A/N: This was one of the chapters easiest to write, though it is quite heavy on emotions, I guess, so be warned. Things are going to change drastically from now on...
Chapter 14 – A Token of Friendship
With one final, loud clattering the cell door closed. The Queen's last words echoed in my head: "You have been found guilty of the attempted assassination of the King, the penalty for which is death..."
Despite not wearing bandages, I had trouble breathing. Every time I inhaled, it felt like my throat was burning. I was barely able to stand, because my knees trembled badly, so I merely crawled over to the corner farthest from the door, trying to understand what had happened.
On my way downstairs to the cell, I had had a few, crystal-clear moments: The events definitely weren't happening in the right order, and not to the right people. Obviously my presence had done more harm than I had imagined. Not that I wished Tyr to be in my place, but still I would have appreciated not to have been sentenced to death.
It wasn't the first time, but it felt worse than ever before, because this time I had actually betrayed people I had called my friends. Not only had I lied to them, but I also had not succeeded in my plan to save Arthur.
Yesterday around this time I had been at the tavern with the inseparables, emptying one beaker with mead after the other, joking and laughing while trying to ignore Gwaine flirting with the barmaid and listening instead to Elyan talking about his newest lady friend. I had been Sir William of Camelot then, the inseparables' shadow, wearing a red cloak with the Pendragons' crest on it. Now, I was a nameless woman with a ripped shirt sitting in the corner of a cell, waiting for her execution.
The shaking wouldn't stop even after some time and tears were rolling down my cheeks incessantly.
Just my luck then.
Darkness crept into the cell gradually. I had been sitting without moving for what felt like hours, staring at nothing. In the silence of the dungeons, a thought had returned to haunt me: I was as bad as Morgana. I had meddled with this world. I wanted to change it for the better, but instead I lost control over everything. There was no telling what my presence had done to the legend, what changes I had made without noticing. You can want the right thing and try to achieve it with all the wrong measures. Was this a quote? I wasn't sure. Not any more. Not about anything. Maybe this was what I deserved: Punishment for having been so self-righteous as to believe I could actually do something to change Arthur's destiny.
The council may have been right. I wasn't fit for the job.
What a difference a day made, I thought, grimaced and started crying again when I realized I was in the same cell in which I had befriended Gwaine and Gaius.
I must've slept for some time, because I woke with a start when I heard the cell door opening. It took me several seconds to realize where I was, and before I could move, someone pressed a hand to my mouth to stop me from screaming. Then I heard a familiar voice: "It's me, Will."
Gwaine's face was only dimly lit by the torches that were burning in the corridor, but I stopped struggling instantly.
He removed his hand from my mouth and rose, extending the hand to me to help me up: "We don't have much time. Come on!"
We reached the metal gate at the end of the tunnel just when the bell started tolling. Startled, Gwaine looked round, but the tunnel behind us was quiet and only lit by our own torch, so hopefully no one knew where we had gone to. Not yet, anyway.
It was ridiculous that this time the warning bell was marking my flight from the dungeons, that it was my fault the knights dressed as quickly as they could, ready for anything. I knew what it felt like to be woken in the middle of the night by this bell, knowing that anything could be happening and that maybe, one would not live to see the light of day.
Gwaine fumbled with the lock and I heard the rattling of keys before the grille opened and I vaguely wondered where he had got the keys from.
I followed the knight out into the forest, a few hundred metres away from the castle. Our escape route had been one of the ways Merlin used to get out of the citadel without being seen. I had seen him emerge from this tunnel so often in the series it actually felt familiar.
Gwaine turned round to me, a haunted expression on his face as he stared back to the castle. I could hear people shouting in the distance and torches flickering, but my thoughts were occupied by something else.
"Gwaine, look, I can explain, I..."
"Don't", he interrupted me, grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to a cluster of bushes to get more cover.
"Please, just give me a minute, I beg you, I need you to know..."
He squeezed my hand with so much force I stopped on my own accord and said, without looking at me, "You misunderstood me. There is no need for you to explain. I know."
I stared at him in disbelief and after a few moments, he turned around, his face close to mine, and added: "I've known something was going on for quite some time, but it was only today that I learned all about what and how much you did."
"Gaius told you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, and I wasn't sure if I should feel betrayed or relieved that Gwaine, who was – well, that he finally knew.
"He had to. After I told him I wanted to bust you out of the dungeons, he filled in the blanks I hadn't figured out for myself yet."
"How long did you know I was lying about something?"
With an unusually serious face he said: "Our first day in the cells. I wasn't sure if you had been hurt and when I examined you, I found.." he gestured to my upper body. Even though he had given me his shirt to cover me, I was feeling naked.
Blushing deeply, I asked: "Was this all you found out on your own?"
"I don't think we have time for that now, Will", he whispered, but continued nonetheless: "When I woke up at Gaius', I remembered vivid dreams about you visiting me, talking about strange things I didn't fully understand. I didn't thought much of them until I found this, though."
He grabbed my hand again, thrust something into it, and gave it another squeeze.
"There's not much time left now, Will."
A tiny smile appeared on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. After two years, I knew every expression of his, so I knew he was saying goodbye.
It was like someone had punched me in the stomach, because this expression made everything real. I had to leave Camelot if I wanted to survive, and staying here to get killed wasn't an option, not after everything the knight had risked to get me out of the dungeons.
Suddenly I realized even more. He had known I was alone and desperate, he had known I was a woman, an impostor, and he must have guessed that I wouldn't survive long without someone having my back, so he decided to become my friend. It was me who told him everything, and he had somehow made me his responsibility, becoming my anchor and protector. And I had continued to lie to him every single day.
"Gwaine, I..."
With a sudden movement, the knight threw his arms around me. Hugging me tightly, he whispered in my ear: "Thank you for all you've done, Will, for trying to save us." I clang to him, sure he could feel how fast my heart was beating.
"I'm sorry I can't do more to repay you", he added, and then loosened my arms from around him.
He made a step back and stared at me for a few moments, so intensely as if he was trying to memorize the way I looked. I was sure I saw tears glinting in his eyes. Then he leant toward me one more time, pressed a kiss to my forehead, drew back and then, just like that, without another look back, he was inside the escape tunnel, closing the shutter, rattling with the keys, and then he was gone.
Torches moved around in the woods, getting ever closer to me. If I didn't start to run now, the knights would have me surrounded within minutes.
Only when I brought my hand up to my face to wipe over my tear-streaked face did I remember that Gwaine had given me something. Through the veil of tears before my eyes I looked at it and gasped: This was why he had stared at me so hard, taking in the way I looked, because he knew he would never see me again, but he thought this better than seeing me imprisoned and hanged. He did what he had done from the moment he decided I was his responsibility and now he had given me one last token of his friendship, a safe way out.
I had no idea where he might have found it or how long he had hold on to it for me. I had been sure it was lost, but instead it had been evidence everything I had told him when he was at Gaius' could be real. And after the physician had told him everything, he had decided to return it to me.
The thing he had given me was my necklace.
