ALRIGHT THEN LADS
IT BEGINS ANREW
AND BY ANEW, WE MEAN, FINISHING
BECAUSE IT IS THE END
I AM QUITE DRINK RIGHT NOW
SO I'M RELYING ENTIRELY ON ME AUTOCORRECT TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS
OK, IN CASE YOU, THE AUDIENCE WERE WONDERING OUR PREPARATION TECHNIQUE FOR THIS
IT'S CALLED DOING 'A BOB AND A BOOSH' - WE WATCH AN EPISODE OF 'THE LOVE OF PAINTING' AND DRINK EVERY TIME BOB PUTS ON A NEW LAYER, AND THEN WE WATCH AN EPISODE OF 'THE MIGHTY BOOSH' AND DRINK WHENEVER THE FUCK WE WANT
AND AS SUCH WE ARE NOW DRUNK
GODSPEED LADS
THIS CHAPTER WILL BE ASSISTED SBY EVERYONE WE add TO THE CALL THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT
OKLEWQDOIUEHBGLIRUGOOOOOOO
Chapter 10 - We've Delivered Your Great Son
It was a tense moment. Jorah the Andal is dead. He is fucked. He is out of this. No longer coming back. Uf you see hm again, t's because the writers have poor sonsistcneyc. He is fucking dead. So Ser Pounce is all like 'What the fuck?!', and Mr Geography is all like, 'Yeah, get fucked! I'm gonna go all geography on your arses! I've always wanted the power to make mountains!' (This line was from Bob Ross by the way - RIP).
And so he makes some mountains. Two mountains, to be precise. Ser Pounce is on one, Dopran is on the other. Everoneb else is clinging to said mountains for dear life, because lo and behold, there's fucking lava all beneath them like. Og, no, what a terrible idea, may have been commented on by some onlooker or experiencer of some situation. No doubt they underestimated Mr Geography in this escapade, on account of his slightly mundane name, but in reality, he was a god of the land.
'I am a god of the land!' shouted Mr Geography, proving that he was, indeed, a god of the land. I mean he could have easily lied about such a thing, but in this case, perhaps his words smack a smidgeon of the truth. It doesnt seem like he's lying, he did make like two mountains pretty spontaneous like. I don't know many people who can make mountains - aside from you, Ciaran, with your mountain of shit. #getfucked.
So anyway, there's lava on the floor. There's mountains protruding from it. Where is Mr Geography? I dunno, probably above the lava? I mean his power is geography, so that doesnt mean he's impervious to geography's wrath. So maybe he had to make his own mountain to avoid the lava. So yeah there's three mountains. DOES THIS FACT THAT HE IS NOT INVINCIBLE TO THE GEOGRAPHY HE CREATES … COULD IT PERHAPS PROVE TO BE SOMEWHAT PORTENTOUS?! COULD IT RELATE TO HIS INEVITABLE DOWNFALL? I don';t gucking know.
So anyway, Ser Pounce will not be bested by this cunt. 'Come on squad!' he cries. 'Let's make a human monkey chain!' And so everyone grabs their arms and legs and they all swing, propelling Ser Pounce onto the same mountain as Doran. But oh shit! Due to the feeble grip of the frankly old-as-fuck fisherman, the monkey chain begins to wobble and shake pretty damn precariously. And oh shit! As Ser Pounce manages to gracefully and on that there mountain where that geezer Doran is on, the monkey chain fucking collapses! Shock and horror, as all these bodies begin their slow-mo fall into the fiery depths of the lava beneath them! HOLY FUCK
But does this mean that everyone's favourite cjaacer, the fisherman, is going to meet an untimely end?! I mean, we could totally think back to all those times that the fisherman was totally ebenfivcial, but he's appeared like,e twice in the whole fuicloimng fiction. So uf we did kill him, it qwouldnt mean shit. But as it turns out, by some fortuitous serendipity, it turned out that he did surive, as he landed on top of three corpses of unnamed NPCs, and as it turned out, the lava was in fact quite shallow. WHICH AGVE SER PEROUNCE AN IDEA. …
FOR TOUY SEE, SER PIUCNE WAS B EGINJING to wonder how much spit it would take to turn all this lava into molten rock! And as he saw how shallow the lava was, he figured it would only take three spits! But wait, he is but a cat! He could only muster but one spit to spit!
He launched a huge fuck-off globule of spit into the fiery depths. The lava began to sizzle and bubble, kind of like when you cook chill con carne on a pan. Doran, with his spiritual connection to his comrade Ser Pounce, also releases a big glob of saliva into this here pit of lava, and the sizzling continues anew. But wait, trouble is afoot! For you see, one Ser Pounce level spit is equivalent to like 1000 human-level spit globs. SO EVRERONBS' frantically spitting onto this here lava pit, trying to remedy this here issue. Because lava pits are indeed, an issue. Unless you're some sort of flame-based salamander who thrives in such fire pits, but such a thing is unlikely.
BIT ALAS. The efforts made by their numerous friends to reduce the levels of lava were moot! For you see, they needed but one more person to assist with these here spit levels! Everyone was spitting for their damn lives, but shit was not working! The average human spit was not worytj even the usual; human spit! Fuck i dont even know what I'm wtiynbf! We need BUT ONE MORE PERSON… PERHAPS A CERTAIN GREEB!?
BUT WAIT! CHARLIE JOE CONOLLY IS DEAD! WHAT SHALL WE DO?! But wait! On the horizon, the squad saw a huge pulsating ball flying towards them across the horizon. As the ball got closer, and the light of the lava began to highlight this here ball, the squad saw the truth. It was a huge conglomerate of squiashed-ytogether greebs. Holy shit, is that the Greeb Granfalloon?! Why yes it is, bouncing towards them like a huge icky mass of failed emos and edginess. It came close, shadowing the sQUAD WITH it's hueg mass. A hole appeared in the bottom of the flesh ball, and below fell a single body. It landed upon the top of the moon tain; a singular beam of light shone upon the the body, as if God itself was focusing on this here specific greeb.
'CHARLIE JOE!' screamed Ser Pounce.
The newly born Charlie Joe looked at him with his usual edginess. 'I am not CharlIE JOE,' said Charlie Joe. 'I am Charlie Joe point 2'.
And with that, he released an unholy tidal wave of flesh unto the lava below, and the lava was so creeped out by this uncalled for scene of fucked-up activity that it just kind of fucked off. Perhaps it made some sort of sad face before leaving. Who knows? I am not one to speak on behalf of LAVA.
'OH SHIT!' said Mr Geohgraphy! 'You've out-geohgraphiedb my goehrpahy!'
'SUCK IT, CUNT!' SCREAMED SER POUNCE, AS HE whipped OUT HIS TRUSTED GLOCK. He shot Mr Geography right between the fucking gonads. Bit wait, I hear you ask! Can you kill geography, a literal force of nature? I men shit, it is in fac, nature?! Well yes, yon can. Fuck up all goerha[hy. And avatars of geography. Including geography teachers. Fuck em up.
So yeah, Mr Geography gets shot right between the fucking gonads. A little goblin drops his left testicle into the bullet wound. Why did the goblin do this? It had the urge for blood. Nobody really questioned it, however, as everyone was celebrating the fact that this geography man was screaming in agony. He wasn't actually dead yet, though he looked like he was on the way out. He was bleeding mountains.
The goblin looked at a Triumph Herald (a pretty sweet car) as Mr Georhaphy had a difficult time bleeding to death and and shrieking in agony. His frog companuon was fucked beyond belief, and his attempt at vengeance was ruined by a shot to the bollocks. Ser Pounce looked at this rather pathetic scene unfurling before him, and decided it was time to put this anticlimactic and/or gay villain out of his misery. 'Suck my glock,' he said, as he let fly one more bullet right into that geography lord's forehead. Mr Geography fell backwards, completely defeated and mostly dead.
The gang started cheering. Happy sunlit days. Party music was put on. Perhaps the Party Rock anthem by LMFAO, and everyone was there, partying. Keep in mind, this is right after a fifteen day long birthday party for the fisherman/. Bit uypi lknopw what they say; nothing like three deaths to catalyse a party atmosphere. THE GAY COMMUNITY ARRIVE. It gets gay-ed up.
BUT THEN WHAT?! Like everything in this fucking story, there's an anticlimactic ending. How iill we end this thrilling saga?! We didn't know either. So we asked A WHOLE LOAD OF people how to end it. And combined their ideas into this:
Suddenly, the Pope ran through the fucking wall. He screamed out, 'YOU HERETIC!' at Ser Pounce. Everyone was shocked, their celebrations preemptively interrupted by this fucking Catholic fun sponge.
And Ser Pounce is all, 'WAHT,I ', NOT A HERTIC`? '
And the Pope is like, 'yeah you do!'
And Ser Pounce is all like, 'oh ok'
AND THEN SHIT HAPPENS
AS IT TURNED OUT, Ser Pounce was being held accountable for the illicit antics he used to bring Doran back to life, which the Catholic church had construed as being due to devil worship. So there he was, in a prison cell, in the Vatican. Everything was rather bleak and sad and lonely, and Ser Pounce was approached by a very magnanimous man who said, 'Give that man a bapple!~' And then Ser Pounce was happy once more, as he had a bapple, Though thatharldy maters in the overall; narrative.
IT;S BEEN 25 YEARS. and ever since the first day he was digging a day through that cunt wall and one day eww free! And hen he war;wd htpigh shit and the he was free! HE RAN THE GFUCK AWAy and then he met Ser Pounce, he was on a beach. He found out that Diran had actually been surfing atop a terminal illness, which took 25 years ti hit hi, apparently. he'd got like new friends.
HE DIED BY SER POUNCE'S SIDE. 'FUCK ME ONE LAST TIME,' SAID DORAN, but Se Pounce did not do this. Ser Pounce smothered Doran with an anvil right in front of Doran's tigger family, and then turned into a motorbike and cried. As death occurred, Ser Doran got some sweet armour and killed the tigger family with a sword. A real big sword though, yeah? Turbo Tard. Copyright. FCUK.
SER Pounce turns to the camera and says, 'BRING ME THE BAT,' and cripples his own son over a cat. WHAT. Then he read Doran's will, and found that Doran had left De Pounce his own disalbilu OH SHIR! So then Der Pounce didnt hqvw rookie legs! fuckkkk!
Nine years passed. Ser Pounce was at Aldi, in his wheelchair, buying a packet of brioches. When all of a sudden, his head caves in backwards, he deflates, flies around like a deflecting balloon, and then becomes the Pope. He lands on the Pope, taking control/. Like remember in Dark City, with the magic jellyfisj Yeah like that. Ser Pounce is now a magic jellyfish. And he is also the Pope. He gets a special cat-sized hat. 'YOU ARE
THEN, ONE DAY, LIKE IN MACBETH, THE GHOST OF PRINCE DORAN ATTENDS HIS DINNER CEREMONY. And you know what he says? 'Dude, we've got to get high, discover the meaning of life, and then defeat our evil robot counterparts! You need to destroy the void the dragon that is in the labyrinth within the centre of Mars! Get your arse to Mars!'
AND SO HE DID. They got to Mars. Ser Pounce fucked a Martian. But that was unrelated. He found a big fuck-off void dragon. It shouted, 'I AM MELANCHTHON, AND FUCK OFF!' Bit Ser Pounce did not fuck off. He, in fact, slide-tackled and then double DDT-ed that bastard void dragon on the surface of Mars. Ser Pounce fucking flew across the surface of Mars on a bungee cord, and delivered a brutal smack down on that cunt dragon right to the face. HE MADE A FUCKING BOW AND ARROW OUT OF THAT CUNT'S BONE STRUCTURE. I MEAN IT'S A VOID DRAGON, AND THUS PRESUMABLY MADE OF VOID, SO DOES IT EVEN HAVE BONES? I DON;T KNOW, I'M JUST WRTIJ FWHAT PEOPLE ARE CHATTING IN THE SKYPE CHAT.
(ok ive been informed that the aforementioned dragons are made out of sun/space metals but fuck off)
THE DRAGON SI FUCKED UP. THEN TEY FIND DOIRAN. THEY RESUSTRECT THAT CUNTU USING SPACE ANCGISA. ANBD TRGHE THEY GET HIUGH AND THET FIND THEUR EIIL ROBBOT XONFITNERPARYS; AS IT TURNED OUT, THE EVIL ROBPT COUNTERPARTS WERE A FINAL MENTAL REMNANT OF TGE AFIREMTNTIOONED ION DRAOGM . THE ROBOT COUNTERPARTS IN QUESTION WERE PRETTY DAMN ARSEHOLISH - THEY WERE ALL LIKE, 'YOU'VE GOT TO START THINKING "BEE" - YOU FUCK'
BUT WHAT COULD SER POUNCE DO THEN, WHEN FACXED WOYNT SHIS MORAL QWUANIERY !
AND THEN WHAT THET OBVIOPUSLKY DEFEAR TGEHM. ABD RGEB IT IS ALL GIODD..
"'MEGAMIND' IS ACTUALLY AN ALRIGHT FULM - I ONLY PRETEND TO DISLIKE IT BECAUSE OLLIE IS A FAGGOT" - Dylan, 2016
AND THEN, THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY ENDS WITH THE MAGNIFICENT PRINCE DORAN,RISNG FROM THE SAD FLIMSY ASHES OF TEH UNDERWORLD, AND HE FOLLOWED SER POUNCE, HAND IN HAND, INTO THE DOORWAY WHICH LED TO LANDS UNKNOWN BY ALL
LIKE A DOOR APPEARED IN FRONT OF THEM - OBVIOUSLY AN ALLURING DOOR, WITH LIKE A POSYER OF A CHICK WITH HER BAPS OUT ON THE FRONT ON IT - AND THEY WALKED THROUGH SAID DOOR HAND IN HAND, AND EVERYTHING WAS GOOD
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: HOME INSURANCE CAN'T STOP THE APOCALYPSE.
ALSO MAYBE d raon IS SCHIZOPHRENIC; MAN IS NOT REAL
A WORM IS NOT AN ORIGINAL IDEA - I WOULD LIKE A PROFESSIONAL TO TELL ME THAT - NO PROFESSIONAL IS GOING TO TELL YOU THAT YOU CUNT
DEAAATTHHHHHH
OK THAT;S THE END
WE ALL AHVE FINISHING SENTNECESL:
DYLAN SAYS ''WHY IS OLLIE SO MEAN TO ME?' AND HE ALSO BEGGED TO ASK, 'WHY DOES OLLIE LOVE MY WORM DRAWINGS SO MUCH? !'
QUESTION SAYS, 'HANG THE BITCH'
RUGGY SAYS, 'MY DOG LIKES TO WATCH STORAGE HUNTERS; SHE IS A GIMP AND A SPENG'
JACK SAYS: 'TO LIVE A LIFE IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME IS TO LIVE A LIFE WELL'
LAWRENCE SAYS, 'THUS THE WHEEL WHISKED ROUND IT'S AXIS ONE LAST TIME, AND THROIUGH THE CRIES OF 'HANG THE BITCH' AND 'DRAW A WORM YOU CUNT', THE CAT AND THE CRIPPLE HAD A KNOWING LOOK AT EACH OTHER, AND IN THE END NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED, THE END'
READER SAYS, 'I'M GONNA CLOG YOUR COOTER WITH MY CAREFUL CUCUMBER'
OLLIE GETS TWO QUOTES BECAUSE HE'S AN AUTHOR: 'WHY DOES DYLAN SPEND THREE WEEKS DRAWING WORDS?' AND ALSO 'THANKS FOR READING TEN CHAPTERS OF THIS, SEE YOU NEXT YEAR FOR SOMETHING'
AND KIM SAYS: 'I'M GONNA GO WATCH "WRATH OF THE TITANS" AND DRINK NOW, FUCK OFF PLEASE', AND ALSO 'ERGLEDEBOPWOP?!'
CHEERS LADS FOR READING THIS
BYE~~
