A/N- Strap in, folks.


MASS MISCALCULATION


Episode 30- Gangstas in space 2


"And I told you that we were reserving the penthouse for the NyteBlade fan club meeting tonight!" Matt yelled, throwing a comic book on a glass table, Josh behind him with his hands on his hips and nodding furiously.

"And I told you me and Zimos were inviting the girls over!" Pierce yelled, throwing an elicit magazine down, Zimos standing behind Pierce with his arms folded and nodding angrily.

The current situation was that it was nighttime, the moon absent as nothing but the lights in the penthouse illuminated the place- and thanks to the quality lighting it was pretty good. Matt and Birk had signed the place up a club of Nyteblade fans who had formed a club and did… whatever it was fan clubs did. Probably watch and read some NyteBlade. Then talk about NyteBlade. Probably just hang out eating some snacks, having a good time with the fans, who surprisingly were mostly Saints members and a few outsiders.

However, Pierce and Zimos had hired some ho's for a wild party, for whatever reason. Nothing much was to be said here other than that most of it was Zimos' idea and Pierce just went along with it, mostly 'cause Zimos threw some wild parties.

"You can't just butt in on our night! We've been planning this for a week and even bought the food and everything!" Matt said. To prove his point his finger pointed to a crate of purple potato chips, one of Pierces new food products called Saints Crunch, and then pointed to a crate of Saints Flow.

"Yeah, plus eighty percent of the fans are girls anyways, nerdy girls, but girls nonetheless" Josh added.

Pierce huffed. "Well, we might not have nerdy chicks and crates of stuff to embolden our point, but we got something better"

"Oh really? And what exactly is that?" Matt demanded, stepping closer to Pierce.

"Bitches" Zimos answered, holding his microphone to his throat and at the same time high-fiving Pierce, as if that one word made all the difference.

Matt sputtered, stomping his foot in rage. "That's not as good as what we got!"

"Are you denying the power of bitches?" both Pierce and Zimos asked at the same time, both in a monotonous tone. "Bitches is positive" Zimos added. Matt thought they were kidding at first, but when he gazed into the seriousness that was written on their faces, he blanched when he realized how serious they were.

Fortunately, both of their arguments were cut off when Boss and Aaron walked into the room, the rest of the Saints trailing them, minus Robert and Gat and with the addition of Zinjai, Zinny, and Zinkle.

"Boss? What are you doing here?" Pierce asked, all hostility between Matt and him ceasing, but Josh was still glaring intently at him.

"Um… it's movie night" Boss said dumbly, as if that answer would calm them.

It didn't.

"WHAT!?" both of the previous parties shouted, running up to Boss, who took a step back.

"You can't do this!" Matt argued.

"We had a plaaaaan!" Josh bawled.

"C'mon dude, we already got something goin' on!" Pierce pleaded.

"The bitches!" Zimos wailed, shaking Boss's collar.

Boss brushed them all off, lookin' stern. "Hey. Who's the Boss?"

"You are" everyone said in a dull tone, almost as if they've been forced to say this on a daily basis.

"And who rules the gang?"

"You do"

"So what are we doing tonight?"

"Movie night"

"A'ight. Good- what" Boss and everyone else's head snapped to when the elevator dinged, the doors opening.

"Gat and Robert back already- nope" Aaron shut his mouth when dozens of people donning NyteBlade cosplay outfits stormed into the penthouse, conversing to themselves as they walked around confused.

At the same time the other elevator opened, dozens of women in skimpy outfits and men in gimp suits walking in, doing much of the same thing the cosplay people were doing.

"Plans, huh?" Boss grumbled, glaring at Matt and Peirce, who chuckled nervously.

"Um, Boss…" Shaundie poked his shoulder, Boss nodding.

"I know I know I know, but I've gone too far, everyone! Okay everyone into the penthouse, into the penthouse!" Boss shouted above the crowd, waving his arms into the penthouse.

"There's no way everyone will fit!" Oleg protested, as he along with everyone else tried to shove their way into the penthouse.

"Not with yo fat ass…" Boss muttered, then narrowly dodged a glass sailing by his head. "Kidding, kidding!"

"So Boss, you never told us, what movie are we showing?" Aaron asked, raising the question everyone had.

To tell the truth they only learned of movie night this morning when Boss had dragged most of everyone and demanded they show, much to everyone's surprise since Boss had been gone for a week doing something, so it was a sudden surprise.

"Well Aaron, to explain my disappearance I've been filming a movie for a week, a, uh… certain sequel to everyone's favorite movie…"

"Oh god damn it…" Kinzie sighed, holding her forehead, she knew where this was going.

"Gangstas in space 2!" Boss yelled, holding up a small, rectangular box up clearly, the title embezzled with purple along with Boss standing on the cover in a purple spacesuit, a galaxy on fire in the background.

"What the fuck!?" Pierce shouted, gripping the movie case and looking at it. "You were filming a sequel and you didn't film us in it!?" he yelled. That actually hurt him a bit, considering he was in the first movie.

"Eh, the guy already had the doubles and they were cheaper, plus I wanted it to be a surprise. Anyway, ZJ, the TV!"

Zinjai nodded, hitting a button on his belt, a giant plasma flat-screen TV folding down from the ceiling, covering the wall. A small and, compared to the size of the TV, pathetic DVD played popped out of the ceiling too, the wires already connected to the TV.

"Um, Boss, ever heard of vids?" Aaron asked, but was glared on since he asked that question instead of the more important questions, like how long the TV was there or how Boss even got it in this day and age.

"Aaron have you seen the shit quality that vids have? The picture's all grainy and fuzzy, and it's got those weird staticy lines that move through it, I swear seventies TV had better quality" it was true, the vid quality in this universe wasn't the best. How they managed that in the future Boss would never know.

"Plus," the leader continued, "This! Is a hundred inch! HD and purple-ray! Plasma-screen TV! Ain't no better quality than that, it's crystal clear I tell ya"

While Aaron was staring at Boss gesturing to the TV, he asked, "purple-ray?"

"It's like blue-ray but better, anyway I'm turning it on" Boss held up a remote, hitting the power button and waited for the TV to turn fully on. During that time the Saints and the guests found places to sit or stand. Some dove for the stashes of Saints Flow and Crunch while others just stood. Pierce and Matt were still fuming about their night of debauchery's being ruined, but at the very least the night was shaping up to become interesting.

"Ah, this thing is taking forever to turn on" Boss grumbled as he sat on the couch facing the TV, Aaron sitting next to him.

While waiting for the TV to turn on, Zimos asked, "so where Robert and Gat at?" the question was mostly directed to be a time killer.

"Oh, I sent them for snacks for the movie. Should be back any minute now" Boss answered.

"But we already got food" Matt argued, pointing to the crates.

Boss crossed his arms, rolling his eyes. "Well I didn't know, did I?" he looked at his wrist, sighing. "Least they should be here by now…"


Elsewhere

The Illium supermarket was a very droll place, where everyone hated to go due to the fact that grocery shopping in the future was made too easy by the glowing signs. Back in the old days mother's struggling with children wriggling in the cart at least had the challenge of finding something to help distract them, but nowadays that wasn't the case, and now was just a place for someone's mind to wander as they went about the daunting task of getting some damn groceries.

As such was the bored expression on Gat's face as he rested his head in his hand, standing at the end of a checkout aisle as a salarian swiped bag after bag of popcorn called Saints Pop (another of Pierce's brilliant ideas) and stored them in multiple plastic bags.

"'Lotta popcorn" the salarian commented as he tried to kill time.

"Yep" Gat muttered, trying to stay awake as he occasionally put a full plastic bag of Saints Pop in a shopping cart.

"Movie night?" the salarian inquired.

"Ahuh"

"So how's life going?"

"Meh, good"

"Ah, good for you. Why wouldn't it be, you humans live to be a hundred or so, why worry with those life spans"

"Uh…"

"Not like you have to worry about anything like dying of old age in fifteen years or finding a mate willing to trade gene contracts for a child, no, everyone else all they have to do is go to a rave party and boom! Instant child"

"Hey man I'm not really that comfortable with-"

"Sure, with freedom like that what's to worry about, not like your wasting what little life you have shoving ass-tasting popcorn in bags. Sure, live on"

"You live a very isolated life, don't you?"

"Not gonna lie, got a pistol under the counter, don't know what I'm going to do with it, might shoot my boss, might shoot myself, might shoot that guy over there, might steal all the money in this register and go to a life of crime until I get enough money to get out of my stepmom's basement"

"… Man you need some help"

"Hey, Gat!" upon hearing this voice, Gat turned around to see Robert running up to him, one arm carrying a dozen cases of Saints Flow while the other held a cup of coffee.

"Got the soda" Robert reported.

"You know, you might have a better time holding all that if you, I don't know, used both hands?" Gat pointed to the fact he was holding everything with one hand, to which Robert scoffed at.

"Are you saying I should devote this hand to something other than holding this mug?"

"Well, yeah. Preferably six of those cases"

"Well I don't want to hear it. We're going" Robert walked out the store with a brisk pace, Gat shaking his head as he hefted the bags of popcorn.

"Of all the engineers Boss had to hire…" he muttered to himself, walking out the store.

The salarian at the counter watched the two leave, breathed deeply, and screamed as loudly as he could, snatching up his pistol and running off.

As the vehicle Robert and Gat took lifted off, gunshots were heard in the store, the salarian running out waving a credit chit, security running after him, Gat shaking his head at what he saw.

"Yep. Real problems" he said to himself as the car took off.


Penthouse

"And that's the story of how the snacks will arrive. TV on yet?" Boss asked, looking back at the TV while everyone woke up from the story.

"Oh hey, it is. Now to… turn it on. I'm a little nervous here, guys" Boss admitted as he pressed the on button to the DVD player.

Aaron shook his head. "Yep, your doing it Boss. Conquer that DVD player"

"Okay I turned it on but nothing's showin' up on the screen" Boss said, looking confused as he looked at the blue screen.

Zinjai ran over and handed Boss a remote control. "Switch to channel one" he instructed.

"Ain't that the weather?"

"Not that chan- hit the button on the upper left!"

"Oh. Okay" he did as he was told, and a little menu popped up on screen. "Hey, it worked! Okay, hittin' the little arrow button, pressin' the button in the middle, channel one!"

"That's channel two!" everyone yelled.

"Isn't channel two connected with the AV jacks on the DVD player?"

"It's connected to the HDMI cable!" Aaron yelled. After Boss switched to channel one, Aaron looked at Ben, who was shaking his head in his hand.

"Is he always this bad?" Aaron asked him, who groaned in response.

"You shoulda' seen the playa when he tried to program the DVR"

"Eh, who knows how to program those"

Finally, the DVD was set up. To Boss, this was a big accomplishment. In his every day-to-day life technology wasn't his strong suit, so in these moments was proud to be able to do these things. Felt good. Felt like he made a difference.

"Okay, putting it in-"

Aaron grabbed the disk, pulling it out and flipping it to the other side.

"Thank you Aaron, didn't know that mattered. Okay, it's in, we're good!"

The screen displayed a spinning disk, but then stopped and read 'error: disk unreadable'.

"Oh what the fuck…" Boss muttered, popping the disk back out and looking it over. "Oh, fingerprints, damn. I'll just wipe these away"

"Can I go? I got other stuff to do" one of the gimps Pierce and Zimos called asked. Truth be told they were fifteen minutes in and they haven't even made it to the main menu of the disk yet. They all had better stuff to do.

Plus, barely anyone, sans the original Saints, knew what this movie was. They'd rather watch other stuff to be honest.

But Boss didn't realize this and promptly waved a laser gun into the crowd. Collective gasps were heard. "Your all gonna stay and watch this movie or else"

When everyone nodded, Boss continued wiping the disk.

"You know we wouldn't have this problem if we just watched it on the internet" Aaron suggested. He was getting pretty tired of this as well.

"Can't, we got a thirty-gigs a month plan and we're out of internet for a couple more days. Been downloading a app for my omni-tool for a week" Boss explained, flipping the disk to rub the other side.

Aaron's mouth opened a bit, and he held a hand to his head, exhaling slowly. "Okay, so why don't you just pitch in for unlimited?"

"Can't, penthouse isn't in a area that supports unlimited"

Aaron exhaled even louder. "Your saying, that in a universe with galactic-wide internet, we don't live somewhere that has unlimited coverage"

"Yep"

"Bullshit, I saw someone's omni-tool loading porn on the ship back when we were going back home from that dino-planet you blew up. I don't know who's it was, but we weren't even in a discovered cluster for pete's sake"

"Aaron, I'll be honest with you; none of the internet providers will sell to me and I'm too lazy to go steal the internet, so this is what we got"

Aaron looked back at the crowd. "Yo Matt, how long would it take for you to hack into something to get us endless internet?"

"It's extranet, technically" Matt corrected.

"Kinzie how much time?"

"Hey!" Matt shouted for being passed on.

"Don't care, woman, how long?"

"I don't know, five minutes? Give or take forty seconds?"

Aaron nodded and flailed his arms at boss, leaning his face into Boss's. "Hear that? Fuckin' five minutes"

Boss waved a hand aside. "Fine, we'll address it at the next meeting, anyway I cleaned the fingerprints and put some omni-gel in some scratches I found, so we are good!"

But, faith with the combination of Saints luck had a way of derailing Boss's plan at every turn. It's not that he wasn't prepared for it, but he was still sad whenever it happened. Not to mention angry. In fact it was his theory that those problems stemmed in third grade with Timmy from down the block, but that's a different story.

In this instance, it was Johnny and Robert came in, snacks held in arms, except on arm that belonged to Robert held a pot of coffee. And due to the penthouse being overloaded with people, a random foot was bound to trip one of them, the one being Robert. It was because of this that he had tripped, his coffee pot flying out of his hands. The rich, brown and somewhat bitter according to some people's opinion flew threw the air, and found itself landing on the DVD.

As for Boss, he just stared at the disk as everyone groaned around him. He sighed deeply, throwing the disk at the wall, causing it to shatter, then glared at Robert through the sunglasses.

"Robert…" he growled, "I'm cutting you off from coffee"

"I'll put spinning rims on the Fleur De Lis if you rescind that" Robert said quickly. It was insanity working with these people, the coffee was the only solution out. To Robert, the solution wasn't the coffee itself, but in the coffee, and at the bottom of the mug he'd find a answer to the insanity. Probably more coffee.

"Done" Boss said, walking to the door, while Gat leaned in to Robert.

"How long 'till he realizes the ship doesn't have wheels?" he asked.

"Long enough to stockpile more coffee for when he does and cuts me off" Robert answered.

Boss, grumbling to himself, pressed the button on the elevator leading to the garage, yelling to the crowd, "there's another DVD at the director's office, I'll go get it and come back"

Everyone nodded as the doors opened, Boss stepping in and going to the garage. Five minutes later they saw a purple aircar fly away, and soon afterwards Aaron's omni-tool rang, with a message to put the call on speaker.

Aaron shrugged and did so, Boss's voice coming clearly in from the other side.

"So, since this will take awhile, I'm gonna tell a story of how this movie got made anyways"

"I'm out" one of the gimps said, some of the other partygoers agreeing.

"Anyone leaves I shoot them" Boss threatened. Everyone planted their feet on the ground at that comment. "Good, now where to begin… eh, 'bout a week ago this dude called me…"


'Bout a week ago

Boss sighed as he relaxed on the couch, watching some TV. Day had gone well, drove a block or two, bought a gun, harassed Pierce, did some Emperor stuff, beat Pierce at a two-on-two game of basketball with Aaron and Shaundie, had CID show him how to mod games, got bored of modded games, harassed Pierce a bit more, all-in-all a good day.

Then, just as he got into a comfortable position, he was called. So, naturally, he answered in his nonchalant attitude.

"Yo, 'sup?" he answered, trying to reach for a bowl of chips but got too lazy and gave up.

"Is this the Boss of the Saints?" a voice asked from the other end, which to Boss sounded like it had a accent, although what accent it was he couldn't place.

"If this is about that building… yeah, I blew it up. Sue me"

"No, I'm not here about that, but to reinstate my previous question…?"

"Uh-huh"

"Eeee!" in all his life, Boss had never heard a loud sound like that. Literally, never. You'd think he would from his hobbies and things he murdered, but no.

"Hey man, your gonna blow the mic if you keep doin' that!" Boss yelled, though it could be barely heard over the sound of the squealing… or whatever the man on the other end was doing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry it's just that I never thought I would receive such honor to speak with you! My name Is Gerald Bertam, the-"

"You the guy who makes them shitty movies the galaxy has to watch?" Boss asked slowly, looking over his shoulder to a fridge with a piece of paper marked 'people to kill if really bored', the name in the middle, being under 'turian councilor Sparatus' and above 'that one dude who sold me shoes and the box they came in was empty then saw the dude the next day wearing them'.

"Ugh, so you know my plight, no-one can make good movies anymore! There's no inspiration! Ever since humanity merged with the Council there have been multiple restriction laws put in the movie industry!"

"Wait, so you mean directors aren't the reason movies are so bad?"

"No! We know they're bad, all because of the Council! We just can't have action movies or the sci-fi thrills or the horror chills anymore, just… just cheesy drama and boring documentaries! I'm telling you, the main races hated the movies we used to make! Asari thought they weren't culturally valuable-"

"And yet you see porn being sold in shops all over the Citadel. Next to the food courts. Swear I saw a Fornax shop next to a toy store once"

"Salarians think that they aren't informal enough…"

"Who the hell watches movies for knowledge, I ain't in school no more"

"And the turians think movies inspire youth to be full-on criminals, mostly from action movies and movies about criminals. Not to mention they think detective movies corrupt real-life cops with 'rule bending' skills…"

"Well action movies were a contributing factor into becoming what I am today. But that's besides the point" Boss saw Zinjai walking around and motioned for him to get the list on the fridge, "look man, what do you want? You sound like you hate current movies as bad as I do, so what's the end game here?"

"Well…" Gerald sounded fidgety at the other end, "I drew some inspiration from the movie you released awhile back, 'Gangstas in Space'"

"Ah, that" Boss took the list from Zinjai, nodding to him and flipping the list over while thinking about that movie.

Soon after the Saints had a stable hold Boss released the movie they had made in the past to the public, hoping this movie would inspire good into the world again, like it did in the other universe.

It didn't. It really didn't. Soon after it was released Council took it down a week later despite the nothing-but-good reviews, most were four or five stars. Another reason for Boss to hate them.

Of course, Boss had used the best hackers in the Saints, so basically Kinzie, Ouro, CID, and Matt, and got the movie back out on the market and kept counter-cyber-attacking any Citadel resistance until they gave up on trying to get the movie down. But still, the message was there, and it turns out it did churn out some inspiration for what Gerald was about to say.

"Look, could you do… that thing again? Where you keep banned movies on the market?"

"For sure, why'd ya ask?"

"Look, for awhile me and everyone at the studio has been working on a… project. I know we should have asked you and gotten permission, but we got actors that captured everyone perfectly and production time wasn't the best…"

"What are you telling me?"

"We're making a 'Gangstas in Space 2' movie"

Boss immediately flipped the list over Zinjai gave him, scribbling Gerald's name in the 'people to help if not doing anything else' list in the middle, under 'help Pierce beat Oleg at chess' and over 'a random guy in the street who's getting jacked or some shit'.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, you actually made a sequel to my most favorite movie of all time ever!?" Boss squealed. His prayers had been answered after all.

"Well, in the process. Technology today stalling, you know? It's mostly done, but I was thinking it wouldn't be a good movie without the man who made it all possible, and the actor playing you died before he could finish all the shots, so-"

"Yes! Oh my lordy yes I will be right there, don't even tell me where the studio is I'll figure it out on my own!"

Like a blur, Boss ran from the couch, immediately going off to the garage to leave for the studio, purple skycar flying off.

However, there was one thing Boss had forgotten to ask; how the last actor died.


Gerald, a portly director of portish size, paced nervously as he waited for Boss to arrive. The whole movie depended on him arriving, and if he didn't, it was all over. Everything.

But, faith would have it that he would arrive, as a purple skycar with gold trimming descended seemingly from the heavens, Boss stepping out.

"Dude, you would not believe how long it took me to find this place," he said, "but still! Found it!"

"Alright!" Gerald nodded, shaking Boss's hand quite rigorously. "As you know I'm Geralt Bertram, movie director, and down there," he pointed to a large building, "is the set we are shooting at"

"Cool," Boss nodded, "so what's the deal with me?"

"Look, it's pretty cut and dry, all I need you to do is- Dianna!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, startling Boss. Almost immediately a girl came over to the director, Boss noticing she had a eye patch on.

"Yes, sir?" she asked, in a tone Boss noted seemed… afraid almost.

"What do you mean 'yes, sir', isn't it fucking obvious? We got the most important man here and he's probably wasting away, nothing to drink, so stop being so useless and get him something!"

"Y-yes, sir" she nodded, shuffling away, but Boss grabbed her arm before she could leave, startling her.

"Hey girl, what happened to your eye?" he asked. He had a sneeking suspicion, but he was still in denial part of grief. Grief with dealing with this again.

"I'm not aloud to talk about it" she muttered, than broke free of Boss and ran off, Boss looking at her as she ran and saw Gerald beckoning him, Boss following.

"Sorry about that," Gerald began, "but good help is hard to find these days"

"Really?"

"Yeah! I got these, these incompetent actors, these useless serving bitches, and then what happened to the last guy oh if you hadn't agreed I don't know where I would be without you!"

"And what happened to the-"

Gerald cut Boss off as they entered the set, Gerald staring at a actor near a green screen who looked too much like Pierce for Boss's liking.

"Carver, for the love of- your supposed to be convincing! Look, I already shot one actor and hired the greatest replacement ever, I don't need to get a new one!" Gerald sighed, wiped his forehead, and looked at Boss, who now held a look of depression and daunt. "Can you just stay here, hold the fort down, I need to get the script"

"Y-yeah man…" Boss muttered as Gerald skipped away, Boss breathing heavily. "Dear god, not again…" he whispered, falling to his knees. "Not another crazy director… not again…"

His worst fears had been realized. Gerald was just as crazy as the other person who tried to direct the first movie. That one being replaced due to the former being crazy, almost killing Boss, and one of the actresses snapping and impaling him on a prop.

But Boss had to be strong. This movie was to important to him, nay, the entire world to just forsake because of that, he couldn't let such a thing go. He just had to survive until it was finished.


One week later

Well… it hadn't been as bad as Boss thought it would be. Set's were pretty standard, he did some scenes, mostly just acted a bit… oh, and then everything else. Yes, that was the part that was hell.

Gerald was insane in that he snapped at the littlest things, and did actually shoot at people for mistakes. He never hit anyone, but it's not like it would be a first, apparently. But, Boss still had one more scene to do, escaping a exploding ice giant.

Currently he was in a harness, jetpack on with a faux spaceship hovering over him.

"Okay!" Gerald yelled through a old-timey megaphone, "so pretty simple as far as jet pack scenes are covered!"

"Yo you just gonna lift me to that thing, right?" Boss asked hopefully.

"No! What kind of cut-the-box-office shit is that!? Your gonna be flying in that thing!"

"I'm what!?"

"Yeah, I got some skycars holding onto that ship, they're gonna haul it around while your dangling from it and the winch in the ship pulls you in!"

"What kind of bullshit malarkey…!"

"Places people! AND… ACTION!"

"OH SHIIIIIIIT!" Boss screamed as he was carried away, two skycars flying away away carrying the prop and Boss, flying around the set. But, something went wrong as the prop shuddered.

"Um, what was that!?" Boss yelled down to the set as his body was surely but slowly raised.

"Yeah, uh, that might be the VI's driving the skycars!" Gerald informed.

"The VI's!? You mean you ain't got no people drivin' this crazy thing!?"

"Nah, and they were on sale. And at a discount at the same time, so I don't think they work that much"

"You jive-ass mother fuckeeeer!" Boss screamed as the as the prop was carried into the city, camera drones following him.

Boss was counting himself luck, really, listening to the wind whistle past his ears as the countless skycars being piloted by actual people going somewhere normal passed him, Boss flailing to avoid the cars. The prop shifted closer to a building, slamming Boss into it and causing him to slide on the surface. He got his footing and ran on the wall, gulping as he came to the edge and car turned, veering him to another building and smacking him right into it.

Somehow, this movement had caused the winch to break, the rope holding Boss going slack and causing Boss to freefall, screaming as he swung on the chord and slid on the ground, avoiding random pedestrians as he slid over cars, finding a torn apart dumpster that looked suspiciously like a ramp and leaned over to it, gaining some air and getting a firm grip on the chord, climbing up it.

After a couple minutes of climbing, he finally made his way into the ship, sensors picking him up and forcing the VI's to drive back to the set, the prop setting down with Boss stumbling out.

"The fuck, was that?" he demanded, pointing to the now sparking prop.

Gerald and some technicians ran up to him, the latter group going to go tend to the prop, the former chuckling. "Eh, that's what you get with cheap props, I guess. But hey, bright side we got footage I never dreamed of getting, boys in the editing department have been editing it all together, give them an hour and it should be incorporated in the movie, than boom! Done"

"Done. Just like that" at this, Boss was skeptical. Seemed like it would take longer to pull all that together.

"Meh, technology today, am I right? Anyway, in a hour this baby will be good to go!"

"This baby is good to go!" Gerald yelled happily, waving a DVD in the air, Boss holding his own copy. The virtual version was being uploaded to the extranet as a surprise movie, and would likely soon be turned down. But as soon as Boss watched his hard copy he'd get it back up.

But, Boss was tired after making this movie, and he needed a break from showbiz. "Well, Gerald… it's been a experience. Glad you didn't get killed like the guy before the last guy"

"… What happened to him?"

"Got impaled, not the point. Movie night's tonight and I got the best thing right here"

As Boss was walking away, Gerald called out to him. "Remember Boss, this movie… it couldn't happen without you. Remember your contribution to the film industry. Remember… to keep the film alive"

"Um… yeah. Sure dawg" Boss nodded before closing the door to the director's office very slowly… then running away as fast as he could to his sky car.


Present

"And that's how-" Boss finished, but saw that his omni-tool deactivated. "The hell, am I out of minutes or power? BOTH!? Aw that's jank"

Boss sighed as he landed his skycar back at the studio. He was literally five or six words away from finishing the story, now he'd have to tell the entire thing again just to get back to that part. He couldn't just skip to it, that'd ruin the concept.

But, that was a problem for another time, for right now Boss needed to go in there and get another copy of the movie.

Which, after five minutes, he got. There was a shelf full of them, so he just took one.

Surprisingly, getting a new movie was surprisingly easy since no-one minded.


Penthouse

"Back the fuck up!" Boss shouted to the confused crowd, waving a gun and having everyone make way for him. "I'll be damned if I'll let one of you ruin this disk…"

"Boss, chill" Aaron said while leaning on a wall, reading a NyteBlade comic. "Meh, it ain't half bad. Josh I want a arc in this where he gets a sidekick with a blue cape"

"No" Josh and Matt snapped.

"Fine…"

Boss didn't pay heed to any of this conversation, put the DVD in the player slowly, watching it slide in and the movie go to the main menu. "Okay I'm good now, everyone strap in! Movie coming on!"


The scene shifted to a fleur-shaped spaceship flying through space, Boss in a purple spacesuit standing at the helm, distraught.

"All my men…" he muttered, "my friends… all dead, just to kill Killbane, my father, to save Earth…"

"You did what you had to…" a actor resembling Kinzie said. "All of Earth has you to thank for saving it"

"It…" Boss looked down, "wasn't… worth it…"

Red lights blared suddenly, a similar fleur-shaped ship warped in front of them, firing purple lasers at them.


Both ships on fire, but with Boss's ship considerably more on fire, Boss laid wounded among a dozen dead men in strange, armored suits in the cargo bay, someone who looked like they were in charge with black, sleek armor and a featureless black helmet walked up to him.

"You killed all my men… I'm as good as I remember" the figure said in a voice that was altered by the helmet. He then took a sword hilt out, a purple plasma katana blade lighting up. "Let's see if your any good at this" he threw Boss another.

"FINE… then" Boss said, stumbling on his lines as he ignited his sword. The two had swordfought for awhile, but the black-suited figure proved better and had beat Boss in seconds.

"Just as I remember…" he grumbled, "was always better with guns anyways"

"Who are you… just who are you!?" Boss screamed.

"Why don't you know?" the figure removed his helmet, Boss gasping as he realized he was staring at a older, wrinkled version of his own face.

"No… no you can't be my father! My father was Killbane!"

"That may be true, Boss… but I never claimed to be your father. I AM you… from, the future"

Boss shook as he gazed at Old Boss, backing up in fear. "No, that isn't true…! That can't be true!" he stared up at a camera at the ceiling, screaming "NOOO!" at the top of his lungs while the camera shock.


"He's gone to the past…" Kinzie said, typing away at a laptop, "he's taking technology from the future to make nuclear walking tanks in the past to rule the world ergo ruling the future"

"Damn…" Boss swore, now wearing an eye patch due to Old Boss cutting one of his eyes out with his sword.

"That's not all, he's… cloned the old crew, they're helping him. You'll have to… go the past, and kill them, and stop Old Boss's plan"


In a facility in the past, a Boss wearing a cardboard box got out from under it after tranquilizing a mercenary, staring up at a giant, tank-like robot. "So, there it is… he muttered. "Plastic Gear…"


After blowing the gear up, Boss had encountered Old Boss, holding a can of Saints hairspray and a lighter to him.

"You can't change the future…" Old Boss warned, "you have no idea what will befall it"

"Anything's better than being under your rule" Boss said defiantly. And with that, Old Boss was burned with the makeshift flamethrower, left to die in the exploding base.


Aaron, in a blue jumpsuit, stomped up to Boss. "Hey, I'm the one with the meaningful and tragic back-story here, I'll blow the tanker and save the doctor"

"Then you'll need this" Boss said, throwing him the plasma sword Old Boss had given him. "Blades don't run out of bullets"


Years later, a slightly older Boss ducked in a alley of a public market, Aaron, now looking different due to having a cyborg body, who had the cables of lizard robots mooing like cows on his feet and break-dancing, hurtling them around.

"Who's responsible for this, Octagon?" Boss asked, looking down at a small robot as it wheeled up to him.

"It's him… the creation of Old Boss. Liquid Onslaught Super Slayer-Loss- … your clone"

Boss looked up the sky, facing the camera as he screamed "NOOO!" at the top of his lungs, the camera shaking.


Boss ducked in the old fought bowling balls with three arms wielding pistols and rifles in the frozen wreckage of the fort he had blown up, Aaron standing tall on the top, plasma sword out as he faced down Josh in his NyteBlade outfit, nanotrites having turned him into a vampire.

"Give up, man! Old Boss won't win!"

"Surrender? Neverrrr!" Vamp Josh hissed as he charged Aaron, the two commencing to fight.


Boss gazed at the corpse of Screaming Shaundie, looking up at the ghost who helped her. "It's… you! Playa Mantis!" Boss gasped.

The camera swerved to Ben King in a black rubber suit and gas mask, floating in the air. "That's right, Playa. Back from the muthafuckin' dead"


Aaron walked into the room, no arms and sword in his teeth as electricity arced around his body, electrocuting two gene soldiers. He stood next to Boss as more flooded the room.

"I'll go" Aaron said wordlessly, using the codex.

"No, Aaron. I'll go" Boss countered.

"But-"

"Aaron… I'm old, alright? Almost as old as Old Boss. You have your youth. A spy wife whose relationship with you is questionable at best. A son you really need to look after, and I mean REALLY look after, you barely ever see him, 'cause of your work he'll move around a lot, it's gonna send a bad message to his childhood, he might even join a gang. And if he dies, so does your bloodline, considering you a cyborg now and ain't got no junk no more, he's the only child you'll ever have. Now live… live for me" Boss said as he ran to the microwave hall.

Aaron looked down. "… Not sure if I wanna live anymore…"


Boss groaned as he crawled out of the microwave all, body sizzling as he spacesuit was charred. He rolled on his back, groaning as he took a burrito from his back pocket, biting it before looked up at a Plastic Gear RAX, then looking back down at Octagon.

"Shape man… I'm gonna need your help"


"LOOOOS!" Boss roared as he charged at him in the Plastic Gear RAX.

"BOOOOS!" Loss roared as he charged him with the sleeker Plastic Gear REY, the two giant robots commencing to fight.


Loss, who looked just like Boss but with a white afro, chuckled as fell to his knees, dying due to the beat down Boss laid down on him. "Boss… you can't stop him…" he groaned.

"I gotta try man" Boss said, looking at the white flowers around them as they turned purple.

"Heh, I guess… hey," Boss looked at Loss as he fell, muttering "your pretty good", the last words echoing in Boss's head forever.


Even more years later, Aaron, in a sleeker, black cyborg body and a fake lower jaw rode in a car with a giant, robotic wolf in the backseat, looking angrily at a man on the screen of his car. "I'm not letting Old Boss harvest children's brains and send them to the future to become cyborg soldiers as a last-ditch attempt to rule the future!"

"But you can't quit!" a man on the other line argued, "think of your dental benefits!"

"Dude, half my teeth are gone, I don't care at this point"


"Nanotrites, son" Senator Neil said, his skin turning black as he faced a weary Aaron, both on the wreckage of Plastic Gear EXCELSIOR.

"Well maybe a low-frequency sword can't hurt you…" Aaron mused, throwing a broken sword away and taking his plasma sword out. "How about plasma getting through that thick hide?"


Back in the future, a bloodied Old Boss gazed up at Boss, who had aged to the poin the was as old as Old Boss when they first met, the two on a ice planet where they had their final gun battle.

"So… this is where it ends…" Old Boss muttered. "Damn shame"

"I couldn't let you rule the future" Boss said.

"Doesn't matter… I was in the exact same position as you. Went back in time to rule the future after killing Old Old Boss. Maybe you won't, but another will. There will always… be another Boss"

"Not if I'm around there won't be" was Boss's final words to his older self as he shot him in the head with his trusty laser pistol, Old Boss slumping, dead. He heard beeping from his suit and realized charged were in the planet with his vitals acting as a trigger, Kinzie flying in as Boss jet packed to it, the two narrowly escaping the planet's explosion.


"So, that's it?" Kinzie had asked.

"No…" Boss said. "He is right you know. There's always gonna be another Boss… Big Boss's, Small Boss's, Medium Boss's… but I'll always be there to stop them…" he looked at the camera. "The original Boss"

With that, the screen went to black as the purple credits rolled.


Reality

"So, what'd you guys thin- where'd everyone go?" Boss asked, seeing as most of the guests left, the Saints being left.

"Dude, the movie was six hours long and your not good at acting, you pause at every line" Gat said.

"Oh…" Boss looked down.

"And plus it seemed like the movie would be a better videogame then a movie" Aaron added.

Boss sunk. He worked hard for this movie, this movie was his dream baby. He always dreamed of a movie, and when he finally got one he just wanted it to have a companion, to not be lonely. If he had known that it would have been this bad… oh he should have never-

"But… the plot was solid" Matt said.

"And the visuals were good" Kinzie added.

"I liked the part where I was the magnetic dude and split up into a bunch of pieces" Pierce said, adding his piece.

"R-really?" Boss asked.

Aaron put a hand on his shoulder. "Really, man. It's a good movie, and honestly it was enjoyable. I know since we were kids you always wanted a movie, so to see you finally get it- bro, I'm trying to be proud of you here. Bask in the damn moment"

"Okay then!" Boss yelled enthusiastically, jumping up. He wasn't bad at making movies! His dream, it could still be realized. His dream of movies, of making the gang better… they could all be complete.

"Now all's that's left is to hack the internet to keep the movie up. Matt, get to it"

Matt groaned, slugging over to his terminal while Boss stood there, the sun rising and flashing off him as he stood in triumph.

It was good to be Boss after all.


A/N- Hey, SR4 ripped Metal Gear off in the one mission, so far as I'm concerned it's canonical.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of all the metal gear games, it has a beautiful story that times in with the comedic moments with the fourth-wall breaks, and I kind of feel I sullied it with the movie story. But, hopefully people realize that the movie isn't how I perceive Metal Gear, 'cause… well Metal Gear's a lot more better than that.

Anyway, phew! Summer. Getting closer to finishing the 'episode arc' then writing the finale to the arc before taking a break from the story to go work on the other one. And I got something good planned for the arc finale…

Well, all for now, cya!