A/N- So, lot of reception last chapter. Apparently you all liked it! Except the bonus. It was a joke, guys…fine, as a peace offering, a real bonus will be at the bottom. And no ridiculous stuff like the last one, promise.
I guess the internetz goes to Wanderer101, since he guessed the Alien Isolation reference. -Shoves internets in box and throws them to who knows where- anyway, this is the last chapter before the mission, episodes, whatever you want to call them. You'll see when you see the poll, which will be explained below.
Well, what's on the other side of that portal? A about-to-be-beat zin. That's what.
MASS MISCALCULATION
Episode 21- Zin? Zin who?
Zinny and Zinjai waited eagerly behind the control panel to the trans dimensional device. For them it had been a hour since their Emperor and his companions left, and as devoted as they were, they were to stand there to await their return. If they returned.
But eventually they grew bored.
"…Your sure they're going to come back?" Zinny asked nervously.
Zinjai grinned. "Calm yourself, Zinny. We would never send them to a universe we knew wasn't technologically adept enough for them to build a machine to get them back"
"Ah" Zinny sighed in relief, but then eyed him again. "Then why did you tell them we didn't know what kind of dimension they were going into?"
Zinjai shrugged and explained, "you know the tradition, new emperor gets played a practical joke"
"This may have been a bit much. Remember the last guy who did that to Zinyak…poor Zinkie" they both bowed their heads before Zinny added, "so how long until they return?"
"I estimate a few hours at best, maybe a day if-" a large, purple portal interrupted him as it opened where the Saints had left. "Oh, never mind, they're back already"
Zinjai eagerly stepped up in front of the portal, awaiting his Emperor's return. He saw him run through, minus the armor, but what he didn't expect was for the Emperor to shout his name at the top of his lungs and tackle him to the ground, socking him in the head continuously.
"Send me to a universe you don't know we can come back from, you jive-ass mutha fucka!" Emperor Boss yelled as he continued his assault.
"Your highness, please! Let me explain!" Zinjai pleaded as he attempted to shield his face.
Boss stopped hitting him as Zinjai said, "it is customary for a new emperor to be played a practical joke when throned! We new the universe you went to had the technology to bring you back!"
"…So you knew we could get back, but you didn't tell me?" Boss deadpanned.
"Yes?" Zinjai said with a hopeful tone, only for the onslaught of fists to resume.
"You lyin' ass cheap ass jive ass punk ass pussy ass bitch ass-!"
"You idiot!" Someone's foot connected with the side of Boss's head, causing him to fly a few feet back. The owner of the foot was Aaron, who looked very mad. "You just literally ran through a trans-dimensional portal Kinzie whipped up from scratch! You could have been disintegrated, or sent to another dimension! You ever think before you do stupid shit like- okay, play it cool dawgs…" Aaron raised his hands when a dozen zin guards aimed their rifles at Aaron. They didn't at all appreciate him kicking the Emperor.
"Boss, you wanna cool your boys?" Aaron requested.
Boss got up from the ground, rubbing the side of his head. "I don't know, man, you did just kick me in the side of the head. Right now the throbbing is telling me to let them haul your ass into the brig. I think that kick might have awakened some great evil force within me"
Aaron frowned and sighed, face-palming. "Tell them to stop pointing their guns at me before I space their asses"
Boss nodded. "A'ight, a'ight, fine, boys lay off"
"Emperor?" one of the zin questioned, poking Aaron with the tip of his rifle, causing Aaron to scowl at him.
"That's an order homie, lay off" begrudgingly, the zin guards lowered their guns.
Not a moment later, the other Saints stepped through the portal.
"So these are the zin you guys kept yammerin' on about" Zaeed noted, gesturing to one of the guards.
Kasumi stepped up to one, looking at his spikes. "Freaky" she shuddered, stepping away.
"Put it back" Boss ordered.
"Aww, you never let me have any fun" Kasumi whined, tossing the guard back his pistol, the thief pouting while the poor zin tried to figure out how she managed to do that.
"Hey, I let you steal all the stuff you want. Just not from our boys"
Zinny stepped in front of them, helping Zinjai up, who he whispered to, "I told you it was too much" Zinjai grumbled in response.
Letting the wounded zin stumble off, Boss yelled after him, "yo when you heal up get my goblet! Zinny, what's the haps?"
"Greeting's, Emperor" Zinny greeted, bowing.
"Dude, I told you, none of y'all need to bow, or 'grace me', or anything like that, a wave or something would be good. Or…what's the fancy word for 'good'?"
"Suffice" Morinth said.
"Yeah, suffice, whatever"
"So who's this guy?" Aaron asked.
Boss grinned. "This right here is the chief of engineering of the entire Zin Empire"
Zinny nodded but than did a double take. "What!? B-bu-but I'm just a lowly stock engineer! Nowhere near the executive level!"
Boss waved his hand in a 'pshaw' gesture. "You a good engineer?"
"One of the best, according to my peers"
"The executives actually engineers or just pompous assholes?"
"The last one"
"Then you're a executive. Now then!" Boss clapped his hands together. "What's been happening?"
"Well, you've only been gone for a hour here, so…not much" he looked at Aaron. "I assume the mission was a success?"
"Yeah, could've been easier, but it's done"
"And them?" Zinny pointed to the ex-Normandy crew.
"Oh, some new homies I gathered up" Boss looked from side to side and leaned closer to Zinny's ear. "I'm gonna be honest, I started another gang in the other dimension. I want the zin to come over there and help"
"Are you sure that's wise, Emperor?" Zinny asked, gesturing to the entire room. "You're the emperor of this dimension, you belong here. And Earth-"
"Dude, we have a time machine. By the way, does it only work here or-?"
"Quantum causality wouldn't allow it to work in another universe. It would take years of calibrations"
Boss nodded. "My point exactly, and we could get a ton of recourses from there to. I'm not even joking, half the stuff there has platinum in it!"
Zinny thought awhile and sighed. "If it is your will, we will go. What is your plan?"
"I want the entire empire there, I got a plan, but I need to know; you guys have time travel, that mean you can hook me up with whatever kind of technology I need?"
Zinny shrugged. "We haven't exactly invented every invention out there, and Zinyak had put many research projects on ice, however if you require something we can probably manage"
While Boss was talking with Zinny, Aaron looked at the rest of the Saints. "We seriously doing this? We're seriously bringing them to our dimension?"
Gat shrugged. "Hey, it's Boss's choice, he's their leader. Besides, what's the worse that can happen?"
"I'm worried about the council" Aaron admitted. "They find out that we're hiding an entire alien race, they're gonna react very…drastically. It'll be even worse if they find out the zin are more advanced than the rest of the galaxy combined"
"So what if they find out? Me and Jr. here can take whatever they throw at us" Gat assured, patting Grunt's back, who gruffly nodded in response.
"…Is this like a 'son you never had' deal?" Pierce asked, stepping back.
"Meh, sorta" Gat shrugged.
"Guys, I'm serious" they focused back on Aaron. "If they find out, it'll be spectre city, agent after agent trying to get a shred of tech. Specially if they send that Bau guy"
"Who the hell's Bau?" Shaundie asked.
Aaron turned around, crossing his arms. "Bau. One of the most influential spectres the council had. Salarian. Wears tacky armor. And he actually knows what he does" he turned his head to look at them and added, "and I hate to admit it, but he almost killed me once"
Everyone's jaw dropped. "How the hell'd that happen?" Jack asked. The rest of the Saints wanted to know as well, how did some salarian almost kill Aaron?
"Because, the prick is smart. I went one direction, he was there. Went a different one, he had a trap. Went pass the trap, he head thirty more behind it. It was half a year after non-dick Shepard got killed, and I underestimated the guy, almost blew me high sky with a bomb" he lowered his head. "Guys, you ever see a salarian in black armor with a orange trim, clip him. He's a manipulative son of a bitch. Got it?"
"This guy actually scare you? I've seen ya kill tougher wankers within a few seconds" Zaeed added.
"I ain't scared, I'm cautious. I just don't want you guys to make the same mistake I did when I met the dude"
"I understand" Grejan assured. "Spectres are not to be underestimated"
"Yeah, I had to kill one back when I was with Cerberus. They're more dangerous than they let on" Ouro noted. The Saints warily looked at Aaron, but then nodded.
Boss came over and wrapped a arm around Aaron's shoulder, a giant gold and gem-encrusted goblet in his hand. "Aaron, my man, you gotta try this stuff"
"Isn't that Zinyak's old goblet he had before you killed him?" Matt questioned.
"Yeah, but it's mine now. And the wine is made from genetically altered grapes, shit's amazing. Speaking of the head, I made Zinjai go get it. And that stuff from the ship, it was pretty cool. Anyway, what are you guys talking about?"
"Nothin', what'd you talk to the zin about?" Aaron shrugged Boss's hand away and he smiled. "Oh, just getting some plans for how to transport the entire zin empire to the other universe. Zinny worked something out, but we're gonna need to transport him and a few engineers to a mass relay"
Aaron did a double take. "What the hell for?"
"Just trust me, you guys do what you want, I'm gonna go and get the broken armor, I need that thing fixed"
"Your liege" Zinjai popped out of nowhere, a crate behind him. "The items you requested"
"Oh, thanks man" Boss carried the crate out and called behind him, "I'm gonna decorate and get the armor fixed, you guys do whatever! Get loaded up on weapons if you want, we're gonna need some good guns. Lots and lots of good guns"
"Did we ever figure out where this stuff even come from?" Kinzie sighed as she gazed on the wall. The Saints were in the main living area of the penthouse, on the right side where the room lead out to the pool, opposite of the TV. The side was converted to a small common area with all the Earth stuff that was on the ship when the Saints were taking over the zin, complete with the pool table, weird chairs, and countless other vintage items. On the wall was Zinyak's severed head with spiked spine, facing…a mounted shark. Specifically the shark that was in Zimos's house back on Earth, complete with golden teeth, a gold and diamond 'Z' chain, pimp glasses, and a giant version of Zimos's hat.
"You mean you guys didn't put it there?" Boss tilted his head.
"No, all this stuff was there when we got there" Keith said.
"Huh. Guess we'll never know" Boss shrugged and looked at Aaron. "So, whatcha think?"
Aaron put his hand on his chin and thought for a moment, before answering, "Ain't the head gonna decompose?"
Boss opened his mouth to retort, but then closed it again. "Good point, I'll get Zinjai to dip it in platinum. Yo dude?"
"Yes, my lie-…bro?" Zinjai asked, jogging in again from nowhere, Aaron looking to where he came from.
Boss had given a new policy to the zin, being annoyed everyone kept calling him fancy names. So being Emperor he made it a law they couldn't do that anymore. The adjustment for them has been hard so far.
"A'ight, ZJ, I want you to take Zinyak's head and dip it in platinum, I think we got some bars of it lying around somewhere, go find some"
Zinjai looked on the head with distaste. "With pleasure, Boss" he walked over to the head and stood on his toes as he attempted to get the head down. However once he grabbed it he tripped and knocked the shark down, breaking it.
"Goddammit ZJ" Boss cursed. He walked over to the shark and prodded it with his foot, and a small groan escaped it. Curiosity gripped him and he separated the two pieces of the shark, shouting "holy shit!" before pulling someone up.
Aaron and Gat tilted their heads in confusion while everyone else cheered in joy and went over to the figure. He seemed to be a slightly aged black man with small mustache, wearing a purple suit with gold chains and jewelry and a purple hat with a purple feather in it, gold-rimmed glasses on his eyes. In his hand was a gold can with a microphone at the end. If one were to look closely they could see a hole in the man's throat.
"Man, Zimos!" Pierce yelled, putting the man in a bear hug. "Dude we thought you died on Earth man!"
Zimos shoved Pierce off of him and held his cane to his trachea hole, asking in an auto-tuned voice, "where the hell am I?"
Aaron's eyes widened. "Dude, you have an awesome voice"
Boss spun to Aaron and Gat. "Oh yeah, you two don't know this guy! May I present, the Granddaddy of the Saints, the best pimp this side of the universe, the guy who can sometimes talk without putting his cane to his throat somehow, Zimos!" when nothing but a cricket was chirping, he added, "also known as the guy who made me drive limos around the city avoiding the paparazzi while people were having sex in the back seat while at the same time rescuing his hos"
"Wait, this is the pimp you were talking about one time?" Gat asked. Back in the simulation, he and Boss were bonding in virtual Genki Bowl, Boss at one time mentioning Zimos.
"I'm still in the dark here, but whatevs, wassup?" Aaron greeted, waving.
Zimos looked at Aaron, and then the Saints, and then the resident aliens, and then back at Boss again and asked, "I'm getting probed as we speak, aren't I?"
Boss tilted his head back. "Um, no. Zimos, how the hell are you alive? We thought you died"
"Before I clarify, I'm not getting probed"
"No, your not- the zin don't do that! Probably. ZJ do zin do that?"
While Zinjai carried Zinyak's head away, he answered, "Zinyak had a lot of spare time. You don't want to know what he did to some of the human women he captured and put in a 'special simulation'. And that was just humans"
Boss shuddered while muttering "gross" before turning back to Zimos. "Look, I'll fill you in on what's been happening, but you gotta tell us, what's the last thing you remember?"
Zimos put his chin on his cane. "Well, last thing I remember is this…"
Saints Earth- before explosion
Ever since Zimos had joined the Saints, it had been a great time. He got to work with respectable women, he got plenty of business, and he got paid. What more could a pimp ask for?
Getting dressed, Zimos waked into the middle of his pad and nodded to the dozen barely clothed women in around him before taking a deep breath.
"Ah, another day of pimping. Ladies, the conductor of the Z train his here! Choo- the fuck…" Zimos opened the curtains, and the girls screamed when they saw zin ships attacking Steeleport. At that moment the same zin ship the Saints had used when defeating Zinyak landed in front of the pad, a squad of zin running towards the pad.
Zimos narrated from the real world, "I saw some freaky gray men swarming to my pad, so instinctually I thought of the girls and told them where to find the guns and to run for their lives. I then took a bottle of pills and hid in my prized shark as a hiding place"
"Of all the things you could have took, you took pills?" Kinzie deadpanned.
"…Shut up"
Hopping in the shark through the mouth, Zimos watched in horror as the zin ran into the pad, searching the place.
"Empty" one of them reported.
"Yep" another said. "Hey, this stuff looks pretty cool"
"Zinche, we're to capture humans, not admire the décor" another zin scolded.
"Relax man, there's not even anybody here. And look at all this stuff! I say we take it, it could prove…valuable for research" Zinche defended.
One of the zin gazed at the shark. "…there is a Earth organism on the wall"
The first zin, the commander, threw his hands up. "Fine, take the human crap if you want. But I'm not carrying it"
The zin had carried the shark and Zimos's stuff away, and had loaded them onto the ship, said ship flying into space.
Once the zin had left the area Zimos's stuff was put, he had left the shark and knocked a zin out with his cane, taking his pistol and killing him before he went and killed the rest of the zin on the ship. However, when he tried to leave, the door was locked and he couldn't get out. So, seeing nothing else to do, he had huddled into the shark for a nap and popped some pills he was carrying to pass the time. However he felt strange and looked at the bottle, and his eyes widened as he realized he took a paralyzing pill. With that he slumped over, frozen, trapped in the shark. Little did he know minutes later Kinzie had hacked the door and taken control of it, seeking out to free the Boss from his simulation.
"And the next thing I know I wake up here" the old Saint summarized.
Aaron raised a hand. "So why did you have roofies lying around?"
"And who are you?"
Boss walked in between the two. "Zimos, a lot of crazy, unbelievable and unrealistic shit has happened since you drugged yourself"
"Isn't unrealistic and unbelievable the same?" Aaron tried to correct.
Boss waved him off. "Don't worry, it's a double-negative. Anyway, Zimos, I'm gonna lay down a lengthy explanation. Damn this is getting old…"
One thirty-minute story later
"-Which lead to the shark breaking and your discovery" Boss summarized, panting while holding his knees. Most of the Saints had left to their own business, getting bored of hearing the same thing over and over again. The only one that remained was Aaron.
"Homie, that's pretty crazy" Zimos said after a long moment, then said, "but I got one question"
"Sure, name it" Boss edged on.
"These asari babes, how hard is it to get their bitches?"
Aaron groaned, holding his head. "Boss, is this guy for real?"
"Forgot to mention, Aaron has a strong distaste for people of ill repute and their handlers" Boss explained.
Zimos walked up to Aaron, poking his chest with his cane. "You saying this man don't like hos and pimps?"
"Yeah, I don't" Aaron whipped the cane away. "You have a problem, homes?"
"Both of you!" putting each hand on their chests, Boss pushed the two away, scowling at both of them. "Aaron, I don't care you hate bitches. Zimos, I don't care you hate Aaron 'cause he hates bitches. You BOTH will be working together, and your both my friends, so either kiss and make up and get the hell out until you find a damn compromise"
Aaron sighed, pushing Boss's hand away. "Fine, I'll work with the dude. As long as he's cool, I'll play nice"
"Same" Zimos promised. "Now where's the nearest bar? I gotta build the supply up"
"Zimos, this universe does things a little different now, it's all voluntary now. It's mostly voluntary. Just find Morinth or Jack, they'll help you. Find Morinth, Jack might warp you into the ground"
"Alright homes, gotta go find out how to deck out the Z" with that, Zimos hustled out.
Aaron looked at Boss. "I like the guy, I just don't like the work"
"Dude, what is your problem with hos?" Boss asked. That's the one thing he never knew about Aaron, or anyone. He was specifically known among the Saints as the person who killed hos, but he didn't care about the name.
"Look, most people just hate something for no good reason. Can we talk about this later, what's goin' on with the zin?"
Boss smiled at Aaron's question, chuckling. "Well, it's a surprise. Let's just say it's gonna be awesome. But like I said, we need to take those engineers to the mass relay to this system. And I got a plan for that, Zinjai!"
"Yes?" ZJ the manservant asked, coming in from a doorway.
"How the hell do you do that?" Aaron wondered, going to the doorway and looking through it.
"Level with me man, did you fix the armor?" Boss pleaded, holding his hands together. The broken power armor had been giving to Zinny, hoping for the armor to be able to be repaired. He had been awaiting ever since.
"Yes, however Zinny wanted me to inform you of a…how do you saw, new version of the suit"
Boss perked up. "New version?"
"Yes, there is only one, meaning to be only meant for you, a upgraded version. He recommended your Saints be given the other model of the power armor, those models having been given a slight enhancement"
Boss made a humming sound, crossing his arms and looking up. "So, give my homies power armor? Your right, they might need it. Suit 'em up, and get the engineers. We're heading out"
"Do I get power armor?" Aaron asked.
"You already have super powers, you don't need no armor"
"Dammit. Eh, whatevs. Let's roll"
Boss shook his head. "Don't think that's a good idea, Aaron. Galaxy still thinks your dead, and I still have a plan here, I need you to stay here"
Aaron groaned out, "for how long?"
"Not long, not long, trust me. It's in the plan. ZJ, get Zinny, we're going to the mass relay"
Hovering over the mass relay, the Fleur De Lis dropping off some zin in purple space suits with black, polarized domes helmets, Zinny among them. Accompanying them was the familiar power armor Boss had worn with the pure purple paint job and blue fleur in the middle. However, it was Gat wearing this armor, being passed down from Boss.
The engineers and Gat touched down, two more power armored figures landing behind them, however with the bulky appearance of the armor one couldn't tell male from female. The first to speak had their armor painted white with a purple trim, and a purple vertical line across the faceplate, a purple fleur being on the chest.
"Man, this thing is great!" the voice of Pierce yelled, examining himself. "I feel like I can take anything on! Including the stock market! Now when I badly invest I can just punch the person who ran the company and steal the money"
Another armored figure, this one a jet black with purple trim and fleur, a purple X across the faceplate. "You couldn't even do that with power armor" Shaundie retorted.
"Would both of you calm down?" Zaeed's voice rang. He ran up to them, wearing a orange-painted armor with black trim and fleur, a black square on his faceplate. "Boss put me in charge of this op 'till he gets here, so bloody settle. Matt, go with Zinny, help him if he needs something"
"Got it" behind Zaeed, a black-armored form with a neon blue trim ran past towards him, the skull decker symbol taking up the entire faceplate.
"So, when is Boss getting here?" Ben asked, wearing yellow power armor with a purple trim and fleur. His faceplate had two purple eyeballs painted on in the shape of diamonds.
"I am here. And forget power armor, I got a power suit now!" floating down from the ship, Boss touched down, coming in between the group, and standing up to show off his new suit. On him was a tight fitting dark purple suit of unknown material, small and thin hexagonal shapes patterning the suit. On the suit were plates of bright purple armor on the shoulder, arm, leg, chest and back region, the plates made of zinite, metal created by the zin. The plates also had electronics in them to connect with the suit, syncing with it and being powered to move, not to mention being adapted with the zin's own type of shield, the one C.I.D. units could deploy back in the simulation. On the hands and feet were bigger boots and gloves, wires glowing blue and purple visible, serving the purpose of giving the suit the actual powers. The helmet was designed to be dark purple, the shape being of a regular head-shape, with three points jutting out from back-top of the head, resembling the three points of a fleur. Encompassing the middle and base of the extensions was a bright, glowing purple visor, giving out suit readings to Boss. Finally, on the chest was a fleur glowing like the visor.
"Man, this thing is light. And comfortable, too!" Boss noted, rubbing the exposed bits.
From inside the ship, Kinzie talked with the Saints through the comms, being on tech support duty. "I still don't think it's practical, it may be lighter but there's still exposed bits to the suit. And why is there a suit anyways?"
One of the engineers, Zinny, raised a hand to his head and explained, "because the suit is made of ZNT, that's zinan nano tubes, artificial muscle fiber. Thing powers itself pretty much"
"That makes no sense" Kinzie shot back.
"Look, the atoms are in a hexagonal structure and stack together, forming tubes. The suit is made of those tubes basically. In those tubes are fuel cells. The suit acts like a mini reactor, taking in a atom from the air and splitting it, breaking the energy down into raw electricity and filling the trillions of fuel cells in the suit. A.K.A. powering itself"
"Alright, so I don't need to worry about this thing running out of power" Boss shortened.
"Yeah, it's the same principal for the other type of power armor, but those models just have one big fuel cell to power the entire thing. More vulnerable"
"Wait, are these things nuclear? I don't want to find out this thing is shrinking me!" A panicked Pierce said, covering his crotch.
Zinny shook his head. "No, ALL the energy is instantly processed, including the radiation, your fine"
"Oh thank god" Pierce sighed, wiping his forehead.
"But the exposed bits are still…exposed, aren't they?" Kinzie countered.
Zinny chuckled. "That stuff is about as hard as diamond, the zinite plates even stronger. Don't worry, it's fine"
"Wow, didn't know zin could get this much technology" Boss remarked, examining the suit more.
Zinny looked down. "We didn't; Zinyak had us steal all the technological secrets whenever we took over a races planet before destroying them. In fact most of our tech is stolen"
"Isn't that what we're doing now?" Matt asked.
Boss shrugged. "Hey, my people, my rules. And according to Zinny mass relays are more efficient than zin's version of FTL, but all the other technology in this universe is crap in comparison. By the way, what are you guys doing?"
Zinny held up a small handheld device with a handle and blue screen. "We're scanning the relay to get a internal reading on it. Doing that, we can synthesize our own version"
"So we're making our own mass relay" Gat surmised.
"Yep. Hard to imagine that's something this universe has tried since all the alien races first found them but could never do it. And we're about to succeed on our first try. Zin are awesome hands down"
All the Saints and zin chuckled as the zin got back to work, the Saints standing around doing…nothing, really.
"Damn, this is boring. I haven't killed something yet" Gat complained.
"Yeah" Boss agreed. "…Zinny, we're bored, so explain to me why this suit needs armor plates when it's already diamond hard?"
By this time the engineers had moved on to the other side of the relay, so he had to answer via comm. "Those plates house electronics that sync and connect with this suit. They have sensors in them to read out objects and enemies and get a good reading on them, and it also houses a shield generator"
"Like the ones the C.I.D. units can deploy?" Boss asked.
Zinny made a 'eeh' sound. "Sort of. It's a much smaller version, so the shields aren't as powerful. They won't drop, but you'll still receive a bit of damaged"
"But since I got so strong of armor…"
"Yeah, it'll most likely be barely damaged. Even if it is, we can repair any damage easily"
"Okay, and the gloves and boots?"
"It'd take me a couple of hours to explain that, so I'll just say it involves hydraulics and nano machines. And a whole bunch of power"
"Cool. Cool. What about the strength?"
"Should be the same as the older power armor, but you can-" a large rumble shook the relay, Zinny muttering, "ooh that is bad"
"What's going on Zinny?" Boss asked, signaling the Saints to ready their weapons.
"Ships just jumped through the relay, don't know the species. They're coming towards us" just like he was saying, three cruisers rounding towards them.
"They look like turian make. You guys better get ready. Boss, orders up here?" Kinzie requested.
Boss thought on this. On one hand the Fleur De Lis could prove to help them with the ships. On the other he didn't want to run the risk of the ship getting damaged and depriving them of a ride home.
In the end he radioed, "Kinzie, we got this. Go and get out of here, come back in about…I dunno, twenty minutes?"
"You sure Boss?" Kinzie asked. They may have had power armor now, but she didn't know if they could take on three cruisers full of turians.
"Don't worry, we'll be fine. Get out of here" Kinzie sighed before she complied, flying the ship away. At the same time dropships started swarming in from the cruisers, touching down on the mass relay and letting squads of turians out.
"Open comms boys and girls, let's hear what they got to say" Boss ordered, the Saints switching to open comms.
Immediately a gruff, flanged voice yelled out, "attention Saints! You have been found tampering with a mass relay, a direct violation of Council law! You are ordered to accept arrest and-" a laser to the helmet cut the turian off, and as his body floated off Boss lowered his steaming zin pistol and ordered, "kill these fools"
One of the turians equipped a rocket launcher, but a bullet trailing purple put him down. They looked up to see Ouroboros uncloaking, at the top of the relay, holding a strange version of the black widow sniper rifle, purple lights dotting it's surface, along with a fleur. This rifle had been modified with zin technology in order for the projectiles it fired to be faster than light, with the stopping power making it so one sniping wouldn't have to worry about wind resistance or distance. In short, the perfect sniper rifle.
One Boss had decide to name the purple widow. A name which caused many groans among the group when he named it.
"Sniper!" a turian yelled, and the concentrated their fire on him. However, he too had power armor, the armor being black with a neon green trim, two green vertical lines on the helmet and a green fleur on his chest. He hopped off and death from aboved the group, a large purple explosions scattering the troops.
The rest of the Saints super sprinted and fired at the turians while at the same time killing them with their bare hands, the enhanced strength and lack of gravity working in their favor.
The cruisers turrets unfolded and targeted the Saints, and Boss whistled. "Yo Zinny, how you doin!?" he asked/yelled while sprinting away from the barrage of bullets.
"Fine! We're all huddling from the gunfire, but fine!" Zinny yelled back. "You need something!? We're almost done with the scan!"
"Yeah I got ships blasting me with damn turrets, and I don't know what to do! Plasma blaster ain't even working!" try as Boss might, the blue balls of plasma firing from his hands wouldn't faze the turrets.
"Try ripping them out! They're meant to be cheaply attached! Quantity over quality!" Zinny advised.
Boss replied in a mocking tone, "yeah I'll just rip the giant turrets right off the ship! Zinny power armor at best lets us throw any dude in the air and punch a car away! We can't even lift cars with this armor, and I don't think telekinesis will be enough to rip them off! So I ask again, ideas!?"
Zinny grunted in frustration and added, "you didn't let me finish. Your suit is special in that the fuel cells powering you only give bare minimum power, the cells are always charged at about ten percent"
"Whatcha talkin' 'bout willis?"
"If you absorb excess power into the cells, it'll charge the batteries to full!"
"Which will do!?"
"Give you a giant boost in strength! You'll burn through your energy when you use it though, so use it sparingly!"
Boss grunted in affirmation, looking for a source of power. "I need power! Guys, ideas!?"
"Oh I don't know!" Zaeed yelled over the gunfire, punching a turian into space. "Try the giant spinning ball of mass effect energy in the middle of the relay!"
Boss looked up at the core of the relay and chuckled. "Oh yeah, forgot about that. Well here goes nothing" he held his arms out, and two tendrils of blue electricity went into each arm, lifting Boss up as he was charged.
"YEAH!" Boss screamed, touching back down as his ZNT undersuit arced with purple electricity. "Damn, I feel like I'm made of coffee! Let's try this strength out!"
Jumping to one of the cruisers, Boss grabbed one of the turrets and with one lift he ripped the turret right out the hull.
"Damn! More strength than I thought" punting the turret into space, Boss sprinted to the rest of the turrets, kicking them off the hull. Unfortunately his suit ran out of energy when he punted the last turret…off the first cruiser.
The comms flared to life as the captain of the first cruiser raised Boss. "Spirits, how did…who do you think you are!?" the captain screamed.
Boss shrugged. "Hey, you attacked us, this is self defense" Boss defended.
"Self defense!? You Saints are monsters for what you've done!"
"You know, it seems like cops and politics say that, but the citizens actually love us, look at the approval ratings" Boss countered.
"I don't care what you think of yourselves! All ships, open fire!" the other two ships guns swiveled to aim at Boss, and he threw his arms up.
"Your gonna blow yourself up, fool! What's wrong with you!?"
"I doubt it'll take the firepower to destroy a ship to kill you!" the captain shouted.
The other two ships guns started charging, but three Iron Saints performed a nuke death from above on the ship, causing it to explode. The same thing happened with the other ship.
"What in the hells!?" the turian captain said in disbelief, but countered by opening a panel in the front of the ship, a large gun extending out.
Boss turned around and tried to sprint away, but the gun fired and sent him flying towards the relay, spinning and screaming. He hit the side and flew down to the bottom, more electricity coming from the core into his hands. Boss jumped up and glided towards the ship, the gun firing again. However Boss twisted in the air and dodged the shell, flying directly through to the bridge, grabbing the captain by the head and slamming him through a wall and making a dent in another.
Shaking him, Boss demanded, "tell me who sent you!"
"Heh, heh…not that wise to insult the asari councilor and threaten the asari government. You mess with one council member, you mess with them all"
"Told that bitch what would happen if she crossed me…" Boss swore, tossing the captain to the ground. Sprinting, he left the ship, jumping back to the relay and meeting up with the rest of the Saints. Kinzie chose that time to pilot the ship back.
Boss got on the comms and ordered, "Kinzie, blow the ship! Now!"
"On it!" Kinzie said back, readying the thanix cannons on the ship and blasting the cruiser, causing it to be torn in half, the crew dying.
The Saints and zin gathered to the edge of the relay, Zinny reporting, "we completed the scan"
"Cool" Boss looked at him. "What now?"
"We need to go back to the crib, I need to set a few things up in the other universe. Give me awhile"
"Got it. Kinzie, pick us up"
Pierce looked at Shaundie. "Power armor. Guys, we have it made now! Ain't no-one can stop us now?"
"Wanna test that? The zin could probably make a giant soda robot. You could test it against that" Boss offered.
Pierce shied away. "I'm good, homie. Don't make them do that" the Saints laughed as the Fleur De Lis touched down, the airlock ramp opening, their cue to leave the relay.
"You don't find this weird?" Aaron asked as he watched Zinny work. He and Boss, who was out of his armor, were in the room with the gateway, both leaning on a wall as Zinny worked on a strange, circular black pad on the ground, boxed of supplies coming out. Zinny had devised a machine utilizing the teleportation technology of the zin to teleport supplies without having to go through the gateway, due to the vast time difference.
"Nah" Boss answered.
"So let me get this straight; asari religion's a lie?" Aaron asked. Once they had gotten back Boss had filled in Aaron on the asari's true origin.
"Pretty much" Boss confirmed. "I warned Tevos that I had that data, and was willing to go public. Yet here she is sending turians after me"
Aaron glanced at Boss. "So you gonna send it"
Boss thought for a minute, than shrugged. "Nah, I'll let this one off with a warning. That's data's more of a last resort thing, you know?" Zinny walked past them carrying a few boxes, Boss remarking, "wonder what he's gonna do with all them crates"
"Who knows?" Aaron questioned, before following Zinny, Boss in tow. They eventually found him in the Fleur De Lis, connecting some sort of contraption to the drive core, mostly a amalgamation of random machines.
"Um, Zinny? Your not blowing this thing up, are you?" Boss asked, gesturing to the core.
Zinny looked behind him. "Huh? No. The plan needed some adjustment due to the dimension time restraint. As we speak engineers in the alternate universe are forming a new and improved version of the mass relays. What I'm hooking up here is a device that acts as a one-way relay, jumping the ship to the destination you requested"
"Okay, and then?" Boss asked.
"I use this" Zinny held up a small, black cube, the device flashing purple lights. "Trust me, it'll work"
"And it does…what?" Aaron was pretty skeptical of the plan.
"Trust me" Boss assured. "It'll work. Orders?"
Boss turned to Aaron. "Gather the crew up, we're going"
Aaron nodded. "Well, I trust you Boss. You sure you know what you're doing?" to be honest, there were many holes in the plan, the main one being Aaron didn't know that many detail about the plan. Mostly where the ship was going and how they would get a mass relay to this dimension.
"It'll work, it'll work! Jeez, have faith"
Aaron shrugged his shoulders and went to gather the Saints, looking back at Boss over his shoulder. "Where are we going anyways?"
Boss smirked, looking up. "Dark space, homie. Way out of this galaxy"
All the main Saints had been spending a day in the Fleur De Lis FTL'd it's way into dark space. Mainly they spent that time watching the extra net, having Kiznie illegally download movies for them to watch, or at the bar. Right now was a combination of the three, all the Saints gathered around a projected image in the commons area of the ship, drinks in hand while they sat at benches.
"Okay wait, so a hanar became a spectre?" Boss incredulously asked.
"Yeah, he's a cop on the edge" Aaron explained.
They heard an explosion on screen and Matt did a spit take. "They took that scene from Nyteblade!" he argued.
When it got to the point where Blasto the hanar captured the prime suspect, a vorcha that had answers to a political murder, the hanar raised a tentacle clutching a pistol and killed the vorcha. Then his boss gave him a angry phone call.
"That's just dumb" Kinzie shook her head sadly. "The theme of 'a cop on the edge' is a cop that'll bend the rules to get answers, even though it's out of regs. He gets yelled at, threatened to get his badge taken, but then he solves the case and alls forgiven. This isn't anything like that! You don't just get the suspect, who was UNARMED, and go 'there's literally nothing you can do now to stop me from arresting you so we can get all the answers we need from you. I'ma kill you now'"
"This movie is dumb" Gat proclaimed.
Boss threw his arms up. "That tears it, movie nights over" Robert walked through a door and Boss asked, "we there yet homie?"
He shrugged. "Ask Zinny, he hooked that weird device up, and it threw the core off everywhere. So until we're there, I don't know"
"We are here" Zinny announced from the pilot's seat. As he said this the ship exited from FTL, nothing but blackness outside the windows. In one window they managed to see the Milky Way in all it's spinning glory.
"So why are we in the ass-end of nowhere again?" Aaron asked.
"Because, Zinny and I worked out a plan. We're teleporting the Zin Empire here"
"Cool. Wait, not cool. I'm confused, explain"
"'Member that cube?" Boss tried to remind.
"Yeah, but…there is now way" a awed Aaron proclaimed.
"Yep, once he activates it the entire Empire will be teleported to this region of empty space. As we speak the zin are constructing the two new and improved mass relays. Zin are gonna overhaul the ship so it can pull one of them as the other blasts us to Illium's mass relay. We'll just put it next to it"
"And if anyone tries to go through?" Kinzie asked.
Boss smirked. "Zinny took the reaper IFF and reverse-engineered it. Believe me, no-one's getting through zin encryption"
"Well whatcha waitin' for Playa? Activate that shit!" Ben encouraged.
Boss nodded and gave the go-ahead. Zinny in the cockpit pressed a button on the cube, the box glowing purple. Suddenly the black space glowed purple as the giant, black, gear-shaped mothership of the zin appeared, purple lights decorating it. The Fleur De Liz appeared on the inside, and the Saints immediately saw two familiar and large objects: mass relays, but gold in color with purple spinning cores.
"Hey, it worked!" Boss cheered. "Was afraid we'd blow up" when everyone stared at him he brushed it off, asking, "what's life without a li'l risk?" Aaron thumped him on the head for this.
Zin immediately appeared in the ship, tearing apart and making modifications to it. "So, what exactly are they doing?" Robert asked. "Because I can't work with brand new technology like that"
"Relax, they'll show you the basics" Boss assured. "They're just making the ship better. And awesome. At least more than it already is. Mostly just giving it a shield and speed boost, and new guns. You'll see what I mean"
"Sir? I have brought you someone" Boss turned around to see Zinny with another zin. And a strange one at that. This zin was even lankier than the strange 'hunter zin' Boss had encountered when he was fighting him, skinnier zin in black armor that could super jump and sprint using their own biology. What's more this zin had long, black dreadlocks, with all his spikes removed. And a long, purple robe with the sleeves going past the hands. And his smile. It seemed like he never stopped smiling.
"Who's this?" Boss demanded.
"Well, the ship since it's getting new zin tech, and your busy all the time, I got a zin co-pilot for you, to handle the technical stuff while you steer. His name is Zinkle"
"Wassup, mi brotha?" Zinkle asked, raising a hand. Boss sighed, the zin had a Jamaican accent.
"Yeah, Zinkle here was part of a science experiment Zinyak had, he fried his brains with drugs trying to make a super-intelligent zin. Side effect was a photographic memory and a peace-loving attitude"
"So this guy is our pilot?" Boss poked Zinkle, making him giggle.
"Hey may not seem like it, but he's the best at piloting. You'll need him"
"Don't worry mon, mi pilotin' skillz is the shizzle, ya feel me?"
Boss gave Zinkle a queer look. "Zinny, I'm gonna trust you on this. Zinkle, go and…get familiar with the ship I guess"
"Mi pleasure, Boss mon" with that, Zinkle skipped off.
Zinny sighed. "It's not his fault he's like that, he used to be a average soldier zin until Zinyak pumped the poor guy with all those drugs. You could get high off his blood"
"Damn shame" Boss lowered his head. "Look, go and get the preparations for the relays ready. I need to do something" Zinny nodded and ran off. Boss heard footsteps and turned around to meet the gazes of his Saints.
They all had smiles on their faces. From a common street gang to the best gang in a different galaxy, Boss had managed to take the Saints to the top, and now nothing stood in their way.
Boss looked straight ant Kinzie. "Get in touch with our mutual friend. We're sending a message"
"Augh, I hate that guy. Or girl. Whatever" Kinzie grumbled, turning her omni-tool on while linking with Boss's.
Sleeping on a dusty couch was the masked figure of Binary, snoring away, still fully clothed with his/her mask. However a beep at his/her laptop beeped, causing the figure to tumble out of the couch and shoot up, answering the message.
':/. \/\/|-|4t?' appeared blue text on the chat board.
'Dude, can you please stop talking like that? I can barely read that shit' the purple text of Boss said.
':/…fine. Whadya want?'
'Can you do us a solid?'
'On top of the free and the not-so-free solid I already did for you dudes? Meh, sure. What?'
'How hard would it be to hack into every viewing monitor in the Citadel?'
'Give me a second…you gots a video link on your Omni-tool?'
'Yeah, so whatever I record will show up?'
'Yeps, yo' live in twenty'
'Shit, thanks. Who are you anyways?'
'Do me that favor you owe and you'll know. ;)'
Boss sighed as he readied his Omni-tool. "Man, that dude is something"
"What are you doing?" Aaron asked.
"Aaron, I'm gonna show the galaxy your still alive, your big unveil! And also the announcement that the zin are here, they'll find out eventually anyways"
Aaron hummed. "That a good idea?"
Boss shrugged. "It's done, so might as well" Boss wanted the galaxy to know the Saints weren't to be messed with. Sure, some people still would, but it was nice to try. So with that, Boss and Aaron got in position.
Tevos rubbed her forehead as she stood at her podium with the other councilors, going through the usual tasks of listening to bureaucrats and politics and whatnot. What concerned her was she didn't hear from the turian task force Sparatus had leant her, and he'd want an explanation. Unfortunately that explanation would be 'street gangsters killed them'. And she didn't look forward to that conversation.
Suddenly every screen in the Citadel turned to a image of Boss, crossing his arms while Kinzie off camera recorded.
"Yo, galaxy" Boss greeted. "As you may or may not know, I'm the leader of the Saints, that best gang in the entire galaxy. Recently a bunch of military groups had tried to kill us! Well quit it, cause it's getting old. Now as you may know, we have recently taken control of Illium. That is correct, and seeing as it's ours now, I declare all Saints property outside council jurisdiction. Now, I'd like to bring out a very special guest!"
The entire Citadel gasped at what they saw. He looked different, but the form of Aaron walked over and stood next to Boss. "Now, I don't know if Shepard covered this up, but there was a suicide mission through the Omega-4 relay, where we wiped out the collectors. Yes, they exist. Well, not anymore. Anyway, he left Aaron here for dead!"
"Dick move by the way, Shepard" Aaron cursed.
"Well turns out Aaron didn't die" Boss continued, "and is now officially my second in command. And these guys…!"
The citizens of the Citadel squinted in confusion as they saw zin working in the Fleur De Lis. "These bad boys are the zin" Boss explained. "They're basically a advanced race of aliens that have better technology than every other race. And I ripped their emperor's head off, so now they do whatever I want. So yeah, Saints now have the best technology in the world. So I just want to say this" he got in closer to the camera. "Anyone messes with us, they're dead. You have no chance of winning. No, we don't want to take the galaxy over…much. Just the criminal part, we're a street gang, we need to expand. Just leave us alone, we leave you alone. Except the underground world, we're taking all of you guys over. Anyway, I got a new badass ship to look over and a mass relay to haul. Yeah, we reversed engineered them in the course of a hour, go figure. So, bye, and seeya" before the video Boss added quickly, "oh and we were the ones who shot the Councilor's that one time!" with that, the video cut off, and the extranet was immediately abuzz with the news of the Saints as the galaxy lit up with this news.
Boss sighed happily as the video cut, and looked out a window to see the Milky Way.
Aaron stepped next to him. "Second in command?"
"Yep, can't find anyone more deserving"
"Thanks, homie"
Boss chuckled. "Don't mention it, homes. You think the speech was a bit long?"
"Nah, you were good. I mean, you did just reveal everything to the galaxy-"
"Hey, we're Saints. We take any shit they throw at us head on, we can take it"
"I guess"
Boss crossed his arms. "An entire galaxy of opportunity, Aaron. Think about it"
"You realize your lazy ass is just gonna get the lower Saint gang members to take the galaxy over, right?"
Boss laughed. "Heh, yeah. But we insure them! I put a new policy in, Saint members get life insurance for family members. We're working on dental" Aaron barked a laugh out. "Seriously though, sure we'll be doing important stuff. Just watch, it's a big galaxy" saying those words, Boss turned around, walking to the Saints. "Now let's get to work"
A/N- And so it begins! Saints are in business, and galaxy is so not prepared. Anyway, the poll shall be up when this posts detailing the mission-type deals the Saints will be going on, basically you all get to decide what order they come out in. I know I'll have to move the story a bit, but it'll work, trust me. For a example, I'll write one next chapter while ya'll vote. Let's just say the Saints are going on a heist!
And here's the bonus. I promise this one is legit, no funny business.
MASS MISCALCULATION
Episode 2.5- David vs. David
Keith David sighed as the ship dropped him off. The galaxy was in outrage due to the revelation of the zin, and they wanted answers from a Saint.
And it was voted he would represent the Saints.
So, wearing a gray suit, Keith was escorted by two turian C-sec members to the Council chamber, the councilors staring him down.
"Greetings, Councilors" David greeted. Everyone tilted their heads back. He sounded just like Councilor Anderson.
"Um, greetings" Anderson said uneasily.
Tevos started off. "You have been summoned before the Galactic Council for your multiple violations of Council law"
Keith David frowned. "I'm sorry, but I wasn't aware that the Saints violated any laws"
Sparatus slammed his fist down. "Not violated any laws!? I won't even bother to name the minor violations, like wholesale slaughter of military personnel, and harboring a terrorist to Council security! You have been taking over Council-owned property and claiming them for yourselves"
"Not to mention concealing an entire new race and fooling them to think you're their emperors" Valern added. Keith chuckled. They didn't know Boss actually was the Emperor.
"Yes, back on that topic, you have no right to hide an entire race from the Council! They deserve a place on the galactic community, not blindly serving cretins like you!"
"I think you misunderstand" Keith tried to correct. "The Saints are in no way affiliated with any human or alien government whatsoever, we are our own government, so taking over Illium isn't technically breaking the law since we don't follow your law. Furthermore the zin serve us by choice, their new Emperor killed the old one in fair combat, and with him making laws that they don't have to bow to his every whim and that they have a choice to serve in the military or not, they prefer him to the old one" he glared at Sparatus. "Unlike some races who force their children to join the military"
Sparatus glared at Anderson. "You insolent-!" he immediately corrected himself. "My apologies, you sound like him, I thought-"
"First Julius, now Anderson. This shit gets old fast" Keith complained.
Valern picked the conversation up, "there's still the matter of the…'zin' technology, and the fact they are advanced enough to reverse-engineer a mass relay perfectly. The galaxy has been striving for that technology since their discovery, surely you wouldn't keep that technology for yourselves?"
Keith shrugged. "The matter of their technology is up to Emperor Boss. And he ain't sharing"
At this point Sparatus had had enough. It was time to end this. "The accusations, which you have confirmed, are enough to go to war with the Saints. Would you really waste that much life to keep technology the galaxy desperately needs to yourselves!"
"Yes" Keith answered.
"Than you have made your choice. Council, I say we decide on whether or not to go to war with them or not" Anderson proposed.
Tevos's eyes widened and looked at Anderson. "Mr. David, how did you- oh, Councilor Anderson. My mistake" Anderson grumbled under his breath.
"Agreed" the Councilors said in unison on the decision on making a decision for war or not.
Before they started, Keith tapped his wrist while looking at Tevos, reminding her of the data the Saints had. "I vote…we abstain from war" Tevos begrudgingly said.
"What!? Why?" Sparatus asked.
"The zin technology is an unknown, we don't know of it's capabilities. It's too dangerous"
"She's right" Keith said, bringing his purple omni-tool up. "I'd like to show you something" a recording of a lifeless planet came up. "The zin are in possession of a weapon called the PAC- Planetary Atomizer Cannon. It is a weapon capable of firing a beam which can split every atom within a planets atmosphere. In short, we have a planet-killer" like he said, the planet blew up, much like Saint Earth did.
"It's obviously a fabrication!" Sparatus claimed.
Valern had gulped. In truth, the salarians had tried to develop a weapon using the same principles, but never could. If they had one…
"I abstain from war" Valern announced.
Fuming, Sparatus yelled "you all are too afraid of them! They are criminals! Gangsters! Urchins! What possible threat could they hold! I say we go to war!"
"Wanna rethink that?" Keith asked. Sparatus's blood ran cold as a figure de-cloaked behind him. It was Ouroboros in his power armor, holding a zin pistol to his head.
"You dare…" Sparatus spat. A bullet pinged off Ouro's helmet, the Councilor's and sniper's gasping at the armor and how it hadn't taken a single scratch.
"Like I said…" Keith's cloths were ripped as his own power armor unfilded and fitted over his very being. The zin had made their armors collapsible into vests, so they could carry them anywhere. As the helmet clicked into place, they saw his armor was standard gray with a white trim and fleur, the old zin symbol in white on the visor.
"Councilors, I think it's time I've taken my leave" Keith announced as a few bullets pinged off of him. "I trust you'll make the right decision" with that, he and Ouro sprinted to the large window behind them and jumped out. When the councilor's looked over the edge, they saw they had landed on the Fleur De Lis, and could only watch as the ship soared away.
"Anderson!" Sparatus screamed at the ship.
"Um…" the real Anderson pointed out.
"Spirits, I mean Keith" he focused on Anderson. "I assume you won't go to war?"
"Their armor does seem strong. If they have roughly the same powers as Aaron, I don't want to think the devastation they can cause. So no"
Sparatus sighed, tapping a talon on his podium. These Saints had made a mockery of the Council and all it stood for, even insulting the turian government. They wouldn't get away with it, he would make sure.
"I'm going to need more ships" he whispered to himself, then took his leave from the other Councilors.
A/N- well hopefully that makes up for the last bonus. Again, sorry for that.
Remember to vote! Remember to review! Got suggestions? Criticisms? OC's? A fan mission? Put them right in that comment section, or PM!
Cya all for next chapter!
