Greetings, once again, sports fans, for another exciting episode of Laff-A-Lympics. To start, our teams will start their competition with daring events in Denver, Colorado. Finally, our competitors will glow after the events at the glorious island of Guam. Who will win the highly-coveted Laff-A-Lympics Gold Medal today? Will it be the Yogi Yahooeys, the Scooby Doobies, or the Really Rottens? Let's find out and send you down to our commentators, Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf.
"Welcome, sports fans. Hello, even. We have quite the ensemble of events, today. Don't we Mildew?" Snagglepuss said.
"That's right, Snag. The cold must really work up a thirst because our first event is the orange soda drinking contest. The first savage to drink a 33.8 ounce [one liter] bottle of orange soda will be declared the winner," Mildew replied.
"The suspense is too much, crushing even."
As always, first place is 25 points. Second is 15, and third is 10. The usual rules for cheating apply as well.
The Really Rottens booed upon the reminder of the cheating penalty.
"Let's meet our competitors for the opening event. For the Yogis, we have Grape Ape. Grape, do you think you can drink orange soda? It's not even your color?"
"No problem. Grape Ape, Grape Ape," he replied.
"I couldn't have said it any better myself. Next, we have Hong Kong Phooey for the Scoobies."
Instead of replying to Snagglepuss, Hong Kong karate chopped the air.
"And for the Rottens, we have Mr. Creepley. Tell me, do you think you can drink that much at once?"
"Very easily, Snagglepuss. When I drink it all, it'll hit the spot—the first place spot," Creepley replied with an evil laugh.
"We'll see about that," Mildew interjected. At the sound of someone belching, he added "there's your signal, so start your drinking."
Our competitors are off to a fast start. Grape Ape is gulping down the soda like it's nothing. Uh oh. Look out everyone, a gassy Grape Ape is about to burp!"
Grape Ape's burp took long enough that he lost precious time in the contest. He could only hope he could catch up without drinking so fast that he'd burp again.
Suddenly, Mr. Creepley put down his bottle and raised his hands victoriously.
How did Creepley finish so fast? The race is now for second place with Hong Kong Phooey and Grape Ape going neck and neck.
"I never knew a 40-foot Ape could go neck and neck with anyone," Mildew deadpanned.
The competition is too close to call at the point. Both contestants slam down the bottles near simultaneously. Is it a tie for second?
"Let's use the slow-motion replay to see who finished where. Let's also see how the Rottens managed to finish so quickly," Snagglepuss said.
As we review the tape and review the timing, Hong Kong Phooey finishes two-tenths of a second faster than Grape Ape. However, as we rewind to the earlier part of the contest, we see the Rottens used a cheat to finish first. Their bottle contained only a fraction of the required amount and used orange tissue paper to disguise it as orange soda.
The Rottens hissed and rained catcalls on everyone else to have their cheat caught once again. Visibly disgusted, the Magic Rabbit added, "Brack!"
"The Really Rottens are disqualified and our other two teams move up in the standings. Boy, do I enjoy saying that. It almost makes me glad I came back," Mildew stated. "Let's check out the scores."
With the adjusted standings, the Scoobies earn the 25 points for first place. Close behind are the Yogis with 15. The Rottens get no points for their disqualification and a ten-point penalty for cheating, leaving them with minus ten points.
"Razzin frazzin negative brazzin," Mumbly muttered.
"Don't worry Mumbly, there's always the next event," Mildew assured him.
"We're here at the 5280 foot [1609 m] tall arena for our next event: the fabulous [American] football toss. Each team's contestant will have one chance to throw a football as far as they can down the field. The farthest toss wins. And, to make things more interesting, the judges will award a 7 point bonus if a team can throw a perfect 100-yard [91.44 m] toss from goal line to goal line," Snagglepuss announced.
"Let's meet our crazy contestants," Mildew stated. "I can hardly wait. First for the Yogis, we have Augie Doggie. Augie, how do you think you'll do as one of the younger contestants?"
"I'll be just fine. When I was a young pup, I learned to throw a football from my dear old dad."
"Make me proud, son of mine," Doggie Daddy interjected.
"Isn't that just so touching? For the Scoobies, we have that gentle genie, Babu," Mildew said.
"Aww, shucks. That's so kind. Let's hope I have a good kind of throw, too," Babu replied.
"And finally, for the Rottens, we have Dinky Dalton."
Dinky slowly strolled over wearing an oversize helmet that covered his eyes nearly as much as his usual hat.
"Thanks, Milford. I reckon I can throw it faster than anyone and maybe get those bonus points," he said.
"We'll see about that, big fella. We're about to start, so take it away, Snag. Please."
"Thanks, Mildew. Going in order of scores, Babu will throw first."
Babu looked down the field and took a couple of steps backward before throwing the football with all of his might.
It's a great throw by Babu. Look at that perfect spiral.
"It was a light as a feather," Babu said. "Yapple dapple!"
Not expecting to use his magic, Babu unexpectedly turned his football into a feather. As a soft breeze caught it, it blew backwards to the starting point.
The judges estimate Babu's toss went negative three yards [-2.74 m]. Sorry, Babu.
"Oh, well. Nobody ever picked me for football, anyways, until today" he replied.
"Next up, we have Augie Doggie for the Yogis," Snagglepuss announced.
Augie took a running start and threw the ball as best as he could.
Look at that ball go. It has the distance and takes a big bounce to cross midfield. It won't reach the goal line by any stretch, but the ball stops just shy of 60 yards [54.86 m].
"Finally, we have Dinky Dalton for the Rottens," Mildew said.
Dinky planted his foot into the ground as he threw the football. After sailing easily through the air, it bounced at the 45 yard line and stopped just the other side of midfield.
The ball traveled just over 51 yards [46.63 m], but what's this? That's not a leather football, it's a foam one. No wonder Dinky threw it so easily.
"I can't believe it, it's incredible even, the Rottens cheated yet again!" Snagglepuss exclaimed.
Excuse me Snagglepuss, the judges have ruled that although Dinky threw a valid football, it was still unsporting to use a foam one. Therefore, the results stand, but the Rottens will receive a penalty for their dirty deception.
Once again, the Rottens booed and rained catcalls in response to the ruling.
"OK, then. Give us the updated scores," Snagglepuss stated.
The Yogis earned 25 points and take the lead with 40. The Scoobies, despite their 10 points for third, are second with 35. The Rottens' 15 points, less the 10 point penalty, gives them 5 points and a score of minus five. And those are our scores halfway through the competition.
"So that's it from daunting Denver. Join us as we finish our events at one of the top tropical territories of the Pacific Ocean. See you once in again in Guam," Snagglepuss said.
"I can only hope the sun can melt away my woes," Mildew added.
"That's what you think," Dread Baron replied with an evil sneer.
Will the Yogis stay hot and keep their lead? Can the Rottens fire up and move out of the cellar? Stay tuned for the exciting second half of our All-Star Laff-A-Lympics.
Welcome back for the conclusion of today's Laff-A-Lympic events. Watch our teams as they battle for the gold in two-person beach rugby and coconut bowling.
Let's recap the halfway scores. The Yogis lead with 40 points. The Scoobies are right behind with 35, and the Rottens are 5 points in the hole.
And now, back to our announcers.
"Thanks, and welcome back, everybody," Snagglepuss said. "Let's meet our contestants for beach rugby, shall we? For the Yogis, we have Huck Hound and Quick Draw McGraw."
"We're the toughest athletes on the team, or my name isn't Quick Draw McGraw!"
"What he said," Huck replied.
"Indeed. For the Scoobies, we have the Blue Falcon and Tinker," Snagglepuss announced.
"Well, golly. I've never played rugby before," Tinker stated.
"Me, neither, but I'm confident we'll represent the team with pride and sportsmanship," the Blue Falcon replied.
"And finally, for the Rottens, we have Orful Octopus and Mr. Creepley."
Orful waved a tentacle and gurgled at the audience.
"Orful says we have the best chance of winning with his six arms," Mr. Creepley said.
"That remains to be seen, you silly savages," Mildew replied. "You've got the first match-up against the Yogis, so go ahead and show us."
"With pleasure, Mildred. Let's go, Orful."
At the sound of a whistle, all four players scrummed for the ball.
"Get it, Orful," Creepley said.
Orful gurgled in reply and wrapped a tentacle around the first object he could find. Meanwhile, Quickdraw grabbed the ball and started running.
"Not me, you awful octopus, the ball. Now go stop them!"
Orful let go of Mr. Creepley and stretched out a tentacle in a desperate attempt to stop Quickdraw. Trailing the play, Huck ran alongside his teammate.
"Here, toss it to me before they stop you," he called out.
"If you insist."
Quickdraw tossed the ball to Huck just as Orful tackled him. With Creepley too busy watching Orful, he had no chance to stop Huck and looked helplessly as the latter crossed the goal line and touched the ball to the ground.
The Yogis advance to face the Scoobies for the championship. The Rottens will finish in third place for this event.
"We didn't event get a chance to cheat," Creepley lamented.
The rest of the Rottens booed their loss.
"Good job, Huckleberry. Now let's win again and get those 25 points," Quick Draw said.
The pair lined up opposite Tinker and the Blue Falcon. At the sound of the whistle, both teams scrummed for the ball.
Tinker's attempt to dive for the ball failed and it squirted out his hands. Quick Draw, lined up opposite of him, landed on top of him.
The Blue Falcon, seeing the ball in the air, finally decided to chase it.
"Blue Falcon, away!" he called out.
As he ran towards the ball, however, Huck tackled him.
This is amazing. Both teams are playing as if there's more on the line than 25 points.
Quick Draw finally scooped up the ball. "I got it!" he called out to his teammate. Unfortunately, he tripped over Blue Falcon and lost the ball.
"I guess I don't got it," he admitted.
The Blue Falcon, meanwhile, stood up and scooped up the ball. With Huck pursing him relentlessly, he ran as fast as could. He narrowly reached the end zone and touched the ball to the ground. Huck, on the other hand, crashed into the goalpost.
"That's not how you're supposed to score," Quick Draw called out.
"Now he tells me. Thank goodness I wore my helmet," Huck replied.
The Scoobies' win gives them 25 points and the lead with 60 points. The Yogis' 15 points for second puts them in a close second with 55. The Rottens' ten points for third sees them come out of the hole with 5 points.
Let's join Snagglepuss and Mildew for our last event of the day.
"We're here at the Sunshine & Serenity Resort for our final event of the day: coconut bowling, ten pins even," Snagglepuss said.
"And to make the final event more interesting, we're going to triple the points this round. That also means a triple penalty if anyone cheats," Mildew added.
Despite the warning, all three teams cheered. Even the Rottens were happy at the possibility of winning if everything went well for them.
"Let's meet our contestants. For the Yogis, we have the Southern Belle of bowling, Cindy Bear."
"Aww, shucks, I'm sure little ol' me will do just fine."
"And for the Scoobies, we have that top teen angel, Taffy Dare," Snagglepuss added.
Taffy bowed towards her teammates.
"And for the Really Rottens, we have Mrs. Creepley."
"Thanks, dah-ling. I'll definitely bowl over the competition."
"We'll see about that, Mrs. Creepley. Just spare us the details."
With the Rottens trailing in the standings, they will bowl first.
Mrs. Creepley grabbed a coconut and rolled it down the makeshift lane. She surprised herself with a perfect strike. The Rottens cheered and jumped up and down.
"I can't believe it, she rolled a strike with no cheating," Mildew stated.
With the strike, the Rottens receive two more balls to bowl.
Mrs. Creepley bowled again. This time, the ball ended up in the gutter at the last second.
Aww, that's tough luck. Still, she has one ball left to bowl. The pressure would be on the other teams to catch her.
Mrs. Creepley bowled her final ball. She pumped her fist upon knocking down three more pins. Now, each of the remaining teams needed a strike or a spare just to try to overtake her score.
Next up, we have Cindy Bear for the Yogis.
Cindy slowly approached the lane and stopped just shy of the foul line before throwing her coconut ball down the lane. What looked like a sure strike turned at the last second. Still, she knocked down eight pins.
"Don't fret, Cindy. Don't worry, even. You still have another chance," Snagglepuss told her.
Cindy nodded and made a more determined run towards the lane. Unfortunately, her ball stayed right in the center of the lane and knocked down no additional pins.
With the Yogis finishing with eight pins to the Rottens' 13, it's now up to Taffy of the Scoobies.
Taffy cautiously approached the lane and bowled her coconut. She looked pleased to knock down half of the pins.
"Good job, but you gotta get the rest of them, now," her teammate Brenda called out.
With her second ball, Brenda did just that. With her spare, she had one more ball and a chance to challenge the Rottens.
"Here goes nothing," Taffy said as she bowled one last time. She screamed happily as all ten pins crashed to the ground. She had the best pin total and the win.
With the spectacular strike, the Scoobies snatch first place and the overall win. Let's review the final scores. The Scoobies' 75 points gives them the gold with 135 points. The Rottens' 45 points gives them 50. And the Yogis, despite their third place finish, earned 30 points. They finish second overall with 85.
Taffy stood on top of the podium with the Scoobies' gold medal. Wally Gator waved to the crowd upon receiving the silver medal. Daisy Mayhem hooped and hollered with Sooey once she wore the bronze medal.
"There's our competition for today," Mildew said. "We hope you join us for whatever crazy contents await us next time."
"See you next time, everyone, for another exciting episode of Laff-A-Lympics," Snagglepuss told everyone as the closing credits started to display.
Mock Social Media Update
Official LALBogus Chirper Feed – The Scooby Doobies are the overall winners in the second #Laff-A-Lympic event this season.
Scooby Doobies FacePlace Account – Rooby Rooby Roo! We won the gold!
Updated Team Standings
Yogi Yahooes, 1, 1, 0, 155
Scooby Doobies, 1, 0, 1, 185
Really Rottens, 0, 1, 1, 110
