Greetings, and welcome to our newest episode of Laff-A-Lympics. After our first events in the outstanding Canadian province of Ontario, we head off the southern hemisphere for more jocularity in Johannesburg. Who will be today's gold medal winner? Let's turn to our announcers, Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf, who will help us find out.
"Thanks. Welcome to our latest Laff-A-Lympics competition... games even," Snagglepuss said. "Mildew and I are here in Toronto for our opening event: the motorboat water ski obstacle course."
"I think I'm seasick from just hearing you mention it, Snag," Mildew replied.
"Easy, Mildew. We're still on solid land... for now."
As Mildew took slow, deep breaths, Snagglepuss added, "For the Yogis we have Wally Gator and Hokey Wolf."
"I'm always a natural when it comes to water sports," Wally stated.
"I swear I heard that before. For the Scoobies, we have Babu and Captain Caveman."
"We're ready, aren't we, Captain Caveman?" Babu asked.
Captain Caveman grunted before mumbling, "Me good sea captain."
"For the Really Rottens, we have Mrs. Creepley and Orful Octopus."
"Thanks, darling. Orful and I are a sure thing to win. He's an octopus, and he just loves the water," Mrs. Creepley said in her sultry voice.
"All right, you savage savages, listen up," Mildew told the contestants. "The drivers have to navigate the obstacle course shown in this map. At the end, the water skier must make the jump just before the finish line in order to receive credit for completing the race."
And as always, we will award 25 points for first place, 15 for second, and ten for third.
"Don't forget we deduct points for cheating," Mildew added, casting an icy glare at the booing Rottens.
After the sound of someone gargling, Snagglepuss said "Either something's fishy here, or that's the signal to start the race. So get going, even!"
And Yogis get off to the early lead. The Scoobies, however, have yet to start.
"C'mon, Captain Caveman, get the engine started so we don't get disqualified," Babu stated.
Captain Caveman responded with a few grunts. After another unsuccessful attempt at starting the engine, he growled and snarled at it. That brought the engine to life. In fact, the boat moved so fast that Babu nearly lost his balance.
With the Scoobies ripping through the riptide of Lake Ontario, the Yogis hang on to the lead. But what about the Rottens? They haven't started yet, either.
"Don't worry about us, darling," Mrs. Creepley replied. Suddenly, the Rottens' boat pulled away faster than the Scoobies' boat did.
That's amazing! The Yogis appeared to have first place wrapped up, but they're now in third. Captain Caveman, watch out for those obstacles!
"What obstacle?" he asked. After the boat ran into a buoy, he said, "Oh, that obstacle," before growling in disgust.
With the Scoobies sinking in the standings, the Yogis desperately try to challenge for first place.
"C'mon Hokey. We're trying to win a race you know," Wally said.
"Don't be such a worry wart, Wally," Hokey answered. "I've got to keep an even keel if we want to win."
As the Rottens reach the finish line, Orful makes his jump and does a perfect eight-tentacle triple spin landing. It looks like the Rottens have won the race.
The rest of the Rottens team cheered.
Captain Caveman, determined to try for second place, screamed, "Captain Caveman!" and put his club into the water to give his boat a boost of power. As they navigated the rest of the course, Babu did his best to daftly navigate to obstacle course.
Suddenly, the boat slowed down again as Captain Caveman's club fizzled out.
"Uh oh. Bad time for energy crisis," he said.
Meanwhile, Hokey reached the final straightway. Wally made his jump, but he was too frozen with fear to do much of anything but scream.
The Yogis finish second after Wally's jump featuring a twin tail flop. And here's Babu's jump as the Scoobies finish the course in third place.
"Don't be so sure about that," Snagglepuss stated. "Let's check out the final finish, and check for cheaters even."
As we replay the finish, we see that the Rottens' boat was powered by an underwater turbine! No wonder they finished so quickly.
"For illegal use of a turbine and unsporting underwater underhandedness, the Rottens are disqualified," Mildew announced, much to the Rottens' collective chagrin.
The Yogis, who now finish in first place, receive 25 points. The Scoobies pick up 15 points for second place. Finally, the Rottens receive 10 points for third, less 10 points for cheating, leaving them with zero.
"Razzin frazzin zero zazzin," Mumbly grumbled.
"We're here at the University of Windsor for our next event: gym jousting," Mildew told the audience.
A number of faculty and students in the gym cheered.
"How does that work Mildew? We can't have horses indoors; think of the droppings, even," Snagglepuss said.
"This is horseless jousting, just like the carriages," Mildew replied.
"I resent that!" Quick Draw McGraw interjected.
"Present company excluded, of course. As I was saying, before you interrupted me, we've put down a carpeted straightaway on the gym floor. Both teams will challenge each other there, and the first to score a hit wins the competition."
"Yes, indeed, Mildew. Indeed, that's right," Snagglepuss replied. "We drew teams at random during the break. The Rottens and the Scoobies will joust first, with the winner jousting the Yogis for first place."
"For the Yogis, we have Yakky Doodle."
Yakky quacked in frustration as the visor in his miniature suit of armor closed over his eyes.
"Let's hope you don't quack up too much, there, Yakky. For the Scoobies, we have Tinker."
The Scoobies cheered their teammate on as he walked up in his suit of armor.
Snagglepuss added, "Finally, for the Rottens, we have Dirty Dalton."
"I'm a lean, mean, jousting machine," Dirty replied proudly. Given that both Yakky and he were the shortest contestants, it appeared to give them a possible advantage.
"We already know what you mean, so get ready for your first joust." After Dirty and Tinker stood on opposite ends with their lances, Snagglepuss added, "alright, you two, go!"
Both Dirty and Tinker ran towards each other. In order to score a hit, it has to be made prior to crossing the gym floor's half-court line. Otherwise, the contestants would line up on opposite ends and repeat the joust.
Tinker's jab at Dirty missed, due to Dirty's small stature. Dirty, however, jabbed Tinker in the ankle, scoring a hit—and a win for the Rottens.
"Well, golly, I missed and lost at the same time," Tinker lamented.
And now, the Rottens will take on the Yogis for first place.
Yakky continued to struggle with his helmet, but he remained determined to do well for his team.
"Ready, set, go!" Snagglepuss called out.
Dirty once again charged down the straightaway. Yakky did the same, doing his best to see through his helmet. As dirty lunged forward, Yakky's lance caught the floor and catapulted him over Dirty's head.
"Hold it!" Mildew called out. "You'll have to reset at your new ends and start over."
"How did I miss him?" Dirty asked.
"Don't worry, you'll get him next time, little brother," Dinky Dalton called out.
On signal, both contestants charged each other. At the last second however, Yakky's helmet closed over his eyes. Running off balance and blindly thrusting his lance forward, he parried Dirty's strike and landed the hit instead.
How about that, Yakky Doodle wins on sheer instinct. I wouldn't wouldn't believe it, if I hadn't seen it.
Yakky, hearing the Yogis cheer, opened his helmet again, and said "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!"
"Yakky, you're not done yet. You've advanced to the bonus round. The University's very own unofficial mascot, Jouster, will challenge you. If you win, your team gets five bonus points," Snagglepuss told him.
"OK," Yakky quacked in reply. However, his joust was unsuccessful as Jouster landed an easy hit.
"Tough luck, Yakky. Maybe you should have ducked," Snagglepuss said. "But you still have your first place finish. Let's check the scoreboard and tally up the points, even."
The Yogis' 25 points for this event keeps them in first place with 50. The Rottens get 15 points to finish with 15 heading into halftime. And, the Scoobies' ten points keeps them in second with 25.
"Brack!" the Magic Rabbit stated indifferently.
"Don't go away sports fans, we have another exciting second half of super events waiting for you," Snagglepuss stated.
"I can hardly wait. I just hope I don't fall off the globe, being so far south," Mildew replied.
Stay tuned for what should be another exciting conclusion to our Laff-A-Lympics competition.
Welcome back to the second half of our continued Laff-A-Lympics competition as we journey to Johannesburg. Watch dedicated duos as they start with synchronized skydiving. And stay tuned for our real gem of a finish as our teams go fishing for diamonds.
When we left Ontario, the Yogi Yahooeys led with 50 points. The Scooby Doobies were close behind with 25, and the Really Rottens had 15.
Our reporters are raring to go, so take it away, Snagglepuss and Mildew.
"Welcome back, everyone. Thanks for rejoining us, even. We're here at the Witwatersrand for our next event: synchronized skydiving," Snagglepuss told the viewing audience.
"If that didn't so silly, I wouldn't believe my ears," Mildew replied.
"Believe it or not, I see our contestants getting ready. For the Yogis, we have Cindy Bear and Huck Hound."
The rest of the Yogis cheered on their teammates, along with the assembled spectators.
"For the Scoobies, we have those terrific Teen Angels: Taffy Dare and Dee Dee Sykes."
"Thanks, Snagglepuss. This is going to be so much fun," Taffy told him.
Mildew begrudgingly walked over to the Rottens. "Just my luck, I get to announce the Rottens' entries in this event: Fondoo and his dopey rabbit."
"Brack!" The magic rabbit replied as he angrily shook his fist.
"Pay no attention to him, rabbit," Fondoo replied. "He's just jealous because he knows we'll win the competition."
"You couldn't win if you were the only contestant in a magic show," Mildew retorted.
"Alright you two. This is Laff-A-Lympics, not Snark-A-Lympics," Snagglepuss said, getting in between Mildew and The Great Fondoo. "Contestants, get in your planes."
The three pairs of contestants entered a plane with their team's identifier on the side. The planes then took off to reach the top of the Witwatersrand.
In order to determine who wins the 25-point first place finish, contestants will be judged on originality, synchronized teamwork, and the accuracy of their final landing. As always, cheating will be penalized.
"Everyone is getting ready for the jump signal, so let's see what they do—and where they end up, even!" Snagglepuss announced.
"OK, rabbit, remember what I showed you," Fondoo said.
As each pilot activated the signal to jump, all three pairs jumped to begin the competition.
Cindy and Huck have given each other a helping hand for the Yogis. Look at them move together as if they were one being. That's a great example of terrific teamwork.
As Taffy and Dee Dee jumped for the Scoobies, they performed a challenging maneuver involving spins and twists.
Look at the Teen Angels. Their skydiving performance is simply celestial.
The Rottens, however, did their jump as two individuals side by side. Fondoo made a number of gestures and moves with his arms and legs while the Magic Rabbit did his best to duplicate them alongside of Fondoo.
The Rottens' routine is anything but. Still, they are descending in unison. Now for the tricky part of the event: the landing. A successful landing increases a team's chance of receiving a higher score.
All three teams zeroed in on the designated landing strip. Contending for first place and the 25 points that came with it depended on their success.
Cindy and Huck make their landing in the strip and stop with inches to spare.
"I'm sure the tension was quite unbearable," Cindy deadpanned.
The Scoobies make their landing but can't stop in time and finish off of the landing strip. Let's see what happens with the Rottens.
The Magic Rabbitt gestured and grunted at Fondoo.
"No, you silly rabbit. If I use my magic, we'll lose for sure. Stop being so demanding and nail that landing," Fondoo replied.
Amazing, the Rottens land as close to the center of the landing strip as possible. They didn't seem to cheat, so how did they do it?
"Ancient South African secret," Fondoo replied.
"Our guest judges, Tom and Jerry, have tallied up their scores and the results will be announced momentarily, in a minute or two even," Snagglepuss told everyone.
The Rottens separate but synchronized routine—combined with their perfect, cheat-free landing—has given them first place.
The rest of the Rottens whooped and hollered hearing that they actually won the event.
The Yogis have been awarded second place, and the Scoobies took third due to a lack of creativity and for finishing their landing off the strip.
Scooby-Doo and the rest of his team groaned in disappointment.
Let's check out the updated scores. The Rottens' 25 points moves them into second place with 40. The Yogis get 15 points for second; they'll stay in first place with 65 points. Finally, the Scoobies' third place finish nets them 10 points and 35 overall for the cellar.
Mildew looked around to make sure there were no Rottens close by. Finally, he said, "I'm here at the Klip river for our final event, the diamond fishing derby. Once again, pairs of teammates will try to fish their way to first place by trying to find as many diamonds as possible within the time limit."
"That's not all, Mildew," Snagglepuss interjected. "To ensure everyone is competitive, we're going to double the points this event, meaning the winning team gets 50 points. However, this also means cheating penalties double in value, too."
"Why does everybody always look at us when he says that?" Dread Baron asked rhetorically.
Mumbly shrugged his shoulders.
Mildew ignored the Rottens, much to his credit, and said, "Let's meet our competitors for such a pivotal event. For the Yogis, we have Snooper and Blabber."
"If there's a bunch of diamonds to be found, we'll find them. Right, Blab?" Snooper replied.
"You said it, Schnoop," Blabber added.
"For the Scoobies, we have the Blue Falcon and Scooby-Dum," Mildew told the audience.
"I can only hope we finish our competition with the same great sportsmanship we always exhibit—even with a new partner," Blue Falcon replied.
"Dum dum dum dum!" Scooby-Dum stated.
"I couldn't say it any better myself," Mildew answered. "Snag is over with our last competitors."
"I'm here with the Rottens and their excited entrants, Dread Baron and Daisy Mayhem," Snagglepuss announced.
"Dread and Daisy both start with the letter 'D.' And so does 'defeat'—which is what we plan to do to those goody goods," Dread said.
"You tell 'em!" Daisy replied as she gave a loud whoop.
"OK, here are your boats, get going and good luck. The team with the most diamonds wins... and no cheating!" Snagglepuss called out as all three teams took off down the river.
As the teams looked for what they thought were good sites for finding diamonds, Mr. Creepley and Orful Octopus sneaked away in the opposite direction.
"Are you ready Orful?" Mr. Creepley asked.
Orful nodded and gurgled affirmatively.
"Dump these fake glass jewels into the river, then. Those fools won't know the difference until it's too late, and we'll win."
Mr. Creepley then laughed evilly as Orful dumped a bag full of fake diamonds into the river.
Back at the competition, Snooper looked at the river through his magnifying glass.
"I think I see one, Blab. Better scoop it up while we still can," he told his partner.
"One diamond in the scoop, Schnoop," Blabber replied.
Elsewhere, the Blue Falcon and Scooby-Dum did their part to find as many diamonds as possible.
"OK, Scooby-Dum, drop the anchor and help me get as many diamonds as possible," Blue Falcon said.
Scooby-Dum proceeded to drop the anchor on one of his paws before hobbling in pain.
"This guy makes Dynomutt look like a true dog wonder," Blue Falcon lamented. Suddenly, his wrist communicator activated.
"Thanks for the compliment, B.F. buddy," Dynomutt stated.
Meanwhile, Dread Baron and Daisy worked hard to scoop up what diamonds they could.
"C'mon, Daisy. If Creepley pulled off top secret plan #321, we need to get diamonds now before the others come floating downstream."
"Oh, shush. You're more dramatic than one of those old plays with the single-named actors in it!" Daisy retorted. "Besides, I know what I'm doin'; girls know where to find diamonds as the song goes."
Some time later, time was called and all three teams returned to the main area.
"Let's see who had the most diamonds, shall we?" Snagglepuss stated.
"Hold it! Hold it!" Mildew exclaimed as he ran on-screen.
"What's the problem?"
"Listen to what our guest judge has to say. You may find it very interesting."
"Oh yes. We didn't tell anyone that we had a secret guest judge observing the event... and watching, even."
Jabberjaw appeared and said, "Here's some underwater footage I think you'll want to see before you make your final standings."
As we see here, Mr. Creepley had Orful Octopus flood the river with fake diamonds. Just how low did the Rottens go this time?
"Obviously not low enough," Mr. Creepley conceded.
"We can just throw out the fake diamonds and see how many real ones everyone had," Mildew suggested.
"I find that an acceptable solution," Blue Falcon replied.
"I have a better idea," Jabberjaw stated. "Disqualify the Rottens for their cheating and let the Yogis and Scoobies share first place since there's no way to know how they would have done had these fakes not been dumped into the river. No respect, I tell you, no respect."
"I'll go for that, I'll even do it," Snagglepuss replied. "The Yogis and Scoobies will share the top spot with the Really Rottens really disqualified."
The Rottens booed and hissed upon hearing the outcome.
Let's check the scoreboard one last time. The Yogis 50-point award gives them first place with 115 points. The Scoobies clinch second place as their 50 points give them 85. The Rottens get no points for being disqualified, less a 20-point cheating penalty. They finish last with 20 points.
The Magic Rabbit said, "Brack!" angrily.
On the podium, Grape Ape proudly sported the Yogis' gold medal. Hong Kong Phooey made a karate chop as he showed off the Scoobies' silver medal. Finally, Dastardly Dalton accepted the Rottens' bronze medal when nobody else wanted to do it.
"Today's competition was one to remember," Snagglepuss stated.
"I was hoping I'd forget it as soon as possible," Mildew replied.
"Perhaps you will when we see you next time as we have new places and exciting events waiting for you."
"Sounds like a plan. Taxi!" Mildew called as he ran off once again.
Mock Social Media Update
Official LAL Bogus Chirper Feed – Yogi Yahooeys win big today, take #Laff-A-Lympics gold medal.
Yogi Yahooeys MyBook Account – We got another win today, and we stay in first place. We're better than the average athletes.
Rottens Stumbler Account – Drat, drat, and double drat! Last place yet again. *razzin frazzin*
Updated Team Standings
Yogi Yahooeys, 3, 1, 0, 335
Scooby Doobies, 1, 2, 1, 330
Really Rottens, 1, 1, 2, 195
