Chapter 4

Clarity and Confusion

"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge."

Thomas Carlyle

No part of me wanted to leave my bed in the morning; the day ahead was not something I wished to face. It was not even close to being easy to handle as thoughts from last night came to me, making my head spin, until I finally found a way to get it under control. I could not think of everything at once without losing what was left of my sanity, so I broke it down into the major events of yesterday.

First: I met the most beautiful man I have ever seen yesterday and felt something I never imagined existed. I am still amazed by Ariston, and that sadness within his eyes still twists at something deep within me. I hate the thought of him being in pain. I did not pretend to be able to understand the draw I felt towards him, or why he looks at me the way he does, as if my eyes hold the mysteries to the universe. I wished I knew why he was the one I wanted to turn to with all of this.

Second: The darkness I felt and the change it provoked within me. What could that have been? Why was it so instinctual that the change within me was that instantaneous? The instinct that took over was indescribable; it was strange, to feel in control of something so overwhelming. I could still feel some of that... warrior, I do not know what else to call it, within me. Other than a few self-defense classes I took at one time, I have had no training. But yesterday... I felt as if I had been extensively trained in the arts of war, and my battle reflexes were kicking in; I felt that I was born for it. I have always felt strength within me; but this felt like an explosion of strength and... power. Something within me was trying to break free, and what worried me was that I felt how it was going to change me, and if I would be able to control it.

Why do I accept this so easily? Why does it feel like a part of me?

I wished that I had someone I could practice with, so that I could better understand the extent of whatever is within me.

Third: What happened with Aaron last night. I still can hardly believe it; everything Aaron and I have had for nearly two years is gone. A part of me has known this was coming, so I could not understand why it would hurt like this. One thing was for certain; I did not want to lose him, but how could I justify staying with him? How can I be with someone I know I cannot love? Yet I would do it for him; even if I do not love Aaron as a boyfriend I still do care for him greatly as a friend. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.

Being strong is the only option I have; I will figure this out. Breaking down again will do me no good and bring me no truths either. I took a deep breath, just breathe, I told myself, just breathe. I got out of bed and went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, then took a nice hot shower. For some reason thoughts of Ariston crept into my mind and made me smile, made the pain and guilt subside quite a bit. I sighed in relief.

I got out of the shower and dried off, humming softly to a beautiful song which flowed from my soul. Thoughts of Ariston brought me enough peace to get dressed. I wore a dusty rose-colored V-neck tee shirt with white shorts and leather gladiator sandals, then brushed my hair again and went into the living room and sat on the couch, still thinking of Ariston.

It suddenly hit me then, how wrong it was to think of Ariston when I am still Aaron's girlfriend. I sighed and shook my head, feeling guilty over so many things, wishing for clarity more than anything. I wondered how Aaron was doing. I will have to ask Jack, they are close friends and roommates, he should know.

"Good morning." Margret greeted as she walked out of her room.

She was dressed in a denim miniskirt, a pink and white Gucci halter top and brown leather sandals that were like mine, only more expensive. Her hair was pulled out of her face by a butterfly clip, and she had some light, natural looking make up on. She looked beautiful, though she always did.

"Morning." I greeted with as much of a smile as I could muster for her.

She came and sat down next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I smiled a little at the gesture, looking into her eyes.

"How are you?" Margret asked, clearly worried for me.

"I am wondering how things can change so quickly." I answered. "It does not seem so long ago when I thought that someday, I would be marrying Aaron, and now... now I feel nothing except for guilt."

"Guilt?" She asked, I nodded.

"For not feeling what I should for Aaron." Was the only way I could explain it. "He is kind and wonderful and amazing. How many girls can say they have such a wonderful boyfriend? He loves me, I can see it in his eyes. Why can I not love him the way he loves me?" I shook my head, looking at my hands which were folded in my lap.

I will not allow myself to cry, I told myself that there would be no more tears over this. Tears get me no where and besides, I cried enough last night to last me a year.

"I guess it just wasn't meant to be." Margret said as she rubbed my back. "Why don't we forget about shopping for today? I can see you need time to think."

"Thank you." I said, kissing her cheek as she held me close for a moment before I relaxed against the couch.

"Are you ready to go?" She asked, I nodded and we got up, grabbing our bags before heading out the door.


The walk to class was silent, Margret did not leave me to find Jack as she usually does, she did not leave my side. She was silent, she knows me well enough to know when I need silence. I walked around campus with my best friend, my head held high. Even though I did not smile, I was not about to show the whole school what was going on inside of me. Aaron is not one to start gossip or speak with those he does not trust, so I am guessing that except for Jack and Margret, no one else knows what happened last night, and I planned on keeping it that way for as long as possible.

We walked into the History classroom; Ariston was sorting papers on his desk, seeing him brought me a kind of comfort. He looked up and our eyes met, there was such compassion within his eyes; it was as if he could see right through me to what was really going on, and he wanted to help. I have always been good at reading people, it seems I have met my match in this man.

Margret and I took our seats in the first row; even though I did not want to be at the front of the class in the moment, I decided I would anyway. I would not do anything different from what I usually do. I pulled out my pen and paper and waited for the class to begin. When I glanced up, my eyes met Ariston's again. There was a longing in his eyes, not a longing to kiss me but to comfort me. Even though there is no way Ariston could know what happened between Aaron and I, he longed to erase my pain just as I longed to erase his. For some reason I could not explain, that meant the world to me. I smiled a little to him and saw the ghost of a smile tug at the corner of his lips.

Five minutes later, Ariston began the class. I found myself watching him intently, unable to help it. Looking at him seems to be the only thing to break through the confusion. His voice soothes me, and for a while I can forget about what is going on. When the class ended I got up and walked past him, I could feel his eyes on me as I left the classroom. As much as I wanted to speak to him, I could not right then. I knew that I needed to think and being around him does not exactly bring about coherent thoughts.

I made myself focus on my other classes, no thoughts of Aaron or Ariston I allowed into my mind. I focused on every word the teachers said and took notes even though I have a perfect memory. Aaron was in most of my classes, he would not look at me, not once.

I did not want the school day to end, when it did I would have to think again, and thinking hurt. Margret said she would ride Willow today, so I was left with little to do.

As I walked with Margret and Jack back to our dorm, I had to ask him about Aaron.

"How is Aaron?" I asked Jack. He looked at me, with worry for his friend apparent in his eyes.

"He hasn't said a word to me since he got back last night." Jack told me. "I've never seen him like this before, not even when we lost a game. Did something happen between you guys?" Jack asked. I nodded, not wanting to say anymore. "What hap,?" Jack started to ask when he stopped mid-word; I guessed that Margret shut him up.

"I am going to the Stables." I said to them.

"Dressed like that?" Margret asked, speaking of my white shorts and dusty rose shirt. No one in their right mind would wear this at a barn, it would get dirty in two seconds.

"I have a set of clothing to change into there." I said.

"Alright, I will see you there later." Margret said to me. I nodded and walked off in the direction of the Stables.

I knew it would take an hour to reach the Stables walking, even at a good pace, but I did not care, I knew that I needed to think. Well not 'think' per se, just feel and try to sort this mess out. But the more I felt, the more that confusion grew, along with my frustration. By the time I got to the woods, I could not stand the slow pace anymore and I began to run as fast as I could. With how I pushed myself, I reached the paddocks within five minutes, and went to see Willow in her paddock. She came over towards me, happy to see me as always. I opened the fence and went in, closing the gate behind me and making certain it was latched. I walked towards the gray mare, she seemed to be even sweeter and more animated today, and that was saying something.

"Hi girl." I said, stroking her neck in greeting.

I hugged her neck and she put her head against my back, hugging me in return while also sniffing my back pocket. I breathed in her scent, she smelled like ShowSheen, the spray we groom the horses with to help get the dirt off. Of course Show Sheen was incredibly slippery, therefor it should not be used liberally where the saddle goes, or else it can slip. The spray is another of the scents I love, one I grew up with.

I felt tears prickling my eyes, these thoughts of my worries too much to take, and I turned to walk away while taking a deep breath to calm myself. I heard a sound and I looked back to see Willow following me. I smiled and stroked her face and began walking again, only to have her trot by my side and nudge me with her head. I knew why she was following me, she sensed my pain and wanted to help. If only she could help me with this. With tears in my eyes that I would not shed, I hugged her once more then stroked her face while looking into her eyes.

"I will be okay, girl." I said, and then left the paddock.

I took measured breaths as I walked back down the path and into the Stables, breathing in the scent that floated in the air, it helped to calm me. Vrontos stuck his head out of his stall, the majestic stallion seemed to glow, even in the slight shadows. He nodded his head to me and I smiled and walked over to him and stroked his neck.

"What am I to do Vrontos?" I asked the horse. "I may not love Aaron as I once did, but I still do care for him greatly. I cannot hurt him... but I do not know if I can stay with him either." I sighed, tears prickling in my eyes once again as I rested my forehead against Vrontos' cheek.

"Mera." I turned around to see Ariston standing there. I do not know how I missed his coming. That same longing was in his eyes. Something told me that he hated seeing me in pain. I was silent for a moment as I looked into his eyes, I took a breath before speaking.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked.

"Long enough, forgive me." He answered, not looking away from my eyes.

"It is okay;" I told him. "I only ask that you tell no one. I do not want the whole school to know what is going on, and you would be surprised how fast a rumor can spread when the wrong person knows."

"You have my word, on my honor, that I will speak of this to no one." Ariston promised.

"Thank you." I said to him.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked.

"It is just stupid high school drama." I lied with a smile that I tried to make look convincing. He was not buying it.

"It is bothering you." He stated.

"I will be fine." I said holding my head high. I knew he saw through my facade but he nodded.

"If you change your mind and wish to talk, let me know." He said. "I am here for you."

I nodded, trying not to let myself feel how much those five words meant to me, then walked away. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked towards the grain room.

My mind was racing with a million thoughts, my heart with a million different feelings, most of which were contradicting each other. Margret came shortly after. I helped her tack up Willow and watched her ride, and watched Ariston out of the corner of my eye as well, meeting his eyes every now and then as he rode. Could he hold the answers as I thought he might?

I decided that I would not work today, since I did not want to have to pretend I was all right in front of the girls. After Margret rode we took care of Willow, and then left to return to our apartment.


I looked at my clock, 6am it read. I sighed, knowing full well I was not going to be able to fall back asleep.

I have barely spoken two words to Ariston in the last week. I cannot deny that I feel something for him, and I know that it would be wrong to spend any amount of time with him until I have set things straight with Aaron. Except for greetings, Ariston has not said much to me, he seems to know I need space, but I wonder if he knows how badly I want to be around him, how much I truly miss his company and every conversation we have yet to have.

I have seen Aaron in our classes, and caught a few glimpses of him around school, but I have not spoken to him and he still will not look at me. I have to make a decision, and soon; I cannot keep doing this to him. He does not need to be hanging on because he has not heard my choice, which I am yet to make.

I got up and brushed my teeth, then changed into my running clothing and put my cell phone in my pocket. I did not take the time to eat but I did leave a note for Margret telling her that I went to the Stables and would see her later. I had been in my dorm all weekend, and I could not stand to be there for another moment.

I went out of the door and quickly made my way down the hallway, running down the stairs as quickly as I could. My mind was racing and so was I, trying to outrun the guilt and confusion, the pain inside of me that has been an almost constant for the past week. I was outside in no time, running as fast as I could push myself to go. Running has always helped to clear my mind. I ran the four miles to the Stables in just over ten minutes, I have always been a fast runner and when I push myself I am even faster.

I heard the music when I got close to the Stables, hip-hop, that would be Marge's music. I could hear my friends' laughter as I walked in. Ella walked out of a stall she had finished cleaning and spotted me, surprised that I was there. I did not need to work until tomorrow.

"I thought you weren't working today?" She asked over the music.

"I changed my mind." I said with a smile. She shrugged.

"Suit yourself, you know where the pitchforks are." She said and danced back to her work.

I smiled at that and went to get a pitchfork. Heather and Olivia were out there. They were both surprised to see me, Heather was happy, Olivia said "Hi" but that was it.

"Just couldn't stay away from us?" Heather asked, raising an eyebrow jokingly.

"I felt like coming today." I said with a shrug.

I grabbed a pitchfork and an empty muck bucket, then went to the first stall that was dirty and began cleaning it. The work helped to clear my mind, which I was desperately grateful for. When we were finished with the work, we all sat around on the Stables' floor and talked while the music played.

"So I went to the lake this weekend, and you will never guess who I saw there." Ella said, her tone full of gossip she could not wait to share. I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"And who would that be? Alex? Marshal? Quinn?" I asked, naming off a few of the guys on her list. All she ever talks about is boys, it can get very annoying, but I also find it amusing.

"Well yes, yes and yes, but they were all with their girlfriends." She said with a frown before her face lit up. "Who I saw was Ariston Crete." She said dreamily.

The name stopped me, my eyes shooting to hers as I yearned to hear about him. I have barely seen him except in class in over a week, which felt like a year, and even though I was loathe to admit it, I missed him, greatly.

"Really?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Yeah and oh my goodness! You should see him in his swim trunks." She said with a smile on her face. "His body is AMAZING! I have never seen anything like it!" She exclaimed. "Hot does not even begin to describe him."

Before I could think to stop myself, an image of Ariston in swimwear appeared before my mind, my heart fluttering and a blush settling over my cheeks at the thought of him shirtless.

"I like his name, I wonder what it means?" Marge said.

"It means 'the best,'" I said absentmindedly; they all looked to me. "His name is Greek, it means 'the best.'" I said simply.

They already knew that I know some Greek, and I felt no need to tell them that I looked it up on Google. He is on my mind more and more these days. Somehow, in his absence I have only thought about him more and more. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder... and my heart was oh so fond of him... of course that did not help me with finding my answer about Aaron.

'The Cupid Shuffle' by Cupid started playing; we smiled to each other and were on our feet in the next moment. Marge goes to a Latin dance class called Zumba, she learned the steps to the song there, and then taught them to us. Ella, Marge, Heather, Olivia and myself began dancing to the all too familiar moves, all four of us moving together and laughing while we joked around. I love being with them, they always know how to make me feel better. When we finished the dance, we danced to the next song, Marc Anthony's 'I Need To Know'.

"Go Mera!" Heather called out.

I laughed and kept dancing; I have never only danced with my hips, I dance with my whole body. I have been told by many people that I should be a professional dancer, but it is just not my calling in life. To tell the truth, I do not know my calling in life, I know I want to help people but that is about it.

I spun around and stopped dancing for a moment, when I saw Ariston Crete standing in the aisle not too far from me, nodding his head to the music with his crooked smile that left me breathless. The moment I saw him, what was left of my worries disappeared and a sense of relief washed over me. I watched him, then I spun again and danced up to him, then around him in a circle, my arms above my head before trailing back down my body.

When I got back in front of him he held his hand out to me, such a smile upon his lips and a look within his eyes. I smiled and took his hand, enjoying the rush that flowed from him to me that I had missed so much. He spun me then placed his hand on my mid back and I put my hand on his shoulder, he has a perfect frame. We began to dance Latin Ballroom with him a respectable distance from me. It felt like we were flying, he dances like a professional.

He swept me around the Stables' aisle with breathtaking grace, the whole time I was engulfed by the sky blue of his eyes and lost in the warmth of his embrace. The way he moves is a seduction in itself. The sadness in his eyes lessened greatly while he was holding me in his arms. We moved together so perfectly and as the dance went on, we started dancing closer until our bodies were together. His body was solid, like living granite. The storm was flowing like a tempest between us but we never missed a step. When the song ended he dipped me, then slowly brought me back up.

We stood there looking into each others eyes, our breathing ragged. My heart was going like mad and not just from the dancing. We were so close, I had not truly realized until that moment how close we had gotten. His face was only inches from mine, his breath washing across my lips as I gazed up into his eyes. After a moment he removed his arms from around me and took a step back; I saw that look in his eyes again, he was pulling away from me.

"I think I am beginning to see a pattern here." I said breathlessly, speaking of the first time I saw him, he laughed.

"Hello Mera." Ariston said.

"Hello Ariston." I greeted him. "You are an amazing dancer."

"Thank you, as are you." He said before he stepped around me to stand a few feet away from me and properly greet the girls. I could not take my eyes off of him. "It is nice to see you all again." Ariston said to my friends with a friendly smile. "I hope you do not mind, I am here to ride my horse before class. I will not interfere with your work."

The girls all seemed to be at a loss for words under his gaze, I knew the feeling. Almost every time Ariston looked at one of the girls his eyes would snap back to me, like a rubber band. As for me, now that he was so near after being so far from me for this past week, my eyes were glued to him. He smiled as he met my eyes again.

"We do not mind; right girls?" I prompted them.

"Not at all," Ella said in her dreamy tone, which made me laugh as the others murmured their agreements, my eyes still gazing into those sky blue ones. He smiled to my friends.

"I will be on my way then," Ariston told us, then looked to me, a slight smile on his lips. A dozen emotions flashed in his eyes again, some of which were a mixture of resignation and hope. And even though he hid it well enough, I could see a loneliness in his eyes. "Thank you for the dance." He said to me.

"You're very welcome." I said, smiling and blushing. He stood there for a moment, looking into my eyes, before walking around us. I watched him go, all the while wanting to go with him, all the while wishing I could dance like that again with him.

"Wow, can he dance or what?" Marge said in amazement when Ariston had walked down the aisle and turned right, towards the paddocks. I smiled and turned around to them. "You two looked perfect together! I have never seen anyone who can dance the way you can before." Marge said to me and I smiled despite myself.

"He is so hot!" Ella said in her dreamy tone, almost pouting. I realized that all the girls were looking at me with suspicion in their eyes and smiles on their faces.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't look so innocent, I saw the way you looked at him." Olivia said. "You so like him."

"I do not know what you are talking about." I told her with my head held high. If it were not for the uncontrollable blush on my cheeks, my face would have given nothing away.

"He could not take his eyes off of you." Heather stated. To that I had no reply but for a smile that I tried to hide.

"Oh come on!" Ella said. "You guys were stuck to each other like glue! You were basically dirty dancing." My body felt the heat radiating from me, remembering the warmth of his body...

"Girls, she has a boyfriend." Marge said, trying to help me. That sparked something within me, Aaron. I sucked in a breath of air as reality hit me.

"Mera?" Heather asked, noticing my emotions.

"I need to, to throw down some bales of hay." I said as I walked past them.

As I turned the corner, I noticed Ariston walking Vrontos in; our eyes met for a moment before I turned and walked away, no matter how much I wanted to run into his arms. I did what I could to keep my tears in, I would not cry. I quickly went up the stairs and into the hayloft, to the back where I sat down on a bale of hay and put my head in my hands. I would not cry, not again.

"Are you alright?" I stood up at the sound of his voice and looked at Ariston. Worry was clear in his ancient eyes, that and a deep need to comfort me. I felt a tear begin to roll down my cheek and I shook my head.

"No." I answered, I could not lie to him.

I could see in his eyes that all he wanted was to make my pain go away. It touched me deeply knowing that he cared. He is not the type to pry and I was thankful for that. Ariston walked towards me, our eyes never losing contact. He stopped a foot away from me and gently placed his hand on my upper arm in a comforting way, with such compassion in his ancient eyes. Even in a moment like this his touch did not fail to inspire those feelings within me. A warmth spread through me from the storm of his touch as a blush appeared on my cheeks, though the tender touch simply brought more tears to the brim of my eyes.

"Is there anything I can do?" Ariston asked, almost pleading. How did this get reversed? I wondered. I am the one who is supposed to be easing his pain.

At that moment, looking into his eyes, I could not stop myself; I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head on his chest. His body went stiff for a moment in surprise, before his arms gently wrapped around me, his hands rubbing my back and stroking my hair. My eyes closed as I crumbled into him. Tears did escape my eyes then and Ariston gently rested his cheek on my forehead. The comfort I found in his arms was immense, his warmth surrounded me.

"It is going to be alright, Mera." Ariston's voice was soothing, like balm to my wounds and I knew that everything would be okay. I nodded and held him closer.

My tears stopped after a few minutes, but I did not let go of him and he did not let me go of me. For the first time in over a week I was at peace and I was not ready for it to end. His warmth felt indescribable, even in the 70-degree weather. I became lost in the warmth, the comfort as he still caressed my back, an easy thing to do with him. The scent coming off of him was an intoxicating and potent mixture of mint and vanilla, it went straight to my head, making it spin. How does he smell of mint? My favorite scent and flavor?

I did not care why I was feeling what I was feeling, or that it should feel wrong to be in another man's arms; all I wanted was to stay here in this comfort for an immeasurable amount of time. A few minutes later, however, I decided I should let go and slowly, reluctantly did. Ariston let me go and I took a step back, looking at him. Even though I was slightly embarrassed by my actions, my whole body, every nerve, screamed to be back in his arms. It was all I could do to not wrap my arms around him again. As it was my heart was beating erratically.

"Better?" Ariston asked in his compassionate tone. I smiled and nodded.

"I am sorry about that." I said, blushing.

"There is nothing to be sorry for." He said, his voice gentle. "I do not mind holding you."

There was a look in his eyes that made my heart beat faster. He was so close to me, my heart was pounding, looking into his bottomless ancient eyes, the liquid sky blue seemed to be consuming me. Get a grip, I thought to myself to no avail. I knew that I should be stepping back right about now, but I could not seem to make my feet move from the spot I stood. My lips tingled in anticipation of a kiss.

Would the pain go away if I were to kiss him? Would it feel as wonderful as it felt when he held me? Would it make everything all right? A part of me needed to see what it would feel like to kiss his lips. My lips parted and I began to lean towards him when he closed his eyes and took a step back, his jaw locked. He opened his eyes and put a smile on his lips, though it did not touch his gaze. He was pulling away from me yet again, and it nearly shattered my heart and soul for him to do so.

"Shall we?" Ariston asked, gesturing towards the stairs.

I smiled and nodded as we walked through the hay bales. I walked down the stairs with him following me; I could still feel his arms around me, his body against mine, and this absurd need to kiss him was taking over. I knew I had to get away from him, before this need overtook me completely, and I would end up throwing myself into his arms again.

"I should be going, I need to take a shower before school." I said to Ariston at the bottom of the stairs, turning to him to say goodbye. He nodded, his eyes downcast for a time.

He took my hand, making a rush flow through me, and placed a kiss on it as he met my eyes, then he held that treasured hand for another moment; I grasped his hand, lost in his eyes.

"I will see you in class." Ariston said with a smile, one I hesitantly returned.

"Until then." I said, looking into his eyes. "Thank you." He nodded.

A moment later he let go of my hand and I used what strength I had not to take hold of his hand again. I blushed and walked away but I could not help glancing back, only to find Ariston was watching me, making me smile as his smile greeted me. I made myself continue walking, no matter how much I desired to stay with him and talk about things I could only imagine.


Two days passed. I could not wait any longer, I have to make a decision regarding Aaron, and I can only think of one person who could put this into perspective, who might be able to make sense out of this mess. Yes, I wanted to spend time with him; yet this was not about that need, this was about something else. I greeted Ariston when I got to class with Margret, then we took our seats, my mind going through the decision I had to make.

When the class ended, I waited until everyone had left the History classroom, fiddling with my book bag to look busy.

"Are you coming?" Margret asked.

"I will meet up with you later." I told her.

"Okay." She said, then walked out with Jack as I looked up to see Ariston talking with a student, seeming deep in conversation. Once everyone was finally gone, I stood and went over to Ariston, he looked to me from where he stood.

"I want to talk." I said to him, knowing he would know what I meant. He nodded.

"When?" Ariston asked, and I remembered I still had the rest of my classes left.

"After school, the Stables?" I asked.

"I will be there." He said.

"Thank you." I said, he nodded.

I became lost in his sky blue eyes, how can they be so beautiful? Ariston looked away from my eyes a few moments later, glancing to his papers. And it was only then that I found the will to make my legs move, trying to keep my thoughts on anything but him so I would not be tempted to forget the rest of school and talk with him.


The school day seemed to take forever to end. I was nearly tapping my foot all day, and each time I saw Ariston every part of me wanted to talk with him. When it finally did end, I got a ride to the Stables with Margret, seeing as how it was quicker than walking.

Ariston was waiting outside the Stables for me, leaning against the wall with two white paper bags in his hand. My mind went to when he held me and how it felt. I blushed and shook my head as the need to kiss him came back.

"Do you want me to pick you up later?" Margret asked.

"No, I think I will run." I said to her. "Thank you though." She gave me a smile and I got out of her coupe.

I walked to Ariston and he closed the distance to me. I felt calmer in his presence, calm and serene.

"Thank you for coming." I said to him. I looked around at all the people in the Stables, I did not want to talk in front of them.

"Why don't we take a walk." Ariston offered, seeming to know my thoughts, I nodded.

We walked in silence down the path to the cross-country field side by side, paddocks on either side of us until the fence gave way to the huge five acre cross-country field. We walked around and towards the edge. There were only a few riders on course, but they were on the other side of the field.

"Shall we sit?" Ariston asked, gesturing to the log jump that I have jumped many times on Willow. We sat down next to each other and Ariston handed me one of the paper bags. "For you." He said.

I was thoroughly confused, wondering what could be in the bag. I opened it up to find a Greek Salad in a glass Tupperware container with another container of Sweet Potato French Fries and Pita Bread.

"I thought you might be hungry so I whipped something up." Ariston said to me, the warmth within his eyes making me melt.

"You made this for me?" I asked, touched at the thought. Ariston nodded, his smile growing. "That was very sweet of you; thank you." The sweet gesture made me smile.

I opened up the container and poured the dressing onto it, the meal smelled wonderful, with feta cheese, hot green peppers, sliced black olives, ripe tomatoes and rings of red onions and slices of cucumbers. I glanced at Ariston, seeing him opening up a mirror of my own meal on his lap, meeting his eyes and smiling. The food was beyond delicious and truth be told, I was hungry. I had rushed here after class without taking the time to eat. Ariston and I sat on that log together, eating in silence as the sun alternated between shining warmly and hiding behind the clouds of the day. I took my time eating, wanting to enjoy every moment with this wonderful man.

"That was delicious." I told Ariston when I had finished, closing the containers. "Thank you again."

"You are very welcome, I am happy you enjoyed it." Ariston said, taking my container and putting both of ours to his right side, away from sight. "I take it you wanted to talk about you and Aaron?" Ariston asked and I nodded, my thoughts racing again.

"I do not know where to begin." I said, looking at him.

"Wherever you wish." He said gently, I nodded and took a moment to breathe.

"As I told you before, Aaron and I have been together for two years, and we were friends for a year before that. I thought I loved him, and he still means so very much to me." I began. "A few months ago, I began to realize that something was missing between Aaron and I. I said nothing to him because I thought I was just being ridiculous; but when I watched Margret with Jack... the love they share is simply too true to miss. I want that so badly, and I wanted to have it with Aaron.

"The day you and I met, just over a week ago, Aaron took me to the restaurant where we had our first date. While we sat at our table, he told me that he loved me. It was not the first time he has said the words to me, and I have said them back countless times before and meant them. But when he said that he loved me that night... I could not say it back. I tried so many times that night, but I could not say the words to him." I paused before continuing.

"Later, he took me to see the city lights. He kissed me for the first time in that spot, and since then we go there every now and then to make out. I had hoped to forget everything else that happened during our date and just be with him, just kiss him. But when we kissed... I felt nothing, nothing at all, just the skin of his lips, nothing else. I used to feel something when Aaron would kiss me, I used to like it, I used to want him to kiss me. I tried kissing him deeper but it did not help." I said. I was silent, not able to wrap my head around the mess of emotions within me. I loved him, so why should this happen?

"Have you told him?" Ariston asked, I looked to him and shook my head.

"No, but he knows something is not right. I pulled away from him when we were kissing and started crying. I never cry. I asked him to promise me that no matter what happens that we will always be friends, and he promised. I have not spoken to him since that night; he will not even look at me in class." I looked down at my hands and said the next part in a low voice. "I do not want to lose all that we have had for the past two years, but some part of me knows that it is already gone." I sighed and looked into Ariston's eyes, begging for answers.

"I do not know what to do," I told him, feeling desperate. "Should I wait this out and see if it changes? Will it ever change? Or will it be just this, kissing and friendship? If that is so, then I cannot help but want... more. Is it wrong that I want more?" I asked, Ariston shook his head with a gentle smile.

"No, it is not wrong to want more. If you want more, it means that something is lacking in your relationship." Ariston said. He was silent as he seemed to be deep in thought. "I must ask you if you two are intimate." He met my eyes.

"What does that have to do with this?" I asked, embarrassed, even though the question seemed to be more about what was going on between Aaron and I, rather than his own curiosity. He chuckled at my response, but quieted himself.

"You would be surprised." He said simply, with knowledgeable eyes. "Both having sex and not having sex can strain a relationship."

"How can having sex strain a relationship?" I asked, confused. I would think it would have the opposite effect.

"Well, it can, if it is not good sex." Ariston explained with a smile that made me blush horribly and look away before speaking.

"No, we are not... intimate. He wants to, but I am just not ready... it does not feel right when it starts to go there." I said, feeling a bit nervous. I looked back to him after I spoke; the gentleness within his eyes calmed my nerves.

"Well then let me ask you another question. Earlier in your relationship, did you feel more for him than you do now?" Ariston asked. I thought back.

"Yes. I loved every moment of being with him, I loved kissing him. I loved him." I said. Ariston was silent for a moment before he looked into my eyes.

"Do you love him now?" Ariston asked, looking deep into my eyes. "Truly love him?"

"I... I do not know." I told him. "I feel as if I have not known the answer to that question in a very long while. All I know is that nothing feels right anymore." Ariston was silent for a few moments, he looked deep in thought as I watched him. That focus was something I would need to draw sometime soon.

"To quote the Poet Gibran," Ariston spoke, his eyes still far away, set on the rolling hills. "'Love and Doubt have never been on speaking terms.' Which means that if you do not know in the very depths of your soul that you love this boy, then you do not love him. Sometimes love can take time to grow, or for hardheaded lovers to realize their feelings for each other. You and Aaron have been together for two years and your feelings for him have only lessened. That is not love, not true love. Of course love is one of those things that makes the least sense out of everything; and there in lies its beauty.

"Another saying by Gibran is 'Love that does not renew itself every day becomes a habit and in turn a Slavery.' Meaning that if you do not love the one you are with more each day than you did the last, you become stuck and that is not natural. Love is meant to grow, for each day to be better than the last." Ariston smiled. "True, it is almost guaranteed that there will be hard times in a relationship and that you will get upset with each other; but when you truly love someone that does not matter. When you truly love the one you are with, you know that as long as you are together you can overcome any obstacle.

"So many people stay with those they do not truly love because to them, it is better then being alone. They are comfortable with the familiar, so they stay where they do not belong, because they are afraid that things will be worse if they venture out into the unknown. In life and in love you have to take risks. You must let go and give yourself over to a higher power, or else you will miss out on what makes life worth living." Ariston paused for a moment before continuing. "A wise woman once told me that souls are born in pairs. Everyone has a soul mate, but they have to be open to seeing one another or else they can pass each other right by."

Ariston was silent for a long while, allowing me to absorb his profound words. He is so passionate when he speaks of love; and I understood that you can only understand love in such a way if you have felt it. I thought of his wife as I met his sky blue eyes.

"You really loved her." I said without thinking. I saw pain in his eyes before he looked away, and I immediately regretted my words. "I am so sorry for bringing that up."

"It is alright." Ariston said, looking down at his hands. "I will always love her, she is a part of me." He took a deep breath, then looked up at the grounds again. "I do not know what you feel for this boy, only you can know that. It may not be that you do not love Aaron. Perhaps your feelings for him are simply not romantic. You can love someone deeply and truly without wanting to be in a relationship with them. It is called friendship.

"Based on what you have said, I would advise that you end your relationship with Aaron or, better yet, call your relationship what it is, a friendship. It may take some time, but if he truly cares for you, then he will want you in his life even if only as a friend. And most of all, he will want you to be happy, whatever that may mean." Ariston said, then looked into my eyes in all sincerity. "And I would also have to strongly advise against being intimate with Aaron; if there is no real spark when you kiss, then being with him in such a way will not be enjoyable; especially if it is your first time." Ariston said this with all seriousness. "Sex will not fix your relationship." I nodded and looked away as I blushed.

We were silent for a while. I had a lot to think about. One thing I love about being with Ariston is that he does not feel the need to fill every silence with mindless small talk. He can just be in silence and enjoy it; it was... peaceful.

"Thank you. You did make some sense of this." I said, then shook my head. "I just do not want to hurt him. We have been through so much together."

"It would be worse for you to stay with him if you do not truly love him," Ariston told me. "It would be a lie; and in the end, you will hurt him even more if you string him along. If you do not love him, tell him. He deserves the truth, everyone does."

"You are right." I said, still lost in thought. Ariston was silent for a time.

"I do need to be getting back. Would you like a ride to your dorm?" Ariston asked, I met his eyes and smiled a bit.

"That would be wonderful, thank you." I said to him.

We walked out of the cross-county field, then up the path back to the Stables in a deep silence. I did not want to lose Aaron, he is one of my best friends, someone I trust and even love. Yet the truth remained the same. I could not see myself being as in love with him as he is with me; our love for each other would never be equal, and love, in my mind, was not meant to be that way. You should need that person more than anything.

Vrontos was in his paddock, he stood by the fence with his ears forward, his coat glimmering in the sunlight. Ariston and I walked up to the gate as Vrontos made his way down to greet us.

"Hello old friend." Ariston greeted his horse, who much to my surprise, walked right past his owner and to me. Ariston chuckled as I stroked the horse's head and I met his eyes. "I should be used to this by now, he has always liked women." Ariston said, as if he should have realized and I looked back towards the beautiful steed. "He and Kallisto are quite fond of each other." Ariston said with love within his voice.

Hearing Ariston say a woman's name with such affection sent a surge of some emotion within me. I closed my eyes when I realized what it was; jealousy. I looked up at Ariston in curiosity, putting away this ridiculous emotion as best I could.

"Kallisto?" I asked him, keeping my voice calm even with the feeling burning inside of me.

"My daughter." Ariston said with pride in his voice. I let out a breath quietly in relief; I had all but forgotten that he has a daughter.

"What is she like?" I asked him.

"A lot like her mother, thankfully." Ariston said with a smile, his eyes far away. "She is beautiful and kind, with her mothers sense of humor. She sees the beauty in everything; even though she is grown, she has not lost her sense of wonder. Kallisto is a true joy to be around, I do not know what I would do without her." Ariston said fondly, I could not help smiling at the obvious love he has for his daughter.

"What does she get from you?" I asked him.

"Not much fortunately." He said with a laugh. "She has my eyes, curly hair and my love for good books; all else she gets from her mother, especially her face." His eyes were far away for a time.

He took out his phone and handed it to me. The photo on the high resolution screen showed a beautiful woman with platinum blond curly hair and Ariston's sky blue eyes. She had beautifully angular features and an even smile; a kind of wisdom seemed to permeate through those eyes that were so like her fathers.

"She is beautiful." I said as I handed the phone back to him, he looked at it with that utter devotion within his eyes, then slid the phone into his back pocket. "Is she still in Thessaly?" I asked, assuming she was there where he lived.

"For the moment; she travels often." He told me.

"She must miss you." I said to him, he smiled a bit.

"She is probably glad to be rid of me, although she would never admit it; she never admits her annoyances. Not to me at least." Ariston said the last part almost under his breath, his eyes far away as his smile lessened.

"I know I miss my father." I said, Ariston smiled to me, though the smile was only half of one.

"Come, my car is in the parking lot." He said.

We walked to the parking lot together, but the black Range Rover I saw him driving the day I met him was no where in sight. Ariston took out his keys and pressed the button on them. A midnight blue car that was a cross between a Rolls Royce and a Lamborghini beeped. It was a true work of art, with breathtaking details.

"That is your car?" I asked in amazement.

"It is." Ariston replied.

"Wow." Was all I could say.

He walked over to the passenger door and held it open it for me, I smiled to him and got in. He closed the door behind me before walking around the front of the car to get into the drivers seat. I found the interior to be a timeless and stunning design, white leather with midnight blue trim. It was very classy.

"Your car is beautiful." I said.

"Thank you, I had my brother customize it for me. He is quite the mechanic." Ariston told me; he turned the key and the car purred to life in a gentle way.

He rolled down the windows with the press of a button, and began speeding down the open road, the ride was so smooth and under his control that I barely noticed the speed. He turned on the radio, to my favorite station as it turns out. Ariston began singing to a song he knew and I watched him with my mouth hanging open at the sound of his singing, stunned by his tenor. He smiled to me and kept singing.

I rested my head on the door frame, loving the sound of his singing as he kept me smiling while my worries disappeared. My hair blew in the warm wind from the open windows, the sun warming my skin. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh, feeling completely at rest. It was strangely wonderful, going from being so overwhelmed I could hardly breathe... to this when I am with him. I still find it amazing the mixture of emotions that come over me when I am with Ariston, I feel completely at peace but at the same time excited. I feel... alive when I am with him. It did not matter what I had felt before, he brought me the respite and peace I needed to help bring my mind to order, or at least as close as I could get.

I opened my eyes a few minutes later and looked over to this amazingly wise man, only to find him looking at me with what seemed like a mixture of awe and hope in his sky blue eyes. I blushed and he smiled and turned back to the road. I looked away but could not help glancing back. His black curly hair was tussled by the wind, a slight smile on his beautiful lips. I looked down and noticed his hand resting on the seat between us; as thoughts came back to me, my mind racked with too many emotions to manage, for the second time this week, I did something impulsive. I took his hand. Ariston's eyes flashed to mine as those feelings surged through me. So many emotions were present within those ancient eyes as his fingers closed softly around my own.

With his hand wrapped softly yet securely around my own, it gave me all the strength I needed to understand and come to terms with what I needed to do; whenever those thoughts were too much I would squeeze his hand, and he would return the pressure. Our eyes met countless times on the rest of the ride, though no words were exchanged between us he knew how much it meant to me that he held my hand; it was as he said before, Ariston is there for me. I wished the ride would never end, that my hand would need not let go of his own, that I would not have to leave this car.

When we turned onto the oak-lined paved road which led towards my dorm, my heart sank. The dorm came into sight, and we drove to the front garden, where Ariston stopped his car. Seeing the students walking around, I carefully slipped my hand from Ariston's, reminding myself that in others eyes he was my teacher, and I his student. Teachers have gotten in trouble for less than holding hands with a student, and no part of me wished to bring such forces upon this man who has taken time out of his day to help me more than once.

Ariston looked at me, looking into my eyes as an ache formed within my heart. I did not want to get out, I was not ready to be parted from his presence. I gazed into his eyes, lost within his shade of sky blue, and I once again tried to understand the source of these feelings within me; why I was so drawn to him, why he brought me comfort when no one else could. Some sadness returned to his eyes right before he looked away from me, his jaw clenched as he looked straight ahead.

"This is about what you want, Mera." Ariston's voice was soft, resigned, and I heard a forced detachment within it. "If you want to be with Aaron, if something in you says that there will be more between you again... then be with him. Follow your heart, it knows the answers you seek." Ariston would still not meet my eyes.

"I know what I am going to do; I have made my decision." I said; he nodded, his eyes still looking out the windshield at nothing in particular.

When it was clear that he was not going to look back to me, I sighed, then used all the will I had left to get out of the car and close the door behind me. I did not want our moment to end, for me to walk back into my dorm without him. I forced myself to walk ahead, but I had not taken more than three steps when I heard his voice.

"Mera?" Ariston said, his voice sounded almost desperate.

I turned around and went back to his car. I bent down and poked my head through where the window would be, and resting my arms on the door frame to see his handsome face; I was taken aback by the intensity of his gaze, his eyes seemed to be pleading, swimming with a thousand unsaid words. His lips parted to say something but no words came out for a moment.

"I will see you tomorrow." Ariston finally said, though I could see in his eyes those were not the words he wanted to say.

"Until tomorrow." I said with a smile, I wanted to hold him so badly, to take away his worries as Ariston did for me.

When he turned his head away from me, I stood up and watched him drive away; it strangely felt like he was taking a part of me with him. When his car was out of sight, I turned and walked through the gardens toward my dorm. Though my mind was still fuzzy with thoughts of him, I knew what I would do when the time came, and that time would have to be soon.