Chapter 21 – The benefit of the doubt
Gwaine loosened his arms around me when we could hear steps coming closer. Percival and Leon left the tomb. While Leon looked shaken, with red-rimmed eyes and dishevelled hair, Percival seemed composed and calm, but one look into his eyes told me he felt the loss of his friends as intensely as the others did. As we did.
None of us knew what to say, and so we stood quietly, Gwaine close to me, one arm still around my shoulders, until Merlin and Arthur arrived. Neither of them looked better than Leon.
"William", Arthur commanded and gestured to the woods. Again, I felt my body stiffen and I needed a few moments before I was able to follow him.
The King stopped a few metres into the wood and waited for me. His face was expressionless while he looked me up and down. I can only imagine what I must have looked like – meagre, with a haunted look, bags under my eyes, scars on my wrists and ankles from the ropes I had been tied with, dressed in rags, with long, tangled hair.
I had no idea what to suspect, and I was strangely aware that the knights and the warlock were staring at us, back from the tomb.
Arthur sighed and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it and resumed his looking at me. His stare made me feel like I was naked. After a few minutes had passed, I couldn't take it any longer.
"I am deeply sorry I tried to deceive you, Sire." While I had wanted my voice to sound steady and calm, it was shaking with emotion and sounded weird in my ears. Arthur lifted his eyes from my bare, filthy, scarred feet to my face.
"I regret ever having lied to any of you about who I am and where I came from, I – All I ever wanted was to be a Knight, to protect those who can't protect themselves, to keep Camelot save, even if the price were my own life. I would never, ever hurt you, or the Queen, or the knights. I swear I never tried to kill you and I never would. If I really had wanted to, I could have killed you many times before, in countless situations where no one would ever suspect I had any doing in it. You are my King, Sire, and you will be, for as long as I'm alive."
I knelt down before him and bowed my head while I waited for him to speak, again. I had said my piece, and now all there was was to wait for him to decide what to do with me.
Arthur sighed again and then he extended his hand toward me: "I believe you", he said. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up.
"You are hereby cleared from all charges against your person. I allow you to return to Camelot. You are free to do as you wish", I felt a smile of relief forming on my face, "but as you have lied to me", his eyes flickered to my chest, "you are from now on no longer a Knight."
While a hollow, disappointed feeling quenched my relief, I nodded. It was only fair – after all, I had deceived them. They would never again be able to trust me whole-heartedly, and it was my fault.
"Thank you", I whispered, and he gave me a tiny nod before returning to the tomb.
At first, I had wanted to make my way back to Camelot myself, but Merlin and Gwaine persuaded me to come with them, reminding me I had promised to let them help me.
We slowly made our way back to the ruins, hindered by Rodor, who was very weak and constantly needed help, and the dead knights we brought with us. There was Elyan, as well as the four knights we had found on our way to the tomb and three other knights who had fallen in the burial chamber.
We didn't stay at the ruins for longer than necessary, but set out to return to Camelot as soon as the stretchers with the dead had been tied to the now riderless horses and Rodor had been looked at by Gaius.
Meanwhile, the knights kept their distance from me and continued to give me wary looks and so I was more than just a bit thankful when Percival suddenly came over and hugged me. He never said anything, but as far as I could judge, that meant he was happy I was back and in one piece. I could only hope, though, that he had begun to forgive me.
I kept close to Gaius, Gwaine and Merlin on the ride back to Camelot, and Gaius' careful questions finally made me tell them about the last few months. When I finished, no one spoke for a long time.
Gaius suggested later, and I was sure he mostly did it for me to have something I could think about: "As you no longer have work in Camelot and no place to stay, I thought I would offer you a position as my assistant."
Merlin and Gwaine, who noticed my indecision, urged me to say yes, and I did after some consideration – I was with people who knew about me, able to keep an eye on them as well as they could do the same for me, and I would still be quite close to Arthur and Gwen.
It was close to two in the morning when we saw the lights of the city blink through the trees and another thirty minutes until we reached the gate which was, on Arthur's word, opened for us. A shiver went down my spine when we rode through the streets which were once so familiar and now felt strange somehow.
When we reached the citadel, I had a bad feeling I couldn't explain and wished I could still turn and run.
Even when we rode into the courtyard, it was obvious something had happened. Knights in full armour, on full alert were moving around us and out of the citadel in quick march. Arthur dismounted first, followed closely by the rest of us, and hurried to the citadel's entrance. When he reached the lowest step, Guinevere came out of the castle and flung her arms around him.
I was with Merlin and Gaius, the latter of whom had his hand laid on my shoulder for support, and quite close after the King, so that in passing, we heard her say: "... Mordred's gone, Arthur. He escaped from the dungeons shortly after she was hanged. It's almost like he's vanished. The guards searched as far as the river already, but there's no sign of him."
We all stopped at the same time.
Arthur shook his head repeatedly, shock and disbelief written plainly all over his face, while Gwen kept talking. I felt Gaius' hand tighten on my shoulder, and Merlin's face got whiter every second. When our eyes met, I could see how shaken he was.
While we had been in Nemeth, Kara must have been brought before the Queen on the charge of murder, had been found guilty and was hanged. And after that, Mordred had fled from the dungeons, using sorcery. By now he must be on his way to join Morgana, surely blaming Arthur and Merlin, even though they hadn't even been there to help.
While the information was slowly sinking in, the Queen had stopped talking. Arthur, shaking his head once more, took her hand in his and pointed to the stretchers on which the dead were lying. Because we were a few steps behind the King, I could clearly see Gwen's face. The Hollow Queen did hurry over to the stretcher on which her brother's body was lying, but her face had remained expressionless for a moment too long, and when she did react, it looked forced, even for me.
I saw a strange expression cross over Arthur's face while he watched his wife collapsing beside Elyan, and the doubtful look in his eyes stayed, even while he walked over to join her.
