Author's Note: : I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, review, follow or favourite 'My Story.' I would also like to apologise for taking such a long time to update... I really struggled with this chapter and have re-written it so many times! I really appreciate all of your support and can only hope that the following chapter will live up to your expectations!
I can't remember the last time I was in a chapel. Hell, I can't even remember the last time I said a prayer. In my line of work, it's hard to have faith; you see innocent people murdered, you lose colleagues, friends and face your own mortality on a daily basis. I'm here because I don't know what else to do and I want to be able to tell Maura that I did everything I could.
"God, if you're up there and listening to me, I just want you to know that you have a sick sense of humour. First Frost, then the baby – my baby, and now this? This isn't fair. I get it. I was an idiot and would've been a terrible mother. I shouldn't have put my job before my kid, but I did and I can't take that back. I deserve to be punished for that but Maura hasn't done anything wrong. She is a good person and she'd be an amazing mom. It get it – it sucks that people are always asking you for things and never giving anything back. Maura has saved me more times than I can count… And would care to admit. There has to be a miracle left for her. Please, please don't take her from me. Don't take her baby from her."
I heard the door open and then footsteps behind me. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and for a brief moment I thought it was Maura. I know it was crazy, but I really wanted it to be her.
"Janie, what happened? How's Maura?"
"I don't know, ma. I don't know."
"Maura, can you walk? We need to go to the hospital, right now. I'll drive, it'll be much quicker than waiting for an ambulance."
I could see the fear burning in her eyes. Those beautiful hazel orbs, usually so full of love and light. She was so terrified and there was absolutely nothing I could do to make it better, to make her better. I have never felt so useless or helpless in my life. I scooped Maura up and she gently placed one arm over my shoulder, whilst the other cradled her stomach. She would be an amazing mother. She already is. If only she would just get the chance to prove it to herself.
"It's going to be okay Maur. You're going to be okay. Everything is going to be just fine, you'll see." I desperately repeated over and over again. I'm not sure who I was trying to convince more, her or me.
I lowered Maura onto the passenger seat. She felt like a china doll, so fragile and so perfect. She was perfect. I wish I'd told her that. Snapping myself out of whatever trance I was in, I quickly buckled her seat belt. I rushed around to the driver's seat, hopped in the car and just drove.
My eyes darted back and forth from the road to Maura. Her eyes were growing heavier and she was so pale. I accelerated again. I was way over the limit but I didn't care; all I cared about was Maura, the baby and getting them both to the hospital.
"Stay with me Maur. Please, just stay with me." I chanted.
Within minutes we were outside the hospital. I parked the car by the entrance and leapt from the vehicle. I ran to Maura and scooped her up once more. This time, she didn't move. Her body was limp and lifeless.
I barged through the automatic doors, frantically calling for help and spouting details about Maura, the baby and the placenta previa. Maura, my Maura, was torn from my grasp and placed on a gurney.
"Where are you taking her? I'm not leaving her. I promised to never leave her!"
"I let them take her. I failed her." I couldn't fight it anymore. I couldn't fight the pain or the tears. I had let Maura down when she needed me the most.
"Janie, you did the right thing. The doctors are taking care of her because of you. You brought her to them. You could never fail Maura. Everything you do is for her and that baby. She would be devastated if she could hear you talking like that."
Ma was right. I hate it when she's right.
"I can't lose her ma. I can't lose my best friend." There was so much I wanted to say but I just couldn't get the words out.
"I know baby, I know."
Ma pulled me close and just held me. As much as I hate to admit it, I needed that.
We stayed like that for hours, waiting to hear something, anything. No news is good news, right?
"Detective Rizzoli?"
I jumped to my feet and turned to face the doctor. I felt a lump in my throat, a knot in my stomach and great pain searing through my heart. This was it.
"How's Maura? Is the baby okay? Please just tell me they're okay."
I looked into the doctor's steel blue eyes, desperately trying to get a read on him. I couldn't discern his solemn expression but I knew whatever he had to say wasn't good.
