Thank you for all of your lovely reviews, messages, and continued support. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write this chapter. I made the mistake of writing future chapters first (because I love fluff... There aren't enough mushy chapters in this story and I got excited/carried away) and suddenly I found that I had this huge gap to fill!
FYI, flashbacks are in bold and italics this time... Not to be confused with song lyrics, which are simply written in italics.
"Okay, I have some bad news." I muttered as I entered the bedroom.
"You're dying?"
"No, not that bad! And why would you automatically assume that I was dying?"
"It was a joke, Maura."
Jane reluctantly sat up on the bed. She swivelled herself round and flung her long legs over the side of the mattress. She appeared tired and groggy as she let out a loud yawn whilst simultaneously raising her arms above her head in a salutation to the sun. Even with the worst bedhead situation I have ever seen, she was still breathtakingly beautiful to me. I felt myself smiling involuntarily at her like a lovesick teenager. Snapping out of my trance, I continued to explain the matter at hand.
"Oh. Well, it wasn't a very good one! My mother called."
"Constance?"
"Yes Constance! Who else could I possibly be referring to?!"
"Well, Hope for a start!"
"I suppose you do have a point. For future reference, I still only refer to Hope as either Hope, or my biological mother but that's only when I'm discussing her with acquaintances. Anyway, my mother, Constance, is in town, visiting, and she's coming over." I added somewhat nervously.
"What? When?"
"Now." I smiled sheepishly.
"Now now? As in right now this minute?" Jane asked, her voice laced with shock and confusion.
"Well, not right now. Taking the current traffic into consideration, we have approximately 22 minutes until she gets here."
Jane leapt out of bed and began to pace the floor, desperately trying to work out what to say or do next.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She snapped.
"I assumed she would cancel because she usually does, and well, she didn't."
Jane continued to fuss and mutter inaudible things under her breath. I can only assume that she was trying to get herself ready, however, she did not seem to be making any progress.
"Jane, please tell me what you're thinking."
"I'm thinking that you should have told me about this earlier!"
"I'm sorry to spring this on you and I understand why you're mad."
"I'm not mad, Maura." She grunted as she ran her fingers through her hair.
"You're not? You sound mad."
"I'm not mad!" She answered irately before composing herself. "I'm not mad. I'm just… nervous. I really want to make a good impression, you know?"
It was strange to see Jane seem so nervous. She was usually so confident and self-assured. Only on rare occasions had I seen Jane get herself into such a state and on each occasion, she was always fretting over something far more daunting than this.
"Jane, I don't understand. You have already met my mother, on a number of occasions, I might add. She likes you."
"Yes, I know but – wait, what? She said that? She really likes me? Cause I thought I pissed her off last time –"
"Jane, where is this going?"
"Right. Sorry. The point is, I wasn't your girlfriend back then."
Her voice was shaky and her whole demeanour made my heart melt. I reached out to grasp Jane's hands and felt them tremble profusely within my own.
"Jane, look at me. Everything is going to be fine. You are so kind and caring and compassionate. You are the best partner I could ever ask for. All my mother wants is for me to be happy, and I am so much more than that when I'm with you."
I released one of Jane's hands and raised my own to cup her cheek. I lightly caressed her smooth skin with the pad of my thumb as she met my gaze.
"You really mean that?" She asked, her voice so quiet and unsure.
"I do. You are a real catch, Jane Rizzoli." I beamed.
"Okay." She replied sceptically.
"Okay." I smiled again. "So, I am going to help Rosa get ready and you should probably put on some pants."
I placed a quick, chaste kiss on her lips. Jane was the first to break away from the kiss and I instantly missed the contact. I missed the feeling of her soft, warm lips against my own and I longed to kiss her again. There was plenty of time for that later though.
"Right. Pants."
Jane began rummaging through her drawers and, moments later, she finally pulled out a pair of grey slacks.
"Ooh, maybe not those pants."
"Really, Maura?!" She huffed as I quickly left the room.
"Get those teeth brushed, missy. Grandma will be here any minute." I called out to Rosa as I tried to make the place look presentable.
Jane emerged from our bedroom wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a white blouse. Jane seldom wore anything other than a blazer, t-shirt and slacks, and as a result, I almost forgot she owned other clothes! She looked absolutely amazing in those jeans; they really highlighted her enviable physique.
"There you are! I love your pants, by the way." I complimented.
"Yeah? That makes one of us!" Jane joked. "So what exactly have you told your mother? Does she know I'm back?"
"Yes."
"Does she know that we're a couple now?"
"Um, no, she does not. I mentioned that I was seeing someone but nothing very specific."
"Right. Probably better to tell her in person."
"Exactly, that's what I thought."
"So, tell me more about this wonderful and mysterious new person you're seeing." Jane's probed, her naturally husky voice taking on a much more seductive tone.
"I never said they were wonderful." I smirked.
"Hey!" Jane feigned offence as she playfully slapped my upper arm.
"Well, for a start she's smart, witty and incredibly sexy."
"She sounds delightful. Please, tell me more!" Jane replied flirtatiously as she strolled towards me.
She engulfed me in a romantic embrace and placed a feather-light kiss over my racing pulse. I sighed contently and wrapped my arms around her neck as she snaked hers around my waist. I loved the feeling of her warm hands on my body; I felt so safe and loved and alive. I kissed her tenderly on her lips and sighed as the kiss deepened. I felt her tongue trace my lip, requesting entry, which I gladly granted, of course. It was almost as if our tongues danced to a melody that only we could hear and feel. Gasping for air, we reluctantly broke apart and it made my heart ache. I stared into Jane's chocolate brown orbs and watched in awe as they appeared to grow darker and richer. She was irresistible and there was nothing I wanted more than to take her into our bedroom and worship every inch of her. However, that would have to wait. I let out a deep sigh as I reluctantly pulled away from her. I tried to distract myself from my increasing arousal by focusing my attention on the collar of her blouse. I noticed that the edges of her collar were ever so slightly crooked and I began to smooth them out.
"Get off me!" She exclaimed as she swatted my hands away.
"Hold still! You're such a child!"
"Yeah, well, it takes one to know one!" She scowled.
"That doesn't even make sense in this context." I chuckled.
This sweet and playful moment was interrupted by an assertive knock at the door.
"I wonder who that could be?!" Jane joked.
I flashed her a quick smile before proceeding to open the door.
"Hello mother." I greeted politely.
"Hello darling! You look well."
"Thank you. As do you. Please, come in."
I gestured for her to make her way into the living room and closed the door behind her. She didn't just walk, she glided. My mother always had this air of grace and elegance about her. It was both marvellous and intimidating.
"So nice to see you again, Jane." She stated coldly.
Perhaps I was reading too much into it, but I sensed a hint of hostility and bitterness in her tone.
"You too. It's been a while." Jane smiled uneasily.
I could almost see the cogs turning in her head as she tried to decide whether or not to hug my mother. In the end, she settled on a handshake. It was a little awkward to say the least.
"Three and a half years, but who's counting?"
"You apparently! So, what brings you here?" Jane asked politely, trying not to pay attention to the frosty reception she was receiving from my mother.
"Can't a mother pay her only a daughter a visit without having a hidden agenda?"
"Maura! Do something!" Jane whispered desperately in my ear.
As soon as my mother looked over at us, Jane smiled broadly. I hoped that she would lose the crazed smile before she started cramping, this interaction was painful enough already. Fortunately, Rosa made her entrance and the mood lightened significantly.
"And who is this lovely young lady?" My mother asked, pretending not to recognise Rosa.
It had only been two years or so since she last visited and I always send her lots of photographs. There is no way my mother could forget her own granddaughter.
"It's me, Grandma! Rosa Jane Isles!" Rosa exclaimed as she ran towards her.
"No, you can't be Rosa Jane Isles… She's only a baby!"
My mother loved Rosa and she became such a wonderful grandmother. She always made such an effort to engage with her. It was a stark contrast to the way she was with me when I was a child.
"See, mommy! I told you I've grown! Even grandma didn't recognise me!"
"So, mother. I hear there is an exhibition on Contemporary Eastern European Art at the Boston Museum of Art tomorrow night. Will you be attending?"
"Of course. Only an uncouth philistine would pass up the opportunity to see Balkan Baroque in the flesh. Isn't that right, Jane?"
"Oh yes, absolutely. I just love his stuff."
"Um, Jane. Balkan Baroque isn't the artist, it's the title of one of Marina Abramović's most famous installations." I gently informed.
"Right, I knew that. I was just testing you… Congratulations, you passed! Who wants a drink?"
"Maura, perhaps you'd like to join me?"
"I'd be delighted to, mother."
"Oh and you must ask that lovely new beau of yours to tag along. I can't wait to meet him."
"Yeah, he can't wait either!" Jane muttered sarcastically under her breath.
"Actually, mother. Why don't you ask her yourself? Jane is my girlfriend, she is the new person I've been seeing."
"I don't believe it! I raised you to be better than this, Maura."
"I am still the same person you raised me to be, mother. Just because I am in a relationship with a woman now, it doesn't mean I am any less of a person."
"You think the reason why I disapprove of your relationship is because Jane is a woman?"
"Well, isn't it?"
"No, of course not. That has nothing to do with it. I always knew that you were sexually fluid."
"You did?"
"Yes, I knew all about you and Jennifer."
"Maura? Who's Jennifer?"
"Just a girl I used to date in med school. How did you know about her?!"
"That's not important right now –"
"I never thought I'd say this, but your mother is right, Maura. I think the more important question here is how did I not know about her?!"
"Rosa, why don't you go and play upstairs? I'll come up and check on you in a little while." I smiled.
"Okay, mommy."
After she left the room, I continued.
"Because, Jane. The topic never came up."
"Um, yeah it did, Maur. The first time we – you know –" she looked over at my mother before continuing. "Did stuff… you said you'd never slept with another woman!"
"No, I didn't! I would never have said that!"
"Yes you did and I told you that I hadn't either!"
"Jane, can we please talk about this later? Preferably without my mother present."
"Fine."
"I do not have a problem with you and Jane being lesbians, Maura. As I have mentioned before, it is not your sexual preference that I have an issue with. It is your choice of partner. I raised you to be a smart, rational and intelligent woman, yet you seemed to have tossed all logic and reason out the window!"
"What do you mean by that, mother?" I asked tersely.
"You seem to be forgetting the turmoil that your beloved Jane put you through! For three years, you stayed right here, waiting for her to come back to you."
"I haven't forgotten anything, mother. And you know what? I am so glad I waited because she is here now! She did come back to me!"
"But you were so miserable, darling. I am only telling you this because I love you. While you were sitting here, waiting by the phone for a call that never came, crying your eyes out over a woman who merely posed as your best friend, Jane was off gallivanting in DC, doing god knows what! And she may be here right now, but how long is that going to last? She is not good enough for you and she's still a flight risk, Maura. If you were thinking clearly you'd see that!"
That was it. I had heard enough. My blood boiled and suddenly words started spewing out of my mouth, like lava from a volcano.
"I am going to have to stop you before you continue, for your own sake. Jane is good enough for me, mother. In fact, I'm almost certain that she is too good for me. And you are not going to imply that I am reckless and irresponsible because I am engaging in a relationship with the woman I love. I am not some lovesick teenager, and to imply anything of the sort is offensive. I am a grown woman, mother. I am more than capable of making my own decisions. I've been successfully doing just that for years."
"Maura, I just meant that love and lust can make even the most intelligent people do irrational things. Things that they wouldn't dream of doing if their judgement wasn't clouded. You rushed into whatever this is with Jane because it felt exhilarating and exciting, but it isn't right. Just because it feels good now, it doesn't mean that all of the previous damage has been repaired."
"If you are done trying to psychoanalyse me, I have something more to say. I did not just rush into this with my eyes closed. I am well aware of all the facts, mother. Yes, I was devastated when Jane left and yes, it still hurts to know that she didn't talk to me for three years, but it is done. She is here now and she is staying. I had to make a choice; I could take a chance on Jane, on us, or turn my back on the woman I love for good. There was a choice and I chose love. And it is the best choice that I ever made."
I felt tears pooling in my eyes. I glanced over at Jane and the sight of her broke my heart. She looked so broken and devastated as she tried to fight back tears. I took hold of Jane's hand and she instinctively looked up at me. Her eyes were so swollen and red-rimmed. I offered her a watery smile and firmly nodded my head, assuring her that I meant every word. That being with her really was the best choice I ever made.
Still holding Jane's hand, as an act of solidarity, I began to address my mother once again.
"Those three years without Jane were some of the hardest years of my life, and I do not want to spend a single moment more without her by my side. Whether you like it or not, we are together." I stressed as I gently squeezed Jane's hand.
Mother turned to face me in stunned silence. She dipped her head and swallowed sharply. After a moment of hesitation, she reluctantly looked up at me. Her face was solemn and her big steel-grey eyes were flooded with emotion. I wasn't used to seeing my mother like that and it instantly made me feel guilty for raising my voice at her. Yes, she is my mother and I should be respectful towards her, but she was out of line and she needed to know that. Consequently, I decided to soften my tone; being angry or rude doesn't solve anything. It doesn't make people understand, it only causes offense and leads to more anguish. It is far more effective to speak calmly and rationally.
"I love her and she loves me and none of the rest of it matters. I am your daughter and it would mean a lot me, and to Jane, if you could find a way to support us and our relationship. Perhaps even one day you could be happy for us."
I waited for a moment, allowing my mother to digest what I had just told her and to give her the opportunity to make her peace. The moment silently settled and lingered for what felt like much more than a moment.
"I should go."
"I think that's probably for the best."
The door closed and my heart sank, suddenly feeling much heavier than it felt before. That was not the way I had expected my mother to react to the news. I had hoped that she would take it much, much better, but it seemed that Jane was right to worry after all.
"Jane, can we talk?"
Jane didn't utter word, so I decided to excuse myself, and go and check on Rosa. She was sitting on one of the stairs, peering through the gaps in the bannister.
"What are you doing out here, missy? I thought I asked you to go and wait for me upstairs."
"But I am upstairs, mommy. I can't be in trouble because you didn't tell me to go to my room."
"Okay, smarty pants." I replied as I sat down beside her.
Rosa leaned in towards me and planted a loving yet sloppy kiss on my cheek.
"What was that for?"
"I heard you and grandma fighting." She replied sadly as she grasped one of my hands.
Her cerulean eyes twinkled as she stared back at me. She was so sweet and innocent; I should have been the one protecting her, making her feel better.
"We weren't fighting, we were just having a heated discussion. It's nothing for you to worry about, grown-ups do this sort of thing all the time."
I tried downplay the situation as I didn't want Rosa to worry and I didn't want to tarnish her opinion of her grandmother.
"Then why do you look so sad, mommy?"
"Mommy is sad because grandma said some hurtful things."
"Why did she do that? It's not nice to say mean things."
"You're right, Rosa. It isn't nice to say mean things, but grandma didn't mean to upset me. I think she just didn't want to see me get hurt again. A mommy will say and do anything to protect her daughter."
Rosa smiled up at me and we pressed the tips of our noses together in an eskimo kiss.
"I love you, baby."
"I love you too, mommy."
We sat hand in hand on the stairs for a moment, neither one of us moving nor retracting our hands. We just sat there, silently, contemplating what to do next.
"Mommy? Am I Lebanese?" Rosa piped up out of nowhere.
"Um, no, sweetie. Whatever gave you that idea?"
"I heard grandma say that you and Aunt Jane are Lebanese. Does that make me Lebanese as well?" She asked curiously, her eyebrows knitting in confusion.
"Oh. Grandma didn't say that we were Lebanese, she said that we were lesbians. You see, the words sound a little similar but they actually mean completely different things."
"So I'm not Lebanese?"
"No, you're American because you were born in America, not Lebanon."
"Am I a lesbian?"
"Only if you want to be. A lesbian is a girl who loves other girls."
"Like you love Aunt Jane?"
"Yes, sort of, but it's a little bit more complicated than that."
"Because you loved daddy too? Daddy is a boy."
"Yes, you're right, Rosa. You see, love is love. You can love boys or girls, or boys and girls. One day, you will meet someone and fall madly in love with them. It doesn't matter if that person is a boy or a girl, as long as you love them and they love you."
"That doesn't sound complicated at all, mommy."
"Is Rosa okay?"
"She's fine. A little disappointed that she's not Lebanese, but I think she'll get over it."
Jane furrowed her brow and looked at me expectantly. I slumped down beside her on the couch and filled her in on my little chat with Rosa. She lightly chuckled and I affectionately bumped my shoulder against hers. Jane was nervously ringing her hands, so I decided to slip my own hand into hers. She froze for a moment before interlocking our fingers.
"We're gonna have to talk about this now, aren't we?"
"Yes, we are."
"I don't know where to start."
"Neither do I."
Jane's POV:
We sat in a comfortable silence for a moment, staring into space. Maura still clasped my hand in hers. It was funny really, despite everything that had just happened, the atmosphere felt kind of calm and peaceful.
"I thought about running."
I don't really know why I said that. I mean, it was the truth, but I didn't mean to tell Maura that. The words sort of just tumbled out of my mouth.
"What?"
Maura's eyes darted up at me and I watched the pain swirl behind them. I felt another sudden pang of guilt. I caused that pain.
"When you went upstairs to check on Rosa, I thought about running away. I didn't, obviously, but I just thought you should know that I thought about it."
"Thank you for telling me. Honestly, I don't blame you for wanting to leave." Maura replied sadly as she pulled her had away.
"That's the thing, Maura. I didn't want to leave. I just thought I should leave because I know you'd be better off without me."
"That's not true, Jane. I could never be better off without you. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I can't bear the thought of ever being without you, so please, don't run away again."
"Your mom was right though, Maura. I put you through hell and you deserve so much better. I should have been there for you, but I wasn't, was I? I left you." I sobbed.
Maura threw her arms around me and held me tight. I could feel her heart thumping against mine, they were beating in harmony. I had no control over the waterfall of tears that were streaming down my face and dripping onto Maura's shoulder.
"But you came back. All of the pain, and all of the suffering, was worth it because you came back to me, Jane. Being here with you, having what we have now is worth it. You are worth it."
Her voice was stoic and steady, never wavering. Not once. Maura pulled away from me to look me in the eyes. Her hazel eyes glistened with unshed tears, and she had tracks of mascara running all down her cheeks. She leaned in to place a delicate and salty kiss on my lips.
"I was gone for three years, Maur."
"I know."
Of course she knew.
"I- I missed out on so much. You are such an incredible mother, such an incredible person, and you had to become all of that by yourself. You were alone because of me."
"I was never alone, Jane. I had your mom, Frankie, Tommy, Korsak, and even Jack. I had so many people there to help me."
"That's not what I meant, Maur. I promised you that I'd always be there for you and then I left. I should have been there for you. It should have been me, Maura."
Immediately she enveloped me in another tight hug, holding me as if she would never let go again.
"You're here now, Jane. You're here now." She soothed as she stroked the back of my head.
"I'm so sorry, Maur. I'm just so sorry."
I held Maura impossibly close. I choked back a sob but my lips continued to quiver.
"Hey, enough of that, okay?" She smiled through her tears. "You have to stop apologising and learn to forgive yourself. No matter how much you want to, you can't turn back the clock. You left, but you came back again and you have been there for me and Rosa ever since. Nothing else matters."
"Do you think that one day, you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me? I mean, I know I was a jerk and I treated you like crap, Maur and – and I don't think I deserve it but–"
"Oh Jane, I forgave you a long time ago."
She peppered me with kisses and each one seemed to lift the burden from my shoulders a little bit more. Maura is extraordinary, there is no other word to describe her. My heart fluttered inside my chest as Maura pulled out of the embrace to place a tender kiss on my lips. It was more healing than passionate, but it was exactly what I needed.
"I love you, Maura."
"I love you too, Jane. Always and forever."
"Maura, I don't want to ruin the moment or anything, but I have to know… Why didn't you tell me about Jennifer?"
"It was a long time ago, Jane. I wasn't hiding her from you, she just never came up. I'm sure you haven't told me about all of your exes."
"But Maura, she did come up. The first time we made love, you said 'I haven't been with a woman before.' You said that, Maura."
"No, I didn't, Jane. I would never have said that because it wouldn't have been the truth. I would never lie to you, Jane. That night, it was our first date and I was really, really nervous because I had only been on a few dates since Rosa was born. The date went really well and things were moving so quickly. And I panicked… because none of my other dates made it past dinner."
"Wow… So when we uh – you know… That was the first time you –"
I stumbled on my words, so Maura stepped in to help.
"Had sex since Rosa was born? Yes. That's what I was trying to tell you."
I replayed the events of that night in my head. Maura was right, she didn't say that she had never been with a woman before.
"I'm sorry, Maur. Did I do something wrong?"
"No. You didn't do anything wrong, Jane… I want you. God, I want you Jane. It's just, well, I haven't –"
"Hey, it's okay. I haven't either, but we can stop."
"But I cut you off. I wrongly assumed that you were nervous because you had never slept with a woman before. I mean, that's why I so nervous. Looking back on it though, I should have known it wasn't your first time… You knew exactly what you were doing!"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Jennifer. I hope it doesn't change anything for you."
"It doesn't. We both have histories, Maura. As long as the past stays in the past, I'm fine with it."
"I may have had other sexual partners in the past, but it's different with you, Jane. I've never felt anything like it before."
"I know exactly what you mean, Maur." I smiled.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have found you… I still can't believe that you, the incredibly sexy Maura Isles, remained celibate for four whole years!"
"Why is that so hard for you to believe?"
"Because you love sex!"
"I do." She chuckled. "But it's hard to meet people when you have a child; you're either too busy or your date decides that you come with too much baggage. That's not the only reason why I waited though, I wanted it to mean something. I wanted to have it all and I didn't want to settle for less anymore."
"Well, was it worth the wait?" I grinned.
"Absolutely. It was so much better than I ever imagined it would be. You wouldn't believe how nervous I was, Jane. It had been such a long time for me and I was worried that, when you saw what was under the clothes, you wouldn't find me attractive anymore. I'm not the woman I used to be… I'm a mom, and don't get me wrong, I am so proud of that, but I have a huge C-section scar and ugly stretch marks. But you saw past all of that, you made me feel sexy again, Jane."
"Maur, you should feel sexy. You are so beautiful. Always have been. Always will be. A few teeny-tiny stretch marks and a scar are never going to change that, Maura. I get it though, I used to hate my scars too. They reminded me of Hoyt, and how weak he made me feel."
I felt Maura squeeze my hand and trace my scar with her thumb. It was an action that she had carried out many times, unconsciously, but it meant so much more this time.
"But one day, I realised that those scars don't define me, just like your scars don't define you. They are just teeny, tiny, insignificant parts of us now."
"I think that your scars show the world just how strong and brave you really are, Jane. They are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of strength. You could have given up, but you didn't. You kept fighting and you survived. That demonstrates incredible strength, Jane."
"You're a survivor too, Maur. You are so much stronger than you know. You give me strength, a strength I never had on my own." I paused for a moment before continuing.
"You were content to let me shine, that's your way. You always walked a step behind. So I was the one with all the glory, while you were the one with all the strength. A beautiful face without a name for so long. A beautiful smile to hide the pain."
"Jane? Did you just quote Wind Beneath My Wings?" She chuckled.
"Maybe!"
I cleared my throat and began to serenade her in a very eccentric manner.
"Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings."
"That was… really something!" She joked.
"Hold the applause! I've not finished yet!"
I moved round to kneel in front of Maura and held both of her hands tightly. I started singing again, but this time, it was more serious.
"It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you."
Maura closed the gap between us by lunging forwards, and capturing my lips in a sweet and sensual kiss.
Without warning, Maura jumped to her feet.
"No! Don't go!" I whined, hating the loss of contact.
"I'll be back in just a second. There's something I want to show you."
Maura stayed true to her word and before I knew it, she was sitting next to me on the couch once again. She placed a big heavy book in my lap.
"You want to know everything that happened over the last three years? Well, it's all in here."
"Wow! I remember this! It's Rosa's memory book."
"Oh wow! What is it?" Maura asked excitedly as she unwrapped the gift from ma.
"It's a baby memory book. You put ultrasounds, photos, journal entries and all that sort of stuff in it. I made one for each of my three kids. When you look at it years from now, you'll never believe they were that small." Ma smiled.
I watched Maura's face fall as she flicked trough the blank pages. I knew what she was thinking – she was scared she wouldn't live to see her baby grow up. Following the placenta previa diagnosis, I moved in with Maura. I knew how dangerous it could be for her and the baby, and I hated the thought of her being scared and alone. I wanted to take away her fear and her pain, but I couldn't.
Maura exhaled shakily and I knew she was trying not to cry.
"Maura." I sighed as I softly stroked her forearm.
She looked up at me, her eyes full of fear and sadness. It broke my heart. Today was her baby shower. This was supposed to be a happy day.
Maura nodded her head sadly and tried to give me her best smile. Even that couldn't hide the pain behind her eyes.
"You okay?" Ma asked, gently placing her palm on Maura's shoulder.
Maura nodded again, but this time she looked down, desperately avoiding eye contact. I watched as she blinked back tears and promptly wiped her eyes. She looked up once again and I couldn't help but notice that her eyes were red and puffy and full of tears. Tears that Maura was too stubborn to let fall.
She sighed again deeply.
"Thank you Angela. I love it." She smiled at ma. "And – and I just want you both to know that I love you very much." She sobbed.
"We love you too, Maura. We love you too." I emphasised, trying to ignore the tears that were threatening to spill over my own eyes.
I pulled Maura into my arms. She was so fragile and delicate. I just wanted to wrap her up in bubble wrap or something. I wanted to protect her, but I couldn't. There was nothing I could do to keep her safe and the feeling of helplessness almost killed me.
"Okay, hold on! No more crying. I'm taking a picture, no crying for the picture." Ma ordered as she quickly dabbed away her own tears.
"Look at you, Maur! You were glowing." I smiled as I looked at the photograph from the baby shower.
"If by glowing you mean growing, then maybe! I was huge."
"You were pregnant! And you weren't even that big."
I turned the page to find the first photo of baby Rosa. I had taken it while she was in the NICU and Maura was still in a coma. I didn't want Maura to miss out on anything, so I made sure that I took lots of photos. It was sort of like she had done the same for me.
"I can't believe how tiny she was." Maura smiled.
"Me neither. She's grown into such a great kid and that's all because of you, Maur."
"I made Rosa another memory book, your mom helped me put it together. It's full of pictures of you. She keeps it tucked away under her pillow."
"Really?"
"Yes. I always wanted my daughter to know her brave and strong and badass Aunt Jane. She was so young when you left, and it broke my heart to think that she wouldn't know you. I used to tell her stories about you, and I asked your mom and brothers to do the same. She idolises you Jane, you're a real-life superhero."
"Did she ask about me?"
"All the time. 'Where is Aunt Jane? Why can't I see her? When is she coming back? Does Aunt Jane have a phone? Why can't I talk to her? Does Aunt Jane eat kale?' She talked about you incessantly."
"Does Aunt Jane eat kale?! What on earth made her ask that?!"
"She used to hate kale and I told her it would make her big and strong, so she asked if you ate it. I told her you did and now she loves it."
"Maura!" I gasped. "How could you lie to her like that? Everyone knows I don't eat kale!"
"Well, now you do!"
"Oh man! This sucks! I thought you couldn't lie anyway."
"Technically it wasn't a lie… You did eat kale that one time –"
"Yeah and I spat it right back out again! I haven't even looked at the stuff since!"
Maura and I chuckled.
"I told Rosa that you couldn't be with her because you were saving the world. I explained to her that you loved her very much and that you would have given anything to be with her." Maura explained softly, her voice filled with love and sincerity.
"Thanks Maur."
"For what?"
"For making me out to be a hero. I was a jackass and you had every right to tell her that. Hell, I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't want to tell her about me at all."
"You made a mistake, Jane. I may not have liked what you did, but you were still my favourite person. Always and forever."
I leaned in to kiss Maura and our lips were about to collide when we were interrupted by a knock at the door. Maura smoothed out the imaginary creases in her dress before answering.
"Angela! I didn't know you were coming over."
'Oh great, now my mother's here!' I thought to myself.
"I was just in the neighbourhood and I thought I'd stop by."
"Well, it's always a pleasure to see you. Please come in."
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
She was. I fully intended to have a good old fashioned make-out session with Maura. But another spanner was thrown in the works. A loud and annoying spanner in the shape of my mother.
"No, of course not. I was just showing Jane Rosa's memory book." Maura replied politely.
She clearly wasn't as frustrated as I was.
"Oh how cute! Look at those chubby cheeks!" Ma cooed as she plonked herself down on the couch in between me and Maura.
"So, you were just in the neighbourhood? Say, ma, what brings you to Beacon Hill?"
"Well, I was about to go pick up T.J. when I had an idea."
"Oh boy."
"Hey! You didn't even let me finish!"
"Didn't have to! I know you, and I know all about your crazy plans and ideas!" I joked.
Ma jabbed me with her elbow.
"Ow!"
Maura chuckled as I rubbed my arm, pretending to be more hurt than I was.
"As I was saying, it's such a warm and sunny day, and I thought it would be nice to take both of my grandbabies to the park. It's always more fun for T.J. when he has someone else to play with! I just can't keep up with him!"
"That sounds like a lovely idea. I'm sure Rosa would love to go. Thank you for inviting her, Angela."
"Maura, what about your mother? She came all this way to spend time with you and Rosa."
"Jane, you saw how she was earlier. I doubt she'll be back anytime soon. I'll just go and get Rosa for you, Angela." Maura smiled before heading upstairs.
"Constance is here?" Ma asked after Maura had left.
"Well, she was. She left about an hour ago."
"That's a shame, it would've been nice to say hello."
"I'm not so sure, ma."
"What do you mean? We've always got on so well."
"Let's just say that she doesn't approve of me dating Maura."
"It's a lot to take in, Janie. I'm sure she'll warm up to it all when she sees how happy you make each other. I mean, I saw this coming but I would imagine it can be quite a shock to suddenly find out that your daughter has a girlfriend. Your father was horrified –"
"What?! When did you speak to pop?"
"At Tommy's wedding. He saw the two of you dancing together and hit the roof! He charged straight at me and started yelling about how he needed to do something!"
"What? Why would he need to do anything? Last time I checked, there are only two people in this relationship and he isn't one of 'em!"
"I know that. That's why I told him that all he needed to do was be supportive. Then I went over and kissed you both!"
I should have known pop would have something to say about this. If I'd known, I'd have given him something to talk about! Not that he even had the balls to come and talk to me himself. He's a coward and a waste of space.
"Why didn't you tell me this before, ma?"
"Because I didn't want to upset you, baby. You just looked so happy and I'd missed that. I didn't want an asshole like him spoiling such a beautiful moment."
"Thanks ma, but Constance doesn't have a problem with me being a woman. She has a problem with me being, well, me."
"What's wrong with who you are?! You are funny and kind and beautiful… I mean, maybe you could use a bit of make-up every now and again –"
"Ma!"
"I'm just saying!"
"Yeah, well no one asked! Anyway, she has a problem with me because I hurt Maura. She thinks I'm bad news."
"Oh, I understand."
"You do?"
"Yeah, Janie, I think I do. Maura is like a daughter to me, so of course I was concerned at first - I saw how sad she was when you left. I watched her try to pick herself back up again and she was finally in a good place when you came back. I didn't want to see her get hurt again. But you know what else I saw? I saw how much you love her, how happy you make her, and I knew that you would never hurt her like that again."
"If only Constance could see that."
"Just give her time. She'll come around." Ma replied softly as she lovingly draped her arm around me.
"Thanks ma."
"Rosa! Please be careful on the stairs!" Maura cried out worriedly from upstairs.
Rosa didn't answer. Instead, all I could hear was her hurtling down the stairs like a little baby elephant and Maura chasing after her.
"Nanny Angela!" Rosa cheered breathily when she appeared a fraction of a second later.
"Rosa, what have I told you about running down the stairs?" Maura scolded.
"That it's too dangerous because I could fall and hurt myself. I'm sorry, mommy. I was just excited." Rosa murmured sadly as her bottom lip quivered.
Maura's expression softened and she bent down to smooth the hair out of Rosa's face.
"I know, sweetie. Just be a bit more careful next time, okay?"
"Okay mommy. I promise."
Rosa extended her little finger and Maura did the same, entwining their fingers to make a pinky promise. Maura kissed Rosa on the forehead and helped her to zip up her jacket.
"You be a good girl for Nanny Angela and mommy will see you later." Maura smiled before kissing Rosa again. "I love you."
"I love you too, mommy." Rosa chirped.
Rosa skipped towards ma, grabbed her hand and practically dragged her towards the front door.
"Well, I guess we're off! Bye girls!" Ma laughed, closing the door behind her.
Maura was practically catatonic, just staring at the door.
"You do know that ma will bring her back in a few hours, right?!" I joked as I crept up behind Maura.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my head on her shoulder, startling her from her thoughts.
"I know, I know." She smiled. "It's just hard to let her go sometimes." She sighed into my embrace.
"I get it. But hey, she'll have an amazing afternoon at the park with ma and TJ." I quickly span Maura around so that our faces were merely inches apart. "And you know what that means?"
"That your mother is going to buy her ice cream with lots of sprinkles and spoil her appetite!" Maura gasped in horror.
"No! Well, probably... but that's not what I was on about, you goofball! It means we finally have the house to ourselves." I added coyly, pulling her closer by the hips.
"Oh. Oh!" Maura exclaimed, finally realising what I was implying.
A coquettish grin flashed across her lips and before I knew it, her lips were crashing against mine. Our hands desperately roamed across each other's bodies, leaving waves of electricity in their wake. A guttural moan filled the room and I had no idea if it had escaped Maura's lips or my own.
"How about we take this into the bedroom?" Maura sighed seductively.
I could see the unmistakable passion and desire burning in her eyes and it made my whole body ache for her. I had yearned to hear her say those words all day. It was like music to my ears. Sweet, sweet music.
"I thought you'd never ask." I beamed, my voice raspy with arousal.
I swiftly scooped Maura up in my arms, causing her to giggle with sheer delight as I carried her into our bedroom. I closed the door behind us with my foot and gently lowered Maura onto the bed. She gazed up at me with big, round, pleading eyes. I pressed our bodies together, latched my lips onto her neck and started sucking hungrily. Maura moaned contently and I could feel her pulse racing a mile a minute beneath my lips. Clothes were ripped off and thrown around the room. It was thrilling, magical, and incredibly natural. We fitted together so well that it was almost like we were made for each other. Who am I kidding? We were made for each other. I began to trail kisses down Maura's toned body, across her clavicle, her breasts, and the vast expanse of her abdomen. Her soft, creamy skin felt incredible against my lips, and her hands, god those incredible hands, felt amazing when they smoothed over every curve of my body. Maura writhed under my touch and it took everything I had not to stumble over the edge too soon.
"I need you, Jane." Maura gasped in between moans, her voice loaded with lust.
Oh god. That face. That body. That voice. Maura had awakened something within me and, of course, she didn't need to ask me twice. I was onto her and all over her. I could feel myself drowning in her love and I savoured every second of it.
"It's such a shame that we can't go to the Eastern European art exhibition anymore. I was really looking forward to it." Maura sighed as we entered the precinct the following morning.
"Yeah, such a shame." I added sarcastically.
"It is!"
"Then why don't you go?"
"Good one, Jane."
"I'm serious, Maur. You'd get to see the art you love and build bridges with your mother. You'd kill two birds with one stone."
"I'm not sure I'm ready to mend the relationship with my mother, Jane, and I can't exactly go to the exhibition on my own –"
"Nuh-uh! Nope! Not gonna happen!"
"But Jane." She pleaded, knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to refuse. "Please come with me. It's only one night. You know you want to!"
"Why?! Why would I want to do that?"
"Because you love me… and I'll totally make it worth your while!"
"Fine. But you owe me. Big time." I huffed.
Maura grinned in response. God that smile. That woman. She is going to be the death of me. In a good way though.
"Oh, you surprise me. I wouldn't have thought you'd be the type I'd catch reading… Actually, that sentence is finished."
"Ha ha very funny, Gilford. For your information, I am an avid reader."
"Is that so? What was the last book you read?"
"This one, duh!" I stated matter-of-factly as I waved the book in his face.
"Contemporary Eastern European Art. Sounds riveting."
"Oh it is." I replied sarcastically. "It's a catalogue for an exhibition I've gotta go to called 'Jane is made to look like a dumbass.'"
"You should just stay here."
I scowled at Gilford in response.
"I've been trying to brush up on some of the artists before tonight but this isn't helping. Exhibit 13 - name of piece: untitled, origin: unsure, artist: unknown. At least Red Sox magazine gives you the facts!"
"Why are you going to this thing anyway?"
"Because Maura asked me to."
"Man, you are so whipped!"
"Am not!"
"Sure." He remarked as he raised his eyebrows knowingly.
"Whatever. You're just jealous." I huffed.
I heard my phone vibrate on my desk and looked down to see Maura's face flash up on the screen. I couldn't help but smile.
"Hey Maur, what's up? Honey, slow down. You're speaking too fast for me! An emergency? I'll be right there."
Gilford got out his phone and opened an app to play a whip sound effect as he pretended to crack an imaginary whip.
"You've been waiting a whole month to do that, haven't you?"
"You bet!"
"Jerk."
"I prefer opportunist."
"Shut it, Gilford."
"Maura? Where are you?"
"In the bedroom." She called out to me.
"Ooh, I love these kinds of emergencies!" I practically squealed with excitement.
I raced towards the bedroom, expecting to find my gorgeous, sexy, seductress of a girlfriend sprawled out on the bed wearing some sort of attire that left very little to the imagination. My temperature spiked at the thought of what was waiting for me behind that door. The suspense was killing me. I slowly opened the bedroom door, the final barrier between me and my girl.
"Really?! This was the emergency!" I cried with disappointment.
Maura was standing in the middle of the room wearing super sexy lace underwear, but it was abundantly clear that sex was off the table right now. She seemed anxious as she stared at the mountainous piles of dresses dumped on the bed, the contortion of her face suggesting that she was in some sort of crisis.
"Yes! I need your help! I'm so nervous, I don't know what to wear."
"Well, clothes might be an idea." I quipped.
"Can you please just hold back your sarcastic comments for one minute?"
"Gee, I don't know, Maura. That's asking a lot." I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Maybe this was a bad idea, Jane."
"What? Are you kidding me, Maur? You were so hyped for this expedition thingy."
"Exhibition."
"Same thing."
"Jane, my mother will be there."
"I know, honey." I stated softly as I steadied Maura's shoulders. "But you love contemporary Eastern European art, and you've been looking forward to this for weeks. I mean, you kept telling me how awesome it's gonna be and how we just have to go. Are you really gonna let miserable old Medusa stop you from having fun?"
"My mother isn't a gorgon, Jane."
"Really? Cause it sure felt like I turned to stone when I looked into her eyes!"
Fortunately my joke elicited a slight chuckle from Maura. It was ever so faint, but a chuckle is still a chuckle.
"Look Maur. I know you're hurt and I know she isn't your favourite person right now. She sure as hell isn't mine. But I love you Maura, and I know you will regret it if you don't get to see Balkan Baroque in the flesh. You're not some uncouth philistine now, are you?" I asked, doing my best impression of Constance Isles.
"No, I am not." Maura sighed.
"Well then, get your un-philistine ass back in that closet and put on a pretty dress!"
Maura leaned over and kissed my cheek. As she pulled away, I felt my hand reach up to cup my cheek and gently trace the ghost of her kiss.
"It's so sweet of you to do this for me, Jane. I know contemporary Eastern European art isn't your thing and I would imagine that you are feeling equally nauseous at the thought of being in the same room as my mother. Especially after all of the awful things she said."
"I'd do anything for you, Maura. I know how important this exhibition is to you, so it's important to me too."
"Thank you, Jane."
Maura beamed at me. Her signature smile – the reason why I walk willingly into crap like this. Into the fiery pits of hell. With no shoes on. I would do anything to make her smile. To make her happy. God, Gilford was right, I am whipped. But you know what? I kind of like it. I like having someone that I would do anything for, drop everything for. And I know Maura would do the same for me. That's how it's supposed to be when you love someone. You'll do all sorts of crazy things and you won't think twice about doin' it, all in the name of love. And that my friend, is a beautiful thing.
"How about this?"
Maura re-emerged from her closet wearing a black bodycon dress with a coral and kaki camouflage/butterfly print. It was smart and sexy; the coral making her complexion pop, and the tight material hugging every curve. She looked stunning.
"It looks gorgeous. You look gorgeous. Job done!" I exclaimed, giving her an enthusiastic thumbs up.
"No. Take it seriously. It's - it's - I don't know! I hate it."
"Yeah..." I frowned.
"It's boring." She added.
Boring? How could a dress like that ever be considered boring?! It wasn't just some boring black dress, it had a splash of colour for god's sake!
"And - and it makes me look kind of... Fat." She sighed sadly as she scrutinised herself in the mirror.
"You're right. It is boring and you look ginormous. I can't believe how fat you look. What - what do you weigh? Like 115 pounds?"
"116.8."
"Wow, no wonder."
Maura scowled and huffed as she stormed off into her closet to get changed again.
"What do you think of this one?"
She was wearing a low-cut, dark green, satin dress with crisscross straps.
"Lovely. Now let's go!" I exclaimed as I tried to hurry her out of the bedroom.
Maura caught sight of her reflection and gasped in horror.
"No! It shows off far too much cleavage!"
"Does it? I hadn't noticed."
Okay, I lied. Of course I noticed, Maura has great boobs! I certainly wasn't going to complain that her outfit was too revealing! At that moment, I realised that this was probably going to take a while, so I decided to take a seat and make myself comfortable.
"Ta-da!"
"Well, it definitely doesn't show off too much cleavage." I sighed as I looked Maura up and down.
She was wearing a plain navy dress with a Peter Pan collar.
"No, I'm not wearing this! It's too frumpy!"
"Urgh! Give me strength!" I huffed as I sank further into the chair.
"How about this one?"
It was a simple black chiffon dress. It was neither spectacular nor offensive. It was just a dress. They were all just dresses.
"Awesome!"
"No! Why didn't you tell me these heels were too promiscuous?!"
"Because I didn't think they were! Just don't wear heals then! Problem solved!"
"Problem not solved! I have to wear heals otherwise I'll look too short standing next to you!"
"Seriously Maura?! Would you rather look like a hooker or a dwarf?"
"Warning." She stated sternly, pointing her finger at me. "That is a warning."
"Maybe Korsak should start calling you Grumpy instead of Doc." I muttered under my breath.
She threw some serious shade as she left the room.
"This one?"
"Ew no!" I exclaimed as I scrunched up my face to emphasise my disgust.
"What about this one?"
"Trick question, isn't it?! It's the same dress! You think you're so clever but you can't fool me, Maur!"
"It's not the same dress, Jane! This is the Giambattista Valli jacquard stretch-knit dress!"
"Of course it is! How could I be so stupid?! Thank you for pointing that out to me! "
"This is painful!" She exhaled.
"You're telling me!" I retorted as I crossed my arms in frustration.
"I don't think this one is too bad."
"It looks great, Maur."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Great. Good... How about the butterfly one?"
"The butterfly one?" I tried to sound enthusiastic but all I could muster was a strained whimper.
"Yes!"
"Yeah... The first one you tried on?" I said through gritted teeth, trying to hold back my annoyance. "The one that was boring and made you look fat, but wasn't actually boring and didn't make you look fat, that one?"
"Yes. Which do you prefer?"
"I don't know, Maura. I'm actually starting to go bat-crap crazy over here!"
"Okay, I like the butterfly one."
"Okay."
"Oh my god!" I muttered under my breath.
"Okay, okay. Let's go with this one then!"
"You look stunning. Absolutely breath-taking and really skinny. But not too skinny! Just skinny enough. You look amazing."
"Really?"
"Yes."
'Please don't change your mind again. Please don't change your mind again.' I mentally chanted.
"Okay, thanks." She let out a sigh of relief.
Thank god.
"So what are you going to wear?"
"I can't believe I let you talk me into wearing a dress!"
"You look stunning, Jane. So poised and elegant."
"Yeah, well, I'm not sure you'll be saying that after you've seen me fix my wedgie for the gazillionth time! Seriously, this sucks!" I complained as I wrestled with my disobedient (and apparently disappearing!) underwear.
"Oh god. Can't you do this in the bathroom?" Maura groaned as she rolled her eyes.
"What? No. It'll just take a second."
Maura frowned, clearly unimpressed, but she moved to cover me anyway.
"There, all good! I told you it would only take a second."
"It took you 10.5 seconds. That's 9.5 seconds over your estimation, Jane."
"Alright Clock King!"
"King?! I thought you would have realised by now that I am a woman, Jane."
"Of course I know you're a woman, Maura! Clock King is a comic book character. He has a rigid sense of order and timing and punctuality. It was a joke. You know, another one of my witty remarks. It's a lot less funny when I have to explain it to you!" I huffed.
"Well, I'm sorry that my lack of knowledge of comic book characters disappoints you, Jane." Maura stated, as if she was genuinely hurt by my offhand comment.
Thank god I didn't tell her Clock King was a supervillain. Maura looked down at the ground. A tell-tale sign that she was trying not to cry.
"Holy crap! You're not gonna cry on me again, are you?"
"No, I'm trying not to. It's just that my amygdala and my lacrimal gland have a connection that I can't really control."
I reached out to grasp Maura's hands. I thought she might make eye contact with me, but her gaze remained firmly fixed on the floor.
"Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you disappoint me. You don't. You definitely don't."
"Really?" She asked incredulously, and when she finally looked up at me, I could see her eyes twinkling with tears.
"Really. I was just being snappy."
I should have known better, really. I know how sensitive Maura is. I grew up with two brothers, I work in a male-dominated profession, and I'm not all that sensitive. Sometimes I forget that I need to watch my words when I'm around Maura. I don't ever want to upset her, even if it is by accident.
"Come on, let's go and find Balkan Baroque. I'd love to go say hello to him!" I joked, mocking myself for thinking that Balkan Baroque was an artist.
Maura chuckled heartily as she linked arms with me.
"I can't believe you said that! Balkan for a first name? I mean, who in their right mind would name a child Balkan?!"
"I don't know… Someone who loves the Balkans! And it's not that bad. Balkan Rizzoli. I kind of like it."
"Please tell me you're not thinking of changing your name to Balkan Rizzoli?!"
"No. Don't be ridiculous!" I snorted. "I'm saving that one for the next one." I added seriously.
"The next one what?"
"Kid."
"We are not naming our child Balkan. I mean, we aren't even planning on having a child but if we were, there is no way I would allow you to call him or her Balkan!"
"Why not? It's unique, sounds badass and could work for a boy or a girl!"
"Because… Because… Because it's child abuse!"
"Come on, Maur. It would really keep people guessing… Were you named after the peninsula? Nope, just some sculpture my mom thought was a person! Plus, it's not like it rhymes with anything bad… What does it rhyme with? Ooh Falcon! Another great name! If we have twins, they can be Falcon and Balkan!"
"You're messing with me again, aren't you?"
"Of course I am, you nutball! I really had you there, didn't I?!" I taunted smugly.
Before Maura could answer, the couple standing beside us moved to go and view another sculpture. Their departure left us a meter or so away from Medusa. The gorgon. The one and only Constance Isles. Maura glared at her. She gave her one of her best death stares, something I hadn't seen very often. Constance looked confused. Not because she didn't understand why Maura was mad. That definitely wasn't it, it was something else.
"Maura, Jane. I didn't expect to see you here." She greeted formally.
"Why wouldn't we be here? We've been looking forward to this exhibition for weeks. It would have been foolish to allow your discontentment of our relationship to prevent us from attending." Maura retorted bitterly.
"I concur." Constance smiled softly before returning her gaze to one of the sculptures.
"Talk to her!" I whispered gruffly in Maura's ear.
"What?! No!" Maura gasped, causing Constance to whip round and face us.
We stood in silence for a while. Maura too stubborn to talk. Constance too embarrassed to talk. And as for me, well, I just didn't really have much to say.
"Well, I'm just gonna go to the bar." I informed as I started to back away slowly.
"Not on my account, I hope." Constance replied.
Unsure of how to respond, I sought help from two of my closest allies, my wit and dry sense of humour.
"Nope, I always buy my own drinks." I remarked.
"Jane, wait! There's something I want to say and I think both of you should hear it. I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour yesterday. Though my concern was not unwarranted, I should have acted better. I should have been supportive. I want so much for you, Maura. And if you believe that Jane makes you happy, then I have to trust that and I will be happy for you. You are my daughter. My brilliant, beautiful, and benevolent daughter. I just didn't want you to get hurt again. I wanted to shelter you and protect you from further heartache."
The sincerity in her tone echoed throughout the gallery and it was clear that Constance Isles did in fact mean every word.
"I appreciate your concern but I am a grown woman and I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions, especially when it comes to matters of the heart." Maura replied honestly.
"I know that, Maura. You have been mature and capable since you were a toddler. You always knew what you wanted, and you made sure you got it, no matter what. You never needed me to help you. I know that you strive for excellence and if you see something in Jane, then it must be there. I'm not good at this, Maura. There is a fine line between not caring enough and caring too much, and I have been dancing between the two sectors your whole life. There's no formula for it. There's no rational process. It's just trial and error. I'm trying, Maura, but I'm still learning. I really am truly sorry that I overstepped my bounds, and I am very sorry that it caused you so much pain. And to you, Jane, I wish to extend my sincerest apologies. Having had some time to reflect and process, I have realised that I was in no position to judge you or to comment on your character, and I certainly should not have said the things that I said. You were there for my daughter when I wasn't, and not too long ago, you were the one to show me the error of my ways. You gave me the benefit of the doubt, and I should have extended the same courtesy to you."
Suddenly, I had the overwhelming urge to say something. I wasn't quite sure what it was, but I could feel it bubbling up inside me.
"Constance? I want you to know that I get it. I get why you reacted the way that you did. I'm not gonna lie, your words hurt. But I think they hurt so much because you were right. You didn't say anything that I hadn't already thought myself."
"Jane, you don't have to say anything –"
"Actually, Constance, I do. Not just for you, but for me too. I need you to know something - I love your daughter. I love Maura more than life itself. I know I hurt her before and I will never forgive myself for that, but I swear I will never hurt her again. I know that we will be together for a really long time because I plan to spend the rest of my life making it up to her."
"I believe you, Jane." She smiled earnestly.
"Good. Now listen, I can't speak for Maura, but I personally don't care about what was said. Not anymore. It's in the past, I've made peace with it, and I want to move forward. All I care about now is where we go from here." I stated firmly.
"Me too."
"Me three."
"Great. So we all want to forgive and forget? Bury the hatchet?" I queried optimistically.
"Yes, I do." Constance stated definitively.
"Me too." I agreed.
I glanced over at Maura. She remained silent and had an unreadable expression plastered across her face.
"What about you, Maur?" I probed and Constance looked at her daughter expectantly.
"Studies indicate that holding a grudge for long periods of time can lead to a plethora of health problems, including hypertension. Not only that, but ruminating about grudges is both stressful and unpleasant."
"Okay, talking google. Is that a yes?"
"Yes."
"Fantastic. I'm gonna go grab a beer. Can I get either of you anything?"
"No, please, Jane. Let me. I'll put it on my account!" Constance joked.
"Constance, you don't have to do that."
"I know I don't have to, but I want to. You're family now. Maura, what would you like?"
"Some wine would be nice, thank you mother."
"Red or white?"
"Surprise me." She sighed politely.
"Okay then, I'll be back shortly."
"See, I told you everything would be fine. Doesn't it feel good to build bridges?" I smiled as I turned towards Maura.
"It does. It really does. I mean, it will take some time for the relationship between my mother and me to get back on track, however, now we are moving in the right direction and that's all because of you. Thank you, Jane."
"It was nothing." I replied nonchalantly.
"It was everything. What you just did for me – what you just did for us – was remarkable. You're remarkable, Jane Rizzoli." Maura stressed before placing a tender, loving kiss upon my lips.
Constance returned moments later carrying a tray with our drinks on it. First she handed Maura her wine, which Maura graciously accepted. Then she handed me my beer; I was about to bring the bottle to my lips when Constance grabbed my attention.
"I would like to propose a toast. To new beginnings, love and commitment."
"I'll drink to that!" I exclaimed.
"As will I." Maura smiled at both me and Constance.
That was definitely a step in the right direction.
The sound of glasses clinking against each other echoed in my ears and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
"I think you two make a beautiful couple and I wish you every happiness."
"Thank you mother. That means a lot." Maura smiled again.
Yes, things were definitely looking up.
A.N. Okay, so that chapter was pretty long but I didn't want to split it up and leave you hanging! I have been working on a few ideas for a while now, however, I haven't had a chance to use them yet because they didn't fit in the story so far. I have therefore decided to continue this story as a series of one-shots. It will still involve the same characters and the follow developments in Jane and Maura's relationship. I just wanted to write some nice, fluffy chapters and this seemed like the best way to do so! I'll even drop a few hints as to what's in store for J&M as I am super excited! The next chapter will be called 'Snowfall' and the one after that will be called 'A Thousand Chrysanthemums.' Make of that what you will! Please give me prompts/ideas for future one-shots - I mean, I have a number of my own but I just wanted to give you all the chance to have your say.
P.S. I'm sorry for any mistakes in this chapter (there are probably quite a few!)... I have been staring at it for days and it's making my eyes go a little crazy!
P.P.S. Some of you may like to know that I am writing another Rizzles fic at the moment. It is my take on how 2X13, Seventeen Ain't So Sweet, should have gone! Watch this space!
