Hey guys!
So how are you? It's accidentally been a couple weeks since I updated but I think that's probably because I was struggling writing this chapter. I originally had something else planned but you guys really wanted to see Glenn deal with his rape and I don't blame you bc I feel like that's something really interesting for his character to deal with.
So, since you guys demanded it, here it is. Well, this is the beginning of it anyways because obviously he has some recovering to do. But this is a start.
I will warn you that the Glenn part of this chapter does talk openly and explicitly about rape so, if that's something you're not comfortable with then I wouldn't suggest it. It's not too graphic but he talks about his emotions and feelings about what's happened to him and I could see how that might be triggering for some people. If you still want to read but want to avoid that part, then stop at the line that's about half way through this chapter.
Also, does anyone watch Fear? I do but idk it's not worth talking a bunch about I think. Interesting but just not TWD. If you guys have any thoughts about it you want to talk about leave me a review telling me what you think of it.
Alright, it's really long but there's lots of important intense stuff in it so enjoy!
We. All. Got. Jobs. To. Do.
~MaggieRhee
"Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left."
-Little Lion Man.
-Mumford and Sons
I woke up early the morning after Glenn and Daryl returned. I wish I could've slept in but I had gotten in the habit recently of waking up early so I could see if Glenn was back yet. Even though he was home now, the routine hadn't faded.
Terminus was practically empty as I walked out of Beth and Daryl's train car. The air was slightly crisp and the sky was gray and foggy. It wasn't the type of fog that meant it was going to rain but the type you get in your eyes in the morning. The world was just waking up.
Sometimes when I walked by myself in the mornings, I pretended that I was the only person in the world. There weren't any walkers or other people to disturb me. Just me and my baby. While imagining this made me feel lonely sometimes, it was better than being angry, especially at Glenn.
I went to the shift chart in the council room to see where I was needed. Usually I didn't need to check but after the incident when the Poets attacked and we discovered Glenn and Daryl were gone, we had done some rearranging. After we had lost people and Michonne had gone missing, there was even more rescheduling that had to be done. I could never be sure what I would be doing day to day.
As I looked down the chart, I noticed Glenn was back in rotation for this week. That means someone must've told Rick that he was back. Idly, I wondered if it was Rosita and if I would have to kick her ass again.
The only other people missing were Daryl, who obviously wasn't able to work, and we still hadn't found Michonne so things weren't completely back to normal.
We were starting to plant more crops and I had been assigned to work there for a few hours today. I had refused it when we first got here, but after the pitiful results of what the others had done, I knew they could use my green thumb. Or as Daddy used to call it, the Greene Thumb. After that I had a lunch break, and then Sasha and I had classes until dinner. Then I was on the air waves. I always put in a few hours, repeating the message until I was too tired and finally went to bed. I wondered sometimes if we should really be calling people to our camp, but Rick hadn't said to stop so I figured I could trust his judgment.
As I examined the rest of the chart to see where the others would be in case I needed to get to one of them, someone came up behind me.
I saw their finger press against the paper and scan down to their name. It was Glenn.
"Hey," he said softly.
I turned to look at him, his brown eyes looking back to me. He smiled softly, a peace offering.
It took a lot of energy to stay mad at Glenn. All I wanted to do was hold him, feel him, be beside him and let him know that I loved him. I needed to be in his arms and know that we were all okay, the three of us. However, I didn't need those things as much as I needed him to understand why I was angry. I didn't want to be mad but he had been so reckless which caused me and the baby to be in danger back at home. He had to know I was serious. I needed him to get serious about staying safe so we could protect our family.
I looked away from him at the floor and then turned to sit at one of the tables in the room.
I heard Glenn sigh. "So you're not talking to me now? I thought you just weren't living with me."
I didn't let my eyes meet his, but I raised my eye brows, surprised he went there.
He moved to sit beside me. "Maggie how many times do I have to say sorry?" he asked. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
All the response I gave was a nod. He reached for my hand but I moved away. "Maggie?" I was silent.
He looked at me for a moment and then moved back to his side of the bench we were sitting on. He put his elbows on his knees and his face in his palms. "Alright, well, I talked to Rick last night." he said, wanting to have a conversation. I didn't cooperate.
"Alright then, long story short, he's having a meeting today before lunch. He'll announce it at breakfast but just know that unless you're at the perimeter, your schedule is cleared for it." he looked at me, still longing for me to speak to him but also annoyed that I wasn't.
He sighed again and hit his legs before standing up to leave. "Just thought I'd let you know."
I sat there, unmoving, and didn't speak to him.
He looked back at me from the door way. "Maggie, I'm ready for you to come back whenever you are. We don't have to discuss it or anything. Just come back with me." he said.
I remained silent. His offer was tempting, especially at this time. We had a few more hours until our shifts started. I could just go crawl into bed next to him and sleep in his arms for a while.
But I knew I couldn't. I couldn't forgive him because I always forgave him. If I forgave him now, he would be out next week doing something incredibly dangerous again.
Glenn had to understand how serious I was about this.
I stood up and walked over to him. He reached out for me, expecting an embrace, but I didn't allow it. I stepped back and he put his arms down. I, then, walked forward so we were inches from each other.
"Maggie, please." he said, his hand out.
I lifted my fingers to play with the cuff of his long sleeved shirt, careful not to touch the skin. My hands lightly grazed their way up his biceps. His breath heavied.
He had just showered, his hair still slightly damp and pushed back away from his face. His skin smelled fresh, like soap and heat. I looked up to meet his eyes as my hands met the material that covered his collar bones. His eyes were wide and expectant as I traced a path down his chest, careful to make sure my touch wasn't too heavy, too tempting.
I reached his belt and allowed my finger tips to trace the dull metal buckle. He closed his eyes and sighed. He looked incredible and I had a hard time not staring at him. "Maggie, please." he begged. "Come home with me. Come back." his voice was heavy and full of lust.
I slipped my forefinger into the waist of his pants and pulled him towards me, never letting myself touch his pale skin that was inches away.
"Maggie," he breathed as we were almost touching. "Come home."
I looked at him and he opened his eyes. "I can't." I said.
I pulled my hand away and I heard him allow a small groan to escape his lips.
I turned towards the door. I could feel Glenn's eyes on me as I walked away.
Maggie was being really torturous. In the best way possible of course, but still, torturous nonetheless. The way she teased me with innocent touch drove me crazy. It had been months since I had been with Maggie. After what happened with Julie, all I really wanted to do was be with Maggie and forget about it.
After checking my shifts for the week and running into Maggie, I decided to go and see how Daryl was doing.
I knocked on Dr. Peter's office door and heard him tell me to come in.
I entered and saw Daryl on the same cot he was on last night. His eyes were closed.
"How's he doing?" I asked, walking over to Dr. Peters who was still stitching him up.
Dr. Peters scoffed. "He's a trooper, I'll tell you that much." he said.
"Yeah, he's a tough son of a bitch." I smiled. I looked at his arm. "Wow, that looks really great. I can't believe it!" I said, honestly. When the ax came down on his arm last night I thought it was gone forever.
Dr. Peters shrugged. "Well, it's not my best work but it's the best I could do with what I had." he smirked. "There was a brief period of time where I was a trauma surgeon so I dealt with my fair share of amputees." Idly, I thought of Herschel and smiled. "This was a pretty clean cut and reattachment was fairly easy." Dr. Peters said.
"Will he be able to use it?" I asked.
"I hope so." Dr. Peters sighed. "Maybe not entirely but I was able to reconnect most of the nerve endings. I'm sure we'll be seeing him back with his crossbow soon enough." he smiled.
Daryl was still covered in mud and dirt from the trip home last night. He was shirtless but someone had finally given him more than a blanket to cover up with.
"And you did this just with the pain meds you had here?"
He smiled. "At first, but then Beth went on a run a few hours ago to get more. She went when it was still dark out." he said.
I was surprised by this. "Beth went by herself last night?" I asked.
"Yes, but she said no one can tell Maggie. She knows her sister well I suppose." Dr. Peters said.
I nodded. "Maggie's just protective is all. She wants to make sure everyone close to her is safe."
"Is that what you two were hollerin' about last night?" Daryl said, waking up.
"Hey," I smiled.
Daryl looked to Dr. Peters. "Hey, you been asleep yet?" he asked.
Dr. Peters smiled. "Do you want the truth or something to make you feel more comfortable that I've been working on you?"
Daryl smirked, in good spirits. "Am I good?" Daryl asked, looking down at his arm. "It looks good."
Dr. Peters shrugged. "Um, I'm not sure yet. I've worked to try to give you as much use as possible."
"Should he try to move it?" I asked.
Dr. Peters nodded. "Go ahead and wiggle your fingers for me." he said.
"Alright." Daryl replied.
We all waited and watched Daryl's right hand. I saw the strain in his face as he focused. He leaned his head back in defeat, but tried again. Veins were pushing through to his skin's surface as he tried to force his hand to move.
He finally gave up. "Damn it!" he said.
"That doesn't mean it doesn't work." Dr. Peters said. "It might take time for your body to adjust. You had your arm taken off and reattached in just a few hours. Give it time."
Daryl nodded. "Alright. Lucky for you guys I'm doped up on all these pain meds right now or else I would be raisin' hell over this. Cut off my damn arm." he scoffed.
"Hey fuck those guys." I said. "We'll get 'em." I assured.
"Yeah," he agreed. "We will."
Dr. Peters interrupted. "Let's not forget who got you the medication that's keeping you so calm right now." He pointed to Beth who was slumped over in a chair in the corner. Her small frame raising with each deep breath of sleep.
Daryl smiled, looking at her. "Yeah, she's like an angel ain't she?" he said. "Has she been here all night?"
"Yes, after she came back with what we needed and saw you were okay she finally started to rest." Dr. Peters explained. "I have to tell you both, I was starting to worry about those Greene sisters when you were gone."
"Why's that?" Daryl asked.
"Neither of them could sleep hardly at all when you guys were out these." he was washing his hands as he spoke. "If you boys didn't come back, I don't know what they would've done."
Daryl's rough voice defended, "Well yeah, but it was only for a few days. How much sleep could they have lost?" he scoffed. "Hell, I've seen Beth stay up for three nights in a row just thinkin' about the world, her little mind runnin' wild. I doubt a couple nights did that much damage."
Dr. Peters looked at me in confusion and it occurred to me that no one had told Daryl the real story. How long we had been gone and that Michonne had gone missing when she went out looking for us. Hell, he didn't know about the attack or the people we had lost either.
I nodded at Dr. Peters and he walked away. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm going to go see if I can find some sort of sling to help the healing process along."
Daryl eyed him as he walked away. "What's goin' on?' he asked me.
I sat on a chair by his cot. "Um, how long do you think we were gone?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I dunno. Felt like a couple days. How long was it really?" he asked.
"Three weeks." I said. "Maggie said that we had been gone twenty days."
His eyes widened but he didn't look too shocked. "Damn, three weeks?" he shook his head. "I knew it had been longer than I thought but I didn't know it had been that long."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well it felt like a couple days to me but whatever those girls had us on had me all fucked up. When Beth and Maggie came to get us I thought they looked different."
"How?"
"Well Beth had a bunch of new scratches, ones that I ain't ever seen before but too many to just get in three days. And she's got a bald spot behind her left ear like someone had tried pullin' out her hair." he said. I wondered if that had happened during the attack. "And Maggie," he smiled. "It's only been three weeks but she's lookin' a little rounder. I noticed." he said.
I smiled. "Yeah, it's great isn't it?" I said.
He nodded and smiled. "I'm worried about her, but yeah man, I think it's great for you." he stopped. "Anyways I couldn't be for sure last night. Between the pain and the drugs I didn't know what was real or fake."
I nodded. "I know what you mean." I said, thinking about what happened with Julie. My memory of it was blurrier now than it had been, but I could still remember some of the details. It bothered me to know that I had done that, even if it wasn't my fault, with someone who wasn't Maggie. I didn't blame myself or feel guilty like I had when I first woke up, now I just felt dirty and gross. It didn't sit right with me.
Idly, I wondered if the same thing had happened to Daryl. We were both naked when the girls found us and I could only assume the same thing happened when he was drugged. I wondered how he felt about it.
"Hey, so um," I asked awkwardly, trying not to make eye contact with him. "What do you-I mean unless you remember, like, what happened, do you think? Like when we-when we were out and those girls, like-like had us and-" I scoffed. "And then we were both naked when we came to so do you think like-I don't know, just that-"
"Glenn," he stopped me. "I know what you're sayin'."
I looked at him. "Did it happen to you too?" I asked.
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that bitch." he scoffed. "You know before all of this shit, before the walkers, I would've loved to get fucked up and have a girl hop on top of me you know?"
"Yeah, I get it." I said, nodding. "Well, I mean not exactly. I didn't get like, fucked up or-well, not that it's bad that you did but just- I'm just saying that, like I understand where in your life that would've been what you wanted and everything not that I-I mean I didn't do that sort of-"
"Glenn," he said. "I get it."
"Sorry," I said, feeling embarrassed. Daryl talked about sex so casually but for me it had always been a big deal, even still.
"It's alright." he nodded. "Anyways, it just felt wrong. Like I was cheatin' even though I didn't have any control you know?" I nodded. "I said stop and she didn't. I tried to knock her off me but I was too messed up to have any real strength. I didn't want her. I did everything I could." he was getting worked up and I could tell he was bothered by it too.
"I know." I said. "It happened to me too remember?"
"Did you tell Maggie?" he asked.
I shrugged. "She knew. She said she could only figure what had happened but she assumed correctly."
He shook his head. "Before all of this I would've liked it, you know? But now, if it's not with Beth it ain't shit. I don't want it. She's the only one I want. Just her."
"I know the feeling." I nodded. "Maggie's it for me and I'm more than okay with that for however long we have left."
"Yeah. We got some great ones huh?" he said.
I smiled. "I just feel," I paused. "I don't know, like gross and dirty. I just don't feel right."
"You tell Maggie that?" he asked.
"No, she's not exactly speaking to me right now so-"
"Why because of that bitch?" he asked, angry,
"No," I said quickly. "Just because I left. Put myself in danger. It's a long story."
"Oh," he said. "So, what're you gonna do about it?"
"I don't know I just feel like she's still on me. That girl, ya know? Like she's still all over me and I can't get her off." I shook my hands out. It was like I could feel her hovering over me the more I talked about it. Like I was back in that clouded state wondering what was happening to my body. "God, I need to get her off me. I need to fix it. I need to be cleaned and be rid of her. I just, I don't know. I need it to be right. I need-" I paused. "Maggie." I sighed
"Hm," Daryl moaned like he understood. "And she's not talking to your right now, right?" he said.
"Yeah," I sighed, looking down at my hands. "And it just sucks because I need her right now."
"Well maybe you should tell her." he offered.
I shook my head. "No, I could but it wouldn't help anything." I rolled my eyes. "Maggie won't even talk to me, let alone have sex with me." I laughed.
"Eh, she might." he said. "Maybe not, but if you told her why maybe-"
"She won't even speak to me." I repeated. "Talking to her about this wouldn't make her any less mad or put me back in her good graces. Besides, I don't want to make her feel like she has to. Like this is the only way to make me feel better about this, ya know?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I get that." He shrugged. "I don't know, man, that's tough."
I nodded. "Yeah. Oh, and I should probably mention to you, um, Maggie is staying in your train car right now."
His brows furrowed. "Why?"
"She's not speaking to me. Like, really not speaking to me. I just thought I should tell you." I shrugged.
He laughed. "Yeah alright."
I patted his cot and stood up to leave. "Oh, and Rick is having a meeting about all of this, the Poets, the camp, you." I explained. "Just letting you know. I'll have someone come and fill you in later."
"Alright, thanks Glenn." he said. He nodded once. "For everything."
I smiled. "Sure, man, no problem." I turned and walked to the door.
"And hey," he called. "If you talked to Maggie, I bet she'd get it. I bet she'd want to help. You should talk to her."
I thought about a response, but didn't know what to say. "Yeah," I said. "Um, thanks Daryl."
I hated Maggie not being here. And not just because I wanted her here because I loved her but normally when we were here together we talked. Now, in our bunk it was silent. It was just me alone with my thoughts.
Rick had decided to give me mornings off for the next week or two so I could recover. Instead of the few hours of sleep I usually got per night, free mornings would allow me to sleep in until lunch if I wanted to. At least today I had the meeting to fill up time but I couldn't imagine how the rest of the week would be.
I had tried everything to occupy myself. I had tried reading my favorite book that I kept a copy of but I knew it too well. My mind kept wandering to what had happened that night. I tried to go to our "library" if you could call it that. Really, it was about thirty books, most of which had been here when we took over. I had already read all the ones that weren't cook books. Daryl and Beth were going to be with Dr. Peters all day and I was going to find Carol to see if we could chat for a while but she was with Sasha in classes all morning. Rick was obviously busy with the meeting and even if he wasn't, all he was able to think about was Michonne. I even tried running and working out which is something that I hadn't intentionally done since all of this started. I ran all day long from walkers so why would I do that more than I had to?
I had been doing sit-ups, something I was always horrible at but now found to be rather easy. On the dirt behind our bunk, I counted until I lost track.
Every time my back hit the ground I felt her on top of me. Her legs brushing on mine, her salty sweat dripping into my mouth, her tongue licking it away.
My heart raced and I wasn't sure if it was because I had done too many or because every bead of sweat on my face felt like shame. I didn't know if it was from the sit-ups for because I was about to be sick but my stomach burned like acid had been poured down my throat. I couldn't tell if I was home or if I was underneath her because my mind started to go black and it was all I could think about.
I stopped and stood up and took a few deeps breaths. Once I could see again I marched towards the train car and flung the door open.
My body laid on my bed but it didn't feel like mine. I might as well have been drowning because the way the sheet stuck to me made me feel suffocated. Like the dirt on my face, Julie stuck all over me, in little pieces. Glimpses into the night I wish I could forget littered my body.
I rubbed my face, thinking that I could simply wipe her away but I knew it was no use. Only one person could help me fix this, could make her go away. Maggie wouldn't even talk to me about shifts today so how was I supposed to talk to her about this?
I scratched at my skin, trying to chip away the pieces of her but it didn't help. Her breath was in my ear, whispering my name that I wish I hadn't told her. I pulled at my neck, trying to erase the transparent trail she had left with her tongue.
"Glenn," I heard in my ear. Her voice like honey and nails at the same time.
I yelled out in anger. Not for anyone but just because silence wasn't helping. Finally I stood up and left my bed.
I walked across Terminus to the wash rooms. We weren't supposed to take more than one shower every three days but I couldn't hold out that long.
I looked back and forth to the four shower stalls that were in the room. Ceramic brick walls stood in between each shower for privacy. The place looked empty.
Urgently, I took my clothes off, kicking off my shoes. I remembered how she pulled at my boxers and made sure that when I took them off it didn't feel anything like that.
I yanked my shirt off and stepped in the shower. The water that hit me was cold but I didn't care. The heat only reminded me of her sweat against mine anyways.
Under the water, I pulled at my body. Trying to find any speck of her and remove it. However, no amount of scratching or yanking would do it. The water pressure was too light and the memory was too fresh.
I cried, tears and water becoming one as they made their way down my chest. I turned so I was facing the water and put my head against the, even colder, wall. I braced myself with my hands on either side of the wall. My shoulder heaved as I cried.
"Glenn?" I heard her voice behind me.
I turned to see Maggie there in her towel, I wondered how long she had been there.
"Maggie." I smiled.
"Are-are you, um-" she stumbled.
"I'm fine." I assured her. I knew she couldn't tell if I was lying or not.
I knew I should have told her what was going on, but I also knew that the only way to fix the way I felt was to be with her. I didn't want her to find me crying and feel like she had to help.
"Um, didn't you shower earlier?" she asked. "When I saw you in the council room you-" she smiled slightly, "You smelled nice."
I sighed at the compliment. However, I didn't want to reveal to her that I had showered at least four times since I'd been back. I hadn't had hardly any sleep and I knew I wouldn't get any if I still felt her on top of me.
"Um, yeah but I was at the fences and I got really gross again so."
She nodded, seeming to believe me and walked down to the last shower and started the water.
I had trouble not watching her. I found comfort in the way she moved. The sound of the towel dropping was my favorite song and the way her arms raised above her head to run through her hair looked like magic. Her skin glistened under the water and I wondered how I had gone so long without noticing she was glowing.
Watching her exist put the air back in my lungs. I turned off the water and dried off with my tee shirt.
Before I left I looked down towards her. Her eyes found me and she waved her fingers in my direction, a small goodbye.
I smiled. "Bye Maggie."
Alright so there you go. I won't put too long of an authors note but let me make sense of this for you
So Maggie is teasing Glenn, in the beginning, to make him even more sorry for leaving. Of course she doesn't know that Glenn actually really needs her to help him through this, especially physically. But Glenn isn't going to be like "Maggie have sex with me bc I feel horrible after what Julie did to me" because he feels like using this against her would be pressuring her into having sex with him. And Glenn knows Maggie doesn't want to have sex with him, she doesn't even want to speak to him, so if he told her this and they did have sex, it would be sort of like Glenn pressured Maggie into it by making her feel guilty that he feels bad. Plus, pressured sex isn't consensual sex so if Glenn did that then he would feel like he was no better than Julie..that bitch.
So hopefully that helps if you were a tad confused on anything. This is a really complicated plot rn so I hope I'm doing it justice. Let me know if there are things I could fix or improve on.
I'm going to also try to have more Maggie bc we were missing her a lot in the chapters when Glenn and Daryl were captured but, again, with this plot it's going to be hard but I want to make it happen so I probs will.
As always leave me a review telling me what you thought, especially on this one bc it was sort of intesne. And of course what the name and gender of Gleggie's baby should be.
THANKS FOR READING!
We. All. Got. Jobs. To. Do.
~MaggieRhee
