Chapter 83) Hearts
Nuada POV
I hid in the corner, hands over my ears. I had faced down assassins in the past, but they hadn't scared me like this. Father and Mother were arguing over something, something about me. I knew because I heard my name.
What was wrong? Did they hate each other? Is it my fault? It was, wasn't it?
"Nuada!" I whimpered at my name. Mother sounded so mad. "Nuada! Where are you?" Wait, no, she sounded distressed. "Nuada!"
"I'm over here," I mumbled. I wasn't sure if she heard me, but she did appear in the room pretty quickly after. "Hi?"
"Oh, Nuada, there you are." She smiled in relief and came over to hug me. "I was so worried. Let's go reassure your father. He's been panicking ever since Nan told us you had escaped your nap."
"…Do you hate him?"
"Hmm?"
"You were yelling." I felt her stiffen. "You both were yelling. Do you hate him now?"
"Oh, sweetie…" Mother pulled away, smiling softly. "Don't fret. I still love him very much, and him me. We just forgot to talk about things that were bothering us, and it all spilled out."
"I heard my name."
"Your father wants you to learn swords. I think you're too young." Oh. "Just a little thing that sparked an avalanche. It's not your fault, sweetie." Mmm… "Come on." She hugged me again, and picked me up easily. "Let's go find Bryce. He'll tell you the same."
"Okay…"
So, Aiden and Zevran were lovers now. I had to admit. I didn't think Aiden would take to anyone. But, hey, if he was happy, and willing to risk it, then all I should do as a friend is do my best to support him. This, of course, included copious amounts of teasing.
"Did you see his face?" I snickered. Some passing people gave me odd looks, but that was fine. I enjoyed laughing. "That was priceless!"
"I still can't believe we successfully managed to drop water on them," Alistair laughed. He and I had pulled a little prank, with the servants' permission, since Aiden and Zevran shared a room now. "I think Zevran was very appreciative, though." He waggled his eyebrows, and I burst into laughter. "More seriously, they were laughing before we left, right?"
"Yes, they were and I think we have to beware of a prank war in our group."
"Oh, Sten will stop it before long."
"I think Oghren is going to try and get him drunk."
"Maker save us!" Both of us laughed and laughed. I was glad. I knew Alistair had been self-conscious of all the people looking at him as we walked from Eamon's Estate to the Cousland estate. "So, here we are." Yes, we were. I smiled at the familiar sight. We stayed here often, especially during Landsmeets. "You sure your brother doesn't mind?"
"Alistair, we sent a message ahead, remember? It's fine."
"But…" He sighed when I gave him a look. "Sorry, I'm nervous."
"I know." That's why I was tagging along. "Shame that Oren and Eoin aren't here." They were with Elspeth. She was taking Oren to a 'playdate', and was going to talk to the nobles to try and get their support. I hoped it would work out for her. I knew she was scared.
"Yeah, that would distract me." He breathed in deeply, settling his nerves, and then we walked up to the door and knocked.
It opened almost immediately, revealing a smiling Fergus. "Great timing, you two!" he laughed, waving us in. "Just got the table set up." He quickly led us to the third floor balcony of the estate, which gave an absolutely beautiful view of the city, and gestured for us to sit at the table set up. "I hope you can forgive the whiskey. I didn't feel like wine today."
"You never feel like wine," I teased. Still, when I sat down, I noticed he had pulled out the good whiskey. Alistair must have made a nice impression last time. He wouldn't pull out this stuff for me. "So, I was surprised you're not busy."
"Unlike you busy bees?" Fergus grinned, waiting until Alistair sat down before drinking. "I'm going to a party tonight. I can't host any, due to being officially in mourning." He gestured towards his black clothing for emphasis. "But I can, and will, attend others as a guest of honor to argue for Alistair's claim."
"You're arguing for me?" Alistair asked, looking a little startled. He tried to hide it by drinking, but he drank to fast and started coughing instead. "Um…"
"Yes, I am," Fergus confirmed. He was having too much fun with this. "It makes Nuada and Elspeth look less like power-hungry puppeteers if I am the one arguing for you. So, those two are going to focus on ousting Loghain, and I'm going to be part of your cheering squad. It makes Eamon look a little better too, since he was the one who called the Landsmeet."
"But… why would you follow me?" Alistair visibly groped for words. "I mean…"
"It's simple. I was watching you at Highever. In you, Alistair, I see the traits that made Uncle Maric a good king, and, Maker bless him, I don't see the traits that made Cailan a poorer one." Fergus smiled wryly, sipping his drink. "I love him dearly, but I can admit that Cailan had his flaws. He was starting to grow out of them, and I know he could have been a good king, but he was poorer than Uncle Maric and knew it. It led to some bouts of… overcompensation. Like that time with the giants." All I knew about that story was that it involved cheese. Cailan always laughed too much, and Anora never wanted to talk about it.
"But aren't you childhood friends with Anora?"
"Yes, so I do not make this choice lightly." Fergus set his glass down, eyes serious. I contented myself with sipping my own whiskey, smiling as they talked. "But I had two uncles betray me. Regardless of what happened at Ostagar, that Loghain acknowledged Howe's 'claim' to Highever is a devastating betrayal. It is him stating that the slaughter of my wife, my parents, my knights, and my people were justified. It is him stating that the mismanagement of Highever's resources was proper. Howe would have destroyed Highever and everything we stand for, and Loghain's acknowledgement means that he spat on everything the Couslands have done for centuries. Whether or not the law decides if Loghain can be called Oathbreaker, Howe most definitely will be, and Loghain will suffer for it. You can't even justify it away with a 'oh, he didn't know' as everyone knows what happened at Highever."
"And you bring that up because Anora is her father's daughter, and that's the problem." Alistair's grip tightened on his glass. "She and her father think they're the only ones who can fix things, and everyone should stay out of their way."
"Exactly." Fergus sighed. "Pride is a good thing, but too much so is… not so much in a ruler. Now, granted, Anora is a very good queen, and having too little pride is just as bad. That much is clear. But she is not in nearly as much control of this situation as she thinks she is, and her inability to see that reminds me of her father more than anything." He leaned back in his chair, looking at the sky. "In his mind, Loghain believes he is a well-intentioned extremist, someone who is performing necessary evil to protect the country he loves and has served all his life. It is… difficult to reconcile the hero who freed the land from oppression with this… this despot whose tyranny generates and exacerbates injustice in the land."
"And Anora has used that same mentality?"
"Many times. It's masterful how she manipulates." Fergus smiled wryly. "But that does not change how Anora will use and betray people as necessary to fulfill her goals. That's another way she's like her father."
"Ostagar…" There was a definite growl in Alistair's voice.
Fergus actually laughed. "Not even just Cailan and the Wardens." Fergus turned his smile to us. "If all the accusations and rumors have a grain of truth to them, then he promised aid to Uldred and the rebel mages in the Tower, and then abandoned them to the Templars." I hadn't known that. We could use that. "He promised Isolde aid for her son, but sent an assassin instead. Said assassin was a former blood mage who he promised to fix things with the Circle for, but abandoned to his fate. He's even betrayed Anora, as you can see he's all but usurped her."
"So, all of this is why you're supporting me?"
"The way I see it, Alistair, so long as my darling little siblings, one of which is being almost unnaturally quiet…" He glanced at me, but I simply smiled. I wasn't here to talk. I was here as moral support until Alistair had the courage to stand on his own two feet for the rest of this talk. "Anyway, so long as they don't catastrophically mess up, Loghain loses, and no matter who rules, Fereldan will be fine. Fereldan will have a good ruler." Fergus shrugged. "But, since we have a choice, I like the idea of gambling on you. As I said, I see traits in you that would make you a good king, and I was impressed by how you led some of the squads during the retaking of Highever. While martial skill doesn't necessarily translate into ruling skill, what I saw makes me hopeful. I like being hopeful." Alistair's small, pleased smile reminded me of something. Alistair had likely never been praised much in his life. It was… it was entirely possible that this was the first time in his life that someone told him that he made them hopeful. The thought made me sad. Even at my worst points, I had my parents. I had my family. "I think you will be a good king for Fereldan, and I think you ruling will be best for Highever."
"…Thank you." Alistair's smile grew slightly. "Well, now I really have to hit the books. I won't live up to those lofty words if I let myself be led around the nose."
"Very true." Fergus's pleased smile told me he had been worried of Alistair being a puppet king. "Ah, this has been such a serious talk! I was planning on gossiping, and checking your alcohol tolerance."
"It's poor. I was a templar recruit, and I roomed with one of the proper ones, Cullen." …I wondered how Cullen was doing. Was he recovering? "But… ah…" Alistair hesitated, but then nodded. "If you don't mind, can I ask a bit about my brother and father? I only… ever saw them from afar."
"…Yeah, that might be good for both of us." Fergus's smile was soft. "He did know about you, by the way. Cailan, I mean. Never told me who you were, but said he had a half-brother who he wanted to get to know." Fergus laughed a little. "I remember… it was after some tournament the templars held in Uncle Duncan's honor. I wasn't there; I had to run some errands for Father. But I remember how he was so proud. He said something like 'my half-brother is a Warden! Is he not amazing? He was chosen to be a Warden!' and you would think someone had just given him the world."
"…Duncan recruited me at that tournament." Alistiar's smile became a little fragile. "I remember seeing him looking proud, but…"
Judging it was time for me to leave, I stood up quietly, finishing off my drink. Alistair glanced at me, and after a moment, he nodded. Yes, he was fine. He could handle the rest of this on his own.
So, I hugged Fergus, grinned at Alistair, and left the Cousland Estate. Time for me to get my work done.
So, I tried to get an audience with Anora, only to be told she was 'ill'. Well, if that wasn't a sign that things were wrong, I didn't know what was. She was likely in danger, probably because of Howe, and she was going to play the damsel in distress to try and win support, and probably not be as in control of the situation as she thinks, because I highly doubted she knew how psychotic Howe really was.
I had a headache.
"Well, I wasn't expecting to see you here." I looked up from my drink and smiled when I saw Alfstanna. "Wow, what happened to your face?" she asked with a little laugh. Her demeanor was flirtatious, but her eyes were serious. She wanted to talk, and she wanted to not be heard. This was exactly why I had cultivated a reputation as a flirt. "You're still as handsome as ever, of course."
"I'm pleased to hear the results of my fighting have not caused me to lose your favor!" I replied dramatically. I shifted over on the couch so she could sit next to me, and poured her some wine. "A toast to your continued grace and beauty, Alfstanna?"
"As always, you're silver-tongued." She accepted the toast though, and sipped it. "Oh, this is a good vintage. What is it?"
"Secret stash in the back. I ran a favor for certain interested parties while being bored, and got access to it."
"I know who I'm inviting to my next party." She laughed when I winked. "Ah, it's good to see you, rascal. I was worried." Personally, I was just glad to apparently have an old friend who wasn't going to try and backstab me. At least, I hoped. I was definitely going to keep a card up my sleeve. "So, what's your stance on the throne?"
"I'm one of the neutral Couslands in this situation. Fergus is the campaigning one."
"Which tells me something right then and there." She smiled slowly. "But tell me about Alistair. I know Anora."
"We're friends. It would not be an over exaggeration to call him my best friend, actually."
"Oh, my. Someone Nuada Cousland is willing to trust." Alfstanna laughed when I made a face. "Something tells me, though, that I'm not getting anything concrete from you."
"Of course not. You have to form your own opinions. Though, I'm not sure if we're letting Alistair run about without guards." I sighed, remembering this morning. "We've been here only a handful of days, and I think we've dealt with so many assassins, you'd think we were Antiva."
"Well, that answers my second question of whether Alistair really is King Maric's son."
"If not, Alfstanna, it's one hell of a coincidence. The family resemblance is uncanny." Noticing some people glancing over at us, I leaned in to whisper in her ear. "So, since I am shutting down that topic, was there something else you wanted to ask about?"
"Yes." Alfstanna giggled, as if I had whispered a joke. "Have you heard anything about my brother?"
"Irminric?" Well, I wasn't expecting that. "No, I haven't. Why?"
"He's missing." How did he go missing? Did something get lost while the templars were busy with the mess at the Circle? "The templars say he died fighting a maleficarum, but until there's a body, then I will not believe it." Her grip tightened on her glass. "I refuse to."
"I'll do what I can to try and track him." I knew what it was like to have a brother missing. I could only hope it would end as happily.
"Thank you." Her smile was warm and soft, but soon her eyes grew serious. "Nuada, your group is combating the Blight, yes? That's why we're having this Landsmeet?"
"We have an army, but if we're to stand a chance, we must simply have more soldiers to fight the darkspawn while us Wardens focus on the Archdemon." Should I…? Oh, to the Void with secrets, this was damn important. "I'm not sure on how it works, but Wardens are literally the only ones who can destroy it."
"Really? I hadn't known that." Yeah, I hadn't either. "So, unintentional or not, in trying to save us from 'Orlais', Loghain really did doom Fereldan." She sighed, shaking her head. She made sure to giggle, though, as if I was paid her some outrageous compliment. "Regardless, Elspeth will be the one debating, yes?"
"Yeah."
"I'm intrigued. I've never seen her speak in such a public venue before." That was because she had been absolutely terrified, both shy and anxious in social situations. She still was, and her thoughts were filled with all sorts of what-ifs. She worked with Leliana and Wynne every day to try and work through that fear. "Please, let her know that I am a friend, and will do all I can to support her." Alfstanna… "And tell her to talk to Arl Wulff. He lost his arling, and his sons, to the Blight." Maker…
"How are his grandchildren?"
"Safe, thank the Maker." Well, that was a damn miracle right then and there. "I think it will be easy to win his support."
"I'll let her know." I raised my glass to her. "Now, let us talk of outrageous gossip. You shan't get more out of me today. The rest is Elspeth's fight."
"I look forward to seeing her do battle with words." She clinked her glass with mine, and laughed. "So, Hahren has been causing trouble again."
"Oh, Maker, of course she has, the spoiled brat." This was going to be a fun story. I could already tell. "Give me the details. I simply must hear this."
After talking to Alfstanna, I decided to check in with the Blackstone Irregulars, some mercenaries based out of Fereldan who often stayed at the Gnawed Noble Tavern. I got a few ideas of favors to do them, and knew that in exchange, I could probably get their swords for a fraction of the normal price. That would be really helpful.
When I returned to Eamon's Estate in the evening, though, I figured out something was wrong. Cleon was at the door, clearly waiting for me, and he didn't look very happy.
'I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, by the way,' he immediately signed. I quickly tried to think of what I did, and came up blank. 'But I feel it is best to confront you to get the full story.'
"Okay…?" I replied slowly, making sure my sign was slow to help him understand I was really confused. "What did I do?"
'Layla was teary and mumbled something about you flirting with a pretty girl at some tavern.' What was…? Oh.
I groaned, facepalming. Damn it. I fell into old habits and… "I wasn't, but I did use my reputation as a flirt to talk to an ally without anyone suspecting what we were talking about." Maker, damn it. The last thing I would ever want to do was hurt Layla. "That's why I cultivated that reputation." Excuses. That was just an excuse. "Where is she? I really don't want this to fester."
'Exactly why I wanted to confront you. I thought it might have a stupidly simple answer.' Cleon's smile was warm, and I felt… relieved and elated that he really had trusted me. I knew that if the choice came between Layla and me, Cleon would pick Layla every time without exception, but I was just… I was just so glad to have friends. 'She is in your room. Careful. Morrigan was talking to her.'
"Well, if I start screaming in pain, you know what happened." I smiled when Cleon flashed a grin, a silent laugh. "Are we all still meeting before dinner to discuss information?"
'Yes, but if it takes you two longer to talk things out, take the time.' Cleon's grin widened. 'I will amuse myself with watching Aiden and Zevran fumble about.' It really was adorable.
"Then I will see you later, and hopefully in one piece."
'Luck!' He waved me goodbye and I all but ran down the hall, heading to my room.
Layla was alone there, sitting on the bed and giving me a little glower as I walked inside. The silence was suffocating, and telling. I was in so much trouble.
"I'm sorry," I told her instantly. I shut the door behind me and sat on the bed next to her. "I promise, though, that I wasn't flirting with Alfstanna. I know that's what it looked like." There was no reaction. "I cultivated a reputation as a flirt to hide, but I swear, if it hurts you, I will never do anything like that again." There was still no reaction. "So… ah…" Oh, what do I do? She was just sitting there, continuing to be angry, rightfully so, and I just wanted her to smile again. But how do I-? "WAH!" It took me a couple of seconds to process what all happened. One, I went from sitting to lying on the bed. Two, the reason this happened was because Layla suddenly just moved and knocked me down, hovering over me. "Layla, what… ngh…" Three, Layla was kissing my throat, sucking and biting.
Okay, note to self. A dominant Layla was really, really attractive and holy flames, my mind was in the gutter right now.
"Mine," she murmured against my skin as she pulled back slightly. "You are mine, right?" Well, yes, but it was kind of hard to think right now? I never expected she would… I was going to blame Morrigan for this because I bet she put the idea into Layla's head. …Maybe that should be 'thank' instead of 'blame'. "I am also yours, yes?" Yes, I was lucky that was the case. "I am the only one you kiss." She was also the only one I was going to let put me in a submissive position like this. "Yes?" She leaned up, looking down on me. Her hair fell over her shoulder, like a curtain shutting out the world. "Nuada?"
"I'm sorry; I was distracted by how beautiful you are," I whispered. She rolled her eyes, but I shook my head, reaching up to cup her cheek. "I sincerely mean it. I am very thoroughly distracted. May I kiss you?"
"Later. I wish to talk right now." Okay. "So, all of the statements I said were true, yes?"
"Yes, they are."
"Good." She sighed, drooping a little. I shifted my hands to rest on her waist, supporting her. "I know these things. I also remembered how, in Ostagar, you used flirtation to hide talking about serious things. So, when I sat and thought about it, I did realize that's probably what I saw." She remembered that, then… "But, she was really pretty, and I heard some of the patrons talking about what a lovely looking couple you two would make."
"Alfstanna and I have been friends for a long time, but neither of us ever really felt attracted to each other." I smiled at her. "Besides, while she is very pretty, you are very gorgeous."
"I am covered in freckles, and I have discovered some scars, and you really have only seen me covered in sweat, dirt, and mud."
"You are never more beautiful than when you fight for what you believe in, Layla." My smile turned teasing. "I'm Fereldan, and my mother was a raider. Is it so hard to believe that I am attracted to someone who can not only hold their own, but hand me my ass on a silver platter?"
"Nuada!" She finally laughed, smiling softly. Thank the Maker… "Please, let me continue being serious." I nodded, waiting for her to continue. "Now then." She sighed, shaking her head. Her hair tickled my cheek. "I… want to be more confident." Hmm? "I want to feel more secure. So that when you do something like that, and I want you to if it makes things easier for us, I will not feel as icky. I am certain I always will, of course, but…"
"Layla."
"Hush." All right. "But I wish to be someone who can stand at your side, and know that my place there is secure."
"Is there anything I can do?" I hated seeing her so sad.
"Yes. Please, continue to love me, even though I do and think silly things."
"Well, that's the easiest favor I think I ever had to grant." I smiled when she laughed again. "May I kiss you now?" Her answer was to dip her head and kiss me, softly and gently, if a little clumsily. But I loved how she kissed me. She kissed me as if I was somehow fragile, because she had seen into my heart and saw how it was made of cracked and shattered glass.
…Listen to my thoughts. I had it bad for her.
She pulled away, smiling slightly, and I loved how she looked after we kissed. She always looked both shy and confident, a little dazed but certain. It fascinated me, because I was always just a little afraid this was just a pleasant dream, that perhaps I was still trapped in the Fade and the Sloth demon had given me a happiness I could never have in reality. But she was certain. This was truth to her, a fact, and I loved how grounded she was.
I kissed her again, cupping her face. She squeaked when I nipped her bottom lip, whimpered when I pulled away briefly. Her hands tangled in my hair, and she pushed into me, adding a little force to the next kiss. I shifted one of my hands to trace random patterns along her back, up and down her spine. She shivered and gasped, and I took the opportunity to kiss her jaw, and gently bite her ear.
"Nuada…" she moaned. The sound made my heart race, and my hands slid to her hips. "I…"
"Do I need to stop?" I asked. My voice was raspy and thick. I really did… "Do you want me to stop?"
"I…" As she struggled for words, I held perfectly still. As the silence stretched, I brought my hands back to her waist. "No, move them back." She shifted to look directly at me, eyes slightly unfocused. "Nuada…"
"If you want to stop…"
"I know I only have to say something." She leaned forward, breath ghosting over my mouth. "But this… feels so nice… please…"
Oh, Maker, this woman was going to be the death of me. "You're certain?"
"Yes." Her fingers traced over my ear, absently, and seriously, Layla, you were going to kill me. "Are you?" Hmm? "Do you want to… with me? I know I am…"
"I have never wanted anyone more." I shifted to close the gap, kissing her desperately, greedily, deeply. She responded in kind, following my lead, and I felt her smirk when her hands slipped under my shirt, and sparked a groan out of me. All of my thoughts focused on her. They focused on her voice, her touch, her pleasure…
The world could wait for a few hours.
Author's note: So… ah… here, have heart to heart talks, and Alfstanna who is awesome and… uh… well, anyway, Blackstone irregulars and 'favors for certain interested parties' are part of sidequests available in the game that I have kind of been ignoring, but they work here for the Landsmeet.
Next Chapter – Cleon in Denerim
