Chapter 9
But I had to tell someone. And so I knocked at the door.
I waited for an answer, but none came, so I knocked again, a bit louder this time, but to no avail. Then I heard someone coming up the steps behind me and before I even had time to turn around, the King rushed past me and opened the door. Without knocking, of course.
He burst in, yelling: "Merlin! Get here this instant!"
He sounded seriously pissed, and I decided to stay out of this and not risk being drawn into anything.
The door to Merlin's small, personal room behind Gaius' opened and the warlock emerged, his hair a mess, looking like he had just fallen asleep, blinking at the light. Behind him, I could see Gwaine laying on the bed. It remembered me of the first time we saw him, and remembering the laughing, rebellious Gwaine in comparison to the seriously wounded one was like a stab to the heart.
"Arthur?", Merlin asked sleepily and yawned.
"What", Arthur snapped and threw something at the servant with a sudden move, "is this supposed to mean?"
"I believe this is one of your shirts", Merlin stated and quizzicallylooked at the King.
"I guess someone even dumber than you could have figured that much out! Don't you notice anything else?" Arthur's voice had an edge to it now and he sounded more impatient than ever.
"No, not really..." The warlock sighed, turning the shirt over and over in his hands. Suddenly he grimaced: "What is this awful smell?"
"Exactly, Merlin! What is this awful smell? I wish I knew! But because I don't and everything in my wardrobe is reeking, you will go there and fix it this instant. It's the middle of the day, Merlin, and you have had enough free time the last few days!"
With these words he walked past me again, giving me a very small nod and then stomping down the stairs.
"But... Arthur, wait!", Merlin called, but the King was already out of earshot. Or he didn't care what his servant had to say. I was actually not sure which one of these explanations would be more likely.
Merlin stood in the middle of Gaius' room with the shirt in his hands, shaking his head. When he looked up, he noticed me and hurried over: "Have you heard all that?"
I nodded.
"I will have to go and take a look at Arthur's wardrobe. This thing", he waved the shirt around before my eyes, "smells like something died in there. But I can't leave Gwaine alone. Would you mind looking after himwhile I'm gone? I'm sure Gaius will be back any minute."
"Sure. I wanted to talk to Gaius anyway."
Merlin's room was quieter than the official sickbay. The warlock explained that both he and Gaius had felt it safer to monitor the knight's condition closely and this was easier when he was here.
He told me I had to renew the coldcompresson his forehead every few minutes. Merlin said that at times Gwaine was semi-conscious and that were the only moments when he would take a few mouthfuls of water, so if I noticed this I should try to get some water into him. If I noticed any serious change in his condition, I should immediately come and get him, or Gaius, if I could find him sooner.
When the warlock left me, he was more than anxious to return soon, looking really uneasy about leaving at all. His concern for his friend's well being was obvious.
Then I was alone again with the knight.
I sat beside Gwaine on a stool and watched how his chest rose and fell. His breathing was shallow and uneven. While I stared at him I thought how young he looked. He was only barely older than me, and now, with his face pale and meager, I could really see it.
Suddenly tears were running down my cheeks and I was unable to stop them. Gwaine looked like he was already dead.
When the worst of the crying had stopped, my head was feeling uncomfortably light and my eyes were burning. After a short while his hitching breath became unbearable for me and I started to say out loud all the things that crossed my mind, just to stop the room from being this silent.
"Where I come from, they could've cured you in no time. Your wound would be nothing more than a common occurrence, not worth their special attention. And they would give you all the liquids you need without you having to swallow anything at all..."
While I babbled on, I replaced the cloth on Gwaine's forehead. Even though I barely touched him, I could feel the heat radiating off of him.
"If I had followed the rules of the council, nothing would've happened to you. I always was a crappy tale-changer. They taught us we had to distance ourselves from the worlds we visited, they wanted us to be emotionless people who carried out their orders. But I never really did, I just couldn't. It made no sense to me and even if I tried, it never worked. I mean, look at me now! I'm talking to an unconscious man who can't even hear me. Since I've arrived here, everything has gone wrong and I have no one to talk to. I was alone for the past two years, too, but it wasn't that hard then. Seeing you together with the other knights... It only reminds me of what I lost. And whom."
Gwaine groaned and his eyelids flickered: "Gwaine? Can you hear me? Gwaine?"
My heart was beating rapidly and for a moment I was sure he would wake up. But of course he didn't.
This would be even too melodramatic for a tale-changer, I thought, and a bitter smile formed on my face.
"If only I had my necklace, Gwaine. I would've left before you had even gotten hurt in the first place. Maybe then everything would've corrected itself. Sometimes this does happen. I've never heard about a changer getting stuck in a world. The council should've done something by now to get me out again and to stop me from messing up this much."
Gwaine moved around uneasily for a few minutes and then lay still again without regaining consciousness.
No matter what the council said, the people in the stories are real, I thought and carefully brushed a stray strand of hair out of the knight's face. Because the members never traveled between worlds, it was so easy for them to judge us for becoming friends or even falling in love with people they categorized as mere 'Characters'.
But Gwaine felt real. The strand of hair was wet with sweat and his skin burning with fever, I could hear him breathe and groan. He was real, no matter what they said. They had no idea.
"You know – of all the knights, you always were my favorite. You are brave and strong and courageous. Full of yourself, but handsome enough to pull it off. Your jokes are crap, most of the time, but they always made me laugh and feel better, even when they were completely ridiculous. It always looked like you didn't care that much, but you always did. You are so perceptive, Gwaine, and notice the smallest things. You stand besides your friends no matter what and regardless of what they need you to do. You..."
I hated how my voice sounded, barely audible anymore even for myself. While tears clouded my vision again, I continued:
"Damn it, Gwaine, don't you dare die. Don't you dare. I've sworn I would keep you all save. And we are save, for now, for the next few years, at least as save as anyone in Camelot can be. You should be happy now, not in here, dying. I wasn't supposed to meet you at all and I feel so guilty and I just can't watch you die, I –It's my fault you're laying here and if... when... if you die, I will never forgive myself for that."
I stopped myself before I could say more like this, because I knew where I would end up, rambling on like this. I said it before: A changer needs a bond to the world he or she was going to, and if I continued talking, I might realize things that I didn't want to know, feelings I had buried inside me as deep as I could, not only because the council told me to, but also because I had been hurt once before. And I couldn't bear this to happen again.
But I had one more thing that needed saying. Leaning closer to the knight, I whispered: "You're not done yet. You are Strength, remember? This meant something, Gwaine. So be strong and fight!"
A/N: I'm perfectly happy with this one and hopefully you are too, even if it's very emotional. I just had to write it!
The next one will be the last one around the events of "The Sword in the Stone". It will be a bit longer than this one, I guess, because I have to tie off a lot of loose ends, but then we will proceed to the next step.
Thanks for reading, guys!
