Hey guys! I hope everyone is having a great day or night or whatever...December :)
Alright so, this chapter is long but important so sorry for the length but hopefully it's interesting. I mean Daryl Dixon with condoms...how could that not be great, right?
So with that thought in mind..enjoy!
We. All. Got. Jobs. To. Do.
~MaggieRhee
"If being wrong's a crime,
I'm serving forever
If being strong's your kind,
Then I need help here with this feather."
-Swingin' Party.
-Lorde.
The weeks since Carol and Tyreese came to Terminus had been well. I'd noticed that having muscle like Tyreese around made people feel safe and, when needed, intimidated. Carol joined Maggie and Sasha in teaching sessions. Carol organized Maggie and Sasha and even had some rough lesson plans for them to use in class. Between the three of them it was almost like real school for the kids. They'd recently decided to start holding night classes for adults as well. I'm not sure if Maggie would have been a teacher if things had never changed but, in this world, it gave her a purpose that she was glad to have.
I'd still been helping on the council and I got to introduce Tyreese and Carol to the people who lived here. Only a handful of people here had been at the prison with us and remembered them, so I had to tell the rest of the population, which was small, that they were to be trusted without question. Rick said that he would've done it but I didn't mind. I usually gave speeches and spoke to everyone as it was needed. Rick sometimes could seem like he was crazed when he spoke to large groups so, for the sake of everyone else, it was better to get all of that out behind closed doors with the council, and have me deliver the final word. Besides Rick had been trying to spend as much time as possible with Judith. She was almost six months old and he barely knew her. I couldn't blame him for wanting time with his daughter.
One night after they'd arrived, I was woken up with something hitting me in the face. I opened my eyes, confused, and picked up what had been thrown at me, discovering they were condoms that Beth and I had taken.
I looked around, hoping to see Maggie, but instead found Daryl.
"Morning?" I said, not sure why he looked so furious.
"What the Hell is this man? He yelled. I shushed him so he wouldn't wake Maggie.
"Hey, what're you talking about?" he didn't answer, instead he just threw more condoms at me. "Daryl, they're condoms, you use them for sex okay? Go back to bed." I turned over.
"Wish I could." he yanked me back so I looked at him. "Beth got these out tonight."
"Oh yeah?" I said, glancing at Maggie to make sure she was asleep. "Congrats man."
"Do you not get it?" he asked and I shook my head.
He seemed to relax a bit but still pulled me up and away from Maggie.
"Come here," he pulled me outside. "Look," he said as he pinched the wrapped condom between his fingers.
"What?" I asked.
"There's no air in it. The package is deflated." he said it like it was a big deal.
"Okay." I said. He hit me over the top of the head and I flinched. "Okay, what the Hell? You wake me up in the middle of the night, throw condoms in my face, pull me out of bed, and hit me, but you still haven't told me what this is about."
He grinned in a pissed off way. "If the wrapper is deflated, that means there's a hole in the condom."
His words sunk in through my fatigue. I felt sick. "What?"
"They're all like this. Some troll from before must've thought he was clever."
My eyes were wide. "So you can't use them?" I asked.
"God no, not unless you want a whole lotta somethin' awful to happen."
I swallowed hard, trying to stay on my feet. "Like what?" I asked.
"Why?" he said. "You didn't use these right? You just told Beth which ones to get."
I looked at him. "No, I-I," I stumbled over my words and my thoughts raced. "Me and Maggie we-it can't, I didn't-it just can't-" My knees failed me and Daryl put his arms out.
"Glenn, hey man, get up."
He pulled me to my feet again. "Did you and Maggie use these?" he asked.
I felt tears burn behind my panicked eyes. "Yeah," I swallowed. "Yeah we did."
He backed away from me like unsafe sex was contagious. I could tell the same thoughts were going through his head.
"How long ago?" he asked.
"Our anniversary. Right before Tyreese and Carol got back." I counted the weeks in my head. "Six weeks ago." I said.
"Six weeks?" he said. "Has Maggie been on her...you know?" he trailed off.
I felt like a million bricks hit me all at once.
I used to be able to keep close count of the days as they passed so I could have supplies for her when she needed them, so she never had to worry. It'd been almost two months since her last period, as far as as she had told me, which she always did.
"No, no Daryl, it can't-she can't-we can't be-" I shook my head frantically. "This can't happen. We've always been so careful since L-Lori and Judith." I stopped as my world came crumbling down. "Jesus Daryl, when Lori had Judith she-she-"
"Hey," Daryl said, grabbing me. "That's not going to happen to Maggie, alright?" he grabbed my face so I looked at him. His expression was firm, but his eyes revealed that he was shaken too. "We will not let that happen again, okay?"
I nodded weakly. My mind was so blurred by shock and sorrow that his voice sounded like we were under water.
"Are you sure she hasn't had her period?" he asked.
"I-I'm pretty sure." I nodded.
He let me go and turned his back for a moment. "You just need to talk to her." he looked at me. "To make sure. Besides, you gotta tell her about this."
"How? " I asked, baffled. "How do you tell someone who you've kept safe, who you promised that you wouldn't let anything happen to, that you've put them in a situation as dangerous as this?"
"Maggie is strong. She doesn't need you to keep her safe."
I looked up at him. "I know she is. Of course she is."
"Glenn, she might not even be pregnant." he said.
I scoffed. "To believe that, Daryl, would be counting on a miracle and that's something that, even I, ruled out a long time ago." I shook my head. "Miracles don't happen anymore."
He glanced between my eyes and then spoke. "Wouldn't kill you to have a little faith." he said.
Faith. It's something that had allowed me and Maggie to get through some awful times. Maggie had always had it, even when I didn't. At times like these, it seemed like it was all I had to rely on.
"Besides," Daryl said. "It looks like you'll both be needing a lot of it."
I nodded at him before returning to Maggie.
I stayed away from her, feeling nauseous at the thought of all the hurt I might've caused her. She laid in bed, so unknowing, naive, innocent. She would wake up to a normal day, not knowing what I'd done to her.
She stirred in her sleep and reached out for me. Her hands were unsatisfied with the empty bed beside her.
"Glenn?" she asked in a groggy morning voice. I realized then that it was probably almost sunrise. "Glenn, Glenn?" she asked again, her voice getting worried.
"I'm here, Maggie. I'm here." I crawled back in next to her. "I'm here."
She smiled, still not completely awake, and turned away from me.
"Good." she said.
I put my arms around her and held her close. I kissed the top of her head, and took in her scent. Now, I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to do this.
A few moments ago, she was so secure and safe with me. In our own perfect world, before light, in our bed, tangled up in each other, I knew I could protect her. Now, after these years of protecting her, suddenly, I'd become dangerous.
I was on edge the rest of the day. I couldn't even look at Maggie without the thought of a baby popping into my head. After what had happened to Lori at the prison, it wasn't something I could bare thinking about for too long.
I'm sure it was impossible. There was no way that she could be pregnant, regardless of the condom incident. Things like that probably happened all the time before the walkers. Not everyone who used a bad condom got pregnant, did they? Besides, in this world, who even knew if Maggie's body was still healthy enough to carry a child. She'd been nearly starved, particularly when the Termites still ran things. Sometimes, when I held her, she felt so small that I could crush her if I wasn't careful enough. Surely, her body couldn't handle a baby. Not to mention that weather over the winter had taken quite the toll on all of us. I knew that some of the excuses I was making were quite the stretch, but I had to keep convincing myself that she would be fine.
"Hey," Maggie said as she nudged me at lunch that day.
I jumped at her touch. "Oh, hey, Mags." I said before kissing her on the cheek, trying to act normal.
She wasn't buying it. She gave me a look from across the table and I just shook my head, trying to brush it off.
"So, Maggie, have you told Glenn about Carol's new bright idea?" Sasha said she she picked at her mushy green beans.
"No, I haven't had the chance yet. Plus, I think she wanted to tell the council herself."
"What? What about Carol?" I asked. Maybe something else could take my mind off of what I'd been obsessing over.
"It's pretty wild, Glenn." Maggie said.
"It's stupid." Sasha said, not shying away from her opinion. "It's a waste."
"What is it?" I asked.
Maggie looked over at me. "Well, Carol doesn't think that just classes are enough for the kids. She thinks they need more than that."
"Like what?" I asked.
"She wants to start a daycare type service. Well, not a service really, but-you know what I mean. Anyways, she thinks it will encourage some of the adults around here to be more willing to help out with the younger kids."
"How so?" I asked.
"She said that she thinks it's more likely that people will sort of 'adopt' the children if there's someplace they can go during the day when everyone else has jobs they're doing." she explained.
"Adopt?" I said, almost choking on the word.
"Right?" Sasha said, "It's impossible. Plus she's never going to get the council to agree to let us off of the rest of our duties to run it."
"I don't think it'd be much use anyways. I mean, I love Carol and everything but I think she's over estimating people."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"With this whole 'adopting' thing. As much as the adults here are willing to help out with things that need done, kids are a big undertaking. There's a lot of responsibility that comes with raising a child, especially in this world."
"Well, sure, but you're responsible for large groups of kids every single day." I said.
"Yeah, and then after class, I'm not."
"Thank God for that." Sasha added. "I can't imagine trying to keep track of someone so small in this world. And some of the littlest ones are only four years old. Can you imagine being in charge of a person that little all the time?" she said.
"I wouldn't want to be." Maggie said.
My heart dropped and I looked at Daryl, who's eyes glared into mine. "Why not?" I said, looking to Maggie.
"I already said, all the responsibility. Not only do you have to do all the parenting things parents have been doing for ages, like building character and teaching it how to be a good person and-"
"Well, yeah but how hard could that be? Especially for you when you're such a good person?"
"Yeah but Glenn, these kids aren't normal anymore. Carl isn't, Judith won't be, and the kids that I teach aren't. They see all this death everyday. The things they've seen and heard. They're constantly worried all the time. It breaks my heart." she paused and looked at Sasha. "You know, Cameron, the little red headed shy boy?"
"Yeah, of course." she said.
"Well, he was in my morning class today and we were going over different hiding places and how to stay quiet if you're in danger, which is usually something they enjoy because we make it sort of like a game of hide-and-go-seek, but he came up and hid with me and told me this story."
"What story?" I asked, nervous for the answer.
"It was of him and his parents. He said they were at this library and he was hiding like his mom told him to, in between the shelves or something. And then while his parents were rummaging for supplies, you know, just anything they could use, there were some walkers that came in from the back. I guess this was pretty early on and they didn't know how to protect themselves. They were bit right in front of him."
"That's horrible." Beth chimed in.
"Well, that's not all," she continued. "After the walkers had passed, he went over to his parents to try to wake them up." she just paused. "Of course that didn't work. Anyways, after he ran away from them I guess some of the Termites found him in some car near the border, saw how young he was and brought him in. They fed him for a while before they decided he was big enough they could capture him for later." she shook her head and pushed her plate away from her. "He still has no idea what type of people they were."
"How old is he?" Daryl asked.
"Six." she said. "Maybe seven, he's not really sure."
"Six?" Beth asked.
"Mhm," Maggie said. "He's already seen so much and had to deal with so much that he doesn't even understand yet. So much death and despair in such a tiny life just doesn't seem fair. The world is raising him now and it's a harsh one."
"Yeah, but-" I tried to interrupt.
"And then you hear the stories of some of the mothers around here, some of them who are crazy enough to look after the kids from class. The things that happened to their children, I-'
"Like what?" I said.
She looked at me sorrowfully. "Sometimes, real early on, they were just going outside to play, just like any other afternoon. Sometimes they were crying too loud and made themselves known at exactly the wrong time. Hell, there's even one mother who told me that the weight of her baby was too much to carry. They just left the child behind and hoped they could get far enough away before it was attacked so they wouldn't have to hear the cries."
"That's insane." I said.
"Maybe." she said. "But sometimes the kids just get away from you, get lost. I wouldn't be able to handle that on my conscience if I couldn't find them again." she said. "Which is why I don't think Carol's idea will fly with the council."
Maggie and Sasha continued to prattle on about Carol and the daycare as I broke out in a sweat. I felt my body heart rise and my breath quicken. I tried to remain normal but it didn't work.
"Glenn," Maggie turned to me. "Are you okay? You don't look so good."
"Yeah, I-um." I said. "I just need some fresh air."
I walked until I was out of the group's sight, then ran until I was almost back to the bunk.
"Glenn, Glenn!" I heard Beth's voice calling after me. "Glenn, wait up!"
I turned to look at her and I felt tears burning behind my eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked, out of breath.
"Nothing Beth, nothing. Can you just go tell Maggie, that I'm fine. Just tell her I felt sick or something? I really don't need her worrying about me right now."
"Are you fine?" she asked. I looked at her. "Glenn, I know about the condoms okay?" her voice was hushed and I appreciated it. "You have to tell her."
"Beth how do you tell someone something like this? How do you explain this to someone you love?"
"You just have to."
"How Beth?" I started shouting at her, my eyes blurred with anger. I had to turn away.
I flet Beth's hand slip into mine and I realized that she was on my side of this. She was scared too. "How Beth?" I said, quieter. "How am I supposed to tell my wife what I've done to her?"
I felt her shake at my words before she spoke. "You don't know what you've done Glenn. Everything might be fine."
I turned to her. "Fine? Nothing is going to be fine Beth. I can't-I just-I-" I felt so defeated that I couldn't form words.
"You know what happened to Lori at the prison." I said to her, slowly. "I mean, God, Maggie was there. She was the one who delivered Judith, if you could even call it that. She was the whole tings and now-" my voice broke and so did I. "Now I have to tell her that the same thing is going to happen to her."
"We don't know what's going to happen Glenn. Things might be okay."
I looked at her and tried not to glare. "They might be okay? Come on Beth." I said. "You know better than that by now."
She looked at me for a second and then turned angry. "Damn it Glenn." she said. "You're acting like she's already dead. Like she's gone. Like she's not sitting in the dining hall right now completely clueless and naive, thinking that everything is okay. Quit acting like the next nine months have already happened. Quit acting like you know what's going to happen." she yelled.
I looked her as she backed away. "Listen, if she is really pregnant, then you better cry, or sob, or do whatever it is that you have to do today and get it over with. Because once you tell Maggie, you can't cry anymore. She's going to need you to be there for all three of you, okay?"
"Beth I-"
"Daryl told me you were scared." she said. "But if you think you're scared now, wait until you tell her. She's going to be terrified. But she'll be strong and make the best of it because that's who she is, and that's what you two do. That's what do both do."
"I don't know if I can Beth." I said honestly.
She got closer to me. "But you will, because it's who you are. It's who we all are. And that's what we'll all have to do." she said, and I looked at her. "Maggie may be your wife Glenn, but she's my sister and I need her just as much as you do. Don't keep acting like she's already dead."
I nodded and she began to walk away before she turned back to me. "And however you do decide to tell her, you better do it soon. If she is pregnant, you at least need to have options to look at."
"Beth, you know Maggie, she would never get rid of-"
"She was there with Lori, wasn't she?" she said. "Are you sure she wouldn't get rid of it?"
So, things are ramping up and I hope you like where things are headed. If not then...this is awkward.
Alright, so let me know what you think of the story! Do you love it, hate it, think I should probably just stop writing this because it's so awful? Let me know! I want to hear!
Also, if you have any ideas for the story, put them in a review so I can see them. I obviously have a plan for the story in the long run but let me know what you would like to see! Its always great to hear different ideas!
Thanks for reading!
We. All. Got. Jobs. To. Do.
~MaggieRhee
