I'm still waking every morning but it's not with you
You're dripping like a saturated sunlight
You're spilling like an overflowing sink
You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece
And now I'm tearing through the pages and the ink
River stretched as her alarm went off. She didn't need it today since she had already told Olivia that she needed to take a personal day, but she knew she'd probably forget to reset it before the day was over. Thankfully, the older woman had not only granted her the day off but also didn't ask why. River probably could have made it through the day with just the SVU squad, but she had no guarantees that she wouldn't run into Rafael and, on this day, she didn't think she could face him. Her phone began ringing and, for a moment, her breath caught in her throat. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when she picked it up and saw it was her old partner, Arabella.
River laid back on her pillows as she answered the phone, "I should have known you would call today, Belle."
"How could I forget what day it was, Yorkie?" Arabella laughed, "I spent four years watching you mope around and wallow over the man you left behind."
Smiling at her old partner's southern drawl, she disagreed, "I do not mope."
"Whatever floats your boat, Yorkie. How are you?" Even though River couldn't see her, she could imagine the look of curiosity on Belle's face, "Do you think you'll run into him at work today? Surely he hasn't forgotten that it's y'alls anniversary."
River laughed, "Didn't you once tell me that I couldn't call it an anniversary because we weren't together?"
"No. I told you that I didn't think it could be considered an anniversary because y'all don't even talk to each other," Belle countered. "But, since you guys are back to being all chummy, I'm willing to relax what I feel you should title today."
"How generous of you," she quipped. She waited for a beat to see if the blonde was going to say anything. When she didn't, River finally admitted, "I'm not going to work today."
"Seriously? Come on, Yorkie. You're stronger than that," Belle chided.
"Maybe I am, but I just didn't want to deal with him today. Especially if he forgot." River explained, "I told Lt. Benson that I needed to take a personal day. She didn't ask and I didn't tell."
"Didn't you tell me he was besties with your new Lieutenant?" Belle asked.
"Rafi doesn't really do besties, but she's probably as close as he's got to one since he and Andrea fell out."
"So, did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason she didn't ask you why you needed a personal day is because she already knows why?" Belle hypothesized.
River shook her head, "I highly doubt that. Rafi doesn't share. Getting him to spill anything is like pulling teeth."
"If you say so, Yorkie," she replied. "I hate to run, but I'm pulling up to the precinct. Cap will have my head if I'm late. Gotta set a good example for my new rookie partner."
"He stuck you with a rookie? I thought he was gonna partner you up with Q?" River asked.
Belle snorted, "Yeah. That's a long story that I wish I had time to tell you. We'll save that for a Skype session."
"Deal. Love you, Belle."
"Love you, Yorkie."
River hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed. Days like today made her wish she had never left Boston. She desperately wished she was back with her old partner. Knowing that after the work day, Belle would have told her husband to find somewhere else to be and they would have had a wine, popcorn, and rom-com movie night.
She tossed the covers off and went into her closet. She moved around a few boxes on the top shelf and pulled out the box that she only allowed herself to open once a year. She took a seat on her bedroom floor and opened it. River pulled out the scrapbook that Barba had given her on their ten year anniversary. She couldn't help the smile that broke out when she remembered how excited she had been when he had given it to her. Sentimental was not something that Barba was good at, but he had listened to her when she had told him months prior that she wished he would spend more time-not money-on the gifts that he gave her.
As she flipped through the pages, reliving the memories they had made before it had all come to an end.
Barba looked over the text message transcripts that Olivia had brought to his office, "This is exactly what I needed. Let's see him try to explain his way out of this."
"Good."
The ADA expected her to leave, but when she didn't move from the chair, he asked, "Anything else?"
"River asked for the day off," Liv informed him.
Barba stopped shuffling through the transcripts that she had brought to him. He scratched the back of his neck as he said, "I told you she would. As much as she hates it, River is led by her emotions. It's what makes her so good with victims. They instantly know she's in their corner because her heart is on her sleeve. I'm not someone she could handle seeing today."
Olivia nodded, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Since you're asking, I'm assuming it's going to be a personal question about me and River." He leaned on his desk, "Since you just brought me the evidence that's going to win this case, I'm in a good mood. Ask away."
Benson crossed her arms, "How long were you together?"
"Eleven, when you add it all together." When Liv gave him a look of confusion at his answer, he explained, "Three breakups in the midst of that. Those add up to three years so when she left for Boston, we'd known each other for fourteen years. Today would have been fifteen years together if she would have stuck around. We've known each other for eighteen."
"That's a long time, Barba. Most married couples I know haven't been together that long."
"Is the implied question why we hadn't gotten married after fourteen years?" He shook his head, "Of course it is. That was always the question. Keep in mind, we got together when I was 23 and she was 18 so even after fourteen years, we were still relatively young. When she left, I was getting ready to propose. And by getting ready to propose, I mean I had one more payment until I had the ring."
Liv's gaze softened, "Barba, I d-,"
"And that's why you've never heard of her before she popped up in your squad room." He leaned back in his chair before continuing, " I don't need your pity, Liv. We were together and now we're not."
Benson asked, "Do you still want to be with her?"
"The better question is am I going to be with her. The answer to that is no. She and I are done. We've found a way to coeixst and work together, but there's nothing between the two of us." Barba answered.
"So if I keep her on the squad even after Rollins' maternity leave is done, you'll be okay with that?"
"I'll manage." When Olivia started to speak, he cut her off, "Look, Liv. River is a phenomenal detective. She'll be a good addition to SVU. Plus, she actually likes Carisi. That's gotta count for something, right?"
"Right." Olivia stood but stopped short of the door. She turned back towards Barba, "I'm not going to talk to her about staying until Rollins gets the clearance from her doctor to come back so you've got a month or so to change your mind."
"If I told you I couldn't handle having her around, you would let her go?" the ADA asked.
"You telling me that you couldn't deal with her being around would be a major sign of trust. That's gotta count for something, right?"
Without waiting for his reply, Liv exited his office.
