Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man.
Chapter 20
Miranda awoke with a graceless thump and a drowsy grumble when she rolled off of the narrow couch. She had a terrible crick in her neck, but she smiled nonetheless when she saw that Marie was still sleeping. A glance at the old clock on the wall near the door told her it was sometime in the middle of the night. They must have slept for a few hours already, then. A yawn escaped Miranda lips and she stood up. She rubbed at her neck and wondered how she had managed to fall asleep sitting up in such an uncomfortable way.
She made her way to another couch, one of five or six in the library, and made herself comfortable. Laying down managed to relax her neck and it popped. With that unpleasant knot gone, she managed to find sleep again.
Miranda awoke before Marie, again, in the morning. It was almost seven in the morning and Miranda knew she wouldn't be falling asleep again. Making the best of her time until Marie woke up she picked up a book and began reading.
She was hesitant to wake Marie, but she didn't want to leave him. She still didn't fully trust that he was okay and she wanted to assure herself for just a bit longer that he was doing as well, for the situation, as he claimed. She also just didn't want to leave the library. She didn't want to see any of the others looking as broken, and possibly more so, than Marie. Allen's imprisonment made her sad, but almost more than anything it made her angry. Allen had saved her, he would never hurt anyone, and he had proved it time and time again. She hadn't known Kanda well, and from her brief encounters with him, she hadn't been that fond of him but she did know that he meant a lot to Marie and to Lenalee. Lavi had always gone out of his way to make sure she was okay; from cheering her up with jokes to telling her helpful ways to cope with bad situations. The three of them disappearing left the Order feeling empty.
Everyone was silent and there wasn't the normal, comforting chaos that the three interacting caused. The Order hardly felt like a home, a safe haven, to her anymore. She wished she could do something to help everyone cheer up, but the chances of that were slim at best.
She had been so occupied with these thoughts that she hadn't noticed Marie wake up until his foot brushed her leg. She had settled opposite of him on the couch while reading and had kept her legs tucked under herself. Marie had been laying in a slightly different fashion across from her.
"Good morning, Marie," Miranda greeted softly. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yes, I did. Did you?" he had sat up to sit a bit more comfortably on the couch. His feet rested against the side of Miranda's leg, now.
"Yes, I did too. I'm very glad to hear that you managed to get a bit of good sleep," Miranda smiled. She rested her hand on Marie's toes because they were cold, only to find that it did little good. Her hands were just as frigid. "We should bring some blankets with us next time we come here in case we fall asleep, again." The conversation was a nice little break from reality. Marie didn't sound quite as distraught.
"Yes, I can feel how cold your fingers are, even through your gloves," Marie said. Maybe, had times been different, a small smile might have tugged at his lips. He sat up and reached out until his fingers closed around one of her hands. He pulled her to sit up, as well, and took her other hand. He held both of her hands between his hands, which were much warmer than his feet.
"My hands are just usually like that," Miranda stammered. Despite how close they had gotten she was not usually this close to him and it seemed to leave her a bit flustered. "Even when it's warm out my hands stay chilly."
"I had noticed that," Marie said. "Perhaps it is because your arms are so thin. Maybe circulation has something to do with it."
"I don't really know, but your hands are very warm. It's nice," Miranda smiled slightly and uncurled her fingers. "My hands are usually so cold that they go numb. My toes, too."
"I'll just have to hold your hands more to warm them up," he offered the barest of smiles, "I'm not sure if I can help with your toes, though."
It was wonderful to see even such a small smile on Marie's face. Miranda knew that it wouldn't last; she knew nothing could make things better that quickly after what Marie had lost. She knew, but it still made her happy to see the smile on Marie's face. "I think I like that idea. I like holding your hands. You know, the weather has been very clear recently. Perhaps we could go outside and read for awhile, sometime."
"Maybe some other time," Marie said. His voice sounded truly exhausted. It was a feeling Miranda understood, though not from losing a person she knew but simply from losing hope or a job, and she knew it best to give him a bit of time.
"All right. I at least expect you to eat today, though," she wouldn't be as lenient about making sure he was eating and resting properly.
"I will, don't worry," Marie promised. He gave her hands a light squeeze of reassurance. He appreciated her concern. It was nice to see someone who at least wasn't completely shattered by what had happened in the past few months. It was especially good to have someone who was willing to worry about and try to care for others. "You know, Miranda, if it isn't too hard for you, you should try talking to Lenalee. She needs someone to talk to, at least to take her mind off of things."
"I wouldn't mind, but I'm going to make sure you're taking care of yourself first. I might try to check in on General Tiedoll, as well. I know he was close to Kanda. It might not be my place to comfort him since I don't know him. What do you think?" Miranda asked softly.
"I think they would both appreciate your concern, Miranda. I appreciate your concern, too. It means more than you would know," he sighed, "Thank you for worrying about everyone. I'm sorry that you have to."
"You don't have apologize, Marie. This is a horrible time, if I can help anyone, I don't mind if I have to go a bit out of my way to do so. I just wish I could do something more to help everyone," she assured, "Now, come on, you need to eat. Jerry is usually awake by now."
"Don't worry, I will. Just give me a few more minutes to wake," in all actuality he was plenty awake, he just wanted to have an excuse to be lazy and be close to someone.
She nodded for a moment, forgetting herself, then quickly said, "All right. Just so long as you eat today."
After a few minutes he was finally ready to get up. They stood and put the room back in order. Miranda walked to the door and held it open until he had walked through, then she followed closely after him.
Once they reached the cafeteria, they both ordered food. Jerry seemed a bit distraught, as well. It must have been saddening, no longer making mass quantities of food for Allen. After Marie had ordered his food and got it, Miranda told him to go find somewhere to sit and that she would join him soon.
"Jerry, would it be okay if I came and helped in the kitchen for awhile, later? I could do dishes, or help cook smaller things," Miranda offered. She really was going to try and cheer up everyone that she could. "A-And... If it wouldn't trouble you too much, could I maybe bake something in here sometime soon, too?"
"Sure, hun. I would appreciate a bit of help. It's always nice to have a bit of the work load lightened up," his tone was vaguely less jovial than normal.
"I'll come by sometime this afternoon, then," she smiled. After that, she ordered her own food. When it was ready she went to join Marie. It seemed he was eating his food and not just moving it around the plate. "I think I will be going to check on Lenalee after I finish eating. Will you be okay on your own while I do that?"
"Yes, I'll be fine. I will probably go to my room when you do. I might try to sleep for awhile more; I didn't realize how tired I was until I actually slept," his words were truthful. He didn't know if he would be able to sleep but he would try to.
"That's good. I'll check on you this evening, sometime," Miranda couldn't help another small smile. It was a little bit of progress from the day before. Marie was resilient, very resilient, so Miranda knew that she didn't need to be quite so worried about him. She couldn't help it, though. Worrying for everyone seemed like the right thing to do, despite how quickly they were all able to bounce back from tragedy.
"You don't have to, if you find you don't have the time. Remember to look after yourself, too," Marie reminded, "I wouldn't mind if you wanted to come to me later, though. Just don't feel as if you have to."
"I know, but I should have time," Miranda smiled softly, "Sleep well, if you do end up trying to sleep. I'm going to go check on Lenalee, now."
"Thank you. I will see you later, maybe this evening," he nodded.
Miranda gently knocked on the door to Lenalee's room. She didn't know how she would find Lenalee; it made her nervous.
The door was answered by a puffy-eyed, splotchy-faced Lenalee. Her voice was congested and it was clear she had been crying a lot, "Oh, you're back, Miranda..."
"Yes, I-I came to check on you," Miranda couldn't help a pang of hurt at seeing the other so broken. "I was worried that you might not have been eating or sleeping properly."
Lenalee stared blankly at her for a moment before she responded in a despondent tone, "I'm fine."
"Have you eaten today?" Miranda was quickly beginning to feel as if she would be unable to help cheer the other up in the slightest. Just hearing Lenalee's tone and seeing the look in her eyes made her feel as if she couldn't properly respond without making things worse or seeming insensitive.
"No," Lenalee mumbled, "But I don't want to go to the cafeteria. It's too empty without everyone." Hot tears began to well up in the corners of her eyes as she said these words. her voice became thick and cracked as she fought down the lump of painful tears in her throat.
"Will you eat if I bring you something?" Miranda asked softly.
"I don't know if I can. My stomach hurts," Lenalee wiped at her eyes. There were raw spots on her cheeks where she had spent too long rubbing at tears.
"Will you try?" Miranda kept her tone gentle and soft.
Lenalee gave a halfhearted shrug. Her tears were still coming heavily and she took a shuddering breath. It seemed it was a futile attempt to calm herself.
"Would you rather I stay here with you?" Miranda inquired. She kept her voice soft and calming the entire time that she was speaking to Lenalee.
Lenalee nodded. She'd hardly had an appetite since she heard about what had happened.
"May I come in?" Miranda didn't know if Lenalee was as easily humiliated about crying as she was, but if she were Miranda didn't want her feeling foolish for crying in the halls.
Lenalee's response was dulled and belated, but she did nod affirmatively in the end. She slowly walked back into her room enough to open the door and let Miranda follow. She barely made it to the edge of her bed before she let her legs buckle under herself. She hit the blanketed mattress with a soft thump and didn't sit up for a few long moments.
Miranda chose to sit beside Lenalee and rest a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Is there anything at all I can do to make things easier on you?"
Lenalee shook her head again. Her head and throat hurt too badly for her to speak much. The crying had begin to take a physical toll on her body, from her eyes stinging so badly she could hardly keep them open to the constant, pounding ache in her head.
Miranda simply sat there and rubbed Lenalee's shoulder while she sobbed. When Lenalee had calmed down a bit more, Miranda softly offered, "Would you like me to take you to the infirmary? I assume your head is hurting, and you could get some eye drops. Maybe an ice pack to help cool your face down."
"That does sound nice..." the closest to a mother Lenalee had ever had was the Head Nurse. She disliked going to the infirmary for no reason because it made her feel like she was disrupting the Head Nurse.
"I would offer to carry you, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be strong enough to do so," Miranda tried to joke a small bit. It didn't have much of an affect, though, so she could only help Lenalee sit up. She made sure to walk close to Lenalee until they reached the medical wing. The younger woman seemed unsteady on her feet and exhausted.
Upon reaching the infirmary, Miranda helped Lenalee sit down on one of the beds and went to find the Head Nurse.
"Good afternoon, Miranda," the elderly nurse greeted Miranda in a friendly tone, "Did you cut yourself again?"
"No, I'm fine. I actually brought Lenalee here," Miranda shook her head, "She's been crying a lot, because of what happened, and it's given her a terrible headache. Could you give her something for it? And she might need some eye drops, too. Her eyes are beginning to look quite dry."
"Of course," the old woman moved surprisingly fast as she went and found what she figured she would need, "Thank you for bringing her in. Lenalee can be a bit stubborn about getting help when she's mourning like this. What made you think to bring her here?" It was a question she couldn't help asking, so she could make sure Lenalee hadn't been doing anything drastic.
"I've been checking on a few of the other exorcists to make sure that they're not doing too poorly. I was worried about her, and I could tell she was beginning to feel even worse. Do you think I should go get her some cool water from the cafeteria?"
"That would likely be a good idea. If it's like that last time something like this happened then she probably hasn't drank anything for a few days. If you could get a small bit of bland food, too, I'll try to get her to eat," the Head Nurse had been the one get Lenalee into her best health during the time that Komui had been absent from the Order. Ever since those years, the elderly woman had held Lenalee in a special place in her heart.
"All right, I will try to be quick about it," Miranda nodded before she left to go to the cafeteria. Thankfully she didn't have to take too long staying there or walking there or back. When she got back the Head Nurse was carefully dripping eye drops into Lenalee's bloodshot eyes.
Miranda carefully set the glass of water and small bowl of food that she had brought down on the table beside the bed. After a few minutes, the Head Nurse told her that she would keep an eye on Lenalee for the time being, if Miranda wanted to go do something else. Miranda decided she would help Jerry before she went to check on General Tiedoll. That was what she was the most anxious about. She hardly ever spoke to him, but she wanted to make sure that he was okay too.
Helping in the kitchen had been exhausting for Miranda, as she spent the whole time stressed about trying to avoid dropping plates or breaking things and making Jerry's job even harder. Thankfully, by the end of her time helping him, she not only managed to avoid dropping and breaking anything but had also gotten all of the dishes in the overflowing sink washed and put away.
"Thanks for the help, hun. It's appreciated, feel free to come help anytime you want," Jerry seemed a bit more upbeat now. He had spent the while time Miranda was there jabbering away, though Miranda had only caught half of the things that he said.
"I'm glad I could help. I'll try to come back as often as I can," Miranda offered a slight smile. She got some food for herself and ate before she set off to check on Tiedoll. She had decided the next day she would see how all of the scientists were doing. She thought that maybe, since Lenalee hadn't been taking them coffee like usual, she could try to take them some coffee. A thought had also occurred to her to try and help file some paper work.
The walk to Tiedoll's room was short. Despite his room hardly being occupied, it was one of the closest to the cafeteria in the new Head Quarters. She knew he was there, though, because at the moment it couldn't be risked letting Generals stray too far from safety. Despite them being the strongest, there was still a strong sense of paranoia from the attack by the level four akuma on the previous building. There was now always at least one General present, if not more.
With trembling knees and no small amount of anxiety, what if she interrupted his grieving? What if he found her offered help to be unwelcome? After all, she hardly knew him, and she had never spoken to Kanda. Marie had said that it would be appreciated, though, and she really did want to help. Finally, Miranda gently rapped her knuckles against the door.
The door was answered within a few seconds, as if the General had been sitting near the door. "Oh, Miranda, do you need something?" Compared to Marie and Lenalee he appeared far better off. His eyes were a little red, but for the most part he seemed to be okay.
"I just came to check on you. I know that Marie, Lenalee, and you were rather close to Kanda. I know it's probably not my place to worry, but I wanted to make sure everyone would be okay. I'm sorry to have bothered you," the panicked apology slipped out without her meaning for it to. The words rushed out one after another and seemed to bump into each other, as if they would have been a train wreck were they written out somewhere.
"No need to apologize. It's sweet of you to try and help everyone. You needn't worry about me, though. I'm afraid I've grown used to things like this, a good cry is all that can help me. Besides, I'm sure Yuu-kun will be back eventually, he's stubborn enough that I don't think he would simply leave like that until he's found a way to slap the Order in the face for the trouble he has been caused," Tiedoll waited until she had finished apologizing before he responded with this. His tone was kind, and it made Miranda feel as if she really hadn't troubled him.
"I'm glad you're able to handle things like this well," she really hadn't any other clue how to respond.
"I wouldn't say I, or anyone else, can handle these situations well. Some people can just grow used to them and make them seem less painful. I sometimes wish Marie were able to, though sometimes I question if the guilt of not feeling as crushed as you originally would have is worth it. I'm sorry, I'm boring you, aren't I?" he cut himself off before he could get too lost in his own absent ramblings.
"No, you weren't boring me at all!" Miranda quickly assured, "I should probably go check on Marie, now. I'm sorry if I disturbed you."
"You've no need to apologize, I appreciate this. Thank you for looking after Ma-kun for me," Tiedoll offered her a smile, "If you ever need to talk about anything, you wouldn't be bothering me."
"Thank you very much, General Tiedoll," she gave a respectful nod before she took her leave to go check on Marie.
She walked past her own door and almost knocked on Marie's door. She stopped, though, when she heard Noel Organon's music. She had never heard him play it, before, and it was a surprisingly graceful sound. The music was sad, though, as if it were to see the three lost exorcists of to any type of afterlife there was. Miranda didn't wish to disturb him, so she returned to her room. She meant to wait until he had finished playing, but the sound of the music through the wall and having been walking about all day left her tired. It wasn't long before she dozed off.
A/N: Thanks a bunch for reading! :D Sorry if there are mistakes in the second half of this, I got a bit lazy while proofing. Speaking of! If any of you lovely readers would be willing to proof read this I would be super, super grateful! I just don't have the energy to write AND proof read if I want to keep up with school. It means so much to me that you all are reading this! I really appreciate hearing back from you all about this!
