A/N – Thanks for the replies. Sorry I'm late. I'm so busy and then got some bad news. My sister's dog Chloe, the one I wrote about in the last fic died today. She was 12 which is old for a newfie. She will be missed! Loved that dog.
Chapter 44
Andrea and Elizabeth got comfortable.
"My therapist said that we should talk about Sophie so that I can put it behind me."
Andrea nodded. "It's okay. I knew this was eventually coming. My therapist said the same thing."
Liz sucked in a deep breath. "This is hard for me. I practiced it for years, but things are so different now. I understand where you were coming from, but what you did still hurt me."
Andrea watched her daughter struggle for words. "It's okay, Elizabeth. Why don't you close your eyes and just speak from your heart."
Liz took the suggestion and just let the words flow out. "I felt like you were ashamed of me."
Andrea's lip quivered as she tried to keep her emotions in check. This was about Elizabeth, not her.
"I thought I had let you and dad down by getting pregnant and that I should have been more careful. You put up this wall that I didn't know how to penetrate. Losing Sophie… I don't even know how to describe it. I had fallen in love with her. At first, I was so scared, but the more she grew within me, the stronger she made me. I don't know how that was even possible, but it happened. I would talk to her and sing to her. I'm sure she cringed at the latter."
Andrea slightly smiled.
"When I saw her precious face and counted her toes and fingers, I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen—a product of my love for John. When they abruptly took her from me and rushed from the room, it felt like someone had ripped my heart out. When the nurse came to get me and explained, it hurt to breathe. She was in pain and there wasn't anything that I could do. I was all alone and just felt overwhelmed. And when she took her last breath, I was holding her. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I was so distraught afterwards, that they had to sedate me. When you and dad showed up, you tried to be present and supportive, but I could tell you were shutting down and I didn't get it. In a way, I thought you'd be happy."
Andrea wiped a tear away. "Go on."
"Now, I get why you had the reaction you did to a degree, but it still hurts. You could have treated me more lovingly because you knew how it felt for your parents to be so cold, but you didn't. There was a time period that I hated you because you wanted me to move on like it never happened and block it out like you did, but I just couldn't completely do that. In the end, I made it my life mission to help children like Sophie. While I still loved you because you did try to be there for me over the years, something was just missing between us, like her death had irrevocably changed or relationship. In a way, I'm glad that everything happened recently, because not only did it bring our family closer, but you're getting help. We both are and finally, I think our relationship can heal." Things had been twisty between them. There were some days that she wished Andrea wasn't her mother, and others were her mom would come through for her and she'd feel guilty for her earlier feelings.
Andrea waited to see if she was finished and then spoke. "I'm sorry. What I did to you was wrong. I coped with what happened the only way I knew how. I learned to shut off my emotions and suck it up because that is what was always required of me. I had no other reference. It's not an excuse, just a fact. I should have gone to therapy and got help a very long time ago. I have no excuse. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and try to be a better mom. Can you forgive me, Elizabeth?"
"Can you forgive yourself?"
"I'm trying."
"I forgive you. What you went through was horrible. I can't imagine being so scared everyday when it was time for your father to come home from work, knowing that he was going to hurt you in some way. They emotionally and physically abused you and you fought and ran away and started a new life. I admire your strength. A lot of people would have stayed and took it. Can you leave that behind, mom? I don't want it to affect your choices anymore. I certainly don't want to ever hate you again."
"I'm working on it. I have a lot of regrets, but I'm trying to see them from a different perspective and move forward. Your father and I are better than we've ever been."
"That's because you were willing to get help."
"My father left me the house and some money. I'm going to kick Gloria out of it and raze it."
Liz smirked. "Then I'll be there right beside you."
"You will?"
"Yup." She knew that going back there would be hard on her mom. "There is no way you'll be doing that alone. Besides, I want to see it. I'll be cheering you on. When you're knocking it down, you'll be destroying the hold it has on you too."
"That's my plan."
"Can I have a hug now?"
Andrea got up and emotionally hugged her daughter. "I love you so much. I have always loved you and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that I didn't. No more. From here on out, you will never question that again."
Elizabeth started to cry and Andrea held her tightly as they both let out some of their pent up emotions. When they were finished, they both grabbed some napkins and dabbed at their faces.
"We look like hot messes," Elizabeth said.
"I have some makeup in the bathroom."
There was a small one attached to the office. They went inside and freshened up.
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Patrick walked into the apartment. Epiphany was tooling around in the kitchen. She met him halfway and they embraced.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes. The surgery went fine."
"Did Amelia show up?"
"She did and she closed."
PIph smiled proudly. "I knew she would."
"I didn't have as much faith as you did, but I'm glad you were right."
"You need to learn to listen to me."
"I listened to you at lunch when you told me to eat the extra spicy chicken and I think I burned my tongue off."
She rolled her eyes and then smiled wickedly.
"What?"
"Why don't you let me sooth your pain a little?"
His eyes showed his amusement. "And how are you going to do that?"
"Come closer."
He lowered his head and she grabbed his face and kissed him sensuously, using her tongue tease and arouse him. When she pulled back, he looked flustered. "Damn, Piph. You can't kiss me like that if we can't follow through."
He was practically pouting and she couldn't help it and laughed.
"Did you forgot your tongue hurt?"
"Yes?"
"Then my job is done here."
His mouth opened and closed a few times as she turned and walked away.
"You want a snack?"
He snapped out of it, still feeling the pressure of her lips against his. "Sure."
"Come sit with me."
He moved forward.
"Admit it. I made you swoon, didn't I?"
Patrick grinned. God, he loved her.
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Johnny drove to Vista Point. He needed some fresh air and to get his head together. Maybe the scenery and peacefulness of the area would help calm his nerves.
He parked and noted the other car a few spots down and then walked to the bridge. To his shock, Amelia was sitting on the railing with her legs dangling over it and he quickly moved closer, fearing the worse.
She caught his movement at the last second, her mind had been fixated on the imagine of Katherine going down. Johnny grabbed her as she yelped and pulled over her off and carried her towards the picnic tables.
"What are you doing?" She was slightly out of breath, holding onto his neck so she wouldn't fall.
"The better question is what the hell you were doing," he said before placing her down gently. "You could have fallen off. Is that what you wanted?"
She was at a complete loss of words at first, his intensity completely throwing her for a loop. "What?"
He started pacing back and forth. "Everyone has been through enough. Losing another person right now…. What were you thinking?"
His sorrow filled words deeply affected her. Her eyes swelled with tears. She was really not used to people caring about her. "I—I needed some time to think. I can't get what happened out of my head. It's just eating away at me. My sister was around Katherine's age when I lost her. It's just bringing things up for me. I've never seen someone get shot before. It was horrible." She hugged her arms around her body as if she was trying to hold her emotions in.
"I'm sorry. I saw you up there and I panicked. All I could think of was that I couldn't save her so maybe I could save you."
"I don't need saving. I'm trying to hurt myself. I just need some time to process. I hurt at such a deep level right now. It's like a knife twisting over and over again."
"I get it."
She wiped a tear away. "I hate feeling like I'm on the edge of losing control. Last time, I completely spiraled and hit rock bottom and it cost me too much. I'm just fighting to keep my head above water. I don't want to drown."
He moved closer and held out his hand and he she took it, allowing him to pull her up. "I'm sorry." He held her as she finally broke down and cried. "I understand how you are feeling. I was just about to really let go of Elizabeth and move forward with Katherine and allow some happiness in and she was taken from me. I didn't protect her and that will haunt me forever and then there is Kylie. She is too young to have witnessed something like that and have to go through so much turmoil. I grew to love her. Her innocence has been taken away from her and that pisses me off to no end. Unfortunately, the person responsible is dead so I can't even beat the shit out of him."
She understood completely. "Go on."
He sighed and then rested his chin onto the top of her head. "She's leaving me too. My house was filled with laughter and now it will just be empty. I used to be pretty laid back and sarcastic. I changed with Elizabeth and tried to be different. She didn't ask me to, I just wanted to be a certain way for her. Then Kylie had started to bring that out in me again and I liked it."
"Did you think Elizabeth wouldn't accept you?"
"I don't know. She was running from herself too. I think that I thought I needed to grow up."
"I'm sorry," she said as they finally broke apart. She studied him for a moment. He was a gorgeous man and she had seen him and Kylie enough to know he was a good one too. "You deserve some happiness."
"And so do you. Can we make a pact?"
"Yeah."
"I promise that if I feel like I'm falling off the edge, that I will call you and let you talk me down."
She slightly smiled. "Deal. I promise the same."
They shook on it.
"I don't have a lot of friends," she said.
"Neither do I."
"I guess you have a new one then."
He nodded. "Thanks."
"You want to be alone?"
"No. Do you?"
"No."
They walked back to the bridge and gazed into the distance, both lost in their own little world but feeling a little stronger because of their conversation.
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Jason and Elizabeth embraced on the roof. It was a beautiful day and they were enjoying the sun while Kylie napped.
"She wants us to come visit her."
Liz smiled. "I would like that."
"I think she's stronger than the adults around her."
"She is, but I wish that she didn't have to be. She deserves to just be a kid."
"I agree. I'm willing to do whatever I can."
"I think we just need to keep in touch and be there for her."
"I agree."
His head lowered and he softly kissed her lips. She grabbed the hair at the nape of his neck to hold him in place as she boldly tasted him. Jason moaned into her mouth, eagerly returning her affections.
When they separated, their gazes were smoldering.
"I think I might need a restraining order for your mouth. It makes me lose all coherent thoughts," Liz said slightly flustered.
Jason grinned. "Isn't that the point? I can't wait to make you feel really good."
"You already do. Maybe we should watch the skyline before we give someone more of a view then they bargained for?"
The door abruptly opened and Emily appeared.
"Hey!" she said, happy to see them.
"That would have been awkward," Liz said making him chuckle.
Emily hugged him and turned to Liz. "Taking a break?"
"Yeah."
"Me too."
"How are things going with my brother?"
Emily blushed and Jason frowned.
"Hush," Liz said.
"We are doing well. We had our first date and it was fun."
"Glad to hear it."
Jason's eyes narrowed.
"Stop it," Emily said.
"I can't help it."
"Don't you want me to be happy?"
"Is that a trick question?"
"You are being ridiculous."
"I'm being protective."
Steven walked towards them and then stopped when he saw Jason's glare. "What did I do?"
Emily shot her brother a look before grabbing Steven and pulling him forward. "Nothing at all. Jason had something in his eye."
Liz put her hand over her mouth to hide her smile when Jason kind of growled.
Emily distracted Steven with a quick peck as Liz rubbed Jason's back to tame the beast.
"I just checked on Kylie. She's doing well. Danielle seems like she's holding up okay."
"I'm worried about her, but she says she's fighting temptation. I think she really wants to be a good mom to her daughter."
"I hope so. I miss Katherine." He had bonded with them and Katherine's death had been felt by most who worked there and had gotten to know her.
"Kylie was smiling earlier. It was nice to see," Jason said.
"How's the funeral arrangements coming?" Steven asked.
"John called me to let me know he had set up the catering. Sonny is setting up the auditorium, and I called Father Coates and he can do the ceremony."
"Well, if I can do something to help, you know you can ask," Steven said.
"Me too," Emily added.
"Can you suggest a place to get flowers? It's in two days."
"You let me worry about that. I'll talk it over with Lila. She'll know what to do."
"Thank you." With all the worrying about Kylie's surgery, it had completely slipped her mind.
"I have to get back. I'll text you the details," Emily said.
"Okay." They embraced and Steven gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving.
"You ready?" Liz asked.
"Yeah."
A/N - Will be posting tomorrow so look for it.
