[May]
Sometimes, Tami still mourned the baby that was not to be, but today was Julie's fifth birthday, and she could only delight in the baby that was.
Although…Julie wasn't a baby anymore. She'd be going to kindergarten in less than four months. Tami would be putting her on a school bus and waving goodbye.
Her heart half broke at the thought.
[*]
"I think I should go back to school for my Master's in Psychology when Julie starts kindergarten," Tami told Eric over dinner the next night. Julie had already been excused to go play.
Eric set down his beer. "How will you squeeze that in? Isn't kindergarten only three and a half hours?"
"No. They changed it this year, hon. It's all-day kindergarten at half the schools. Julie's zoned for one of the all-day ones."
"All day?" he asked. "For five-year-olds? What are they going to do?"
"Learn," she said.
"And play I hope." The only thing Eric remembered about kindergarten was finger painting, singing songs, and playing football. Maybe a little tether ball, too.
"So…what do you think? I can schedule all my classes for when Julie is in school and for Saturday afternoons. You'll be home most Saturdays, right?"
"Where would you go?"
"Macedonia Christian University has a good program."
He took his napkin out of his lap and set it on the table. "How much is this going to cost?"
She looked down at her plate when she told him.
"We can't afford that!" he said.
"We could take out loans," she suggested.
He sighed. "You know I don't like to go into debt. You know how I feel about that."
"We took out a few loans for college," she reminded him.
"And we're still paying them off. What do you need a graduate degree for anyway?"
"Fine. Never mind." She stood up and picked up her plate. "Forget I mentioned it. Forget I want to improve myself and maybe do something to pursue my career goals for a change."
The plate cracked when she threw it into the sink. She cursed.
Eric was standing behind her now. "I'll clean up," he said. "Why don't you go check on Julie?"
Later that night, when he climbed into bed and sat up next to her, he crossed his arms over his chest. She pretended to still be engrossed in her book.
"I could take on some extra private coaching," he said. "There's this kid, Lucas Mize…he's a JV quarterback in Dillon. His dad approached me about coaching him privately. I wrote it off at the time because it would be a twenty-two mile commute, and these kids whose parents' hire private coaches, you know…they tend to be a pain in the ass. But I could call him back up. I could accept. I'd make a little extra money. Still…it wouldn't be nearly enough for tuition."
"I said forget about it."
"We could…." he sighed. "We could ask my dad to make up the rest. You know he's always trying to give us money."
"And we're always refusing." Except for the wedding money and that "baby shower" check, Tami and Eric had turned down every financial offer.
"I could humble myself this one time," Eric said. "So could you. He doesn't know what to do with that outrageous salary he's making. Education has always been important to him, and he considers you to be his daughter."
She laughed. "Does he?"
"He's not the most expressive man in the world, but he does like you. And if we asked, I think he'd be happy to pay a good chunk of your tuition."
"I don't know, hon. What kind of strings would he attach to it, do you think? Why can't we just take out loans?"
Eric rubbed his forehead. "You know how I feel about debt."
"It's not like we have debtor's prison anymore, Eric."
"We already have a sizable mortgage, Tami. I've still got some college loans left. I wouldn't sleep at night."
She shook her head.
"Sorry I'm so damn responsible. I want you to be happy, Tami. Believe me. I do."
He said it so sincerely that she couldn't help but smile. "I am happy." She kissed him. "Very happy." She kissed his ear. "Are you happy?"
"Mhmmmm… You know what would make me even happier?"
She straddled him where he sat, nibbled his neck, and pressed against his lap. "I have a guess."
[*]
Eric called his father the next day. He didn't ask for money. He just casually mentioned that Tami wanted to go back to get her master's, but that they'd decided not to do it because of the expense.
Two days later, a Priority Mail envelop arrived addressed to Tami. The return address was El Paso University. As Eric and Tami sat at the kitchen bar enjoying their evening wine, and Julie lay on the living room couch enjoying her evening television show, Tami opened it. Before removing the contents, she took another sip of wine to steel her nerves.
She and Eric had never resumed using birth control. Tami didn't want to be downing one or two glasses a wine a day when she might get pregnant. So these days she only drank when she was on her period, as now. Those few days a month, though, they would split a bottle of wine every night, and she'd always claim the third glass.
She pulled out the letter and unfolded it. She flipped over the check that had been inserted between the folds. Eric glanced at it. "That's enough for half the program, isn't it?"
"At least." She began reading the letter aloud to Eric: "Dear Tami, I've never understood how this psychology mumbo jumbo operates, but I know it helped my marriage." Tami looked at Eric. "They had marriage counseling?"
"Not that I know of. I guess they did."
"I guess it worked. They're still married." Tami continued reading, "There's no reason you shouldn't pursue educational excellence just because my son is frugal."
"Who taught me to be frugal does he think?" Eric complained. "You know he used to water down the orange juice when I was in first grade? He still had half his AFL salary in the bank, and he was watering down the orange juice."
"Your mom told me they were living off the savings when you were in first grade. She'd already quit her job, and your dad was just interning then, trying to get some big management job. He had a tiny stipend. They had almost no income that year."
"Still, even when he was making a management salary," Eric complained, "he used to buy all my toys at garage sales. Even my bike. And the chain kept falling off. He said it would build character and athleticism if I could keep up with the other boys even after stopping to snap back on my own chain."
Tami laughed. She continued reading the letter: "It's my policy never to make personal loans, so please consider this a gift. And be sure to take a Sports Psychology class." She folded the letter back up. "Is that the only string, do you think?"
"If so, it's not a bad one. Wouldn't hurt me to read your textbook." He scratched his head. "What if….uh…." He almost never spoke about this. "What if you do get pregnant again? What about school then?"
"I'm going to finish. I might spread out my last year over two years if we have a baby by then, but I'm going to finish."
[June]
That summer, Eric drove to Dillon from Macedonia three days a week to coach Lucas Mize so he would be able to pay the other half of Tami's tuition. Before heading back to Macedonia one evening, he told Mr. Mize, "Just to let you know upfront, I have to take two days off of the coaching the third week of July because I'll be traveling to Houston for my cousin's wedding."
"If my son's going to be able to lead the Panthers to State by his senior year of high school," Mr. Mize said, "we can't lose a single session."
It had been a hard session, with Lucas insisting that the drills Eric was putting him through were unnecessary because he already knew it all. Eric explained to the rising sophomore about muscle memory, and Lucas gave him more lip, so he'd made the boy do up-downs before they went back to the drills. He was already irritated before Mr. Mize's words aggravated him even more. "Then fire me and get somebody else," Eric said bluntly. "I'm damn well not going to skip my cousin's wedding. I'm his best man."
He almost wished Mr. Mize would fire him. Lucas was a good quarterback, but he had too deep a sense of entitlement. He was too sure of himself and of his future. What was this kid going to do if he ever fell out of a tree and broke his leg?
Eric was passionate about football, but this kid had nothing else. At least Eric had to credit his father with this much – the man had been indiscriminately strict about his performance not just in football, but also in school. Lucas, on the other hand, was skating by in his classes. If football proved a bust, people weren't going to be handing him jobs on silver platters, the way they handed him grades. When Eric's dreams had been ground to dust, he'd at least had his academic self-discipline to fall back on – that and Tami, who had given him purpose and direction.
"Fine," Mr. Mize told him, "but you better put in an extra couple of hours the next week."
[July]
Eric paced the ten steps from the closed master bathroom door to the bed and then back. He did it three more times before calling through the door, "Aren't you done yet?"
"I'm going to take another one," Tami answered through the door.
"Why? What was the first one?"
"I'm going to take another one," she repeated.
Eric resumed his pacing, but the bathroom door opened when he was halfway to the bed. He whirled around. "You didn't take a second one?"
"My period just started. Just now. Guess I was just late." She looked down at the carpet and swallowed. "We're out of wine."
"I'll go get a bottle."
"Get two."
He slammed the front door on his way out and then slammed the door to his pick-up when he got in. He wasn't much kinder to the door of the nearby convenience mart. The mart had some table wine, but they were out of the kind Tami liked, so he would have to go to the grocery store - which gave him a chance to slam the door of his truck a couple more times.
