A/N – Thanks for the comments! I'm so happy that you liked the first kiss. After all these chapters, I wanted it to be a little more explosive then chaste. This chapter is hard because Jason is hurting, but it will help move him forward.
Chapter 34
"Will you do me a huge favor?"
"Of course."
"Are you sure?"
Liz smiled. "Anything."
"I took a bath this morning. My toe nails look horrible. Can you take the polish off?"
"Definitely. I can even repaint them if you want."
"That's okay. I'll just go bare."
She went into the bathroom and retrieved the polish remover.
"Can you do me one more?"
"Yup. Name it."
"Can you ask around to find a reliable cleaning person? I know there is no way Patrick is going to clean the way I like it."
Liz grinned. "I can have a cleaning party and bring a couple of friends."
"I seriously doubt that anyone would want to clean a bathroom, no matter how much they love me."
"You would be surprised how many people would do just about anything for you, but if you want to hire someone, I will make it happen."
"Thank you. You know, you take some things for granted like bending over without getting dizzy and having enough strength to take off nail polish."
"Well, for right now, your only job is to be Divalicious."
Piph slightly smiled. "How are things going with Jason?"
Liz grinned. "We kissed."
Piph's eyes got big. "Get out! How was it?"
Liz moaned. "It was phenomenal. I can't even imagine how good it will be once we take the next step."
Piph grinned. "I'm happy for you, but you better make him work for it."
"Dear Lord, not for too long. He is just so hot."
"I can't argue with that."
"I miss you."
"You know where to find me."
"Always."
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Jason slowly opened the letter. He recognized the writing right away and felt a surge of sadness go through his body. When he read the first few words, a nickname his mother had called him while she was pregnant, he knew it was real."
"To my little passenger, if you're reading this, then I am gone and you are struggling. I hope you know how much you meant to me. There was one constant all these years and that was my love for you. I owe you a huge apology. I messed up. I took money from Edward and left town. I shouldn't have. I was so hurt that I made everything about me instead of you. I know you probably have been questioning the truth by now. I tried to make up for leaving by coming back. I wanted you to have a family, one I should have never deprived you of. Edward didn't force me to do anything, but it hurt so bad that he was willing to just get rid of me and you instead of facing the truth. I was angry and hurt and decided that you'd be better off without them—that you deserved to be wanted and loved. I just didn't see that happening. The truth is that if I hadn't of blackmailed them, you wouldn't have missed out on getting to know your family because the hate wouldn't be there. I take responsibility for that. The blackmail happened before I knew you existed. I was stupid and vengeful because Alan left me. I hate that you had to pay for my mistakes.
I wish I wasn't such a coward and I had made you understand the situation before I died. I just didn't want you to hate me because you meant everything to me. If you had turned away while I knew we didn't have much time left, let's just say I wouldn't have handled it that well. I really hope that my mistakes won't result in you not being able to be happy. Let them in Jason. Please. You are hurting and you need them. You put me on a pedestal that I didn't deserve. I am flawed. I thought that we'd be fine on our own and that I could be everything that you needed, but I was wrong. You needed a father. Don't shut him out. This can be fixed. You are not betraying me by reaching out to them and letting them love you. In fact, you are setting me free. I won't rest until I know that you are okay. Can you try to find room for them in your heart and try not to hate me for putting you in this position? I love you. No matter what people will say or how mad you are at me, my love for you should never be questioned. Nothing will change that. You are my handsome boy forever. I only ask that you let love in. Live your life to the fullest. I might be gone, but I'll always be in your heart. Love infinity, Mom."
Tears were streaming down Jason's face. After a few minutes, he made a call and then folded the letter and grabbed his crutch and made his way downstairs.
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Liz ran up to the room and unlocked it and was shocked that Jason wasn't there. It would explain why he hadn't answered his texts. She ran back downstairs just as Jake was coming out of the office.
"Hi. Have you seen Jason?"
Jake nodded. "He left about a half hour ago."
"Did he say where he was going?"
"No. He took a cab. I do know that he looked really upset."
Liz's heart skipped a beat. He had read the letter. "Thanks Jake."
She fished her phone out and called Alan.
"Elizabeth?"
"Hi. Jason is gone."
"What do you mean?"
"I think he read the letter that Tracy gave him."
Alan shut his eyes. "Can you meet me at the mansion?"
"Yes."
She texted Francis and Carly to let them know what was going on.
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Jason waited in the car while the cab driver brought him some alcohol. He just wanted to make everything go away. He was reeling and didn't want to believe that his mother was at fault. The driver got back in the car and handed him the bag and then drove him to the cemetery where his mother was buried
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Liz rushed into the mansion. To her surprise, Francis and Carly were already there.
"Hey," Carly said before hugging her.
"Thanks for coming."
They sat down.
"Does anyone have any idea where he may have gone?" Alan asked.
Tracy was standing in the doorway.
"He could have gone to my cabin, but I called a neighbor and they haven't seen or heard anyone drive past their house. They promised me to call if they did," Francis said.
"Do you think he went to the apartment he and Susan stayed at?" Monica asked.
"It was condemned. It's gone," Alan said.
Carly stood and faced Tracy. "What was in the letter?"
"I don't know. I never read it," Tracy said.
"This is all your fault."
"Oh can it. I was just trying to protect my family."
"He is your family!"
Tracy turned and walked out the front door.
"I'm sorry," Carly said before sitting down.
Lila patted her hand. "It's okay. She will just go lick her wounds. If it's any consolation, she is beating herself up."
Edward sighed. "I'll make a few calls so people will be on the lookout for him."
Liz wiped a tear away. Jason was alone and hurting and she just hoped that he wouldn't hurt himself.
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Jason took a few swigs from the bottle. The liquid was strong and burned going down, but he was definitely feeling it. He was sitting in front of his mother's grave.
"I don't understand why you never changed your mind. You could have brought us back here, especially when things were really bad. Did you hate yourself? Is that why you let them beat you?" He fell back against the grass. The emptiness he felt was overwhelming. She could have fixed it and she never did, instead choosing to keep him from his father and he just couldn't process it. "I don't understand why it took you dying to do the right thing." Tears were running down his face. He took a few more swigs as everything started to blur. "I hated him. I hated him for you. When I look at him, I just want to punch him in the face. You made me hate him and I don't know how to stop feeling that towards him. I don't know how to let it go. He should have fought for me, but instead, he denied the truth and looked the other way. He's not innocent in this, but you… I'm so mad at you. You lied to me. Everything is ruined."
He laid there for a quite a while, alternately drinking and yelling.
Tracy moved forward. She had been listening to him and it was painful to say the least. Jason was the biggest victim out of all of them.
He heard the movement and sat up. "What are you doing here? Did you come to spit on her grave? She kept me away from him. Are you happy now?"
Tracy shook her head. "No. I'm sorry. I know I'm the last person you'll believe, but I guess I never stopped to think about how much our decisions have hurt you."
"Does it even matter anymore? Her memory is tainted and all the pain I suffered growing up was for nothing."
He was having trouble focusing, so he shut his eyes.
Tracy sat next to him. "I've spent most of my life being a bitter shrew. I would hate to have you suffer that same fate. I never thought I would say this, but I think she tried to make amends by bringing you back here."
He took the letter out of his pocket and handed it to her and she read it.
She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. That must have been hard to read."
"She always chose the wrong men. There were times when they would beat her. It's why I worked out in high school, so I could come to her defense. She'd have bruises sometimes and I know she only stayed with them because she needed the money to take care of me."
"Jason…."
"Don't say it. I know she could have left and came back here. She could have faced everyone and let it play out, but she didn't. Instead, she took the beatings and insults and I watched her suffer. I was the only one who could make her smile. Sometimes, it would just get too bad and we'd run. We'd live out of her car for a while until she could find a new job and place to live. We called it an adventure."
A tear ran down Tracy's cheek.
"I loved her. She was all I had and then she died, insisting that I reconcile with a man that I thought never wanted me."
"Did she tell you that?"
"Not directly. She didn't talk about him much and would deflect most of the time. I made my own conclusions based on some of the things she said when she would drink to make the pain go away."
"Everyone is at the house. They are worried about you. Elizabeth was beside herself."
"I don't deserve her."
"Why?"
"I'm a fucking mess."
Tracy smirked. "Newsflash, most of the population on the earth is a mess. You don't own that title."
"I don't know what to do."
"You remember the good times. You take to heart that she realized her mistake and tried to make it right. And most of all, you let your family in."
"Does that include you?"
"I know I don't deserve it, but yes. I'm sorry for being so hard on you. I watched Alan fall apart when Susan came back and when you rejected him—those were some rough years. He started drinking heavily and it almost killed his marriage."
"I didn't know."
She shrugged. "You probably wouldn't have cared at the time and I'm not putting you down by saying that, it's just a fact."
"I know."
She put her arm around him as he began to cry and held him until he settled. "Will you come home with me?"
"I can't face them right now. I need time."
"Do you have anywhere to go?"
"No." He couldn't go back to his place. They would look for him there.
"Then I'll take you to a hotel. There's one on the edge of town. I have my car. Will you come with me?"
"Are you going to tell them where I am?"
"No, but with your permission, I'd like to tell them that you needed some time alone and that you promised to not do anything stupid."
He wiped his face. "I won't."
"Good, because I don't think anyone would handle it well if you did." She stood and then grabbed his crutch. "I don't think I'm strong enough to help you up."
He rolled onto his side and somehow managed to get up off the ground. Tracy steadied him and got him back to the car and then drove him to the hotel.
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Everyone looked up as Tracy walked into the room.
"He's fine, sort of."
"What? You saw him?" Monica said.
"Yes."
Alan looked exasperated. "Are you going to tell us where?"
"No. He asked me not too. Look, he just needs to sleep off the alcohol he drank and think. I told him I'd pick him up at check out time tomorrow."
The looks on their faces were priceless.
"He was at her grave."
Alan swallowed hard. "I should have thought of that."
"He's a mess, but I think the worst is over." She poured herself a drink.
"Thank you, Tracy," Lila said.
"I did what I had too. After all, he's family."
Edward slightly smiled. "I'm glad that you've come around."
"Yeah, well, he's been through enough." She took a swig and then looked at his brother. "I think you have a fighting chance. He just needs some time."
Francis stood. "Will you keep me updated?"
Liz nodded. "Yes." They hugged and then Carly embraced her.
"When you talk to him, tell him I'm here for him."
"He knows, but I will."
They left and then Liz gave Lila a kiss. She needed to go make a few calls and then go to Audrey's house for the meeting.
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Maxie packed her bags, preparing to move out. In a few days, she would have enough dirt on Helena to take her down. She smirked just thinking about it. If Helena thought she was going to get rid of Maxie without a fight, she had another thing coming. It was going to be an epic take down, she just needed to decide who she was going to give some of the evidence to.
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Francis walked back into his house and threw his keys on a table. "Sarah?"
"I'm in here," she called out.
He found her in the kitchen, making a snack.
"You look upset."
"Jason took off and we're all worried about him."
"Oh. Did you see Elizabeth?"
"Yes. She's okay."
"Good. Do you want some?"
"Sure."
She quickly made him a cracker sandwich with some pepperoni and cheese inside.
"How are you feeling?"
"Good. I slept a lot." She really was itching to go back to work.
"Any headaches?"
"Nope." She handed him a plate. "Stefan has been burning up my phone, leaving lots of messages."
"Did you listen to them?"
"No. I deleted them."
He smirked. "Good girl."
"Nothing he could say would ever make me go back to him. He lost his chance with me the minute he agreed to do Helena's bidding."
"I'm glad to hear that."
He looked at his watch. "You're going to be late."
She stuffed the rest of the cracker inside her mouth and wiped her hands. "Ready."
He chuckled and the wiped some crumbs off her chin.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Sarah grabbed her purse. Francis was being a real prince and she hoped that some day she could be there for him if he ever needed it.
