Author's Notes: I do not own Once Upon A Time which is a show on ABC where they give us one scene of Rumbelle, but it's okay because it's better than Rumbelle has ever done. Anyway, thank you for the reads and reviews. I really appreciate them. This is sort of more of an episode rewrite than I'm used to spoilers for Snow Drifts, I guess, so please let me know what you think and happy reading!
Manhattan 2002
It was the third day of Kindergarten and Beatrice was trying to settle in. For the first two days, her mommy had hung around as long as she could. On the third day, Beatrice realized that the first time she had turned her back was when Belle had left the first two days and resolved not to turn her back. She had made a mistake, though, and Belle had darted out when she went to get her orange slices from the snack table.
Kindergarten was different from preschool. There were tables and you had to sit at them and even when they did let you play you had to take turns and then you had to be done.
There was her table. She sat with three other children: a boy called Yang, a little girl with freckles called Riley and finally, Taylor Billingsley.
In a short three days, Taylor had already taken control of the Kindergarten. At recess all the other little girls, save Beatrice, flitted about after her and everyone wanted to know what Taylor did during their free time.
Taylor already realized that Beatrice was not under her control and she couldn't stand it.
They were sent back to their tables again and the teacher, a nice Indian lady called Miss Reddy, told them that they were each to draw a picture of their family and then they would share them with the class so they could all learn about each other. She even showed them a picture she drew of her family. She still lived with her two little brothers, her parents and her grandmother.
Beatrice was nervous. She just had herself and her mom to draw. A quick glance around the table revealed her classmates had bigger families. Riley seemed to have two moms and a brother, Yang had a mommy, daddy and four siblings and Taylor...
Taylor's drawing was about to go off the page.
"Oh, Taylor," said Miss Reddy, "this is very nice, but this is a lot of people."
"Yes," said Taylor. She pointed at the paper. "This is Daddy, Mommy, my brother, my sister, Shane, Mommy's trainer, the maid, the cook, the nanny, the butler-"
"Oh, alright then," said Miss Reddy. She perused the rest of the table. "Beatrice, very nice."
"Thank you," she said quietly.
Miss Reddy walked away. Taylor looked over at Beatrice's paper.
"You haven't even drawn anything," said Taylor. "Where's your family?"
Beatrice looked down.
"That is my family."
Taylor sneered. "That's it? Where's your daddy?"
"I don't have one."
"What?," asked Taylor.
"Does he live somewhere else?," asked Yang.
"No..."
"Did he die?," asked Riley. "Sometimes daddies die."
"No..." said Beatrice. She stared her crayons on the table. "I just don't have one."
"Everyone has one," said Riley. "Mine's a donor."
"What's that?," asked Yang.
"I don't know."
"Everyone has one except Beatrice," said Taylor. "Beatrice doesn't have a daddy."
Beatrice felt tears stinging at her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn't cry.
The first tear fell and Taylor took to it like a shark to blood in water.
"Beatrice doesn't have a daddy," said Taylor. "And I know why."
Beatrice looked up, genuinely curious that Taylor might actually know.
"He doesn't love her."
"What?," asked Beatrice.
"He doesn't love you. If your daddy loved you, you would know him."
Beatrice looked to Yang and Riley. They weren't saying anything but they seemed to believe that was plausible.
"Sometimes it's because they don't love the mommies," added Riley.
No, that wasn't right, Beatrice thought. Her mommy was perfect, like a princess. No one could ever not love her mommy.
It had to be true, then.
She didn't have a daddy because he didn't love her. When had he decided? Was it while she was still in Mommy's tummy or after she came out? Had he seen her and decided he didn't love her?
He didn't love her.
Now
"Good morning, baby."
Beatrice looked up as she finished descending the stairs. "Venus? Am I dead again?"
"You were never dead, you just weren't alive," said the goddess, giving her a squeeze. She looked askance at Beatrice's pajamas and t-shirt. "Wow. You got a man and really let yourself go."
"I'm having breakfast," said Beatrice, walking into the kitchen.
As she did, Neal's laughter cut through the air.
"Hey, Bea," said Neal.
"Hey," she said stiffly.
He was on her stool. Gold was giving him a plate of pancakes.
Chocolate chip.
"Have a seat, sweetheart," said Gold, finally seeming to notice that she was in the room.
Beatrice's eyes went to the stool again.
Her stool. He might have been older, but it had been her stool longer.
"You spent the night here?," she asked tightly.
Neal nodded, seemingly unaware of any tension. "My apartment had some Flying Monkey damage. It's gonna take some time for the repairs. Leroy's on it."
"Sweetheart, have a seat," said Gold. "Did you want pancakes?"
"Yes..."
Beatrice sat down on the other side of Venus, now two seats from her stool, feeling like she was in a foreign country. Martha padded around for handouts. Beatrice remained quiet as Neal and Venus spoke and she waited on her breakfast.
Which arrived without chocolate chips.
Beatrice looked up.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?"
"I'm sorry, I thought Neal had chocolate chips."
"Oh, well, I'm afraid that was the last of them."
Beatrice glanced over just as Neal finished his last bite of chocolate chip pancakes. Then his phone rang and he went in the other room.
Belle entered and smiled at Beatrice. "Your dress is in the hall closet. It was just cleaned."
Beatrice nodded and turned back to Venus as she ate some grapes out of the bowl on the counter, casting a sideways glance at her plain pancakes. "So, is that what you're here for? The coronation thing that's not really a coronation because I already went over this with Wikipedia?"
Venus scoffed. "As if I care about Snow White's baby. No, your mom asked me to come."
Beatrice shrugged.
"We wanted to speak to you first, but your great-grandmother was too quick for us," said Gold.
"Speak about what?," asked Beatrice.
Belle cast a look at Venus.
The goddess stood. "I am just going to go check my luggage."
Venus got up and left. Beatrice looked to her parents.
"Why is she here?"
"Well," said Belle, a smile playing at her lips, "your papa and I have been talking. We want to get married."
Beatrice paused.
"Like a vow renewal?"
"Uh, no," said Belle. "We were never quite married in the Enchanted Forest."
"Oh," said Beatrice.
"Not an overwhelming enthusiasm..." said Gold.
"I just..." Beatrice shook her head. "I just thought you were. I mean, you never said you weren't and you just started calling yourself Mrs. Gold."
"Well, French was the name that the curse gave me," explained. "My father- that is, Maurice- is the only one with that name and this was easier."
"Yeah, it's just French was my last name," said Beatrice.
Belle looked perplexed. "Did you want to be Beatrice French?"
"Well, I kind of thought I was. You didn't mention any of this."
"When we first arrived in Storybrooke, there was a lot going on," said Belle. She glanced over at Gold. "We didn't want to overwhelm you."
"Right, like when you didn't tell me I had a brother or Peter Pan was my grandfather..."
"Sweetheart," said Gold, "I am sorry we weren't more clear-"
"Really? That's a new one."
"The point is that we're a family now. Your brother is back with us. The witch is defeated. We just want to do this properly."
"Right," said Beatrice. She nodded. "Okay."
"Okay?," asked Belle.
"Yeah, okay."
"Because we don't have to do anything if you're not comfortable with it," Belle quickly added.
"No, I'm fine," said Beatrice.
"So, yeah, that's basically it," said Beatrice, sipping her coffee.
She and Joseph sat on the bench by the pond.
"You might have said something," he replied.
"What? I'm fine."
Joseph frowned at her. "Then why did we leave the party?"
"I am not the sort of person that being the illegitimate child of Beauty and the Beast bothers me. Okay?"
"Yes, you are."
"No, I mean, they can do what they want. I mean, they could have another kid and I-"
Joseph shot her a look.
"I would be fine with that," Beatrice said haltingly.
He continued sipping his tea in silent wait.
"I am seventeen, I would be pretty pathetic if I was jealous of some younger sibling who would probably be you know, just as magical as me and you know, probably cuter and more cuddly and they could have that ready to go by the time I go to college so that would keep them busy."
"Oh, you're obviously well-adjusted about this."
Emma suddenly arrived and plopped down next to them on the bench.
"So is he in our club now?," asked Emma.
"What club?," asked Joseph.
"The my parents are fairy tale characters club," said Beatrice. "Established 2012. Although, to be fair, your club should be more like 'I'm the Main Character In A Series of Victorian Crime Novels.'"
"Same difference," said Emma. She sighed. "Can we just sit here? It was getting too... weird in there."
"Swan!," shouted Hook.
"It's about to get weird out here," said Beatrice. She looked up. "Did you and Neal race to get here or-"
Emma rolled her eyes.
"He went left. I went right," said Hook.
"Seriously?," asked Emma.
"You guys should really include all the other people in town with a crush on Emma. Jefferson. Walsh isn't a monkey anymore. Merlin's made August not wood... I'm sure we could round up some more," said Beatrice.
"Not helpful," said Emma.
"Swan, why did you leave?," asked Hook.
"Because of that!," said Emma, taking Henry's storybook from Hook.
"What? Did you fight Neal for that?," asked Beatrice.
Hook glared. "It's your family, Swan."
"I don't see my family! I just see a bunch of fairy tales and I'm not a part of it!"
"To be fair, you burned the pages you were in," said Beatrice. "Now, who's really not a part of it? Me."
"Beatrice, I'm trying to have a crisis here."
"I'm having the same one, that's why we have a club." She looked at Joseph. "You're not in this part. You have books and two TV shows and movies and stuff. You're fine."
"Okay, but that's just the Savior thing," said Emma.
"Yes, but at least you're in the book! Do you know what I have, Emma? A movie on the Disney Channel and I'm a boy! A boy!"
"Might I point out something?," asked Joseph.
Hook sighed. "Maybe you can talk some sense into them."
"No, I only meant that Zelena's time portal appears to have reopened."
Beatrice, Emma and Hook followed Joseph's motion towards the pillar of fire that sprang forth into the sky.
"It looks like the 456," said Beatrice.
"Come on. We have to go check it out," said Emma.
They got up off the bench and began making their way towards the barn.
"If there is no TARDIS this time, I am going to be so ticked off," said Beatrice. "Which is incidentally what should have happened in Children of Earth. Maybe Ianto would be alive."
"Come on, Beatrice!," Emma called back with a note of irritation.
They had just arrived at the barn when Emma got a voice mail.
"It's David. He says Zelena killed herself, they think the magic in her pendant started this thing on its own," said Emma, still listening to the phone.
"She killed herself?," asked Beatrice. "How did she kill herself?"
"He doesn't say," said Emma.
"Either way, ladies, we shouldn't be near it," said Hook. "It would be better if we didn't mess about with time travel."
"Really?," Beatrice asked. "I had no idea that you shouldn't screw around with time travel! Thank God Captain Hook is here to tell me!"
"He has a point," said Joseph.
"Someone needs to stop it," said Emma.
"Do you have your powers back?," asked Hook.
"No, but she does," said Emma, motioning at Beatrice.
"Oh, really and what are you going to do?," asked Joseph.
Beatrice paused.
"I just assumed I would stare at it and move my hands around a while and something would happen," said Beatrice.
"Yeah, let's not," said Joseph.
The door to the barn blew open and Emma was dragged towards the vortex. Hook held onto her. Beatrice and Joseph tried to scramble to help but they were having trouble avoiding falling in the golden vortex themselves.
"Hook!"
"Swan!"
They both fell in.
Beatrice rolled her eyes and looked at Joseph.
She basically had one choice.
"Staying here or-" she began.
"I would guess I'm going," said Joseph.
"Well," said Beatrice, jumping slightly into the vortex, "Geronimo!"
Joseph jumped after her.
A Long Time Ago...
They landed on forest floor not far from where Hook and Emma laid in heaps on the ground.
"You guys alright?," asked Emma.
"Fine," said Hook.
"Fine," said Joseph.
"Beatrice?," asked Emma.
"You know what kills me is that I make these epic Doctor Who references and nobody gets them and there is no way to put them on tumblr."
Emma stood up. "So, you're fine."
"Basically."
"We appear to have landed in the Enchanted Forest," said Hook.
"Oh, is that what it is?," asked Joseph. "However did you conclude that?"
"Guys, seriously?," asked Emma. She sighed. "Besides, it's what I was thinking about as I went in."
"So it must work like other portals," said Beatrice.
"And it also seems to share that the door doesn't stay open for a return trip," said Hook.
Joseph gasped. "Really? However did you guess that?"
Emma looked to Beatrice. "How did you get back last time?"
"The Black Fairy's wand," said Beatrice. "It can recast any spell."
"Great. Where do we get it?"
"Yeah, slight problem."
"What?," asked Emma.
Beatrice turned to Emma. "Well, most of the reason I jumped in after you was to make sure you didn't change the past."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," said Hook.
"Don't mention it," said Joseph.
"Yeah, but if I were to meet the person who has it, it would probably change the past. Or the future."
"Your father," said Joseph.
"That's the one," said Beatrice.
"Yeah, but the Dark Castle has blood magic," said Emma.
"Oh, so you want me to commit a heist," said Beatrice.
"It's your dad. It's practically not stealing at all," said Emma.
"And then my mom will be the only member of my family who hasn't stolen anything," said Beatrice.
"You burned my car!"
"Yeah, but I didn't steal it."
They heard horses galloping and a black carriage sped through the road.
"Hide! It's the Queen's Carriage!," warned Hook.
They hurried to the ditch on the side of the road and followed to where the carriage stopped. They looked and saw Regina stalking out of the carriage.
"It's Regina," said Emma.
"Not Regina. The Evil Queen," said Hook.
"She's even worse without the sensible pantsuits..."
Beatrice was distracted by something else.
"Is that Baby August?," asked Beatrice staring at the puppet boy. "It's like the Uncanny Valley run amok..."
"That is not the Uncanny Valley," said Joseph.
"It's like the Uncanny Valley of cuteness. It's trying so hard to be cute that I am freaking out."
"Stop looking," said Hook.
"How are people not having anxiety attacks?"
"We got by," said Joseph.
"You remember him?," asked Emma. "Weren't you like three?"
"He's a wooden puppet that's come to life. It made an impression."
The Evil Queen spoke. "If I find out, anyone in this village has helped the bandit Snow White, they will suffer dearly. Here's what helping Snow White looks like."
Regina gestured at her Black Knight and he removed a sack from a woman's head.
"Help me! She's gonna kill me!"
"Who wants to be next?," asked Regina.
"Please," the woman pled.
Emma started to move and Hook grabbed her wrist.
"What are you doing?," asked Hook.
"I'm helping that woman. She's just an innocent."
"Um, time travel rules?," said Beatrice. "I thought we went over this. You can't do anything."
"So I'm just supposed to let her rot or die?"
Beatrice sat back on her heels. "Let me tell you a story about a girl called Rose Tyler-"
Emma shook her head. "Enough with the TV-"
"Excuse me, we are in fact travelling through time and there's no handbook for that so I think a TV show that's been on fifty years and is all about time travel is as good a frame of reference as anything we could come up with."
"She makes a fair point," said Joseph.
Emma turned to Hook for support.
"Well, let's hear her out," said Hook.
"Thank you," said Beatrice. "Rose Tyler's father got hit by a car when she was a baby and the Doctor- Nine - took her back to the moment he died so that she could be with him. Only Rose got the bright idea to push him out of the way of the car and humanity was doomed and because the Time Lords weren't around to fix things, weird dragon-y things started flying from the sky and people disappeared and the TARDIS didn't work until Rose's dad got run over by that car like he was supposed to."
"Weird dragon-y thing are not going to fly from the sky," said Emma.
"You have no way of knowing that for sure," said Beatrice.
Emma sighed. "Fine. I get it."
"We need to find Rumplestiltskin," said Emma.
"Yes, we have to do something else first," said Hook.
Emma came out from behind the brush clad in the peasant clothes she had found.
"Oh, well, that's much better," said Hook.
Emma looked at Beatrice and her choice of a blue patterned dress and cape.
"Where did you get that?"
"I conjured it from my memory of my Far North Kingdom wardrobe."
"So you're just a princess wandering the woods?," Hook asked.
"Have you met my dad?"
Joseph wandered back still in his black suit.
"You were supposed to find a disguise," said Hook.
"I can't do it. These peasants are all too short and their taste is appalling. Not to mention the lice."
"Come on, Joseph," said Emma. "We're all suffering. At least you don't have to wear a corset. Right, Beatrice?"
Beatrice snorted. "Yeah, you think I conjured a corset under here?"
"Anyway..." said Hook.
Beatrice looked at Joseph. "Would you like some help?"
"Very much so."
Beatrice closed her eyes and waved her hand.
Emma burst out laughing.
"What?," asked Joseph.
Joseph was wearing a brown tweed cape coat with a coordinating suit complete with frock coat and vest. He reached to the top of his head and pulled off the deerstalker.
"It's a hat for the country, you're in the country," said Beatrice.
"Why has your hat got two fronts?," asked Hook.
Beatrice smirked and exchanged glances with Emma as she stood.
"Why has your shirt got three buckles and still your chest isn't covered?," asked Joseph.
"Guys, as much fun as it would be to do this all day, we've got to find Rumple," said Emma.
"Yeah, save the Fashion Police for when we're back in Storybrooke," Beatrice added.
"So am I to walk around the Enchanted Forest in some sort of Sherlock Holmes fancy dress costume?," asked Joseph.
"If we see a Ye Olde Navy we can stop," said Beatrice.
"What's that from?," asked Emma.
"Shrek Two."
"Beatrice..." said Joseph.
She turned back. "I'll switch the deerstalker for a fez if you want."
They found a road and began walking. After a while they again heard the sound of quickly approaching horses' hooves.
"It could be the Queen again," said Hook.
They jumped to the side of the road. A white carriage passed by. It stopped in front of a fallen tree and Prince Charming stepped out.
"Is that-" Emma asked.
"Can't recognize your own father?," hissed Joseph.
Emma smiled and looked up. Beatrice followed her gaze to what appeared to be Snow White hiding in a tree.
Then Emma broke a branch.
"This tree didn't fall, it was cut," said Charming. "It's an ambush."
"Oh, look who can deduce in his natural habitat..." Joseph whispered.
Beatrice glared at Emma with wide eyes and looked back up at the tree. Snow White watched the knights as they tried to move the log and then fled. Emma looked sheepishly back at Beatrice as her father left with the royal carriage.
Beatrice looked at Emma and shook her head.
"I-"
"Are. You. Freaking. Kidding. Me," said Beatrice.
"I'm sorry-"
"Are you freaking kidding me?!," shouted Beatrice.
"I know, I-"
"One job! You had one job!"
"What's going on?," asked Hook.
"The bandit was Snow White! This was when they were supposed to meet and she was supposed to steal from him and he was supposed to go after her and there was the thing with the trolls except now there wasn't because...!" Beatrice screamed. "You had one job!"
"I screwed up, I know," said Emma.
"If you had accepted any of my Doctor Who marathon invitations this never would have happened," said Beatrice.
"We'll fix it."
"What are we going to do? Set them up on Jdate?!"
"What about Merlin?," asked Joseph.
Beatrice snorted. "No way is he going to go for that. Hey, would you get these two together so there can be this Dark Curse and hey, guess what happens to your Dark Princess?!"
"She's right," said Emma. She turned back to Beatrice. "That leaves one sorcerer who would probably help..."
"Yeah, that's just super..." said Beatrice.
They walked mostly in silence with occasional outbursts of "Are you kidding me?!" followed by Emma profusely apologizing. After a time, they found the Dark Castle.
"Oh, look, home sweet home," said Emma, looking at Beatrice.
Beatrice looked at Joseph. "It's the Dark Castle."
"I know it." He pointed down the mountain. "My house is just down there. I could see the castle from my bedroom window."
"Ah, fate then," said Hook.
Beatrice looked at Emma. "Okay, you go in."
"Me? Why do I have to go in alone?"
"I thought that would be obvious. He might have run into Babylock in the village already, he wants Hook dead and I-"
"Well, now that you mention it!,' a high-pitched voice cackled.
Emma gasped as Rumplestiltskin proceeded to magically choke Hook. Beatrice turned away and quickly pulled off her pendant, thrusting it in Joseph's hand. She turned back towards the full-on magical assault.
"Wait! Stop!," said Emma.
Rumplestiltskin was not distracted. "I can't tell you how long I've been looking forward to this!"
"You have to listen to me!," said Emma.
"I don't know who you three are, but why don't you just run along home?," Rumplestiltskin trilled.
Beatrice and Joseph glanced at their respective homes and shrugged at each other. Emma shook her head at their shared joke, not amused at the timing.
"You have to listen to me!"
"Why's that, dearie!"
"Because if you don't, you'll never find your son!," said Emma.
"Uh..."
"And what do you know of my son?," said Rumplestiltskin.
"His name is Baelfire and you're planning to enact a Dark Curse to find him," said Emma.
"So you're a witch then..."
"I'm the one who breaks the curse," said Emma. "I'm the product of True Love."
"That's all just speculation," said Rumplestiltskin. "And if that's true that means..."
"We're from the future, mate," said Hook.
"Yes, but time travel hasn't been done, mate," said Rumplestiltskin.
"Yeah, that code's been cracked," said Emma.
Rumplestiltskin now turned towards Joseph and Beatrice. "And who might you be?"
"Uh... Donna. Donna Noble."
"Joseph," he said frowning.
"No you're not," said Rumplestiltskin. "Names are sort of my area."
"Martha Jones?"
"No."
"Amelia Pond?"
"No."
"I am Spartacus."
"I don't have all day, dearie."
"Sherlock Holmes," offered Joseph.
Beatrice sighed. "Beatrice."
"Was that so hard?"
Beatrice shrugged. "I suppose it depends on your definition of hard."
Rumplestiltskin used his magic to transport them to the front entry of the Dark Castle.
"Thank you, Mr. Go- Rumplestiltskin," said Emma. "I know time travel is hard to swallow."
"Rumple?," a voice called.
"Oh, God," said Beatrice.
"Rumple, why did you leave, we were just getting-"
Belle appeared in front of them in a robe of turquoise velvet that she tightened around her upon seeing her visitors.
"It's like two in the afternoon, why are you-" Beatrice stopped. "Oh, my God."
"Yeah," said Joseph.
Beatrice looked at Emma. "Are you freaking kidding me?"
"I said I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I can apologize-"
"Rumple, you didn't say you were bringing visitors back," said Belle. She reached into the pocket of her robe for a handkerchief. "In fact, you didn't say anything."
"I can guess what he might have said..." Hook mused.
"Shut up," said Emma.
"Excuse me. I'll be right back," said Belle.
They followed Rumplestiltskin into the Great Hall. Emma began explaining their predicament and in no time Belle returned wearing an emerald gown, still carrying the handkerchief.
"Can I get your guests something, Rumple?"
Rumplestiltskin shook his head. "They aren't staying-"
"We're fine," said Joseph.
"Are you sure?," asked Belle.
Beatrice tried to hide her face. That didn't distract Belle who seemed focused on her.
"You seem hungry," said Belle.
"She's fine," Rumplestiltskin said curtly.
She shot him a glare.
"Are you?," asked Belle.
Emma, Hook and Joseph stared at her.
"I ate some fruit but I was mostly distracted by this thing with my parents and I was at a party, but, seriously, why do we keep having pot luck at these things? Why? Nobody in town has heard of spices. So I was mostly holding out for cake, but I did have a Kind bar and four lattes."
"Four?!," exclaimed Emma. "No wonder you're so..."
"So what?," asked Beatrice.
"I can get you some cheese and bread," said Belle.
"Okay," said Beatrice.
Belle smiled and nodded as she left the room. Rumplestiltskin shook his head.
"Now, you were saying about this meeting?," he began.
"Right," Emma turned to Hook. "The book."
Hook reached into his bag and pulled out the story book. Emma opened it to the right page for Rumplestiltskin and found that the pages were blank.
"They were here," said Emma.
"You changed the past," Joseph said tersely. "It's not in the book because it never happened."
"But we have to get them together..." said Emma. "She needs to steal my grandmother's ring and then he has to go after her."
"We know," said Joseph.
"The ripple effect," said Rumplestiltskin. "Once you change something in the past, anything from that point forward is uncertain. The future as you can see is a blank page."
"Time is in flux!," Beatrice added urgently.
The others stared at her.
Beatrice sighed. "Next year, I am going to get a badge for Comic Con and I may never come back. These are awesome references, people."
"We need to get her to steal that ring," said Emma. "We can get their story back on track."
"You're in luck," said Rumplestiltskin. "There's a ball tonight at King Midas' castle. Prince James will be there along with his ring."
"So we just need to get Snow there," said Emma.
"How? We don't even know where she is," said Hook.
"We could return to the site of the foiled robbery," said Joseph. "I could trace her. An experienced tracker like her probably knows how to cover her steps. I would say a five-mile per hour radius, but it's rough terrain and cleaning up after herself would slow her down. It's been three hours, twelve miles at the most-"
Rumplestiltskin cleared his throat loudly.
"As fascinating as that is, dearie, I believe I can help."
They followed Rumplestiltskin over to a crystal ball and he waved his hand. Snow White appeared in the ball.
"She's with Blackbeard," said Hook.
"Blackbeard?," asked Joseph. "Blackbeard's an actual person. Why is he here?"
"She's trying to secure passage," said Hook. "And failing it appears."
"Here you are," said Belle, arriving with a tray.
"Oh, thanks," said Beatrice. She picked up a piece of crusty bread and some brie. "Ooh, is this the kind with the vegetable ash running through it?"
Hook looked at Emma. "She's talking about cheese."
"You talked about rum for thirty minutes on the way here," said Beatrice.
"It comes from the village," said Belle. "I can't get enough of it lately."
"It's good," said Beatrice.
"I'm Belle," she said.
"Oh, Beatrice."
"Beatrice," said Belle. "That's a lovely name."
"This is getting weird..." Emma said quietly.
Belle smiled. "I was just reading this play with a woman called Beatrice in it and I had never heard the name before so I'm just surprised to meet someone with it."
"It sounds like there's an insect at the start of it," Rumplestiltskin huffed.
"Okay..." said Beatrice.
"Never mind him," said Belle. "I think it's lovely. Do you know what it means?"
"Blessing," Joseph offered. "It can also mean a voyager."
"Oh," said Belle. "I like that."
Rumplestiltskin seemed to be growing frustrated. "Look, I'll work on your portal, but only you know what you changed so you can be the ones to fix it."
"Do you need me to wrap this up for you?," Belle asked Beatrice, motioning at the cheese and bread.
"Okay."
Belle left as Rumplestiltskin followed her.
"What is your sudden obsession with feeding people?!," he asked when he thought they were out of earshot.
"She's got to steal that ring," said Emma.
"If she wishes to secure passage, I think I know a captain that might be able to help," said Hook.
"Who?," asked Joseph.
"Me," said Hook.
It was agreed that Emma and Hook should go to the docks alone. Joseph and Beatrice went ahead to the hill overlooking Midas' castle with nothing to do but wait.
"You're oddly quiet," said Joseph.
"Oh, you know, just waiting for Emma and Hook to come out from flirting with Hook and impersonating Hook."
"Something's preying on your mind."
"How can you tell?," asked Beatrice, snacking on some of the cheese Belle had sent along.
"When you think of something unpleasant, it shows on your face. Then you try to push it away and then you always return to it. You're biting the inside of your right cheek, trying not to cry."
"I'm not going to cry."
"Oh, well, then..."
Hook and Emma appeared out of the brush.
"Hey, guys," said Emma. "Did we miss much?"
"You know, it's a castle. It's gold," said Beatrice. "I sang Goldfinger and then some other James Bond theme songs."
Emma sat down. "We made contact with Snow so all we have to do is wait for her to take the ring."
"Oh, is that all?," asked Beatrice.
Emma sighed. "I know. I screwed up. Could you maybe stop harping on it?"
"Oh, by all means then, let's not harp on it."
"Everyone makes mistakes, Beatrice."
"It must be so great to make mistakes."
Emma shook her head. "What are you talking about?"
"I mean, you're the Savior, whatever you do they just keep having to take you back..."
"What is your problem?," Emma asked harshly.
"Problem? I don't have problems. I can't have problems. I can't have problems or make mistakes because some people get to have all the problems and make all the mistakes so there are none left for the rest of us! You see because it's okay to say your sister's the anti-Christ and steal the magic beans and bail on your family and frame your girlfriend and listen to an evil fairy because you're the favorite! Everything that ever happens is in some way about you!"
Emma was taken aback. Hook began to look scared.
"Are you jealous of Neal?," Emma asked carefully.
"Jealous? No, see, I don't get to be jealous. I have to be perfect!"
"Nobody's saying that-"
"And then when True Love Baby 2.0 Platinum Edition comes along, I'll have to be even more perfect so maybe I can still live in the house!"
Emma frowned. "Are your parents having another kid?"
"The writing's on the wall, people!"
"So they're not?"
"No," said Joseph.
"Oh, he can speak," said Hook.
"Hey, maybe my grandfather will want another shot at this, too, he'll take 2.0 under his wing and then I'll lose that gig."
"As fascinating as all of this is-"
They looked up to see Rumplestiltskin standing behind them.
"Oh, right, no time for me, let's keep the plan going..." said Beatrice.
"Quite right," said Rumplestiltskin.
Beatrice rolled her eyes with a glare.
"You didn't really think I was going to leave it all to chance, did you?," asked Rumplestiltskin.
"Of course not. What would that do to the plan?," asked Beatrice.
He didn't answer and instead a piece of paper appeared in his hand. "An invitation to the ball."
"So you'll be inside to look out for her?," asked Emma.
"Not me," said Rumplestiltskin. "I'll be far too busy working out a way to get you home."
"Like it's hard..." muttered Beatrice.
Rumplestiltskin looked at her. "Didn't your father ever teach you not to interrupt, dearie?"
Hook covered his mouth to hide his smirk.
"Nope," said Beatrice.
Rumplestiltskin turned back to Hook and Emma. "I think you two should go inside."
"Alone? No," said Emma, looking frantically at Beatrice and Joseph. "We can't just leave them out here."
"Sure you can," said Beatrice.
"Yes, leave the peasants out here and have fun playing princess," said Rumplestiltskin.
"Oh, I'm the peasant?," said Beatrice. "Yeah, sure, you go ahead and think that."
He ignored her and waved his hand. Hook and Emma appeared out of a cloud of garnet smoke. Emma appeared in a huge red ballgown and Hook was in a surprisingly not leather suit.
"See? Not a peasant," said Rumplestiltskin.
"But I'm not supposed to stick out," said Emma. "What if someone remembers me in the future?"
"Because what you had before was such an intricate disguise," said Rumplestiltskin. He materialized a mirror. "I've cast a glamor spell. This is how you'll appear to everyone inside. Now run along and make sure Snow White gets that ring. Once they're back on track, everything else will be, too."
Rumplestiltskin vanished. Emma and Hook went to the ball.
"We could go in," said Joseph. "Surely you could come up with something."
"I don't care."
"Surely they're better off with our help."
"Yeah, I think they've got this."
"There's something else," said Joseph.
"Fine," said Beatrice. She motioned towards the castle. "Emma gets to come and see her fairy tale parents in action and go to the ball which is great. It really is."
"You've seen plenty of your parents."
"Seeing my parents is like watching The Unicorn and the Wasp."
Joseph didn't answer.
"Okay, explain the reference."
"It's fun, I like watching it, but sometimes I just get to thinking about how they don't know that Forest of the Dead, Midnight, Turn Left and Journey's End are about to happen and there is nothing I can do to help them."
"Well, you could do something to help them," suggested Joseph.
"No."
"You could."
"I can't. I can't take Neal from him," Beatrice added quietly. "I didn't do that in the other world, I'm not going to start doing it here. I've been lecturing about time travel all day. I would like to at least keep my authority on that."
"You don't have to-"
"Yes, I do, but the more I have to help with this part of the plan, the more I am the architect of my mother's downfall and my crappy childhood so instead of going inside, I'm going to take a nap and wake up as less of a bitch. Okay?"
Joseph shrugged. "Okay."
"Thanks," said Beatrice, laying down and resting her head on her arm. She closed her eyes. "Let me know when we can go home."
Beatrice stirred awake to see Hook and Joseph.
"So, she stole it?," asked Beatrice, sitting up. "Where's Emma? Let's go."
"There's been a complication," said Hook.
"A complication?," asked Beatrice.
"Snow White doesn't have the ring," said Joseph. "Emma does."
"And the Evil Queen has Emma," added Hook.
Beatrice glared at them both.
"Really?," she asked.
