Chapter 3
Through the Fog
"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever."
Alfred Tennyson
The day flew by as if my mind and body were in two different places at once; my body went through the actions of the day, while my mind was caught up within... so many different things, none of which I could figure out. I felt like in one day, or only half of one, the very reality I had lived my life within was altered, and I was shaken to say the least. Who was that darkness? How did I know it had been after me? Were their going to be others coming for me? And why in the hell was I so calm about this? The fact that I was able to keep my composure when I knew I was in danger, was certainly more disturbing than the terror my soul should be shaking with. Yet those dearest to me, mainly Margret, could tell something was off with me. My dear friend would keep giving me questioning looks, clearly worried about me, and I would shrug and smile as if nothing was wrong. Why was I keeping this a secret?
While eating lunch in the grand room set up for the students, I felt a warmth within me and I smiled as I looked right at Ariston who stood with tray in hand half way across the room. He gave me a nod in greeting and what I witnessed within his eyes gave me another line of thought which consumed my mind. What happened to his wife? How did she get taken from him? Oh there were so many things I needed to know about him if I were to help him. A thought ran through my mind, and I realized that somehow, I would find my answers if I kept my promise, which I would do without question. Ariston is the answer; with every fiber of my being I wanted to figure out what that meant for me.
He watched me for a moment more as I gazed upon him; and when those endless hours had passed within his gaze and he turned away I came to understand they had only been mere seconds. I was in luck since Aaron did not notice the seemingly brief exchange between Ariston and I; the last thing I desired was another episode of Aaron's jealousy. I had too much to figure out. Ariston was my only chance to discover the truth.
I caught a few glimpses of Ariston throughout the day, the draw I feel with him always showing me where he was when he was near. The looks that were exchanged, the way he would search my eyes as we smiled to each other... it added yet ANOTHER thing to figure out to my already lengthy list of questions teasing my mind. Soon after, we would go our ways as I anxiously awaited our next meeting at the stables. It was more than difficult to focus on my other classes, I could not stop thinking of Ariston no matter what I did. When school was finally over, I made my way with Margret to our apartment, where I quickly changed and ran to the Stables at top speed.
When I neared the property, I walked the path which wound between the evergreen paddocks. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, knowing that I needed to be focused if I was going to be riding a half-tun animal with a mind of its own. To ride, you need to be in the moment, feeling everything the horse does, every movement, every change in their stride and change of composer. If you do this properly, then accents can be avoided... most of the time at least. My father taught me that there are two ways to ride; the first is in making the horse do what you want. The second, which can be more difficult for those with no patience, is to work with the horse and choose to honor the animal as you wish to be honored by them. Working with a horse in such a way, when that partnership and mutual respect is achieved... there is nothing that could hope to compare. My father is a huge fan of Buck Brannaman's way of horsemanship. It was the same way his mother taught him to be with horses, and people for that matter. "It is amazing the things horses will teach you about life." My father has always said, and I have found him to be correct, and not only about that.
I closed my eyes as an ache became prominent within my soul. I wished I could see my father; we had seen each other only three days ago at the airport, yet I missed him terribly already. Not to mention my mother; my dear, wonderful, songbird of a mother. I would not see them in person until my birthday in two months time, not to mention my beloved grandmother Marie. A whinny made me look towards of a paddock in the distance; Vrontos was nodding his head towards me in greeting, the white stallion's main flowing as he did so. I smiled, once again, all I could think of was Ariston; it was as though his sky blue eyes were floating in front of my own, making me shake my head as a smile found its way to my heart, then proceeding to appear on my face.
The Stables were abuzz at this time of day, as they always are right after school. Students and their horses filled the Stables as they either tacked or untacked their horses. I greeted everyone I passed as I made my way to the tack room, trying to keep out of the way as people rushed to be ready in time for their lessons. Today there was a group lesson on the cross country field. I prefer learning from my father and grandmother, so I do not usually learn from the instructors here.
I changed into my riding breeches and tall boots, then went to Willow's stall to find her laying down taking a nap. I laughed, that horse can fall asleep anywhere, it is part of her charm. I went into the stall, with halter in hand, and she opened her eyes and pushed herself to her feet, shaking the shavings from her gray fur with her ears forward.
"Hey, girl." I said as I put her halter on, kissing her between her dark eyes as I stroked her cheek, realizing that I had done the same thing Ariston had done this morning with Vrontos.
I led Willow out of her stall and brought her to the portion of the Stables that was for tacking up; it has twenty tacking stalls with cross ties. I brought Willow into one and hooked the cross ties to the rings on either side of her halter, before getting her tack and brushes from the tack room.
I kept my mind on my work, knowing that if I were to let it stray, even for a moments time, I would start thinking about when Ariston would arrive. Thoughts like those were liable to drive me mad. After the gray mare was brushed from head to hoof, I put the saddle pads and saddle on her back. Willow pined her ears back when I tightened the double elastic girth, even the sweetest horses do so.
"Sorry, girl." I said to her, patting her side when I was done. After putting her bridle and open front boots on, I slid my worn gloves onto my hands and placed my helmet on my head and then fastened the chinstrap. I walked Willow out of the Stables and to the mounting block to climb onto the saddle.
We walked down the long path to the huge two-acre arena, passing three beautiful, green paddocks on the way. Vrontos was in the third paddock on the left, I smiled to the horse and he whinnied and nodded his head when he saw me. The footing of the two-acre arena is made up of recycled tires and carpet padding that has been shredded, it makes for amazing footing. I took a deep breath and focused, then shortened up the reins, squeezed with my legs and began to post the trot as we entered and made a circle.
I was smiling, feeling relaxed and refreshed, when we finished. Willow is a wonderful mover and a beautiful jumper; we only jumped 3' today, but my goodness it was fun! I walked around the Cross-Country field in the back to cool her out, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine as I did so. When Willow's breathing was back to normal, we made our way back up the path to the Stables. I hopped off her back and led her inside. I went to the same tacking stall and removed the mares bridle and put on her halter, then attached the cross ties as always. I rinsed off her bit then went back over to Willow.
I removed the rest of her tack, and was undoing her last open front boot when I heard the voice that, even though I would not admit it to myself, I had been waiting all day to hear again.
"Hello, Mera." My heart beat faster at the sound of his voice. I turned my head and looked up to the beautiful man standing in front of the tacking stall with a smile on his face.
"Hello, Ariston." I said, smiling to him as I stood up as that same inexplicable feeling flowed through me.
"Is this your horse?" He asked, gesturing to Willow.
"I wish; I cannot afford one of my own." I told him as I went up to Willow and Ariston. I stood so that my shoulder was under Willow's neck as I stroked her face. "This is Willow. Her owner is my best friend Margret; she lets me ride her every other day."
"Have you already ridden?" Ariston asked.
"Yes, I have. She was great as always." I said, looking at Willow. I knew that I would be able to think more clearly if I was not looking directly at Ariston. That, however, was not an easy task. His presence alone makes it difficult to think straight.
Ariston let Willow sniff his hand then gently ran his hand over her face. I looked up to him and watched him for a time, seeing the smile that graced his perfect features. Ariston is different around horses; he connects with them, some of the sadness leaving his beautiful eyes. I know that feeling, it comes from being around horses your entire life, from loving them. Anyone who says dogs are mans best friend, obviously knows nothing about horses.
I noticed that Ariston was wearing a gray, short sleeve, crewneck shirt. It fit him nicely, even though it was not tightly fitted. What amazed me were the muscles in his arms, they were, like everything else about him, flawless and perfectly sized. Ariston's fingers brushed against the arm I had wrapped around Willow's nose and I gasped in surprise, my heart jumping out of my chest as I felt the storm flash through me again. I heard the same sound from Ariston as our eyes met; I suppose he was not planning on touching my skin, yet those gentle fingers lingered on my forearm. We were close, looking into each other's eyes in silent fascination.
The way Ariston gazed into my eyes... it seemed that we were both trying to pry secrets from the other. For one brief moment his eyes were no longer guarded, he seemed like an open book, a book I wanted to read over and over again until I had it memorized back to front. His lips parted as if to say something but no words came out. I saw something in Ariston's eyes before he put his guard up and suddenly took a step away, removing his fingers from my forearm while the tingle remained as before. He clasped his hands behind his back, and I watched his posture become more rigged; he kept his face from betraying emotions.
"Where is Vrontos?" Ariston asked, his tone polite. My breath was gone, my mind lost in confusion; when I found what was left of my voice, I answered his question.
"In the third field, out back to the left." I told him, he nodded his thanks and walked away. I stood there for a moment, trying to collect what was left of my thoughts while wondering what had just happened, why he would retract from me as he did.
I attached a lead to Willow's halter and brought her out to the wash rack, needing to clear my mind. While I sprayed her down, washing off the sweat, I saw Ariston walk past with Vrontos, he glanced at me once before entering the Stables. One thing I had noticed while watching him teach class and seeing him around the school was the unearthly grace in his movements. Each move he makes flows into the next, seemingly without pause. I used the sweat-scraper on Willow to remove the excess water; then I dried her face, belly and legs with a towel.
It was such a beautiful day, that I decided to graze Willow out in the sun until her coat was dry, instead of putting her back in her stall right away. I walked down past the paddocks, with the gray mare at my side, and brought her to the cross-country field. I sat in the grass out of the way, while I watched students jump their horses over the rugged jumps.
Jumps of every shape and size were set up in the five acre field, some so small I could step over them and others taller than I am. There were banks and drops to jump off of and onto, as well as three water features to canter through with jumps in two of them, both in and out of the forest. Some of the jumps were shaped like benches and stairs while others were thick logs, fences, brush, an Arrow Head and other classic-cross country jumps.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a shining white stallion entering the field. My head snapped around at once to see Ariston riding into the field on Vrontos. Ariston's eyes met mine and he smiled and nodded to me before getting a trot. I sat there in the grass and watched Ariston warm Vrontos up as Willow happily ate grass a few feet from me. I could not take my eyes off of Ariston. He was a skilled rider to say the least; one worthy of the extraordinary horse he rode, that much was obvious. Ariston got a canter; both horse and rider moving with the same unearthly fluidity while working together flawlessly. I guess it is true what they say about animals and their owners being alike. What a pair they make, both gleaming in the sunlight.
Ariston cantered Vrontos over a two-foot log that Tina Darie had jumped a few minutes beforehand. They jumped with such grace. I watched them intently as they began jumping larger jumps, still working together flawlessly. Not long after, they were soaring over jumps that were taller than I am with the greatest of ease. They cantered through the forest, then reemerged through the water complex; they jumped down into the water over a bench and splashing into the water, then over a bounce and galloping through the water and jumping out the other end. Even from this distance, the entire time they jumped, Ariston's smile and Vrontos' excitement were more than visible.
Twenty minutes later, Ariston brought Vrontos to a walk, neither one of them were breathing heavily to my surprise. Ariston had a peaceful smile on his face, it brought me such joy to see it. Ariston gave his horse a pat on the neck as he walked Vrontos over to me, his eyes meeting mine as he almost seemed to apologize as he watched me.
"That was amazing, I have never seen anyone ride like that." I said as I looked up to him, he smiled.
"Years of practice." Ariston said as he stroked Vrontos' neck. "Would you care to join us as I cool him out?" I did not even have to think twice.
"I would love to." I told him.
I brought Willow's head up from the grass, making reins out of the long lead line, before vaulting onto her bare back. It feels so natural to ride a horse like this, old fashioned. I squeezed Willow gently and we began to walk side by side with Ariston and Vrontos. I looked up to Ariston, who was easily two feet above me on Vrontos' back. Ariston gave me another soft smile which I returned. This man is such a mystery to me, I thought, even though we had only met half a day beforehand, I had never felt this mystified by anyone in my life. I decided to speak, wanting to know more about him.
"I take it you have ridden your whole life?" I asked Ariston, looking upon him. He was clearly surprised by my question.
"Yes I have." He answered. "How did you guess that?"
"I see it in the way you are with horses," I told him. "You are at peace around them. You feel a connection with them, and I know how that is."
"What of you?" Ariston asked, watching me as he awaited my answer.
"My father had me on a horse before I could walk." I said with a laugh, he chuckled with me. "He is the manager of a barn in my hometown, he taught me everything I know about horses. He has a real way with them; my mother says I am just like him in that respect."
"He sounds like a good man." Ariston said as we walked on the horses.
"He is," I told him in all honesty. I smiled thinking of my father. "Even though he works most of the time, he is always there for me. I am very grateful to him and my mother for all that they have done for me. We are certainly not even close to being rich, but we have each other, and that is enough." I rarely share this much of my life in one day with anyone, but I feel comfortable with around Ariston and... I realized in that moment just how much I wanted him to understand me, as much as I want to know him.
Ariston looked to me and smiled, I could see respect in his eyes.
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" He asked.
"Margret is like a sister to me, but besides that I have none; it has always been just my parents and I." I told him. "And you, what of your family?" I asked, he smiled.
"I have a very large family, with many brothers and sisters, cousins and a couple of aunts and uncles and the like." Ariston told me. "We are a very close-knit group. I am closest with my father and my stepmother; and my daughter of course, as well as quite a few of my countless siblings. My family is everything to me." I smiled at his values, though I had to raise an eyebrow at his words
"Countless?" I asked him, he laughed.
"That, is a very long story." He told me, I nodded.
"What about your birth mother?" I asked.
"She died many years ago." He said, not looking at me. "She was a good woman; she put up with me in my youth, and trust me when I say that says more than enough about her character." He let out a laugh and I smiled.
"You must miss her." It was not a question.
"Very much so." He told me.
"I know how hard it is to lose someone you love." I said to him.
"Who was it?" Ariston asked with curiosity as he looked into my eyes.
"My grandfather," I told him. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "We were very close."
"When?" He asked.
"He died a year and a half ago." I told him.
"I am sorry to hear that." I could hear in his voice that he meant it; and something I could only describe as empathy visibly weighed on his heart. "Your grandmother?"
"Losing him, it was definitely hard on her," I told him. "She lives with us in Pescadero for now. But she is strong and is getting through these days without him." He nodded, taking a deep breath.
We were silent as we made our way back to the Stables. I did not fail to notice that all eyes were on Ariston and I as we rode side by side. We slid off our horses when we reached the Stables, leading Vrontos and Willow. I walked with Ariston as he put Vrontos on the cross ties and began untacking him.
"I will be back." I told Ariston, who gave a nod.
I brought Willow to her stall then quickly went back to the tacking stall. Ariston already had his tack off of his horse and was brushing Vrontos down. Ariston smiled to me then continued brushing. When he finished, he went over to a bag by his tack and brought forth two carrots that were flawless in color and size. Ariston handed one to me with a smile before he fed the other to a very happy Vrontos, who chewed it down quickly.
"Thank you." I said and took a bite of the carrot, I was famished and it was absolutely juicy and delicious. Ariston looked at me eating the carrot and laughed out loud. "What?" I asked after I swallowed, not understanding his outburst.
"That was for Willow," Ariston said with a laugh. I blushed in embarrassment.
"Sorry, I guess I am hungry." I told him.
"It is alright." He said then picked up an apple out of the same bag and tossed it to me. "For you." He said. I caught it with ease and he tossed me another. "For Willow."
"I have known you for a day and you are already feeding me." I said, making the both of us laugh as he shrugged.
"I do not mind." He replied with a smile, one which I returned in that moment.
"Thank you." I told him again and took a bite of the apple, it was juicy and perfectly crisp and sweet. "Where did you get these from?" I asked Ariston.
"It was a gift from my brother-in-law, not a purchase. He is a farmer, among other things, and he gifted these to me." Ariston replied as he fed an apple to Vrontos, who ate it whole, before taking a bite of his own apple, one so crisp I could hear it break from hear.
Ariston slipped the bridle onto his wrist and picked up his saddle, holding it to his body as he grasped the pads in his hand. I had to admire his ability to multitask, and also the craftsmanship of his tack. The leather was of the highest quality and perfectly stitched, while the pads were made of a fine fabric with the same flawless stitching. Ariston looked at his brush box and seemed to suddenly realize that with the apple in his hand, he was one arm short. I smiled at the face he made, a slight frown appearing.
"May I help you with the brush box?" I asked him, he smiled and nodded.
"Thank you." Ariston said, feeding the core of his apple to Vrontos.
I picked up the wooden box and walked with him out to his trailer in silence. After we placed his tack in his beautiful trailer's tack room, a far away look came into Ariston's eyes and after a moment he nodded ever so slightly. Ariston looked back to me, an apology already within his gaze.
"I am afraid I must go. If it does not inconvenience you, would you be able to place Vrontos back in his paddock?" Ariston asked. I could hear in his voice that he did not like bothering me with this task, but he needed to go.
"It is no inconvenience; I would be happy to." I assured him with a smile.
He stood there for a moment, looking into my eyes. He took my hand and held it in both of his, and I once again felt the storm, the connection to this mysterious man.
"Thank you, I will make it up to you." Ariston promised with a smile. I smiled and nodded, he kissed my hand and after a moment, he walked away. I watched him until he was out of sight.
I made my way back into the Stables, a million thoughts running through my mind, a million questions. I wondered where Ariston went, what he was doing there and when I would see him again. Those were only a few of the questions running through my mind, the easy ones. I tried not to think about the harder ones, not now, not here. I needed to focus on what I was doing, save those thoughts for later today, when I could be alone... I groaned as I realized I had a date with Aaron. I could not cancel, and truth be told, I needed to get away from my thoughts, though ridding my mind of Ariston was going to be trying enough.
I went to Vrontos, attached his lead to his halter then undid the cross ties. Vrontos walked by my side out of the Stables. I stroked the beautiful animal as we walked, my mind on how Ariston was with him. I sighed and shook my head, I have to stop thinking about Ariston, I told to myself. Why? A part of me asked, and for a long moment in time, I could not find an answer.
"What is it about him that makes me feel like this?" I asked, half to the horse and half to myself. "I only met him today."
I shook my head and put the horse in his paddock before heading in to do the stable work with Heather, Olivia and Ella. A sadness was within my soul as I thought of who was missing, while wondering how Nell was doing. Hunter was missing from school today, I could only guess he was trying to find a way to convince his girlfriend to come back, either that or trying to accept that she is gone, and not going to return.
By 7:30pm, I was already showered and dried off, with a towel wrapped around my body while my head was too full to think. I had returned around 6pm, spending some time with Margret before telling her I was going to study; she could tell I needed time alone. I went into my closet and shut the door, needing the darkness to think and try to sort through all that had happened. I gave Aaron a call just to distract myself; even if I was confused about where our relationship was headed, it did not make three years of friendship slip away in the blink of an eye. He meant something to me, and that was something I could not just give up on so easily. I made an excuse and hung up after a half hour, still trying to find a way out of this fog I seemed to be in. I did not think a single bit of my life makes sense recently, and a part of that scared me, while the other part of me was ready for new... everything. I stayed in there, the darkness somewhat fitting since I felt I was lost in the dark, a place full of arcane mysteries which constantly teased me with truths everything within me searched for. No matter what I did, I could not see through the fog of my mind. Clarity seemed so close at hand, but I could not grasp onto what it was.
After checking the time, I took a long breath, pushing myself to my feet and out of the darkness of my mind and into a much needed shower. Now that I was drying off, I went into my closet again, with the light on. I went one by one through the dresses I owned, sighing in exasperation, unhappy with the limited selection I had to work with. Aaron was to arrive in less then an hour and I had nothing that worked. I knew this frustration had to do with more than the clothing I had. I threw my hands up in exasperation, and a few moments later the answer came to me; the answer to this fashion dilemma was so blatantly obvious that I buried my head within my palms. Even though it was not the answer to everything, having found one solution today gave me an amount peace and relief.
"Margret, can I borrow something to wear?" I called out the question.
"Of course, you know you don't have to ask. Me closet es su closet." She said from her bedroom, I laughed as I strolled through the living room.
"I just feel odd not asking; they are your clothes after all." I told her as I walked into her room to find her sitting on her bed watching some movie in Russian, her native tongue, on her 46" flat screen. She gave me a smile, waving off my comment.
Margret's bedroom is as feminine as can be. Everything is either pink, purple or yellow, the shades working perfectly together with Margret's eye for design. I smiled and shook my head as I went into her closet. Unlike my closet, Margret's is filled to the brim and always looks like it is about to burst no matter how she organizes it. There were about a dozen big bags on the floor, a very small shopping for her.
"Went shopping again I see?" I called the question out to her.
"I could not help myself." Margret said.
I went to her racks and looked through her stunning dresses, each one of them were beautiful and knowing her, extremely expensive. I still cannot believe we are the same size. What are the chances of being the same size as a Russian heiress who happens to have wonderful taste in fashion? I heard Margret walk into her closet and stand by me, watching for the perfect thing for me to wear as is her way.
"Is Aaron taking you out tonight?" Margret asked from the doorway behind me.
"Yes," I replied looking through the dresses. "Ariston is taking me out to dinner and," I stopped short and closed my eyes. "Did I just say what I think I said?"
"Yup, you said Ariston, not Aaron." She told me, I could hear the smile in her voice. I sighed and shook my head. What is wrong with me? "That is the third time tonight you have said his name by accident." Margret informed me, As if I did not already know that. I looked at her, my eyes pleading.
"Please, do not tell Aaron." I begged her. "I do not know what this is, and until I do, I do not want Aaron to know. I do not want to hurt him."
"Don't worry, I won't tell him, I promise." Margret said with her smile.
"Thank you." I said as relief filled me.
"What are sisters for?" She said as she hugged me. She let me go and looked at the dresses, then pulled out a purple, knee length dress. It was form fitted and had a high neck in the front and a scoop back, classy but still sexy.
"This one is perfect for you; Aaron will love it!" Margret announced with pride. I took it from her and she picked up a pair of black, jeweled high heels. "With these," And handed me a bracelet, necklace and a purse. "And these." She said smiling. All of the items were designer of course, all of her clothes are.
I smiled my thanks and went into my room and put them on. I looked in the full length mirror when I was dressed; the outfit looked amazing of course, Margret has great taste. I went out and Margret smiled, proud of her work as she had me twirl for her, bringing a smile to my face.
"Come with me, I will put up your hair." She said with a smile.
I followed her into her bedroom, where she sat me down in front of a mirror, and pinned my hair up into a soft bun in a way that the pins did not show.
"There, perfect." I had to agree with her on that. It was the final touch; I wore no makeup, I never wear makeup. I shook my head as I turned around to face Margret.
"I do not know why I even have a closet, I always end up wearing your clothes anyway." I said with a laugh. Margret's eyes sparkled with an idea.
"Of course! Why didn't I think of this before?" She exclaimed, wide eyed.
"Think of what?" I asked her.
"We should share closets!" Margret said, as if it were obvious. "Like you said, you always end up wearing my clothing and I love sharing with you. I could fill both closets with clothes and we can share them! Oh it's perfect! I can fit twice as much, which means more shopping for us! What do you think?" She asked excitedly. I shook my head laughing.
"I think you are the most kind, generous and brilliant sister anyone could ever ask for." I told her. I got up and hugged her tightly. "Thank you." I cannot count the number of times I have said this to her, a million perhaps, this makes a million and one then.
"We are so going shopping!" She said as we let each other go.
"What about the Stables? And Willow?" I asked.
"She gets ridden everyday, and you jumped her today so she has earned a day off, and so have you with how much you work. You and I have earned a day of shopping!" She said, her eyes sparkling. Just then I heard a knock on the door.
"Alright, tomorrow." I said excitedly. "Can you get the door while I get my jacket?"
"Sure." Margret said with a smile. I walked into my room as she opened the door.
"Hey Aaron, Mera will be right out, she is just grabbing her coat." I heard as I picked up my black trench coat, one of my favorite things I own, a true 'must have' for any woman's wardrobe.
"Alright." I heard Aaron's reply.
I walked out of my bedroom with my coat on but open. Aaron stood on near the door wearing a tan suit, his dress shirt had the first two buttons undone and his sandy hair was combed back. He looked very handsome. He looked me over with wide eyes.
"Wow, you look... beautiful." He said.
"Thank you, you look very handsome." I told him, walking up to him and placing a kiss on his cheek.
"Are you ready?" Aaron asked with a smile on his lips.
"I just need to get my purse," I turned around to see it hanging by its strap from Margret's finger. "Thank you." I said, kissing her cheek.
"Don't forget about tomorrow." She said.
"Of course not!" I replied, smiling. Aaron held his arm out and I chuckled, winding my arm through his as he led me out of the apartment.
"What was that all about with Margret?" He asked in the elevator. I laughed and shook my head.
"I made a comment about wondering why I have a closet when I am always wearing her clothing, and she decided that we should share closets, and that she would stock them both. We are going out shopping tomorrow." I told him, Aaron laughed.
"So that is why she was so excited. She really is something." He said with a smile.
"I could not agree more." I smiled as the doors opened with a ding. We made our way outside, where his silver Lincoln Navigator was awaiting us. We got in and he drove us off; he seemed to be thinking something over for a time.
"I would buy you things if you would let me." Aaron commented. I looked at him, his face dimly lit by the dashboard lights. He knew my family was not able to give me the kinds of things he was used to having, and I knew he wanted to take care of me, but I have never felt comfortable with him spending money on me.
"I just do not feel right about it." I told him, hoping he would understand.
"But you are okay with Margret buying you things?" He asked. I laughed and shook my head.
"Not exactly, but do you honestly think she would take no for an answer?" I asked, he laughed.
"You're right." He said with a playful smile. "Perhaps I should be more like Margret." I laughed.
"Except for your jealousy issues, you are just fine the way you are. I do not want you to change." I told him, he smiled to me.
We arrived at the restaurant a half hour later. It is situated in the center of the town of Blueridge, Maine. It is a stone building with old time charm and a sign that says Tarresta's. They serve a wide variety of foods, and their sushi is delectable. The valet opened my door for me and offered me his hand to help me out. Aaron quickly got out and walked around to take my hand. We walked into the charming restaurant and Aaron gave his name to the hostess, who then showed us to our table. The restaurant is a beautiful, romantic, little place. The rooms are lit by candles and twinkle lights, as soft music floats through the air. The tables are covered with red tablecloths, white napkins and red roses in crystal vases. Aaron took me here for our first date two years ago.
Aaron held my chair out for me before taking his own seat. We looked at the menus; as I tried to decide what to get, a question came to my mind.
"How did you like history?" I had to ask him, he frowned and sighed.
"I have to admit, that he is a good teacher. I still do not like him though." He said the last part under his breath.
"You do not even know him." I told Aaron. "I believe there is a saying about a book and a cover that covers this well." I said with a smile. Aaron smiled and shook his head. "You know I am always right. Must I prove it again?" I asked teasingly, trying to improve the mood.
"I don't like the way he looks at you." Aaron told me, I sighed. "I am just being,"
"Jealous." I stated.
"Protective." He corrected.
"Aaron, you are jealous." I told him, my smile now gone.
"Should I be?" He asked, looking into my eyes.
"You become jealous every time I so much as talk to another guy." I said, my irritation slipping out, I could not keep my feelings bottled up any longer and now they were bursting forth. "That is why I have no friends that are men except for Jack, and that is only because you know that he has no interest in me. I do not like the fact that you seem to decide whom I am around more than I do. Aaron, it is my life, and you most certainly are not my father." Aaron was clearly taken aback.
"Where is this coming from?" He asked in shock. I was calmer now that I said what I needed to say. I felt guilty for snapping at him, but I could not keep it inside any longer.
"This has bothered me for quite a while now; I should have said something sooner." I told him. "This is my life and I decide who is in it, not you. I may be your girlfriend but I need some freedom. I cannot handle your constant jealousy... it is too much." Aaron's face softened and he reached across the table and held my hand.
"I am so sorry," He apologized, I could see and hear his sincerity. "I never meant to control you, and I didn't know my jealousy took such a toll on you. I just cannot stand the thought of losing you; you mean far too much to me to be able to stand the thought. I will work on my issues, I will be better, just please be patient with me." He pleaded. I sighed and looked into his sage green eyes, not able to stand the hurt I saw there.
"I forgive you." I told him, he smiled.
"I love you." He said, looking into my eyes.
I smiled, but at that moment... I could not make myself say it back; I opened my lips but I could not get those three words out, no matter how hard I tried.
"Me too." I said and quickly looked back down at the menu.
I raised the menu so that he could not see my face. What is wrong with me? I wondered. Whatever was trying to break through my subconscious before was back, nagging at me, pulling at every bit of my soul as I did my utmost to ignore it.
We ordered soon after, and then Aaron got up and held his hand out to me.
"Dance with me?" He asked. I smiled and took his hand. He led me to the dance floor and held me close as we slow danced. I enjoyed it, his cheek resting against mine as we held each other and swayed to the slow music.
"I will be better for you. I love you Mera, and I will be the man you need me to be." Aaron promised.
"I know." I kissed his cheek and we slow danced until the food arrived.
I looked out the window in silence as Aaron drove us up to the cliffs. We always go there whenever we go to Tarresta's; we kiss for a bit and look at the city lights. He always playfully tries to get lucky, but respectfully stops when I say no, as I have each and every time. I know he wants me, he always has, but I was not ready to give myself to him yet. I was not sure if I ever would be, all I knew was that I was not ready for it now.
When we arrived, Aaron turned off the engine but kept the radio on. A soft, romantic song played as he reached over and stroked my arm softly; I looked at him, there was tenderness in his eyes and a slight smile on his lips. I gazed into his eyes, wishing I could feel what he felt for me.
"Kiss me." He said.
I realized that I could use the distraction, I leaned over and kissed him. We began making out, but I soon realized that it was not like it usually is. I felt... nothing, no sparks, no feelings that make me giggle. I opened my eyes as we kissed and pulled away for a moment, wondering what was wrong... in the next moment I held him closer and kissed him deeper, trying to feel something, to feel even an ounce of the emotion I felt when I touched Ariston today. My hand gripped onto Aaron's hair, wondering why when I kissed him I was thinking of someone else. It could not all be gone, there has to be something left between us, doesn't there?
Aaron's arms tightened around me, a sound coming from deep in his throat as he clutched onto me. When his hands started to explore my body I pulled away; his touch felt wrong, everything is wrong. It was just like when he kissed me goodbye today in front of Ariston; I just wanted out of this, no part of me wanted to go further. Aaron started kissing my neck when I pushed him back.
"Stop." I said, and he did at once. I pulled away while looking at him. He was out of breath, his eyes glazed over with desire as he looked upon me with a smile.
Even though I knew that Aaron would never touch me against my will, it scared me to see the desire in his eyes at that moment.
"What's wrong?" Aaron asked, still out of breath and wanting more.
"I do not want that." I said, his eyes became apologetic.
"I'm sorry. When you kissed me like that, I thought..." Aaron said. He shook his head, trying to calm his breathing. "I'm sorry." He said again.
"It is not your fault." I told him, looking away from him and out my window. He touched my shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Aaron asked.
I shook my head and looked at him with tears in my eyes. The desire was gone from his eyes when he saw my tears. He put his arms around me and held me, stroking my hair as I cried, trying despreatly to breathe around the tennis ball in my throat, my inhales coming to me in stuttered gasps.
"Whatever it is, it's okay." He said, kissing my hair. "I am here for you." At one time that would have meant something to me.
How can it be gone? All of it gone in one day? I know I felt something when he kissed me last night... or at least I thought I had. How can all of that be gone? I could not seem to stop crying.
"What can I do to make it better?" Aaron asked. I was silent for a minute before I spoke.
"Promise me something Aaron." I said.
"Anything." He said at once.
"Promise me that no matter what is to come, we will always be friends. I could not bare to lose our friendship." I said. He was silent for a moment.
"I promise." He said quietly.
"Thank you." I said. He kissed the top of my head. I took a deep breath and got out of his embrace, sitting back in my seat. "Could you take me home?" I asked him.
He nodded and started up the car. We were silent on the way back, I could not look him in the eyes. One important question echoed through my mind; What does this mean for us?
My thoughts somehow drifted to Ariston. If he had held me like Aaron did, if he kissed me like that, his hands exploring my body, would I have said no to him? I thought of what his touch felt like today, of what his eyes did to me, and knew the answer beyond the shadow of a doubt. I would not have said no; I would have begged him to never stop touching me.
"Do you want me to walk you in?" Aaron asked. I had not noticed that we were on campus again. I looked out my window to see that we were by the rear of the building, right by the stained glass doors.
"No, I will be fine." I said quietly.
"Can I see you tomorrow? Outside of school I mean?" He asked.
"I need some time to think," I told him.
I looked at him for the first time since we left the cliffs, his eyes were unreadable, his face blank though the sadness within his eyes was evident. I leaned over and hugged him. He held me tight and kissed my cheek. I let go and so did he as I moved back from him.
"I love you, Mera." Aaron said to me, looking deep into my eyes.
"I know." I told him. I grabbed my purse and got out of the car. I heard his car leave as I walked towards my dorm, I did not have the will to look back.
I went inside and made my way up to my apartment, my mind in a haze as I somehow kept my tears in. I went through the door to Margret and I's apartment and shut it, my mind still scattered, worried.
"So how was the date?" Margret asked in her cheery tone from the couch. I turned around right as my tears began to fall; she stopped smiling, then flew off the couch and ran to me, and held me tight.
"I could not say it back; I felt nothing." Was all I could say as the tears came again. Margret walked me over to the couch and sat us down.
"What is the matter? " Margret asked me, I shook my head. "Mera, talk to me." Her voice was soothing. I took a deep, shaky breath.
"Aaron said he loved me tonight and I could not say it back, I could not get the words out. Then, when he kissed me, I felt nothing. It's gone, it's all gone." I said to her, tears rolling down my face. She held me and I clutched onto her as I leaned into her side.
"It is going to be alright, everything is going to be alright." Margret soothed as she held me, though I had no idea how it would be after tonight.
Author's Note: A beautiful and yet sad chapter. I hope you enjoyed! As always, I adore reviews ;) Hopefully Chapter 4 shall be ready soon!
Jasmine
