Chapter Six

Time Jump-Two Months Later

Clary POV:

Things were going really well at school, and for the first time I was actually really happy. It was weird but it was actually really nice. The nightmares have been less often but I still wake up a couple times a week screaming my lips off. Izzy had in fact come up with different methods of calming me down. Some were a bit much but they were pretty effective so I couldn't complain much. Except for when she pours water on me. That was a bit shocking the first time, but she claims she only uses in extreme circumstances. Personally I think she enjoys it a little too much.

All of my classes were going really well. I enjoyed them, and despite being undecided when I started I think I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do fir the rest of my life. It was weird thinking about the future. My parents were always talking about my future and discussing what my options were but I never really thought much about it. The way that I was feeling, I never thought I had a future. I always just assumed I was too damaged and too broken to ever be useful to society.

Having Jace by my side was probably one of the most amazing feelings in the world. He was so supportive, and patient, and understanding about everything, that I can finally feel like I don't have to face all my problems alone. It was so amazing. Although I'm still having trouble with other issues like eating and cutting, I knew that no matter what I wasn't alone anymore. It might take me forever to completely heal, but I had someone who was willing to take the journey with me, and that was more than enough to help me through the days where I felt like it was impossible for me to get through.

It was about a week before thanksgiving break, and I wasn't looking forward too it. I was getting used to living the way I was at school, no expectations, and no being criticized about everything I did, it was nice. I was sitting at lunch with Izzy, Jace and Simon when my phone started to ring. I looked at it to see that it was my mother. I groaned but answered anyway.

"Hi mom."

"Clarissa dear, how are you?"

"I'm good mom. How are you and dad?"

"We're fantastic. Listen Clarissa, your father and I won't be home for thanksgiving. I have a huge opening in France that week, and your father is coming with me."

"So it's just going to be Jonathan and I at home?"

"No, your brother isn't coming home for the holiday. He is going to be spending time with his teammates."

"What am I supposed to do mom? Eat thanksgiving by myself?" I try to sound normal but even I can hear the annoyance in my voice.

"Nonsense, we don't trust you at home alone. You need to find somewhere to stay."

"Are you serious?" Now I wasn't even trying to hide my anger and I think the others picked up on it as well because Jace was drawing circles on my back to calm me down. "You're just ditching me and not even letting me in my own house for the holidays?"

"We don't want a repeat of what happened last Christmas, you nearly destroyed the family name Clarissa, and we can't have you risking that again."

"Good to know you care about my well being mom. I'm glad our family name is more precious than my life. Way to make me feel like I fucking matter."

"Clarissa, you will not speak to me in that tone of voice. I am still your mother." I let out a frustrated sigh and lean my head on my free hand.

"Whatever mom. I'll find somewhere to stay."

"And don't tell the press."

"Yea, cause my first thought is to tell the press that my own parents don't want to spend he holiday season with me, let alone trust me to be alone cause they more afraid of what will be said about them than what happens to me." She started to speak but I didn't want to hear it. "Maybe I'll see you at Christmas mom, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I have to go. I have class. Bye." I hung up before I could let her speak another word. I slammed my phone down on the table and growled. Just as I'm about to lose it I feel a soft kiss being pressed to my shoulder. Immediately I begin to calm down. I look to my left and see Jace and I instantly feel better. I smile and lean into his side and rest my head on his shoulder.

"What was that all about?" Jace asks before he kisses the top of my head.

"My mom has a huge opening in France the week of thanksgiving and my dad is going with her, and Jonathan is staying in Texas with a bunch of his teammates. My parents don't trust me home alone, so they said I can't go home for break." I let out a dry laugh. "They don't want me ruining the family name, and I can't tell the press because it doesn't look good for them."

"I really don't know why your parents had kids." Izzy said and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Easy. They had the perfect child in Jonathan, and they thought they could do it again. And I was only ever a disappointment to them, but they couldn't get rid of me, being the governor your ever moved is watched and it would look odd if they had a daughter one day and than the next day they didn't, so my mom spent a lot of her time molding me in the 'perfect daughter'. It backfired big time. I mean, I can dress the part, and I can fake it pretty well, but it killed my mom to know that it took so much effort and that she had to put so much effort into me. Although she appreciated me faking it, she was never happy that it wasn't real." I started playing with Jace's hand as I recalled my childhood. "We had nothing to bond over. I'm not artistic, and I'm not into country clubs, or fancy shopping, or traveling and learning exotic languages. I could just never fake that part, and it really divided us."

"That really sucks. I grew up worshipping the ground my mother walked on." Izzy said and I couldn't help but wish I had that.

"She got so upset with me one year, because she had a gallery opening up in Germany, and I really didn't want to go. Jonathan was in the NFL at this point and he was playing the Giants, and I hadn't seen him in years. My dad had a box, and I really wanted to see him play. My mom was pissed. She always thought having a daughter meant that I would tag along wherever she went. But I really wanted to see my brother, so I went with my dad. My mom ended up taking my cousin, and ever since that trip she takes her with her whenever she has to travel and my father can't go with her. She brags about her all the time, it's like I don't even exist anymore. She found a replacement." They all nodded and we sat there for a little while until Izzy spoke up.

"Let me talk to my mom, I'm sure you are more than willing to stay with us for the break."

"Thank you Izzy. I really appreciate it." Izzy took out her phone and texted her mom, and sure enough her mom answered not even a minute later.

"She said you are more than welcome. And she's sorry your parents are so hard to deal with." I let out a small laugh.

"Thank you." The rest of the week went by rather slowly but at least I didn't have to worry about going home for this break. I was actually going to spend time with a real family, and I was actually really excited to see what that was like.

We arrived at the Lightwood house and when I got out of the car I looked up at their house in awe.

"It's not much, but its home."

"Are you kidding me? This is the most beautiful home I've ever seen." I said as I looked at the house again, and I was completely serious. It was white with light green shudders and a garden out front with a big wrap around porch. But most importantly it looked homey, and I've never experienced that before.

"It's nothing compared to yours." Izzy says and I can hear a little bit of sadness and jealousy in her voice. I turn to face her and give her a smile.

"That house is colder than a freezer. There is no love, and there is no joy in that house. It's big, but it's a horrible place to grow up in. Trust me, I would give up that whole house if it meant I got to have a real family."

"I'm sorry. Its just money is tight, and so is space. My little brother wasn't exactly planned, and we were already pushing it when we adopted Jace, so I guess I just wish we could afford a bigger house." I grab her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

"Bigger isn't always better." She smiles at me and we make out way inside.

"Welcome Clary, it's nice to see you again."

"You too Mrs. Lightwood."

"This is my husband Robert, and this is our youngest Max. Alec should be here a little later, apparently he has a surprise for us." She hugs both Jace and Izzy before she speaks again. "We don't have much room so I'm afraid you'll have to share with Izzy."

"That's totally fine. I've always wondered what it would be like to actually have to share a room. It seemed like it would be fun when I was younger, but my brother is 10 years older than me, and we had enough rooms in my house to hold everyone in my dads staff."

"Why aren't you staying with him for the holidays?"

"He wanted to spend time with his teammates. I can't say I blame him though, who would want to spend time with their 18 year old sister when you can celebrate thanksgiving with the whole defensive line down in Texas."

"Well, we are glad to have you here. We've been dying to meet you ever since we learned about you and Jace, all we really know about you is what the paper says." Mr. Lightwood says and Izzy slaps him on the arm.

"Oh my god dad. That's so rude." I can't help but laugh at Izzy's annoyance.

"It's no big deal Iz, every one in New York read about it. It's brought up far more often than I think you realize."

"Really?" She asks and I nod.

"Everyone is curious. They think that since it's almost been a year that it's somehow easier to talk about." She just nods and than tells me to follow her upstairs to see where I would be staying for the next couple days. Her room is just what I pictured it would be life. I canopy bed, with purple walls, a nice sized closet and a huge vanity mirror. It was very Izzy, and I couldn't help but love her for it. The spent all of our time in her room until we were called down for dinner. Went I got down to the dinning room I honestly didn't know what to do, when I finally sat down I just kept looking around. There was an empty seat, assuming they were expecting Alec by now was clear, but everyone's focus was on me.

"Is something wrong Clary?" Izzy asks and I just slowly shake my head.

"No, this is just my first family dinner." All of their eyes widened.

"Really?" Mrs. Lightwoods asks and I just nod. "You've never sat down with your family and ate dinner?"

"I never ate a meal with my family. Either my mom was away, or my dad was busy and my brother didn't have the time. I ate with he cook sometimes. He would have his son with him occasionally, but other than that, it was either eating dinner alone or not eating at all."

"That must have been awful."

"I was used to it. It was normal for me to walk downstairs and there being a note saying my mom would be gone for the week, or that Jonathan would be away at another football camp or that my dad was having a business dinner. It comes with the lifestyle."

"That is no way for a child to grow up. Well, I hope you enjoy your first family dinner." She smiled at me and I smiled back. Dinner was absolutely amazing. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. I couldn't help but feel like I belonged when I was with them. It felt right. We were all sitting around the table drinking coffee and just talking when we heard the front door open. Soon Alec appeared around the corner.

"Alec, what took you so long?"

"I didn't know if I wanted to come."

"Why not?" He opened his mouth to speak but than closed it again, after about 30 seconds he spoke.

"I have something to tell you all." Mrs. Lightwood nodded. He took a deep breath. "The surprise I had for you tonight is my boyfriend, and I didn't know if I wanted to come because I didn't know if I was ready to tell you, but he talked me into it. He said I either tell my family of we would break up, and he means a lot to me, so I came."

"Well, where is he?" Mrs. Lightwood asked and I think it caught Alec off guard.

"He's in the living room."

"Bring him in here." Alec nodded and went to get him, I went to take another sip of my coffee when Alec came around the corner and I started chocking.

"Clary are you alright?" I nodded and finally caught my breath.

"Magnus? Magnus Bane?" I said and his eyes lit up.

"Oh my god biscuit! What are you doing here?"

"I needed a place to stay or the holidays. I haven't seen you in years!" I got up and gave him a huge hug and when we parted everyone had the same confused expression.

"How do you two know each other?" Alec asked. I turn around and look at them all.

"Remember the cooks son that I had dinner with sometimes?" They all nod. "Well meet the son." Magnus put his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him. It felt nice seeing him again.

"My father worked for them for about 8 years before he was fired. How is that miserable man you call your father?"

"Wouldn't really know. I haven't talked to him since I left for college." He nodded and looked at me with sad eyes.

"I read about what happened in the paper." He said and the room got really quiet. I saw Mrs. Lightwood whisper something to Max and he left. "Are you alright?"

"I'm getting there. I was just really lonely. And I acted on an impulse, I wasn't thinking. I mean suicide was on my mind more often than I'd like to admit, but I honestly didn't think I had the guts to go through with it. The best thing those two ever did for me was finding me and saving my life."

"I knew something was happening in that house, I just couldn't figure out what. I begged my dad to try and stay really late one night so I could try and help, but he didn't listen."

"There was nothing you could have done Magnus." I tried to reassure him but I could tell he felt a little guilty for not doing anything. He gave me another hug and I finally sat back down next to Jace. He reached his arm around my chair and rubbed circles on my back.

"Anyway, this is Magnus, and we've been dating for almost a year."

"Why didn't you tell us sooner Alec?"

"I didn't know how you'd react. And Magnus's dad kicked him out after he found out, and I guess I was scared you two would do the same."

"Did you really think we'd do that?"

"I didn't know, so I decided not to find out."

"We love you Alec. For exactly who you are." Mrs. Lightwood said and Alec let out a deep breath. They both joined us at the table and we sat around until it was late talking and catching up. I never knew what I was missing until I got here. By the time 10 rolled around Jace had grabbed my hand and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I nodded, grabbed my coat and we headed outside to walk around the town. After walking for 10 minutes in silence we made it to a little park and sat down on a bench. Jace looked a little nervous, and he was starting to freak me out.

"Jace? Are you alright? You look nervous."

"I need to tell you something." Immediately my mind went to every bad situation you could think of, he cheated on me, he didn't like me, he was transferring schools, he wanted me to leave. My heart rate picked up and so did my breathing. "Whoa, Clary are you okay?"

"What did I do wrong?" I asked while trying to control my breathing and he looked at me with the most confused expression.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I should have phrased it differently. I meant, that I wanted to share something with you that I've been feeling for awhile now." As soon as he said it that way I started to regain control of my breathing. "Are you okay now?"

"Yea, I'm good. I just started freaking out. You know how my mind works, it always thinks of the worst situations first." He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it.

"I know, and I should have phrased it that way from the beginning. But what I wanted to say was that." He paused and took a deep breath. The anticipation was killing me. "I love you Clary." As soon as he said those words, I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the ground. He loved me, Jace actually loved me.

"Are you serious?" I asked and immediately felt like an idiot. I laughed and started shaking my head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"It's okay." He laughed with me. "But I do. I love you Clary, and I have for a while now. I just felt like if I said it you'd freak out, and not gonna lie I was a little scared myself. I've never loved someone before, much less been in love. It took me a couple days for it to fully sink in but I've been in love with you for so long Clary. I'm pretty sure it started after the party at your house. You were constantly on my mind, and it didn't help that we didn't go to the same school. I relied on seeing you every couple months are your skate park and when I'd leave I'd immediately feel like something was missing. I tried to keep my mind off you with other girls, but like I told you before, I always compared them to you." I couldn't help but start to cry. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nobody's ever told me that they love me before."

"Seriously?" I nod. "I will tell you for as long as you want me around. I promise to never go a day without telling you how much I love you." I look up into his eyes and I see nothing but the truth and I can't help but smile, and than I realize that I haven't said it back.

"I love you too Jace." And I can just see the happiness in his eyes. "I've never known what it felt like to be loved. Even the parental love, or the friendship love. But I can feel it from you. I can feel it every single time you look at me, or when you kiss me, or when you are calming me down from a nightmare. It's like it radiates off of you. At first I didn't know what it was. I never thought it was possible for someone to love me. I mean, my own parents can't even tell me they love me, how could someone else love me? But I believe you when you tell me."

"I love you so much Clary and I promise to let you know every single day." He cups his hands around my face and closes the distance. We sat there kissing for who knows how long until his phone started to ring. We broke apart and he answered it. Izzy was starting to get worried when we didn't come back. We had been out there for an hour, we got up and headed back to the Lightwoods, and I couldn't get the smile off my face for the rest of the night. It felt amazing to be loved, and to love someone in return.

Time Jump-Spring Semester

Jace POV:

Lacrosse season was in full swing and it was kicking my ass. Between morning workouts, afternoon practices, and evening study hours I barely saw Clary and I my sleep schedule was struggling. Thankfully Clary understood hoe hectic my schedule was during the season and helped me with my homework, or bringing me food to the library, or helping me with everyday tasks like laundry or keeping my room clean. She knew how stretched thin and I really appreciated everything she did for me.

I was at practice today and I heard a bunch of guys behind me talking about 'the hottest chick they'd ever seen' coming towards us. I had my back turned and when I turned around I was taken aback. The girl they were all talking about was Clary, but she didn't look like she normally did, she looked like what she did in high school. She was wearing her favorite black skater skirt, with a gold top, with matching gold heels and her leather jacket, her hair was perfectly curled and she had a smoky eye going on, she looked hot as hell but I didn't want my whole team checking her out. One of the guys started to walk over to her, I put my hand on his shoulder and pulled him back and started making my way over to her. She walked up to the fence and our lips met.

"What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?" I asked.

"Why does it matter dude? Your girlfriend is sexy as hell." One of them said from behind me as others began to whistle.

"Thank you, please stop staring." I said and she laughed. "Seriously, I haven't seen you dress like this since high school."

"My parents are coming today. Along with my brother. Apparently he has a game up here and he wanted to see me."

"That's strange."

"I know. But I told them to meet me here because I wanted to see you before I'm dragged away and have to listen to their criticism the whole night." She pouted and I couldn't help but laugh. The rest of my team was still staring, but I really couldn't blame them, she looked good. We stood there talking for a little until there was a communal gasp from behind us.

"Holy shit. That's Jonathan Morgenstern. Defensive end for the Dallas Cowboys. What the hell is he doing here?" I couldn't help but laugh and when I looked back at Clary she looked less than thrilled. Her family made her way over to her and Jonathan was the first to speak.

"Long time no see little sis." He pulled her into a hug, or what I guess they consider a hug. "Who is this?"

"This is Jace, my boyfriend. Jace this is Jonathan, and my parents." I shook all their hands, but it wasn't a very friendly encounter.

"Clarissa dear, we have reservation at 5, we can't be late, we want to be home by 7 at the latest." She nodded and turned towards me. I gave her a quick kiss and smiled at her.

"You can do this Clare, I'll be waiting for your return, most likely in your bed asleep, but I'll be there."

"Thanks, I'm gonna need all the loving I can get from you after a couple hours with them." I gave her one more kiss.

"Love you."

"Love you too." She said back and walked towards her family. I felt bad that she was going to have to put up with their shit for a couple hours; I could already see it affecting her. I made my way back over to the team and they were stunned into place.

"What?"

"How the hell did you land her?" One of them said and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Believe it or not we were friends for about year before we started dating. We went to different high schools and I met her at one of her parties, and the rest is kind of history."

"I've heard of her, but I never seen her in any pictures." One of the guys says

"I find that kind of hard to believe. She's the governors daughter, and her brother is THE Jonathan Morgenstern, and I heard her mom is like crazy famous over in Europe. How can you avoid the media?" Another guys chimes in.

"She doesn't like the attention. She tries to stay out of the spotlight. She never wanted that life." I say and they all nod in understanding. "Now, if you guys are done thinking about my girlfriend, we have an hour left of practice and I really just want to go to sleep." They all laugh and we continue with practice. By the time 5:45 rolls around I'm completely exhausted. I get back to my room, I take a shower and than make my way down to Clary's room. Izzy opens the door and I walk in and flop down on the bed. I inhale Clary's scent and not even 5 minutes later I start to fall asleep.

Clary POV:

When we got to the restaurant we were immediately seated. I knew this was going to be a long night, and I wasn't really looking forward to all their questions. After sitting in silence for about 10 minutes my father finally decides to break it.

"Clarissa, how long have you been seeing that boy?" I internally groan and try my hardest not to roll my eyes at him.

"Almost a year."

"And we're just hearing about this?"

"We don't talk all that often dad. And the first thought in my head isn't to talk about my boyfriend."

"You turned down all those eligible boys for him?" My mother says in a disgusted tone.

"We've talked about this mom. I didn't like any of those guys. They were all major assholes." My brother laughs and my parents look appalled. "He's good to me, he makes me happy, and he helps me. Isn't that enough for you guys?"

"He has no status Clarissa." My dad so lovingly points out.

"I don't care about status, I'm not as shallow as you. How come I can't be happy?"

"We never said that."

"But you'd rather me be with a boy who has status, and money, and material things instead of me being with someone who actually make me happy, and makes me want to live."

"Clarissa, I thought we said we would never bring that up again." My mother hissed.

"No, you said that mom. You're embarrassed about it, but it didn't happen to you. It happened to me. I was the one who almost died, and had to deal with the consequences, and Jace was the one who helped me through it. He was the one who let me cry and let me get it off my chest, he was there to listen to me when you weren't." I looked down at my food trying not to cry. "I was so lonely and so incredibly lost for so long and neither of you noticed. Neither of you cared enough to pay attention to me. And I thought suicide was the only option for me, and if you two didn't decide to come home when you did, I'd be dead right now, and you know what, sometimes I feel like you would have rather preferred the latter."

"That isn't true Clarissa." My father starts but I cut him off.

"I'm finally happy and content with life, please don't try and screw that up by pushing you ideals and your fucked up morals onto me. I like who I am now, and I finally realized that I don't need your approval in life." I looked at all three of them and took a deep breath. "Now, we came here to have a family dinner, can we please talk about something different." They nod and have small talk for the rest of the night. When they finally drop me off they don't say a single word to me and they leave. I make my way into my room where I see Jace passed out in my bed. I laugh and make my way over to him.

"Babe, wake up." I gently rub his shoulder until he starts to stir awake. After about 10 minutes his eyes finally open.

"Hey." He says in his sexy sleepy voice. "How was dinner?"

"A nightmare. But it's over now and I'm so glad."

"I'm sorry it sucked." He said as he sat up in my bed. "Why don't you get ready for bed and I'll cuddle all your problems away." I couldn't help but giggle.

"You got yourself a deal." I give him a quick kiss and get ready for bed. When I finally crawl into bed, I lay my head on his chest and his arms wrap protectively around me and I can't help but feel at peace when I'm with him. "Goodnight Jace. I love you." I kiss his bare chest and I can feel his chest vibrate with a soft laugh.

"Goodnight Clary. I love you too." He kisses the top of my head and not even a minute later he's fast asleep. I close my eyes and slowly drift off into darkness to the sound of his steady heartbeat, and for the first time in a long time, I actually have a happy dream, of my future with Jace and I couldn't help but smile.