Chapter 93) Pause

Layla POV


"Layla, over here!" Anders laughed, waving me over to the group. "We're taking a break from lessons, so stop reading!" When I did not do so, he rolled his eyes and came over, to pick me up.

"Anders!" I yelped, struggling. It did not matter much, though. Anders was much taller, and stronger, than me. "I need to study!"

"You need to pause your brain and relax~" He plopped me down on a cushion, and sat behind me, carefully brushing and braiding my hair. "Haha, now I get to steal Neria's job!"

"I am not defending you!"


"Elspeth, easy, you're going to be fine," Leliana reassured. What had started as simply Elspeth going through her arguments for the Landsmeet had turned into Elspeth outright panicking, and Leliana doing her best to calm her down. When it did not work, she dragged Wynne, myself, and Shale into helping. Though I was curious as to what to do? "Oh dear…"

"Elspeth, remember to breath," Wynne encouraged. Wynne was a little better at this, but I think it just had to do with experience. "You will not be alone. There is nothing to be afraid of." Elspeth's response was to give her the drollest look I had ever seen, more apparent because she was normally so stoic.

"If they truly bother you, it can just crush their skulls and watch the blood fountain up." Shale! "That is appropriately girly enough for this country, yes?" Shale continued with a shrug, stone creaking with the motion. "Or we can tell them to settle it with arm-wrestling."

"Who would be our champion?"

"Me, of course." That got Elspeth breathlessly laughing, and, slowly, she seemed to calm dawn. "Well, what do you know? I helped."

"Yes, you did." Wynne carefully stroked Elspeth's hair as Elspeth slumped, looking frustrated. "What triggered the panic attack?"

"I was having her imagine standing in the room," Leliana answered. She sighed, shoulders drooping with guilt. "I thought it would help her get in the mindset." It seemed, instead, to get her to nearly hyperventilate and faint. "Maybe I should have had her pretend it was the Orlesian court?"

"Have mercy," Elspeth whispered. She looked distinctly pale, so I passed her some water I had on hand. "Thank you." She sipped it slowly, looking as if she might be ill at any moment. "Oh, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can. You did wonderfully at the ball last night." Leliana smiled. "We could have Zevran whisper Antivan jokes in your ear again, though."

"That might make them think I am mad!" Still, Elspeth managed a smile. "Listen to me complain; Layla has had it far worse."

"Many would argue that I have had it 'easy'," I pointed out. I made sure to pout, just to emphasize my words. "After all, when it comes down to it, I just went from 'sheltered' to 'not-sheltered'. I have few scars, I still retain all the senses I was born with, and I have no crippling traumas." I just broke and remade myself, the same as everyone else. "Besides, you couldn't pay me to speak in front of these people. I'm quite content in being the neutral Warden." It had been some time since I could be. In fact, had I ever? "Besides, isn't this the first time you've really spoken publically?" Elspeth's whimper was all the answer I needed. "I think we need lots of jokes and gossips."

"So, we shove Oghren there first and get it to challenge everyone to a drinking contest," Shale deadpanned. The whole room burst into laughter, unable to help it. "Then, even when he loses, everyone will be too drunk to listen. It wins."

Leliana retorted with something outrageous, but I shifted back out of the conversation, mostly because I felt… it was not for me? I had no idea how to help Elspeth with this, and more importantly, I had to prepare myself. After the Landsmeet, we really would have our work cut out for us.

My hand fell on something, and I peered at it curiously. It was a calender, one of those that flipped so that you could easily keep track of how much time had passed. Curious, I found the day marked 'today', or rather, the day before the one marked 'Landsmeet', and counted back until the date of my Harrowing. But when I found it, I had to count again. Then, I counted one more time, unable to believe it.

"…One hundred days…" Everyone paused and looked at me, but I could only stare at the calendar, counting yet again. "It has been… one hundred days…" I whispered. It had been one hundred days since my Harrowing. It had only been that long. It had only been a little over three months since my Harrowing. So much had happened. So much was still going to happen. But it had all been just one hundred days? "My pardon, I need to get some air." I stood up abruptly and left, feeling my hands shake.

It was no wonder Loghain had not expected us to be different. How did one go through so many lifetimes in so short of a time?


"If it's only been one hundred days for you, Mistress Layla, then it's been even less for us." Aiden's words were soft, and almost hesitant. He, Nuada, Cleon, and I were in a side room, leaning over a map. "How little, though?" he murmured, frowning slightly. "Anyone have ideas?"

"Assuming Uncle Duncan took a fairly direct route," Nuada mused, tracing a path from the Tower to the Brecilian Forest. "I would guess… hmm… I would guess three or four days of travel here." He glanced at me, but I shrugged. It was hard to remember. I had been so focused on how much I hated the world outside the Tower.

'Plus one day of staying the night,' Cleon signed. That was right. Commander Duncan and I found him, and stayed the night. At the time, I had just been glad to be traveling with someone else. 'So, for me, it has been ninety-five, ninety-six days.'

"You all went to Denerim from there, yes?" Nuada traced out another path. "Do you remember how long?"

'Four days, and Aiden left with us the day we arrived.'

"So, for me, it has been ninety-one, ninety-two days," Aiden whispered. He took over tracing, from Denerim to Highever. "This was two or three days. Highever fell the same night."

"So, for me, it has been eighty-eight, eighty-nine, or ninety days," Nuada whispered. His hand shook slightly as he looked over the map, tracing the path from Highever to Ostagar. "Yes, that makes sense. I found the date for Ostagar recently. It has been, approximately, eighty days since then." He tapped the spot marked 'Lothering' on the map. "Based on rumors, we can confirm that it's been about seventy-two days since we were in Lothering, where we took up the task." This all just felt surreal. "Anyone else feel like they're too old?" Aiden, Cleon, and I immediately nodded. "Oh, good, it isn't just me."

"Um… my lords, my lady?" A servant knocked on the door and poked their head in. "We… have a visitor?" they said. All four of us glanced at each other in confusion, Cleon even silently asking if we had translated the words correctly. "An armed visitor." I would say 'assassin', but that would be… well, Zevran did it. "Ser Cauthrien." That was…

"Loghain's right hand," Aiden murmured. He sighed, closing his eyes. "Understood. We'll deal with it." The servant nodded and bolted, glad to give the burden to someone else. "What is she even doing here?"

"She's probably here to challenge Alistair and kill or cripple him so that he can't show up tomorrow," Nuada answered easily. He seemed completely relaxed as he straightened with a stretch. "I'll let him know, and then go take a nap." …Pardon?

"Lord Nuada?"

"I have complete faith in Alistair to think of something and, honestly, if he's to be king, we can't solve everything." Nuada shrugged. "So, I'm going to nap. You can watch if you're curious." He walked away. He actually walked away. I glowered at his back, annoyed. Oh, we were going to have words about his later!

'I suppose we had better go get somewhere with a good view?' Cleon signed. I gave him an incredulous look. 'Look, if things get bad, we can go kill her and then yell at Nuada for being an idiot.' I wanted to do that now. 'But, let's see what happens. Everyone else has little projects and plans we can't help with.'

Sighing, and reluctantly admitting defeat, I stood up without a word, and headed for one of the balconies overlooking the courtyard. Cleon and Aiden followed, also quiet, and the three of us just clustered on the railing, looking down at the agitated, and very armed, woman standing there, glaring at everything. This was so bizarre. Why were we dealing with this? Could we not just…?

…When did I become so bloody-minded? When did I get so used to violence that it was not only 'a solution', but the first one I thought of? …I needed time away from fighting.

The front door opening dragged me out of my thoughts, and Alistair, looking like he thought someone was insane, stepped out and walked down the steps. "Um… hi, there?" he called. For some reason, he had two wooden polearms in hand. "Ser Cauthrien, right?" Ser Cauthrien made to retort, but he just tossed the polearm towards her. "Here, we can spar with these. That's why you're here, right? To fight and hopefully kill the threat to your lord?" He shrugged as she stared. "But, see, I don't want to die? I've kind of gone through too much. And even if I hate Loghain, I don't really hate you, so I don't see a point to fighting?"

"If… if you were even remotely worthy of being called Maric's son, you would've been in the Landsmeet from the start!" Ser Cauthrien snapped. It took me a second to translate the words for Cleon, because they had hurt me. Alistair, though, showed no reaction. "You and yours have torn Fereldan apart against the very man who ensured you could be born into freedom!" In fact, he remained completely silent, and just… let her ramble. "If you're gone, if you never existed, then this could have been put to rest long ago!"

"Is that so?"

"Everyone was supposed to rally to Loghain to combat the threat! Without having to turn to Orlais for help!" She shook her head. "He never wanted Civil War, but with you lot harrying him on every side…!" Her voice cracked. "You all forced him…"

"Do you feel better?" Alistair still remained so calm, even as she shook her head again, this time more violently. "Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have been born. I'm sure a lot of people would have had it easier." Alistair… "But, hey, I am here, and what do you know? I've got some people who like me, and think I can be better than I am. Not sure if they're right, even now, but I'd like to prove them right. Because they're awesome people." He shrugged. "You can, of course, go back to insulting me. But, I assure you, Morrigan has said much worse." A bit of movement caught my attention, and I realized the others were on the other balcony, watching. The movement had been Morrigan biting back a bit of laughter. "So, yeah." He twirled the polearm once and settled into a stance. "Let's spar a bit, Ser Cauthrien. You can bleed off some of that frustration, and I can get some practice with this."

"You can't just-!"

"I refuse to die, and I do not agree with you. Nothing you can say or do will change my mind. Loghain's action, for whatever reason, killed the only family that welcomed me, loved me, and his continued actions threatens the family and friends that I have gathered since. He made his choices, and I disagree." Alistair still remained so calm, for some reason. I saw Sten nod approving across the way, and caught Oghren nudging Wynne, like he was laughing at an old joke. "I'm trying to be an adult over this, though. As much as a twenty-year-old can be an adult. I'm not convinced people my age should be considered that." When you thought about it, it really was too young for all of this. We were still far too young for all of this. "But even if you did kill me, I know Elspeth and Nuada will defeat Loghain. His fall is certain, because my friends are awesome." He smiled. "But, hey, you can still get your fight. Maybe I'll surprise you."

Her only response was to lunge, noticeably throwing away her actual weapon to use the polearm. Alistair parried and retaliated, and the two just… sparred in the courtyard.

The others, across the way, left soon afterwards, apparently content that things would not turn into a fight to the death. Aiden and Cleon watched for a while before leaving to tend to other things. I remained, mostly just to keep an eye on injuries, and the gauge exhaustion.

The Landsmeet was tomorrow. It would not be good if we were too tired to stand.


Author's Notes: The amount of time is a lot of assumptions, based on some in-game dialogue, the known timeline, and some guesstimating of distances based on maps (as well as adjusting differences between travel by foot and travel by horse). As well as assuming that the Wardens would be moving at the 'fastest possible pace' due to the very real threat looming over them. When I added it all up, it ended up that it was 'one hundred days', at this point in the story, since the start of all of this, Layla's Harrowing. It really puts a lot of things in perspective when you realize it's not even been four months.

In Game, Cauthrien bars your way to the Landsmeet, and the Warden either convinces her to stand aside or kills her. I like, however, Alistair dealing with her, rather than the Warden. Alistair using a polearm is based, a bit, on some party banter Oghren has with Wynne, which is why he's nudging her in the scene. Sten approves, for once, because Alistair is not running from his 'role'.

Next Chapter – Landsmeet part one, with Aiden