Summary:
The eyes of the Hyuuga are as cold and glittering as the iced-over snowflakes. Are their minds, their hearts, their souls any different? [AU] [Non-Chronological Linked Drabbles]
General Disclaimer For The Entire Story:
I don't own Naruto. If I did, I'd have given Deidara more screentime, because he is awesome and a pyromaniac and thus doubly awesome. In fact, he's 120% awesomer, you could say. Oh, and the cover picture isn't mine, either. Should I change it? (Does anybody actually read this disclaimer?)
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(teachers, alcohol, cramming/grading, and more alcohol)
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[Age 5]
It's the end of the new Year 1's first trimester.
Funeno Daikoku, also known as Funeno-sensei and Daikoku-san and, in rare cases, when he and the addresser were either very close or very drunk, Daikon (Radish), has a problem.
Not a life-threatening one (hopefully not a life-threatening one, anyway), but still, a problem.
You see, as one of the Year 1 teachers for the A class (A for advanced, accelerated, augmented, annoying, etc., and the B class for basic, beginner, sometimes 'baka' if one is feeling mean), and as the teacher in charge of Year 1 Class A-1, that means he's the fellow unlucky enough to be handling a class mainly made up of Clan heirs/heiresses.
One can argue that he's lucky, since being their teacher might win him some points with the Clans.
Daikoku adamantly defends that he knows better by now: Being their teacher just means he has to work doubly hard to make sure no Clan children pick on the civvie kids, to make sure the Clan children are well-taught and have no reason to complain to their very powerful parents, to make sure that his actions and words are carefully modulated for fear of the massive backlash potentially provoked and political ramifications potentially attached.
Or, like Suzume once adroitly put it, "Favoritism's a big no-no, unless you favor all of the Clans. Then it's a big need-to-know."
Ah, Suzume. Stiff and proper at work, a weakness for afterschool teacher get-togethers at the bar, well, more accurately, a weakness for discount sake, best stern-librarian pokerface he's ever seen, high-stakes gambler at dice, and a peculiar but much appreciated habit of getting stone-cold drunk and seeming entirely sober except for her exceedingly amusingly sardonic quips about life, ninja, villages, and life in ninja villages.
Wait, right, back to the problem, Daikoku mentally pokes at himself.
Where was he again?
Oh, yes, the favoritism.
So, it's not exactly a hidden secret. Everyone knows about it, or at least expects it.
The status quo, if you will.
Better equipment, first dibs, extra instructions, bonus opportunities, looser restrictions, keener to look the other way, more agreeable to requests, and generally a 'nicer' attitude towards them.
Some say 'brown-nosing', some say 'suck-ups', some say words that would be marked down as 'inappropriate language for a learning environment'.
Is there really a difference?
You gotta do what you've gotta do in order to stay in this business, and in this particular sub-business, what you've gotta do is you've gotta stay in the tolerant graces of the Clans.
(Civvies have a 77% drop-out rate, anyway, compared to the Clan rate of less than 1%.
Likewise, failure rates for a Jounin-sensei's test is 93% for civvies, and a little more than 22% for Clans.
[Jounin-sensei tests can be given 3 times, before you're evaluated by a Genin Corps member, and are either approved for the Genin Corps, or are failed and sent to reintegrate into civilian society. There have been less than 5 Clan graduates who have failed the Genin Corps evaluation in the entire history of Konoha, and all were dubbed either terminally ill, or mentally unstable, or otherwise severely and critically unfit for duty.]
The Genin Corps are 85% civvie, and it's incredibly difficult for civilians without Clan-backing or catching the notice of an important sponsor to advance any further than Genin.
[Technical definitions of a civilian ninja are those without both parents being active or retired ninja. Otherwise, extra training will be harder to gain, as much valuable information and techniques are restricted to ninja or to Clans.])
Amiable is aimed for, 'good' is rarer than an A-rank mission for Genins.
Unheard of, no, but extremely, extremely, extremely doubtful to happen.
Grading, therefore, is an arduous task consisting the delicacy of balancing a building on glass eggshells which, when cracked, set off explosive tags.
In other, less eloquent words, "really fucking hard".
In Suzume's words, "I'm not drunk enough to do this yet."
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.
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Once, Umino Iruka, a Genin, Chuunin-hopeful, and eager-to-be future Academy-teacher-applicant asked them what was the big deal about it. Surely it is the simply the job of the teacher to aspire to treat their students as well as they can, right?
Daikoku laughed in his face, then choked on his spit, he was laughing so hard.
"That's a great one," he chuckled, thumping down a hand onto the polished surface of 'The Spiked Shuriken' bar, where he and Suzume had been drinking together before Iruka had cornered them. Wiping mirthful tears out of his eyes, he kept chuckling. "Tell it again! Hilarious!"
Suzume was more tactful about it, and just sighed, shaking her head. Also, slamming down a shot of some strange beyond-Snow-Country imported drink called 'vodka', that she swore was fantastic for giving just the right degree of burn and booze.
"Boy," she'd advised, "You're too kind-hearted for a shinobi. And I don't think you really understand what being a Ninja Academy teacher is all about. But you've got the ideals, and maybe you've got the guts. All I'm sayin' is, think twice 'fore you dive in headfirst. Do you really want to be an unrespected authority figure who's underpaid, overworked, and has to fight tooth and nail just to make sure their budget doesn't shrink even more?"
Looking determined, Iruka replied with certainty, "Yes. I wish to guide the future generations of Konoha, and teach them to be proud ninja of the Leaf!"
Turning sheepish, he added, "Um, after I make Chuunin and qualify for applying to teach, anyway."
The duo eyed him for a long beat, and then Suzume nudged Daikoku harshly with her [bony, if you ask him] elbow.
Rolling his eyes, Daikoku obediently pulled out a chair beside them, and gestured for Iruka to sit.
"Well, then, if you're so sure, we should get you accustomed to the rituals of an Academy teacher. First things first: You shalt not say 'no' to Suzume and her sake, or any other alcohol, really. Oh, hey, that reminds me; if you're gonna be a teacher someday, you have to complete the Academy teacher initiation. Suzume thought of it, of course, shameless alcoholic that she is. Seriously, she's drinking buddies with Mitarashi Anko. I know, I know, she doesn't look it, but that's just 'cuz she likes to pretend she's a prim and proper old maid, and never meets up with Anko unless they're both under Henge or disguised. She cleans up real nice, she does, if she ever bothers to do it for anything other than bar-hopping anonymously. Used to be Intelligence, 'till she quit after an interrogation went bad. ... But that's enough about that. So, basically, you have to drink these three glasses of these different alcohols that aren't native to the Elemental Nations under three minutes. Burns like a bitch, it does. Better hope you ain't a lightweight, eh? She can probably name all of them if you asked, but I kinda forget, heheh..."
Now it was Suzume's turn to roll her eyes. Another [bony] elbow-nudge occurred, and, grumbling, Daikoku swapped seats with her, so she was now next to the increasingly nervous brunette Genin.
"Oh, scooch over, ya fat lug. And just whose lifestory are you spillin', anyhow? Look, kid, here's the deal. There's this shot of whiskey, there's this shot of tequila, and there's this shot of truly magnificent vodka. Oh, just look at you, so crystal-clear and hellfire-burning..."
Iruka looked appropriately discomfited as Suzume began to croon and sweet-talk her glass of colorless liquid.
"U-Um, does she do that a lot...?"
Daikoku merely sighed in answer, sounding a lot like Suzume's earlier sigh-and-shake.
He patted the younger shinobi on the shoulder.
"Yup. Welcome to the gang, kiddo. You're one of us now. Or, well, you will be, as soon as you make Chuunin and get hired."
"So you think I have a chance?" Iruka inferred, brightening up.
"Oh, definitely. Because nobody else ever wants the job. I dunno why you want the job, actually. Like Suzume said: underpaid and overworked and boozed up 'till dawn, that's our life now. Well, the last one's just her life. Want a drink?"
(Years later, Daikoku will look upon that moment with fond reminiscence.
Iruka did turn out to be a lightweight, and it was absolutely hilarious to see his face the next day when Daikoku had casually commended him for his bravery in 'getting frisky with Suzume'.
Oh, they hadn't had sex, of course, but it was, again, absolutely hilarious to watch Iruka dance around the topic blushingly with Suzume.
Suzume herself was too used to getting drunk and blacking out and waking up in random places to care at all.
Iruka had eventually confronted her, and Suzume had bluntly told him she'd remember if she woke up naked, and things had died down for a bit, although Iruka had been rather huffy with Daikoku for a while.
Then Daikoku had 'let slip' that when he'd said 'getting frisky', he'd just meant that Iruka had groped her.
And he actually did, and Suzume had actually propositioned him, and nothing had really happened beyond that, but now why would Daikoku say that when he could just sit back and spectate Iruka dance around the topic once more with the half-oblivious half-uncaring Suzume?
Academy teacher hazing.
Not as greatly humiliating or greatly humorous as ANBU hazing.
But still pretty damn great, if he did say so himself.
You gotta love it.
'Sides, hadn't Iruka been a prankster in his childhood?
So he should be able to appreciate a good prank, shouldn't he?
Apparently not, judging by the extra-huffy huffiness clinging to Iruka after the second 'getting frisky' incident.
That, and the whole 'paint bucket over the door' trick.
Damnit, neon glow-in-the-dark blindingly orange waterproof paint is a bitch and a half to get off!
[Suzume had been gifted with a bottle of fine sake, one each from both of them, so she was content enough to play along, for both.
Hah.
Suckers.
Now that's what you call hedging your bets.
Watch and learn, bitches.
Well, the gender-correct term would be bastards.
Though Iruka is awfully aggressive about insisting his masculinity...
Suspiciously aggressive...
Hmm...])
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Internal musings go somewhat like this, for Daikoku at least, as he hunches over his desk and carefully, considering, sits and ponders for a few silent moments, and then quickly scrawls down swiftly inked hiragana, nearly afraid that his inspiration will dash away in a Shunshin if he lingers too long:
'Okay, wow, I need to stop drinking all this tea. I think the caffeine's going to my head. I mean, seriously? Inspiration using a Shunshin? Maybe it's the sleep-deprivation, too. Wasn't Suzume raving about that new Western-style drink that's like tea, but way stronger? 'Coffee'? Reminder to self, try 'coffee' next time grading rolls around.
Whew, bathroom break is just what I needed. Okay, I'm back now. Who's first on the roster? Yamanaka Ino? Huh, I wonder how they ordered this list… kami, knowing Kotetsu and Izumo, they probably slacked off until the last minute, and then just dropped in one day to write their names down by the way they were seated. Ah, whatever. No skin off my back. So long as I manage to play this grading right and don't piss off any of the Clans. I don't think any of them are too touchy, but you never know...
I mean, the Yamanaka run the rumor mills, and can ruin you socially. Inoichi-san is in the Interrogation Department. Their flower shop also supplies most of Konoha's ninja with their poisons.
Ino's a smart one for her age, though. Chatterbox, spitfire. Going to be popular one day; a shoe-in for 'Queen Bee'. Come to think of it, she's been hanging around that pink-haired civvie recently. Sakura, was it? Hmm, might want to note her for surveillance, see if she'd be worth cultivating.
So that's: C in Physical Education, B in Cooperation, A in Positivity, B in Classroom Attitude, B in Writing, B in Reading, A in Mathematics, A in History, B in Economics, C in Science, B in Geography, B in Chakra Theory, B in Weapon Theory.
[3 A's, 8 B's, 2 C's out of a total of 13 graded areas.
Teacher Note: Smart and socially-savvy, spunky as well. Lots of potential, has a natural grasp of human psychology and manipulation. It is recommended that she focus on improving her physical ability, as well as study harder to bring up her grade in Science, which she has professed a disdain for.]
Taijutsu isn't officially taught as part of the mandated curriculum until Year 2, when it starts being incorporated into Physical Education as the basic Academy-style Steadfast Leaf katas, and it has to wait until Year 4 before it starts getting into serious sparring. The specialized after-school kunoichi lessons start being offered in Year 2, too. Ninjutsu and Genjutsu have to wait until Year 5, thank kami.
Although it's still going to be a disaster-in-the-making trying to teach a bunch of 10 year olds the 'ninja tricks' they idolize so much. It's a blessing if they sit still for the entire explanation! There's always that one idiot who doesn't listen and tries to do a technique the wrong way...
At least the 'throwing weapons' for Year 2 are basically heavily blunted darts. School budget doesn't allow for actual kunai and shuriken until Year 3, and then those are heavily blunted as well. Can't let the prissy civilians get up into another snit about 'health' and 'safety'; kami, if they wanted 'health' and 'safety' then why the hell would they enroll their kids in a ninja academy?
Oh, wait, it's because the Council's too stingy to build a separate civilian school, so the civvies got to deal with it unless they drop out, homeschool, or apprentice.
Okay, rant over. I really should lay off the tea, but damnit, these reports are due by freakin' Friday, which is... fifteen hours and counting from today. Kami-fucking-damnit procrastination!
Aburame, Aburame... ah, Aburame Shino!
He's quiet, loner, bit odd, really, but highly intelligent and logical. Most Aburame are. And who are we too judge for 'oddness'? Every high-ranked ninja is bonkers, if you ask me. Well, actually, if you asked me, I'd never say that, or write that, but that's just self-preservation and common sense.
Back to Shino.
He seems fine by himself, too, and it's not like he's deliberately unfriendly or getting bullied; a few nasty remarks have been said, sure, but he shrugs them off, or easily knocks them down a peg verbally, and his 'creepy bugs' deter any physical action from being taken.
So that's: B in Physical Education, B in Cooperation, C in Positivity, C in Classroom Attitude, B in Writing, A in Reading, A in Mathematics, B in History, B in Economics, A in Science, A in Geography, A in Chakra Theory, B in Weapon Theory.
[5 A's, 6 B's, and 2 C's out of a total of 13 graded areas.
Teacher Note: Bright and capable, thrives off of theory, with a linguistic fluency and advanced vocabulary that is highly above average for his age level. It is encouraged that Shino should attempt to foster new bonds with his classmates, who will, of course, one day be his comrades-in-arms.
Other than that, Shino is a well-balanced and intelligent individual, as well as a student that teacher's are proud to teach, and he will go far in his future.]
Inuzuka Kiba. Clan kid to the core, proud of his heritage, boasts it, uncooperative, rather arrogant, too loud, roughhouser, fiercely defends his ninken, picks fights but can usually walk out of it okay, great instincts to temper out his dislike for book smarts, a bit of a malicious teaser and the beginnings of a bully, but his clan-kid classmates can keep him in check for the most part. If we can smooth out some of his roughness, provide a decent outlet for his energy, correct his fighting form, and don't bother his dog, he'll be an alright shinobi, hands-down.
Paws-down.
... Okay, okay, that was a bad pun, I get it.
So that's: A in Physical Education, C in Cooperation, B in Positivity, C in Classroom Attitude, C in Writing, B in Reading, B in Mathematics, B in History, B in Economics, C in Science, B in Geography, B in Chakra Theory, C in Weapon Theory.
[1 A, 7 B's, 5 C's out of a total of 13 graded areas.
Teacher Note: Kiba is a very physical learner, who learns well when active, and has impressive raw strength and stamina for his age. It is advised that he practice more patience towards his academic studies, and learn to accept help from others. Determination is good for a shinobi, but headstrong stubbornness is another matter entirely.
There have been past complaints about him being a little too rough with the other children, but Kiba has appeared appropriately contrite after facing the consequences, and the teaching staff are confident that he will behave himself in a manner befitting a Konoha ninja-in-training from now on. As per his request, next year there will be certain allowances made for Akamaru to join Kiba in his studies.]
Nara Shikamaru...
Ah, I've taught Naras before.
Always the same thing: naps during class, dead-on in the middle of the pack, veritable genii who are too lazy to make much of it in school. Consistently great tactical ninja, though, and can take care of themselves. The problem with trying to be average is when your family has an infamous history of doing it; wisening up to their ways, is that what they say? Leaving exactly half the answers filled in correctly and the other half left blank just means he hasn't the motivation to finish the rest when he can. We can pretty much just let him be, and he'd probably appreciate that the most. 'Sides, with a father like his and mother like that, I think he'll get all the training he needs. Not wants, because then that's not training.
So that's: B in Physical Education, B in Cooperation, B in Positivity, B in Classroom Attitude, B in Writing, B in Reading, B in Mathematics, B in History, B in Economics, B in Science, B in Geography, B in Chakra Theory, B in Weapon Theory.
[13 B's out of a total of 13 graded areas.
Teacher Note: Shikamaru is smart, and clever, and many other valuable traits that could catapult him into whatever position he'd like in life, if only those traits weren't so balanced out with his vast understanding of the need for efficiency. That is, while he never resists a teacher's orders, arrives on time, follows directions, and does not cause trouble, he also does not put forth his best effort at all times, which is a mildly vexing habit, especially as we are aware that he purposely manipulated his grades to be a straight 'B' student.
Nevertheless, he is still a good student, well-liked among the staff for his calmness and non-propensity to sow chaos and reap anger. We merely, with all politeness, request that you convince him to exert more effort in class, or at the very least, learn to nap more discreetly.]
Akimichi Choji is another one of the thankfully less troublesome-
Oh dear kami I've been infected with the Shikamaru-isms!
Less... trouble-making students?
Okay, that's better.
So Choji's a decent sort, nice enough, doesn't bully anyone, we have to watch out a bit for him getting bullied, though luckily he has Shikamaru who is probably the laziest and smoothest watchdog ever.
Waxes eloquent on the topic of food with a fiery passion, meek and lacking much personality or opinion outside of that, constantly eats, which is understandable considering how the Akimichi techniques require more body mass.
So that's: C in Physical Education, A in Cooperation, B in Positivity, B in Classroom Attitude, B in Writing, B in Reading, A in Mathematics, A in History, B in Economics, C in Science, A in Geography, B in Chakra Theory, B in Weapon Theory.
[4 A's, 7 B's, and 2 C's out of a total of 13 graded areas.
Teacher Note: Not much to say. A good student overall, peaceable and kind. He could use some more self-confidence, though, to deter any bullying. Don't worry, the teachers have always stepped in to end bullying whenever they see it, and Choji has a good friend in Nara Shikamaru, who aids in deterring the bullying as well. His physical strength is quite good, but he needs more training in speed and stamina, and finds some scientific concepts too vague to understand. If he volunteers more often in class, that would be appreciated.
Also, would you mind terribly to provide him some less crunchy snacks? We understand his need to eat more, but the crunching noises sometimes distract from the learning.]
Oh kami, look at the time.
I'm not going to be getting any sleep before school tomorrow, am I?
Yeah, yeah, I know, that was what I signed up for when I put off doing all these reports.
Shut up, conscience of mine.
Uchiha Sasuke, also known as the most cheerful Uchiha kid I've ever taught.
He's not perfect; he pouts, gets angry, could use some work on his handwriting, and isn't exactly very social or friendly, but that's mostly from his fear of fangirls, apparently.
Still, he actually smiles.
Like a normal person.
On a regular basis.
And I've even heard him laugh.
Freaks me out, I swear to Kami-sama, after a lifetime of enduring scowling Uchiha and glaring Uchiha and stuck-up Uchiha.
Not to say Sasuke doesn't show some of those traits, but they seem to be from a desire to imitate his family, so he hasn't been completely lost yet.
Must have something to do with that older brother of his sheltering him or something; now there's somebody who gives me the creeps.
Very polite, of course, and undeniably genius, but there's just something off about him, I think, whenever his Clan is mentioned.
Eh, you can't argue that he doesn't love his otouto fiercely.
Always comes to pick him up and drop him off, poking him in the forehead to tease him.
If Uchiha Itachi is human enough to tease his little brother, well, I suppose he's human enough to not be of any worry.
Just...
He's younger than most Genin, and yet he's already Jounin, killing more people each week than I've probably killed in my life.
There's something wrong about forcing a child to do all that, isn't there?
... I'd better make sure not to write that down anywhere or accidentally let that slip.
A day away from T & I is a good day for me, in my opinion.
So that's: A in Physical Education, B in Cooperation, B in Positivity, B in Classroom Attitude, A in Writing, B in Reading, A in Mathematics, A in History, A in Economics, B in Science, A in Geography, A in Chakra Theory, A in Weapon Theory.
[8 A's, and 5 B's out of a total of 13 graded areas.
Teacher Note: Is an exemplary student, as expected of one bearing such a proud legacy. Sasuke excels in most aspects of his studies, consistently scoring very highly and rising above most of his fellow classmates. A bright future is certainly in store for him, if he keeps up this rate of improvement and information retainment. We are pleased to call him the Top Ranking Boy of his year for this trimester, as well as placing second in the Overall Rankings for his year for this trimester.
Minor concerns have been brought up about him occasionally giving off-hand remarks commenting on his classmates' progress, which some have taken offense to, interpreting them as derogatory towards their learning speed. However, there have been no serious accusations of intentional bullying or harassment, and he is all-around a very polite, well-behaved, and model student, who is a pleasure to teach. His stamina is average for a boy of his age, which he makes up for with superior speed and strength, out-performing all of the other male students in his year. Notes have made about his quickness in unlocking and sensing his chakra, being one of the first in his class to accomplish those feats.]
Flattering enough, I believe, with enough overcomplicated formality to appease those snooty bastards.
Last on the priority list... let's see now...
Ah.
Yes.
The Hyuuga heiress.
Another one from an infamously powerful but stuck-up Clan, although she doesn't seem to be as revolutionary in terms of her attitude deviating from the expected Hyuuga norm.
Kami, the overcomplicated nonsense is leaking into my thoughts now.
Well, I can bear with that for a few moments; the Hyuuga will undoubtedly be 'grievously affronted' if their precious heiress' report is casual or dismissive, especially if they compare it to the Uchiha's.
They will find out somehow.
I'm fairly sure that as soon as they finish reading over the reports they get each trimester, they go to town and 'accidentally' meet each other, subtly trying to out-do the other with pointed comparisons.
I remember seeing one of their little showdowns two years ago.
Those smiles and glares couldn't get more acidic even if you squeezed a lemon into those eyes they're so proud of.
But back to Hinata, back on track.
Not as revolutionary, but bearable to teach, and thankfully lacking the arrogance and tendency to give sneering monologues that seems to plague the Hyuuga and the Uchiha.
She's got all of the coldness and intimidation, though; the concentration and smarts, too, albeit the intensity of her one-track studying mindset is a bit worrying.
None of the other Hyuuga I've taught have been so focused, none of the Uchiha, either, and her seriousness can't be good for developing a childhood.
A bit too mature, if you know what I mean.
Of course 'you' know what I mean because I'm thinking to myself meaning that 'you' is 'me' and if I can't understand myself what are the chances of somebody else doing it?
Kinda like... that Itachi kid...
Doesn't have his genius, from what I recall hearing about him, and not his ultimately apparently rather gentle personality, but she's close to his determination and ruthlessness.
She's got a baby sister, too, and dotes on her, so I suppose in both cases that affection lends them some semblance of relatability.
But only up to a certain point.
Argh, I'm overthinking stuffies again.
Write the numbers, churn out some vaguely positive bullshit for their family to soak up, and get out of this place before I have to face the rest of my eternally thrice-damned-to-the-seven-pits-of-hell paperwork.
So that's: A in Physical Education, A in Cooperation, C in Positivity, A in Classroom Attitude, A in Writing, A in Reading, A in Mathematics, A in History, A in Economics, A in Science, A in Geography, A in Chakra Theory, A in Weapon Theory.
[12 A's, and 1 C out of a total of 13 graded areas.
Teacher Note: Hinata shows vast promise as a great ninja, befitting her illustrious ancestry. She surpasses expectations in all lessons, aiding instinctive grasp with a diligent attitude towards practice and studying that we rarely see this young. Merely continuing this wondrous trend is sure to give her a good reputation and an excellent future Jounin-sensei when she graduates. We are delighted to be able to name her the Top Ranking Girl of her year for this trimester. She also placed first in the Overall Rankings for her year for Trimester 1, serving as a model example for the rest of her classmates to follow.
Hinata infrequently displays brief bursts of impatience at having to wait for her peers to catch up to her significantly advanced position in the coursework, but is usually very calm and courteous to both teachers and students. She does her teachers proud, although slight worries have been expressed over her self-imposed isolation and relative anti-socialness towards her future comrades. No incidents of bullying have been recorded, and she is not outright unfriendly, but she does not actively seek out others, and tends to politely turn down offers of group activities. Nothing detrimental has occurred to her academic performance, and Hinata is noted particularly as having a nice running form, and good flexibility has been shown during physical education's warm-ups.]
Uh-huh.. sign my name here... and here... and I just drop off this express packet at the post office or somethin', and I'm home free!
... for about five minutes before I need to write up the reports for the Clanless kids.
Fuck my sorely lacking-alcohol life.'
He groans, hunches over his poorly-lit desk, and slams his face into it several times.
Maybe if he knocks himself out with a concussion, he can beg off the next day for medical leave?
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.
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Extra Scene:
"You know," Iruka noted dryly, watching his colleagues in their attempts of getting thoroughly sloshed, "before I became a teacher, I used to envision what their bonding rituals were like. My thoughts at the time were along the lines of rejoicing over bringing enlightenment to the future of our proud country. Then I actually became a teacher, and suddenly realized that all you guys really do as a tradition is go to a bar after work and drink."
"That's because," Suzume corrected him sagely, "all of our bonding is done at 5 a.m. in the morning cursing hangovers, scribbling last-minute lesson plans, and bemoaning our crappy jobs and shittier salaries over the eternally-broken coffee machine in the staff lounge, while sitting on lumpy rocky sofas."
"Not exactly true," Daikoku protested, in the principle of the matter.
(If you're going to complain, complain it right.)
"Sometimes the coffee machine works. It just spits out this watery yellow-brown gunk that starts melting through the paper cups if you don't throw it out quick."
"Wait, are you sure that you didn't mistake the chemical disposal container for the coffee machine again? The students keep dumping their failed poisons and assignment acids in there, the sneaky little bastards."
"Isn't that a little discriminatory for the girls?"
"Fine. The sneaky little shits, is that better for your oh-so politically sensitive soul?"
"What politics? We're Academy instructors, and we're Clanless, and we're Chuunin. We don't have a say in politics."
"Oh. Right. ... Hey, are you gonna finish that shot, or what, Mr. Lightweight?"
Iruka sighed and pushed his cup over to Suzume.
#
#
The graded areas were partly taken from a blog post showing a translation of the final (Year 7 graduation) Academy grades for the Canon!Rookie 9. I added and changed a few things, though, since 5-year-old Year 1 Academy students aren't typically supposed to know any ninjutsu/genjutsu/taijutsu. Also, according to that same blog post, Canon!Hinata was actually tied for second place with Shino and Sakura with a 3 GPA; Canon!Ino had 3.33, and Canon!Sasuke was tied with Kiba at 2.8. In both cases, it was their personalities dragging them down, since C!Sasuke got an F in Cooperation with a C for Positivity and a B for Classroom Attitude, and C!Hinata got an F in Positivity (along with B's in Ninjutsu and Genjutsu, the latter making no sense, since the Byakugan can see through illusions, although maybe C!Hinata just didn't have the motivation to go against a Taijutsu-based Clan in order to focus on improving her casting of Genjutsus?).
Interesting to note: out of the Canon!Rookie 9's final Academy grades, C!Hinata and C!Sasuke both got the most A's, which is 3.
Of course, their last year's graduation would be more difficult.
Very brief omake: After Shikamaru's parents read his teacher's report, his mother was enraged and darkly plotted to get her son up early for some remedial, personal lessons over the summer. His father privately congratulated him on maintaining a perfect streak of B's, and taught him the Nara-honored skill of how to 'sleep' with your eyes open, relaxing into a shallow but restful meditative state, so that information still skims through cognition. In other words, Shikamaru learned how to nap in class and not get caught, even when a teacher tries to catch him off-guard with a surprise question.
After Choji's parents read his teacher's report, he was handed a bag of chewier snack foods, thus reducing the crunching noises by 48.9% next year.
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