(Addicted-Enrique Ingl)
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know
is you're the only reason I'm trying.~
Define Addiction.
What is an addiction? According to Webster's dictionary, an addiction is defined as: "the condition of being addicted (to a habit) or of being an addict; specifically, the habitual use of narcotic drugs.."
"Sean?"
He snapped out of reading, looking up to see Emma waking up, the sun shining in her apartment the next morning
He had not slept. He was on her lap top, looking things up, trying to find ways to help her. He had even googled the definition of addiction. He was desperate. Sue him.
He quickly shut it, before standing up to watch her sit up sleepily in her bed. She could still barely look at him though and looked down at her hands that she rested in her lap. A replay of last night replayed in her head.
"Are you going to tell anyone?" she whispered.
He closed his eyes and sighed, "I don't know what to do, Emma."
She looked up, so puppy like and innocent as eyed at him, it killed him. She nodded though, understanding and then got up from bed, still in her dress from last night.
"I'm going to shower." she snickered half bitterly, half truly humorously, "I'm going to need it if I'm going to spend the next three days-" she paused, "Dying."
She promised him last night she'd go through the withdrawal, and try to fight the addiction. He read up on it, and he knew she was going to need him, even if she insisted she didn't want him to stay. It had a strong effects, and kept people sick for days.
He had even taken work off the next three days to stay here. And when she was gone to go get ready, he picked up the coke bottle by the vent, and dumped it in the sink, watching in slow motion as the water from the sink took it away.
((**))
That night, Emma bit her nails as she sat on her apartment floor. Sean was in the kitchen, getting the pizza he had ordered.
Emma scoffed and said with an annoyed tone, "Sean, I'm really not hungry. Please just go. I need to do this by myself."
He came back over, two plates with pizza. "No way, I'm staying."
Emma's blood boiled. "This isn't some dinner and a show. Just leave!"
He answered by biting into his pizza, and shoving a plate toward her which just made her blood boil more and her stomach turn with anger and disgust by the food. Sean just looked at her softly, and leaned back comfortably.
He wasn't going anywhere.
I'm wasted away.
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?oh yeah
There's a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you're not here,oh
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.~
((**))
"Sean, just go!" Emma shouted from her empty bedroom late that night, after midnight, and outside her windows was a rainstorm.
Her walls echoed since the apartment was still bare and she walked back and forth in it, her arms crossed and quite frustrated. Sounds of thunder crackled around her apartment building, the rain hitting the windows harder.
Why wouldn't he go?! She didn't want him here!
She had locked herself in her room, just wanting him to go and was starting to feel the ache, the need. God she'd even just rather Manny be here! She even insisted he go and get her, but he didn't. He was driving her mad.
Or maybe, that was the urge.
She whiped her tears and leaned on the wall; hoping he had left. Sean though, stood on the other side of the door, sadness in his eyes but not leaving.
"I'm not leaving." he said sternly.
((((**)))
Emma was getting sick in her bedroom bathroom that next morning. It was only 6am, and she was already feeling her body feel torn in half. Thank god it was away from Sean, she didn't want him to see her like this.
Her insides were turning, her nose hurt, and she was shaking with need. A beautiful girl like her, hung over a toilet, waiting for the next time the urge to puke came back. She wore a long white tank top, and her black yoga pants. No make up on today, and hair up in a messy bun.
The fact she wasn't eating, made her dizzy each time she vomited too. It made her think about that situation as well. Why was she basically killing herself?
Upon hearing her slight gags and groans, Sean had broken open the door that got into her bedroom, but before he could open the door to the bathroom, Emma got up quick and locked it, leaning against it
"Don't come in!" she panted a little.
"Emma, what's wrong?" he panicked.
Emma clenched her teeth, shutting her eyes and tried to stop crying. "Just don't come in. Okay?"
A moment of silence. "Fine. But I'm staying right here."
Emma rolled her eyes. She didn't think he'd leave anyways... This was so fucking awful.
She leaned on the door more as she slid down it to sit on the floor on her butt. From the other side, Sean did too, and he leaned his head back on the wall, closing his eyes.
(((***)))
By lunch that day, Emma was lying on her back, on her cold bathroom floor, her arms craddling her stomach and forehead drenched with sweat like it had been the last 10 hours. She wasfinally drifting to sleep. She was so exhausted, everything just hurt.
An addiction always ends up the same way, she thought. No matter what drug or activity it is. Coke, not eating, even heroine...Whether it's spending money, gluttony, pain, drugs, sex, or alcohol…it takes over your life.
Like a shadow that follows you everywhere you go, refusing to leave. Instead of you controlling it, it begins to control you. And you are left helpless and alone in a dark room, cold, and curled up in a ball, lost in your crazy mind.
Emma crawled up after that thought, and decided it was time to let Sean in. She needed him. She needed help.
Sean was on her bed when she opened the door, and he was half asleep, but ears on the 'hear-out'. His head snapped up, and his eyes opened as soon as he heard the floor creak and Emma had come walking over.
She looked exhausted, flushed, and she just crawled in beside him. He sucked in a breath, but softened and exhaled deeply, watching her just get comfy beside him, curling into a ball.
He knew they weren't dating, weren't anything like that, even if he wanted to be but he still laid back down closer to her and pulled her into his arms. He held her so tight, so lovingly, and she shut her eyes, and shut them tighter as a tear slid.
"I don't know if I can fight this." she cried.
His arms tightening around her. "You can. And you will."
She thought again as they both finally shut their tired, blood shot eyes to sleep.
An addiction changes your life. You just need the right push to stop. Hello. My name is Emma, and I am a cocaine addict.
(((((***))))
Maybe I'm addicted.
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know
is you're the only reason I'm trying.
When you're lying next to me
love is going through to me.
Oh, it's beautiful,oh yeah
Everything is clear to me
'til I hit reality
and I lose it all.
I lose it all.
I lose it all.
I lose it all.
Nah nah nah nah nah nah.
Nah nah nah nah nah nah.
(((**)))
The next morning, Sean fluttered his eyes open, to blink a few times and grin a little. Emma laid next to him, the birds were chirping loudly on a beautiful day like today, and she was already awake and looking back at him, smiling a bit too.
She looked breath taking. Naturally beautiful. The freckles she hid with make up, peaked out on her nose. Her eyes weren't red anymore, but clear and soft, his favorite color hazel. She had a little more color to her skin.
"I'm hungry." she admitted. And for once, she was telling the truth.
Sean had at least told Manny about what had happened, and she too told him about Emma's ways of not eating; so he was more than stunned and beyond happy when she said that. He smiled more and stretched before getting up.
"Finally." he teased, taking her hand and helping her up. She stumbled a bit, still a little weak, but his strong arms caught her and balanced her.
She looked up at him under her eyelashes, and he swallowed down the temptation to kiss her as they glanced back at another.
"Get ready." he said, going to the kitchen and putting the sink on. He had to splash water on his face, to wake up, and to snap out of it.
You were going to kiss her, weren't you, you idiot!? She's going through shit. He thought. How the hell do you know if she even wants you to kiss her? She doesn't owe you anything for this.
"I'm ready." Emma announced, coming out of her room as Sean now leaned on her wall by the living room window, looking out for the view.
He turned, his heart stopping. As good as she looked with her designer clothes, and dresses, he liked this Emma too. He adored her. She wore a simple no name brand pair of tight blue jeans, and a over sized fitted long sleeve shirt that fell slightly off one shoulder. She left her hair slightly damp from her shower, just letting it air dry to it's wavy natural state. No make up...she didn't need it anyways.
He snapped out of it and grabbed his keys. "Lets go then."
(((((******)))))))
Manny stared with wide, amused eyes as Emma ate everything on her plate. The toast, the side of eggs, and fruit. Even the orange juice with sugar she drank all of.
They sat at the Dot.
"What?" Emma asked, putting down her drink. She had more color in her skin now.
Manny smiled sadly, but happily too. "You know what."
Emma just shrugged but smiled softly as well."I'm taking it slow. One step at a time."
"Taking it slow with your issues ? Or with Sean?" smirked Manny. She had at first been weary of Emma and Sean falling for another again, knowing how messy it got sometimes, but now she was so on board, wondering why she even questioned Sean for her best friend. He was the one guy who cared about Emma more than any other guy she'd been with.
Sean would drop everything for her.
Emma blushed madly, and the girls shut up when the guys came back from the washroom.
This would be the time Sean would worry about going back to work, and leaving Emma alone. Now Jay and Manny would offer to 'watch' Emma like she was some baby.
She frowned, but let it slide as she nodded and picked her glass of orange juice back up.
(((**))))
"Emma just open the door!" Manny yelled, and Jay banged his fist on the door.
Emma now had furniture in her apartment, the movers all brought it today, and Jay and Manny helped her move it all in. It had been a good day, and then suddenly, it wasn't.
Emma locked herself in her room, crying in her bedsheets, clenching her teeth and trying to fight the urge of need for you know what.
"I thought it was over?!" hissed Jay outside the door, reaching for his cell phone. "Should I call Sean?"
"This kind of thing doesn't just stop, Jay. She's going to be fighting it for a while." Manny snapped back, and ripped the phone out of his hand. "Sean's barely slept, and has watched her for three days straight. Lets give him a break."
Jay gave her a knowing look, "He'd want to know."
"He's not her boyfriend!"
"Yet." Jay said with a snort. Manny huffed but sighed. He was right. Sean needed to know but they'd wait for his 'shift' to tell him. Right now, he needed a break.
From inside, Emma was loathing what this drug was doing to her, what SHE did to herself. You didn't know hate until you truly hated yourself.
((**))
The weeks went on like that. Sean would stay a few days with Emma, more if he could, sleeping on the couch. Manny and Jay would do one or two nights, and Liberty and Jt came once a week, they made her laugh. But still, Emma would have her really good, or really bad days.
By almost the third week though, it was nothing but good.. even on a stormy day
Emma stared at herself in the mirror after a late shower. She still wasn't okay with her reflection, but she was trying not to yell insults at herself so..that was a plus. "Hey...you." she muttered back to her herself.
She got dressed, in nothing but a long white t-shirt that use to be Snakes and it barely covered her ass as she rolled up her lacey black panties. It was like her pajama's. She'd be ready for bed now, put on a scary movie to go with the wild winds and rain storm out her window. Also if it weren't for Sean cooking a late dinner out in the kitchen. It smelt good, oddly, since she didn't know he could cook.
When she came out of her room, in nothing but that large shirt, Sean had glanced over from making dinner, and his mouth parted when his eyes fell upon her and she moved closer, and closer.
He slept on the couch now in her living room, since her bed was now in her bedroom. She had a nice tv, and had all her own furniture and silverware now. Sean had even fixed her sink- which had been a hard day, since he did it shirtless. Jerk.
"Uh," he turned around, to stop staring so hard. He furrowed his eyebrows, having trouble focusing on cooking now. "Hungry?"
"Starving." she admitted, going to the couch and sitting on it. Now the shirt really barely covered her ass and when Sean turned, he turned straight back around and clenched the kitchen counter hard.
Thunder struck and Emma watched the rain pour out the window.
Meanwhile, Sean twitched, and he throbbed, and god was he sick? Emma trusted him, and he was only here to take care of her, not be a perv and get worked up by her showing off a little bit of skin. What was he? 12 years old?! She was just a girl.
No, She's Emma.
"You okay?" he heard Emma ask from behind him. What he didn't notice, was her smirking softly.
He cleared his throat and made them each a plate to eat. He wore his jeans and wife beater, bandana in his back pocket.
"Yea." he lied, "Work was really busy today. I'm just tired."
"Can I go back to work yet?" She asked curiously, getting up to follow him to the dining room.
He brought the food to the dining room, to a wood table and glanced at her as she sat down where he placed her plate from across him.
"Um, do you think you should?"
"I need to get out of the house." Emma begged, looking up at him with those eyes of hers. She then got lost looking at him, her heart pounding. God, she was so stuck in love with him, it was ridiculous.
She stared at him, at his perfect body, made chiseled and hard by all those hours at the gym, and only a thin material shirt on top of it , and she knew what was going to happen. One day, probably soon, maybe when she was 'fixed', he'd tell her they were just friends, but her 'crush' on him was cute; like old times. And he was only trying to help her. And that he probably only went out with cool girls, prettier girls, bad girls, or any girls who didn't have drug or body issues.
That was Emma's thoughts right now in a nut shell.
He was too good for her. Why would a guy like Sean, want her?
"I'll think about it." Sean said, showing off a small smirk when she glared at him. Damn him . He went to pick up his fork for it to fall "Damn," he muttered and bent down.
It landed by Emma's feet, and she sucked in a breath when he walked over and he bent down right by her feet. Emma tucked her feet more under her chair, as if afraid of him. He noticed, and slowly blinked, grabbing the fork on the floor.
He then glanced up slowly, and Emma's body got tense, and she couldn't ignore it anymore. She looked back down at him, wearily until she softened.
"Why are you doing all this?" she whispered. He was staying with her, after just basically 'curing' her, and now cooking for her, staying all through the night with her. Why? Why couldn't he just go? He was making it really hard on her.
...was she that delusional?
He looked at her, and his face turned from hesitant, to stern.. "You know why."
She looked confused for a second too until she tried to believe what he was silently telling her. But why? Still? After all these years? She thought they were over; but they were never ever really over.
He was bent eye level with her, crouching on his knees, "You've always been the girl for me, Emma. I've always felt like the guy for you too.. we were just always on different paths..." He looked down, wondering if they were finally on the right path yet. Yes, she had a problem, but they were getting through it together.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. Cause he always felt like her one and only too. Guys didn't have the power Sean seemed to always have over her, nor could they compare to them. With Peter, she always tried to shut the back of her mind up that would time to time think about Sean Cameron.
Emma turned more towards him in her chair, and he dropped that damn fork as she cupped his face and leaned down and kissed him. It was soft at first, and loving, and he was kissing right back just as slowly, and he shut his eyes. He sighed breathlessly and started to kiss her more passionately. His hands ran up her smooth tanned legs, pushing her long shirt up her thighs just a little to hold her waist. She yelped but giggled when he then stood up, and picked her up during so. They ended up back on the table, her pressed back against him and him leaning over.
"Sean." Emma suddenly gasped, pushing her hands against his chest. "What about..her?"
Sean was panting, and his face bunched up with confusion as if to say, WHO!? Then remembered Ellie. Or Elsa. God, he couldn't keep up with his own lie. Guilt suddenly washed over him, but as he stared down at Emma, his fingers carressing her gold blonde hair.. . .he couldn't stop. Ellie didn't have what Emma did nor could make him feel the way she did.
"I want you." usually his response wouldn't be okay from another guy, but Emma took it. It was Sean. Plus, he wasn't the 'more than one girl' type. And he wasn't. He just uh, had to fix a few things over with Ellie when he got the chance. She didn't do so well with break ups.. no matter how many times they've done it. I mean, right now, she wanted him to think about marriage after he had just broken up with her!
He pushed Emma down, spread her legs, got on top of her and cupped her face, his eyes burning into hers. It was like he was almost angry, if not for the desire clear to be seen. He did not like to lose control, and he resented her power over him, that she's held over him for years... but this, finally having her, it was intoxicating and worth it and god he wanted to fuck her brains out.
Emma moaned a bit feeling the hard bulge in his pants press up against her middle core. They'd never gotten this far before; and it was exhilarating, exciting, hot. She was more turned on by the foreplay than she's ever gotten before with just sex with Peter, Kelly or any other sex that she had.
He stared into her eyes, fisted her hair, and just gave in to the violent passion tearing through his body. He leaned down and kissed her, thrusting his tongue deep into her mouth, and sucking hers into his own. He let his hands find her breasts, those perfect firm breasts that drove him wild, now panting and arching towards his hands.
Emma found herself reaching for his pants, desperately trying to find that button, tugging at them, and Sean couldn't take the wait any longer either, getting up off her again to stand up and she sat up on the table as he stripped and hungrily watched her take her oversized shirt off, baring the fact she only wore those lace panties and those globes of hers were bra-free, the perfect shape and size, bounced up once before he was already at her, kissing her, then her neck, and his hands groping her breasts masterfully.
She helped him rip his shirt off and he now stood in his boxers. His gym-toned body showed off, his abs clenching and he walked back up to her as she seductively helped him remove his boxers. He looked down at her as she gazed at the glorious sight of his huge, engorged cock when they pulled apart from kissing and pulling his boxers off together.
He teased quite confidently, "See something you like?"
"how come we never did this before?" she asked breathlessly, raising an eyebrow up at him. She should of known he'd have a good size. He put all her past to shame.
"Cause you always had a stick up your ass." he playfully joked, grinning as he kissed her again and grabbed her legs to pull her to the end of the table and wrap them around his waist as she too laughed.
"Stick up my ass or not, you still wanted me."
"Yeah." he admitted, his hands slowly gripping the sides of her thong and taking them slowly off. It was like torture to her."I like this version of us more though." he smirked up to her and she braced herself, gripping his shoulders. No need to be modest, she was already wet, and ready, and Sean was so hard it hurt. He needed to be in her, no time for other foreplay acts.
They both pulled anothers bodies closer, and Emma gasped sharply, feeling his member slid up her sensitive folds. "Sean"
"Ready?"
She nodded intently. He thrusted in, and Emma cried out, her fingers gripping into his biceps. Each time he thrusted forward and grunted, his abs clenched, and his body seized up..
"Fuck, you feel so good." he panted in her ear, and she kept whimpering for more, until the words that actually came out of her mouth, was insisting he fuck her harder, and a 'please'. His name falling from her lips also sounded like heaven.
Emma Nelson not only sleeping with him, but telling him to fuck her harder? Sean almost came right there and he passionately kissed her as he slowed his pace, but rammed harder into her deeper and slow, to the point she was sobbing in the most exotic way.
It was his deepest darkest secret, but he use to fantasize about Emma when younger, as in, when they broke up. Funny right? We all knew Sean was a year older than her, and the girls his age were starting to fool around with boys back then. But Emma, she was miss Virtue, a year younger, and she didn't get that Sean wanted more, nor did he know how to say it. Young Emma would gasp and push him away when anyone caught them even just making out before.
So when Sean got with Amy? And she introduced him to third base, blow jobs and all the teenage fun, you would think she was the girl he'd fantasize about for showing him 'the way' right?.. .. but he didn't, and he always often wondered about Emma while with Amy, and found himself missing her. It wasn't until Chris Sharpe that set Sean off inside, forgetting the fact that Emma would ofcourse date other people, that Sean knew he made a big mistake.
He use to imagine Emma and Chris doing the same thing he and Amy did, and it really use to get under his skin to the point he dumped Amy, and that's when thoughts of Emma doing those 'things' entered his head. She had come back to school that final year looking so damn hot too, all grown up. He had started to date Ellie then, and went as far as telling her to move in with him cause he was that desperate in trying to forget about Emma; because she seemed to be forgetting about him
With Ellie, it was okay, she was good, attractive, but not gorgeous, Not like the blonde girl who haunted his head. So they never slept together. They told other people they were 'waiting for the right time'. But that wasn't it. Sean knew it then, he knew it now.
And the second time around when him and Ellie tried to date again after college, when he himself even thought he had forgotten about Emma, he had actually done something that he was sure Emma would giggle madly about now. Manny was always buying teen people, cosmo and Vanity magazines, and would leave them lying around the shop. And Emma, his old love Emma, would sometimes be on the covers. He remembered bringing it home, and you can guess what he did. Ellie had almost caught him, but never saw the magazine. It was sad to note the fact that masturbating to his ex on a magazine, was hotter than the sex with him and his current girl friend..
So that was his big secret.
"SEAN!" Emma gasped and was coming for the second time, and he was ready to explode inside of her.
It became fast, urgent, and unstoppable. Emma's nailed raked down Sean's back, and neither of them prepared for the intensity of it and neither of them could be in control.
It was coming, the climax, and they knew it was going to be big; quite possibly the biggest they've had, knowing it was because it was with another. With the person they had wanted, looked at, imagined, and desired for so long.
Outside the room windows, thunder struck again and the lights went out, but they didn't care; they continued but slowed down, stared at another, and made love.
He shook, and she trembled. She fell slowly back lying on the table, not being able to take it much longer and he went back laying over her. He kissed everywhere around her chest and shoulders. They clutched at each other in need, sweating and moaning, and Emma finally bucked her hips, feeling him groan and come inside her.
It was the perfect storm.
AUTHOR NOTE : REVIEWS ! EEEEK, how hot. Hehe. I wish they stayed together on the show, I hate Archie aka the new writer of Degrassi for doing that to Semma. Everyone knew they were end game. Anyways REVIEW! ANyone have thoughts on how Sean can break it off with Ellie ?
