AN: Thank you so much for the reviews! I only own the characters you don't recognize and all lyrics belong to Halsey.


My demons are begging me to open up my mouth
I need them, mechanically make the words come out
They fight me, vigorous and angry, watch them pounce
Ignite me, licking up the flames they bring about
I sold my soul to a three-piece
And he told me I was holy
He's got me down on both knees


River crossed her arms, "She's not going to talk as long as Sonny is in the room." This was met with a snort from Carisi, "Don't get offended, Sonny. She and I grew up in the same neighborhood. Kids are taught from an early age that the police are not your friends and if you snitch, you're the lowest of the low. I know her. I was her. Give me an opportunity to get through to her."

Liv thought it over for a minute, "Fine. Barba is on his way over to discuss a potential deal. You've got until he shows up."

"And when we knock on the glass, your time is up. Don't make one of us have to come in and get you." Dodds added as she turned to open the door to the interrogation room.

"Looks like someone has been talking to my old boss," she quipped.

Dodds nodded, "I do my research."

"Of course." River went into the interrogation room. She took a seat across from the young woman who was covering for their perp, "So, you're a Brownsville kid?"

"Yeah. What of it?" The young woman pushed her braids out of her face, "Is this the part where you tell me that I need to be better than where I came from and narc on my man?"

The detective shook her head, "No, this is the part where I ask you if Mr. Anderson still chases people he thinks are 'stealing"'out of his store with a bat. "

The detective's air quotes around the word stealing got a small smile out of the girl, "You're from the Brownsville, too?"

"Born and raised," River confirmed.

Nicolette's face twisted in a look of disgust, "And you became a cop?"

The detective met her gaze, refusing to be ashamed of the job she loves, "Detective, actually. I would tell you that not all of us are bad, but I know that's going to go in one ear and out there other. But, I will tell you that you're welcome."

"For what?" She crossed her arms before spiting out, "For harassing innocent people?"

River ignored the jab, "Back in my day, Mr. Anderson chased people with a metal bat. He chased me one day and I ran straight to my Mom. She came in the store, reached behind the counter, grabbed his bat and made sure he knew that her kids were off limits. He took a week off to heal and when he came back, he'd switched over to a wooden bat. Guess he figures that will hurt less if another parent decides to get even."

Nicolette couldn't contain her laugh. She suppressed it as quickly as she could before asserting, "I'm not snitching on Alejandro."

The older woman nodded, "I get it. Really I do."

"Oh yeah?" The other woman challenged her, "Why don't you explain it to me?"

"You don't have a father because who in the Brownsville does? Or if you do, you wished you didn't. My sister and I got the luck of the draw." River's curls bounced as she shook head, "Our old man was an abusive SOB who ghosted on us once a younger, shiner model came along. I've got some half brothers and sisters rolling around out there that I pretend don't exist because it's easier than having to discuss the waste of space who fathered me."

"So?"

"Oh, I'm not done. You've got daddy issues. And you can wipe that anger off your face," River leaned on the table, "because I'm not saying that out of judgment. I'm saying that as someone who has some daddy issues of her own. That being said. Alejandro rolls in like a white knight and, at first, you don't trust him. After all, when has any three piece that slums it in our neck of the woods ever done anyone any good?"

The younger woman prickled at her question, "He's different."

River bites her lip to hold back what she really wants to say about the predator this girl has built her life with. She takes a deep breath and continues, "Yeah, he is. You find out he's from the Barrio. That he worked his way into that suit and, somehow, that makes him better." Her tone softens, "Better than the dope boys that line up and down your block and better than the boys from the 'right side' of the tracks who were born with a silver spoon in their mouth who look at you as something to be experienced, but never truly loved. And he's older. Jackpot, right? Because older must mean wiser. Must mean that he's got his life together in ways you could only dream of."

"He loves me," Nicolette defended.

River reached across the table and laid her hand on the other woman's, "Maybe he does. I've got my own little Cubano Americano from the Barrio in my past. He checked off all the same boxes that Alejandro does and you couldn't have convinced me-not even now that we've split-that he didn't love me."

River could see the struggle on her face. Caught between wanting to keep her walls up and curiosity, her curiosity won out, "What happened?"

A wave of sadness washed over the detective. Although she might be embellishing her story a bit in order to get the young girl to trust her, the emotions that ran across her face were genuine, "I woke up one day and realized that he may love me, but he loves his power more. You'd do anything for him, but would he do the same for you? Because something tells me that with every argument or opinion you have that differs from his, he asserts the fact that he's the adult and you're a child and everything you have is because of him. Your worth is only valid if he validates it. I woke up one day and realized that I didn't want to live that way." With a shake of her head, she tamped down her emotions, "But, this is where you and I differ."

Nicolette removed her hand from River's before asking, "How so?"

"Because no matter how bad it got between us, his bad life choices never had me sitting on the other side of an interrogation room. You know he's guilty. You know he hurt these women. How long before you think he turns that around on you?"

"I'm different," she defended, but her voice wavered and River could tell she was beginning to break through her defenses.

"Are you?" River cleared her throat before she said, "I'm sure that's what my Mother thought before my sperm donor put a fist in her side for the first time. I'm sure that's what my sister thought before her high school sweetheart pushed her down a flight of stairs. He knows you're here and he knows we've got him on our radar. How many times over the next few days will you have to tell him you gave us nothing before he gets angry that you won't tell him the truth and my fellow officers are responding to a domestic at your place? Because if you walk out of here without helping us, there is nothing I can do to help protect you and I really don't want that on my conscience." She grabbed her hand again, "We Brownsville girls gotta stick together.

Indecision marred her featured as she questioned, quietly, "You won't let anything happen to me?"

"We'll get someone to protect you. I'll sit outside of your door without applying for a stitch of overtime if I have to," she assured her.

After a few beats, Nicolette made her decision, "Okay. "

A knock rang out through the interrogation room, "Write down every alibi you lied about and how long he was gone. I'm gonna go talk to my ADA about getting you possible deal to get out of being charged as a co-conspirator." River stepped out of the room. After she closed the door, and gave Carisi a fist bump, she addressed Barba, "Did you get stuck in traffic, Rafi? I was expecting to get pulled out sooner than that."

"No, I got here just in time to here all about your very own boy from the Barrio," he answered in a clipped tone.

She could feel the anger radiating off of him in waves, but she chose to ignore it. His anger could wait. A deal for Nicolette could not, "Are we gonna give here a deal? She got caught up and manipulated by a man who is almost old enough to be her father. She's 18. They've been together since she was 15. He virtually groomed her to only trust him. She didn't have a real chance against him."

Rafael wasn't going to let it go as easily as she hoped, "And that's exactly what happened to you?"

River bristled, "Not exactly. I was well into legal age when I met my ex. Now, counselor, deal or no deal?"

She and Barba stared at each other for a moment before he answered, "I'll need her to testify, but I'll deal."

Dodds interjected, "You don't have to watch her. We'll get someone to sit on her place."

"Not on. In," River asserted while shaking her head, "She was 15 when they got together and her mother still lives at the same address they always have. You think he doesn't know how to get in without being seen?"

"Good point," Liv agreed, "We'll get someone to guard the home."


A sharp knock sounded on River's door. She opened it and Barba pushed past her, "What the hell was that?"

"Please, do come in," River quipped as she shut her door.

Ignoring her comment, the ADA continued on his tirade, "Two weeks. You managed to keep your mouth shut for only two weeks. I expected you to tell everyone eventually, but two weeks is a little sad, even for you."

River sighed, "Okay, clearly, I need a drink to have this conversation. I don't have scotch but I do have my favorite moscato that you used to claim you didn't like, though I always came up missing some."

As she walked attempted to walk past him towards the kitchen, he blocked her path, "I'm not here fo-"

"Rafael Barba," she scolded as she put her hands on her hip, "you basically bullied my sister into giving you my new address and then decided to storm into my apartment, uninvited and all pissed about something that is basically your fault. So, you are going to table this discussion until I get a glass of wine or you are going to get your ass out of my house. Those are your only two options." She spun around and opened her door, "Pick one, papi."

He scowled at her before walking into her living room and sitting on her couch. After a few minutes of moving around in the kitchen, she set a glass of wine in front of him before sitting on the opposite end.

Barba started to speak, but she held up a hand to silence him, "The only reason anyone thinks that story I told was about you is because you got all pissy when I walked out of the interrogation room. Carisi took great joy in telling me all about the snarky comments you made before Dodds pulled me out. Listen, before the Lieutenant let me talk to Nicolette, the only thing I told her was I wanted to try to play up to the fact that we're both from the same neighborhood." She crossed her legs and laid them on the coffee table, "Besides, had you actually been listening to what I was saying, you'd know that I took several liberties with our story so it would be more like the situation she was in."

When he looked at the floor instead of responding, a light bulb went off for River, "That's why you're here. That's what you're so angry about. You're not upset because I brought up our past. You're upset because of the parts of it I twisted around."

He took a sip of wine before he spoke so softly that she almost couldn't here him, "The ending wasn't great, but we were good at the beginning. I didn't manipulate you into being with me."

"Oh, Rafi, I know that." River set her glass on the table as she took her legs down and scooted closer to Barba, " Listen to me, I fell in love with you with my eyes wide open. Being in a relationship with you is a choice I made without any manipulation, over and over and over again until the day that I woke up and decided that I didn't want that anymore. There is no part of me that feels manipulated or played or lied to. Our ending sucked, but the beginning and the middle was the stuff fairy tales are made of. I got my happily ever after with you. It just wasn't a happily forever after."

He nodded. Heavy emotions always made him uncomfortable so he tried to lighten the mood by joking, "So Andrea told you I bullied her into giving you the address?"

River knew exactly what he was doing. Though they hadn't been together in almost five years, she still knew he was at his core. Instead of pressing the issue, she let him change the subject, "Well, that's the story she tried to sale me until I called her on it. I know deep down there's a part of her that likes you more than she likes me. The day I told her I was moving back to New York, the first thing she asked me was if I planned on trying to get back together with you."

"And your response was?"

"The same as it has always been. That my relationship with you was none of her damn business five years ago and it isn't any of her business now," she answered, as she moved back to her original spot on the couch.

He nodded, remembering the many arguments she and Andrea had fought over her older sister's interference in their lives together. He took a sip of wine before asking as casually as he could, "What made you move back?"

She'd known this question was coming, but had hoped that it wouldn't be for awhile. She bit her lip and played with one of her curls before she answered, "It was time. When I left here, I was running. From you. From Andrea. From Mom. Hell, from myself, but I didn't realize it. Boston made me grow up. For the first time in my life, I was truly on my own. Solitude makes you unpack your issues and deal." She took a large sip of wine before deciding to be honest and add, "I missed you."

"My number never changed," Rafael challenged, voice rougher than he had intended it to be.

She tried her hardest to look at anything other than him, "After the way I left, I figured you wouldn't have answered."

It would be so easy to accept that excuse. To take it at face value and let it go. But Barba couldn't and wouldn't let her lay the blame for where they had ended up solely at his feet, "Maybe not at first, but I would have eventually."

"I know," she admitted after debating for a few moments if she was going to argue the point, "But you deserved better than that so I left you alone and worked on me."

"How'd that work out for you?" he asked, bitterness dripping from every syllable.

River answered honestly, "Well, I like me a whole lot more than I used to. I think you'd like her too."

He'd been there longer than he had intended. He couldn't sit on a couch with her and drink wine and act as if the past five years didn't stand between them, "I should go."

His statement was met with a sigh as he stood up, "At some point, you and I are going to have to learn how to coexist."

"Maybe, but not tonight," he replied without looking at her as he made his way to the door.

The old her would have jumped up and blocked his exit while demanding he continue their discussion, but she'd meant what she had said. She had taken the past few years to discover who she was outside of her dependency on her mother, sister, and him. The new her knew that patience was a virtue. The issues that had sent her running all those years ago would be dealt with in due time. They had to be if they were ever going to be able to work together without any issues. Time had made her wiser, but she still had a little bit of a petty streak in her so she couldn't resist having the last word in some way, "What ever you say, counselor."

Rafael's only response was to make his exit, gently closing the door behind him.