Hello, and welcome to an all-African episode of Laff-A-Lympics. We'll get our competition off and running in Rwanda and cap it off with exciting events in Egypt.
With our season-ending playoffs fast approaching, teams will undoubtedly battle hard. Watch as the Yogi Yahooeys, the Scooby Doobies, and the Really Rottens compete for yet another Laff-A-Lympics Gold Medal.
And now, let's go to our on-the-spot commentators: Mildew Wolf and Snagglepuss.
"Thanks," Mildew replied. "We're here in Kigali for our opening event. I don't think we've ever done mountain biking before, but you can bet our teams will want to climb their way to victory. "
"Now that was a good one," Snagglepuss told the audience. "Let's meet our brave bikers and get started, shall we? For the Yogis, Boo Boo Bear will be their bicyclist."
As Boo Boo adjusted his helmet, the rest of his teammates cheered.
"For the Scoobies, we have Babu."
"I've ridden magic carpets, but never a mountain bike. It can't be too hard, huh?" Babu asked.
"We all have our challenges. Finally, we have Dread Baron for the Rottens."
"Racing is in my family's blood, you know. It's only natural I compete," Dread Baron replied.
Elsewhere, Mr. Creepley asked Mumbly, "What's the plan for this race?"
Mumbly showed Mr. Creepley a slip of paper and both laughed evilly.
"They certainly won't be expecting that."
As you see on our official course map, You'll be riding a hilly, rocky, winding course before finishing here at the starting line. As usual, teams will receive 25, 15, or 10 points for their finish. Remember, cheaters get penalized. Good luck.
As competitors and fans cheered, they heard the sound of drums.
"Either somebody is summoning fruit bats, or that's the starting signal. Please let it be the latter," Mildew said.
And with that, our crazy cyclers are off. That first turn was a doozy, but Babu leads after the turn as they reach the first ascent.
"This race is definitely no picnic," Boo Boo said.
Behind Boo Boo, Dread Baron sneered.
"I won't be in last place too long, not if Creepley kept his promise."
As we go down the hill and back up again, we have the Yogis taking the lead with The Scoobies ahead of the Rottens by half a bike length.
"OK, now it's time," Dread Baron said. He pressed a button concealed inside his handlebars and the bike suddenly sped off.
Wow, it's almost as if the Rottens caught a second wind. They have a bit of a lead through the third turn as they make their way to the home stretch. Babu is peddling frantically to catch up, and Boo Boo is doing his best to keep up.
"I'll beat those Really Rottens, if it's the last thing I do!" Babu exclaimed. "Yapple dapple!"
After a flash of light, the tires on Babu's bike grew thicker studs to give him more traction.
"I didn't even want to do that. I guess I'm stuck to my words, huh?"
It appears the Rottens may win the opening event, but what's happened here, they're slowing down?
"Drat and double drat!" Dread Baron yelled. His bike hit a large rock. Combined with the bike's momentum, it popped a hole in the front tire.
Dread Baron gnashed his teeth as Babu rode past him and crossed the finish line first. However, Dread still managed to coast across the finish line in second place. He felt please to know he finished ahead of Boo Boo, fulfilling his team goal of being a spoiler.
With our first event completed, let's update the scoreboard. Babu's win gives the Scoobies 25 important points. Dread Baron earned 15 points for the Rottens. And the Yogis settle for 10 points.
"Welcome to the stadium for our next event that combines two into one. We've already done bowling, but not quite like this," Snagglepuss told everyone.
Everyone in the stadium cheered loudly.
"Today, one contestant from each team will throw their shot put for not only the farthest distance, but to see how many pins they knock down. Each pin will add six inches [15.24 cm] to their throw. Any contestant knocking down all ten pins gets a five point bonus added to the team score."
All 45 contestants cheered after hearing the last statement.
"Let's go ahead and meet our shot put superstars. For the Yogis, we have Quick Draw McGraw."
"If I'm not the fastest shot putter in Rwanda, then my name isn't Quick Draw McGraw."
"It's always good to know who are you at all times, good indeed. For the Scoobies, we have the Blue Falcon."
"You're the big favorite, B.F!" Dynomutt called out.
"Oh, how I wonder about you, Dog Wonder. Still, I hope to do another admirable job with this athletic endeavor," Blue Falcon replied.
"And for the Rottens, we have Dirty Dalton."
"I may be mighty small, but I'm still mighty enough to win this shot put event," Dirty promised.
"We'll get our answer soon, soon enough indeed," Snagglepuss answered. "Let's get started, shall we?"
First up is Quick Draw for the Yogis.
Quick Draw did his best to imitate a real shot putter. He twirled around a few times before letting the put fly through the air. It knocked over seven pins before stopping.
The Yogis shout put went 56 feet, 8.6 inches [17.29 m] The seven pins adds three and a half feet [1.07 m] for and end result of 60 feet, 2.6 inches [18.35 m]*.
The rest of the Yogis and fans cheered for Quick Draw. With two more contestants, he'd have to wait to see if his distance would hold up.
The Blue Falcon went next. He spun around a few times and launched his shot with near-perfect form. Fans cheered to see it knock over eight pins and roll well past the Yogis' mark.
The Scoobies have a distance of 65 feet, 4.5 inches [19.92 m]. The eight pins adds four more feet [1.22 m] for a final score of 69 feet, 4.5 inches. [21.15 m].
The fans gave the Blue Falcon a standing ovation while the rest of the Scoobies cheered wildly. Still, everyone remained mindful the Rottens had yet to throw. Would they win? More importantly, would they cheat?
Dirty Dalton did his best to spin around and launch the shot. Unfortunately, the throw was off-center and only knocked down one bowling pin. However, it continued to roll past the Yogis' mark—giving the Rottens guarded optimism. However, the shot stopped a little short of the Scoobies' shot.
The Rottens's distance is 63 feet, 3.5 inches [19.29 m]. They get six more inches [0.15 m] for their one pin knocked down for a final distance of 63 feet, 9.5 inches [19.44 m]. This means that Blue Falcon has won the shot put bowling contest for the Scooby Doobies.
Nearly everyone applauded and cheered. The Rottens groaned, yet they took pride in their role as spoilers.
"I knew we should have tried cheating here. We could have won easily," Dread Baron said.
Mumbly snickered.
Here are the standings after wrapping up our Rwandan competition. The Scoobies got 25 points to move up to 50. The Rottens earned 15 more points with a sporting effort to go to 30. And the Yogis remain stuck in the cellar; 10 more points here only gives them 20.
"Well, Snag, that wasn't so bad," Mildew said.
"Definitely not, Mildew. It was good, even. So, sports fans, follow us up the Nile as we get ready for more exciting events in the extraordinary country of Egypt," Snagglepuss replied.
"And watch us with a friend—or even your mummy."
"Remember, save the puns for the experts, you may laugh so hard you end up wrapped up in bandages. Chuckle chuckle."
And on that note, join us for the second half of our All-Star Laff-A-Lympics.
Elsewhere, however, Dread Baron pulled out his smart phone.
"Hey, we got an inquiry on our Stumbler Account," he said.
Are you going to win at all costs, or are you going to play like a bunch of wimps? – DDRacer1968
"Don't worry, whoever you are, you won't be disappointed when you see us compete in our next events," Dread promised.
Welcome back for the second half of our exciting Egyptian events. Join our players as they compete on both land and water for today's Laff-A-Lympics Gold Medal.
When we left Rwanda, The Scoobies held the lead with 50 points. The Rottens took second place with 30, and the Yogis currently have just 20 points. But as you know, anything can happen, so let's get back to the action.
"And here were are with our opening event: the 25 pyramid marathon," Snagglepuss announced. "Each team will travel up and down 25 pyramids as a test of stamina and endurance. Sadly, though, we can't give you any bonus money or prizes apart from the usual 25 points for a win."
"Over here, I'm with our contestants who either volunteered for this race or have no idea what they've gotten themselves into. We have Cindy Bear running for the Yogis. Cindy, do you think you can run this race?" Mildew asked.
"Of course I can, Mildew," Cindy answered, "If Yogi and I can run away from park rangers, we can run anywhere."
"I can't argue with that logic, so let's move over here. We've got Captain Caveman for the Scoobies. How did you manage to offer to run this race?"
Captain Caveman grunted unintelligibly before replying, "Everybody else too scared."
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me."
After a fearful gulp, Mildew added, "And now we have Dinky Dalton preparing to run for the Rottens. You really plan to run this race."
"Why not, Mildred? I'm so big I'll need fewer steps to run to victory," Dinky told the viewing audience.
"These interviews get weirder every time. I can't wait until these games are over and I can retire again."
At the sound of a trumpet fanfare, Snagglepuss said, "Get racing, and may the best team win!"
Look at them go. Dinky Dalton has the early advantage running on solid ground, but it appears he's having trouble scaling the first pyramid. This gives Cindy and Captain Caveman the chance to pass him up and move on to the next pyramid.
"I need to catch up fast," Dinky said.
He jumped over the pyramid's apex and slide down the other side.
"Whee!" This is fun.
For time constraints, the broadcast skipped over most of the race, showing brief clips of the racers at various in-between points, before providing coverage of the finish.
Sports fans, we've had a neck and neck race between Cindy and Captain Caveman with the last pyramid and finish line in sight. Dinky has slowly caught up again, but it might be too little, too late.
"That's what they think," Dinky said.
He pressed a button hidden on his belt buckle and small jets came out of his boots to give him a boost to the final pyramid. He pressed the button again, and roller skate-like wheels popped out to help him speedily scale the final pyramid.
"Here I gooo!" he called out as he crossed the apex and began his final descent.
This is incredible. Out of nowhere, Dinky Dalton has not only scaled the final pyramid, but he's taken the lead, leaving the Yogis and the Scoobies in his dust!
"I'm not giving up!" Cindy exclaimed as she ran as fast as she could.
Behind her, Captain Caveman pulled his face out of the dirt. Although he successfully scaled the final pyramid, he fell face first into the desert sand.
"Captain Cave-man!" he screamed as he activated one of his favorite club gadgets: a built-in propeller.
Fortunately for Cindy, she crossed the finish line just ahead of Captain Caveman. A few seconds later, the latter crashed into a tree.
"Uhh, me need air brakes," he mumbled.
That's our race. It looks like Dinky Dalton has the rare win for the Really Rottens.
"Not so fast, pal. We need to check this over to make sure there was no funny business going on," Mildew stated firmly, much to the Rottens' chagrin.
Fair enough, let's review the tape. As you can see here, Dinky's speedy catching up was due to rocket jets in his boots!
Most of the Rottens booed at getting caught. Dread Baron, however, had a different opinion.
"It's been a long time since they caught us cheating. I'm proud of you for doing what we do best," he said.
The Rottens are disqualified and will receive no points. Also, the judges have ruled the Captain Caveman committed an inadvertent cheat by using his club helicopter to help him catch up. That will result in a five-point deduction.
Captain Caveman growled in disgust.
With the penalties out of the way, let's update the scores. Cindy is the new winner, giving the Yogis 25 points and a total of 45. Captain Caveman gets 10 points for second, as opposed to the usual 15. The Scoobies hold onto the lead with 65. The Rottens get no points at all, so they move into the cellar with 30.
Snagglepuss looked around before he addressed the viewing audience, saying, "Welcome back for our final event: the trial of the Nile. Our pairs will start off running on the banks of the Nile before switching to a boat race into Cairo."
"That's not all, Snag. There's two big things about this race," Mildew replied. "First, we've doubled to points for this event; the winner now receives 50 points."
News of the bonus drew loud cheers.
"Also, to make sure our competitors don't dawdle, there will be mummies and crocodiles that will appear if anyone takes too much time finishing up the race."
"Those sound like my kind of people," Mr. Creepley said.
"And here's the part I dread more than Dread Baron: introducing the contestants. Here, we have Snooper and Blabber for the Yogis."
"Yeah, Mildew," Snooper replied, "Blab and I are a natural pair for this race. We have to have a chance."
"Over there, we have Hong Kong Phooey and Tinker competing for the Scoobies."
"Golly, Hong Kong, do you think we can do it?" Tinker asked.
Hong Kong responded with a series of karate yells and chops.
After taking a gulp, Mildew added, "And finally, we have Junior Creepley and Orful Octopus for the Rottens."
Orful waved his tentacles and gurgled in response to the mix of cheers and catcalls."
"OK, everybody, you already know the course and how things work. Remember, watch out for the zombies and crocodiles—and no cheating, even," Snagglepuss reminded the competitors.
At the sound of a trumpet, everyone took off.
Snooper and Blabber have the early lead in the foot race potion of the event. What's this? Orful is spitting ink in an attempt to pass the Scoobies? I thought that only worked under water!
"That's what happens when you think about ink," Dread Baron deadpanned.
"Golly, what are we gonna do?" Tinker asked.
Hong Kong karate chopped at the ink, dispersing it before it could obscure their vision.
Behind them, Orful gurgled frantically at Junior Creepley.
"What's wrong with you?" Junior asked.
Orful pointed at the mummies chasing them from behind.
"Ahh! Let's get going, Orful. I'm too young to die!"
Snooper and Blabber sought out the perfect path to their boat, and they have the lead as they enter their rowboat.
"Good going, Schnoop," Blabber said.
"Less blabbing, and more rowing, Blab," Snooper replied.
As the Yogis make their way down the Nile, Tinker and Hong Kong make their way to their rowboat.
"Alright, Hong Kong, let's row on out of here!" Tinker said.
Hong Kong nodded as the pair paddled furiously to catch up to the Yogis.
While it looks like Junior and Orful have outwitted the zombies chasing them, they have their work cut out for them if they want to finish out of last place.
Upon entering their rowboat, Orful stuck his tongue out to taunt the zombies.
"Never mind that!" Junior Creepley told him. "We have to catch up to the others."
Orful gurgled and pointed. He then stuck his tentacles into the water and used them as a propeller to move their boat speedily up the Nile.
"That was a great idea, but I hope crocodiles don't like eating Octopus."
Orful gurgled fearfully but continued to use his tentacles to propel the boat.
As we reach the finish line in Cairo, the Yogis have a slight lead over the Scoobies. But wait! The Rottens have not only caught up, they've taken the lead and cross the finish line a split-second ahead of the Yogis!
"What just happened?" Super Snooper asked.
"I think they won," Blabber replied.
Snooper pulled out his magnifying glass and said, "We better look into this."
"You can't trust those Rottens," Tinker added.
With so much on the line, we planned to review the finish irregardless of whomever crossed first. As we review the race, Orful cheated twice: once in his attempt to spit ink at everyone else and again when he used his tentacles as a propeller in what was supposed to be a race of rowboats.
Fans booed at the double cheat while the Rottens booed in response to being caught.
Those cheats will result in a double penalty as we tally up the scores.
"Please do so quickly, I can't handle the suspense like I used to," Mildew said.
"You never handled it that well before," Snagglepuss replied. "Why start now?"
And here are the final totals. The Rottens would have received 50 points for first place. However, the mandatory 40-point deduction nets them just 10 points. They finish with 40. The Yogis get 30 points for second plus 20 consolation points for being cheated by the Rottens. Those 50 points give them 95. The Scoobies got 20 for third place, plus 20 consolation points of their own. They finish with 105—good enough for today's Laff-A-Lympics Gold Medal!
The Scoobies cheered upon hearing the news.
"I can't believe it. The Scooby Doobies are on fire, Snag. They've won three of the last four competitions."
"Not only that, but they also move into first place for now with one more gold medal than the Yogis. That will make things that much more interesting next time."
At the award podium, Speed Buggy accepted the Scoobies' gold medal. Augie Doggie wore the Yogis' silver medal and Dastardly Dalton took the bronze medal for the Rottens.
"I guess I'm not too surprised the Rottens played so rotten today and got caught cheating so much," Mildew stated,
"But it's what we do best. You can't blame us for that?" Dread Baron asked.
"You have a point, but cheaters never win," Snagglepuss answered.
"At this point, we don't have to. We only need to win in the playoffs."
"And speaking of the playoffs, The Scoobies currently have the top seed. If they can finish ahead of the Yogis next week, they'll get a bye into the playoff finals. If the Yogis win, we may need to check the tie-breakers to see who gets the top spot."
"I'm not even going to worry about that," Mildew told the audience. "I just want to relax with a good burger until next time."
And so concludes another episode of Laff-A-Lympics. With the top playoff seed at stake, we expect some of the most intense competition of the season. We hope you tune in next time. See you then.
Mock Social Media Update
Official LAL Bogus Chirper Feed – Scoobies win today's #Laff-A-Lympics. Can they hold onto the top spot? Can the Rottens win without cheating? Join us next time to find out.
Scooby Doobies FacePlace Account – Shaggy here. Our team got another big win, but it wasn't easy. I'm just glad I didn't have to avoid those creepy Nile zombies. Let's hope the next set of events isn't as scary.
Really Rottens Stumbler Account – I hope everyone liked seeing us compete like our old selves—even if we did get caught cheating more than I expected. With nothing to lose next time, we may use the same game plan.
Team Standings
Scooby Doobies, 6, 3, 2, 865
Yogi Yahooeys, 5, 4, 2, 930
Really Rottens, 2, 5, 4, 610
Chapter Endnotes:
* Some measurements appear to be off by 1 cm due to rounding errors in converting feet to inches. I used the approximation of 1 meter = 3.2808 feet.
