Note: This chapter is shorter than the last few for a reason. I would love to hear your thoughts about this chapter! We will start getting into some of Lexie's past soon for those of you that are curious about her and Clay's beef :) Thank you for the PM's and reviews, that's why I'm able to keep writing like this! And now:::::
Chapter 7
"Hey, Mrs. Redding." I said, knocking softly on the door. After my flight landed, I had gone home, gotten a few hours of sleep, taken a quick shower and headed to the hospital to see her. She'd been getting tests done so I came back the next morning as I wasn't back on rotation until Monday and wanted to check in on her. I saw her face light up a little as she pushed away her half-eaten breakfast.
"Dr. Grant! I thought you were in California. Surely you have something better to do than visit an old lady on your off day." She said, motioning towards the chair by the window. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.
"Not at all. How are you? Remember, I'm not Dr. Grant right now, I'm just Lexie. You can be honest." I said, leaning back in the chair. She took a deep breath and shook her head.
"We were married for twenty years, baby. I can't be okay in two weeks. I'm getting better though. The memories are making me smile more than cry now. I just dread going home to that empty house." She said, shaking her head. I got it. Every minute I spent in that house was a challenge and made me feel completely alone. I was going to stop by the liquor store on my way home to help out. "How about you, sweetheart? Did your trip home help?"
"It did, actually. I started feeling normal there towards the end. Then I came back and I started feeling guilty for having had a good time while I was out there." I frowned and twisted my rings for the first time in a few days. Mrs. Redding shook her head.
"You can't feel guilty for being happy. What if it had been you? Would you have wanted Mr. Grant to mourn your passing or celebrate your life by being happy?" She asked with a motherly look. I chuckled and nodded my head.
"You sound like my mother, just less blunt and you have a funny accent." I said with a wink she laughed and held her side where her ribs had been fractured. "Careful."
"Oh, stop fussing over me, Lexie. Can I tell you a secret?" She said, rubbing her side. I leaned back again and nodded. "Mr. Redding wasn't my first husband. I was married in my early twenties. His name was John and I loved him so dearly. He was the ying to my yang. He was an Army man and three years after we were married, he went out on deployment to the desert. He didn't make it back and I thought it was the end of the world. I truly thought I would never smile again. I couldn't keep living on base without him, so I moved back home. That's when Mr. Redding happened. We'd gone on a couple dates in school but never really connected. We'd both changed by the time I came back though. I fought it for a long time, thinking that John would have been heartbroken had I moved on and loved another. Eventually, I quit fighting fate. See, John was the love of my life for the time that we were together but I learned that Mr. Redding was the love of my life to. That didn't make John any less important to me. I'd like to think he would have liked to see me happy and I was. Oh, Lexie I was so very happy."
"Your children never knew about John?" I asked, processing everything that she'd told me. She shook her head with a warm smile.
"No, sweetheart. It just never came up." She said with a small lift of her shoulders. "You understand, don't you? You are allowed to love again. A husband wants his wife to be happy. It's part of that love you shared. Don't deny yourself a chance at love again because every day with the person you love is precious. It will never be enough so you can't waste it."
"I swear it sounds like you went to California with me, Mrs. Redding. Excuse me for a minute, my mother in-law has been calling me back to back. I just want to make sure everything is okay. I'll be right back."
"Martha?" I answered, wondering what was going on. I hadn't told her that I was back from Charming yet, so I was surprised by what would have been an early morning call.
"Alexis, I saw your car in the driveway this morning. I wasn't aware you were back yet." I couldn't tell if she was upset or not. I was planning on keeping to myself for a couple days but it didn't look like that was going to happen. I felt guilty for taking off after the funeral, so I bit the bullet.
"I am. I've been recovering from jet lag. Do you think we could go out to dinner? You, Hailey and I?" I offered, knowing that even if she didn't want to, she was too polite to decline my invitation. She agreed, of course and we agreed to meet at noon the next day. I walked back into Mrs. Redding's room, but she was sound asleep. I smiled at how peaceful she seemed and hoped that our talk helped her as much as she'd helped me. I pulled the door to quietly and checked my rotation schedule before leaving the hospital. I looked forward to getting back to work, to getting back to helping other people. After stopping by the liquor store, I went home and started unpacking my bags from Charming. I could notice a slight smell of smoke on even the clean clothes and realized that I had become nose blind to it while I was there. I decided to go ahead and wash the clothes again, the smell just seemed out of place in the house.
I wandered through the house with a bottle of wine. Everything reminded me of Hank. Some of the memories, like our wedding pictures on the mantle made me smile while stepping foot into the kitchen where I'd gotten the call took the air right out of my lungs. By the time I made it back into the bedroom, the bottle was half empty. I sat down on his side of the bed, noticing how cool it was from his absence. I finished the bottle and decided to sell the house. I couldn't stay there, not without him. If it was just the memories, I may have decided otherwise but there was no way I could afford the mortgage alone. I needed something smaller both in size and price.
The next morning, I woke up with a splitting headache and little time to get ready for lunch. I had to force myself off the couch and up the stairs to take a shower in the guest bedroom. The neighbor was mowing his lawn, just like he did every Saturday morning and it wasn't helping my hangover at all. It was official, I was back in Atlanta.
"Hey, Hailey." I gave her a quick hug after getting out of my car and meeting she and Martha at the front door of their favorite restaurant. It was fancier than I cared for but I owed them for leaving like I did. She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Despite the almost ten year age difference, Hailey and Hank had always been close. She had his same curly blonde hair and green eyes. It almost hurt to see her.
"Hey, Lexie. I missed you." She said, hugging me again. Even though Martha and I were never on the same page or even in the same chapter, Hailey and I had a pretty good relationship. She always said I was the big sister she'd always wanted, especially when Hank was around so she could tease him. Martha hugged me politely and gave me a peck on the cheek. Both she and Hailey were in summer dresses where I was in khaki pants and a green blouse. I was okay with dressing up for lunch but I only wore dresses for special occasions. They just weren't my style.
"I just want to start off by apologizing to both of you. I know that I'm not the only one that lost Hank. I left because I needed my family. I know we're still family but I couldn't be around you because it just reminded me of him. I know it's selfish but I hope you can understand and forgive me. I only did what I felt I had to." I felt a weight lift from my chest after I'd said my piece when we sat down. I wasn't apologizing for leaving but I was sorry for how it made them feel. Hailey gave me a smile and a nod. I was just waiting on Martha to say something.
"Alexis, we don't see eye to eye on much of anything but you are still family, dear. Losing our Hank still hurts and I don't expect the loss of a child ever stops hurting. When you left though, I was worried that you wouldn't come back. I thought I had lost both my son and daughter. You will always be family, Lexie. Just don't get any more tattoos." She said with a small laugh. I chuckled and nodded.
"I can't promise that but I'll keep you in the dark as long as possible." I said with a smile. She sighed dramatically but the air seemed to clear between us. The tension that was normally there had been lifted and we were able to just enjoy our lunch together.
Life started getting back to as close to normal as possible after a while. I went back to work and started spending some time with coworkers and Hailey when I wasn't at the hospital. I had started packing and getting ready to sell the house about a week after coming back from Charming. There were a few people scheduled to see it but no one had put any offers in yet. I knew the housing market wasn't great, so I didn't try to find another place just yet. I wasn't entirely sure I was ready to leave anyways.
"Hey, Tara. I'm about to scrub in for a procedure. Can I call you back?" I said, pausing at the OR doors to answer Tara's third call. She was supposed to be flying out for a visit in a few days and I was hoping she wasn't having to cancel.
"Lexie! Your Mom has been trying to call you. It's Wendy. Gemma found her on the kitchen floor this morning. She's got enough crank in her to kill a grown man. We're going in for an emergency C-section in a couple minutes." Tara was speaking quickly and I could tell she was cradling the phone with her shoulder as she scrubbed in. I felt like all of the blood in my body drained down to my feet. The world started spinning. I had ignored several calls from Mom earlier because of an argument we had the last time I'd spoken with her. "I'll let you know something as soon as I can but your Mom is a wreck."
"I'll call her on my way to the airport. Thank you, Tara. Please be the better surgeon, just this once." I said. She ended the call without another word. I paced back and forth for a minute to slow my racing heart. I didn't want to seem as panicked as I was feeling when I told Dr. Thompson that I needed to leave.
"Dr. Grant, we're waiting on you." Dr. Thompson said, opening the swinging door with her foot. I took a deep breath and stood up straight.
"I'm sorry but I can't scrub in for this procedure. There's been a family emergency and I need to leave. I'm sorry, it's my nephew." I said, hoping she understood. I had told her a little about my family and she knew that Wendy's pregnancy was more than high risk.
"Dr. Grant, you understand that you have already missed almost two weeks. You've been back for just over a month. We all have families, Dr. Grant. You need to decide if leaving to hold their hands is worth your spot in this program." I felt like I had been hit by a tractor trailer and then a train back to back. I knew that I missed time but I didn't ever think they would give me an ultimatum like that. "So, are you scrubbing in?"
