Welcome, once again, to another exciting episode of Laff-A-Lympics. Today, our teams begin in the very exciting state of Virginia, and they finish in the land down under—the super city of Sydney to be more precise. Stay tuned to see who wins the always-coveted Laff-A-Lympics Gold Medal. Now, let's go over to our announcers: Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf.
"Welcome, sports fans. Hello, even. Snagglepuss here as we welcome you to today's events. I'm here with Mildew at our first event inside Historic Jamestowne: The revolutionary wheelbarrow race."
Mildew added, "If you look at our course map, everyone starts at the welcome center, turns at the memorial church, and loops around past the archaeology museum and finishes between the historic church tower and the memorial church. I think I just got dizzy explaining that."
"In that case, Mildew, let me take over. Our circular course is our way of finding the best well-rounded athletes. Now lets meet our colonial contestants."
The contestants from all three teams walked over the finish line. All of them wore colonial tricorne hats.
"For the Yogis, we have Hokey Wolf wheeling Augie Doggie."
The Yogis cheered their teammates as Doggie Daddy called out, "Good Luck, son of mine!"
"Over here, we have Tinker wheeling Hong Kong Phooey."
As the Scoobies cheered, Snagglepuss added, "Finally, for the Rottens, we have Daisy Mayhem and Sooey Pig."
The rest of the Rottens howled and cackled.
As usual, first place is for 25 points. Second place gets 15, and third gets ten. Also, cheating is penalized with mandatory deductions.
"How come everybody looks at us when he says that?" Dread Baron asked nobody in particular.
Mumbly shrugged and snickered.
At the sound of a fife and drum, Snagglepuss announced, "There's the signal. Good luck, and have a wheelie good time, chuckle chuckle."
And they're off. Hokey navigates the footbridge from the welcome center and manages to stay upright after a howling turn at the church. Tinker started off strong, but he appears to be slowing down now.
"What did you expect, I'm not Speed Buggy," Tinker deadpanned.
And Daisy seems to be making a run on first place for the Rottens. With Sooey in the wheelbarrow, she has the advantage of wheeling the lightest load of any time.
Sooey oinked frantically upon hearing the announcement.
"Pay no attention to that guy, Sooey," Daisy replied. "He doesn't know nothin'."
Sooey oinked louder.
"OK, OK. I'll fatten you up when we get home. Happy now?"
As our teams reach the archaeology museum, the Rottens take over the lead!
For a change, the Rottens actually cheered to learn Daisy and Sooey had the lead.
Hokey and Augie have the Yogis in a close second while Tinker toils away in third place.
"Well, golly! I need to get going and get the lead out," Tinker replied. He reached into his pocket and tossed out a pencil.
Hey, Tinker, pencils don't use lead anymore.
"Still, it pays to get rid of the dead weight."
The Rottens extend their lead as they pass the Dale House Cafe. The Yogis continue to hold onto second place while Tinker frantically tries to catch up.
Hong Kong Phooey karate-chopped the air and spoke in mock Japanese.
"I wish he wouldn't do that, I have no idea if he's encouraging me or insulting me," Tinker said.
Daisy makes her way through part of the original 1607 fort and … what's this? She struck a rock and both she and Sooey are airborne!
As Daisy let out a loud, "yahoo," Sooey grunted frantically. As they landed, Daisy ended up in the wheelbarrow and Sooey did his best to push her the rest of the way.
Incredible! If this was an acrobatic event, The Rottens may have received bonus points. In the meantime, the Yogis have taken the lead down the stretch. And, the Scoobies have closed the gap with the Rottens to make the race for second place more interesting.
"C'mon, Sooey, push, you pudgy little pig!" Daisy implored him.
Sooey responded with his own angry oinks.
As we wait at the finish line, it's Hokey and Augie for the Yogis!
The rest of their teammates cheered loudly to hear they had won the race.
In second, we the Rottens finishing a split-second ahead of Tinker and Hong Kong from the Scoobies.
The Rottens howled and rained down their usual cat calls.
"I have a question, an inquiry even," Snagglepuss said. "Can the Really Rottens really trade positions mid-race?"
The judges rule there was no attempt to cheat, therefore the Rottens will not be disqualified.
"That's the first thing that went right for us all day," Daisy lamented.
With that out of the way, let's update the scoreboard. The Yogis are in the lead with 25 points. The Rottens get second with 15, and the Scoobies find themselves last with 10 points. But that could quickly change with our next event.
"I'm here in Norfolk with everyone else—unfortunately—for our next event: the super submarine race," Mildew told the audience.
"And to make the competition more fierce—and more competitive even—we have a special prize for the winners: 15 submarine sandwiches, one for each team member," Snagglepuss added.
The majority of the competitors cheered.
"For the Yogis, we have Mr. Jinks with Pixie and Dixie."
"We'll win underseas with the power of meese," Mr. Jinx stated.
"For the Scoobies, we have the Teen Angels Taffy, Brenda, and Dee Dee."
Captain Caveman and the rest of the Scoobies offered supportive cheers.
"And for the Rottens, we have the Creepley family."
"We'll show everyone how it's done, darling," Mrs. Creepley promised in her sultry voice.
Our course is a mostly-circular path designated by buoys. After making a full circuit inside the mouth of Chesapeake Bay, teams will return to the starting line for their finish. Standard scoring rules apply, so good luck.
As Mildew blew a fog horn, Snagglepuss said, "There's the signal. Submerge, and good luck even."
All three teams secured their hatches and raised their periscopes as required; this allowed everyone to know who was where at any given time.
The Yogis are off to a quick start and the lead with the Rottens and Scoobies close behind.
"All right, you meeses, full steam ahead!" Mr. Jinx commanded.
"Do you think we should do it, Pixie?" Dixie asked.
"I think you should. You heard him, Dixie."
Both Pixie and Dixie strained as they worked together to move the speed switch to the 'Full' position.
Elsewhere, the Rottens did their best to take over first place.
"OK, Junior, activate the turbo powered ultra charged engine," Mr. Creepley stated.
"Right, dad," Junior replied. He pressed a button, but the Rottens' sub responded by sputtering while the lights flickered.
"Was that supposed to happen, darling?" Mrs. Creepley asked her husband.
"I wanted to go faster, not slower," Mr. Creepley told her.
"Boy, this really is rotten."
Halfway through the course, the Yogis continue to lead while the Scoobies are neck and neck with them... or is that periscope and periscope. For some reason, the Rottens' sub is sputtering far behind. Obviously, they aren't cheating this round.
In the Scoobies' sub, the Teen Angels scoped out their competition.
"Look, Taffy," Brenda said, "There they are. We can get em if we punch it."
"I tried that and almost broke my hand," Taffy replied.
"No, silly! We need to go as fast as we can and try to pass the Yogis."
"Oh, why didn't you say so?"
Brenda face palmed as Taffy sped up the engines. Despite making an awful noise that scared the teen angels, nothing bad happened as they continued to gain ground on the Yogis.
We're in the home stretch and the Rottens are slower than a rowboat in a tar pit. But, back to the action, we have the Yogis and the Scoobies too close to call. And there's the finish! It's … the Yogis, or is it the Scoobies? Or is it a rare tie?
"Don't worry, we'll use the super duper seaway replay system—in slow motion even," Snagglepuss interjected.
As we check the reply, the Scoobies narrowly cross the finish line less than a tenth of a second in front of the Yogis.
The rest of the Scoobies cheered loudly at the news.
"I hate those meeses to pieces!" Mr. Jinx shouted, upset with the narrow loss.
"We better run, Dixie," Pixie stated.
"I agree. Let's get out of here, Pixie."
"And for your win, I'm pleased to award the 15 submarine sandwiches to the Scoobies. But no fair eating them all yourselves. Share them with everyone," Mildew told Scooby and Shaggy.
"You mean these aren't just for the two of us?" Shaggy asked as Scooby licked his chops.
"I have no idea if he's serious. Let's just forget about that and check the scoreboard again."
Alright, Mildew, the Scoobies get 25 points for their fantastic first place finish and move up to 35. The Yogis' 15 points keeps them in first place with 40. The Rottens get ten points for third place and stay in the cellar with 25.
"Brack!" the Magic Rabbit uttered.
"That's the first half of our show. We hope you join us for the rest of our exciting events," Snagglepuss stated.
Welcome to the second half of the All-Star Laff-A-Lympics. Join us in Sydney for the veritable Vegemite Eating Contest and a fabulous round of Australian Rules Football.
When we left Virginia, the Yogis held a narrow 40-35 lead over the Scoobies with the Rottens slightly behind at 25 points. We now take you back to Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf as the competition continues.
"Greetings and Salutations, once again," Snagglepuss told everyone. "We're here in spectacular Sydney for our next exciting event."
"I don't think we've ever done anything like this before, Snag," Mildew added. "We'll be having a Vegemite eating contest. All teams will be given a fixed amount of time to eat as much of this weird stuff as possible. The contestant eating the most is declared the winner, but anyone that leaves or throws up before the event ends is disqualified."
"Let's meet our courageous contestants. For the Yogis, we have the giant gastronome, Grape Ape."
Grape Ape briefly doffed his cap to the cheering audience.
"For the Scoobies, we have Shaggy."
"There's nothing I wouldn't eat to win a medal, right Scoob?" Shaggy asked.
Scooby nodded and licked his chops.
"And, for the Rottens, we have Dinky Dalton."
"When I'm through, I'll eat all my Vegemite, and eat what's left from the other guys, too."
"The thought of that is creepier than the Creepleys on Halloween," Mildew said nervously.
"Luckily all we have to do is observe and report, Mildew."
At the sound of a didgeridoo, Snagglepuss stated, "There's the staring signal, dig in!"
As the event starts, Grape Ape is gobbling up the Vegemite like its nothing. And, Dinky Dalton's appetite for victory is anything but as he devours what's on his plate. At the other seat, Shaggy is in third place, but he's slowly but surely making progress and overtaking the leaders. He's really on a roll now!
"Please, don't say 'roll' when I'm eating this stuff," Shaggy stated.
"Umm, sorry. As we check our real-time display, it registers how many kilograms of Vegemite each contestant has ingested. This is amazing; Grape Ape held on to the early lead, but he's slowed down.
"Tastes … awful," Grape Ape said as he stopped to catch his breath.
Shaggy continues to keep the lead, but he stops and gets up from the table. He runs off, and will be disqualified. That's a shame because he had a big lead over everyone else.
As time ran out, Mildew said, "Let's check the final standings. Had Shaggy not thrown up, he finished 3.746 kilograms [1.702 lb] of Vegemite. Not bad. Too bad it doesn't count, though."
"Sorry, Scoob. I tried. I guess I finally found something that disagrees with my stomach. Too bad it wasn't Scooby Snacks," Shaggy lamented.
"I'm here with our other teams, Mildew," Snagglepuss stated. "And it was close. Dinky Dalton polished off 3.031 kilograms [1.378 lb] of Vegemite and Grape Ape somehow managed to eat 2.634 kilograms [1.197 lb]. So the Rottens narrowly take first place."
The rest of the Rottens looked at each other with surprise and then howled at the announcement.
The Really Rottens get 25 points and move up to 50 on the day. The Yogis get 15 for second, and keep first place with 55 points. The Scoobies get no points for their disqualification and stay at 35.
Scooby gave a disappointed sigh at the announcement.
"I'm here at the Sydney Cricket Ground, home of the Sydney Swans, for our final event: Australian Rules Football. To make things more interesting, we're doubling the points, even!" Snagglepuss exclaimed.
News of the bonus excited all three teams.
"I don't know if this is good or bad, Snag, but this event features all 15 players from each team, so everyone has a chance to determine the winner," Mildew replied.
"Yes indeed. Indeed, they do. The first team to score receives first place. And the next team to score will take second. Remember: no cheating because the penalties are doubled, too."
With all the Rottens assembled on the field, they didn't have a chance to complain.
The team captains will take to the center circle for our unusual ball-up.
Snagglepuss waited for the opening horn before bouncing the ball on the ground inside the center circle.
And Yogi comes up with the ball and taps it over to Wally Gator.
Mumbly, despite losing the ball-up, snickered.
Wally ran with the ball, being pursued by players from both teams. Before he could do anything else, Hong Kong Phooey tackled him.
With Wally relinquishing the ball, Captain Caveman uses his club to strike it downfield where it's caught … by Orful Octopus!
Orful run down the field, occasionally bouncing the ball to ground before advancing further. As he reached the 50 meter line [164 feet], he attempted to kick the ball. Unfortunately, he missed both the goal posts and the behind posts.
Too bad, Orful's scoring attempt was way off. Grape Ape will kick the ball back into play.
As the ball descended, Yakky Doodle froze and look at it.
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy," He stated.
The ball landed on top of Yakky, evoking a loud quack of pain.
Blue Falcon kicks the ball over to Dee Dee Sykes, who hand passes it over to Babu. Babu kicks the ball and bounces between several players and lands in front of Dynomutt.
"Hey, BF buddy, watch this," he said.
Dynomutt used his right front paw to push the ball forward. Although it looked like it was going to score, it bounced off a goal post. Everyone looked on in confusion to hear cheering. The goal judge held one hand forward at elbow height.
Dynomutt has scored a behind for the Scoobies. They will finish first and leave the field so that the Scoobies and Rottens can vie for second place.
"Good job, Dog Wonder. I knew you could be useful when you wanted to," Blue Falcon stated.
Dynomutt responded with a silly giggle.
Meanwhile, Grape Ape and Dinky Dalton square off for the next ball-up. Dinky bats the ball over to Daisy Mayhem.
Sooey oinked excitedly.
"Not now, Sooey, we got a game to finish!" Daisy replied.
Daisy hand-passed the ball to Mr. Creepley who kicked it down the field. Despite Doggy Daddy's best ever to make a mark, Fondoo caught the ball.
"Imagine that, and I didn't even need my magic," he said.
"Brack!" the magic rabbit replied.
Fondoo opted to take a kick from the spot where he caught the ball. Cindy Bear did her best to bat the ball away, but Junior Creepley tapped it across the goal line. Everyone cheered loudly as the goal judge held both hands at elbow height.
The Rottens earn second place for their goal. The Yogis finish in third place.
"Wow, Mildew, that was an exciting game," Snagglepuss said.
"You're telling me. I didn't know if they were playing soccer, rugby, football, or basketball—or all of them at once," Mildew replied.
"While you sort out your sports, let's see who the big winner was."
The Scoobies got 50 points for their win, giving them 85. The Rottens, with 30 points for second, move up to 80. Finally, the Yogis get 20 points for third and finish with 75. That makes the Scoobies the gold medal winners in the closest competition of the season!
Scooby and the rest of his teammates cheered loudly.
At the podium, Speed Buggy accepted the Scoobies' gold medal. Dread Baron grinned as he wore the Rottens' silver medal. Finally, Quick Draw McGraw waved to crowed upon receiving the Yogis' bronze medal.
"That's our competition, everyone. It's the end of the games, even," Snagglepuss said.
"I can hardly wait to see where we go next time," Mildew replied.
"Tune in next time for another exciting episode of Laff-A-Lympics. Even Mildew will join us."
"I can hardly wait. My heart is all a quiver."
Mock Social Media Update
Official LAL Bogus Chirper Feed – Scoobies come from behind to eke out today's #Laff-A-Lympics gold medal.
Scooby Doobies FacePlace Account – Scooby is howling in victory after we edged out the Really Rottens today.
Really Rottens Stumbler Account – Second place wasn't bad. I can't believe I just said that.
Updated Team Standings
Yogi Yahooeys, 3, 1, 1, 410
Scooby Doobies, 2, 2, 1, 415
Really Rottens, 1, 2, 2, 275
