It was almost as if Jane's voice was pulling me back to reality. It was impossible to ignore the raw emotion in her voice.
I felt dazed and nauseous, both of which were common side effects of a general anaesthetic. It took every ounce of strength just to open my eyes. Jane met my gaze, her beautiful brown eyes swelled with tears.
"Jane." It was barely audible but Jane heard me.
"Oh god, Maura. I was so afraid I was gonna lose you. God you scared me."
Jane leaned in towards me and placed a kiss on my forehead. As she pulled away, I noticed that she was holding a baby – my baby.
"Is that her?"
It was a stupid question but still I asked anyway.
"Yeah, this is your daughter."
Jane looked so happy, despite her tear-stained face. After months of eagerly awaiting her arrival, my daughter was finally here. It felt so surreal.
"Is she okay?"
"She's beautiful."
"Are you sure she's okay? Babies born before 37 weeks are far more likely to develop early respiratory problems, jaundice, low blood sugar and have difficulty maintaining a normal body temperature –"
"Maura, look at her. She's perfect."
"But Jane, research suggests that even though near-term babies may look as healthy as full-term infants, they are more likely to have certain medical problems."
"She's incredible, Maur. She was born at 35 weeks, weighing 5 pounds and 2 ounces. She had a little trouble breathing at first so the doctors took her to the NICU, just to make sure she was okay. For someone so tiny, she's incredibly strong." Jane reassured me.
"Can I hold her?"
"Of course you can hold her!"
Jane carefully placed the baby in my arms. I was overwhelmed by the sudden rush of love and adoration. Jane was right, she was so beautiful. She had sparkling blue eyes and soft tufts of blonde hair emerging from underneath her hat. I marvelled at her ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. I had seen many babies in my life but she was by far the most remarkable.
"Hi sweet girl. Do you remember me? I'm your mom and I'm going to love you forever."
I was flooded with emotion and my eyes began to fill with tears. Happy tears. I was a mom. I had this whole new life to look after. It felt just like I dreamed it would.
"Um Maur? I should get the doctor –" Jane began to rise but I stopped her.
"No. I just want it to be you and me and the baby for a minute."
Our family was finally complete and I wanted to savour every moment we shared together.
"Okay." Jane smiled and settled back into the armchair.
"She's so perfect." I repeated. It felt like I could utter those words a thousand times and it still wouldn't be enough.
"You know, she doesn't have a name yet."
I got so caught up in the moment that I almost forgot. During my pregnancy, a part of me was always afraid to get attached because it would make it even harder if things went wrong. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help but imagine what she would look like and what her name would be.
"Rosalind, after Rosalind Franklin."
I looked at Jane, seeking her approval. I saw her purse her lips and furrow her brow. I knew Jane well enough to know what that meant.
"What? You don't like it, do you? I thought it was a lovely name."
I tried not to sound too deflated. I really did like the name but Jane's input also meant a lot to me.
"Oh it is a lovely name… For your grandmother!"
Typical.
"My grandmother wasn't called Rosalind." I stated matter-of-factly.
"That's not what I meant, Maur. What I was trying to say is that she's only a baby and Rosalind, well, sounds old lady-ish."
"Oh. I understand. I just wanted to give her a name that she could live up to. Rosalind Franklin was a brilliant scientist. Her work paved the way for the discovery of the structure of DNA. I wanted to give my daughter something to aspire to."
"How about Rosa? It's short for Rosalind."
"It also means rose in Latin."
"I think it suits her. She's beautiful and delicate, just like a rose."
"Rosa Jane Isles. It's perfect."
"Her middle name is Jane?"
I couldn't understand why Jane sounded so surprised.
"What else would it be? You are the most extraordinary person I have ever met and there is no one else to whom I would trust my child more."
"Really?" Jane queried as she smiled softly.
I nodded and couldn't help but smile back. She looked at me and shook her head. I realised that she too was trying to hold back tears.
