Chapter One Summary:

Immediately following the the battle that took his family and squad mates during the failed 19th expedition outside the Walls, Levi deals with the aftermath of his friends' deaths while the battered Survey Corps makes their retreat back to the safety of Wall Maria.

Erwin takes Levi into his own squad in an effort to get him back alive, but the Survey Corps is not out of danger yet.


Chapter Two

It was a glaringly bright morning - the kind where the sun rose long before the city was awake, the kind that came with a sky full of wispy clouds that did not block the light, but instead just glowed so white they hurt to look at. The streets were fairly vacant, but there were a few shopkeepers outside preparing for the day, blocking the light with raised hands and brimmed hats, huddled in their shawls against the crisp morning breeze.

Erwin looked down on the streets below from a large second-storey window, taking another sip of his coffee and wishing he felt more awake. Normally he was the kind to get up bright and early anyway, so he hadn't been as annoyed with the early hour as his companions, but after everything that had happened on the expedition, and then travelling late into the evening to get to the capitol, he actually would have liked to sleep in for once.

"Hey. You ready?" Gerhardt's words slurred into a yawn.

"Are you?" Erwin gave him a small smile and downed the rest of his coffee.

"As much as I can be." Gerhardt was rubbing away at his eyes with one hand. "I'd've really been ready if this were in a couple more hours, but what can you do? Can't interrupt their important work." His tone made it quite clear what he thought of said "important work."

Erwin set his empty cup aside next to Gerhardt's on a nearby table, which had some used cups and plates waiting to be taken away, along with fruit and bagels. As convenient as it was to have access to the free breakfast food at the council hall, Erwin wasn't feeling up to it yet, and the three of them had decided to go out for breakfast afterwards. He had not hesitated to help himself to the coffee, though.

Keith walked up to the table and refilled his coffee mug while he addressed them. "They're going to call us in in a second." He started stirring in sugar.

"I thought we weren't allowed to bring any food and drink in there, after they replaced that carpet with the wine stain," Gerhardt objected, his eyes fixed on Keith's coffee.

"They can bite my ass." Keith lifted the cup to his lips.

"Oh, well if we can be like that…." Gerhardt made his way over to retake his cup.

"I'm the commander. Just because I can get away with it, doesn't mean you can," Keith joked. Just then, a servant opened the door to the meeting hall and held it open expectantly. The council was notoriously unforgiving about punctuality, so it was never a good idea to make them wait. Keith was making his way in.

Gerhardt was pouring another cup anyway, even as Keith was leaving. He dripped some coffee on the table. Over his shoulder, the commander said, "You don't really have time to make a coffee. They're already waiting, you know."

"I'll drink it black." That was desperation talking. Erwin knew Gerhardt preferred his with a lot of cream and sugar. But of course, once Keith was no longer paying attention, Gerhardt added both the cream and sugar in sloppy haste, spilling more on the table and taking his stirring spoon with him. Erwin chuckled to himself as he followed Keith inside.

The room was unnecessarily large for such a meeting, and lavishly decorated. Since Gerhardt had mentioned it, Erwin couldn't help but notice the new carpet in the middle of the room, along with shiny new stone tiles under his feet. The council hall was currently undergoing renovations, and the meetings had been relocated from the office they normally used. They were seated in an alcove that was part of a much bigger hall, with a high ceiling and marble walls. The sounds of footsteps and scraping chairs echoed around them, as the murmuring voices fell to a minimum. Erwin felt that it was a oddly open place to discuss such sensitive topics.

A man that Erwin recognized as Minister Abbing sat at the centre of the opposite side of the table. In contrast to the surrounding opulence, he dressed in plain black and white clothes. He was clean-shaven and completely bald, his most notable features being the complex network of wrinkles on his face, and the dark bushy eyebrows and simple square glasses that framed his eyes.

Keith took his chair opposite Abbing, and Erwin and Gerhardt sat on either side of him. The table soon settled itself as the other ministers slowly dropped their small talk to observe the three soldiers. Keith looked over at Gerhardt.

"Black, huh?" Keith asked under his breath.

Gerhardt acted as though he hadn't heard, already lifting his drink.

Abbing cleared his throat and straightened a few papers in front of him, and there was instant silence. "Welcome back." He appeared to be addressing all three of them. "I speak for all of us here when I say that I am glad to see you safe."

"Thank you. It's good to be back," Keith replied.

Abbing was already looking down at his papers, holding onto the side of his glasses, as was his habit, while he skimmed over some of the text. "Now, Commander, we know why you're here. You wouldn't have come in so soon otherwise."

"Yes, you're all aware of why we're here. I set out as soon as I could." Indeed, they had left for Mitras only a short time after sending the messenger to inform the council of the expedition's results. As soon as things were in a semblance of order at the base, they were gone. Gerhardt had grumbled about it, but Erwin had agreed with the commander, knowing that the longer they gave the council to stew over this failure, the worse talking to them would be.

As it was, the councillors had been told the news last night, and with the meeting scheduled for this morning just before their usual work hours, they had not had time to discuss it amongst themselves, behind Keith's back. Erwin preferred it that way.

"So, last night I received a letter informing me that the Survey Corps were back early," Abbing started. "According to that report, you lost around 40 percent of your soldiers, a fifth of your horses, and one of your medics. One of the carts was abandoned, along with much of its supplies. And the expedition has been deemed a failure, having made no new progress, and failing to fully assess the utility and limitations of your new formation, which I believe was the main focus."

There was a hushed pause as everyone let the words sink in. Abbing had spoken like he was reading off a list. It was nothing but the plain truth, but it sounded so awful put into numbers like that.

"You want to tell us exactly what happened?" Abbing's voice was surprisingly non-accusatory, but his heavy brows had lowered such that his expression looked severe.

"Yes, of course." Keith didn't sound very sure of himself in that moment. As much as Erwin liked Keith Shadis, the man had an unfortunate tendency to crack under pressure. It was hard, in situations like this, not to imagine all the things Erwin would say or do differently if he were in Keith's place. Erwin was already prepared to be disappointed with this meeting.

"Unexpected weather conditions changed the situation faster than we could react to," Keith said. "Before we knew it, it was pouring rain. The titans came upon us suddenly, and in very large numbers."

"You are not prepared to handle rain?" one of the ministers asked. He sounded confused.

There was no response. Keith was already freezing up. Gerhardt was giving him a sideways glance, his coffee and papers seemingly forgotten, though he kept his features schooled.

Erwin decided now would be the time to intervene. "If I may?" He addressed Keith, so it wouldn't look like he was talking over him. Keith nodded.

"As you are all aware, the new scouting formation relies upon signal flares to communicate," Erwin began. "Under heavy rain, the signal flares become all but useless. They can't be fired if the gunpowder gets wet, and were of little help, as visibility was extremely poor. We did realize this, and attempted to tighten the formation to compensate, but as Commander Shadis has said, the speed at which the weather changed made it nigh impossible to react quickly enough."

"Squad Leader… Erwin Smith, if I recall?" Abbing asked, turning to Erwin now.

"Yes, sir."

"You were the one responsible for creating the new formation, yes?"

"That's correct." Erwin hated the empty feeling that came with the admission. He had worked on the formation for a long time, and not long ago he would have been thrilled to see it getting this much attention, but with the disastrous results of its first trial run now looming over him, he almost felt embarrassed.

"Had you foreseen the potential problems posed by heavy rain, or other unfavourable weather conditions?" The full weight of Abbing's heavy gaze, along with everyone else's, had shifted from Keith to Erwin, and the overall impression of that look, and that tone, was of someone giving him a slight scolding. There was something patronizing about it, and Erwin was suddenly very aware of being the youngest man in the room.

He tried not to let it bother him. "Yes, I of course realized that we would have to think about that in regards to a formation that relies so heavily on long-distance communication. Weather is always something to consider during an expedition, regardless of the formation used. As we said, the speed at which the weather changed was the true problem.

"In all my years of expeditions, I've never seen a storm quite like that one." As soon as Erwin said it, he felt stupid using a phrase like 'in all my years' amongst all these older men, but it was too late to take it back. "We may be prepared for rain, but such a downpour will always pose problems." Erwin looked to Keith.

"Smith is right. No matter the circumstances, a storm like that would always be disastrous. The results of this expedition have little to do with implementing the new formation."

In a final effort to defend his work, Erwin continued, "Ordinarily, we have more than enough time to react to such conditions. This formation was never intended to be used during storms. What is most important to remember is that before the rain, our casualties were nearly zero. To me, that is proof that the formation works, and must be tested again."

"Again?" Minister Siegel asked suddenly, and loudly. "How many more men do you need to kill before you can admit to a mistake?"

Keith actually jumped to Erwin's defence with a firm, "Now, see here," that took Erwin by surprise, even as he felt some gratitude, but Zackly spoke up even louder.

"That is nonsense, Siegel." Zackly did not often come to meetings like this, and tended to stay out of any intense discussion, but on the occasions that he spoke, he commanded attention easily. "Since joining the Survey Corps, Smith has done everything he can to minimize deaths. It's silly to suggest he's some heartless killer."

"Maybe you're quick to defend him because you put your name to this as well," Siegel argued.

"I defend him for the same reason that I 'put my name to this,' and that's because I think it's a good idea. Casualties in the Survey Corps are too high. Anything that can help reduce that is worth a shot."

Yet another minister, whom Erwin did not know well, jumped in. "Which is exactly why this plan, which got hundreds of people killed, is a -"

"Have you people been listening to a damn word we've said?" came a familiar voice to Keith's right, one Erwin was unused to hearing at these meetings. "Those deaths had nothing to do with the formation -"

"Gerhardt," Keith said, trying to rein him in.

"Be reasonable. They can't predict the weather that accurately," Minister Baum said in an appeasing tone.

"You believe that bullshit excuse?" someone asked him.

"Well, they're not trying to get their own men killed, so yes."

"You know what would really reduce casualties to a minimum?" Pastor Carl's voice rang out above the others. Erwin figured he knew where this was going. "Not going outside the Walls in the first place."

As usual, this led to an uproarious response of voices talking over each other.

"So we should just wait until we run out of resources to begin looking for them?" Erwin asked. He had long ago realized the futility of arguing with the Wallists, but sometimes had trouble letting their logic go unchallenged.

"We have plenty of resources," the pastor argued.

He should just let it go. But Erwin was tired of letting it go. "We'll run out one day. And when we do, you'll be glad we have a force of soldiers prepared to leave the Walls and face the titans."

"I believe that the Walls will provide what humanity needs to survive, as they always have, these past hundred years."

"A hundred years isn't that long. We could be here for much longer. But surely you don't want humanity to live in here forever." Erwin thought it was a perfectly reasonable thing to say, but Keith had gripped his right arm under the table where the others couldn't see and squeezed it hard, and Erwin figured he'd fucked up somehow.

Luckily for him, Gerhardt spoke up just as the pastor looked like he was about to blow. "For someone who doesn't want us to go beyond the Walls so strongly, you sure don't seem to mind the luxuries our expeditions afford you, like the salt, and the gold…."

More arguing and yelling ensued. Pastor Carl actually stood up from his seat, and both Minister Abbing and Zackly were trying to bring order to the discussion, and failing.

Erwin couldn't hear what the pastor said, but as Gerhardt was much closer to him, his voice rang out loud and clear. "Me? I'm not being ridiculous. You're the hypocrite." Now Gerhardt was out of his seat too. Erwin wondered if Gerhardt was trying to deflect attention from Erwin's comment. It wasn't like him to be this combative.

Suddenly there were voices coming from every side of the table at once.

"- fucking liar!"

"- a heathen, I tell you!"

"Stop buying it then! Because I know you do."

"... ungrateful little shits."

"Mr. Reiss, if you…"

"I have never bought…"

The voices got louder.

"Yes you have! I've seen you -"

"Gerhardt!" Keith snapped.

"You and your friend Erwin -"

Abbing, one of the few who remained seated, banged on the table. "Would everyone please…"

"- all those fucking dead people, and we're arguing about money."

"- that Shadis and Zackly both agreed -"

"You are literally wearing a gold ring on your finger as we speak."

"- you fucking dumbass."

"Be quiet!" Zackly had stood from his seat as well, so he could more easily yell over people's heads. Erwin, seated only a foot away from him, nearly cringed at the booming voice in his left ear. "Alright, everybody else get back in your seats."

Everyone was soon sitting in their chairs with little drama, though there was some angry muttering. Someone said something that sounded like a comment about Sina's tits, and Carl's face flushed with anger, but he knew better than to say anything more.

"Honestly. A day care is more well-behaved than you people." Zackly sat back into his own seat.

"Thank you, Zackly," Abbing said. Under his severe expression and angry-looking brows, he looked amused.

Erwin leaned back in his chair, deciding he probably should not draw unnecessary attention to himself. He couldn't help but feel he had caused that commotion.

Abbing continued, characteristically acting as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. For all the talking that went on after that, not much was said that had not been said before. No one ever managed to change anyone's mind, and most people's opinions were not very nuanced. The majority of them simply cared about money - making money, making money for their friends, withholding money from everyone else, and trying not to waste money - and they were blatantly obvious about it.

Abbing summed it up quickly as the discussion began to draw to a close. "Obviously, everyone here feels very strongly about their positions. I know that some of you are disillusioned about the results of this expedition. I know some here believe these results are to be expected, from time to time, and that we need to try again," he looked at Erwin here, "while others have pointed out that this was already the Survey Corps' last chance to prove itself worthy of the funding it has received. In my opinion, both sides have a valid point. As it is clear that there is a divide in opinions, I suggest a vote."

Erwin schooled his expression, but inside he was worried. The council was hardly evenly split in its politics. The majority of people there disapproved of the Survey Corps, and tolerated them so long as they didn't ask for too much money or take up much of their time. There were a few supporters, like Baum, some of whom had even managed to do good business with the Corps, but they were few. In general, a vote like this would go against the Survey Corps' interests.

The last vote, Erwin had managed to scare the council with the incident involving Lovof enough to get their approval, but he wasn't sure if that would help them here. For one thing, unlike before, the council had a perfectly adequate reason they could cite in this last failed expedition for defunding the Survey Corps. The Survey Corps no longer looked like they were on the upswing to a new era of success and better survival. For another, Erwin suspected that the councillors were not as afraid of a corruption scandal as they should be. They controlled the news agencies as far as he could tell, and if he made too big of a nuisance of himself…

Erwin stopped that line of thought. Naive as it might be, he did not want to imagine the men sitting right in front of him, as selfish and uncompromising as they could be, as dangerous villains. Some of them were perfectly nice and reasonable to the Corps, even while giving other organizations a very hard time. He could not afford to paint people in such broad strokes in his head.

Erwin had resolved to keep quiet during the rest of the meeting, and Gerhardt did the same, the two squad leaders leaving it to their commander to do the talking. Keith was his usual acquiescent self, far too agreeable and accepting, and Erwin felt glad that they were not currently negotiating the Corps' future activities.

Zackly said that he did not want the vote Abbing had suggested to be an all-or nothing decision, with the entire budget of the Survey Corps on the line. It made sense. If almost every individual minister decided to stop funding them, and the crown did not reach out - which they wouldn't - the entire Survey Corps could be disbanded. So Zackly suggested that the vote on the Survey Corps' budget be added to a general military budget vote scheduled for next month, giving him and Abbing the time needed to discuss what, specifically, the vote would cover.

"What is there to discuss?" Minister Siegel asked. "We're voting on whether the Survey Corps should keep its funding, despite failing to keep its promises."

"How much of its funding?" Zackly asked.

"All of it," Siegel answered without hesitation.

"No," Zackly said. "That is what is up for discussion."

Siegel huffed, but dropped the subject.

Soon the time slot set aside for the meeting was almost over, and things were wrapped up quickly. When Keith excused himself, and the three soldiers left, Zackly followed them. The door closed and they were left alone in the hallway, in a rather awkward dismissal that made it clear their presence was unwelcome.

"Well, that didn't go as well as we wanted it, but I doubt I'm the only one who isn't surprised," Zackly started, making his way down the hall with them.

"So now we wait for those guys to have another vote? We just had one a couple months ago," Gerhardt said, setting his empty coffee cup on the breakfast table and following Zackly. "This is all starting to feel like a waste of time. We spend forever convincing them to give us a chance, and then they take it away the second anything doesn't go according to plan."

No one said anything more as they continued their way out the building, because there wasn't much to say. Erwin was mulling some thoughts over in his head, but wasn't sure enough of any of his ideas to give voice to them at the moment. So the conversation was dropped unceremoniously, as Zackly said his goodbyes to Keith at the front door and parted ways with them.

Keith turned to his two subordinates. "You two still up for breakfast?" He didn't exactly sound enthused.

Gerhardt had a look on his face that suggested he was going to pass, but Erwin was actually hungry, and he didn't think skipping would be beneficial to anyone, so he answered with an enthusiastic, "Absolutely, I'm starving," knowing, in their politeness, they wouldn't argue with that.

"Alright then, let's go," Keith said.


Keith, Gerhardt and Erwin were seated around a small, round table in a restaurant near their hotel. It was still early by most people's standards, and the place was only modestly busy. Keith had asked for a coffee - for which Erwin had teased him, asking, "Do you really need another one?" - while Gerhardt and Erwin had gotten tea instead. The coffee was starting to feel too heavy on Erwin's stomach.

Now Erwin was staring at the chalkboard with the breakfast menu on it, trying to decide what to order, while his companions sat there with sullen looks on their faces.

Eventually, Gerhardt sighed. "I can't wait to get back. This has been a really fucking awful couple of days. It's been rush, rush, rush, and then sitting around tensely, waiting for stuff to happen, and then more rushing, just stop and go, stop and go, you know? And there's so much more shit to do when we get back." There was a pause after that rush of words, like he wasn't going to say anything else. He stirred his tea, now sweetened and milky, and took a sip.

Then, very quietly, "My squad wasn't in a good place when I left them."

Erwin turned away from the chalkboard. He had been ignoring Gerhardt's complaining until then, like Keith seemed to be, because Gerhardt had been complaining almost non stop since they left the base, and Erwin guessed it was because he was tired and in a bad mood, and Erwin didn't want to embarrass him by drawing attention to it. But this was different.

"Hmm?" Erwin asked, trying to gently encourage Gerhardt to keep talking.

"Mentally."

"Oh."

Erwin looked at Keith. The commander hadn't said anything, but his face as he watched Gerhardt looked concerned.

"I don't feel like we should be here. This all could have waited." Gerhardt said it like he had been holding it in for a while, and maybe he had.

"You know why we came right away," Erwin said. They had been over this.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it."

"You didn't have to come if -"

"No, it's my job to come on trips like this, in case the commander needs me. You're the one who had a choice on whether to come or not."

Just then, the waitress came by to their table, and Erwin was grateful for the short interruption. He ordered himself a large breakfast, with eggs and hashbrowns and even bacon, because he rarely went to restaurants and being here was already an indulgence. Keith just ordered a muffin. Gerhardt hesitated while they made their decisions, making an unsure sound like he wasn't going to order anything, but then he relented and asked for waffles.

Then the waitress was gone and they were left to make conversation again.

"I'm sorry if I pushed too hard, for us to come here today," Erwin said, wanting to make peace. "I really thought it was best."

"It was my call in the end, anyway," Keith added. "So don't worry about it."

"No, Erwin, I didn't mean…." Gerhardt sighed again, and looked like he was struggling with himself.

Erwin thought about why Gerhardt's squad would be "not in a good place." He was pretty sure no one in Gerhardt's team had died, but he realized then that he hadn't asked. There had just been so little time. Maybe it wasn't right that he just assumed Gerhardt would have told him if he lost someone. Even worse, Erwin didn't feel comfortable asking now, because it would only highlight how little attention he had been paying his friends if he admitted he didn't know.

"This expedition was… rough, for sure," Erwin said, starting somewhat vaguely. "But the Survey Corps has been through a lot, and we've always pulled through. They'll get through this too." Gerhardt was silent. "And we'll be back with them tonight." That at least got a nod.

For a few minutes, the three just sat without speaking, sipping their drinks, surrounded with the sounds of other restaurant goers conversing quietly and morning birds chirping in the background. Theirs was always a comfortable silence, built from trust and understanding, but no one there seemed particularly comfortable in that moment, each dealing with his own inner demons. For once, Erwin wanted to say something, just to fill that silence, but he didn't know how to continue. While this sort of conversation was fine for those late evenings in Keith's office while they drank around the fireplace, it seemed strange on this bright, sunny morning, in a cheery restaurant.

"My newest guy, Tom, he, uh…" Gerhardt started up again. He must really have a lot on his mind, because he never spoke this much, especially when unprompted. "Tina died." Erwin wasn't sure how that was related to what he'd just been saying.

"I don't believe I knew Tina," Erwin admitted. He also didn't really know Gerhardt's newest squad member yet, but he at least knew of him.

"She was on a different team, but it was headed by one of my team leaders. She and Tom are both new, right out of the 98th Training Corps. I think there may have been," he paused here, like he wasn't confident how to say it, "something going on between them." Gerhardt gulped the rest of his tea and poured himself another from the pot sitting with them. "I tried to discourage it."

"Not uncommon, really," Keith said.

"Yeah, well, you can give people all the advice in the world, but, you know." Now he was stirring in some milk, and then sugar. "Anyway… he saw her die."

It was a bit disconcerting to hear Gerhardt talk about someone's death like that while he calmly sipped his tea. Even if Erwin knew there was more to his feelings, underneath.

"She was on cart defence, just in front of the second cart, the one that got knocked over by that titan. We were the team behind it. I guess she got hurt in the crash, cause she was crawling away when we got around. The titan grabbed her and bit her head off. We all saw it happen."

Erwin remembered seeing something similar to that. Sophie had tried to save a young woman from the titan, hadn't she? The details were a little fuzzy.

"When we went to support the right flank after that, Tom was fighting like he was in a blind rage. I thought he was going to get himself killed. He… I won't go into detail, but he was being reckless and he almost got somebody else killed, and they were fighting about it as soon as they got home. I should have realized sending him out to fight right away wasn't ideal. Maybe I should have kept my team back."

Erwin was about to say something about how that wasn't Gerhardt's fault, when the other man continued. "Kris is gone too. His squad was in the right flank at the time. He was the last person who graduated from my Training Corps with me that was still around. Now I'm the only one left."

Keith put his hand on Gerhardt's arm in a comforting gesture, but neither he nor Erwin spoke.

Then the waitress came back with a large tray, balancing all their food. "Alrighty, so we have an eggs and hashbrown special," she started in a loud, bubbly voice, setting it in front of Erwin, "one blueberry muffin," she gave Keith a plate with the muffin and a small dish with butter, "and the waffles for you!" The waffles were placed in front of Gerhardt, and he gave them a withering look.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" she asked, looking around the table with a bright smile.

After a pause just a heartbeat too long, Erwin took it upon himself to reply. "No, we're good. Thank you."

"Alright, just let me know." And she left.

It didn't feel appropriate to just start eating, and Erwin's fork skirted around the edge of his plate.

"I'm sorry," Gerhardt said finally. "I don't mean to be such a downer."

"What?" Erwin asked. "No, you're not -"

"Sure." There may have been a hint of a laugh in Gerhardt's voice. "Go ahead and enjoy your breakfast."

Erwin stared down at his eggs guiltily, but his companions had no reservations about diving into their food. So he soon followed their example.

Talk turned to lighter things, although it always connected to their work in some way, such as discussing their horses, or upcoming time off, or about which luxuries would most likely be dropped from the budget. Despite its price, no one was willing to forego coffee at the moment. It may have been marked down as a "luxury item" and taxed as such, but in the minds of many Survey Corps officers, it had the same status as a staple food item.

About halfway through their meal, Gerhardt turned to Erwin and said, "Do you mind if I ask about your new guy?"

"New guy?"

"That criminal you took into your squad. You know, the short guy."

"Oh, right." Erwin had actually not thought of it as having taken Levi into his squad. He had just taken charge of Flagon's squad when he saw Flagon and his second in command were gone. At the time, he had not been thinking about Levi's future placement because he was used to reminding himself that no one had truly survived an expedition until that expedition was over, and it had not yet been over. "You mean Levi."

"Is that his name? What's going to happen to him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are we keeping him around?" Gerhardt turned to Keith now, but the commander didn't have anything to say either. "I know you gave Erwin free leave to deal with Lovof as he saw fit, but you two must have discussed what you would be doing with that Underground trio once all that was over."

"Not really a trio now. It's just the one guy left," Erwin said. With Gerhardt still reeling from the death of his friend, it might have been a bit cheap to bring it up, but Gerhardt had been clear from the start that he didn't like the idea of bringing Levi's group to the Survey Corps. Maybe knowing what had happened to the other two would make him more sympathetic towards Levi. And more likely to let this go.

"Yeah, and it's the really scary one that's left, isn't it?" Gerhardt asked.

"I wouldn't call Levi scary," Erwin said. "But he was the leader of the group."

"Still not worried about him, even after that, huh?" Gerhardt continued, his eyes flicking pointedly down at Erwin's right hand.

When Levi had swung his blade at Erwin's throat, Erwin had instinctively tried to knock it aside with his arm, but had only been quick enough to block it with his hand. He had felt the hesitation in Levi's swing - if it were harder, he could have lost some fingers - and that had convinced him that it was worth trying to talk to Levi, rather than fight him. But he hadn't trusted Levi enough to let go, so he'd held on, and it had cut deep.

Taking down that titan that had chased him and Levi had just put more pressure on it and made it worse. When they got to the checkpoint that night, he'd gotten four stitches and a light wrapping, and was told that he should probably avoid using his hand for a bit. Between him and Levi, his squad had been considered incapacitated enough to be placed on cart defence, but even while avoiding combat, Erwin had still managed to aggravate the wound enough to reopen it, so this time he'd left the infirmary with bandages that looked like a white fingerless glove twice the size of his hand.

"It looks way worse than it is," he said truthfully.

"Don't bullshit me. Mike told me what happened."

"Ah, I see."

"What happened?" Keith asked.

"That thug tried to kill him," Gerhardt said. "And Erwin brought him back."

"You didn't tell me about that," Keith said, looking at Erwin.

"Well, I wasn't trying to hide it." Erwin ate a forkful of hashbrowns, less because he was still hungry and more because he was trying to act casual. "That's not how I would describe it anyway." Neither of them looked convinced to let it go.

Erwin began listing off his points, counting them out on his fingers. "He had just seen his friends and the rest of his squad get eaten by titans. He blamed me for getting his friends killed by bringing them into the Survey Corps. He was angry when he found out the truth about Lovof."

"You told him about all that?" Gerhardt asked, at the mention of Lovof.

"I told him enough. He was highly emotional, and he attacked me because he was angry. Despite what Mike might say, I don't believe he was trying to kill me," Erwin lied. "It's not the first time I've had to deal with someone who's acted violently in an emotional outburst. But we talked, and I think we came to an understanding. He didn't act out again on the way home."

"Yeah, because he was in shock," Gerhardt said. "We all saw him. That blank look on his face. What about when that goes away, and he gets angry again?"

"People don't get in trouble for things they might theoretically do. If that happens again, I'll deal with it then."

"I just don't think that guy should be in the Survey Corps at all."

"His name is Levi." Erwin wasn't sure why he felt the need to say it.

"Okay, Erwin." Gerhardt sounded like he was getting fed up with the politeness, because it wasn't the first time Erwin had insisted he change his tone when talking about "those thugs."

"He's not exactly in my squad, anyway," Erwin said. "I didn't know what to do with him at the time."

"Well, good," Gerhardt said. "I don't think he should stay there."

"It's up to you," Erwin said, looking at Keith.

Keith had been even more quiet than Gerhardt usually was, though that might be because of the latter's sudden burst of talkativeness. He looked like he still didn't know what to say. "Well… I did agree to let him in. I won't discharge him just yet, if Erwin insists that the outburst was understandable. There are more suitable punishments. As for his placement, I had thought he'd stay with Erwin, or maybe go to a squad that needs more people."

Erwin set aside his fork, giving up on eating any more. "I thought it would be best if he stayed with me. He had trouble with authority at first, but I think I've gotten through to him, and he's already getting used to my squad members."

Gerhardt gave him a hard look. "He tried to kill you."

"Keep your enemies closer," Erwin muttered.

"Bullshit. That's too dangerous. And if he has trouble with authority, that's his problem."

"He's sort of my responsibility. And I think he needs some stability for now."

"We're not deciding this today, so there's no need to discuss it right now," Keith interjected. "Erwin, you and I can go over this later."

"Very well."

"I just think he should be in a different squad," Gerhardt mumbled into his tea, but from the sound of his tone, he was done arguing for now.

Erwin's thoughts turned inward. He thought of all the people who were getting annoyed with him lately, thinking over the meeting from earlier, and the conversation with a very concerned Mike whom Erwin had tasked with keeping an eye on Levi. Then he thought about Levi himself, and those eyes of his. Eyes filled with despair. Eyes burning with fury. Eyes that were dull and empty.

This time the conversation just died down rather than turn to lighter things. In the end, despite being the one most enthusiastic about going out to eat, Erwin was the only one who didn't finish his meal.


All around him was chaos. Titans crowded around them, and broken, half-eaten bodies lay strewn across the muddy ground. He had slipped from his horse and was struggling to get to his feet when the giant hand grabbed Furlan.

"No!" Levi tried to push himself up with his hands, but they just sunk further into the soft mud and he slipped forward. He was getting clumsy, and slow. This wasn't like him. If there was anything Levi could claim about himself, anything that he was proud of, it was that he was dependable.

He had never failed to protect his friends before, yet all he could do was watch as the titan swallowed Furlan whole.

There was too much shock to feel grief, or even fear. But there was denial. The titan had not bitten him in half, so Furlan could be alive. He had to be alive. There was simply no way Levi could accept any other outcome. Isabel was gone, but Furlan could not also be gone.

With that hope in his mind, Levi was up, and his blades were drawn. He flung his left hook into the titan's rib cage, his body jerking sideways roughly before hurtling forwards, because he was only using one of his grappling wires. Using only one was more dangerous but it was also quicker, and left the second available if he needed to change his trajectory. He was being reckless, but if ever there was a time to be reckless, this was it.

The titan reached out for him - it really was a risky move to approach it from the front - so he released the left hook, shot the right one into the titan's shoulder, and expelled a heavy burst of gas to fling himself out of the titan's reach.

Levi made an arc, downwards and then up, bringing up both his blades and spreading them to cut into a V. He had actually cut his way into the titan's body, and was balancing himself with one foot planted firmly in an open wound. He tried not to think about this as he reached for the tawny-coloured leather jacket in front of him. He jerked on the sleeve so the person turned over, and he saw Furlan's face.

The titan had grabbed Levi's green cape, and was pulling on it. Levi could feel himself being lifted, and a glance over his shoulder to see where they could land showed that multiple other titans had crowded in on their position. Levi knew they were in great danger, and needed to move fast, so he decided to let gravity do the work. He wrapped an arm around Furlan's shoulders and jumped back, just as he released the right hook.

They hit the ground and rolled, Levi trying to keep Furlan from taking the brunt of the fall. Levi ended up on his back, cold water seeping through the backs of his pants and into his hair. Furlan's body was sprawled awkwardly across Levi's. He was hot; it wasn't the warmth of life, but the burning heat that characterized the insides of titans.

When Levi looked down the length of their bodies, he saw that Furlan's lower body was mangled, like he had been chewed. It took him a moment to realize it, because of the rain, and all the mud, and the awkward angle, but Furlan had no legs. On top of that, he was oddly still. Even with their chests pressed together, Levi couldn't feel him breathing.

Levi reached one hand up tentatively and placed it on Furlan's burning hot cheek, hoping to get his attention. The rain was still falling hard and it was on Levi's face and in his eyes. Hot and cold water flowed down his cheeks. He blinked it all away.

Suddenly there was movement above him, like Furlan had shifted, and Furlan's face was pressed into Levi's throat. He was still hot, and damp, and it felt like someone burning up with a fever. The thought brought a feeling of revulsion, but Levi didn't care about that right now. Furlan had moved.

"Hey. Are you there?" Levi knew better than to ask if he was okay. He turned Furlan over in his arms and brushed his blond hair out of his eyes, totally oblivious to the danger he was in. Levi was hunched over him, to shield the injured man from the onslaught of the rain. Furlan's eyelids fluttered and Levi's breath stopped in his throat. "Furlan?"

There were titans all around them. Levi didn't understand why the titans had not killed them yet. Even as Furlan blinked and Levi wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace, trying to convey so many things he didn't know how to say, or didn't have time to say, he couldn't help but think on the titans in the back of his mind.

Everything after that was a blur. One moment, Levi was on his horse, riding hard. In another, he was attacking a crouching titan that had just crashed into a cart, hacking and spinning and slicing away at it in a methodical frenzy, venting himself in a way that only barely scratched the surface of his rage, and there was hot blood splashing onto his face and into his mouth, and his body was soon enveloped in a cloud of steam as it evaporated off of him…

And then he heard a horrible squealing, and realized that he was standing on the ground - it felt like it had been forever since his feet had been steady underneath him like this - and a horse was lying on its side in front of him, kicking its legs wildly in a panic. It looked like someone had hacked the animal up with a machete.

Levi was disturbed at the thought that someone would do something like this to an innocent animal. But there was no one else around. Levi's own blades were bloody.

He couldn't have done this. He would never do something like this.

But he had done some pretty sick things to people in the past.

Suddenly the horse's cries offended him, like a reminder of every bad thing he'd done, and he brought his blade down to put it out of its misery, and then when it wouldn't die, in anger, again and again, because he just wanted it to stop making those awful sounds, he didn't want to see it suffer, or listen to it anymore, he wished it would just die -

Levi stopped himself midswing when he saw a man kneeling before him, and realized he had almost cut off his head. The man had grabbed his blade with his hand, and looked up at Levi with fierce blue eyes that burned with resolve, and Levi's world stopped turning.

Levi opened his eyes and took in the room around him. He had fallen asleep in a chair at some point, and from how dark and quiet it was, it had not been long ago. Well, he was used to that. He pulled himself out of his chair with the intent of finding something to do.

He wandered through dark hallways, then past the mess hall, until he found the cleaning room, from which he grabbed a bucket, and a variety of other cleaning supplies. He piled the rags and such into the bucket, and took it all up to his room. He was already in casual clothes, so all he had to do was throw on his apron and tie a couple scarves around his hair and mouth before getting to work.

Levi had enlisted Furlan and Isabel to help him clean some of the men's barracks once before. Since then, however, he'd only kept up his and Furlan's room, and even that had been neglected for a few days because of the expedition. He started by dusting their room from top to bottom, then stripped the sheets from both their mattresses and bundled them up near the door. Then he got out the broom and swept the floor of any dust that had fallen from his earlier dusting.

After he was done with their room, Levi went to the bathroom and filled the bucket with a mix of soap and water. He mopped the bathroom first, since he was there, soon groaning in disgust at the state of the floors around the toilets. He might just go get another mop before doing the hallways; wouldn't do to contaminate the rest of the building with… this.

Some time later, the sun had come up and people began leaving their rooms to head into the bathroom. Levi wasn't paying much attention, but he could feel the presence of other people coming and going around him, and had for the past fifteen minutes. Occasionally some of the men would stop to look at him, and muttered to each other in confusion when they realized what was going on.

"Yeah, he was already down here when I came by earlier."

"What do you think he did, to get a reprimand like that?"

"Has anyone even seen this guy before?"

"Did he clean upstairs too? Looks like someone did."

Levi was on his hands and knees in the main room-turned-lounge downstairs by now, reaching under a side table he didn't feel like pulling out so he could wipe at the floor underneath. Two people walked over from the edge of his vision until they were standing roughly behind him.

"I thought we weren't allowed to haze the new guys," one of them joked. "Well, I would have come up with something better than cleaning the barracks, anyway."

"By something better, do you mean something more cruel?"

"What? No, of course not. I meant something like… make him wear a funny hat all day. I don't know."

Levi certainly would not agree to something like that, but he was intrigued by the conversation enough to sit back and look over his shoulder at the men talking.

"Hey," one of them said when he saw Levi paying attention to them. Levi recognized his voice as that of the man who had suggested making him wear a funny hat. He looked to be about Levi's type, as far as looks went - fairly tall, broad-shouldered, with blue eyes and well-groomed light blond hair, and he was devastatingly handsome, in a pretty boy sort of way. Levi hated him on sight.

"Whatcha doin'?" the man asked.

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Deciding that the floor under the table was clean enough, Levi grabbed onto the table and pulled himself up.

The blond guy's companion said, "Nice attitude," sarcastically and left.

Levi suddenly remembered Furlan leaning over to whisper in his ear, "Be nice."

"I'm cleaning."

"Why?"

"Because this place is fucking filthy. These barracks are just like the stables out back. They're crowded full of animals, and dirty, and there's mud on the floor, and they smell like shit. Except I'd rather hang out with the horses than anybody here."

Well so much for being nice.

The blond soldier didn't look offended, but he stared at Levi with a wide gaze that said he hadn't expected all that, and he maybe thought Levi was a little crazy.

"OK. Well, have fun with that." He walked out the front door.

Then a bell rang, and there were soon people all over the place, too many for him to keep cleaning. He grabbed his bucket and tossed the used mop and rags inside, then picked it up to bring it back to the bathroom. When he turned around, someone very tall was right in his face. His eyes were about level with the person's stomach, which didn't seem right. Yes, Levi was short, but he wasn't that short.

"Sorry, Levi," said a familiar voice, in response to Levi's startled step back. "It's almost time for breakfast you realize?"

It was Mike. Of course. The tallest man Levi had ever met. Maybe the tallest man in the world. He took another step back so he could better see the other man's face when he looked up. "So?"

"You aren't in uniform yet."

"So?"

"So… you're supposed to be when you go to the mess hall."

"I'm not hungry."

"Nobody asked if you were hungry. You have to go. They check to make sure everyone is awake."

Levi was annoyed, but he had already been stopping, so he saw no point in arguing. He stepped around Mike quickly, without bothering to excuse himself.

Mike's hand landed on Levi's shoulder, and Levi spun around, shaking it off angrily. "What the fuck?"

"You need to work on your attitude. You shouldn't be taking that tone with your superiors."

"Eat my ass."

Mike almost looked like he was about to grin. "If it were up to me, you'd already be in deep trouble for what happened on the expedition. But it isn't up to me, it's up to Erwin, and he deferred your punishment until he came back. If I'm being honest, he's probably going to let you go with a relative slap on the wrist, so try not to embarrass him by acting up while he's away."

Mike allowed him to go, and Levi stalked up the stairs. Levi had not seen Erwin since they had returned from the expedition, and he had not thought about him much.

He had not thought about anything much.

He went to the bathroom first, dumping the bucket of dirty water in the sink next to some people brushing their teeth, a couple of whom shot him dirty looks for it. He left the cleaning supplies in the bathroom, heedless of the strange stares he was getting, and went to his and Furlan's room to change.

He was changed into his uniform and brushing his teeth in record time. Judging from the comments made by the few stragglers in the bathroom with him, who were rushing, there wasn't much time before breakfast, so he skipped on shaving for now. Dropping off his things in his room, he shrugged on his jacket while he made his way down the hall.

Mike was leaning against the wall by the door to the mess hall when Levi arrived and they walked in together. "You'll be sitting at our table," was all Mike said, gesturing to where Emil and Sophie sat at the end of one long table. They both got in line for food, because while Levi wasn't very hungry, he didn't want to sit with people without something to act as a distraction.

As soon as he and Mike sat down across from Emil and Sophie, Levi asked, "So I showed up for roll call. How long do I have to stay here?"

"We're doing training today. And the usual upkeep," Mike said. Well, that didn't answer his question. Mike sniffed at his food before eating it, which Levi found odd. Did the food smell weird? Levi sniffed at it too, but the porridge just smelled like porridge to him.

Sophie elaborated for him. "After an expedition, 'usual upkeep' basically means we take the horses out for a bit, to make sure they're still in good shape, do the same for ourselves - light exercise drills and such - and perform maintenance on our gear."

Sophie and Emil chatted comfortably throughout breakfast, and Mike occasionally joined in, although he was fairly quiet. Levi grumbled about not having time to brush their teeth after breakfast, which was when they should do it, but was otherwise silent. Training went the same, and as he watched the other soldiers slowly seem to relax over the course of the day, Levi just became more miserable. How long was he going to stay here with these people? Listen to their friendly banter? Hear their ridiculous claims that they were going to get rid of the titans?

It occurred to Levi that he could leave if he wanted to. Bits of the expedition that he had forgotten were coming back to him now, although it was hard to separate reality from his dreams and nightmares in some cases, but he had been thinking of Erwin and the conversation they had had since Mike had mentioned him. Something he'd said stuck out to him now.

"From here on out, there's no deal."

Levi really had no obligation to stay. Erwin wouldn't force him to, and wouldn't follow Levi if he left. A part of him wanted to run away.

So why was he still here?