A/N- Didn't expect to see me today huh? Well 'tis the season, since it's Christmas, I present to you, my loyal fans… the 'Mass Miscalculation Christmas Special!'. Not really having anything to do with the missions, but consider this canon, while at the same time taking a short break from the storyline, now, may I present…
MASS MISCALCULATION
Episode 22- The three Saints of Christmas
The Saints, having controlled Illium, decided to do something festive; due to Earth being in the holidays, the Saints, using zin technology, decided to place weather machines throughout the planet, creating a fresh, white blanket of snowy goodness, turning the planet into a winter wonderland.
The aliens didn't really understand Christmas, but the humans, they were overjoyed. The inhabitants of the planet were in the Christmas spirit, children playing in the snow and making snow men while couples were walking through the wonderland, enjoying the paradise, especially the Saints.
All except Boss, who glumly walked down the streets, watching the mirth of the people around him, even some aliens. Turning a street corner, he saw a department store santa being beat up by two turians. Boss whipped out a pistol and shot them, the santa getting up and running to Boss as he skulked off.
"Ho ho ho, sir! Merry Christmas! Thank you for helping me-ooohhh…!" the santa sank to the ground, holding his crotch as Boss quickly turned around and punched him in the family jewels.
Coming across a crowd of carolers, Boss grew annoyed and was tempted to throw a grenade at them, but sighed and just pocketed the device, and walked back to the penthouse, passing by all the people with bells and charity donation buckets.
"There, done! Boss'll love it!" Aaron pronounced. He had just finished setting up a Christmas tree, complete with fleur ornaments and a purple star on top. And grape candy canes.
"We're proud of ya, Aaron. Plus I hanged the stockings!" Pierce said, pointing to a poorly placed set of purple stockings. Half of the falling off the wall. Shaundie smacked him on the head for this.
"Damnit, Pierce!" she shouted, "we're trying to make Boss happy for once on Christmas! Your shitty work isn't gonna make him happy, if anything it'll make him worse"
"Whoa whoa whoa, wait up here, are you saying Boss doesn't like Christmas!?" Kasumi asked as she was in the middle of eating a gingerbread man. She couldn't comprehend a man not liking Christmas.
All eyes turned to Aaron, who sighed. "It's true" he admitted, "ever since I've known him he was never happy at Christmas. He spent one holiday going on a murder spree and killing department store santa's and set a mall on fire" everyone winced.
"Why? What'd Christmas ever do to him?" Ouro asked, while licking a giant candy cane.
"I dunno, he never told me" Aaron admitted. The elevator dinged and everyone hid as the door open, Boss walking in.
"Surprise!" everyone yelled, jumping out at Boss, who was slowly starting to scowl.
"Merry Christmas!" Aaron proclaimed.
"We know you don't like the holidays Playa, so Aaron and all us whipped up the pad to look festive. Cool, huh?" Ben asked. Indeed, the pad was decked out with festive greens and reds, decorations dotting everything, with a big ten foot Saints Christmas tree in the middle.
Everyone waited for a response, hoping for something happy, but didn't expect him to yell out, "the hell is your problems, hanging up festive shit like this!? Who the hell do you think we are!?"
Everyone flinched. "We just wanted to make you happy…" Kinzie muttered.
"Well I don't want to be happy, okay!? We are stone cold gangsters! We don't have time for 'cheer' and 'happiness' and all that fuckery! So ge the hell out of my face, I had a long time strangling department santas and kicking them in the nards, I need a nap"
"…It's like eight-thirty at night" Keith pointed out.
"Then I'm goin' to bed!" with that, Boss stormed off, slamming the door to his room behind him. By that he waited until it swished closed and banged on it repeatedly.
Everyone sighed in defeat. "Well that failed. Guess we don't need this" Zimos said, dragging a rubber sex doll dressed as a elf away.
"I honestly thought that would work…" a dejected Aaron said, slumping his shoulders. Matt put a hand on his shoulder.
"Cheer up, chap. I'm sure he'll come around in the morning. It's Christmas tomorrow, after all"
Aaron walked off without saying anything. "I guess. I just don't know anymore…"
Slumping, Aaron walked off sadly. The room was silent until Pierce blurted out, "bummer,"
This caused him to be pelted with candy canes.
In the middle of the night, a disturbed Boss was tossing and turning in his bed, wearing a full set of purple pajamas with golden fleurs on it, without his sunglasses. He was suddenly awoken when he heard the sound of rattling chains. He got up and shouted, "who's there!?"
His question was answered when the door to his room opened, a ghostly figure flying towards him.
Boss screamed as a ghost version of Aaron, only glowing a ethereal greenish/mint color, and covered in chains. The ghost version of Aaron was screaming to.
That is until Ghost Aaron coughed. "Aaaah man! These chains are heavy!" as he said this he hovered above the bed, tugging at the chains.
Boss, who was freaking out, backed up to the end of the bed. "Who the hell are you!? What the hell, Aaron!? What happened man!?"
Aaron laughed, waving his hands. "Dude, dude, I ain't dead. Probably. And I'm not Aaron"
"You…you're not?" Boss lowered himself from the bed post, and slowly reached under the sheets.
"Dude, I'm a ghost, a gun ain't gonna do jack to-" despite the Ghost's protest, Boss fired a zin pistol at him, the lasers going right through. "Exactly my point"
"Man…" Boss threw the pistol away. "You really are a ghost. Why are you here, and why do you look like Aaron?"
The ghost chuckled. "Kid, we've been doing this for awhile, usually if we match the looks and personalities of people you most know and trust this makes it easier"
"Make what easier?"
Aaron sighed, throwing his head back. "You never watched Christmas specials as a kid, did you? Okay, here's the deal…" he took his sunglasses off, his visage growing three times bigger and eyes glowing white as Boss cowered at the back of the bed. "You, Boss, have been especially cruel this Christmas, and hath lost the way of the true spirit of Christmas! Tonight you shall be visited by three ghosts, and in there time- oh forget it" the ghost reverted to it's original form, re-donning it's sunglasses. "Look, I've been doing this for hundreds of years, this shit gets old after awhile, so here's the gist of it; there gonna be three ghosts coming here, they're gonna show you a fantastic journey of self discovery, just wait for them, okay?"
Boss shakily nodded as Ghost Aaron floated away. "Oh, and one more thing! Don't fall asleep, I'm pretty sure we may have accidentally given you a concussion when we went into your mind! Just a heads up!"
"Wait, what?" at that moment, the Ghost floated away, Boss pacing around. "Well, damn. Damn damn damn. Looks like my Christmas is ruined, gotta wait for three ugly-ass ghosts, probably gonna be more uglier than that guy was, with all the chains, the…chains! What the fuck gives these guys the right to do this anyways?"
"I'll tell you!" Boss turned around as a large, white flash exploded, revealing a floating ghost in the visage of Kinzie in a large, baby blue dress with white fleurs on it patterned like snowflakes. "I am the ghost of Christmas- how come you aren't shaking or cowering or anything right now, the ghost of Christmas past is literally right in front of you"
Boss shrugged. "Meh, after the last guy, it's pretty hard to surprise me with ghosts now. So why are you here, metaphorical visage of Kinzie?"
"I am here, to show you that once a long time ago, you once knew the joy of Christmas, and the innocence you once showed upon the world…well during your childhood at least. Like, really early childhood, you have one messed up childhood mister. Now grab my hand"
She reached her hand out, but Boss looked at it quizzically. "I look like some kind of burnt out gimp to you?"
The Ghost of Christmas Past sighed. "Fine, have it your way" she flung her hand forward and grabbed Boss's face, much to his protest, and flew him out of the room, flying into space, Boss screaming into her hand.
They flew directly into a mass relay and warped through it, the pair going at FTL speeds while Past worked her Christmas magic using a magic wand, a black stick with a purple fleur at the end. They arrived on Earth, the pair flying down into a city as Past flung Boss, the leader of the Saints spinning through the air.
As he was screaming he hit the ground, doing involuntary cartwheels until he hit a brick wall, making a human indent and falling into the snow.
"That was utter fucking bullshit!" he whispered/yelled as he picked himself up.
"Language, young man" Past said, materializing in front of Boss, who was fuming at her.
"Okay, first of all! Warn me next time you grab my damn face and drag me across the galaxy in the span of ten seconds before hurtling me into a wall. Second! You sound nothing like Kinzie, you sound like some stuck up bitch who has way too much time on her hands! Where are we anyways, and how am I not dead!?"
"Look around" Past instructed, gesturing him to look at the city they landed in.
"'Look around', yeah I'll look around you- holy…" Boss ad no words for what he was seeing. Instead of a futuristic city, he was looking at a modern-day city, Stillwater, and nowhere near technologically advanced as the universe he was just in.
"Surprised?" Past asked, a smirk gracing her lips.
Boss had no words. It all looked so old, the street dumpsters, the broken street lights, the pollution in the air, a frozen dead body in the alleyway…it looked like home. "How? Where-?" he asked.
"Technically it's a matter of 'when'" Past interrupted. "Technically, using my ghost abilities, I have taken us through your mind into your memories, to a time where even you were innocent"
"Cool…wait don't I have a concussion from you weirdoes doing this?"
"Sh-sh-sh-sh! Look!" Past urged, pointing to a musky-looking window connected to a small brick house.
Boss humored her and walked to the window, peering in, and couldn't believe his eyes, gasping as he looked.
Inside the house was a shoddy-at-best Christmas tree, bent with no ornaments, with a snuffed out fireplace. Inside was a small black child, about four years old, with a black afro with a purple sheen bigger than his head, sitting on the ground unwrapping one of the two presents under the tree.
"Damn, it's me when I was a children…" Boss whispered.
Ghost Kinzie smiled. "Yes, even in a broken neighborhood with a broken family, you saw the joy in Christmas"
Li'l Boss opened his first gift, which was from his Mom. "Alright!" Tiny Boss called, holding up an object. "A movie starring Burt Reynolds! Thanks, Mom!"
A average-looking woman with dark skin and purple eyes smiled warmly. "Your welcome" she frowned at the man, a average-looking old dark-skinned man with a pure black afro. "What'd you get him, Murry?"
Murry, Boss's Dad, snorted. "I got him what he needs. Open the gift, kiddo"
Past Boss eagerly opened his gift, but what he found inside was…disturbing. It was a bottle of scotch.
"Murry!" Boss's Mama smacked his Dad upside the head. What in the world is wrong with you, giving our four-year-old baby alcohol! Are you insane upside the head!?"
"Rochelle, the kid's a disaster, he barely passes his classes not to mention is a greedy brat"
"He's four and in kindergarten!" Rochelle argued.
"Meh, whatever" Murry snatched the bottle from a young Boss, who had tears in his eyes. "If your not gonna drink it, I will. Merry Christmas, squirt" with that, he started chugging the bottle down.
Current Boss moved away from the window. "Man, I forgot about my old folks. Dad was a dick, but Mom…she was the only one that ever cared for me in that house"
"And it was the love of your mother that held your Christmas spirit alive. But it all ended on that faithful Christmas…" time moved forward as they shifted to the future. The city was scummier, and the brick house had seen better days.
Looking through the window, Boss saw a older version of himself, back when he was highschool. And before he got a dorm with Aaron. It was a bad city, so the school had open dorms for those with no homes. They were lucky the mayor actually cared for the school system at the time, and had a large budget.
In his old room, young Boss sighed as he sat on a old bed with springs poking out, looking at the Burt Reynolds DVD he had gotten for Christmas so many years ago. His Dad Murry than walked in, his leg showing a limp, his afro shorter and grayer.
"Your still here?" he spat, gesturing to Boss.
"Yeah, I'm leaving" Boss muttered, putting the DVD in a bag and hefting it on his shoulder. "I'm going to Aaron's, and I'm staying. Once Christmas break is over I'm staying at the school"
"You unappreciative brat" Murry spat. Boss grunted out an expletive, than went to the door entrance. "It's your fault she died, you know!" Murry said.
Boss immediately turned around and decked his old man. "I wasn't the one drunk behind the wheel, old man. Hope to never see you again" saying this, Boss walked out of the room, leaving the house.
Present Boss sighed, banging his head against the window. "Hard to believe he died the next day" he muttered. "Didn't know he'd sink into drugs"
"And ever since then, you've held a bitter grudge against Christmas, as it was the day your family crumbled"
"Okay, we went to the past, we looked at what I already knew. The hell did this do again?" a agitated Boss demanded, rounding up on Past. If this was supposed to help with his Christmas spirit, he wasn't seeing it, in fact if anything reminding him of what happened only made things worse.
"All will not be revealed yet. For you see-" she was interrupted as a portal of black energy opened, small creatures scurrying out. The creatures were in bloodied elves costumes, looking like demonic versions of four-year-old Boss.
"The hell are those!?" Boss shouted, backing against the wall.
Past huffed. "There's more than us three ghosts too, you know. There's demons too. More specifically the demons of your past"
"Okay, cheesy metaphorical message reflecting on my inner psyche aside, how the hell do I kill them!?"
"Here, use these!" Past tossed Boss a pair of purple striped candy canes.
"What am I supposed to do with this, make them sticky? I can't kill demons with candy!"
Past face-palmed, getting a third one out and holding it like a gun. "Hold them like this" she instructed.
Boss scoffed. "Okay, but I'm seriously doubting the-" his words were taken from his mouth when he held the two candy canes like guns, a purple laser shooting out of each, causing a demon to explode if it hit them. "Oh. Okay, sweet!" Boss fired his candy canes in rapid succession while running and avoiding the Boss imps, Past sucking on a candy cane as she watched.
After about five minutes, the imps were gone. "Phew! Alright, what now?" Boss asked, eating his guns.
"Now I return you to your realm, outside of your mind. You will be visited by the second ghost of Christmas Present. I return you now; prepare yourself"
"Again, worst impression of Kinzie ever. It's like your not even her, ergo your acting skills suck" once Boss said this, Past kicked him in the face, causing him to fly into the air as a glowing-white portal opened, sucking him into it.
Boss sat up in his bed, wincing as he held his head. "Damn, that was one trippy dream" Boss stretched and got out of bed, walking to the door. However he was halted when a big, yellow flash resonated behind him. "Son of a bitch, it wasn't a dream…" turning around, he saw what looked like Pierce, but in a white tunic with a green sash, wearing sandals.
"Yo dawg, I'm the ghost of Christmas Present. Holla at me now" he held a hand out, and Boss high-fived it.
"Okay, this! This is what acting is! If anything your better than the real Pierce! The last ghost sucked at acting"
Present's face turned sour. "Oh. Her. Yeah homie, we hate her, stuck up bitch never gets into the role! What's the point of making these disguises if your not going to commit!?"
"Good to see I'm not the only one hatin' her…"
"Yeah, and the whole 'warp into your mind thing', she does the exact damn thing every time, she never gets original. At least I mix it up! Anyway…" he touched Boss's forehead, causing Boss to become ghost-like, his visage turning ghostly and see-through. "Okay, now we can walk around like ghosts, I'm gonna show you what your home boys are doing right now. C'mon" Present walked through a wall, Boss following. They kept walking until they reached the room the Saints had decorated for Boss, said leader rounding up on Present.
"Look man, I appreciate your trying to help and everything, but I don't see how showing me the present's gonna help with anything"
"Just humor me and look over there" Pierce pointed in a direction, Boss following his gaze, his eyes widening in shock. Aaron, real Pierce, Shaundie, and Kinzie were around a big, purple box.
"To think we put an entire week into this thing…I don't even think he'll notice it" Aaron mumbled. Kinzie put a supportive hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, cheer up! He'll probably notice it. Maybe"
Shaundie sighed. "I don't think so. I need some damn eggnog" she trudged off, Pierce wallowing after her.
"They put an entire week into a present…for me?" A disbelieving Boss asked, rubbing his eyes.
Present nodded. "Yeah, your dickery ways during Christmas what with the depression and the uncaring attitude, it saps away everyone else's spirit, especially his. Every year he tried to make you happy, and you shot him down. And now look, your bumming your entire gang out. Look bro, do you want them happy?"
"Of course I do! They're basically my family, why wouldn't I want them to be happy?"
"Well, start by being damn cheerful. You bring them down constantly, and then they work to try to make YOU happy only for them to shoot you down, which makes them more sad! Counterintuitive is what it is!"
Boss looked down, crestfallen. "Your…your right. They've done everything for me, and every Christmas what do I do? Bring them down with me"
Present put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, you got to let go of the past. Only then will you rediscover your Christmas spirit"
Boss nodded, and the revelation caused another black portal to open, more Boss imps coming out.
"Hang on, I got this" Pierce took out a white can of Saints Flow, opening it and drinking it. A yellow ball of energy formed in his hand, and he shot out a giant laser, destroying all the imps and the portal.
"…Anyone feel a draft?" Aaron asked.
"Man, you are so much cooler than the last ghost. And Pierce"
"Hah, thanks man. Okay, we got one more ghost coming, I gotta send you back"
"Alright. Goodbye ghost of Christmas present, I'll never forget you"
Present smirked. "Same here dude. Boop" he touched Boss's forehead and it caused him to revert to normal, and go back into his room.
Pacing back and forth, Boss had been waiting for a half hour for the last ghost, sighing in agitation. "Man, where the hell is the dude!? It's been half a hour, damn…" finally, a green flash appeared, a figure in a black robe and hood appearing.
Boss's face sunk. "Um, you look more like the Grim Reaper than a ghost. Damnit I fell asleep didn't I?"
After a long pause, the robed figure ripped the robe off, revealing a ghost that resembled Johnny but was laced with cybernetic parts all around his body, the left side of his face being metal, a purple light replacing his eye.
"Yeah, I'm the ghost of Christmas Future. Sorry 'bout the robe, just came back from a different job, had to scare a guy near-death. Anyway, let's hit the road"
"No explanation or anything? Can I at least say something?"
"Nope" Future clapped his hands together, causing the room to shift into a graveyard. "Okay, welcome to ten years in the future, where absolutely nothing changes because society hasn't made much progress in this world conveniently. Anyway, you need to see that"
Boss turned around as Present made him a ghost again, seeing the Saints huddled around a grave. Boss walked over to the grave and was horrified to see he wasn't there, and that a heavily vine-infested grave read 'Boss'.
"Oh no! I'm seriously gonna die of a lack of Christmas spirit!?" Boss didn't understand this. Would this truly kill him.
"What? No, your over there dumbass" Gat pointed to a car that just pulled up, future Boss running out with some flowers.
"Sorry I was late, flower shop was closed, I was running everywhere to find these!" he said.
"Okay, okay, just place them on the grave" Aaron of the future urged. Boss of the future nodded and put them on the grave, huffing.
"Where did all these vines come from? Seriously, it's like the groundskeepers here can't do anything right" he pulled the vines away, revealing the full name on the grave; Bossolana'Tro.
As the future Saints bowed their head in prayer, Boss rounded on Future. "Okay, who the hell's that?"
Walking over to the grave, Future explained, "okay so this guy was your volus accountant, but due to your Christmas hate and killing department santas, you caused the vengeful daughter of one santas to try to find you. She only made it as far as your accountant"
"And I care because?"
"Because you blew the Saints fund on the stock market, fool, and this guy helped you out of your financial crisis while the gang earned the money back. Well in the future your gonna do something stupid with money again and the gang will have to lay half it's members off while at the same time giving up half the territory just to pay asari lawyers off. Plus you're street cred will be for reals ruined, so there's that too"
Boss stared back at the grave. "Your telling me the gang is going to suffer if I don't get my Christmas sprit back?"
Future nodded. "Yep"
"Well damn, that sounds serious. But how can I find the spirit, you're the last ghost and all you did was tell me what's going to happen in the future if I don't get the spirit back"
Future pointed to a black portal opening. "Maybe that'll help"
"Oh not this shit again…" Boss swore, wishing he hadn't eaten his guns. However, instead of a swarm of imps running out, one just ran out, seemingly in terror. However a larger figure ran out, crushing it under it's foot. The new figure looked exactly like Boss, only he wore a blood red suit, his afro was on fire, pointed teeth and ears, red eyes, and claws.
"Well well well" Demon Boss spoke it a distorted voice, "look who we have here, the weakling part of this mind"
"Who the hell is that!?" Boss raised his fists while Future shrugged.
"Dunno, must be some manifestation of your hate for Christmas or some shit, might wanna kill him, use this" Future snapped his fingers, causing Boss to be engulfed in a purple light. When the light dissipated, he was wearing his power suit.
"You think some suit can save you from me? Dream on" Demon Boss scoffed, throwing a ball of red fire at Boss. Boss deflected the fire, sending it back at Demon Boss.
"It's because off you I hate Christmas! Well apparently that hates been bringing my crew down, which means I gotta bring it up, and the only way to do that is to get into the Christmas flow! Can't do that with you in the picture!" invigorated by his own words, Boss sprinted towards Demon Boss, who sidestepped him and smacked him to the ground, punting him away.
"You can't beat me, you know" Demon Boss sneered, rounding in on Boss. "Just admit you lost so we can get back to the norm here, pal"
Boss got up, looking at his hands. "Damn, guys too strong. Yo Gat ghost!"
"Yeah?" Future asked, who was currently leaning against a grave.
"I need power, you got some?"
"Dude, we're in the future, everything is made of electricity here or connected to a giant power grid" to empathize his point, Gat pointed towards a street light.
Boss smacked himself on the head. "Oh. Yeah, I knew that" purple electricity was absorbed into Boss as the suit powered to it's full potential, Boss chuckling as he smashed into Demon Boss, grabbing him by his foot and smashing him into the ground, stomping, electrocuting, burning, stomping, punching, and throwing the doppelganger.
Throwing him through a grave, Boss yelled after him, "where's all that smack talk now, huh!?"
Demon Boss shakily got up, going towards Boss in a drunken manner. "You…you can't beat me! I'm the number one! I'm the original! I'm-" Demon Boss was cut off as a giant, green, ghostly sleigh wrapped in chains dropped from the sky, skeletal ghost reindeer being chained at the front, the fake ghost Aaron getting out.
"Damn, he was annoying. Anyway, guys, come out" Future walked over to ghost Aaron, Past and Present materializing with them.
Boss stuttered and sputtered a bit, doing a series of double takes before finally asking, "what?"
"Oh, well you conjured your hate for Christmas by showing you were stronger, but since he's a part of your mind it would have been impossible for you to kill him even though your better, so I showed up and crushed him"
"Well that's good and dandy, but…" Boss looked down, sighing, "I don't see how this gets me my Christmas spirit"
Past smiled, "you see-"
"I don't want to hear it from you, bitch!" Boss yelled. "Present, tell it"
Present Pierce smirked. "Okay, instead of the cheesy spew Past was about to lay down, I'm gonna say this; you had the spirit within you all along, your past just clouded it, but if you look into the pain your gang has suffered because of you your gonna feel a need to make them feel good in time for Christmas, rekindling your spirit- your getting this, right?"
Boss nodded, holding a fist up. "Yeah, I got it! Christmas means I gotta keep the morale of the gang up, and if I bring them down that won't help them at all! So in term of getting my Christmas spirit back I gotta get theirs back!"
"Yo, you got it" ghost Aaron said, opening a white portal behind Boss. "Okay, you got the means, you got the will, you got all ya need, go now. Spread some damn cheer"
"Okay! Wait, one more thing" Boss reached over and ripped a headstone from the ground, throwing it at past and knocking her out. "Bitch" he muttered before stepping through the portal, the other ghosts snickering at her demise.
Boss gasped as he sat up in his bed, back to his pajamas. He looked out the window and ran over to it, punching a hole in it. Sticking his head out, he saw a little boy on the ground next to the building.
"Yo, little dude! What day is it!?" Boss yelled from the window.
"What!?" the boy yelled back, not being able to hear Boss.
"WHAT DAY IS IT!?" Boss screamed back.
"IT'S CHIRISTMAS, GOOD GANGSTER!" the boy screamed back, than ran away screaming as he narrowly avoided being impaled by the glass from the window.
Going back into the room, Boss muttered, "I still got time" before running into the hall, running into Zinjai.
"Zinjai, I need some Christmas hypothetical stuff! Pronto!"
Aaron sighed as he poked at a empty glass of eggnog, the Saints moping like he was. They were all in the living room of the penthouse, in the middle, and Boss had not shown up.
"…Wanna put a Christmas special on?" Pierce offered. A bottle of eggnog broke over his head for saying this.
"To think he didn't even show" Aaron muttered. "Even after we installed this old yet decorative fireplace with actual chimney" on the wall, there indeed was a actual fireplace.
Ouro stared depressingly out the window when a glint caught his eye. He looked up and shouted, "guys! Look!"
All the Saints gathered at the window as what appeared to be a man in a plush purple suit and a purple santa hat, along with a purple beard in a purple sled flew in the air, being piloted by golden robotic reindeer. Behind the purple Santa was two police flying cars.
"Ho ho ho! Merry Saintsmas!" Saint Santa said, pulling out a purple rocket launcher from a purple sack with a gold fleur in the sleigh, firing rockets at the cars and blowing them up.
Saint Santa then flew towards the crib, flying up towards the roof. The Saints turned their heads to the fireplace as a commotion was heard, dust falling to the bottom as the head of Saints Santa popped through the top.
"Phew! Really glad you guys didn't light this thing!" he said, pulling himself out of the fireplace, dragging the sack behind him. He looked back at the Saints, pulling his beard off.
"Boss!?" everyone exclaimed in surprise, and at the same time dropping their eggnog.
Boss laughed heartily. "That's right! Last night I was visited by a bunch of ghosts and they put me through some life stuff. Anyway, I knocked the Ghost of Christmas Past out, killed some demon versions of me, and learned to reclaim my Christmas spirit, at the same time finding out that you all have been brought down by my grouchiness. So I had Zinjai whip this Santa stuff up and stole some stuff from the mall!"
"Wait, you mean the 'Three Ghosts of Christmas'?" Aaron asked.
"How does everyone know- fuck it, forget I said anything with the ghosts, I got gifts"
Aaron continued, "wow Boss. I never thought I'd see the day you'd get yo' spirit back. I think I speak for all of us when I say we are genuinely surprised and at the same time proud of you" all the Saints nodded at this.
"Thanks guys. Now for the gifts!" Boss went to Jack first, giving her a purple, wrapped box. She opened it and her eyes widened.
"No way! Holy shit, this biotic amp isn't even on the black market!" she held up a small device as she marveled at it.
Morinth was next. "Some new cloths. Hooray" she chanted weakly.
"Haha! A new weapon to add to the collection!" Grunt roared, holding up his new. Purple claymore shotgun.
"Some…spray paint?" Zaeed asked, holding up a box of different colored spray paints.
"Hey man, customization is key for anything. Ouro your up next!"
"A box of purplw thermal clips...that's...great" Randall held a fake smile, holding two thumbs up.
"A collar? What am I supposed to use this for?" he asked, holding a small, silver collar up.
"Oh, Zinny whipped that up, now you can talk normally now without having to use comm frequencies" Boss explained.
"No fooling!?" Ouro quickly put the collar on and turned his comms off, speaking, "testing…holy hell, can you guys understand me?" everyone nodded. "Dude! This is the best present ever! Thanks man!" Boss laughed jolly-like as he high-fived Ouro.
"Some…! Sparring gloves" a disappointed Grejan muttered.
"What the, this has got to be some of the most expensive coffee in the galaxy!" Robert proclaimed, holding up a container of coffee. "I'm saving this for a special occasion, definitely"
"A new cloak! Nice" Kasumi said, hugging the dark purple cloak.
"A new micro processor for my omni-tool! Awesome!" Kinzie said.
"'Galaxy of Conquest'! This is one of the most successful and sought after galaxy-wide role-playing games!" Matt yelled, holding the game case up.
Keith held up a pair of fake x-ray glasses. "…I don't get it"
Pierce didn't say anything but give a scrunched-up face as he looked at his gift, which was a framed portrait of a grinning Boss giving a thumbs up.
"Some money. That's cool I guess" CID replied to his gift.
"Alcohol, alright!" Shaundie held up a bottle of krogan ryncol.
"A coupon that says 'one hundred free girls'. Meh I've had worse gifts" Zimos proclaimed.
"A weight loss program vid? Playa what are you getting at!?"
"The hell?" Gat asked, holding up a large gun with multiple barrels. He fired it, and a barrage if knives flew from the barrels. "You got me a gun that shoots knives? Awesome"
"And for you Aaron, I bestow upon the ultimate gift" handing Aaron a box, he un-boxed it and held the gift out, which was revealed to be…a picture of Boss and Aaron in their teen years with arms over their shoulders, giving peace signs. "I went through the time machine in the other dimension and got that" Boss explained.
"It's perfect, Boss. Thanks man" Aaron wanted something to remember when life was simpler, and now he finally had something.
Boss folded his arms. "Well if you don't want the truckload of explosives I got either…"
"No shit? Yeah, I'll take that too!" everyone laughed as Aaron reached behind him, pulling a large box out. "Hope you like it"
Boss opened the gift and gasped. "You didn't…" he held up, to what the ex-Normandy Saints saw, was the most obscene thing ever, while the other Saints face-palmed.
In Boss's hands was his most favorite weapon he loved to beat people to death with, the penetrator.
"…You got him a purple dick the size of a baseball bat" a unbelieving Jack said. "That's fucked up"
"Says you! I loved killing dudes with this thing than seeing it on the news, funniest thing ever" he looked at Aaron. "Hey man, thanks. Best gift ever"
"For sure" Aaron replied.
After a few hours of partying, all the Saints huddled together as they looked at the fourth wall. "We'd just like to say thanks, to all you viewers who view and read this story with your viewing and reading skills" Aaron said.
"We all need someone to recognize our life story, so when you guys do it we feel honored you take the time to read it" Boss added.
"So, in celebration," Aaron continued, "we had the best Christmas of our entire live entitled in this story! We hoped you enjoyed it!"
A person no-one knew, the Author, walked in front of the group. "And to all, a merry Christmas from me!" the person said.
"…who the fuck are you?" Boss asked as the Saints glared at the Author. Immediately the person ran towards the window and jumped out, screaming as he fell towards the ground.
The Saints shrugged, than looked back at the fourth wall, everyone shouting at the top of their lungs, "Merry Christmas!"
A/N- And that wraps up the Christmas special! It's a lot shorter than any other chapter, but it's a double-post, so two chapters in a row should make up for that. Plus it's Christmas, I got cheer to spread elsewhere.
Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and let this story brighten your day up, so Merry Christmas from me, the Author! And, to celebrate this Christmas, guess what's gonna be posted in a few minutes? That's right, another chapter. Double post up in here!
And to all, to all a good night! Cya!
