A/N: Sorry for the long wait! A lot had had to be done this week (first week of a new semester, yay...), but I can't really promise that it will get better in the course of the next few months...

I had an idea where this chapter should go, but in the end, I got to somewhere else, of course, and did things I hadn't planned originally (damn you, muse!)

But I will get there! Eventually...

It would be of great help for me if you could tell me if all this is too lengthy and boring, sadly I'm no good in judging this in my own stories... Please let me know! :D

As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.


Chapter 8

When I woke up, I had no idea where I was. For a moment, there was just sheer panic when I realized that I was not leaning against the wall where Merlin had left me. With my eyes closed, I listened intently and tried to figure out where I was laying, but it didn't work. So I opened my eyes and looked around.

Relief flooded in. I was in the big hall where the knights had their meals when they were not on duty. But the tables and benches had been removed and instead, there stood cot next to cot, most of them inhabited by people covered in bandages. Some of them groaned with pain, some moved around restlessly andothers lay completely still. The hall had become a makeshift sickbay. Unhurt knights and servants were walking around with extra blankets, buckets containing water, with bandages and some with trays full of plates with food for the luckier wounded.

At the end of the hall, close to the door, I saw two knights carrying a stretcher with someone on it who was covered head to toe with a blanket. Presumably dead.

I sat up slowly and momentarily felt dizzy and nauseous, but then the feeling calmed down and my vision cleared again. Judging by the light coming through the windows, it must be morning, so I had been out for hours.

Just as I was about to stand up, a familiar voice said: "You shouldn't have sat up yet."

Only when he touched my shoulder did I realize that Merlin really was talking to me. I slowly turned my head, not wanting to get dizzy again, and gave the warlock an uneasy smile: "Um... hello."

He smiled back at me with a relieved expression. Maybe he had felt guilty about leaving me alone and untended, and was now easier to see me awake.

"Gaius will be here soon, I'm sure. He actually sent me to look for you."

"Why?", I asked in surprise and before I could stop myself.

Another smile: "He was very worried Morgana had you killed before we came."

I wondered how he, after everything he had seen and done and all that had been done to him, was so fast to smile at someone who should be no more than a vaguely familiar face. I had never been this fast in being nice to people, always warily keeping my distance.

He looked at me expectantly, and I shook the thought and the slight feeling of envy and snorted: "Oh please. I'm a knight of Camelot and easily as good with a sword as Gwaine."

His expression wavered slightly and I felt something in me going cold.

"He's not dead, is he?", I asked in alarm.

"No", Merlin said, if only a little bit fast.

"But he's not well either."

"Not really, no. The fever's down a bit, but he is very weak. He won't take food and only very little water, denying the things he would need now. But I'm sure Gaius will help him. He always does."

His smile was back again, but this time I knew that he was only hiding his fear behind it. Curiously enough, I admired him for this even more than before.


"How are you feeling?", Gaius asked, while he was taking a look at the back of my head. I had a feeling that he meant more than just the head injury, so I answered honestly: "I've been better."

My voice sounded strange in my ears, forlorn and small and quivering, but crying was something Knights were surely forbidden to do, so I concentrated on the unpleasant feeling of Gaius probing the bump I had on my head with experienced fingers.

I desperately tried to find something to talk about so he would not ask me anything that sounded even remotely like 'How about that explanation you promised me', but nothing came to my mind, so I braced myself for the question that would surely come next and to which I had no answer.

The physician asked kindly: "Have you eaten anything yet?"

It took me a moment to decipher the meaning of the words and then I shook my head.

"You should. But only a bit, and then you should sleep some more. I don't think you have a concussion, but we should wait a few more hours just to make sure."


I lay on the cot, the food feeling heavy in my stomach, even though I had only taken a few bites, but after eating nothing for so long, it felt wrong anyway.

Despite feeling tired, I was unable to sleep. The thought of Gwaine dying haunted me. I knew it would happen, eventually, but it shouldn't be now and not this way. If Gwaine died, his blood would be on my hands and I couldn't cleanse myself from it, not ever.

I cursed my bad luck that of all the knights, it was Gwaine who had been imprisoned with me. But the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that I would feel this way about every knight of Camelot. They were all important and had their roles to play before the end, and it was me who would probably cause early deaths for them, including Gwen and Arthur.

And Merlin and Gaius... and all the people of Camelot.

Doubts were creeping in, even stronger than I had experienced them in the woods on my first day here, because now I doubted if staying here in the first place had been the right thing to do.

If I had had my necklace, I would have fled then. But the necklace was gone, and I had no choice anymore. With a heavy heart, I pushed my doubts away, knowing they were justified, and stood up. I needed to get out of the hall to calm my mind.


I hadn't consciously directed my steps, but I ended up in front of Gaius' chambers. I stopped there and tried to figure out what and how much I could tell the physician. He was old and certainly wise, he had learned a lot over the years and had always been a good adviser for Merlin. If there was any person in the whole of Camelot who would believe me and keep my origin and profession a secret, it would be Gaius.

But, as one might imagine, it's not easy to explain to someone what a tale-changer is, and telling somebody that they're not real never works out. And when you tell them how much you know about their lives and deepest secrets, they usually freak out and try to kill you.

But I had to tell someone. And so I knocked at the door.