A/N- To episode!


MASS MISCALCULATION

Episode 32- Flow attack


Saints Flow was a interesting little enigma once it hit the alien markets galaxy-wide. Especially with the face of the energy drink, which was Pierce who endorsed all Saint product.

The galaxies first response to the drink was, honestly, a little underwhelming, since mostly humans drank it due to it being a human drink and other species had their own brand drinks. Plus turians and quarians couldn't drink it.

So, they did what all big drink companies did, and that was to go to broader ranges, such as making the drink actually taste good, more carbonization, more flavors (most of which were grape), diet, sponsors, dextro versions, and just the fact the product was Saints-merch got the ball rolling pretty fast.

And Pierce loved it. He liked being a celebrity, the publicity, and Saints Flow was his baby, and he was it's face, so he wanted nothing but the best for it. But, it was falling behind in market, which is why he started looking for ways to make it better.

And that's what started the entire disaster…


Penthouse

But before said disaster, Pierce had told his concerns to Boss, who really didn't want to be here right now.

"Look Boss, the thing about Saints Flow is other energy drinks are starting to get a better market on it, people are getting bored! I've tried everything from new flavors to smaller and smaller and larger and larger cans, nothings working!"

Boss for his part nodded and 'hmm'd' and 'mhmh' as long as he could, but the act stopped now. "Look, Pierce…" he got up and put a hand on his shoulder, "Saints Flow… maybe it's a good thing the stuff's getting less popular, I mean it'd be bad if people found out what this stuff does to your health, even worse if they find out what we put in this shit. I mean I still can't tell Aaron one of the secret ingredients is tiger milk 'cause he's so imprinted on that damn comic of his. You know I had to change the codes on the time machine and the trans-dimensional portal and kidn-"

Pierce groaned and shrugged Boss's hand off, putting his hands together and pleading Boss. "I don't care about that, man! I can't let my baby fall behind like this! I need your help!"

"… Your baby?"

"Yeah, there a problem with that?"

Boss rolled his eyes. "No- look, how about this. Viola's trying to push something that I think is a bad idea, I can't deal with this right now. But, I'll cut you a deal. If you find something to replace the other secret ingredient in Saints Flow so there isn't a chance that it'll cause child defects so we can get the warning label off I'll see about getting the Flow back on top. Even'll pay a li'l visit to the other drink companies. And if you find something to replace tiger milk I'll cameo myself in a commercial, because I really don't want Aaron to find out that ingredient and flip out over it" one day, Boss vowed, he would get Aaron off that damn comic. Posters in his room were starting to creep him out…

"Really!?" that look of hope in Pierce's eyes… yeah that creeped Boss out, too.

"Sure, buddy" Boss patted Pierce's shoulder, then heard his omni-tool ring. "Shit, that's Viola, I gotta go. Good luck!" he walked off, and Pierce immediately ran to the ship, hoping to go to the zin fleet.

If he was going to find anything new to put in the drink, the zin were sure to have it.


The purple relay spinning as the Fleur De Lis exited it, Pierce gazed out at the zin fleet, warships everywhere and in the middle the gear-shaped mothership, noew with purple lights, where most of the zin lived, scientific experiments went on, and other miscellaneous tasks were performed. No-one outside the Saints knew that Boss had the most powerful fleet and the zin's home base beyond the relay, and Boss wanted to keep it that way so he had his ultimate 'trump card' against, well, everyone.

So, the ship docked, Pierce walking into it and was immediately met with Zinny, chief engineer.

"Yo, Zinny!" Pierce yelled.

"Pierce!" the two high-fived, kinda awkward since Zinny didn't have five fingers, but it was ignored. "You come here to get something for the Boss?"

"Nah man, I actually need your help," Pierce motioned to go inside the mothership, both walking in and talking, Pierce explaining, "I actually need some outside help here"

"You want a jetpack, don't you. People keep asking for a jetpack" Zinny deadpanned. Out of all the amazing things he and his fellow engineers could create, all Boss ever asked for repeatedly was a jetpack. And he could easily make one, but he had better stuff to do and just kept saying he couldn't make one. Hopefully Boss would never remember the mech suit has a jetpack.

"Nah, don't need no jetpack, you know my drink, Saints Flow?"

Zinny shuddered at the mention of that name. Of course he remembered that cursed energy drink, Zinny could never stomach it. It wasn't that zin couldn't drink it, any species could, Zinny just didn't like how it tasted. "Yeah… why?"

"Well Saints Flow is falling behind in the market and Boss said he'll only help if I find something to replace the secret ingredient"

"The tiger milk?"

"No, the other one"

Again, Zinny shuddered. Boss had strictly ordered everyone involved with manufacturing the drink to never, EVER mention that particular ingredient. The ingredient itself was never to be spoken of, and on moral grounds couldn't and shouldn't be spoken of, and if the galaxy ever found out the Saints' image would likely be destroyed just on the moral ground of what the ingredient was.

And Zinny knew what that ingredient was. But it was too unspeakable to speak of, but it was also the only thing that gave Saints Flow the combination of energy and unique flavor.

Zinny sighed, shaking his head. "That's a tall order, Pierce. Not a lot of things measure up to the abilities that ingredient has. Very few"

"Well, can you check? I need this man. And if you could find something to replace tiger milk too that'd be awesome"

"I'm not a miracle worker" Zinny snapped as he brought up a tablet.

Pierce shied away. "Fine, fine, just the… other ingredient… then"

"Okay, fine. I'm only doing this because you're a good friend" not many people knew that Pierce often hung out with the zin, especially Zinny. Probably because they had so much in common, like Boss's pestering.

But, wasting not time, Zinny began swiping and typing on the tablet, his eyes scanning the screen. "Okay, so, as chief engineer I'm able to access the inventory of any and all substances the zin empire has available to them to find the most efficient materials when inventing-slash-upgrading things"

"A'ight, sounds legit"

"So, using this I'll look up all substances we have with some filters to make sure it can be used as a viable ingredient for a energy drink so it can be successfully replace the ingredient and that it has the same properties without the chance of pregnant mothers drinking it causing their children to have birth defects. Alright, first result… looks like a soluble isotope that could make the soda to glow"

"Well that sound cool"

"Yeah, but it causes brain cancer"

Pierce immediately shook his head. He needed something with less symptoms, not more. "What else you got?"

"Hmm, let's see, nope. Uh-uh. That's too radioactive… I don't know what to tell you, man. Most of these are pretty deadly"

Pierce's shoulder's dropped. He was really hoping to get his baby back on top, but if nothing could top that ingredient, it's open-market value was doomed.

"Oh, wait wait wait…" Pierce's hopes rose again once Zinny said these words, "something just came up, 'Chemical Z'… huh, it's not letting me get much info on it. Weird, only Boss could make something secret like that"

"Chemical Z? What's that mean?"

"Dunno, probably something Zinyak made in his time and he put a 'z' on it like everything else. Not letting me pull up why, though"

"So does that mean we can't get it?"

"No, just means we don't know what it does, I can request a sample of it, replace the ingredient in a can of soda, we'll have someone drink it, monitor for any problems, and if it checks out it checks out"

"Dunno man, sounds sketchy" normally if Pierce ever encountered substances that he didn't know what they did, he avoided them.

"Hey, it's your only hope. I'll use it as a replacement, have someone drink it, monitor them, and get back to you tomorrow"

"Alright, fine. See ya later" Pierce walked off to go home, while Zinny got to work on making the new Saints Flow.


"Okay. Now drink it" instructed Zinny behind the blast screen door. As per the request, he had made the new Saints Flow Pierce had requested, so now it was a matter of using the latest of zin monitoring technology to see what happens if someone were to drink it, represented by a random zin with a bunch of suction diodes on him.

So, doing as told, the generic zin drank the can, Zinny scrutinizing the screens to see if anything was changing. And, to his surprise, his vitals were reading normal except for the small boost in energy.

Now, normally Zinny should monitor the subject for longer, and/or use multiple ones, but he had better stuff to do than test soda, and it looked fine. So, despite everything yelling at him to keep testing, he relinquished and decided the soda was good enough.

"Alright, were good. Go back to doing whatever" Zinny said as he walked off, the zin subject tearing the suction diodes off and shaking his head.

"Man," he slurred, "that stuff is strong. Br… b-I need some food from the cafeteria" he finally decided, walking away from the testing area.


Three days later

"You ever think we should hold a pool party on the pool behind the landing pad?" Boss asked Aaron, who were both chilling in the penthouse.

"A party?" he questioned.

"Yeah, well, back in Steelport when I took the crib this crib was modeled after they were having a giant pool party, so I parachuted into the pool and shot all the guys shooting me and just, you know, took it"

"Is that why when we all set up here there was roman statues where the Saintgels are?" Aaron asked, referring to the giant Saint statues in the glass cases.

"Meh, blame Loren. Anyway, pool party?"

"I don't know anything about pool parties, soo… hell if I know, sure, go nuts"

And at that moment, Pierce strolled into the penthouse, smug look on his face as he strutted over to the two, yelling, "guess what Boss, I did it!"

"Oh I need to sit down for this one…" Boss muttered as he flopped down on the couch, Aaron leaning on a column. "So Pierce, what'd ya do?" was Boss's opening question.

"I replaced the secret ingredient!" Pierce squealed, dancing from foot to foot. Aaron almost swore he was glowing purple.

"Wait hold up, the secret ingredient or the other ingredient?" a interested Boss asked. If what Pierce was telling was true than he had just bought Saints Flow's ticket out of that warning label.

"The other one" Pierce answered.

"Just the other one?"

"Uh-huh, yeah"

"Well then no commercial"

"Aww…" well there were always body doubles.

"So what are we talking about here?" Aaron interjected, stepping from the wall and sitting on the other side of the couch.

Boss pointed to Pierce. "Well, apparently Pierce just replaced the other secret ingredient to Saints Flow"

Aaron tilted his head. "The slightly cancerous one or the one you won't tell me about?"

"The first one, anyway!" Boss wanted to get off that topic as possible to allude suspicion from Aaron, and asked, "how'd you do it?"

Then Pierce adopted an ever smugger look, getting into a storytelling stance while Boss and Aaron shook their heads, and he began to explain. "Well, you see I needed the perfect product to meet the demand, so I went to my main man Zinny, and he hooked me up with all kinds of chemicals that would have worked but they were worse, but then we found one that actually did the trick"

"Huh, well that sure was lucky" Aaron remarked.

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find. Was all black-op covered and everything, Zinny said he couldn't pull up nothing on it"

Once Boss heard that, his relaxation on the couch grew rigid, and he looked at Pierce. "What, uh… what was the name of the chemical?"

"Chemical Z! Sounded weird, so we just assumed it was a Zinyak thing"

At that moment, all the color drained from his face, a look of utter shock on his as he bolted from the couch and gripped Pierce's shoulder's firmly, shaking him rapidly while screaming, "PIERCE! OH MY GOD NO! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU DONE DONE!?"

"No I don't! And stop shaking me, damn!" Pierce shook Boss off, dusting himself off while Boss was hyperventilating and holding his head and muttering under his breath. Seeing this, Pierce asked, "well what's the worst Chemical Z can do anyways? And what is Chemical Z anyways?"

But Boss didn't answer him, he just paced while muttering to himself. "I told Viola it was a bad idea, ever since Arapice she had the idea, shoulda never brought her on that job, but no, she just couldn't listen to me…"

"Yo, what the hell Arapice got to do with this?" Aaron got up off the couch and backed away from Boss, who was still freaking out.

"Aaron, Chemical Z is the zombie gas STAG made," Boss said grimly, Aaron holding his head and turning around, cursing, while Boss stared at Pierce. "Pierce, you just put zombie juice in the new Saints Flow!"

"I didn't know!" Pierce shouted, hands on his mouth in horror when he realized what he just did. If anyone found out about this, Saints Flow would be ruined, they would kill his baby!

Rounding on Boss, Pierce shouted, "and why did you have zombie gas just sitting around anyways!?"

"It wasn't me, okay!?" Boss defended, raising his hands. "Look, Viola wanted to use zombies as a bioweapon, maybe sell them, so she used the time machine and portal to go back and steal a sample of zombie gas from Arapice and had the zin make a few barrels, then I found out and stopped her"

"Wait," Aaron looked back at Boss, "so Viola can go back and get one of the most dangerous bioweapons possible, but I can't go back and kidnap-"

"What you tried to do was creepy and wrong, and what she did is wrong too because she did it behind my back" he explained.

"And you didn't burn the barrels because…?"

"I was going to burn them, until someone used it to replace the other ingredient!" he gestured to Pierce.

Pierce stepped back, not wanting to take the blame, and tried to reason with the two, who were both sending death glares at him. "Okay okay wait, we had a zin drink it and he was fine!"

Boss but a hand on his chin, nodding. "Alright alright, maybe… maybe that means Chemical Z doesn't work in liquid form, the original was made so you had to breath the gas constantly for five minutes before turning, but if you stopped being exposed before you turned you were fine, maybe the body processes the liquid too fast!"

"Yeah, yeah that's got to be it" Aaron agreed, flopping back on the couch and grabbing the remote. "I'm sure it's all fine, so let's all just chill the fuck out, watch some TV, it's all good" he turned the TV on, Aaron scowling when the first thing that showed up was a emergency newscast with a asari reporter on the streets.

"This is 'Illium and us', I'm reporter Liene and behind me, are what appear to be everyday citizens who appeared to have gone mad," the camera bot zoomed into a pack of people of varying species tearing into a man, "reports of this have been popping up all over Illium, with-"

Aaron flipped the channel, chuckling nervously while Pierce and Boss had a worried look on their face. "I'm, uh, I'm sure that was just one of them cheesy movies with a new report in the beginning to outline what's going on before cutting to the post-apocalypse, you know?" the virtual gangster tried to reason as the next channel flipped on to another news report, a man with graying hair in a news room.

"Thanks Jon, now in other news reports are coming in from what seem to be a outbreak of some kind of disease causing pedestrians to become rabid," a small screen popped up showing zombies chasing people, "Citizens are advised to stay away from the infected at all cost and await further instruction, back to you Tim"

The camera panned to another newsman. "Thanks Bob, now the weather in anticipated to be-"

Boss and Pierce were now sweating as Aaron changed the channel again, reasoning, "yeah TV nowadays, huh? J-just copying all the movies, I'm sure it's, just fine ya know…?"

The third channel cut to another reporter asari, except this time she was screaming as a few zombies tore into her, the airvan driving off to escape another pack of zombies coming for them.

Aaron threw the remote as Boss and Pierce hung their heads. "Alright! Fine, we got zombies all over the galaxy now, just great, fucking great"

"No, not the galaxy, the new Flow is just in Illium as a trial run" Pierce explained.

Aaron nodded, "okay, that's good. So I suggest, we pack everything up, somehow rip the crib out of the ground, stick it in Omega or somewhere, blow this planet up, problem solved!"

Boss shook his head, disproving the idea. "Aaron, too many people live on the planet to blow up"

"We ain't got a choice here, Boss! Eventually people are gonna find out that the only people who became zombies drank the new Saints Flow, the- the Zombie Flow, put two an' two together, then Saints are gonna get blacklisted from everything, we've got to do something!"

"How about we kill all the zombies?" Pierce suggested.

Boss and Aaron both gave him a deadpan look, causing him to shrink back. "Pierce, in what zombie movie or videogame has that ever worked?" Boss questioned.

"… Was jus' a idea…" he murmured.

"Okay, um, um, how about this, can we cure them?" Aaron asked.

Boss and Pierce glanced at each other, Boss asking, "can we?"

"Well, maybe. I dunno" Pierce shrugged, never thinking of this idea. In hindsight they probably should have thought of this first.

"Alright, well are these the types of zombies where they're still alive and it's just mutating rabies or the types of zombies where they die and come back to life?" Aaron questioned, "because one of these we can cure. One we cannot" zin technology went very far, but they were still working on reversing death.

"Um, the first one I think" Boss answered, at least he was going by his logic of 'moving things were still alive'. Zombies were just messed up, maybe the zin could un-mess them.

"Then this could work, hang on, I'll go dial up Zinny" Pierce went to his room to go call Zinny, while at the same time Robert came in, drinking a cup of something.

"You guys see what's going on outside?" he asked, while Boss and Aaron whipped their heads at him.

"Robert what's in that drink!?" a panicked Aaron asked, Robert leaning his head back and answering, "coffee"

"Oh," Boss sighed in relief, "good"

But, Robert wasn't taking the sign of relief, and asked yet again, "seriously. What's going on outside?"

"Oh, Pierce accidentally laced the new Saints Flow with zombie juice and it's turning people into zombies" Aaron answered in a tone that seemed like it was normal. The sad part was that for them, it was normal.

Robert just stared at Aaron, trying to see if he was serious, and once he made sure he was, Robert just shook his head. "Right, well, you guys don't really pay me enough to deal with zombies, so I'm just gonna go back to the ship, do some calibrations, maybe get some coffee and shoot some zombies on the way. Later"

He then walked off, Aaron and Boss exchanging glances when they heard, "'sup Gat?" as he left, another voice that belonged to Gat answering, "yo" as he came into the living room, drinking, to Boss and Aaron's horror, a can of Saints Flow.

Upon seeing their shocked faces, he looked at them and asked, "what's wrong with you guys?"

"Gat…" Boss started slowly, "is that a old or new can of Saints Flow?"

"Oh, the new one. Wanted to see if it tasted any better. It doesn't" he skillfully tossed the can all the way to a trashcan in the kitchen, and was about to turn around when he was tackled to the ground, and found himself curious as to why Aaron had formed and was pointing a shotgun at his face while Boss started panicking again.

"Oh man, not again, I don't want a Zombie Gat again…" he murmured as Aaron glanced at him, still pointing the shotgun at Gat.

"Again?" Aaron inquired.

"Yeah, well, back in Steelport I found this zombie who looked like Gat and he helped me kill some guys, then I found out it was just a cosplayer from Arapice, but this is real, man! I mean he has the gammy leg so he'll get a bit of a stumble, but-"

"Didn't he get the zin to fix that, though?"

"Ah shit, you right" one of the feats Gat was known for was taking a shotgun blast to the knee and being able to keep on going and walked normally as soon as it was healed, but unfortunately the leg had become gammified. Fortunately zin technology managed to completely heal his knee to the point where it was better than his other knee and he had to have surgery on both of them just to keep them equal in terms of performance, and even though his knee was fixed legend had it he could still predict lightning storms with it.

"So can I asked why the hell I got a gun pointed at my face?" a lot of things had been pointed at Gat in life, especially guns, so he didn't especially like it if one was pointed at said face, even if it was by a friend.

"Well Gat," Aaron began, "Pierce basically screwed up in the new Saints Flow product-"

"It's cancer, isn't it?"

"No, just… zombism, you know?"

"Oh. Well damn" he looked between the two, and shook his head. "C'mon guys, it's me. You really think some messed-up energy drink's gonna turn me into a zombie? Use that big brain of yours, Boss"

Boss tilted his head. "What'd you just call big?"

Gat's face froze, and he looked at his hands, and muttered, "did I just say he had a big brain? Why the hell do I care he has a big brain?"

"You know, fun fact, the size of a brain doesn't actually dictate intelligence, you see-" Aaron began, but Gat coughed, effectively cutting him off.

"Shut up about brains…" he groaned, Boss moving aside as he stumbled to the couch, crouching down on it.

Aaron looked at Boss for help, Boss just shrugging, then they heard footsteps and looked behind them to see Pierce walking back.

"Pierce, you better have good news" Boss wasn't losing Gat again. Or dealing with Zombie Gat again, because killing the last one was enough of a hassle.

Pierce's eyes widened once he saw Gat on the couch. "Oh shit, don't tell me-"

"What's the news, Pierce" Aaron demanded.

"Okay okay, so this is what Zinny laid down on me," the three got into a huddle position, Aaron glancing over his shoulder to look at Gat from time to time, "apparently zin are, like, super resistant to disease so that's why the one test subject we used didn't show symptoms immediately, everyone else it varies from a hour or two to five minutes, once the zin we used zombiefied they quarantined him, ran some experiments, and boom, zin technology actually bore us a cure"

"Well shit, if we have the cure why aren't we dispersing it?" Boss asked.

"Zinny's got to get it here first of all, he's got some ships with a crop-duster-type aerosol dispersal unit on them, they're gonna coat the planet in the stuff, should cure the zombies"

Aaron nodded. "Alright, this can work. What about zombies with bites in them?"

"We'll worry about that later, right now we need to-" a growling noise, followed by a loud 'CHOMP' interrupted Boss, who yelled in pain and shoved everyone away, grabbing Gat's head, which happened to be clamped on Boss's shoulder.

Getting a firm grip on Gat, Boss tossed him over his shoulder, Gat growling as he got up and lunged at Boss, who sidestepped him and tripped him at the same time, Gat falling to the ground as Boss held him down.

"Aaron! Make a stun gun or something!" Boss yelled as he struggled, Aaron pulling out the O.M.G. and forming one immediately, but was caught off guard when Gat threw Boss into Aaron, both sliding a distance.

Hearing growling, Aaron rolled Boss off of him and aimed the stun gun at Gat, firing and watching as it hit Gat, electricity causing him to spasm and fall to the ground, then fall unconscious.

Getting up, the two waked over to him, Aaron first asking, "so when do zombies have super strength?"

Boss shrugged. "Eh, it's Gat. Self-explanatory when you think about it"

Aaron nodded in agreement, then looked at the bite wound on Boss. "That's gonna be a problem" he said.

Boss looked at his shoulder, hanging his head as he nodded, then perking up and looking at his hands. "Yeah, but for some reason I feel fine. I dunno, maybe being infected with the first one gave me some immunity or something"

"Yeah, m-" Aaron was interrupted when there was a bang on the glass doors leading to the pools outside, the three in the penthouse looking to see a random asari zombie scraping her hands against the glass, trying in futility to gnaw through it.

"… the fuck?" Boss pulled out his zin pistol and shot a laser through the glass at the asari's head, breaking the section of glass and causing her to fall over, dead.

Aaron and Boss walked over to the body, Boss first wondering, "how'd she get up here?"

Another growl interrupted Boss, and the followed the noise to see another asari zombie actually climbing up the landing pad. Aaron made a shotgun and shot it, causing it the scream as it plummeted to the ground, both of the gangsters running over to the edge of the landing pad in horror to see zombies actually climbing the building.

"The hell, since when can they do this!?" Boss yelled as he pulled out his zin rifle, picking zombies off the building.

Aaron did the same with his shotgun. "Aw man, all the shit you guys you put in Saints Flow, probably did something to the virus"

"Your saying a energy drink mutated a highly advanced zombie virus?"

"For all I know you put toxic waste in that stuff!"

"You can't prove that, and I'll have you know that-" Boss couldn't finish his sentence as he groaned in pain and held his head, stumbling slightly. "Shit, guess I'm not immune" he muttered aloud.

"Damn," Aaron cursed, then fished around his pocket and pulled out a pair of purple, fuzzy handcuffs with a gold 'z' on them and threw them to Boss. "Tell Pierce to chain you to something, I got this!"

Boss stared at the handcuffs, then at Aaron, then back at the handcuffs, then back at Aaron again, and asked, "Aaron, can I find it in my brain to ask why the hell you have these?"

"No time, go!"

Boss wanted to question him further why he had a pair of Zimos's kinky handcuffs, but that was a conversation for another time apparently as Aaron went back to blasting the zombies, Boss running back into the penthouse trying to find something to handcuff himself to.

"Okay uh, safety precaution, gotta cuff myself to something," he looked around frantically, then looked at the kitchen, which had some stools bolted to the floor. "Fuck it, better than nothing, yo Pierce!"

Apparently calling to Pierce had little effect as he was busy moving furniture to the windows, so Boss shouted louder and got his attention, the Saint turning around and yelling, "I'm a little busy, what is it!?"

"So a, funny story, turns out I am turning," Pierce paled a little at this, "so I'ma need you to chain me to that chair over there"

Pierce shook his head. "Can't you do it yourself, I'm trying to block out the- AAH!" he screamed as a hand burst from the glass door, grabbing his neck and trying to pull him through, the furniture blocking him. "Aaron, I thought you had them under control!"

"Hey gimme a break, there's a million of these fuckers out here!" he yelled back, zombies swarming him as he tried blasting them left and right. One grabbed his shoulder and took a bite out of it, which did nothing as the blue pixels regenerated. More and more grabbed him, shoving him in all directions.

And, because of this overload of bodies, one of the zombies tripped, causing a chain reaction that caused the rest of the zombies to fall, including the ones holding Aaron, who yelped as he fall off the building too.

While all the zombies fell to their deaths by hitting the ground, Aaron happened to have gripped the side of the building, digging his hand into the metal and stopping him mid-fall, clamping him to the side of the building.

"Man, what kind of- whoa!" he ducked his head as a zombies fell over it, a few more following it. "Man, these things are dumb"

And after saying these words, Aaron began to wall-run his way back up to the penthouse.


Boss wasn't feeling well.

Usually this was normal if your were Boss, and you were getting over something like drunkenness. Or you ate too much fast-food. Something like that was natural.

Zombie virus raging his internal systems? That wasn't natural.

He was at the point where he was seeing greens and purples everywhere, his vision swimming as he laid sprawled on the floor. On the bright side he had managed to handcuff himself to the chair, but it was no easy task.

Pierce was doing well fighting the zombies off, he didn't know where Aaron was, and currently he heard what sounded like a door being slammed open.

He turned his head to the sound, and it was at that poin the was sure he was hallucinating, because at that moment he was seeing Kinzie mounting Matt, and he knew for a fact they hated each other, and in no reality would Kinzie be trying to scratch and bite him.

Oh… oh wait.

She was a zombie, wasn't she?

"For Christ's sake, Kinzie! Get off of me!" Matt screamed, trying to hold Kinzie back, but her mouth was getting closer and closer to his.

Boss looked around for his zin rifle, but then he realized he left it on the counter above the chair… and unfortunately he wasn't in a position to grab it. What he did grab though was Matt's hand, who was reaching out to him, trying to ask for help.

What was… what was just so… tantalizing about that hand? The greens and purples mixing well with the creamy colors of that hand. Creamy… like cream cheese. Cream cheese on the burgers at Freckle Bitches. He loved those burgers. He loved that cheese. So naturally Matt's hand must be hamburger cheese.

Which is why Boss bit down on that hand.


Pierce was having a rough time. Sure, his new product is a utter failure. But, zin were on the way with the zombie cure, even everyone turned would go back. So if he did get turned into a zombie, the worst he had to worry about was someone killing him before he was cured. Or the zombies biting him too much to kill him, but he was pretty sure he was good there, hadn't even been bitten once.

And then he heard the scream behind him. He turned, and to his horror he not only saw Kinzie, but Boss biting Matt.

"Damn, he turned…" he muttered. Unknown to him all the commotion had awoken Gat, and while Pierce was distracted watching Matt get chewed out, Gat sprung up from the couch, biting Pierce in the forearm.

He screamed, backing up in shock. Gat was about to bite him again when electricity sparked on his neck, causing him to fall again, Aaron running over to them.

He was going to help Pierce when he saw Boss, and paused. Boss, who had been his friends all his life, biting Matt. Boss, a zombie.

"Pierce…" he glanced at the bite on Pierce, who nodded grimly.

"Look man, don't worry. Zin got the cure and everyone not dead will go back to normal. We just got to hold out 'till then. Go"

"But-"

"Dammit Aaron, I ain't gonna argue! I'm already seeing colors that don't exist, and it's all my fault. I'm gonna hold them back, you make sure the others are safe 'till the cure get's here!"

Aaron nodded, his head hanging low. He didn't like abandoning his friends like this, but the situation required it. "Alright. Alright, fuck! Just… just make sure no-one dies"

"Got it, now go"

So Aaron ran, ran to make sure the Saints were either okay or zombies, but not dead. As for Pierce, he just took out a can of Saints Flow and drank it, then threw the can away, screaming at the zombies as he blasted them with his zin shotgun, but soon overwhelmed him.


Running through the hallways, Aaron made every turn, finding zombies everywhere but none of them Saints, who he couldn't find anywhere until he came into a large room full of purple barrels, a figure jumping out from behind one and aiming a zin pistol at his face.

"Of all the motherfuckers to survive the zombie apocalypse this long…" Aaron groaned as he looked at Josh Birk, who nodded behind the barrel, the large form of Oleg stepping out, along with Jack, Mr. David, Viola, Shaundie, Angel, Zimos, and Kilo.

"Well, you do enough NyteBlade, you learn how to deal with zombies" Josh said smugly, twirling his pistol, but then fumbled and dropped it.

"Yeah, some skill there killer" Aaron looked at Oleg. "Let me guess, everyone else…?"

"Zombies" he nodded. "Even Kinzie…"

"Hey, don't worry big dude, zin are on the way with a cure, everyone that got turned will go back when they get here"

And everyone perked up at this. Until now they all thought all their friends were gone permanently, but if Aaron said was true, then it seemed all hope was not lost. If anything it was all regained.

"Okay, so let me get this straight, when the zin get here, they'll release a cure that'll turn everyone back?" Jack asked.

"Yes"

"And it works?" Shaundie questioned.

"Uh-huh"

"Your sure?" Kilo just had to make sure. He knew enough of biological warfare to see the chances of something like this getting cured.

"Yeah, I'm sure, now-"

Zimos raised a hand. "Even the hos?"

"Yeah, everyone! For the- look, the reiterate of what I'm about to say, pay attention, I'm not repeating myself. Everyone. Will go back"

"Okay, so when does the cure get here?" Oleg wondered.

"Dunno" Everyone groaned and held their face in their hands. "Hey, blame Pierce, he didn't ask. We just gotta hold out until Zinny and the rest get here and disperse the cure, but it can't cure the dead, so DON'T kill any zombie Saints"

Shaundie nodded, sounded like a good plan, and seemed that everyone else agreed. "What about everyone else?"

"Screw 'em, they don't matter" it may have seemed like a hypocritical statement, but no-one really cared.

At that moment, moans filled the hallway Aaron came from, zombies running at them, enough to fill the entire hallway.

"Damn, get ready!" Aaron yelled, his shotgun out, everyone else having a gun out, Oleg even having a big, zin minigun.

And they started flooding the room, everyone firing or shooting biotics, taking care to not kill any Saint zombies they saw.

Josh leaned in to Mr. David. "You know, as a fellow actor, I'd always thought the zombie genre was overrated, but-"

"Look kid, I'm a little busy trying to to-" he quickly shot a zombie about to bite Josh from behind, "not get eaten by zombies, so if you would mind-"

Unfortunately, the action of saving Josh's life had distracted Mr. David just long enough for a zombie to shamble up to him, biting him in the shoulder as he cried out in pain and hit the ground.

Aaron heard the scream and looked over in it's direction, a horrified look overcoming him in what he saw. "Keith David! NO!"

He ran over to him, kicking the zombie off as Josh shook his head. "Ah man, that's… tragic, right there. Tragic"

Aaron punched him, putting him on the floor. "It should have been you" he whispered, shaking his head as he looked at the true actor.

"Go on, without me kid. I'll be fine…" he gasped, holding his shoulder while using his other hand to shoot zombies.

"Well yeah, I know you'll be fine, cure'll make sure of that, but… just hold out, man. Hold out"

Meanwhile on the floor, a dazed Josh looked around, seeing a zombie without legs crawling to him.

Naturally a man would panic and pull a gun out. Josh managed that. Naturally a man would shoot the zombie biting him. Josh failed at that, and instead shot around wildly, hitting the barrels of Saints Flow littered around the room. With the purple liquid spilling onto the floor, the zombies immediately stopped attacking the Saints and went to the floor and, much to the Saints' confusion, started to lap the purple nectar up.

"…Um…" Zimos stammered, poking a zombie with his foot, but it didn't pay any notice to him.

"They're…after the Flow?" Kilo realized while at the same time inching towards a stack of barrels and slowly taking them down.

"No wonder they came here, no telling how much of that shit Pierce has stocked up" Aaron said as he looked at Kilo. "Dude, what are you doing?"

"We blocked up the door out of here when we came in due to being chased by a hoard of those things, pretty sure they're gone now" the quarian explained.

Aaron tilted his head. "You need any help with those?"

"Nah, I'm good"

"…Okay then"

"Arg, damn it…" Oleg muttered, wiping away at his shoulder, a bit of Saints Flow splashing on it. "Ugh, the color will never come out"

"Eh, just put some bleach on it and you'll be…Oleg, don't look now but they're watching you"

True enough, the zombies had stopped lapping up the Saints Flow and were now staring at Oleg, or more specifically, his shoulder. He tried backing up a bit, but this caused them to move forward a bit, and a large, marble-sized sweat drop rolled from his eye as he whispered, "what do I do?"

"Rip the shirt off!" Jack whispered back, Angel shaking his head.

"No, he can't. That large shirt is the only way we can associate with him"

"Well he can buy another one! If he won't I will" Jack stepped forward, hand outreached to tear the shirt off. Aaron noticed that she was about to step into a rather large pile of Flow, and was about to warn her to be careful, but was too late as she slipped in it, falling to the ground and being instantly covered in Flow.

The zombies immediately noticed her and sprang on her, Jack screaming as they all bit into her as she threw biotics everywhere in an effort to be rid of them. Oleg tried to help her, but Josh, who had since turned, latched onto his shoulder, more piling on his one side and causing him to tumble, Oleg screaming while his entire body was piled on with zombies until he couldn't be seen while everyone looked in horror.

What they didn't notice was a stray warp from jack going off and hitting something, a deep rumbling drawing everyone who remained to look at the noise, everyone's eye's shrinking when they saw a hundred-foot tall tank of Saints Flow with a hole in it, and the tank shuddering.

"That thing's gonna blow, we gotta move!" Aaron yelled, motioning for everyone to move, and they did so, except for Shaundie who was grabbed by a zombified Mr. David to get to the Saints Flow on her shoes, biting her ankle and holding her in place as the other zombies got to her.

Aaron looked back, lowered his face when he saw the tank, and kept running with the others. "Wait for the cure, wait for the cure, wait for the cure…" he thought over and over as he ran with what was left of the survivors.

But, them running seemed to be in vain as the large tank finally gave in, a monstrous boom echoing to them and the hallways being filled with purple liquid, washing everyone away and carrying them a few feet before the liquid settled, everyone groaning as they got up from the ground, sloshing around in an inch of Flow.

"Damn… haven't been this sticky since that one night at-"

"Don't wanna hear it, Zimos" Aaron said, holding a hand up. They were already dealing with zombies, the last thing Aaron wanted to think about was one of Zimos's pervy nights.

"Fine, fine. Go and kill the joy" the pimp grumbled, then heard a shambling noise and looked behind him. He could have sworn he saw a female silhouette shambling towards him, but he had Saints Flow all over his z glasses, so he took them out and wiped them, putting them back on and gasping when he saw it was the zombified Shaundie shambling towards him.

"Damn!" Zimos shouted, and tried to pull his gun on her but it was to late as she lunged at him, biting him in the arm and causing him to scream as she shoved him to the floor, biting him more and more again.

Angel saw this and tried to pull Shaundie off of Zimos, but heard some groaning behind him and turned, seeing a hallway full of zombies coming towards him, and seeing that everyone had Flow-soaked clothes, just yelled at everyone to run. But, sadly, this took too much time for Angel to say and they got to him, chomping down on him as the last remaining three survivors ran for their lives, but unfortunately for Viola her clothes were too sticky and saturated to move faster than the zombies, and they caught up with her and grabbed her, piling on her as they bit into her.

"Viola!" Kilo screamed, trying to run back to save her, but Aaron stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

"She's gone man, we gotta go!" Kilo seemed to hesitate, but relented and went with Aaron, the two going into a broom closet and slamming the door shut, holding it shut so the zombies on the outside couldn't get in, but it was a losing battle.

"You know, I'm made of virtual space dust so I'll be alright, but cure or no cure if you get bit the outside disease will kill you!" Aaron shouted over the bangs at Kilo, who nodded as he struggled to keep the door closed.

"Yeah, I know!" he grunted as they further pushed on the door. "I should have known I'd die like this!"

"What, to zombies?"

"No, to the Saint's bullshit shenanigans. Shoulda seen it commin'"

"Eh, it's mostly Pierce's fault so blame him"

The door started to creep open as the zombies started to overpower the pair, but right before it was open enough for them to burst in, there was a explosion outside, and the next second a blue gas filled the entire building, the zombies breathing it in and immediately falling to the ground.

Aaron and Kilo pushed the doors open, looking at each other in confusion and following the source of the gas, through it was hard seeing as the gas was everywhere, and all the zombies had fallen unconscious while convulsing slightly.

They eventually found their way to the penthouse, seeing a large pod in the middle of the room emitting the gas, a zin ship flying away. They looked out the window, and, to their relief, saw many zin ships flying around deploying the canisters of gas.

"Took 'em long enough" Aaron sighed, sitting down on the couch and looking at the zombies strewn everywhere. "This is gonna be hell for Boss to cover up"

"Yeah" Kilo nodded, looking around. "So does this mean…?"

"Yeah, gas should heal everyone, everything will go back to normal. We let Boss spew some bullshit about how this wasn't the Saints' fault, everything will go back to normal"

"If you say so" Kilo nodded towards the door they came from, "I'm gonna go get everyone once they turn back to normal. Get them up to speed"

"Okay" Kilo walked away and Aaron sighed, sinking further into the couch while holding his face. "What the hell happened to my life to screw it up this much?"


Two days later

And, like that, the incident was solved. Anyone that was turned into a zombie was turned back, excluding those that had died while a zombie. Boss had managed to convince the media that the zombie virus came from a meteor from space and sowed the zin destroying the meteor (which was really just a regular space rock the zin made glow) and had dispensed medicine to the population to help with any bites anyone sustained. Fortunately they managed to get all the Zombie Flow off the market and replace it with the regular Saints Flow, and nobody seemed to put two and two together, which meant the Saints were off the hook. The warning labels had to go back on the cans, but as a wise man once said, easy come easy go.

Now the only thing left to do was deal with Pierce… who was currently surrounded by every single Saint in the penthouse, with Boss stepping forward.

"Pierce, Pierce…" Boss clasped his hands together, and then gestured to everyone, "I think I speak for everyone when I say how badly you fucked up"

"I know, I know…" he held his head, but then looked back up at him, "but it's fixed, right?"

"Pierce, that ain't the point! Almost all of us got bitten by zombies and got turned into zombies! The only ones who didn't get turned was Kilo and Robert, you almost endangered the entire Saint empire, not to mention the fact you almost ruined the Saints Flow product"

"So I take it your mad?"

Boss sighed, but Aaron nodded to him and he continued, "Look, Pierce, we're all hum- er, we all make mistakes," he wanted to make sure they were really going to do this, and this time looked at Jack, who nodded too. "It's these mistakes that make us who we are, and while your fuck up may have been disastrous, fuck ups in general make us who we are," he looked at Gat and Grunt, who nodded, Grunt smiling sadistically, "but that doesn't mean what you put us through was painful, so we're gonna have to punish said fuck up"

"Oh…" Pierce eyes sunk to the back of his head, "your not gonna kill me are you?"

"Hell no, your practically family, we could never do that" Pierce brightened up. "We're all just going to gang up on you and break every bone and your body and then have the zin heal you later"

"…What?"

Boss held a hand up. "You heard me, bitch," he snapped his fingers. "Get him"

And upon this order, Pierce screamed as everyone descended upon him, the screen freezing and turning purple just before everyone dog piled Pierce while at the same time showing his horrified expression with the words 'Flow Attack!' next to his head, surrounded by mini spinning fleurs with hip-hop music playing.


A/N- I know, super late, sorry, this one was hard to get out. A excuse no-one will accept, but, whatcha gonna do? problems with logging on again. I know this one, and the few before this, seemed rushed, and I'm trying but it's getting harder. Know I've said this enough but I really need that switch that's coming on.

Got nothing, so cya.