"Shikamaru-kun," she smiled at him, putting her chopsticks next to her bento.

"Yes?" He did not look up, putting another mouthful into his mouth.

"Would you be free tonight?" Shiho's smile hanged on her face. Her brown eyes staring at him – she wore contact lenses, after one time Shikamaru said to Chouji one time that he preferred girls without glasses; she overheard him and the next day she went to work alongside him, revealing her small, slit like brown eyes.

They looked him softly, gently.

"No, I am going out with the guys." He tried to end the topic as soon as he could, trying to mask away the pain he held.

"I see…." She looked down, the smile faded a little on her face. She took her chopsticks and started to eat again.

He sighed as he closed his bento box and took it to the nearest rubbish bin.

They have been in this peculiar relationship for some months now, she clung onto him as if her life depended on him, but he never called her his girlfriend; they do not hold hands in public; nor do they kiss or display any sort of affection.

Even sex was a rare occurrence – he never initiated anything, if she started it, he would do what was required.

No feelings, no affection – as if they were mating.

She was nothing to him – a disposable companion.

The only time he ever showed her a tad bit of affection, no, kindness, was when he was drunk like a mush, she helped him home.

She took care of him and when he woke up, he gave her a quick hug and said 'thank you.'

After that, she seemed besotted with him, following him everywhere.

Even his friends got used to her presence around, he said nothing when they referred her as his girlfriend, lady friend – it does not matter to him.

But those closer to him know.

Names have no meaning.

She has no meaning.

Shiho is nothing to him.


He found himself at the bar again after work.

If one could only drown in alcohol to ease one's heartache, he would gladly die that way.

Originally he planned to get some barbeque with Chouji. That was the plan.

Bumping into Ino was not part of the plan.

Bumping into her at Sai's arm was not part of the plan.

And what happened next was definitely was not part of the plan.

"Oh hey Shikamaru!" Ino smiled at him as she saw him.

There was no escape. He frowned and approached, with Chouji by his side.

"I want you to meet Sai." She leaned onto his shoulder.

The pale faced man smiled at him. "Sai, these are my friends – Shikamaru and Chouji."

"You have very adorable friends, beautiful." He said, with a smile on his face.

Handsome, cool, plus he calls her 'beautiful'.

The only thing that Sai was not is that he was not Sasuke – no, actually he was similar to Sasuke.

The only thing different is that he likes her back.

"Hey." Shikamaru replied.

He could hear a bell ring in his mind, as he saw her hand, resting on his.

On their index fingers, was a rose gold couple ring.

This time, Ino meant business – she was not playing around.

Finally, he could not convince himself to cling onto any thought that Ino would come back to him. His brilliant mind of IQ 200 simply slammed it in his face – it would be against logic.

Ino has moved on, like she always has.

Only this time, she won't be coming back.

As he stared over his shoulder, seeing how Ino clinged onto Sai, her beaming grin at him, returned by his warm gaze and soft smile, he shook his head.

And that was why he ended up at the nearby bar restaurant.

He ate a burger and began to drink, as if the alcohol could drown his heart, waning the pain.

The pain of letting go, letting go of the final strand of hope.

Chouji deliberately avoided mentioning Ino. As Shikamaru's best friend since childhood, he knew that he was upset, while most part of him had came to a compromise with the truth, part of him was still saddened by this recent circumstance.

He used to nap it off, but now he found alcohol, and it became a new hobby.

That, and cigarettes.

Shikamaru's parents hated it when he smokes or drinks – it was bad for his health obviously.

But Shikamaru does not care – he said whatever numbs him is good.

Chouji felt that it was lucky that Shikamaru found no interest in drugs.

He needed to something to talk about - Shikamaru drinks more than he normally does when they are not talking.

He decided to talk about something else, and another blonde came into his mind.

"You know, I shouldn't say things like that," said Chouji, holding a glass of beer, its foam overflowing from the glass. "It is not nice to treat Shiho like that, after all, she is a nice person."

Shikamaru eyed his friend with a frown on his expression. He was a bit tipsy, a hue of pink on his cheeks. "Look Chouji, there is no point being nice in romance."

Chouji said nothing as Shikamaru continued on, slightly slurring.

"I am a nice person, right? I have been waiting for Ino all those years when she went around fucking guy after guy, I waited." He took another gulp from his glass of whisky. "Nothing ever happened to me, it taught me something."

"And what would that be?" Chouji drank from his beer.

"If you don't get attached, you won't get hurt – that's why I like one-night stands."

"But how could you do it, I mean, you barely know that person." A blush emerged on his big-boned friend's face. "This is sex we are talking about."

"That is exactly the point – no knowledge, no feelings, no one gets hurt."

Shikamaru emptied his glass, and waved for another glass of whisky.

"I thought you liked martinis, you barely order them now." Chouji commented.

"Not strong enough," Shikamaru replied. "It is too troublesome to remain sober after so many drinks in this insane world."

"You know," Chouji chuckled. "I have been hearing you complaining about love these few months. Funny thing to hear when you say you don't believe in it."

Shikamaru arched an eyebrow. "Hmph."
"I met a girl on one of my business trips to Kumo."

"Really? What is she like?"

"She," Chouji raised his head, looking at the ceiling dreamily. "She had amber-coloured eyes dipped in honey, chocolate-coloured skin and dark purple-red hair just like beetroots."

"She sounds like she works in a grocery store." Shikamaru joked. "I am glad that you found someone Chouji."

"Heh, you would find someone too." Chouji smiled. "But honestly, if it is not Shiho, you should let her go. It is best for you and her."

Shikamaru turned back, staring at the malty brown coloured liquor in his glass, the ice dangling inside. The sound of the cubes clashing with the glass walls made his brain throb.

His mind was as blank as a sheet of white paper – must be the alcohol.

"Well, isn't this a youthful reunion!" Someone slammed his way at the bar table.

Shikamaru turned and saw a man with a bowl hair-cut and thick brows.

"Lee, it's been a long time." He greeted him, behind this comic-looking man stood another man, white eyes staring at him. The bushy browed man went over to greet Chouji and sat down next to him.

"Neji." He arched an eyebrow.

"Shikamaru." He sat down beside him and ordered a glass of white wine.

"How was your trip?"

"As usual, nothing much to see in Suna – pretty much sand here and there."

Suna, huh …

Shikamaru uttered a few sound of agreement.

"I saw Temari-san," he said mindlessly.

"Oh?" That name stirred the still puddle in his heart. The image of a blonde, green-eyed woman floated to his mind.

"She hosted me for dinner." Neji said, smiling. "That was very nice of her."

His wine arrived and he took a sip.

"I see." Shikamaru downed his drink.

"You like her, don't you?" Neji turned at him.

"Nah, too troublesome." The question tugged his heartstrings; the only, immediate response he could find was his usual line.

Neji had a bemused expression on his face. "Well, she is a very charming person."

Shikamaru arched an eyebrow at that comment.

"You like her, don't you Neji?"

The white-eyed man took another sip from his wine. "I do."

Part of Shikamaru wanted to punch Neji on the spot.

But a larger part of him told him to stay put.

Give it up, Shikamaru. You have no right to do such a thing.

She deserves someone better, definitely not who you are right now.

You are just a manipulative fuck boy, the kind of person she hated to the guts.

"Good luck." Shikamaru commented and left a few banknotes on the table.

Throwing his suit jacket over his shoulder, he shoved a cigarette between his lips and left.

He did not stop when Chouji called his name from the bar, not when the bartender called him for his change.

He wanted to be alone.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment as he breathed in the hot, minty smoke from the glowing white rod.


It was lucky that Shikamaru went to the nearby bar and did not drive his car, or he would have probably killed himself crashing into a wall.

He angrily opened the door, and walked into the living room.

The house was dark.

He saw Shiho, sitting there quietly, staring at him as he walked inside.

He said nothing when she duplicated the keys, saying that she would come around and tidy his house.

"Why are you here?" He asked impatiently, as he took off his shoes. "Didn't I tell you I was going out with the guys?"

"I am waiting for you, Shikamaru-kun." She answered in the dark.

"Huh." He slumped into the armchair. "I am here."

She walked into the kitchen and returned with a cup of warm water in her hands.

"I needed to talk to you. I feel like you are trying to avoid me." She put the cup in front of him, there was great concern in her eyes.

"I told you, Shiho." He rubbed his temples. "I needed my space."

"I understand." She nodded obediently.

"Then why are you pestering me?" Shikamaru closed his eyes.

"I don't mean that…" She said softly.

"Didn't I tell you before? If you are not satisfied with the state we're in, you can always go." Shikamaru said, his was annoyed, irritated. "I thought we are through with this."

Shiho said nothing - he could vaguely see the tears rolling down her face, she whimpered, walking towards him and knelt on the ground in front of him.

She gently wrapped her arms around his waist, her head resting on his knees.

"Why can't you try to love me, Shikamaru-kun?" He felt a patch of moistness on his trousers.

Shikamaru could not stand a crying woman.

He thought of putting his hand on her head as a gesture of comforting her.

His hand lingered in the air for a few seconds, but he slowly retracted the hand back to the side of his head.

She is pathetic.

Not because she is crying on his lap, he thinks she is pathetic, because she reminds him of himself.

His past pathetic self, crying, begging Ino to love him back.

The first time she dumped him, he cried in the phone, asking her the same question.

"Don't cry." He said, in a monotone. "I hate it when women cry."

She looked up as he attempted to stand up.

"I remembered you once said, Shikamaru-kun."

He arched an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

"You said you would like an average job, a wife who is not troublesome, not too pretty or ugly, two children… all that." She wiped away the tears, staring down at her feet. "I want to be a part of that."

He sighed deeply, as he gently pushed her by the waist, guiding her to the door.

In his other hand was her bag.

"Shiho," he said. "It is troublesome, but life does not go the way it is. People don't get what they wish for."

Shiho said nothing, as she put on her shoes.

"Anyway, let's talk about this when I am sober." He closed the door in her face.

He walked towards the couch and lit a cigarette.

In his hazed state, he saw the back of a blonde woman, tall and confident.

She turned around and grinned at him.

Her eyes shone like emeralds.

He breathed out another mouthful of smoke.

I wonder how she has been doing?

Has she found someone? Perhaps she likes Neji too?

Neji is a nice guy – gentleman, courteous, caring …

Good-looking too.

She deserves to have a nice guy.

He shook his head in dismissal, and breathed out another cloud of smoke.

His phone glowed in the dark, the notification flashed repeatedly.

He took the device and checked. An email from his boss's secretary, Shizune.

Shikamaru,

A business conference would be held in Kiri in a week. Please attend as the company's representative. The files will be at your desk tomorrow.

Flights and accommodation would be arranged.

Shizune

"Aw great," he threw his head back. "Travelling is such a drag."

He sighed another time, breathing out a last cloud of smoke from the glowing cigarette.

He did not hope that the everlasting rain would rinse his sinful self.

At least the rains in Kiri could cleanse his mind.

After all, that place is always raining.

All goddamn year.


Author's note:

I am overwhelmed by all the reviews! Thanks for the love and comments - this just shows how much you enjoy the story and I am very happy to know that.

I hope you enjoy the chapter! And don't worry about Temari, she will appear soon enough ;)

Enjoy!

V.S.V xoxo