Chapter 10
(Levi POV)
Tch. I hate these damn meetings. Nothing but drabble over military strategy and Hanji's persistence for titan experiments. Once more she is in Erwin's face, rambling about all her preposterous theories. I've had enough of this. It's clear I'm not needed on this subject. I stand from my seat, audibly sharing my annoyance, and turn to leave them to their babbling.
"Not quite yet, Levi," Erwin stops me from my much needed escape. I roll my eyes and turn back to face him, glaring at Hanji, who still can't seem to shut up.
"Yes, Commander?"
"The Choosing Ceremony was last week as you know. Like always we got few recruits, but what's surprising is of those recruits who we got."
"Eh? And what of it with me?" I nag, sitting once again, crossing one leg over the other, folding my arms.
Hanji finally pipes in, "Ho ho! You are our newest corporal and you are going to choose from our newest lot which are to be in your squad. Of course, you already have Eld and Gunther following you dutifully. They've pledged to you as their squad leader, so that leaves a few more to add."
"That is correct. I've already chosen and so has Hanji. The new cadets' files are on your desk in your quarters, well those that have not been chosen yet. I expect you to choose those most suited for your special operations squad. The cadets arrive tonight. Selections will be made known at dinner in the mess hall," Erwin finally looks to me for confirmation. I nod and leave for my quarters.
We are stationed at an abandoned castle estate close to the wall. Seeing as we are the Survey Corp, easy access to the outside is a must. It is also so we are away from the prying eyes of the monarchy and their constant attempts to undermine us. We change bases every six months or so, depending on our expeditions' needs. Although, this castle is our main station for now. Of course we have our soldiers scattered in encampments throughout the kingdom, to gather intel, but most of our soldiers are currently stationed here.
I open my office door and walk towards my desk. A window lies behind it, casting a ray of sunshine across my paperwork. I can see the dust particles dance in the sunshine. Disgusting. This room is getting a thorough scrub down. With a huff, I sit in my green velvet chair and scooch closer to my desk. There, just like Erwin said, are cadet files. Ten to be exact.
"Hmmm… so this is that is left to choose from. If, Erwin chose three, as well as Hanji, then that means we only managed to recruit sixteen this time around," I say aloud to myself. I rest my head on my palm and skim through the files, paying attention to their scores in teamwork, decision skills, 3D maneuver, and kill accuracy. These are all crucial to my squadron. I need my soldiers to be able to swiftly, accurately, and calmly make decisions, take orders, face loss, and kill in a state of emergency, or if disaster arises when outside the walls. But, most of all, they need to value life. I don't need anyone carelessly throwing their life around. To value life is to preserve life.
I shudder, the feeling of dread rolling up my spine as I remember the countless deaths that my own conscious bares. Especially the deaths of those I considered my only friends, Farlan and Isabel… Isabel, hmmm, that reminds me.
I quickly look over the files again, looking for a certain name to pop into view, only it doesn't. I feel a pinch in my stomach and dull ache. What is this? She was so adamant about joining the Survey Corp. The fire in her eyes only blazed brighter when the subject came up. She devoted herself to that one goal. So why do I not see her here, among the other files? I look through the files again, shaking the idea of her out of my head, but the uncomfortable feeling in my gut won't go away.
A few soldiers catch my eye, consisting of Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, and Shepherd Harland. Hmmm… Harland was the young man that Inari sparred against during our visit. He also stuck to her side like a leech. So why is he here and not she? Questions roll around in my head.
"Honestly, this is all so vexing," I sigh and lean back in my chair. I rest my head back and let the sunshine dance over my eyelids. Suddenly, a sneeze racks my body. "Damn dust."
I look over Shepherd Harland's files again. As my eyes skim over his stats and scores, my eyes flicker over his head shot. Something about him irks me. I feel as though a snake is slithering up my spine. Ugh, nope not choosing him, but he meets all my qualifications.
"Vexing indeed. I need to see Erwin about this," I say standing up, files in hand, and head to Erwin's office.
I arrive at his closed door and knock sharply. I hear footsteps before the door is opened.
"Commander, I'd like your input on potential squad members," I say with professionalism. I respect him greatly, so he is due the upmost respect and mannerisms.
"Indeed. I figured you would stop by," he replies, opening the door more for me to enter. He returns to his desk and I choose to sit in the chair across from him. I lay the files on his desk.
"I have chosen two for sure, but my third option, is well, not quite what I hoped."
"Ah, yes that third option is quite talented, so why the trouble?" he inquires, glancing over the three files I'd brought, pausing slightly on Shepherd Harland's file.
"Just an uneasy feeling. I fear that he and I will clash and that is not good for my squad. No other remaining cadets are cut out for my squad's demands. There was one hopeful, yet their file failed to present itself. Although, I'm sure you know of whom I speak," I look him the eye, trying to read him.
"I do have knowledge of this cadet, yet I had chosen them as part of my squadron. They have such great potential and could easily succeed greatly in your squad, yet I thought it best to keep her away from you and," he pauses, hardening his stare, "your shrouded past, so to speak."
"That is indeed the past, but I do not let it interfere with my duties," I say harshly. "She will still be curious of her sister's whereabouts, no matter how difficult you make it for her to seek answers." I pause, letting him think of the matter. "I think it better that she learns sooner than later. That way she can grieve then get back to work."
Erwin stays suspiciously silent.
"There must be more to it that I am unaware of, then?" I ask.
He leans back in his chair, crosses his legs, and looks at me closely. What is it that has him hesitant to trust me?
Another long moment passes before he finally sighs and responds. "I know exactly how you reacted to the loss, and seeing that she is on par with your skills, I just hope she doesn't take it as hard as you did, seeing that Isabel was family. Imagine if what you dreamed of for so long, strived for, for years, and sacrificed so much for was but a dismal illusion ghosting through your fingertips?"
"You may not think I've been through such a thing, but the moment I pledged to you, for real, not half-assed like I did when I came to the surface, I gave up on quite a dream that had been denied to me from my birth, in order to solely live and die for the military. And I believe I handled that quite well," I confess.
"Hmm, I have only an inkling of what such dream you had, and many soldiers make the same sacrifice, yet for you to let go of such a thing is indeed commendable. Fine, I will let you have your desired third option, but as soon as her mind slips south, it is your responsibility to stop it, whatever means necessary. I don't need another raging vengeful soldier drowning in bloodlust on the loose." Erwin's aura of intimidation intensifies, sapping all warmth from the room.
I salute him and agree to his condition. He hands over her file and returns my other two prospects' files, leaving Harland's on his desk. By now, the sun has set, only making the decision feel all the more risky.
I return to my quarters, placing Petra's and Oluo's files on my desk. I walk into the bedroom attached to my office and sit on the edge of my bed. I inhale deeply and let the long exhale sooth my tension. I open her file and read it carefully, taking in all the information. When I'm done, I then realize why Erwin was so concerned about her stability. I reread her records and nearly choked. Her past was drenched in thick, crimson blood… and most of it wasn't hers.
And with that, I retire for the night, hoping to dream of anything but my memories.
