Author's Notes: I do not own Once Upon A Time which is a show on ABC run by sadists. Anyway, thanks for the reads and reviews. I really appreciate them. Also, it's been forever since I said hi lurkers. Hi, lurkers! Sorry it's been a while everyone. Life. Grr. Anyway, please let me know what you think and happy reading!


Here

Though he generally found Ariel to be the smartest mermaid he had ever met, Joseph was beginning to think the art of deduction was not something found under the sea.

"So, process of elimination," Joseph began, "somebody who knows the woman is here."

Ariel frowned as the sheet finished printing. "How do you know that?"

"She came here for a reason and so did Lestrade."

"Then why don't we just ask Mr. Lestrade?"

"Because he doesn't think he should tell me and I know he can hold out. He's just thick enough for that."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Go around town. Visit everyone, but I really want you to ask Merlin."

Ariel frowned. "Why don't I just visit Merlin?"

"Because he'll get suspicious so see everyone, then go to Merlin, then tell me how he reacts."

"You mean if he knows her?"

"No, because if he knows her there's a high probability he's going to lie. Do I really have to explain this much?," asked Joseph.

"What are you doing?"

Joseph turned. "Regina." He glanced at Ariel. "Go on."

The former mermaid left. Regina closed the distance between her and Joseph.

"It has been days and you have done nothing to find the Author."

"What? And you've done so much? Or perhaps you were so busy with Robin Hood that you neglected to?"

Regina gritted her teeth. "Stop spying on me!"

"Make it harder."

"I would think you would be more concerned about this. After all, you're the one who's going to die."

"I don't see what I'm supposed to do."

"Tell your girlfriend to find the author and defeat him! At least then I can have a chance at a happy ending!"

"Right, let me just bring that up to her. Let me see if she can fit that in between calculus and college applications. Then again, Doctor Who is on hiatus. It might work."

"Then again, maybe killing you is part of the Author's plan for Beatrice."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, if he can't manipulate her, but he can manipulate the people around her, there's still a chance that he could manipulate her into becoming a villain."

"Beatrice? A villain? That's absurd."

"I'm willing to bet if you had met me when I was her age, you would never have thought I'd turn out like I did."


There

The witch walked towards Alec and snatched the straw doll from him.

"Where did you get this?"

"It was just on the floor," said Alec.

The red-headed woman eyed the trio as she held the doll.

"See, I know you're all liars, so who's going to be the first to tell me the truth? I can make the truth hurt or not. It's your choice."

Jenna turned to look at Louise.

"First, I want some answers," said Louise.

"I don't think so dearie."

"Don't dearie me." She looked at Jenna. "Can you believe she dearied me?"

"Louise, stop," said Jenna.

The woman eyed them. "There's an air of falseness to those names."

"Let's hear your name," said Louise.

"My questions first."

"No," said Louise. "You're the one who dragged us here. We were minding our own business-"

"Well, not exactly," Jenna admitted.

"I was actually," said Alec.

"I'm talking," said Louise. She crossed her arms. "Who are you and where are we?"

"I don't see why that should matter to you, dearie."

"Be careful with those dearies. Now, why don't you tell us something?"

The woman reached into Louise's chest. Alec gasped. Louise didn't flinch and threw her hand back, sending the woman flying against the wall.

"Oh, God," said Jenna, looking at the crumpled woman.

Her fears were quickly assuaged as the woman stood.

"So, you're a sorceress then," said the woman, waving a hand to heal herself.

"I also own a vintage clothing store."

The witch shook her head. "What's that?"

"It's a store for vintage clothing. What don't you get?"

"The vintage part," said Alec.

"It's old."

"Why would anyone pay for old clothing?," asked the witch.

"I am not having this conversation again," said Louise. "I am actually breaking even. Okay?"

"Look," Jenna interrupted, smiling sheepishly as she approached gingerly. The redhead recoiled at her. "If you could just reverse your spell and send us back home, that would probably be for the best."

"No one is going anywhere until I get what I want," said the witch. She plucked a hair from Louise's head.

"What are you doing?," asked Louise.

"Well, I can tell you know where to find Rumplestiltskin so I would guess that means he is wherever you just left."

"Oh, I don't know I would conclude that," said Jenna.

Louise waved her hand again causing her hair to flame out. The witch scowled and then fainted.

Jenna turned to Louise in amazement. "Where did you learn to do that?!"

"Where do you think? Come on, we have to get out of here."

"Out of here to where?," asked Jenna.

"Well, I don't think we should stay here," said Alec.

"It doesn't matter where!," said Louise. "Anywhere is better than her. We should probably just add her to the collection of crazy witches. Let's go."

They walked over to the circular stone door.

"How do we open it?," asked Jenna.

Louise waved her hand. The door rolled open.

"Well," she said, "that was surprisingly simple."


Here

Belle had taken over the dining room table with shiny college prospectuses. At the moment, Gold sat by her side nursing a cup of tea.

"There are just so many factors to consider," Belle lamented.

"How many of them have separate dorms for the girls?," Gold asked tightly.

"You know, I was thinking about that. It wouldn't be so hard to get Beatrice an apartment. We have enough money."

"Her own apartment?"

"Well, you don't want her living with boys."

"And if I get her an apartment, what boy do you think will be driving over to Waterville every day?"

"I trust her judgment."

"I trust her judgment as well, but there's only so much I ought to expect of her. She's at a treacherous age."

Pamela walked in the kitchen.

"Pamela," said Belle, "you think Beatrice could have her own apartment, don't you?"

Pamela gave a quizzical expression.

"Well, not tomorrow," said Belle. "When she goes to college."

"Feel free to tell the truth, dearie," said Gold.

Panela cleared her throat. "Well, Beatrice is a very bright girl, but in my work, I've noticed that a certain class of young lady is barely accustomed to the ordinary tasks of everyday life."

Gold scoffed. "Why should she be?"

Beatrice entered and looked at the table of brochures.

"Right, how is my college search going?"

"I just want to know more than I do. There's so much to read," said Belle. "Say, what would you think of an apartment in Waterville?"

"We're not getting her an apartment," said Gold.

Belle rolled her eyes at her husband and looked up at Beatrice. "If a pipe bursts, what do you do?"

All eyes were on Beatrice.

"Call him?," Beatrice asked, pointing at her father.

Gold sat back. "My point is made."

"A pan fire?," asked Pamela.

"Wave my hand and stop it?"

Belle looked up at Beatrice. "You're not helping."

"Sorry?"

"Where are you going, sweetheart?," asked Gold.

"Joseph is picking me up and we are going on a double date with Mulan and Aurora."

"A double date?," Pamela asked skeptically.

"I think Aurora's been watching too much TV and like, not good TV. Crappy TV."

The doorbell rang. Beatrice went to answer it, having to shove Martha to the side as Joseph entered.

"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Gold."

Beatrice turned to her parents. "Following me to the door?"

"Yes," said Gold. He looked at Joseph. "Eleven."

"Dad, it's Friday," said Beatrice.

"Eleven."

"Eleven," said Joseph, giving one last pat of the head to Martha.

They left.

Belle turned to Gold.

"Eleven?"

"You, too?"

Belle crossed her arms. "This isn't about Beatrice. This is about you not wanting your baby girl to grow up."

"I have accepted that she is going to grow up and I have accepted that she will someday move out when she marries the boy that just came in."

Belle furrowed her brow.

"Have I surprised you?," Gold asked.

"No, I was just thinking about Joseph. He's never lived on his own, either. Granny's can hardly count."

Gold stepped back.

"He can't cook," said Gold.

"I think he might know how to make tea," said Belle.

"Gods," said Gold, hit with the revelation, panic taking over his countenance. "They're going to starve to death."

"I suppose everyone has to learn..."


There

"Okay, seriously?," asked Jenna. "Why can't we find some candles or something? And honestly, what good are these magical realms if they don't have electricity? And cars?"

Alec stared at her blankly.

"Never mind that," said Jenna.

"What we need is a window," said Louise, navigating through the hall.

"What good will that do us? We'll still have no clue where we are!"

"Your sister is right," said Alec. "We need to get our bearings."

"Maybe I ought to get out my phone and see if there's a wifi connection."

Louise shot Jenna a look.

"Alec, you go that way, we'll be right here."

Alec marched off, they heard doors open and close in the distance.

Louise glared at Jenna.

"What?!"

"What are you doing?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, you're confusing him."

"Well, I'm a bit confused myself! I don't know what realm I'm in!"

"And whose fault is that?"

Jenna groaned. "Oh, I knew it. You are mad at me."

"Fine! Yes! I am! There are three laws of magic and you decided you knew better on this one! Look at us now!"

Jenna shook her head. "The other two get broken all the time!"

Alec cleared his throat. The women turned to see him.

"Sorry. Yes?," asked Jenna.

"I think you may want to have a look out the window."

They followed Alec to what they presumed to be a hall of some sort, with cloths draped over the furniture and what would seem to be statues. At one end, the hall was lined with hude windows. Alec had pried the wood open on one.

They went and looked to see an astonishing sight: a glittering city in the distance that they looked down upon. Even further off they could see other great castles on great mountains and a huge roaring waterfall.

"It's beautiful," remarked Jenna.

"Look up," said Alec.

Jenna and Louise held their heads out and turned to face up where they saw a great black cloud over the castle they currently stood in.

"Now, I myself may not practice magic," said Alec, "but I think that's a tempest."

"Yes," Jenna answered. "That would be a tempest."

Louise pointed down.

"That sort of seems to be an army."

"Well, this just keeps getting better," said Jenna.


Here

"You're awfully quiet today," said Merlin.

Lila looked up. "Am I?"

"In fact, I would say that you've been awfully quiet lately."

"I suppose I've had a lot on my mind."

"Yes, with your memories returning along with your youngest son..."

"Yes."

"How are you getting on?"

"I don't suppose we've had much opportunity to reacquaint ourselves."

"Is that all?"

Ariel entered.

"Hello, Merlin. Hello, Mrs. Foley."

"Hello, Ariel."

"What do you need?," asked Merlin.

"I will make it quick. I just need you two to look at the photo we took of the woman in the hospital and let me know if you know her."

Ariel handed the polaroid to Lila first.

"No, I'm sorry," said Lila.

"Merlin?"

He looked at it and handed it back.

"No, absolutely no idea."

Merlin walked out, leaving Ariel flummoxed.


Of the four people on the date, Aurora was the only one enjoying herself. Beatrice tried valiantly to pay attention. Mulan put in a nod or "yeah" every few sentences when asked. Joseph just didn't care.

"I'm so excited Mulan and I are finally getting our own place," said Aurora. "We should have a party when we move in. You guys should come."

Beatrice's phone buzzed. "Oh, sorry, probably my dad."

She looked at it.

How much longer will she go on? JG

Beatrice turned to Joseph.

"What did he say?," asked Joseph.

"For you to behave," said Beatrice.

"Of course we'll have to decorate," said Aurora. "Mulan and I have been looking at window treatments."

"Yeah," added the warrior.

Beatrice's iPhone buzzed again. She looked to somehow find herself in a group text with Joseph and Mulan.

Can't you make her stop? JG

I spent three hours looking at curtains. My brain is fried. M

Aurora looked eagerly at Beatrice. "What about you two?"

Beatrice shook her head. "What about us?"

"Well, no engagement?"

"Aurora, sorry, are you insane?," asked Beatrice.

"What?"

"Starting at the beginning? I'm seventeen and I haven't finished high school yet."

"My mother was seventeen when she got married," said Aurora.

"That's just the first problem with her," said Joseph who was now typing away on his iPhone.

The three women stared at him quizzically.

"Seriously, has no one else heard the real story?"

"That was a lie," said Aurora.

"That's not how I heard it..."

Aurora jumped up and stalked out.

Mulan groaned and called after her. "Aurora!" She turned to shoot daggers at Joseph. "You did that intentionally."

"Well, I had to do something before she moved on to what color paint she wanted on the walls."

Mulan hurried off.

Beatrice turned to Joseph. "Really?"

"We're not talking about decorating her flat anymore, are we?" He stood.

"Are you leaving?," asked Beatrice.

"I know you don't want to stay. Come on. You can blame me. I'll play the part of the bad boyfriend."

She frowned at him. "You're sort of being one."

"All the better. Come on. They'll be back soon. Unless you wish to explain to Aurora the concept of a child bride."

Beatrice stood and picked up her bag. "Fine, but I am not a child."


Gold and Belle sat in front of the fire. The TV was blissfully silent since Beatrice was absent. Neither of them much cared for anything that was on. The device was their daughter's domain He sat quietly as Belle pored over a brochure.

"It's just Boston's such a big city," said Belle. "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"I suppose we'll see."

Belle sat up.

"Rumple, I have to confess something."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"I wish she didn't have to go, either."

"Oh, Belle."

"I know we have to let her have her own life, to decide her own fate, but, Rumple, she's been my life for thirty years. What am I going to do when that time is done?"

"Oh, Belle," said Gold, brushing her hair back between his fingers. "Do you really think her growing up is going to change that? We will never be done with her."

His phone rang and he looked to see who it was. He grimaced.

"Not Mary Margaret?," asked Belle.

"Worse. Your father."


There

The three made their way down to what they presumed what was an entry hall.

"Wait a minute," said Jenna. "What is our plan?"

Louise and Alec stopped rushing.

"I sort of assumed something would come to me," said Louise.

"Odd, I just had the same thought exact," said Alec.

Jenna groaned. "You never think anything through, do you?"

"Right, unlike you," said Louise. "I forgot. You're perfect."

"I didn't say that-"

"You're perfect and you don't need magic and you can do just fine all on your own, can't you?!"

Alec looked between the two women. "I feel as if I'm missing something..."

"Oh, get over it! It wasn't about you! It was about my life, what I wanted!," said Jenna.

"It doesn't matter what you wanted! You had an obligation! To everyone!"

"I don't want it!"

"Too bad!"

At that point, the doors broke open. A group of uniformed guards marched in. A lone figure stepped forward.

"Halt!" He stepped forward and looked at themselves. "Consider yourselves under the authority of the Royal Guard of the Dark Forest!"

"The Dark Forest?," asked Jenna. "Is that where we are?"

"Oh, I see you're a funny one." He stepped forward. "Inspector Lestrade."

Jenna and Louise looked at each other, then turned back.

"What? Seriously?," asked Louise.

A woman stepped forward, her black hair pulled up in a bun, holding what seemed to be some kind of magnifying glass. "Inspector."

"What is it, Donovan?"

"Oh, my God, they have a Donovan, too," Louise said under her breath.

Lestrade took the magnifying glass and took it from the woman.

You two have magic," said Lestrade. He looked at Alec. "You even seem to have some."

"Yeah, we've got magic, so what?," asked Jenna.

"You're confessing then?," asked Donovan.

"God, she even acts like her..." Louise whispered.

"You two are realm jumpers," said Lestrade.

"Not by choice," said Jenna.

"Anderson!," Lestrade shouted.

"And they have an Anderson!," Louise said in amazement.

Another shorter man came over.

"Their blood, Anderson," said Lestrade.

"Our blood? For what?!," Jenna exclaimed as guards went to hold them all back against the stone wall. Anderson took a crystal needle and put droplets of blood into an embossed wooden box.

"Used for tracking," said Anderson. "Magic in this realm is controlled, per the order of the King."

"Shut up, Anderson," said Louise. "You're lowering the IQ of the whole castle."

Jenna turned to glare. "Really?"

"Well, I couldn't just leave that now, could I?"

"Yes! Yes, you could have left it!"

Lestrade returned to them as Anderson finised poking them.

"How did you get here then?," he asked.

"The woman brought us," said Jenna.

"What woman?"

"Red-headed witch who lives upstairs?," said Louise.

Lestrade and Donovan exchanged looks.

"What? What's that?," asked Alec.

"Donovan, stay with the guards."

"Inspector," said Anderson, holding the box for him to look at.

Lestrade's eyes widened as he looked at the women.

"Don't let anything happen to them, under any circumstances," he warned as he rushed off.


Here

Joseph and Beatrice made their way to Starbucks. Joseph ordered tea, Beatrice ordered a mocha and they sat at the usual sofa.

"So," Joseph began, "how was the Colby visit?"

"School is good, parents are crazy."

"Oh?"

"My mom took notes on the tour. Then they started talking about the dorms rooms in comparison to the size of various dungeons they had been in."

"Well, it was their first foray into the real world."

"I have to think of something to get them into shape. Mom wants to go to Bates and at some point I'm supposed to leave them alone for an hour while I do an interview." She turned to smile. "You could do me a favor and watch them..."

"Oh, am I being invited to watch the Dark One and his wife?"

"Just stay there and make sure they don't talk about... anything."

"Because I am such a model of appropriate social behavior."

"So you see the severity of my problem."

Joseph smiled. "Indeed I do."

His phone buzzed. He picked it up.

"I prefer texting."

"Joseph, it's Doctor Whale."

"And?"

"That woman. She's awake."

"Alright. I'll be by."

"Could you maybe hurry? She's kind of on a rampage."

Joseph hung up. Beatrice looked at him questioningly.

"Mystery woman on a rampage. Care to join me?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?"


As Joseph pulled up to the hospital, they noticed the flashes of light and people running from the building.

As Leroy was the first to run over to them.

"Beatrice, you have to do something!"

"Oh, look, I'm a hero again."

"What's happened?," asked Joseph.

"That woman they found, she's woken up and she's crazy! She's on a rampage!"

"Right. Of course she is," said Beatrice. She looked at the screaming hordes as they left. "Whatever you do, don't panic!"

Beatrice walked towards the entrance.

"I'll call David and Emma!," said Leroy

"What will that do?," sneered Joseph as he texted. "I've told Marian to bring Lestrade. The situation is well in hand."

"How do you figure that?!," Leroy shouted.

"Well, we can't all run screaming from the building!," he said as he followed Beatrice in.


There

"Unhand them," Donovan said to the guards. She nodded at Alec. "Keep watch of him."

"Don't you dare hurt him," said Jenna, bolting over to Alec as the guards released her and Louise.

Donovan eyed Jenna. "Are you vouching for him?"

"Would it mean something if I did?," asked Jenna.

"I suppose it would."

"Then I am vouching for him."

Suddenly, the ground shook. They looked up to see the castle tearing apart, the hall above them being ripped away until they could only see the tempest that had been hovering outside.

"Get out!," Donovan ordered. "All of you! Now! Now!"

"What about Lestrade?," asked Anderson.

"Now, Anderson!," shouted Donovan.

The guards led them out as the castle fell into pieces.


Here

Beatrice walked down the hall, catching a flash of red hair before a crash cart went flying at her. She threw up her hands to send it to the side where Joseph narrowly avoided it.

"Sorry."

"Yes, try not to give me a head injury here. It is the worst hospital in the world."

"Hey!," Beatrice shouted down the hall. "Hey!"

"What, dearie?!"

A gurney went flying.

"Oh, you do not dearie me, dearie!," Beatrice shouted back. She turned to Joseph. "Do you believe she just dearie'd me?"

"That is interesting."

Beatrice frowned. She turned back to the direction of the magic.

"Look, just stop throwing stuff and we can talk for a minute!"

"Not interested. As far as I'm concerned, this whole world can burn! I just want what I came for!"

"Yeah, well, you might as well tell me what it is because I can't let the whole world burn!"

"And who are you to make such declarations?"

Beatrice swallowed. "I'm the Dark Princess!" She looked at Joseph.

"Pretty good. Delivery could use a bit of work. Does your father have any pupills we don't know about?"

"What?"

"Milah, the Jolly Roger, what do those things have in common?"

"Hook?"

"I grant you that, but she picked up 'dearie' from someone. Someone who was connected to Milah and the Jolly Roger! Lestrade is knowledgeable in magic because he's a detective- well, sort of detective, his methodology is rather pedestrian- that investigates its practitioners."

Beatrice groaned. "Great, we have another revenge seeker. We should really just pick a day for people to do that so we don't have to spend so much time on it. Like a 'Seek Your Revenge on Rumplestiltskin Day'."

The woman's magic roared again. She lobbed a fireball behind Beatrice. Beatrice launched an ice ball back.

They looked up to see Merlin quickly followed by Gold. Gold rushed towards Beatrice.

"Sweetheart, are you alright?"

"Hello, there," Merlin called.

The magical outburst ceased.

"Is that who I think it is?"

"It is indeed," said Merlin. "How have the last few centuries been for you?"

"Centuries? What do you mean centuries?"

"He's here with me. Do you want to see him?"

Gold looked up at Merlin. "What is this?"

"A reunion." Merlin turned back. "Do you want to see him? You came all this way, Gormlaith."

"What trick is this?," asked Gold.

"No trick."

"His mother!," said Joseph. "Damn! I can't believe I missed that!"

"I just missed that," said Beatrice.

They heard footsteps. Gormlaith rounded the corner, carefully walking towards him. Gold was frozen, clutching onto Beatrice just to stay upright.

"Where is he?," Gormlaith demanded of Merlin. "You said he was with you."

"He is with me," said Merlin. "Did you not hear me when I mentioned the centuries that passed?"

Slowly, Gormlaith turned to Gold.

"Rumplestiltskin."

She reached out to touch his face and he backed away.

"What the hell is this?," Gold demanded.

"I thought that would be obvious, sunshine," said Merlin.

"Rumple, I-"

They were interrupted by footsteps clamoring down the hall. Beatrice turned to see David, Marian, Lestrade and Emma in a bizarre dress running down the hall.

"Highness," said Lestrade.

"Inspector."

"Oh, of course," said Joseph. "That's why you were protecting her."

"Okay, yeah, Emma, what is that dress?," asked Beatrice.

"Could we focus here?," asked Emma. "What is going on? Who is she?"

"Well," said Joseph, "obviously this is Rumplestiltskin's mother, Gormlaith, who appears to be royalty of some sort, but he's obviously thought her dead-"

"No, I thought she abandoned me," said Gold. "Which she did, actually."

"I was only going to be gone a few days, you never used the ball-"

"Papa sold the ball to go to the pub!," Gold shouted back.

Gormlaith shrugged helplessly. "I didn't know, I'm sorry-"

"Sorry?! You're sorry?!" He turned. "Beatrice, we're going."

"Rumple, please," said Gormlaith.

Beatrice looked back as Gold led her out. "Um, hi, I'm your granddaughter. Sorry about the witch fight?"

Gold kept walking.

Beatrice leaned in. "Are you sure you don't want to stay and discuss some things?"

Gold shot her a glare.

"Okay, so I'll Google how to get on Iyanla."