A/N- Just a friendly reminder, I always appreciate any feedback in the form of PM's or reviews. That and they help me write faster. So get to criticizing if ya want to. Other than that, enjoy.


MASS MISCALCULATION

Episode 31- Irradiated safari


Another day on Illium, the building abuzz with people, the masses filled with a variety of species, admittedly most being blue or purple asari, but since the Saints had made this their planet of operations there had been a notable increase of human population.

Not that the Saints exclusively accepted humans, in fact Boss often tried to recruit purple asari that were ex-mercenaries. For obvious reasons.

But, besides that, the hum-drum of the city life was busy nonetheless, Boss nodding as he stared at the people below while sitting in a recliner with no upper clothing or sunglasses next to the poll on the deck of the penthouse that was connected to the landing pad.

So, with that, Boss sighed as he sat back and put some earbuds in, listening to some music as he relaxed.

But, he was interrupted into getting into the groove of 'I don't care anymore' when his sunlight was blocked, Boss groggily opening his eyes to see Aaron standing above him.

"Dude, what do you want?" Boss grumbled, taking the earbuds out and sitting up. "It's my day off from my gang life. And my Emperor life. This is Boss life time right now"

"I know, but-" Aaron stopped when he heard the song coming from the earbuds connected to a z-pod, one of the zin's more iconic if not mediocre inventions. "Dude, that's a old song considering the age we're in"

Boss shrugged. "Don't see you complaining whenever I'm flooding the place with rap music. Plus even with me integrating anti-robot music into the galaxy there still be electronic jams. I'm at the point where I'm considering reviving disco- I'll do it, too. I have the power"

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Whatever floats your boat, man. Scootch" Boss moved a bit, allowing Aaron to sit down next to him. "Hey, remember when you guys first came here to get me?"

"Yeah, that was a fun time. We blew some stuff up" Boss still remembered that day. It was a good day, full of explosions and reuniting with his life-long best friend.

"Okay, well, I've been thinking. Remember that big power armor thing CID was in before the thresher's totaled it?"

"It was more of a robot, but yeah"

"Well, I've been thinking, that thing might be somewhere still out there, and that thing's zin tech, what if someone finds it?"

Boss scoffed, patting Aaron on the back. "You worry too much, bro, those giant worms eat metal, that things long gone by now"

"Is it? I mean, it's zin tech, they probably spit it out or something, plus is was meant to last"

"Homes your being paranoid. This is why you need a girlfriend, take some of that tension off. Whatever happened to that quarian you had eyes on when we were rolling with Shep?"

"Eh, well, I still keep in contact with her. Have vid chats with her once in awhile" and those talks went well. Most of the time. She didn't really approve of his gangster life, but he didn't really have anywhere else to go.

"Oh, cool. Anyway, I'm sure it's fine Aaron, besides who's gonna find a piece of zin tech on Tuchanka?"

Aaron counted off his fingers. "Oh, I don't know, Council spectre's, Cerberus, one of the governments sniffing around, krogan scavengers…"

Boss held a hand up. "I'm gonna stop you there, why would anyone look there for zin tech? We haven't even heard anything from Cerberus in awhile and most krogan don't have the skill to work with stuff like that since they nuked themselves"

"Well there's some that could, and if that's doesn't work they could sell it to someone. Like the Council, government, terrorist cells like that one called CERBERUS, hell if a krogan finds it and he's stupid enough to announce it to the galaxy there's gonna be secret war between spectre's, spy, STG's, asari commando's- hell, everything that's all black ops style in a species will be gunning for a mech suit that doesn't even work! If we're lucky Tuchanka won't be nuked again!"

"… So your saying this is going to be a problem"

"Yeah. Little"

Boss blew some air out of mouth and sat up, stretching his arms. "Alright man, fine. You've officially ruined my day off. I mean, hey, day of relaxation?" Boss walked off. "Nah, can't have that. Aaron's too worried for things like that, Aaron's too far on the border of being one of those conspiracy nuts for anyone to just chillax, ah naw, can't let shit like that happen"

"You don't have to be a dick about it!" Aaron yelled after Boss.

A minute later he came back in his usual purple clothing, putting his sunglasses. "Hey, I'm the one working on my day off here. And if that's not enough that work involves scavenging on one of the most dangerous planets ever, so hey ho"

He opened and tapped away at his omni-tool, muttering a bit. "Alright, so I'm thinking we're gonna need a Shaundie, maybe a Pierce, ooh, also a couple Gats…"

"Kind of sad it's gotten to the point your referring to us as obj- what the fuck" Aaron deadpanned upon seeing zin rifles in Boss's hands with the names he listed off stamped on them.

"Hmm? Oh, you mean the actual people? Yeah, we should bring them, too"

Aaron opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. "Where… where did you even get those?"

"I carry all my weapons on me. See?" to prove his point Boss pulled a zin plasma launcher from his pocket.

Aaron nodded weakly. Of course he was the many people that knew of Boss's strange way of being able to fit so many weapons in his pockets and being able to switch between sniper rifles and rocket launchers to shotguns and dildo bats instantly. No-one knew how he did it, but it was damn effective.

Boss then put then weapon away, going to a speaker on his omni-tool. "Would Shaundie, Pierce, Gat and Tag please come to the pool at the penthouse?" he asked politely, then looked at Aaron. "Anyone else you wanna bring?" he asked.

Aaron put a finger to his chin. "Grunt and Frelak? They're krogans after all"

"A'ight, Frelak and Grunt, you two get up here too" Boss got off the horn and looked at Aaron. "We get there and the thing's ain't even there I'm going to find a planet with the biggest leaves in the galaxy and make you fan me with them for a hour"

"You wouldn't" Aaron defended, taking a step back and raising his hands.

"Oh I would, Aaron. I would"


"Alright men!" Boss shouted at the top of his lungs, doing his best drill sergeant, hands behind his back and walking back in forth from the lines up people with straight legs. "This mission will be overly simple and ridiculously easy. I'm not going to lie, all of you will survive! Pierce might get exactly one scrape on his knee!"

"But I model with these knees!" Pierce complained, covering his knees.

"Then I suggest you wear kneepads soldier! Now, the mission is -snrrk- I can't talk like this with a straight face, okay ditch the military facade"

Everyone relaxed while Boss explained the situation. "Okay, so since Aaron's being a big old worry McGee over here, he's scared that the robot we came here with that got totaled is a little vulnerable to someone stealing it and reverse engineering it"

"You mean the power armor?" Shaundie question.

Boss held a finger up. "I ain't doing this again. Anyways, we're going to Tuchanka to pick it up"

"Tuchanka?" Frelak asked in surprise, then noticed Grunt getting that maniacal little smirk on his face.

Grunt was always happy to go to his home planet. The opportunity to kill things, share battle with his brother, do battle with his brothers, discuss battles with his brother, plan battles with his brother, just… being a krogan. It felt good on those times.

"Yes, Frelak, Tuchanka" Boss confirmed. "There a problem?"

"No, just haven't been there in forever. Wonder what the place is like now"

"From what Kinzie says it's still a radioactive wasteland"

"Yeah, 'course it is"

"Hey, Boss?" Aaron raised his hand, and Boss nodded, prompting him to continue. "So… krogan still hate me a bit for that one thing way back when. Wanted to know if…"

"I got it covered, now come on" he gestured to the ship parked on the landing pad, everyone walking towards it.


Tuchanka

Now, for any gang to be successful, it needed money, so normally gangs go by through doing one of the main themes of doing illegal things for money, most sticking to one or two themes, those themes usually involving the selling of living thing, selling of drugs, selling of weapons, selling of stolen stuff, hiring protection, or just straight out stealing money.

Well, the Saints were still a gang, so they needed some source of income even thought they did have a juice empire around Saints Flow, but they could always use more income. But, Boss was always choosy.

First were the selling of people, and he only founded in brothels with stripper and gimps, yet no prostitutes, since he seemed to treat women and men of ill repute with a large amount of respect. Many a night Boss would shoot people at his own brothels for being disrespectful.

Drugs, Boss thought were immoral and a bad image for the kids, so that was out the window.

Stealing stuff was touchy. Because of the sheer vastness of the Saints, stealing, stripping, and selling cars wouldn't cut it in terms of finances. So, he could only steal expensive art or priceless cultural pieces to make any profit, and even then sometimes he botched that up, the most memorable moment being when the Statue of Liberty's head was lost in the fireball that was Donovan Hock's party.

Protection, thugs, assassins, contractors, Saints had that covered. They had members all over the galaxy with varying skills, so if anyone ever wanted to hire them for something, they could make good on that, so clientele wasn't much to fret over.

Hacking was always a sure thing for money too. Or banks. Whatever Kinzie felt like doing and if Matt wasn't reading a NyteBlade comic nose deep. And Boss had something to give CID since he didn't do ANYTHING for free.

But, all of that paled in comparison to his most successful business venture next to Saints Flow and his line of Planet Saints cloth stores he had recently opened up along with other Saint-like merchandise, and that was guns.

Beautiful, beautiful guns.

Now, the problem at first was the fact that a lot of people sold guns, so he couldn't just stockpile all the weapons he wanted and sell them, in this market there was always someone with a better price for guns. And, according to Boss, zin energy weapons were a Saints-only technology, so that was out of the question as well. So, they were forced to improvise by taking common weapons and using zin technology to make them… better. Purple Widow being an example.

And thus, with these new guns, Boss conquered the market of guns. Or, at least he would have if he actually sold them to anyone. Boss was very picky when it came to selling these guns, and had a list of people not to sell too, including but not limited to any type of government, Council, terrorist groups, apposing gangs, gun market competitors, or anyone he didn't like. So that made the guns very exclusive.

So what did this have to do with anything? Well, due to Aaron's past escapades, krogan were still mad at him, so Boss had made a compromise with them: one-point-five billion credits worth of ryncol would be shipped to Tuchanka in Aaron's name along with Cleavers to the Urdnot clan, the Saints version of the Claymore shotgun made exclusively for krogans, difference being a faster rate of fire able to five six shots a second, more punch, longer range, almost no recoil so practically anyone could use them, and best of all, purple lights adorning them.

At least, that's what he was hoping as the group was lead to Urdnot Wrex in his camp since he was the only one that ever let's them land here, said krogan looking over on of the Cleavers.

"So you send me shiny new shotguns and replace all the ryncol that was stolen and think that the matter would be settled just like that?" he asked without even taking his eyes of the shotgun.

"Hey. I sent barrels of Saints Flow to every clan as a gesture of goodwill" Boss said, pointing to one of said barrels to prove his point.

"And I appreciate that, but what Aaron did-"

"All right Wrex!" Aaron yelled, stepping up to him. "I made! A mistake! I was in a moment of grieving okay!? I lost a sweet apartment, Cerberus needed blowing up, but I realize now that what I did might have been excessive" he got up on a stone tablet, gesturing his arms out, "so come on! If what Boss did today doesn't repent for what I did two motherfucking years ago, then I invite everyone to take their new super shotguns and shoot me, because I've had it with you all!"

Instantly everyone krogan in the camp aimed their Cleaver's at Aaron, including Wrex. "Hey man I was joking- bleh!" he shouted as hundreds of mass effect round perforated him, blasted him off the rock with blue pixels swarming everywhere.

Wrex grunted as he looked at the shotgun, impressed. "Okay, I'll admit, these are good shotguns"

"I hate all you toads" Aaron groaned as he got up and back to the group, regenerating the wounds as the pixels filled the holes.

"Heh heh…" Wrex chuckled, looking at the shotgun. "These are pretty nice"

Aaron stepped in front of him, glaring through his sunglasses, while Wrex gave an equal glare. Aaron was mad because he kept getting hate from the krogan, while Wrex was just mad in general at Aaron, and the patience of both was starting to wear thing. Fast.

"Wrex, I'm getting tired of all this, so I'll make it simple. Either we're square or I start killing every single krogan I see on this planet until we are"

"Uh, Aaron man…?" Boss asked.

"I'm pissed, okay? I try to make amends with these guys, they keep rejecting it- it's either they forgive me or die"

Some krogan guards growled at Aaron and walked forward, but Wrex held a hand up, and laughed deeply. "Wait, wait," he ordered, "let it go. Aaron, I have to say, few if any have ever made a claim like that, and had the stones to be serious about that. So, either your very overconfident in your abilities or you got a serious quad"

Aaron glowered at Wrex, growling, "Wrex, Wrex Wrex Wrex Wrex. Wrex Wrex Wrex. Wrex? Wrex Wrex. Wrexy boy…" some black and blue electricity arcing around him, causing the few Saints with him to back off. "First of all, I don't have balls anymore. Or internal organs of any kind. Second of all I've killed one and a half reapers since my time here, one single-handedly, attainted the title of the most badass space pirate in the galaxy, and among other things have done stuff that some would think that I have some serious mental issues. So Wrex, if I can do all of that, how legitimate do you think my claim is?"

"Aaron, your pushing it" Wrex growled in return, hefting his new shotgun.

In response Aaron formed a double-barreled shotgun and pressed it against Wrex's face, Wrex pointing his own shotgun at Aaron's face.

"Wrex that gun isn't gonna do shit to my face, my virtual guns pack way more power than regular guns and will blow your face off, I've done it to other krogan before. So you better think long and hard before you pull that trigger"

But Wrex kept chuckling, which further proved to peeve Aaron off. Krogan's always did this, laughed at him for acting all tough. Come to think of it they did that to anyone they liked, so it was a… compliment? Maybe? Aaron didn't really know, but that was a question for another time. But for right now…

Wrex put away the shotgun, the rest of the krogans doing the same. "Alright, your forgiven. I'll spread the word, but don't expect everyone to forget what you did, yet. Gonna take some time to heal those wounds"

"Not all wounds are healed by time…" Aaron muttered. The way Aaorn had said these words had intrigued Wrex, and he was about to ask for further lamination when Aaron yelled, "anyway! Boss, explain to the man what we came here for"

Aaron stepped down, Boss looking at Aaron in a confused fashion, but shrugged it off and went back to business.

"Okay, so here's the deal," Boss started, "remember when we first got here?"

"Yeah. You made even more of a mess of the planet, if that's even possible" Wrex said.

"Well, yeah, sorry about that, but when we left we may have accidentally left something behind, big 'ol suit of metal armor"

"Let me guess. It was zin technology, wasn't it?"

"The correct term is zintek, but yeah, it was"

Wrex sighed deeply, rubbing his face. "That's just great, the last thing I need. You know the galaxy's in a frenzy over that race and their technology, everyone keeps trying to get a piece of it but no-one can-"

"Thanks to this dude"

"-Not to mention everyone's eager to see what's on the other side of that purple mass relay you set up-"

"Entire zin fleet"

"-Great, mystery solved, and Council is willing to go to war with you guys just for the sole reason of the zin being able to create mass relays just like that"

"Well I don't approve of the Council's methods, plus there's the whole 'no AI or biological experimentation or genetic modification'," he made air quotes with his fingers, "and we already broke those laws thousands of times, but they'd probably still let them in the Council just for the technology. And based on those principles I can't let them do that"

Everyone, even Wrex, rolled their eyes. Everyone in the galaxy knew how much he hated them, to some it was just a issue of authority, others just thought he overflexed his power, but everyone in the Saints knew why. He just plain didn't agree with Council laws, AI abolishment, in his opinion, is basically forbidding the creation of artificial life, which in his opinion was like not letting a species be created. Only faker. Genetic modification, in his opinion, was sometimes a necessary thing. Natural evolution was slow as hell, so if a species is technologically advanced enough go create modifications to improve a species, why not speed evolution up for a little, lessen the waiting. Sure, some might not be ready to be jump-started, but hey, some would. Plus medi-gel is technically a violation of the law but they allow it anyway, so being hypocrites is another thing he could add to the wrongness list.

Then he could get on with the whole batarian slavery thing and the fact they don't let quarians inhabit a planet, which is where the problems stem with hypocrisy again. The Council knows for a fact that the zin have violated laws more than the quarians, yet they're still invited to the Council seat with open arms. To Boss, well, that just didn't seem right to him. Even if they joined, which they would never, he didn't know what would happen then. Would the Council keep the zin after harvesting them for their technology? Banish them like the quarians? He didn't know, but he did know he was their Emperor, so he would never let some Councilors who couldn't even run their government right have them.

But, philosophy for another time, they had a suit to track down.

Continuing the conversation, Wrex continued, "well if you did leave something like that here, and the threshers didn't eat it, I want it the hell off Tuchanka. Last thing I need is the clans starting a war just to get a hunk of scrap"

"Say no more, Wrex, but… we kinda need help finding it"

"Ah, well why didn't you say so? What do you need?"

"Help finding it. Local talent wouldn't hurt"

Wrex nodded and stroked his chin, thought for a bit, and looked back up at Boss. "I can give you one truck, four guards, and a tracker"

And on queue, five krogan stomped out from one of the broken-down buildings, four in standard krogan armor and helmets colored gray with blue lights, all surrounding one in the middle.

Now, the strange things about the one in the middle, well… there was a lot. From smallest to biggest was his eyes, his left eye was a deep, crimson red, and seemed to bore into the soul of anyone he stared. His hide was a normal blackish-brownish, so that was okay. Second was the fact he was naked, as in no cloths at all. Third was he was shackled, both wrists cuffed and being held with chains by two guards, a collar on his neck connected to a chain being held by a third guard, while the fourth trailed behind them pointing a Cleaver to his back. Third was that the krogan's three-fingered hands had foot-long talons coming from each finger, his teeth instead of the usual squarish nature of krogan teeth were shark-like, even serrated, and had a long tounge that occasionally slipped out and licked his eyes. And to top it off he was eight feet tall, so there was that, and was unusually lean for a krogan while at the same time unusually ripped, with a eight-pack that looked like it was harder than diamond.

So as the five stomped to the group of eight Saints, they looked up at the large krogan, all stepping back, with Boss leaning in to Aaron's ear and whispering, "don't let it eat me"

The large krogan snorted. "I heard that" he said in a voice so deep and rumbly that Aaron swore he saw some pebbles move. That one voice alone was the deepest he ever heard, and this krogan was starting to scare him more than the one he and Randall fought on the Barn.

"… Homie you want some cloths?" Pierce asked. When all the krogan returned was a cold stare he muttered quickly, "never mind"

"Wrex," Boss said, stepping to the old krogan quickly, "I thought you were giving me a tracker, not flippin' Godzilla!"

"Yeah, well, he is the best tracker on the planet," Wrex shrugged as he looked warily at the large krogan, "also the most dangerous"

"The hell is he" Frelak asked, eyeing the krogan, but not as much as Grunt, who seemed to be sizing the thing up, while said thing seemed to be contemplating whether Grunt was worth eating or not. At least, that's what Frelak assumed do to the creepy grin the large krogan had and the hungry eyes.

"How cute…" the large behemoth rumbled. "He's curious. Recognize that hide. Those eyes. Bred from a strong clan. Smart, fast, strong. Considered too deadly by some" he tilted his head, sniffing. "Been off world. Smell too many scents to place where. Been to a lot of places, traveling. What'd you do?"

"Um… political assassination" Frelak answered.

The large krogan immediately disregarded him. "Work like that requires cunning, shadow-play, stealth. Killing from the shadows. Effective, but only when stalking is it worth anything. Assassination too boring. You," he fixated back on Grunt. "smell something like me. Artificially grown. Smell off-world, too, but you. You have the scent of blood on you. Much blood. Someone who fights up-close. A warrior"

"Your right in saying that," he stepped up to the large krogan, while at the same time pounding his chest. "I'm a proud warrior to krogan, and serve only the one who leads me, my battlemaster. Him," he explained, pointing at Gat.

"Yeah it's true, Gat's the only one he'll listen too" Boss confirmed.

The large krogan snorted again, eyeing each one of the Saints, something that unnerved all of them. "Humans. From clothing I'd say Saints. Gang some in the galaxy respect, some love, hate, fear… you," he looked at Tag, "smell tank-bred, but… different, cloned from him likely due to similar scent and looks" he nodded to Gat, then looked at Aaron. "You have no scent. Can't call you synthetic, even they have a scent they all share, metal and oil. You… have nothing. What are you?"

"Virtual gangster. One of a kind" Aaron said, pointing a thumb at him and smiling. The large krogan just growled and looked away from the group, having lost interest with them.

"Well I think he's proved himself" Wrex said, looking back at the Saints.

"Yeah, he proved he gives off the serial-killer vibe and creeps out anyone he talks too. Wrex, you gonna explain, well, everything to us?" Aaron asked.

Wrex sighed, then nodded. "Not much to explain. We found him living in a old facility, salarian, found some salarian skeletons, but they were about fifty years old"

"Salarian doing experiments on krogan still? Yeah, doesn't surprise me. STG?" Aaron guessed.

Wrex just shrugged. "Dunno, maybe. Found a bunch of eight-foot tubes, dozens, all but one was full of liquid and deformed krogan bodies. Except one, which was broken out"

"So he's…" Boss was starting to get uneasy from this story, and the large krogan wouldn't stop staring at him.

"Yeah. Some kind of tank-bred, but as you can see, not really normal. Don't know what they did to him to make him like this, might've changed him, might've spliced some other genes in, I don't know. From what we pieced together he broke out of his tank, killed all the salarians in the facility with his bare hands, ate the bodies, then spent fifty years living on his own, off the land"

Boss was almost too afraid to ask, but he did anyway. "So… how'd ya catch him?"

"Sent a dozen men to that facility for scavenging. He killed them with his hands, ate them hole. Then we found out he really likes the taste of krogan blood"

The large krogan chuckled, causing Wrex to pause, but he continued. "so we sent a battalion to get him, seemed too dangerous. Wasn't easy getting him, the freak regenerates like no others. Tried concentrating all his fire on his legs, they just grew back when they were blown off. Eventually he got worn down, been chained ever since"

"And he's gonna help us how…?"

"Well he lived a long time by himself, added anything the salarians pumped into his brain when making him, he's a damn good tracker. Should help you get your power armor"

"Robot" Boss said through gritted teeth, Wrex looking at Aaron in confusion, who just shook his head and said, "don't get him started on it"

"Okay… I won't" Wrex shook his head, rubbing his plates. Humans were always so confusing, Saints even more so. "Anyway, just take a truck and go"

"Alright. So, what do we name him?" Boss asked, gesturing to the mutant krogan.

"Name. Huh, hadn't thought of one"

"Hannibal it is then, let's roll!" Boss shouted, pointing to a awaiting truck. Hannibal grunted, the guards dragging him to the truck while the Saints piled in with them, Tag at the wheel as he peeled out of the garage and into the desolate wasteland that was Tuchanka.

And as soon as they left, Wrex turned to one of his subordinates. "Get me some of that ryncol. Every time I have to talk to one of them I get a headache"


"On the road again! 'Cause we be on the road again~"

"Aaron if you don't knock that shit off right now…"

"Fine. Geez, Boss the music critic"

"I'm not a music critic, I'm just not a country person"

"You've never even been to the country!"

"And I plan to keep it that way"

On the roads of Tuchanka, roads being rubble that could be driven over by a truck compared to the rest of the rubble in the ashen desert, said truck was driving to where Boss had marked 'the area near the area where we ditched the robot', so it wasn't exactly distinct.

"So Boss, what do you think of Earl Crazycakes over their?" Pierce questioned, nodding his head to Hannibal and his guards who were sitting at the end of the interior of the truck.

"I trust him about as far as I can throw him" Boss answered, and it was the truth. Krogan wasn't exactly holding the best record for social skills, and the fact he needed guards around him all the time didn't make him any more agreeable with.

"Well, unless your on soda power or wearing the power suit, I doubt you could get much distance on him" Shaundie noted, pointing out Hannibal's large physique.

"Hey I'm muscular! You try throwing the Oleg equivalent of a krogan"

"Uh-huh, right, hey other me!" Gat shouted, banging on the wall separating the rooms to get Tag's attention. "We there yet?"

"Uh-huh, we here" Tag confirmed, the truck screeching to a stop, everyone piling out.

They seemed to be in the same area Aaron had first found them in, and Hannibal instantly noticed it and observed the surroundings. "Hn, sands left it's mark here. Couldn't cover thresher acid though," he pointed to some blackish/greenish scorch marks, "this where you lost the suit?"

"Yeah, looks like it" Aaron looked around, shrugging and saying, "don't see a suit anywhere though"

"Great, suit's eaten, that mean we can go?" Boss really wanted to get back to his day off, and secretly he was hoping something like this would happen just so he could leave.

"Not necessarily" Hannibal interjected, " threshers could have dragged the suit off, try to finish it for later. Wait…" he knelt down, ran one of his talons across the sand, and licked it off his talon.

"Um, how the sand taste?" Pierce asked.

"You, need to be quiet. Make too much noise, sands sifting out of place. Sign that something's coming"

"Like…?"

"Thresher" Hannibal said simply. Right on queue, the ground started shaking, everyone taking their guns out and looking around, trying to find out the source of the tremors.

They didn't have to look very far, as a plume of sand raced towards them, everyone turning to it and firing, thought it did little as it went under one of the guards that held Hannibal, specifically the one holding his collar, and he was dragged away as tentacles wrapped around the guards feet, dragging him away as the plume left them, Hannibal being dragged with the guard, the others losing their hold and running after the mutant krogan.

The Saints were about to do the same when suddenly Pierce screamed, everyone looking behind him to see another plume of sand grab him, dragging him around everywhere.

"Ah! Oh man help me ah lordy help me!" Pierce pleaded and screamed at the same time, the thresher dragging him around in a circle around the Saints, who just kind of… stood there, watching it.

"Should we help him?" Aaron turned to Boss, who shrugged.

"Eh, he does this all the time. Remember that time he rode a thresher maw for that Saints Flow commercial?"

"Yeah but that one was tamed and had a electric collar on it. Along with the drugs the trainer pumped in it"

"Shit your right, kill that thing!"


Well, to be fair, being dragged by a thresher maw is a terrifying experience. Most krogan realize that if something like this happens, your dead. No going back. End of the line. Game over.

So, it would stand to reason that the one krogan that happened to have been grabbed would panic, and seeing the predicament he was in, it would stand to reason he would let go of the chain he was holding to try and pry the thresher tentacle off of his ankle. This was futile as a thresher maw would never let someone go once it grabbed them, so this was a large mistake that the krogan realized as it was dragged off to parts unknown, probably about to be eaten.

But the true mistake was letting that chain go.

Because, once Hannibal got up and realized no-one was holding said chains, he immediately took the opportunity to rip the chains off, and was immediately under fire from the other three krogan guards by the Cleavers.

Continuous fire rained upon him, tearing his skin to chunks and sending him to his knees, but as the thermal clips ejected from the guns they realized with horror that, not only was he still alive, his wounds were regenerating at an alarming rate, and he was already up on his feet and walking towards them, most of his wounds closed.

One brave krogan guard tried to use his gun to bat Hannibal, but he didn't even get very close before the tank-grown gripped the guard's helmet with one hand, crushing it and tossing him aside, slamming him into a rock. The other two quickly tried to load new clips into their guns once they saw this, but proved to no avail as Hannibal was on them instantly, plunging his three talons into the abdomen of one, not even giving the regular krogan time to grunt in pain before thrusting his hand sideways, cutting the guard completely in half, while the other one was slapped hard enough by Hannibal to send his to the ground, the guard screaming in pain as he rested his foot on the guard's head, slowly pressing down harder and harder until a that satisfying wet CRUNCH was heard and his head was crushed.

And after slaughtering the three guards, Hannibal was about to walk away when he heard groaning, and saw the krogan who's helmet he had crushed struggling to get his broken helmet off. So upon seeing this, Hannibal smiled, walking over to the defeated guard and wasting no time in plunging his hand into the guards stomach, ripping out as much entrails as possible before sticking his mouth into the hole, ignoring the guards scream.

And in doing this, he began to eat, and eat, and eat…


"Yo look out the way!" Aaron yelled, dangling by his leg on the tentacle of the thresher maw. By now the 'maw was fully out of the ground, and had ensnared all of the Saints flinging them around with it's tentacles.

And, to admit, Aaron wasn't even sure if it was a adult thresher maw, due to it's small size it was only about thirty feet tall to the ground it was sticking out of.

But, the Saints were getting sick of being flung around like rag dolls, so naturally Aaron had sliced his way out of the tentacle, Boss shot his way out, Shaundie shot her way out, Gat stabbed his way out, Tag tore his way out, Grunt bit his way out, Frelak forced his way out, Pierce… well he was still trapped, but at least he was making an effort at getting out.

So everyone that did get out got up and dusted themselves off, Shaundie was the first to ask, "so what now?"

"Shoot it is what we do now!" Boss ordered, everyone taking up guns and firing upon the thresher maw.

And, due to the versatility and the face Aaron was firing rockets at it, it didn't take long for the maw to fall. Which, admittedly, was surprising seeing as they were notoriously hard for killing.

"Well that was easy" Aaron shrugged as he went over to the threshers body to find Pierce tangled in tentacles, and helped him up.

"Why am I the one that keeps getting into these things?" he wondered sadly.

"Meh, you provide the comedic relief for the group"

"Eh, guess your right"

"Guys," Gat called out, pointing in a direction, "pretty sure that's a problem"

Boss went over to Gat, holding a hand over his eyes to see what he was seeing. "I don't know what-" and then he saw the corpses of the krogan guards. "Oh. Problem"

Upon seeing this, all the Saints ran over to the three bodies, all a little appalled to see one in half, one with a crushed head, and one in pieces after he was eaten alive.

"Aw man, aw man!" Pierce screamed, holding his head and pacing frantically. "We got a mad super-krogan on the loose and he wants to eat us! We're dead, we're so so so dead!"

While Pierce was having his panic attack, Aaron leaned in to Boss's ear and whispered, "is this a thing we should worry about?"

"Pierce's mental health or the loose mutie krogan?"

"The second one"

"Fuck naw, we got this homes. He comes a runnin' we'll shoot his ass"

"Yeah, but he's got regeneration. According to Wrex pretty good regeneration, too"

"Yeah well cauterized wounds from laser guns are harder to regen than regular bullet wounds, we got Gat and super Gat, we got YOU, and we got me"

"You don't have your super suit, though. Or anyone with power armor" why Boss chose today off all days to get the power armors and the power suit dry-cleaned was beyond him. But hey, Boss liked his toasty-freshness.

"Meh, still got guns, anyways guys!" Boss turned to the rest of the Saints, "we may have lost our tracker. And he may be hunting us now, but that, you know, whatever. We'll find the suit, get rid of it, go back to the truck, go back, we're gold! So let's go"

And with that, Boss marched off in a random direction, the rest looking at each other, shrugging, and following Boss on his trek to try and find the suit by sheer luck at this point.


Not even a hour later

"Goddamn it's hot" Boss panted, dragging his feet.

"Dude, it's like… sixty-five. If anything we're in the middle of nuclear winter"

"Yeah, tell me about it. Trekking through this alien nuclear winter almost makes me wish for nuclear wint- ow!" a large clang rebounded once Boss's foot hit something metal. "You piece of metal-"

Boss was about to kick said piece of metal again, but Frelak stopped him. "Wait, Boss. That tint on the metal, is that…?"

"Shit yo right, that be zin metal" he bent down and picked it up, examining the chunk. "Uh-huh, definitely from the suit. Which means…" he looked at the ground and pointed at the spot where he found the chunk, and traced it upwards in a straight like until he saw…

"Well damn" Boss cursed upon seeing something that made everyone groan, and that was a small ship bearing the yellow and white colors of Cerberus, it even had the giant insignia on the side.

"Who called it, motherfucker" Aaron immediately said, leaning in closer to Boss.

"… You did…" Boss answered, barely above a whisper.

"WHO CALLED IT!" Aaron yelled, his voice intensifying.

"You did! Damn it man, you called it, you were right, I was wrong not to be worried, what do you want from me!? You want my damn crown!?"

"… Do you actually have a crown 'cause…"

"Pfft, you ain't getting my crown"

"Fine"

"Guys, did you, uh, not notice the mutilated bodies in the ship?" Gat pointed out, spotting the slaughtered bodies of Cerberus troopers and scientists spewed everywhere out front.

Too slaughtered…

"Well I guess Hannibal's been here" Frelak guessed.

"Guess your right" Boss agreed, then starting walking towards the ship. "C'mon, let's go"

They all gathered at the ship, going inside to find everyone dead, torn to pieces.

"So… anyone wanna split up?" Aaron suggested.

"No way" everyone had said, Aaron nodding in understanding.

So, the group moved through the corridors. Everywhere they looked there was shattered doors, bodies everywhere. Not one single survivor, but they still had to look to see if Cerberus really was looking for the suit.

"Man, this is like one of them horror films" Pierce muttered, clutching his zin rifle tightly as his eyes darted everywhere.

"What are you talking about?" Shaundie groaned while she rolled her eyes. Boss always had her deal with Pierces shenanigans, and frankly, sometimes they drained her. Honestly she wished Boss would take him off her hands at times.

"Well I mean we got the group going through these narrow corridors, blood and gore everywhere, and then the camera zooms in to the killer stalking closer, closer, and closer to the group, until…"

"He get's ya!" Aaron screamed, popping up in front of Pierce, causing him to yelp.

"Don't do that!" he yelled, putting a hand over his heart. "Damn brother almost gave me a heart attack…"

"Oh please, what's Hannibal gonna do, stick his hand out the-" Aaron was cut off as a giant, krogan hand smashed through the wall to the left of them, grabbing Aaron's face and pulling his body through the hole.

"Shit, get ready!" Boss barked, everyone readying their weapons, Grunt letting out a deep chuckle.

But, not really to their surprise, Hannibal was tossed back through the wall, Aaron cracking his knuckles. "Shoulda' thought twice before messing with the guy that has super strength"

"Heh heh, I knew there was something special about you… look at your waste?"

Aaron looked down, tilting his head once he saw a large vertical slice in his waist… which immediately healed. "Yeah, that doin' nothing for me my man"

Confused, Hannibal roared and charged at Aaron, but was stopped mid-run when Grunt smacked him in the jaw with his shotgun. Hannibal focused his attention on Grunt, and raised his hand to bisect the smaller krogan when a zin shotgun was leveled right at his face, and fired, Frelak shooting him in the face again and again, the rest of the Saints doing the same. But, it was to no avail as Hannibal just regenerated from the wounds and charged at the group again.

But then, in a flash of purple, he was grabbed by the waist and flipped on his back by Tag, who had instantly transformed into his super form. Hannibal tried to grab Tag, but the hand trying to grab him was cut off by Aaron's sword, Tag using his biotics to pin the mutant down.

"So… your going to kill me?" Hannibal asked Aaron and Boss as both stood over him, blue and purple swords in hand.

"Well from our position this is self defense. Just sayin'" Boss said.

"Just… why man? Why would you do this?" Aaron was sincere with the statement, didn't seem like a krogan, even a mutant one to act out like this.

"Was made like this. Made to kill. Blame STG for that" Boss and Aaron looked at each-other, shaking their heads at the mention of the name. "Everything in me told me to kill, so kill I did. Survived. Dunno after awhile if I was just following the programming or trying to find someone to kill me" he smiled. "Guess I found 'em. Suit you have been looking for is down the corridor. Found it while hunting. Guess I finished one job"

"Yeah… ya did" and with that, both swords plunged into the krogan's chest, bursting both of his hearts, Aaron taking his out and cutting his head off.

And as the head rolled along the ground… he smiled. Smiles at finally being released.

"So…" Aaron and in turn Boss turned the swords off, the other Saints holstering the weapons. "Get the robot?"

"Yeah… get the robot"


So after a bit of looking around, they did find the mech, albeit in melted and disassembled pieces, shoved in a large research room. From what files Shaundie had pulled they actually did come and try to reverse-engineer the suit, but it was too damaged to glean anything from, and they all died at Hannibal's hands, so Boss decided to just blow the ship from orbit.

So when the group did get back to camp and walk past Wrex, the first thing he asked is where his guards were.

"They all died. We killed the big guy" Boss had informed.

Wrex seemed… indifferent, really, sure he was a bit miffed that he lost four good guards, but he didn't seem to care about Hannibal, but Boss had brushed it off.

And now there they were, on the bridge of the Fleur De Lis, plasma missiles aimed at the Cerberus ship.

"Is this really the best idea? Bombing a already-bombed planet?" Sounded pretty counterintuitive to Aaron.

Boss scoffed at this. "Meh, they ain't nuclear"

"And you don't want the suit?"

"Psh, we got hundreds of those things. Fire!" with this order, purple balls befell the ship, causing a massive explosion and Boss to nod to Zinkle, who turned the ship around and flew it to the nearest around.

"Well… that was a adventure" Pierce said.

"Yeah, but on the bright side I get my day off" Boss always tried to look on the bright side of things, so it looked like it was one of those moments. "Relaxin' and chillin' listing to my music, enjoying my day off- and I just realized I left the z-pod on"

"So?" Aaron questioned.

"Eh, the batteries on 'em suck. Meh, I'll just get another one. I own the company that makes 'em after all"

And, with that, the ship returned to Illium, so Boss could go back to his day of linear entertainment.


A/N- Too rushed? Feels rushed. Motivations thinning. Gotta go fast and finish these episodes so I can get back to the other story.

So yeah, uh, not much else, cya.