The Fray – Be Still
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know
When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name
If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know
"Hey, it's okay Maur. I've got you. What happened to that boy is disgusting and heart-breaking, and you are bound to feel sad about it, so cry. Let it all out, and tomorrow you will go back to work and do what you do better than anyone else. You will find all the evidence you need to nail the monster who did this."
I hated seeing Maura so upset. I wished that I could fix it but I couldn't. All I could do was be there for her, and comfort her, and hold her until she fell asleep. Eventually Maura's sobbing subsided. I held her close to me, and watched as her sorrow-filled eyes fluttered shut. I placed a kiss on the top of her head and she unconsciously nestled herself further into the crook of my neck. I sensed that even though Maura was sleeping, she was still seeking comfort, so I tightened my arms around her, and stroked my fingers up and down her back. Without really thinking, I started to sing. It seemed so unlike me but I felt like it was exactly what Maura needed. 'Be Still' was the first song that came to mind; it was so comforting and meaningful. I wanted Maura to know that I was with her. Now and forever. I wasn't really aware that I knew all the words, they just felt so natural. Once I reached the end of the song, I placed another kiss into her hair. I was startled out of my thoughts when Maura leaned up and kissed me along my jawline.
"I thought you were asleep." I whispered.
I could feel my cheeks turning a deep shade of red from embarrassment. I had never meant for Maura to actually hear me sing, and if I had known she was still awake, there is no way I would have had the guts to start singing!
"I was just resting my eyes. You have a lovely voice, Jane. It's very soothing."
Upon hearing Maura speak, I decided to let my embarrassment slide, and meet her gaze. Maura looked up at me and her hazel eyes still glistened in the dimly-lit room.
"Come on you, you should probably head up to bed now… Unless you want to sleep on the couch and wake up with some serious back ache tomorrow!"
"You're not staying?" She asked sadly.
I was very aware that Maura and I had only just started dating, and that we hadn't really talked about our sleeping arrangements yet. It wasn't that I didn't want to stay with Maura, I did. I really did. I wanted to fall asleep with her in my arms every night, and wake up to her every morning. I just didn't want to rush this, or to screw up again and end up losing her for good.
"Do you want me to stay?"
She nodded slowly.
"Then of course I'll stay. I'll stay for as long as you'll let me."
Maura took my hand in hers and guided me to her bedroom. She opened her top drawer and pulled out a pair of flannel pyjamas.
"I bought these for you. I wanted you to feel comfortable when you stay here."
I thought back to all of the times when I had just slept in my work clothes and that one time I borrowed a pair of Maura's silk pyjamas… I thought I was gonna slip right out of the bed and Maura would rush in to find my sorry ass in a heap on the floor! I chuckled at the memory. Maura looked at me in confusion and I just smiled back at her.
"Thank you."
I gratefully accepted the pyjamas and began to put them on as Maura got herself ready in the bathroom.
"I've left you out a toothbrush and a towel. Oh and I stocked up on the toiletries you like." She smiled as she emerged from the bathroom.
My heart swelled at the sentiment. Maura really wanted me to feel welcome in her house and it was unquestionably clear that she wanted me there.
"When did you have time to do all this?"
"All I did was buy some pyjamas and toiletries, Jane! It really isn't that impressive!" She chuckled.
"Thank you, Maura. It might not seem like much to you, but it means a lot to me."
After brushing my teeth, I made my way into the bedroom again. It was impossible to stop myself from smiling at the sight of Maura. She was already curled up under the covers and she looked adorable. I pulled back the duvet and Maura held out her arms in invitation. I slipped under the covers and scooted into her welcoming embrace. We lay in silence for a moment. Maura placed her palm over my heart and I felt it flutter beneath her touch. I had never experienced this sort of intimacy before, but with Maura it just felt so right.
"Jane?"
It was barely a whisper. If we hadn't been so impossibly close, it would have been easy to miss.
"Yeah Maura?"
"Thank you. I just wanted to say thank you. For tonight, for everything."
"You don't ever need to thank me, Maur. I'm here because I want to be. I want to spend every single day with you."
"Even the bad days?"
"Especially the bad days."
I felt Maura smile against my neck and snuggle further into me. Being there with her made me feel complete, more complete than I had ever felt before. She hugged me so tightly that it felt like all of my broken pieces fitted back together again. I finally knew what it felt like to be whole.
I stirred awake and stretched my arms above my head as a loud yawn slipped out of my mouth. Without opening my eyes, I rolled onto my side and stretched out my arm, longing to feel the soft, creamy expanse of Maura's skin. I patted the cold mattress and opened my eyes when I realised that the bed was empty. I had woken up alone many, many times before but this time, I couldn't help but feel disappointed. I sat up slowly and dragged myself out of bed. I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror and stifled a laugh.
"God, I'm a mess!"
I ran my fingers through my tangled tresses, and tried to smooth out the creases in my pyjamas. It was a desperate attempt to make myself look somewhat presentable before I set off to find Maura. As I left the bedroom, the sound of music flooded the halls and drew me towards the kitchen. I couldn't have supressed the huge, cheesy grin that crept across my face, even if I'd wanted to. I leaned against the doorframe in adoration, marvelling at the beautiful scene that was unfolding around me. Maura had obviously been braiding Rosa's hair and was now belting out 'Part of Your World' into the hairbrush. Rosa was loving every minute of it and she giggled happily as she ate her cereal. Never had I ever pictured the poised and professional Maura Isles singing along to Disney songs in her kitchen. I am in awe of her; she is indescribable and she just has so many layers. Over the years, I've known Dr Isles, chief medical examiner, Maura Isles, google-mouth, Maura Isles, fashionista, Maura Isles, badass, and Maur, my partner in crime. Today I got reacquainted with Maura, Rosa's mom. It's funny to think back to the months before Rosa was born, when Maura was so afraid that she'd screw her kid up and that she'd be a bad mother. That Maura couldn't have been more wrong, she was always destined to become the fantastic mother she is today. To say she is a damn good mother is an understatement. She's the best.
Following Maura's big finale, I gave her a round of applause and Rosa joined in. Up until that moment, Maura had been completely unaware of my presence.
"Good morning songbird!" I chirped.
"Hey, you're up! We were just having a little karaoke session, weren't we Rosa?"
And then she smiled. Her eyes twinkled and lit up, her dimples popped, and the moment came to life. I couldn't take my eyes off her.
"So I heard! The hairbrush was a nice touch, by the way." I winked, causing Maura to blush.
"What would you like for breakfast? We have cereal, or pastries… Or I could make you something else if you like."
"Wow! Breakfast and a floor show! You sure know how to treat a girl!"
I walked towards the counter to get a better look at the pastries that were up for grabs. It was almost as if I'd walked into a little French bakery.
"Wow, Maura. These look amazing! What are they?"
"Here we have pains au chocolat –"
"No way! The plural of pain au chocolat is pains au chocolat? That doesn't even sound like English!"
"That's because it's French, Jane."
"You know what I mean, Maura! Words should sound right to be right!"
"It does sound right, Jane."
"Not to me it doesn't! Next you're gonna tell me that the plural of fro-yo is fros-yo!"
"No, that would be ridiculous."
She paused for a moment and furrowed her brow.
"You were being sarcastic, weren't you?"
"Very." I smirked.
She shook her head and let out a small chuckle.
"Can I tell you what the other pastries are now?"
"Do they have funny names?"
"No, I don't believe so."
"Sure, knock yourself out!"
"Okay, so these are raspberry and almond twists, the round ones are apricot and pistachio danishes, and finally we have chocolate and hazelnut bearclaws. I wasn't sure what you'd be in the mood for, so I thought I would bake a selection of pastries."
"Wait a minute! You made all of these yourself? This morning?!"
"Yes." She stated as if it was obvious.
"I can't believe you did all this." I muttered, my voice filled with awe.
"I wanted to surprise you."
"Well, I'm surprised. Thank you, Maura. You really didn't have to do all this for me."
"I know… but I wanted to." She beamed.
"How did I get so lucky?" I whispered in Maura's ear.
"Beats me." She joked and I playfully slapped her arm.
I grabbed a bearclaw and we made our way to join Rosa at the dining table.
"What's your day like?" I asked Maura as we sat down.
"Mostly just playing. Oh and I have to go to school soon." Rosa answered happily, still eating her cereal.
Maura and I just looked at each other and laughed. She really does have the most beautiful laugh.
"Hopefully my day won't be too bad either. I just hope that this is a fairly open-and-shut case." She sighed sadly.
I didn't mean for the atmosphere to change so quickly, so I resorted to telling some jokes to cheer Maura up. It worked, just like old times. The TV was on in the background but neither of us paid attention to it, we were too busy enjoying the food and each other's company. Rosa, however, was now glued to the news on the TV.
"Mommy, look! It's Jamie! He's on the TV!" Rosa yelled.
Maura and I both looked at the television and we were horrified to see a photo of a little boy with sandy blonde hair and a freckled face, with the caption 'MISSING'. I looked at Maura as if to ask if Rosa was right, to clarify that this boy was in fact Jamie. She swallowed hard and nodded.
"Mommy? What does missing mean?" Rosa asked.
Maura's face fell and a look of panic swept across her features. I wouldn't know what to say, I mean, how do you tell a four-year-old that the little boy in her class, who she desperately wants to be her friend, has been abducted? As Maura began to explain what was happening, my phone rang.
"Rizzoli." I answered.
Korsak asked me to come back to work early and began to fill me in on the case. He explained that Jamie's disappearance was more than likely to be linked to the little boy whose body had been found yesterday. They were both around the same age and lived on the same street. I clung to the hope that these were just horrible coincidences… That is until Korsak informed me that the boys disappeared at the same time. Apparently they were playing together.
"Sure, I'll be right there." I stated before hanging up.
I looked at Maura and saw that she was clearly struggling with Rosa. I knelt down and tried to reassure Rosa the only way I knew how.
"Hey buddy, I know it's scary but I'm gonna go to work now and I will do everything I can to bring Jamie home."
Rosa tearfully nodded her head and Maura mouthed 'thank you' to me. I got up and kissed Maura's cheek. I hated leaving her like this, but a kid was missing and we were racing against the clock.
"I'll see you at work."
"Listen up everyone! This is Detective Jane Rizzoli. She left homicide a few years ago to become an agent in DC but she's back now and she's going to be working with us again. She's damn good at her job and she will be an asset to our team."
Korsak introduced me to everyone in the crowded bullpen and guided me towards a grumpy looking man who was sitting at my old desk.
"Jane, this is Detective Mark Gilford. He will be your new partner, so let him know if you need anything and he will be more than happy to help… Right Mark?"
Korsak shoved the man's shoulder, forcing him to look up at me.
"Yes Lieutenant." He grunted.
Korsak scowled at him as he walked back into his office.
"You don't like me. You don't know me, but you don't like me. A five-year-old kid is dead and his four-year-old friend is still missing, so can we please move past whatever this is and work together?"
"Fine."
"Great. What have we got?"
"Daniel Williams, five years old. James Bennett, four years old." He motioned to photographs of the boys. "The pair were last seen riding their bikes around the cul-de-sac at approximately 5:30pm on Wednesday 15th June. James' ten-year-old brother, Luke Bennett, was supposed to be watching them, however, he left the boys playing to go to a friend's house, which was just across the street. He said that he didn't notice anything suspicious before he left and that the boys knew they had to be home for dinner by 6:30pm. Luke left his friend's house at 6:20pm and found the boys' bikes unattended. He assumed that they must have already gone inside but this was not the case, so he alerted his mother."
I listened intently to what Detective Gilford was saying and tried to wrap my head around it all.
"Officers canvased the area and local residents started a search party for the boys, looking in nearby parks and other areas where the boys liked to hang out. There was no sign of either boy until approximately 10am on Thursday morning when a dog walker stumbled upon Daniel's body. He had a plastic bag placed over his head, tied around the throat with duct tape, his hands and feet were bound with cable ties. His body was dumped in the wetlands near Mary Cummings Park. Time of death was estimated to be somewhere between 1am and 2am. It was clear that he was beaten leading up to his death, however, cause of death was determined as suffocation."
"So, let me get this straight. Two boys were abducted from a cul-de-sac, in broad daylight and yet nobody saw anything?"
"It sure seems that way. Officers talked to all of the neighbours yesterday and they all have solid alibis."
"Shit."
This seemed hopeless. So far, there was no evidence, no suspect, one body, and a missing four-year-old.
"We have, however, identified one person of interest. Damian Moore. He is a 34-year-old electrician and he was installing a new electrical wiring system for Mrs Carter, a little old lady who lives at the end of the cul-de-sac. She said that Moore left her house at approximately 6pm, possibly making him the last person to see the boys before they were abducted."
"Well then, let's go and pay Damian Moore a visit." I stated as I grabbed my jacket and keys.
"You've only been here five minutes and you're already calling the shots!" Gilford barked.
"You couldn't have let me drive, could you?" Gilford protested.
"What difference does it make? It's not like I crashed the car and killed us both!" I retorted.
Gilford just huffed in response. This douche was seriously killing my patience and I'd just about had enough.
"Seriously, what the hell is your problem with me?"
"I just don't like people like you."
"What is that supposed to mean? You don't even know me!"
"You became an agent for god's sake and you couldn't handle the heat! And now, you just wanna be a big fish in a little pond again, but guess what… This ain't your pond anymore!"
I was a little taken aback by Gilford's perception of me. He'd barely given me enough time to make a first impression before getting on my case. This partnership really wasn't working out for me. I tried to muster up every ounce of professionalism I could find and knocked on the door. A young woman answered timidly. Her appearance was tidy, but she seemed meagre and meek.
"Hello, I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli and this is my colleague, Detective Mark Gilford. Do you happen to know a Mr Damian Moore?" I asked politely.
"Yeah, he's my boyfriend." She mumbled quietly.
"Would it be possible for us to speak with him ma'am?" Gilford's harsh tone was a stark contrast to that of the mouse-like woman.
"Yeah, sure. Come in. I'll go get him."
We made our way into the living room and waited on the couch. It was a relatively small room and it was scarcely furnished. I noticed that there was a book lying on the coffee table, titled 'Get into Teaching.' I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right but I just didn't know what… Or more importantly, how to prove it.
"He'll be down in a minute." The woman said as she sat down in the chair in the corner of the room.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." I declared.
"I'm Ellen Jones." She replied.
"It's nice to meet you, Ellen. I couldn't help but notice that you're interested in becoming a teacher." I informed as I gestured towards the book.
"Yes, I'm currently a teaching assistant at Boston Cambridge Academy, but I'd like to do more."
Boston Cambridge Academy – that's Rosa and Jamie's school. I tried to build up a rapport with her while we waited for Moore.
"We are currently investigating the disappearance of James Bennett and the murder of his friend, Daniel Williams. I'm sure you must have heard about it on the news."
"Yes. It was so sad." She stated.
"Do you know James Bennett? He's a pupil at your school."
"Yes, he was in my class. He was a sweet boy. He could be a bit of a handful sometimes but most of the time, he was a good kid." She explained.
I couldn't help but notice Ellen's use of the past tense. Jamie is missing, his body hasn't been found yet and for all we know, he is still alive. So why was she using the past tense?
"Detectives, what can I do for you?" Moore asked cheerfully as he entered the room.
He was rather short, no taller than 5ft7, and he was scruffily dressed. He was wearing a polo-shirt, with his own company's logo on it. It matched the logo on the white van outside. He certainly had the means to abduct the boys… I mean, the van would have been perfect. But what was the motive?
"Hello Mr Moore, I'm Detective Gilford. I work for Boston PD's homicide unit. We are looking into the disappearance of James Bennett and the murder of Daniel Williams. We have been told that you were doing some work for a Mrs Carter at this time."
I watched Moore like a hawk. His whole demeanour was very calm and collected. He didn't seem shifty or guilty, but he didn't seem at all shaken up about the fact that two little boys had gone missing and now one of them was dead. Any normal, innocent, person would have shown some sympathy towards the victims. Moore didn't. He said all the right things but I got the sense that he was being very disingenuous.
"The boys came over to talk to me. One of them said that he wanted to be an electrician when he grew up. He said he wanted his own van!"
"So it's possible that you were the last person to speak to the boys before the abduction?" Gilford inquired.
"Yeah, that's what it seems like." Moore replied.
"Mr Moore, where were you on the evening of Wednesday 15th June?"
"I left Mrs Carter's house just after 6pm, then I went straight home and had an early night."
"Can anyone verify that for you?" I asked sharply.
"Yes, Ellen was with me the whole time. Weren't you, babe?" He mentioned cockily.
Ellen just nodded quickly. She seemed even more nervous than before.
"Thank you for your help." Gilford offered his hand for Moore to shake.
"Hey, detectives… It's an absolute mystery what happened to those boys. Please let me know if I can help at all. You know, while there's still no news about James, there's still a glimmer of hope. Basically, that's what I'm hanging on to." He clenched his fist and placed it over his heart.
I could not believe how full of crap this guy was. Something was very, very wrong here and I wasn't going to stop until I found out what that was.
"Thank you, we'll be in touch." Gilford stated as we left the property.
"Please tell me you don't think he's innocent!" I begged.
"I don't. But I can't prove he's guilty either."
I decided to let Gilford drive back to the precinct. Whether we liked it or not (and it was very clear that we both disliked it), we were going to have to work together and if things carried on the way they were, that would become impossible. I brought up the fact that Ellen used the past tense when she spoke about Jamie, and he agreed that it was suspicious. But we were going to need a hell of a lot more than suspicions if we were going to stand a chance of catching this guy.
When we got back to the precinct, Maura was waiting for me with a cup of coffee. She was like my beacon of light and I really hoped that she'd have something good for me.
"I analysed the duct tape and was able to lift a print. I ran it through the system but there weren't any matches. Upon closer inspection of the tape, I realised that it wasn't duct tape at all. It was grey insulation tape. It's a type of pressure-sensitive tape used to insulate electrical wires and other materials that conduct electricity." She informed as she handed me the coffee.
"So what you're saying is that this tape is likely to belong to an electrician?"
"Jane, you know I don't like to guess –"
"Come on, Maur, please! A kid is missing, can't you make an exception… just this once!"
"It's never 'just this once' with you Jane." She sighed. "Yes, it could belong to an electrician, however, there are many other non-electrical applications. In Pakistan and India, insulation tape is very commonly used to wrap a tennis ball for purposes of playing backyard cricket. The insulation tape provides a smooth surface which causes the tennis ball to grip a concrete surface less, makes the ball harder to hit, and causes it to bounce less. These properties make the ball behave more like a leather cricket ball, yet still being substantially cheaper and less dangerous."
"But we aren't in Pakistan or India, so I think we can rule that one out! Thanks Maura, I owe you one." I winked.
"Hey Rizzoli! I just used a stingray to narrow down Ellen's phone location on the night of the abduction. I wanted to see if she really was with Moore. According to the information from US Cellular, her phone's provider, she and her phone were in Warwick, Rhode Island! It was a false alibi! She wasn't even in Massachusetts on the night the boys were abducted, so she definitely couldn't have been with Moore the whole time!" Gilford explained enthusiastically as he strolled towards me.
"Great work, Gilford." I commended him and I patted him on the back.
"Thanks Rizzoli." He beamed.
"So, what should we do now?" I asked.
I knew that we had probable cause, however, after our difficulties this morning, I wanted to let Gilford take the lead. He was so pissed that I was calling the shots, so I felt it was best for me to take a backseat this time.
"I think it's time we paid Moore and Jones another visit!"
When we arrived at the house, Gilford headed straight towards the front door.
"Gilford, wait!" I whispered.
"What is it, Rizzoli?"
"I don't know yet, but something doesn't feel right."
I felt very uneasy. I had visited crime scenes and spoken to murderers before, but something felt different this time. I had this awful feeling that something bad was about to happen. Evil was lurking right around the corner, I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. I decided to approach the window with caution. I wanted to catch a glance before actually entering the property so that I would know what I was walking into. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest as I peered through the blinds. Through the gaps, I could make out that Moore was sitting in an armchair, he had his back to the window and he was staring at a figure lying in the middle of his living room. I immediately radioed for back-up.
"Gilford, we need to get in there… Right now! He has someone in there with him. They're not moving."
I tried the door.
"It's locked."
"Out of my way, Rizzoli!"
Without a moment's hesitation, Gilford charged past me and punched through the window on the door. The glass shattered into thousands of tiny pieces.
"Thank god for single glazing!" He muttered as he poked his arm through to unlock the door.
He pulled out his gun and I followed suit. As we slowly walked through the hallway, it was possible to hear a faint rustling sound coming from the living room. Gilford went into a crouch and sped towards the sound. I increased my speed but I stayed behind Gilford and close to the walls.
"Ellen! Can you hear me?" Gilford shouted.
No answer.
I peered round the doorframe and saw Gilford kneeling on the floor next to a lifeless Ellen. She had a clear plastic bag over her head and it was secured around her neck using the grey insulation tape, and her hands and feet were bound using cable ties. Same M.O.
Before I could do anything, Moore leapt out from the corner of the room and pulled a bag over Gilford's head. My heart was pounding as the adrenaline kicked in. I bolted into the living room and struck Moore on the back of the head with the butt of my gun. He hit the ground with an almighty thud. Suddenly, it felt like everything was in slow-motion. I seized the opportunity to cuff Moore while he was unconscious. Gilford pulled the bag off his head in one swift movement and caught his breath.
"Gilford? Are you okay?" I called out.
"Never better." He panted.
I ran over to check on Ellen. There wasn't enough time to peel off the tape and remove the bag, so I quickly tore the bag apart.
"You're okay, Ellen. Please, just breathe!"
No response.
I could hear Maura's voice in my head, instructing me to carry out the head tilt chin lift manoeuvre. I placed one hand on her forehead and two fingers under her chin. I gently tilted her head back and lifted her chin up. She felt cold to the touch and I couldn't find a pulse, but I began performing CPR anyway. I gave two initial rescue breaths and started chest compressions.
"Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive."
I kept singing over and over again as I carried out the chest compressions and rescue breaths. I kept hoping that I could get her back and that she'd miraculously start breathing again, but as the minutes went by, I began to lose faith.
"She's gone, Jane. She's gone." Gilford gently placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me.
I stopped chest compressions and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. A sea of officers swept through the house and removed Moore from the scene. They also collected the new evidence including the insulation tape and plastic bags. I watched the hustle and bustle around me. I watched on helplessly as Ellen's body was taken out in a black body bag. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I saw it. Another body bag. It felt like a nightmare.
"Hey, are you okay?" Gilford asked, his voice heavy with concern.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" I smiled sadly.
Gilford shrugged his shoulders and took a seat next to me. It was strange, Gilford was still the same man he was this morning, but it seemed like he had gone through metamorphosis or something. His features seemed softer, and his eyes less hostile.
"Tell me what you're thinking."
"I was just thinking about the case, about Moore, and the victims. I can't believe Moore ended up killing three people, all because a five-year-old kid thought it would be funny to key his van. I don't understand how someone just can flip out like that. It was such a minor thing and now three people are paying the ultimate price for it."
"You can keep turning yourself inside out trying to find the answers, Rizzoli. But you can't find what isn't there. Moore is nothing but a sick bastard… I don't think we'll ever understand why he did what he did." Gilford explained.
Apparently, as Moore was leaving Mrs Carter's house, he noticed that Daniel had just scraped his keys along the van door, leaving a few long, deep scratches and chips in the paint. He angrily confronted Daniel and according to Moore, the boys just sniggered. He claimed that he saw red and pulled out a plastic bag from his pocket. He wanted to teach the boys a lesson, so he threw them both into his van and locked the door. He forced the bag over Daniel's head, taped it around his neck, and bound his hands and feet. He then bound and gagged Jamie. He watched as Daniel squirmed and slowly suffocated. He said that he never meant to kill the boy, he just wanted to spook him, but accidentally took it too far. In a panic, he dumped Daniel's body in the wetlands, thinking that the water would wash off any possible traces of his DNA. Meanwhile, Jamie was still in the back of his van. He said he took the boy home because he didn't want to kill him, but he had to figure out a plan. He couldn't just let the boy go; Jamie had seen too much. He kept the boy in his basement for a few hours. Apparently, he tried to strike a deal with the boy – if Moore let him go, he wasn't allowed to tell anyone what happened or who took him. When he removed the insulation tape from Jamie's mouth, the boy started screaming and wouldn't stop. Moore didn't trust him to keep his mouth shut, so he killed Jamie too. What he said next will forever haunt me. He said "I didn't expect to enjoy it so much, it just made me feel so – so alive and powerful. It was an existential experience." He didn't show a hint of remorse and behind his eyes there was nothing but satisfaction. When asked about why he killed Ellen, his whole demeanour changed. His only response was "I am genuinely sorry about that. I didn't want to kill her, but she said that she'd go to the police if I didn't come clean… There was no way I was going to do that, so she had to die too."
I was thankful that Moore's crimes weren't premeditated, that he wasn't very smart and that we caught a few lucky breaks in this case. If things had been different, we might not have caught him and it definitely wouldn't have been possible to solve the case so quickly. Nothing would bring Daniel, or Jamie, or Ellen back, but at least we could bring their killer to justice. Not just for them, but also for their families.
I took out my wallet and pulled out a photograph of baby Rosa. I had kept it in my wallet all this time, along with a photo of me and Maura. I wanted to keep them both close to me, no matter where I was or what I was doing.
"Cute baby." Gilford stated as he nosily looked over my shoulder at the photograph.
"She's four now, still incredibly cute though. She calls me Aunt Jane and makes me feel like I'm the coolest person in the world. I'm not used to this, being scared like this. I only ever had to worry about myself and now – now I keep thinking what if it happened to Rosa? What if I couldn't protect her? I wouldn't be able to live without her and she isn't even my kid." I explained as I choked back a sob.
"I get it. She's family. I have nephews and trust me, they drive me crazy sometimes, but I love 'em to death. It's scary to think about all the awful the things that could happen to them."
I nodded softly in complete understanding of what Gilford was saying.
"Hey Rizzoli? I'm sorry. I was wrong about you. I let my jealousy get the better of me and I treated you unfairly."
"It's okay. We got off on the wrong foot. I'm over it, are you over it?"
He nodded sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.
"Good. Nice work today, Gilford. I couldn't have done it without you."
"Thanks for helping me, even though I was being an asshole."
I smiled and watched as Gilford collected his belongings to go home. I decided make a start on my paperwork. I just wanted this case to be over so that I never had to think about it again.
About twenty minutes later, I saw a family of three walk into the bullpen. Korsak came over to greet them and ushered the parents into his office, leaving the little boy alone. I knew that this boy was Jamie's brother. He had the same sandy blonde hair, big brown eyes, and freckles dotted across his nose. I slowly approached Luke. He was sitting in a chair. It was a regular-sized chair but his tiny frame made it look like it was fit for a giant. His eyes were red and puffy and he kept fidgeting. I crouched down and met his gaze.
"Hey." I whispered, unsure of what to say to him.
"Jamie's dead, isn't he?" Luke asked, his lower lip trembling.
I didn't know what to say to him. I wasn't sure if it was my place to tell him, however, I couldn't lie to him either. He was going to find out anyway and I didn't want to give him false hope.
"Yeah buddy, he's gone. I'm so sorry."
"It's my fault, isn't it? I should have been watching him –" He sobbed uncontrollably.
I shook my head and sighed. There were no words that could take away this innocent little boy's pain or guilt. He was ten years old, he should not have to live the rest of his life feeling responsible for what happened to his little brother. I took his tiny hands in mine and gave them a gentle squeeze.
"Hey. It is not your fault, you hear me? There was nothing you could have done to protect Jamie. The man who killed him, that's who is responsible for all this. It is not your fault, Luke. Nobody blames you for what happened. I know that, but you have to know it too."
I felt my eyes begin to tear up as I watched the little boy break down in front of me. His tears were full of agony, with a hint of relief. Luke's parents re-emerged from Korsak's office and his mom came to stand beside me. I slowly let go of Luke's hands and slipped out of the way, allowing her room to hold her son.
"Luke, honey. It's time to go."
She ruffled his hair and took him by the hand.
"Thank you, Detective Rizzoli." She whispered as she walked away and I offered her a gentle nod in acknowledgment.
I stood there for a moment. Completely overwhelmed by all my feelings. Today had been a hell of a long day. I moved towards the door and found Maura there waiting for me. We left the building and walked towards my car in silence. Maura was close enough for me to feel the heat radiating from her body, but it still felt like there were miles and miles between us. I was barely holding it together by the time we reached my car.
"You saved that boy today, Jane."
I stopped dead in my tracks and looked up at Maura. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
"What are you talking about, Maur? Jamie's dead. We were too late." My voice cracked and my eyes began to sting again.
"No, not Jamie. I meant Luke. I saw what you did for him, and I heard what you said. You saved him."
"I'm not a hero, Maur. I didn't save anyone."
It was the truth. I couldn't save him. I couldn't save Ellen. I tried and I failed.
"You're my hero Jane, and I'm pretty sure you're somebody else's too." Maura rummaged through her purse and pulled out a few pieces of paper.
"I asked your mom to watch Rosa tonight, she's staying with her at my house. When I went home to check on them, Rosa gave me these and I wanted you to have them." Maura explained softly as she forced the paper into my hands.
It was dark outside but I was still able to make out Rosa's drawings. The first one was of me doing the superman pose, wearing my own long, red cape. The second was of me, Rosa, and Maura, all holding hands. The third and final drawing was of me hugging Rosa, surrounded by lots of red love hearts.
I finally cracked. I allowed my walls to cave and crumble around me.
"Hey, it's okay, Jane. Talk to me. I'm right here."
"I don't know how you do it, Maur." I sobbed.
"Do what?"
Her eyes were deep, and solemn, and searching.
"Love Rosa like this. I just- I really, really love her."
"I know and she loves you too. She loves you so much, Jane."
"I have this searing pain in my heart. It feels like – like I would die if anything happened to her. What if something happens to her? She's just so vulnerable and little and – and – I don't know how you live like this."
Maura had been fighting back the urge to hug me for a while, I could feel it, but she finally gave in. She wrapped her strong arms around me with such urgency and I felt unbelievably safe within her embrace.
"I know. I mean, you saw me fall apart just last night. It's torture, but you can't dwell on that. Sometimes it feels impossible but you have to set aside all of those fears and remind yourself that Rosa is safe and she is loved."
"She's the most loved kid in the world." I added.
"Yes she is, and she is very lucky to have her strong and brave Aunt Jane looking out for her." She stated firmly.
"I don't feel very strong or brave right now, Maur. I'm terrified." I quivered.
"You are the strongest person I have ever met, Jane. And just because you are afraid, it certainly doesn't mean you aren't brave. Nelson Mandela once said that 'the brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear' and you conquer your fears every day. That is true bravery, Jane."
I reluctantly broke away from Maura's embrace and smiled appreciatively.
"It's getting late –"
"Or early, depending on your point of view." Maura interjected, causing me to chuckle slightly.
"Let's go home now." I sniffled.
Home. I liked the sound of that. It felt a little funny to refer to Maura's house as 'home', but at the same time, it was oddly satisfying. A home is where the heart is meant to be, and my heart was always with Maura.
A.N. Okay, so I know that there are probably going to be a few issues with the details of the case, there will inevitably be plot holes and it may seem unrealistic (especially as it was solved so quickly), so I can only apologise for this... I am not a crime writer, nor am I a criminal mastermind! I also suspect that some of you may be disappointed that there wasn't a plot twist; I honestly thought about putting one in but I decided against it because I did not want this to be an ongoing investigation... I wanted to further the relationship between Jane and Maura, and introduce the idea of them telling people in the next chapter, so I really wanted to resolve this case before all of that. I would also like to apologise for any mistakes - this was a really long chapter and I'm not very good at spotting my own mistakes anyway!
