"So that's where you got the pocketwatch from," Perry realises.
I nod, feeling an ache in my chest. It's not as strong as my depression waves…yet. "I never remembered that before. I just…I never knew what happened to them."
"They still cared about you," Perry says, rubbing my shoulder. "Until the end."
I nod again. "Don't be offended, but would you be able to leave me alone for a while?"
Perry frowns. "I won't be offended, Judy. I know you need your space, especially after such a troubling memory. Get some rest and come and find me if you feel like it."
Perry gets up and leaves me alone.
I curl up on my bed, feeling a wave of sadness wash over me. I let it wash over me. I look up at the necklace on my table, now knowing the true value of it. It is the only thing I have left of my mother.
Now that I have an image of her in my head, I quickly get out of bed and go to my notebook. I sit down at the table with it and begin sketching.
An hour later, I have a perfect sketch—coloured perfectly too—of my parents, beaming, hand in hand. It's how I want to remember them: happy. I'm sure it's how they would want to be remembered. I also have a vague feeling that I should be missing another person too, but for the moment I have no idea who that is.
I suddenly feel the need to cry as I think of my parents, who I'm never going to see again. I lie back down on my bed and let myself sob my heart out.
I'm not sure how long I do that for, but when I finally stop, I decide to go out for a walk to clear my head. If I stick to where's familiar, I shouldn't get lost.
I walk along the sidewalk on all fours, thoughts swirling through my head.
I was at an animal testing lab…they took Mother and Father! I-I can't believe I couldn't remember that…
Actually, I can.
Memory loss? That's where it must have started. Whatever happened to me in that place, that must be where I got my depression, my anxiety, my memory loss. It makes sense.
I hate them.
Who? Mother and Father?
What? No! Of course not! I hate the people who took them away. The people who made me an orphan.
The people who turned me into the wreck I am today.
Judy…
It's not okay! They can't just take animals away from their habitats and-!
Judy!
What?
…where are you?
I stop walking suddenly. I've wandered off into a part of Danville that isn't familiar to me. There are too many tall buildings and not enough suburban houses.
Oh no…
I can feel my anxiety stabbing me in the stomach. The sounds of the cars and someone yelling become too loud for me.
Help, help, help, help, help, help!
My inner voice obliges.
Breathe slow, Judy. Turn around and walk back the way you came.
Like this?
No, you forgot to turn. Turn around. That's it. Now walk back the way you came.
I can't remember the way I came!
Breathe, Judy. Breathe.
Breathe…
Well done. Now, does anything look familiar?
…I see the park. Perry took me there once.
Very good, Judy! Can you remember the way home from here?
I think so…
Okay then, keep walking. Keep walking.
Inner voice? Why do you sound like Perry today?
I suppose it's because you're starting to think of him as your guiding light when you are anxious or depressed. That's why your inner voice has begun sounding like Perry. Anyway, are you nearly home?
I-I don't know where home is!
Breathe slow, Judy. Do you remember Perry?
I…yes. Perry, he's my mate.
Good. So you haven't completely lost your mind yet.
Thanks a lot, inner voice.
You're welcome. Anyway, does anything else look familiar?
I'm past the park now…I think that's Perry's friend Pinky's house. I was hiding between the two trash cans out front.
Which means that Perry's house is…?
Opposite!
I quickly run through the backyard and into the shed. I collapse on my bed, breathing heavily. Oh man. That was pulse-racing.
Why am I like this? Why do I have to be anxious all the time? Why can't I go for a walk, end up in an unfamiliar part of town, and not panic?
I lie on my bed until Perry comes back. "Judy, are you okay?"
"I hate my life," I sigh, curling up on my bed. "I wish I was dead."
"Judy, please don't say that!"
"I'm sorry," I snap. "I just had a bad day."
"Bad days don't make bad lives," Perry says gently.
That triggers something in me. I see the image of a black rabbit, one I don't recognise, but he looks so familiar.
Why does he look familiar?
Then another memory comes flooding back to me, making me jerk.
"Bad days don't make bad lives!" I repeat urgently, shaking Perry by the shoulders. "I remembered something! Someone's said that exact thing to me before…"
"Who?" Perry asks.
I tell him.
