Chapter 22 - On
Only a few days after Elyan's burial (something I'd rather not remember) I had started to fall back into a rhythm I had established for myself back when I'd helped Gaius before, shortly after the disastrous Feast of Beltane. Gaius' rooms seemed quite crowded, now with three people eating and sleeping there, but I felt quite at home, even more than when I had my own room in the castle. Merlin had actually offered his own room to me, but I told him I would be content as long as I had a blanket and no one would set the room on fire while I slept and finally, he gave in.
The warlock was only too happy to leave some of the things he normally did to me, like running errands, buying things at the market together with the physician, and delivering his remedies to the people who needed them.
The knights kept ignoring me or even openly called me a liar and traitor, and all of them were on guard when I was close. While Merlin predicted this would cease after a while, I doubted it.
In the mornings, before starting his work for Arthur, Merlin took me to the woods to gather herbs, and there, out of earshot, he asked me about what I had done the previous year, how I had coped, what I knew about the things that had happened in Camelot while I was away. He was especially interested in my encounter with the Disir and asked me more than once what they had said to me. I was able to repeat every single word of the conversation – I had thought about their words so often I knew them by heart. When we weren't talking about my life in Camelot, we talked either about his magic, or he questioned me about the worlds I had been to before. Strangely enough, the world interesting him most was my birth world. He was fascinated beyond measure about it, just as much as I was about his magic.
There was one topic we carefully tiptoed around, though: The inevitable 'I have magic'-talk with Arthur. Whenever we came even remotelyclose to that, one of us started talking about something else entirely.
When I lay awake at night (either because I'd fallen asleep and had woken from another nightmare, or because I was afraid to sleep at all and risk dreaming about something bad), I wondered how long this life could continue.
I had a nagging feeling, a very strong, nasty one, that something was about to happen very soon.
Meanwhile, Arthur was negotiating with Odin about a truce. The King was tired of fighting and feared that, should Odin die at his hands, the feud between Odin's people and his own would continue for eternity. Odin seemed to graduallybelieve that too. Their proceedingswere, as far as I heard, thought to be successful, and Merlin told us they slowly began to lay their hatred to rest.
Then, five days after our return from Nemeth, Arthur came to talk to the physician and Merlin, alone. I left the chamber to deliver the last phials of Gaius' newly-made remedies and when I returned, the King was gone and physician and warlock were in deep conversation about the Queen. I stood at the entrance without saying anything and listened: "... finally over, their will was no longer their own. They were slaves of the High Priestesses for eternity."
Merlin, looking up from the book he had been thumbing through, saw me and gave me a tired smile. Gaius turned around and gave me a thoughtful look, but before he could say something, I decided to finally do what I came here for and actively change something: "There are three people who know what to do about Gwen's condition: Morgana, the Dochraid", the physician shifted uneasily in his chair, and I guiltily remembered my promise not to tell him anything about what would happen in the future, "and me."
While Merlin closed the book with an interested expression on his face, Gaius sighed, and then nodded towards me. I smiled thankfully at him, walked over to the table and sat down. Then I explained what would have to be done, all the while remembering that by Merlin not going to the Dochraid, Morgana would never attack them on the way to the lake, and hopefully, she wouldn't know at all Gwen wasn't her slave any more. This might be something we could use to our advantage.
While Merlin hurried off to talk to Arthur about what he'd "discoevered in one of Gaius' old books", I directed my steps towards Gwaine's chambers. I had rarely seen him since we'd come back and since I figured we'd all deal with Elyan's death differently, I had wanted to give him some space. But now I missed him; and I had a feeling he might be asked to accompany Merlin and Arthur on their quest, so I wanted to tell him as much as I could about it.
Reaching the knight's chamber, I raised my hand to knock, but then I heard he had a female "visitor". And a very loud one at that. I stopped short for a moment and felt my cheeks burning – then I lowered my hand, which was shaking, and turned around.
I definitely needed a drink.
I reached the tavern and entered, my eyes darting to our usual table like on cue, resulting in a hollow, unbelievably sad feeling. It was empty, and always would be, after Elyan wasn't there any more. Someone would always be missing. Nevertheless, for old times sake, I sat down there and ordered some ale.
I was half finished with it when the door opened and Leon entered, swiftly making his way over to me. Sliding into the seat opposite of me, he gave me an uneasy smile and otherwise kept silent. I emptied my beaker hastily and rose, but Leon grabbed hold of my arm: "Sit", he said, and then, "please."
I sat back down again and looked at him, confused at what was going on.
The knight took his time, sipping his own drink slowly, and several times I thought he finally wanted to say something, but then obviously thought otherwise.
Just when I was on the verge of leaving, he murmured: "I should've warned you."
"What?", I asked, mystified.
"I should've warned you. About the Queen's suspicions." He nervously took another big gulp of his ale while I stared at his face, which was full of regret and guilt, and then continued: "Not even for a second did I think you could be guilty. There was no reason why you should try to kill Arthur, and even if you had, there'd been a hundred more convenient ways to do it."
I nodded and, when he stayed silent, asked: "Then why did you come to get me after all?"
He hesitated a moment and then answered, without looking at me, "Orders, I guess. They are so easy to follow and when something goes wrong, you can always blame someone else." He snorted and gave me a bitter smile, "I told myself there was nothing I could do for you and so I did as I was asked."
"And after that? I mean, after Guine- after the Queen revealed me to be a woman?"
Leon sighed: "I doubted my own judgement. I had been sure you weren't responsible for the attack on the King, but then again, you had lied to us for two years and I hadn't had a clue. I thought, if you had been unfaithful about that, you could've lied about other things, too."
I have, I thought, my heart clenching at the thought, I still am.
"After you had escaped I was furious. I tried to catch you for days, turned the whole city upside down, questioned the guards, even suspected someone of us had freed you – until I finally realised I was really angry at myself, because I hadn't helped you in the first place."
Neither one of us said something for a long time, both thinking about that day. Then, with a last swallow, Leon emptied his beaker and murmured: "Orders are one thing – but they should never come between friendship."
I reached over the table and took his hand in mine, giving it a squeeze to show him I understood and appreciated his honesty. We smiled at one another, and for a moment it felt like everything was all right again.
A little while of surprisingly comfortable silence later, I ordered another ale and while I waited for the barmaid to return, I asked, keeping my voice as steady as I could: "So... Who's Gwaine's newest conquest?"
"She's been rescued a few days ago from some bandits, actually."
"Bandits? What kind of bandits?" I felt my insides go cold.
"They raided small villages, plundered them, killed people, and took some of the women with them for their... private pleasures."
I held my empty beaker with so much force my knuckles turned white: "What happened to the women?"
"They were rescued about a week ago by a Camelot patrol. We'd been trying to get at the bandits for a long time; they were a real nuisance. Now those who weren't killed then are here in the dungeons. Arthur wants to deal with them personally. Eira, that's Gwaine's newest girl, is one of those women who are here to testify against – "
Something must've happened with my face, because Leon stopped short and stared at me with wide eyes, shifting around uneasily.
Eira, I thought disbelievingly, the information slowly sinking in. The feeling was pretty similar to the one I got whenever someone mentioned Mordred's name. I tried to recall the faces of the other women I had been held prisoner together with, but I was absolutely sure that Eira had not been one of them.
I would've noticed her. For sure.
"Excuse me", I said and rose so fast my chair tumbled over, gaining us the attention of all the people in the room, "I'm not feeling well."
I heard Leon call after me, but didn't stop. I started to run as soon as I was out of the tavern, back to the citadel, as fast as I could move my legs, not paying much attention to the people who managed to only barely avoid being knocked down by me.
Eira.
Morgana's other spy.
The game, I thought, is on!
