Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man.
Chapter 17
Miranda was more awkward around Marie than usual. It started after the evening where they had fallen asleep in the library; just the next morning she was avoiding Marie and acting far more cautious of being physically affectionate than normal. She couldn't believe she had let herself be improper enough as to fall asleep with him. It wasn't something she should have let herself do, and she knew it. She felt bad about doing so, and for her it only seemed normal to avoid him all throughout the next morning. She had, after all, promised to help clean the science department. It gave the klutzy woman a good excuse to avoid the gentle giant that was Marie.
Marie wondered if Miranda was upset with him for some reason. Normally she ate breakfast with him, but he could hear her leaving the cafeteria just as he walked in. He didn't think too much of it, though. He remembered she had said something about helping clean; he just assumed she was trying to get an early start.
They didn't run into each other for a good majority of the day. Miranda carried boxes between the science department and some of the storage rooms and had done a rather good job of clearing up the large rooms that made up the science offices by mid afternoon. She was just leaving from putting up the last box, looking forward to going to shower, when her sleeve caught on the shelf and pulled it down on top of her.
The shelf trapped her in a flurry of fallen manuals, boxes, and glass objects. It landed with most of its weight centered on her legs and just above her shoulders. Broken glass was everywhere, and she couldn't tell if she'd accidentally reopened the still healing wound on her stomach. After she had wormed a hand under her stomach and found that she wasn't bleeding, she let out a small sigh. It would probably be a few hours before anyone from the science department would think something was wrong, and she wasn't looking forward to laying there for those few hours. After she had caught her breath a bit, she gave a pathetic and undoubtedly quiet cry for help. It was hard to speak in a normal tone with the shelf on her back, shouting was all but impossible. The thought had never occurred to her, that there was someone in the Order who had good enough hearing to distinguish such a small cry. And it was the very person she felt she had to avoid.
Marie had ended up finding a rather empty hall of the Order where he could try and remember some of the old songs he played on Noel Organon. He had meant to start practicing more, again, but hadn't gotten around to it. He had just begun picking out a small tune on the strings when he thought he heard Miranda's voice from a few hallways away. He stopped playing and listened.
Sure enough, he heard Miranda's voice, crying for help, from around the area where the storage rooms were. He was glad for his hearing; anyone else probably wouldn't have heard her. Rising to his feet, long legs carrying him fast, he arrived at the storage room he could hear her in. From the sound of her breathing he could conclude that there was something making it hard for her to breathe. Walking into the room, he walked over to where she was. It didn't take long for him to figure out that a shelf had fallen on her.
His entrance into the room had been met with an exclamation of, "Marie! I'm so glad you found me. Please, I'm stuck under a shelf. Can you help me? Oh, and be careful, there's broken glass on the floor..."
"Yes, just a moment. So, that was the crashing sound I heard?" Marie felt around for the edge of the shelf before he lifted it up and off of Miranda. She drew in a grateful breath. After the shelf was set up properly, Marie offered her a hand up. He felt her small, gloved hand take his and didn't hesitate to help lift her to her feet.
"Thank you, very much. I was afraid I would be stuck there for a few hours," she said softly. Her lungs were still aching from the weight and the disability to breathe clearly. Her shoulders and the backs of her calves hurt where the shelf's weight had been distributed. Being up on her feet again was also nice, "I was afraid I would be here until someone else realized I was gone."
"It's not a problem at all. You're not harmed, are you?" he seemed concerned for the clumsy exorcist. She was still recovering, though she had been better for awhile, from the nasty injury to her belly.
"No, I think I'll just have a few bruises. Luckily, I managed not to cut myself on any of the glass. I'm sorry I had to bother you, I ought to set to work cleaning this glass up, now. I'm sorry for falling asleep on you, last night, as well," she quickly apologized before she walked off to get a broom.
Marie could hear her heart racing as she apologized and walked off. He wondered if she thought she had done something wrong. Maybe she was trying to avoid him. The thought had crossed his mind earlier in the morning and it had left him thinking for a few moments, but he had quickly dismissed it. Miranda wasn't the type of person who would avoid someone like that, unless she felt they were mad at her. "Miranda, you don't think I'm mad at you for falling asleep on my yesterday, do you?"
"Well... Yes, I do. You should be mad, at least I think you should be," had he been able to see her, he would have seen that she had slumped her shoulders and hung her head slightly. "It was improper of me to fall asleep in such a way."
"Miranda, falling asleep like that was an innocent mistake. It's not a problem, in fact, it was nice to be able to sleep close to someone. Especially after a mission," he was smiling calmly at her. "It was nothing to worry about. Were you avoiding me because of that, all morning?"
"Uh, yes, I was," Miranda answered hesitantly. She fidgeted, playing with the edges of her gloves as she stood there. She'd yet to get the broom, otherwise she probably would have been spinning it around. She always got restless when she was nervous.
"You really don't have to worry about it. I'm not upset with you. Not at all," he couldn't help the slight chuckle that sounded deep in his chest as he spoke.
"Really?" her expression was the perfect picture of surprise. Her eyebrows had risen and her lips tugged into a little half-frown. A clear hint of surprise rang in her tone of voice, as well.
Marie liked that Miranda's emotions always sounded clearly in her voice. With many people, he felt he was missing a part of conversations because he couldn't monitor their expressions. It made him feel like she was a bit closer to him than most people. He wondered if that was one thing that had drawn him to be so fond of the woman. "I'm actually quite glad we got to spend that time together yesterday. It's rare, to get that type of physical contact. It's nice to be able to doze off beside someone, especially while hearing them read." His own pulse sped up a bit. He considered mentioning his feelings for Miranda, but he really didn't know if it was the best time for that. Miranda already seemed too awkward about the situation; he knew how easily flustered she was. He thought for a moment before decided that it wasn't the best time. He would definitely tell her soon, but not then. Not until she was acting a small bit less awkward. He wished he could tell her how glad he was that he had met her, and how happy he was that she felt safe enough around him to dose off.
"B-But it's not innocent if one of us wishes to think of the other as more than a friend," Miranda spoke so quietly that Marie barely heard her.
Had she figured him out? He didn't think she was that perceptive of other peoples' actions, but he had encountered things that were twice as surprising. A thought struck him, then, and he looked at her words from another angle. Maybe, just maybe, she was saying she cared for him in that way. Realizing he had gone silent for a few moments, he softly asked, "Miranda, do you feel that way about me?"
Another moment of silence stretched between the two of them. To Marie, and he was sure Miranda could hear it too, the only sound was Miranda's pounding heart. He was certain she could probably hear her own pulse loud and clear at the moment.
After a few more moments, the soft response came: "Yes... But I can pretend not, if it will make things awkward." Her voice shook a bit more than it normally did and it was again so soft that even Noise Marie could hardly hear it.
"There's no need for that, Miranda. I've been debating telling you," he gave a small pause, "That I feel the same way about you. I was actually afraid you didn't feel that way. You've no need to be so anxious about it."
There was the sound of her footsteps, and then she was hugging him. It was a light hug he could have easily stepped away from had he wished to, but he had no wish to. He loosely wrapped his arms around her. They exchanged no words for almost ten minutes. They just stood there in the light embrace.
Eventually Miranda's arms tightened slightly. Positive physical contact had been a rarity for her, her whole life, and now it was still something she didn't often encounter. Physical contact had been a rare thing in general. She was viewed in an indifferent, careless light and ignored most of her life. Marie allowing her to get this close for this long meant the world to her. She would never be able to properly express to him how grateful she was to him for something he probably viewed as simple.
The first to break the silence was Marie, "So, now that awkwardness is out of the way... I love you Miranda." He smiled at her, despite the slight blush on his face.
"I love you too, Marie," her voice sounded so incredibly happy. It made Marie question why he hadn't decided to tell her sooner. She nuzzled her face against his shoulder.
"Would you like to go out to town on a date, sometime?" he offered. He lightly rested his chin on the top of her head. "We could go somewhere to eat, and walk around. Maybe shop a bit." A content exhale from his nose ruffled her hair. He was happy with the situation, even if a few awkward misunderstandings had led up to it.
"Really? I would love that! I think it will be fun," she smiled at him. Neither of them were overly familiar with the town near the new Headquarters yet, so it would be a fun adventure for both of them. Neither would be bored by repeated surroundings.
"Then we'll have to see when we can get permission to go," he declared, "And once we figure that out, it'll be a date. Now, let me help you clean all of this glass up."
"You really don't have to! I was the one who broke everything. I can get it, don't worry," she assured. She seemed unsure of how to respond to his offer of help, "Besides, I don't want you accidentally cutting yourself. But, if you'll wait for a few minutes, we could spend some time together afterwards."
"That's a wonderful idea. Maybe in return for you always reading to me, I could play a song for you," Marie offered in a kind tone. He appreciated her reading to him. No one else ever had, except when it came to mandatory things, like mission briefing papers. He'd not heard the words of a book in the nine years between when he'd first been blinded and when Miranda offered to read aloud to him. It had been a surprising offer, but he genuinely appreciated it. People always seemed to think offering things like that would offend him, when really, they made him happy, because someone actually cared enough to offer him that much help. He hadn't realized how much he missed following the story line of a book or getting to know characters until she was reading to him again.
"I would love that. I don't really get to hear music very often," again, she sounded happy. Even as she was walking away to get the broom and dustpan again he could still hear the joy in her voice. "But I really love music, even if I don't hear it often."
"Maybe I could teach you to play that old piano I found, sometime. What do you think?" he offered. They both probably needed new things to do during the rare time they had nothing to do. They always seemed to be doing the same things, and Marie was the type of person who thrived on change.
"Wait, you'd really be willing to take time out of your free time to do that?" she sounded shocked. Beyond shocked. She sounded as if she were in complete disbelief that he was actually, truly offering to help her. In the back of her mind, she was still a bit afraid this was all going to be some trick. Like when she was younger and people would offer to be her friend just to see her broken when they were joking, or when people would be dared to act nice to her for a day. She was absolutely terrified this would turn out like that.
"Of course. I love spending time with you, it would be fun," he nodded. Her voice held a note of unease, and he wondered if he'd said something to upset her, "Miranda, if you don't want to go, you don't have to feel like you have to. You know that, right? It won't offend me if you don't want to go." Unknown to him, he had completely misinterpreted the cause of the unease.
"I really, really want to. Really," she assured. Oh god, he was changing his mind, wasn't he? Her thoughts went into a panicked flurry. He was going to tell her she was stupid for believing him. He would never talk to her again.
Now Marie could hear her pulse speeding up again. "Miranda, what's wrong?" Something was undeniably wrong, that much he could tell from the way she seemed to be panicking.
"You... You're not tricking me, are you? You're not just seeing how crushed I'll be, when this is all a joke?" she didn't mean to tear up, but memories of the same thing happening time and time again were all coming back. The pain that always came when she finally thought she had found a friend in her hellish little life.
For a moment, Marie was speechless. "Has someone done something like that to you before?" Miranda was such a sweet woman, he didn't understand how anyone thought it was funny to do things like that. Though, after hearing of the way she had been treated in her home village, he couldn't really doubt how she had been treated.
"Not in exactly the same ways, but it's happened before... People would ask to be friends. They would even spend time with me for a week or two to make it convincing, and every time, just when I started thinking that they were really being honest about it, they would make a fool of me in front of everyone. People would be dared to be nice to me, because I was such a nuisance," she wiped at her eyes quickly and tried to get her breathing under control. She couldn't cry. She wouldn't. But her resolve wasn't especially strong, and she was having trouble keeping her breathing even.
"Miranda, listen, I would never do something like that. People have been awful to you in the past, but I will never be like them. Ever," Marie felt for her shoulder. He gave her shoulder a light, reassuring squeeze. "I promise, this isn't a joke, no one dared me to say any of this. I love you, Miranda, honestly, I really do."
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have doubted your honesty like that," she managed to get out past shaky, jumpy breaths. It had been a long while since she had broken down like this, and she felt bed. She felt bad for him having to put up with her in such a state. Finally, she managed to calm her breathing. She had moved closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder again. Finally, she was breathing normally. Her stomach hurt, and she felt a bit light headed from how erratic and shallow her breathing had become for a short time.
Unsure of what else to do, Marie only reached up and ruffled her hair. He was glad she had calmed down; he had thought she was going to pass out for a few moments. After carefully thinking out his response, Marie softly whispered, "No need to apologize. I don't blame you, if people have done similar things to you, before."
"I'll try not to apologize about it, again, then," she managed a soft laugh as she wiped at her eyes.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading! And again, I apologize for the wait!
