Chapter 74) Unhealing Wound

Aiden POV


I couldn't breath. The Chantry sister was singing prayers. The Alienage was in mourning. I couldn't breath. Father was burning. Father had died, and he was now burning, and now I was alone. Yes, I had my cousins, but… but I would never, ever, be able to see my parents smile again. Hear their praise. Roll my eyes at how sickeningly sweet they could be.

I felt something in me breaking as my father burned. And now, I had no one to turn to for help putting everything back together.


It was… very strange. Lord Nuada and Mistress Layla were courting now. At least, I think that was the word. I had no other word for Lord Nuada taking Mistress Layla for walks through the garden, giving her flowers, or the two of them just sitting next to each other, leaning into each other as they read or discussed something. It was a common sight to see Mistress Layla giggling over something Lord Nuada whispered in her ear, blushing red as he kissed her hand, or to see Lord Nuada smiling softly with narrowed as, as if he was looking at the sun itself, and loving every bit of the light.

Not that Mistress Layla was here right now. Lord Nuada and I were in the library, supposedly discussing the Landsmeet. But we hit a lull, and I noticed Lord Nuada automatically leaned a little in his chair, as if expecting Mistress Layla to be there, and it just made me think about it, and how different it was from Morrigan and Cleon's relationship. I was certain those two were having sex right now, since both had been 'conveniently missing' earlier today. I was only half-certain Lord Nuada and Mistress Layla had even kissed.

"So, is that everything you needed to know about the Landsmeet?" Lord Nuada prompted. I grimaced a bit. I hadn't liked the idea of neutral, because of what happened last time, but I got why. He and Elspeth could not in the situation we had. Alistair couldn't. But if the rest of us were, we had an alternative route to forcing the duel. "I'm sorry I sprung this on you. I thought I said it already."

"It's fine. I understand," I reassured. Still, I sighed. "I'm just… I'm just going to hope that the Landsmeet will do what it's supposed to do with minimal 'in the spotlight' work on my end."

"Glad you acknowledged shadowy work, because there's no way we can't do that. We need evidence of Loghain's crimes for a Landsmeet to make the accusation of Oathkeeper hit all the harder."

"And nothing ever seems to get done until we're around." I couldn't help how dry my voice was, and Lord Nuada snickered. "But, regardless, yes, that is what I needed. Thank you for-"

"You're too formal."

…Well then. "Thank you, truly, for enlightening me on the complexities of the Landsmeet." I grinned when he shot me a dirty look. "Sorry, I had to."

"Yeah, yeah." Lord Nuada laughed, but soon grew serious. "If that's the case, then there is something Cleon asked me to bring up with you." Huh? "Feel free to tell me to sod off."

"What is it?"

"You and he had a conversation about relationships in the Roads." Oh. That. That. "He wanted me to see if you are ready to talk about what makes you so afraid."

"…" I sighed, closing my eyes as I leaned back in my chair. That… "I think… I have figured that out."

"Are you willing to talk?"

"…I think so." Without another sigh, I debated looking at him, but decided against it. This would be easier if I pretended I was just thinking aloud. "My father died six months after my mother did." I heard some sympathetic noise. "Mother died to some humans. I can't remember how or why now. Father, though… no one could figure it out. They ruled the death from 'a broken heart' or something."

"There are some healer mages doing research into something they're calling 'broken heart syndrome'. The initial paper I found was… fascinating and sobering."

It made me feel a bit better about the death, to know that it was being looked into as an actual thing and not just… just something said to be melodramatic. "In the weeks preceding my father's death, I could see him falling apart. It was like some piece of him, some part he had given Mother, had died with her, and he never got it back. Like he was less of himself." Now, I opened my eyes, and looked at Lord Nuada. He remained quiet, just listening. "It's like that poetic saying of 'giving someone your heart', but it never came back. And I… I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid of giving someone a piece of me, and never getting it back. Of losing that piece and wasting away." I shuddered as I remembered how Father had looked before he died. "An unhealing wound that just drains and bleeds until you're nothing but a skeleton with some skin attached." I smiled wryly, trying to joke it off. "Isn't that stupid?"

"…No." Lord Nuada smiled kindly at me. "Aiden, remember, my mother stayed behind when Highever fell. It wasn't just because she was the lady of the house. If anything, her duty should have demanded she live to take care of things until reinforcements arrive. She stayed because she loved Father." …Ah… "So, I think it makes sense."

"Any advice?"

"I suppose just weigh things. Do you love someone more than you are afraid of love itself?" He took out a book from the shelf, frowning over it. "And if the answer becomes 'yes', then you must decide if you have the courage or not."

"Are you afraid? Of loving Mistress Layla, I mean."

"I'm terrified. Historically speaking, those that love Couslands don't have an easy time of things, or have happily ever afters."

"There's no such thing as a happy ending, though. You can stop it at a happy point, but if you continue the story long enough, it's going to end in tragedy."

"Because everyone dies. Wardens, more so." Lord Nuada laughed. "So, give me an unconventional beginning, and a happy middle. Endings are always sad."

"Yes." I sighed, and sat up straight in my chair. "If you can forgive my changing the subject…"

"I think you need it." Lord Nuada smiled. "Ah, but it does remind me. I was wondering if you can talk to Alistair at some point before the Landsmeet."

"For?"

"You were thrown into the role of Commander, in you'll recall." I scowled at that memory. "You accepted it, and you're doing marvelously, and I am going to cackle when all of this is over and all the humans have to admit that an elf is a better leader than them." …Well now, I was flushing. And smirking. Because that was a fun thought. "Actually when you think about it, I'm the only one of the group most of society would deem a 'proper' hero."

"A city elf born in the slums, a dalish elf raised in the woods, a human mage of the Circle… and the properly born nobleman from an old as dirt family."

"Exactly." …We both burst into laughter. "Oh, the stories! The way the Chantry is going to try and change things to make things 'acceptable'."

"It's… darkly humorous." I couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous it was. "So many hypocrites are going to show themselves. Someone is going to 'forget' Cleon and I are elves."

"Or, worse, write it as if Cleon was a 'black sheep' among the Dalish who believed in the Maker over the 'heathen elven gods' or whatever nonsense." Now we were both just guffawing, bending over the table. "They'll call Mistress Layla's magic 'miracles'."

"They'll write out that she's a blood mage. They'll write out how many times we wanted to hit you over the head because you're so scarred up from your upbringing."

"We'll be crushing armies, and they'll ignore how much pain we went through." I was crying because I was laughing so damn hard. "And our companions! How they'll twist things there!"

We just dissolved into laughter, and it wasn't long before Wynne tentatively poked her head into the library to come check on us. Neither of us could stop laughing enough to explain, but we did end up apologizing a lot because she worried we had hit our heads really hard and started giving us lots of medicines to 'cure' the mad laughter.

But, at the same time, I couldn't… really regret laughing so much.


The day passed blissfully and peacefully, dragging on and on. I was running out of things to do. You couldn't train all day, not if you valued your body, I had no intentions of gorging myself on food and drink, the library only had a handful of books I could read… I was bored. I was horribly bored. Something must be wrong with me. I should be glad that I had the chance to just sit around and do nothing. I should be glad that I had the chance to just sit and relax with Cleon, Lord Nuada, and Mistress Layla, all four of us clustered in a cozy little room with the fire going on.

"Oh, Cleon, you and Wynne got a letter from a 'Dagna'," Mistress Layla murmured, sighing with one hand and pulling a letter from her pocket with the other to pass it to him. She immediately leaned back into Lord Nuada, shifting in her seat on the couch. "It is something about how she is safely within the Circle?" …That dwarf girl had been real? Well, damn, I really had thought that was something Wynne had made up. "I never thought I would see the day where a dwarf was enrolled, but it has apparently happened before." Cleon smiled softly, apparently very pleased. "She is studying lyrium and enchantments." That… was weird? Why would dwarves be interested in magic? They couldn't use it. "She has a few experimental ones that she plans on sending to us." …Wait, what? What? "We will need to find someone skilled at setting runes…"

"I know someone in Denerim," Lord Nuada answered. He shifted a bit so Mistress Layla was resting a little more comfortably against his shoulder, and flipped the page of his book. "Bodhan and his son, Sandal, are technically traveling merchants, but I have little doubts they're in Denerim now. The season is right for it, and with the roads dangerous…" True… "I also know an amazing smith too. His name is Wade. He's a bit of a perfectionist, and his partner, Herren, charges a lot, but… well, money isn't really an object for our little group." That… was actually true. It… really wasn't. …I never had to not worry about money before. "Elspeth and I can handle those sorts of things."

"Can we just make you 'leader' while we're in Denerim?" I asked dryly. Lord Nuada grinned and I sighed. "No, of course not. Whatever." I felt my fingers twitch, though. I was getting antsy. We hadn't stayed so still in so long. I honestly felt like we had been moving almost non-stop since… since I was conscripted in the Alienage. Sure, we had a day or so of rest, but… we were coming on a week. And there was still a lot of time before the Landsmeet.

'I. Am. So. Damn. Bored.' Cleon's signs were crisp and concise, hovering in the air as he sprawled on his back. 'There is nothing to do,' he continued, scowling at the ceiling. I was relieved I wasn't the only one who was feeling antsy. 'Well, actually, there is everything to do, but we can't do anything until some nobles move their asses.' Yeah… 'I feel like I am going to snap, like an over-strung bow.'

"…W-well, I might have something?" Mistress Layla squeaked. She picked up a book sitting by her and held it up. Lord Nuada shifted to sign for her. "It talks about a fortress called Soldier's Peak." I… vaguely knew it. "It used to belong to the Wardens." It did?

"It was built in the Glory Age, a few decades after the Second Blight," Lord Nuada rattled off. "Completed within a decade, I believe, thanks to Fereldan remembering the archdemon. It's been empty for two ages, thanks to the Wardens being banished because they broke the neutrality rule." There was an awkward little pause. "You know, if this plan goes really bad, we're going to get the Wardens expelled again." Ahaha… ha… "Anyway, mon coeur…" The signs Nuada used were 'my heart'. Something told me we were going to be learning a lot of terms of endearment in the various languages of Thedas. "Why do you bring it up?"

"I was thinking it might hold some information about the Archdemon." That… was true. We had seen the Archdemon. We were fighting the Blight. But damn if we knew anything about it. At least, anything that wasn't common knowledge. And Wardens kept secrets. "It would also… ah… give us something to do?" Very true.

"If we are going by that logic, schatz…" The sign was 'treasure'. Yeah, we were seriously going to be learning this. Whether we wanted to or not. "Then there is another place we should go for information."

"Where?"

"Ostagar." The entire room froze. It felt like even the fire had quieted. "We need to return to Ostagar, and see if there is any information on this Blight." That… was true. That was true.

"…You are both correct," I whispered, settling back in my armchair. I glanced at Cleon, curious what he thought, but he simply nodded. "So, we split up again?"

'Sure, but we are not deciding this time.' Cleon signed 'not' four times. 'We just cannot make it,' he continued, eyes hard. 'I… will not go to Ostagar.' And neither would I. For some of us, Ostagar… was an unhealing wound. And I wasn't in a hurry to prod the area and make it bleed.

"I made the suggestion, so I'll go," Lord Nuada answered. He was perfectly nonchalant. So perfectly that I knew he was hiding his own hesitancies. And why not? He had been in the Tower. He lost family there.

"I will go with you," Mistress Layla whispered. He gave her an incredulous look and she smiled sweetly at him. "You might find King Cailan's body, and I do not want you to hide." She took his hand, and I switched over to signing with an amused look. "Besides, I want to see how we got trapped at the top. I have an idea, but it would be nice to be certain." Ah, right… "So…"

"You are, as always, as kind as you are beautiful." Lord Nuada took her hand and kissed it with a small smile. Cleon and I exchanged an amused look, and Cleon playfully pretended to be drowning in the sweetness. "So, that's that. Let's let the others know and leave in the morning?"

"That is the best news I've heard in a while," I replied, doing my best to pretend Cleon and I hadn't been teasingly mocking them. Instead, I laughed at another thing. "When peace comes, we're going to be in a lot of trouble."

'We get peace?' Cleon's signs were so droll that the whole room burst in laughter. 'We will just find the next bit of trouble. And laugh at how stupid it is for facing us!' True. Very true.

We would never have 'peaceful' lives. But we would have happy ones until our deaths. And I was perfectly content in that.


Author's Notes: And here is why Aiden is oblivious to love. Also, welcome to the next 'arc' of Saga: the DLC. Broken-Heart Syndrome, or its more medical term of Stress/Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, is a very real thing that is being researched. (The terms of endearment Nuada says are me just looking some things up on google, and I do not claim I am even using this grammatically correctly.)

Next Chapter – Traveling with Lord Nuada