carnation (yellow) – disdain and rejection
carnation (white) – sweet and lovely


Chapter 11: Carnation

People don't go to business meetings or for anything business-related dressed in sweatpants and a white tank top, especially if you're one of the higher-ups, and even if you're someone named Mukuro. Whimsical, attractive, cruel Rokudo Mukuro. Tsuna considered it, considered that Hibari and Mukuro were only there since they were both businessmen, considered that it was only an obligatory meeting. But how could he when Mukuro was dressed so casually, laughing as if he didn't do something heartless to him, with Hibari giving him a rare amused smile.

Hibari and Mukuro were friends.

Hibari didn't tell him anything.

Hibari was with Mukuro all along, playing with him.

I think we can trust him.

Tsuna couldn't see how he could trust Hibari, not when he kept something this important to him. He knew Hibari was an emotionally-closed person, so when he saw that smile, he was confident they had a close relationship. Were all the things Hibari did for him, say to him a farce? Liking him, giving him sweet messages through flowers – they were all a sham.

Mukuro used to be Tsuna's everything. For someone who was mocked for a huge chunk in his life, Tsuna felt happy when he found a person who loved him, cared for him, handled him with so much tenderness that at times it felt suffocating. Mukuro was an overachiever, smart, charismatic. To have someone so special look at him as if he was extremely fragile, Tsuna always wanted to cry.

But it was a joke that ran for almost two years, and now here was Hibari providing a sequel to the joke. Clumsy, attractive, cruel Hibari Kyouya.

Tsuna's back was starting to hurt at the amount of time he had been slumping on the ground. He stood up, realisation dawning that the bouquet he was holding was becoming crushed. Cringing and mumbling an apology, he did his best to fix it. The flowers were innocent; the person giving it was not. Lavenders and white carnations, devotion and sweetness. How Tsuna wanted to smash a bouquet of yellow carnations in Hibari's chest.

He ignored the ringing of his phone and trudged back to his apartment.

-x-

Shit. Tsuna pushed the heels of his hands to his eyes at seeing his phone and the sunlight beaming down on him. It was just too bright. Waking up to see almost twenty missed calls from his friends made him groan. His friends were definitely coming over to the shop today to question him, and he was not in the mood for that. He sent a message on their LINE group, telling them he needed time alone and he would talk to them soon.

Luce was alarmed at Tsuna's state when he entered the shop. "I didn't get enough sleep," he had said. Looking at the mirror in the back room, he cringed at how pale and sullen he was. The bags underneath his eyes were incredibly ugly. But he didn't cry, and he was proud of it – he already wasted so much tears for Mukuro. He would not give them the satisfaction of taking more from him.

He stayed up contemplating what to say to Hibari today, how he'll bring up the topic of Mukuro, the topic of betrayal, the topic of how stupid he was for almost falling for Hibari. Perhaps it was a businessman thing to be cruel. Tsuna was aware of Mukuro's wealthy status when they were in university, but he couldn't care less about it, although Hibari being of the same status as him was one of the things that made Tsuna wary of him, an unfair reminder of his past.

Washing his face to at least refresh it, Tsuna winced when it didn't help. He gave up and went back to the main room. He looked at the clock and his heart started beating fast in panic. Brave words had yet to arrive in his mind. What was he going to say to Hibari?

"Tsunayoshi-kun, you really don't look well, and it doesn't seem like it's just lack of sleep," said Luce gently. "Have today off and rest after Hibari-kun comes. It's almost the time he arrives anyway."

If Tsuna insisted on going home right away, he didn't doubt that Luce would agree to let him go. She was too sweet and kind. But he shook his head, saying, "I'm all right, really. I promise I am, but if the way I look is distracting," he paused, "maybe I'll just stay at the counter? I'm not really, I mean, I just look like..."

"Crap," finished Luce.

Tsuna gave a small smile in amusement. "Thanks, boss."

He was glad Luce didn't push him to tell what he was thinking about, because even he didn't know how to talk about it. While she was practically a mother figure to him, all Luce knew was that someone had cheated on him a long time ago. It was a story he had not the hobby of spreading.

Drumming his fingers on the counter, Tsuna allowed his mind to think. After Mukuro graduated, he had started becoming prominent in the business sector as the heir to a large corporation, and Tsuna was proud, extremely proud. He started looking at the economic side of the news – which never interested him – hoping just hoping to see a glimpse of him, feel the tiny butterflies enter his stomach again and again.

When the fiasco with Mukuro happened, he had started averting his eyes from news related to the business sector to avoid that traitor. Maybe if he had at least looked again once carefully on the news, he would have been more prepared the first day he met Hibari. It was funny how he didn't even remember Hibari's name in the news, how irrelevant he was then, how big an impact Mukuro was for him to become blind to others.

Hibari hid a lot of things from him – why he liked him, how he knew his house, knowing Mukuro, yet he had the gall to state he would make Tsuna fall in love with him. No wonder. It was all a game from the start. But he thought there was a chance to move on, hope to get away from the shackles Mukuro put on him. He snorted. Mukuro must have thought Tsuna was an incredibly fun play thing if he still made a fool out of him today, for years.

The problem was: Tsuna allowed himself to spend time with Hibari, to get to see his cute, loveable side, but now he didn't know if any of it was authentic. Perhaps it was, and along the joke Hibari thought Tsuna's presence was genuinely fun, that somehow he did like Tsuna. This was probably only him being delusional, hopeful, and stupid.

He heard Luce say, "Good morning, Hibari-kun."

Tsuna looked down and began wiping his sweaty hands on his pants; he didn't want to see Hibari, he wasn't prepared, but he wanted answers. Good, nice answers. Answers that would calm him, cradle him in security. He wanted Hibari to tell him that everything was okay, that despite his closeness with Mukuro, he didn't know anything about his past with him.

That he wasn't a traitor.

He finally looked up when he heard Hibari walk to him, talking to him with words that fell on deaf ears. The white carnations he held in his arms made Tsuna want to vomit. He didn't want this. He wanted security, love, a trustworthy Hibari Kyouya.

"Don't you have something important to tell me?" asked Tsuna, proud at himself for not faltering.

Hibari frowned. "No."

He was going to play this game. Tsuna choked, "I saw you with him, Hibari-san. What's your relationship with Mukuro?" Tell me it's nothing to be worried about.

Shit. Tsuna closed his eyes when Hibari tensed. It was something to be worried about.

"My relationship with him has nothing to do with you."

Tsuna began cackling; this man was treating him like a complete buffoon. He was one, probably.

He snarled, "It has everything to do with me."

Hibari was looking at him with an expression he had never seen on him before – agitated. "Your past with him has nothing to do with me wanting you, Tsunayoshi."

Stop saying my name. "You knew," Tsuna stood up and glared at him, "you knew about us and didn't tell me anything? You know how hung up I was about falling in love, you even asked why I swore I'll never love again, but you actually knew about everything? Treated me like an idiot? Hibari-san, this is just, I just, I can't, I." Tsuna felt his knees go weak and collapsed back on the stool, hands covering his face.

Tsuna whispered, "Did you have fun making a fool out of me?"

Hibari hissed, "I am not making a fool out of you. I am in love with you. I have always been. That man will remain in the past; he has nothing to do with the two of us now." If Hibari said that phrase one more time, Tsuna was going to pummel him.

"So you want to hide his existence from me? Your relationship of him and you? Do you think I can trust you after this crap you're pulling?" Tsuna was shouting, frustrated and angry and disappointed. "A relationship doesn't survive on lying and secrets, Hibari-san."

Hibari growled, "What would you have done if I told you, Tsunayoshi? Avoid me? You think that is what I wish to happen?"

"I would be shocked, of course," Tsuna retorted, "but you think hiding it is better? Is that how far your trust is in me?"

"But it seems you have no trust in me."

"Then start acting like I should trust you," bellowed Tsuna.

Hibari narrowed his eyes. "We," he paused, "are childhood acquaintances."

"And?"

"I believed it would be best if you hear the story from him."

"You think I want to meet him?" Tsuna sarcastically laughed. "I hate him, Hibari-san, and I am still bitter – I will always be bitter about what he did to me. He played me and laughed when I caught him, laughed when I was trying hard, so, so hard. I do not want to meet him."

"That man had genuine feelings for you, but—"

"Oh, my god. You're taking his side. You're fucking taking his side," he whispered. "Those carnations you're holding, let's pretend they're yellow and I gave them to you."

"I am not—"

"Leave."

"Let me—"

Tsuna roared, "Get out!"

"Tsunayoshi, I—"

"You are distressing my employee," said Luce, glaring fiercely at Hibari. "I must ask you to leave."

Hibari looked like he was about to object but instead asked, "Would you at least accept this?" He raised the bouquet.

Tsuna coldly replied, "No. I will not accept anything, Hibari-san. Not those flowers and definitely not you."

After a tense moment, Hibari stiffly nodded, turned back, and left the shop. Tsuna had never been so grateful to hear the door chime.

He wasn't aware how heavy his breathing had become until Luce hugged him, her hand making circular gestures at his back. Tsuna wanted to bawl, smash the nose of both men who deceived him, leave everything painful behind.

-x-

Refusing to go home, Tsuna was forced to work in the back room instead because his appearance and atmosphere, as Luce said, would scare the customers away. He was already calm, or as calm as he could be, his rage towards Mukuro resurfacing. He had always wanted to move on from him, and believe that someday there will be a day when he would become apathetic towards the man. But he couldn't get rid of his anger.

Tsuna had always stopped himself from dwelling in the past, hoping to make sweet, happy memories which will overwrite the unpleasant ones. He never knew what he did wrong back then. When Mukuro graduated university, they both agreed to stay together, and their relationship remained the same, although time with his lover became limited due to his work. But they were happy. It was normal.

After more than two months, Mukuro began acting distant. Thirty-minute calls in the night became three, five if he was lucky. Planned dates resulted in no Mukuro showing up and Tsuna going home alone, with only a short apology from his lover through text which eventually became a routine. But Tsuna forgave him. He always did, because Mukuro was Mukuro and, to him, every part of Mukuro equated to love.

Two weeks afterwards, he caught him, and he couldn't muster anything.

"Oya. Did you think you were the only one?"

Tsuna had ran away, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to face Mukuro anymore.

Yes! Yes, I thought I was the only one. You told me so before! Liar. I hate liars. I hate every single one of you.

-x-

"You look like..."

"Crap," finished Tsuna, resting his right cheek on the counter. Enma never listened to his pleas of leaving him alone.

"Right." Enma stared at him, grimacing at his friend's surly appearance. "Should I ask?"

"No," Tsuna sighed, "give me a moment first."

"All right. I'll go see if Luce-san needs help."

Tsuna snorted. "And have you drop another vase? Trip while carrying the flowers again?"

Enma flicked the brunet's forehead. "Point taken. What do you expect me to do while you're sulking?"

"Hibari-san knows Mukuro."

"Oh."

At his friend's unsurprised tone, Tsuna immediately sat straight up. "Wait, you knew?"

"Yesterday when you went to the washroom. Haru apparently knew they know each other and asked him. He said they were just acquaintances."

"Just acquaintances," repeated Tsuna scornfully. "Earlier he said they were childhood acquaintances."

"What's—Oh." Enma bit his lip. "So in Hibari language acquaintance means friend?"

"I don't know. I don't really care. He knew everything but pretended he didn't." Sighing, Tsuna rested his cheek on the counter once more. "I don't want to think about those two anymore."

"Is he coming tomorrow?"

Tsuna gritted his teeth. "He probably will. Just to be sure, will you...?" He looked at his friend with hope.

Enma softly smiled and ruffled his friend's hair. "Yes, I'll come tomorrow. Anything for Tsuna-kun."