Louise heard her brother running out of the woods before she saw him.

"Louise, Louise, you won't believe this!" He came running up to her stall with a book, but quickly noticed her furious expression. "Uh… are you okay?"

"Me? Oh, ho, I'm fine!" She banged the table, causing some cups with yellow liquid in them to ripple.

"Are you sure?"

"Haha, ab-so-lutely! You know how I loooove not making any money!"

Dipper picked up a cup. "Lemonade? Don't worry, Maybe people just weren't thirsty-"

"Don't drink that."

"What's wrong with it?"

Louise pointed upwards, where the sign above her stall very clearly read: 'Pee Lemonade $2 NO REFUNDS'

"You can't be serious, right? No, you're serious." Dipper swiftly put the cup down. "Louise, that's disgusting. No wonder nobody bought anything!"

"No, they bought it all right." Louise crossed her arms. "I was turning a great profit. But as soon as they took a sip, they all started demanding refunds! Then this tall person with tons of red hair leapt over the stand and took it all away from me!"

Dipper shrugged. "Well, I guess that's what happens when you sell pee to strangers."

"Are you blaming me?! I very clearly stated my product, and I said no refunds – this town is just full of animals!"

"Well, yeah, but maybe it just wasn't a very good idea in the first place?" He stepped back a little. "What I meant to say is there are so many good ways to make money, and I'm very happy to brainstorm with you, but this… isn't one of them."

To Dipper's surprise, Louise sighed, turned around and laid across the table.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"I don't have a chair."

"Oh."

"See, dear brother, I don't think you fully understand what I'm doing here."

"Yes I do. You want to sell your own urine, and it's super gross."

"It's actually from the outhouse."

"That's not any better.a"

"But gross or not, it sold." Louise craned her head backwards to look at Dipper. "I sold actual pee to people. Don't you understand? I've finally tapped into the town's well of infinite dumbness, and I can't let this opportunity go to waste! I don't need a new product," She rubbed her hands together. "What I need is a bodyguard."

Dipper crossed his arms. "Don't look at me, Louise."

"Oh, I wasn't thinking about you." She slid off the stand. "With your noodle arms, my money wouldn't last a second out there."

"Hey!"

"I mean, I might as well work alone, you know? You'd just unintimidate them. Is that a word? It should be a word."

"Are you done, Louise?"

"Am I?" She turned around and grinned. "Yeah, I can't think of any more."

"Well, even if you-"

"Maybe I could use you as a human shield…"

"Louise!" Dipper snapped. "Well, how are you supposed to find a bodyguard anyway?"

"I dunno, I'll find somebody! I bet you a dollar I can find somebody right now, just watch me!" She saw Soos exit the door and walk towards them. "Hey, - what's his name, Dipper?"

"Soos."

"Hey, Soos!" Louise waved.

"Oh, hey! Louise, isn't it?" Soos walked over. "Are you dudes selling lemonade? I could totally have some right now."

"You, wouldn't want to do that." Louise folded her hands across the table. "Listen, buddy, friend, have I got the job offer for you!"

Dipper rolled his eyes and stepped back, letting it happen.

"A job offer?" The handyman scratched his head. "I dunno, dude. I mean, I already have a full time job at the Mystery Shack…"

Louise nodded solemnly. "Yes, I understand your concerns. But I have an offer you just can't refuse; a bodyguard! How's that for a dream job, huh? Huh?"

"A bodyguard? Well, I do have a lot of body…"

"Yes, yes!" Louise paused to stick her tongue out at Dipper. "So, what's your answer?"

"…But I already have my dream job. Sorry, dude." The man shrugged, smiling timidly. "I never want to do anything else but work handyman for Mr Pines, you know?"

Before Louise could say anything, there was a shout from behind. "Good choice, Soos! You should also ask yourself why a supposed lemonade stand needs a bodyguard in the first place!"

Soos turned his head. "Wendy?"

Louise glared at the redheaded girl. "Wendy. Stay out of this, you thief!"

"Hey!" Wendy put her hands on your hips. "I wouldn't have taken my money back if you hadn't let me drink pee!"

Soos began to back away slowly.

"I wouldn't have let you drink pee if you hadn't been dumb enough to buy it!"

"I thought it was a joke, man!"

"Oh, look at that!" Soos looked to the door. "I think a toilet's clogged. See you dudes later!"

Louise pulled at the strings on her bunny hat. "And you scared away my potential employee! Thanks a bunch!"

"You're welcome!" Wendy walked away, leaving Louise to put her head on the desk. Dipper walked a little closer, and with a groan she pulled out a dollar bill and put it on the table.

Dipper frowned "What's that for?"

"You forgot about our bet?" She sighed. "Whatever, take it. It's the only dollar I've made today, and that's the one you gave me!"

"What? It doesn't matter-"

"Yes it does!" Louise shoved the bill further away. "Take it! I don't want pity money!"

Reluctantly, Dipper took the dollar. Then he smiled and drew out the book he had been holding under his arm. "Hey, I think I have something to take your mind off this, Louise."

The girl raised her head. "A book? Do you even know me?"

"I found this in the woods," Dipper opened it and began flipping through the pages. "Remember what I was saying about this town being weird? I have proof now; look!"

Louise frowned, then walked around the stall to see right side up. "Floating eyeballs? Gnomes? This looks more like some really old Mystery Shack junk than any proof."

"Really?" Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Louise, if it's just junk, why did I have to open a secret door to find it?"

"A secret door, riiight. I'm not gonna believe that unless-"

"I knew you'd say that, so I took some photos." Dipper handed her a plastic camera.

"You know me too well, Dipper." Louise watched shaky footage of a metal tree and a trap door opening in the ground. "Okay, you got me. This is definitely weird."

"Haha, I knew it! I was right all along!"

Louise flipped through an entry of the Manotaurs, a smile creeping up her face. "Some of these guys look really strong."

"Yeah, Louise. We'll have to be careful." Dipper began pacing, tapping his chin with a pen. "I say we start out with a small investigation in the woods; the journal gives the exact location of this gnome village, so we could start there-"

Louise picked up the journal and flipped it around. "Or we find ourselves a supernatural bodyguard! What about this guy?"

Dipper stared at the page. "Who's Bill Cipher?"

"What? Oh, wrong page." She flipped it. "One of these guys should do the trick!"

"A zombie?"