The two young men stared at their sister, and then looked back at each other.
Temari was never a talkative person, but she was awfully quiet ever since she came back a week earlier from Konoha.
The older brother shook his head as his younger brother stared at him with his teal eyes.
"We need to talk to her."
"But she is a grown up."
"She is, but she is rescinding back…" Gaara's determination was burning through his eyes. "We need to talk to Temari. Now."
"Alright, alright." Kankuro raised his hand in the air, and cleared his throat.
His sister turned her head up from the book and looked at the two of them.
"Temari, we need to talk." Kankuro said, arching an eyebrow.
She nodded without a word and closed her book.
"You with this Nara guy…"
She arched an eyebrow, her brilliant green eyes staring at both of her brothers; leaning forward, she waited for another word to come out of Kankuro's mouth.
"Temari, you are not okay." Gaara said at the instance, his teal eyes boring into his sister's meadow ones.
"I am fine…" She smiled weakly, but both of her brothers knew that she was lying.
"No you are not." He snapped. "You are just like what you used to be like, when you're with Hidan."
"It's different." She said softly.
"No, it's not," Kankuro snapped at this time. "You are all bruised and tattered, not outside, but deep inside of you."
Gaara nodded and folded his arms, urging Kankuro to continue.
"This guy, you knew that he doesn't belong to you only, he still love that other woman…whatever her name is." Her brother stared at her with his small brown eyes. "He can't make you happy, not if he is still in love with that other woman-"
Gaara raised his hand, in an attempt to stop his brother's outburst.
Kankuro quieted down and let his younger sibling speak.
"Temari." Gaara began. "We are here to care for you."
She nodded, her face placid, listening, but not listening at the same time.
"I know that you love him, Nara Shikamaru." Gaara said in his monotone, calm, peaceful. "But he doesn't return your love, you have to be separated from him, at least, to let him learn how to."
Temari offered nothing in return, she simply stared into Gaara's teal eyes, for once, Gaara found no comfort in his sister's brilliant teal green eyes, only hollowness, confusion… even fear.
"Temari." He said, with a warm, affirming glance. "Please distance yourself from him, until he changes for the better."
"We don't want to see that fucked up Temari again, once is quiet enough."
Kankuro pressed his hand, reasurring, comforting pressure, on his sister's shoulder.
Temari raised her hand and pressed onto her brother's hand, and nodded silently.
Gaara stared as his elder brother pulled his sister into a hug, before he tugged his hand and pulled him as well.
He swore he could feel something moist on his shoulder as Temari buried her head onto his shoulder.
The only thing he could do was to raise his hand and gently pat her blonde sandy hair.
Shikamaru walked into his parent's apartment hesitantly.
He could already smell the food on the table as he took off his shoes, walking inside, he stared.
Eggs.
His mom was probably mad at him, to make his least favourite food for dinner.
It was a peculiar way of Yoshino Nara to express her emotions through the food she made.
And making his least favourite food was to show him her displeasure towards him.
It is going to be a troublesome dinner. He thought to himself.
He had been working overtime for the entire week, avoiding everyone, even Chouji, even his parents.
If his mother had not threatened to disown him, he would not come back for dinner.
Then he saw his mother, still wearing her apron, sitting in the chair with her arms folded.
His father was sitting there, normally if he had done something wrong, he would have lowered his head sheepishly.
But not today – Nara Shikaku stared at his son as the younger man sat down at the table.
"Shikamaru." His mother began as they started to move their chopsticks. "I raised you to be better than this."
He said nothing, staring back at his mother, who looked at him with her disdain-covered eyes.
"You are not supposed to mess with another girl's feelings when you are still attracted to one," she said, stabbing her chopsticks into her food murderously. "I thought you would know better, since Ino, that girl messed you up, you would know not to do the same to someone else."
He said nothing, guilty, he thought. Guilty as fuck.
"Now that Ino is married, you have to move on. And this is your chance to make amends." She continued as she shoved a morsel of food into her mouth, quieting down for a while.
"Do you hear me Nara Shikamaru?" She demanded, slamming her chopsticks onto the wooden table as she heard no response from opposite the table.
"…Yes." He muttered, eyeing his father, and saw him looking back with the same disappointed eyes.
He swallowed each bite of rice slowly, painfully – it felt like the rice was mixed with pieces of broken glass and cut through his throat as he swallowed.
He walked into the study afterwards, pulling his packet of cigarettes out of his pocket, skillfully fishing one out and putting them onto his lips.
"Son." His father's deep voice rang behind his back.
"You are going to lecture me too?" He sighed, as he lit the cigarette. "What a drag."
"You are a man, Shikamaru, we are going to talk like men do, don't make me whip you like I would do to a little boy." His father said, his voice irritated.
Shikamaru swore he could see a vein popping at the side of his father's face.
The old man was serious.
"Alright." He said, turning to face him, leaning on the window frame, the cigarette slowly burning in between his fingers.
"Tell me, son." He said, his thick arms folding in front of his chest. "Do you love Ino or that Temari girl?"
"…I don't know." He looked away, avoiding his father's intense gaze.
"You are a man, not some troubled teenage girl." He snapped.
"I honestly don't." He looked down at his feet.
"MAN UP!" His father shouted, slamming his fist onto the study desk next to him.
Shikamaru's head shot up that instant, staring at the equally dark eyes that were set in the sockets of the older man, shocked at the sudden outburst.
"You are done whining over one woman, son." He stared at his son, the disappointment was overwhelming – Shikamaru felt his heart dropping in his chest. "You can choose to cry over Ino for the rest of your life, if that's what you do, you are much less than the man I thought I raised you to be."
His father sighed deeply and reached for the doorknob behind him.
"Or."
He stared at his father intently, waiting for guidance like a little lost boy.
"Salvage your broken self." He said before turning the doorknob and walked out with a heavy sigh.
Shikamaru said nothing as he stared at his father's back disappearing, blowing out a cloud of smoke from his lips, his eyes darkened.
His mind went into a haze as the minty smoke filled his nostrils and windpipe.
It had been the twentieth day that she ceased contact.
She felt like an addict on withdrawal, she was constantly checking on her phones – his occasional messaging stirred something deep inside of her, but no, she knew better – her rational self told her that it was for the best.
But that latest text from him, it was different.
I am trying.
He said.
Trying to forget? Trying to move on? She did not know. Trying, trying, trying ... she had enough of that crap.
All she knew was that nothing was certain in life except for death, and the shot of vodka in front of her.
Without second thought she downed the glass, and let the booming music blared through her eardrums.
Numbness.
Ever so soothing, she thought as the scorching liquor slid down her throat.
"Hey baby, why so lonely tonight?" Someone approached her, slinging his arm across her shoulder.
"Fuck off." She muttered, as she shrugged him off.
"Fiery huh?" He was persistent, until someone taller hovered above him and pushed him roughly. Temari could feel his arm brushing off her back abruptly.
She turned and saw a familiar face.
"Leave the lady alone." He said with a stern face, white eyes stared coldly at the half-drunk suitor.
The man raised both of his hands into the air and backed off.
"Temari-san, are you okay?" He turned at her, making sure she was unharmed by the man.
She stared in front of her – she thought she saw two Nejis, no, three …
"Mmph." She smiled at him, causing him to arch an eyebrow.
Without another word, she leaned forward, her arms wrapping around his neck, smiling at him drunkenly.
"Take me home." She said as she pressed a soft kiss onto his cheek.
She was lost, lost in wherever she was. All she wanted was to be wanted.
The night passed like a foggy day out at sea, she could vaguely remember anything, save for the warmth of their bodies, and the damn good feeling of being wanted by someone, badly.
She woke up the next morning, on a large bed with grey bed sheets.
She recognized this place – it is a hotel room, a business room normally rented for travelling professionals.
Next to her, she saw a man with long dark hair, his body well toned; he was visibly disturbed by her movements, as he proceeded to sit up and turned his body towards her.
"Good morning," he smiled at her gently, white milky eyes staring into her green ones.
She glanced at the clock – 07:00.
"Morning," she replied, surveying the situation, which she quickly summarized into a few sentences.
She hooked up with Neji.
She did not really care.
And she wanted to leave.
She stood up and covered herself with the blanket, scrambling for her clothing scattered across the room.
"Temari." He called her name as she hastily dressed herself with her clothes from last night. She could feel him approaching from her back.
She turned back at him and stared at him half apologetic, half embarrassed, just before he reached his arms out towards her.
"I am sorry Neji." She said, frowning and smiling at the same time. "I don't know how to put this nicely, but … I don't feel it between us."
Neji lowered his head, raising it the next second with a soft smile on his fair face.
"I understand." He said, she could feel the soft sigh coming from his mouth, despite the distance between them. "But can't we just try?"
"Sorry." She said again shaking her head, before storming out of the hotel room.
She panted as she walked away hastily away from the hotel building.
Did she feel guilty? No.
Did she feel uncomfortable? Yes.
It just did not feel right, no.
She knew that Neji had something for her, she knew it all along. The looks he gave her, and the smiles ... everything.
But no. Temari is not another Ino - she does not take advantage of a man's love to advance her own cause, it was cheap, disgusting.
Everything that happened last night was a mistake, a alcohol filtered mistake.
No one needs the pain, no one else does.
She could bear all the pain, she had been bearing the pain ever since she could remember.
Pain was the only constant thing in her life.
So constant, that in the face of choosing, she would gladly choose pain again, like a moth to the flame.
But it did not matter - if Shikamaru was the flame, she was the willing moth - crashing right now into him would make what was left of her perish, to maintain her distance from him was equally painful, painful, but at least she was still who she is.
In any way, he was her pain, and crazy as it sound, she would gladly choose him, choose pain again.
Only this time, she hoped that she would not be hurt so badly like she did before.
Perhaps he would let go.
Perhaps she would.
Perhaps they would both burn each other out before that, like fire and gasoline.
But before that, she needed to find herself first - for too long she had been lost.
Author's note:
Another chapter!
It was great to see so much well-written reviews for the previous chapter, I am so glad as they definitely showed your love for the story.
As you could see, my story includes two very f-ed up Shikamaru and Temari (hopefully not out of character) but anyway, their love story is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies.
Now all we can do is hope that they eventually can resolve their problems, right? Perhaps they will, perhaps they never will.
Anyway, stay tuned! Thanks for the love.
V.S.V xoxo
