A/N: The format for this is a tad bit different because the song is actually used in the chapter. This is my favorite chapter in this whole story! Let me know what you guys think!

Also, I'd suggest listening to Strange Love so you can understand how the song sounds and how it plays out in the chapter:
watch?v=x-Jo25SL56A


Carisi took in the scene in front of him and said to River, "We are really out of place."

Both detectives were startled when a voice behind them spoke, "But that just means you're in good company." They both turned around and River was overjoyed to see her cousin. She hugged her as her cousin chastised her, "Took you long enough to get here. I've been trying to blend in with the potted plants for the past thirty minutes."

"Paperwork." The detective released her, " Have you worked the room? How terrible is it?"

Clarke nodded, pastel pink curls bouncing around, "I did. I had high hopes since Lucas is a doctor, but all his colleagues are as stuffy as you would expect." She looked Carisi up and down, "However, your date looks like he knows how to have fun."

"Partner. Not my date. Clarke, this is Sonny. Sonny, this is my cousin, Clarke. Although, if we're being honest, she's more like a sister," she introduced the two.

Sonny extended his hand, "Pleasure to meet you."

Clarke smiled widely, "I assure you, the pleasure is ALL mine."

"Down girl." River laughed as she separated the handshake, "I do have to work with him."

"I promise not to break him," she playfully replied.

"Clearly, you've already been hitting the bar," River deadpanned.

"It's free booze! Why wouldn't I?" Clarke's gazed moved past them, "Uh-oh."

River asked, "What?"

"Your sister and her fiancé are heading our way," Clarke answered.

"Why does that warrant an 'uh-oh'?"

"Because they have your ex in tow," she responded.

"Did you say free booze?" River linked arms with her cousin, "I definitely need a drink in my hand before I deal with Andrea and her weird fixation on my dealings with Rafi."


The trio made their way to the bar and ordered drinks. Andrea grabbed her sister and doled out air kisses. She then turned to Clarke and did the same. Turning to Carisi, she said, "I don't know you."

Clarke stirred her drink with the toothpick that the cherry was attached to as she answered before River could, "This is my newest conquest, Sonny. He may or may not also be River's partner."

Andrea cocked an eyebrow, "You would think, in your 32 years of life, you would have discovered some sort of tact."

"I believe in speaking what you want into the universe. Verbalize it and then it'll happen," Clarke retorted with a shrug.

Barba grinned, "Good to know you're still as new age as ever, Clarke."

"Long time, no see, suspenders."

"Really? Bringing back that nickname?" he groaned.

"You left. The nickname never did." When she received an elbow from River, she added, "Sorry. Still don't have a filter."

Barba deadpanned, "Then you and Carisi should get along really well."

Lucas, Andrea's fiancé, tried to contribute to the conversation, "Rafael, where's Laura?"

River cocked her head to the side, "Who's Laura?"

Andrea answered, "His girlfriend. She's quite lovely. He introduced her to us at an event about four months ago." Andrea pivoted towards Barba, "She's a journalist, right?"

Avoiding looking at River, Barba answered, "Yes, she is. She couldn't make it. She's got a deadline to meet in the morning."

"Shame she couldn't be here. I would have loved to meet her. If you'll excuse me and Clarke, we're going to go look at the karaoke catalog." She slammed her drink down on the bar and grabbed Clarke's arm. She started to head towards the karaoke booth but stopped briefly to turn back to her partner, "Sonny, mingle. We'll be back to rescue you in a bit."

As the two woman left, Sonny and Barba shared a knowing look while Andrea and Lucas, completely oblivious to River's reaction, guided them towards other party goers.


River took another sip from the bottle of wine that her cousin had managed to commandeer from the bar before lamenting, "He has a girlfriend."

"Breathe. Look, you told me you had no intention of getting back with him when you moved back. I know it's a shock and it hurts, but I need you to breathe so you can calm down and get back out there," Clarke replied as she gently rubbed her back.

"I just...we've talked." River ran a hand through her curls, "He should have told me."

Clarke gingerly asked, "Don't take this the wrong way, but is 'talking' all that you two have done? Because being upset about this is normal. Chugging a bottle of merlot in the girls bathroom and freaking out, however, is only normal if you two have slept together recently."

Before River could answer, the bathroom door sprung open and Andrea walked in, "You have got to be kidding me."

Clarke held up a hand, trying to stave off her impending tirade, "Andrea, don't sh-"

"You are not going to embarrass me and ruin my party. Whatever drama you want to drag up, do it on your own time. You left Rafi. You have no right to be upset that he has moved on." She then addressed their cousin, "Clarke, what were you thinking giving her booze while she's flipping out? How did you even get a full bottle?"

"Perks of being a bartender. We tend to run in the same circles which means I do, in fact, know the man you've got tending bar tonight." The younger woman put her hands on her hips,"As for what I was thinking? Well, I was thinking that she's a grown ass woman and, therefore, well above the legal drinking age and capable of making her own life decisions".

Andrea took in the sight of River drinking out of the bottle and she wondered, "What did he ever see in you?"

"Andrea Lorraine!" Clarke exclaimed.

River placed the bottle on the sink. She laughed, bitterness dripping off her tongue, "You just think he's so perfect, don't you? You have NO clue how our relationship worked even though you tried to continuously insert yourself in it."

"Don't you mean didn't work? Because I can't help noticing that you two aren't living out a happily ever after," her sister shot back at her.

The detective stalked over to where her sister stood. When she spoke, her voice was low, but laced with vehement, "Did you ever stop to think for one moment that maybe he did something that made me want to leave?"

The lawyer shook her head and scoffed, "Like what? Not give into all your selfish and childish demands?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize expecting the man that you want to marry to not cheat on you was being spoiled." She moved and took a seat on the sink area, "I'll make sure to tell Luke that he can go bang as many women as he wants and still get to come home to you."

"He didn't. Rafi isn't the type," Andrea refuted.

She leaned back against the mirror, "Oh, you have no idea. But, you're right. He didn't actually go through with it. Not because he grew a conscience, but because I caught him. Women's intuition is a hell of a thing. I'd had his personal email passwords for years and hadn't ever used them until that point."

"Well, maybe he was tempted by someone who didn't push so hard against all his positive life choices," she retorted.

"Are you kidding me right now?" She jumped up from her perch, "I just revealed to you that he was actively planning to cheat on me and you're still on his side? Are you sure you're not in love with him?"

"Don't be absurd. I just know him and I know you. You're reckless and impulsive and stubborn."

Anger coursed through River's veins at the sound of her sister's dismissive tone, "Was. I was those things. I spent four damn years working on me. Whether or not you want to acknowledge it, I am a different person."

"Really? Because I haven't seen it in all the months that you have been back. You want to show me that you've changed?" Andrea crossed her arms, "Then suck it up. Go mingle. Sing some terrible karaoke like everyone else. Eat. Drink. Be merry and do not ruin my night."

The younger sibling closed her eyes and took a deep breath before replying, "You're right."

Clarke chose this moment to speak, "Riv, sh-"

River cut her off, "Hand me my purse. I'm just gonna fix my makeup."

"Good girl." The lawyer motioned to their cousin, "Come on, Clarke. Let's leave her to it."

"Actually, Clarke does winged eyeliner way better than I do. Wanna be a pal and help a girl out?"

"Sure," she answered.

After Andrea exited the bathroom, River asked Clarke, "You still carry your flask?"

"Of course. It's the only way to get through a night of rubbing elbows with Andrea's boring ass friends. Open bar or not. You?"

River affirmed, "Yep. Hand yours over."

The bartender pulled it out of her purse, but stopped short of giving it to her to ask, "What are you gonna do?"

"Big sister wants reckless and impulsive? I'll show her reckless and impulsive. She wants to act like I haven't changed? Why not give the lady what she's asking for. I just need some liquid courage," River answered.

Clarke asked, "This isn't going to be pretty, is it?"

"Nope. Flask," River held her hand out.

Pink curls bounced around as the slightly younger woman shook her head before handing over the flask, "If Andrea asks, you stole this out of my purse when I wasn't looking."

"Deal."


As the opening notes of the song River picked started to play, Carisi spoke quickly, "Um, guys. River's been listening to this album for a few months now. This is about to get really bad."

Andrea stood from her seat, as did Barba. They were about to go grab her off the stage when Clarke spoke, "Wait, most of these people don't know Riv."

"Your point?" Andrea coldly demanded, sure that their cousin had a hand in whatever was about to happen.

Lucas wrapped an arm around his fiancé, "I think her point is that most of them don't know River so they don't know about her past with Rafael. If you let her finish, she just looks like she's had a little too much to drink and sang an inappropriate song. You two storm the stage? Then they know there's something to it."

Carisi tossed out, "Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast. The singer is about to start."

Andrea turned to Barba who shrugged while saying, "Let her make a fool of herself."

"Everybody wants to know
If we fucked on the bathroom sink
How your hands felt in my hair
If we were high on amphetamines"

River ran her hands through her curls as she sang the first verse and looked directly at her sister.

"And everybody wants to hear
How we chain smoked until three
And how you laughed when you said my name
And how you gripped my hips so mean"

As she sang the last two lines, she closed her eyes as she slid her hands down her body and stopped when she reached her hips. Before she sang the next part, she opened her eyes and her gaze landed directly on Barba.

"We wrote a story in the fog on the windows that night
But the ending is the same every damn time, no, no, no
We wrote a story in the fog on the windows that night
But the ending is the same every damn time

They think I'm insane, they think my lover is strange
But I don't have to fucking tell them anything, anything
And I'm gonna write it all down, and I'm gonna sing it on stage
But I don't have to fucking tell you anything, anything"

Turning her eyes back on her sister, she gripped the microphone stand and began to sway as she slurred out:

"That's the beauty of a secret
You know you're supposed to keep it
That's the beauty of a secret
That's the beauty of a secret
You know you're supposed to keep it
But I don't have to fucking tell you anything, anything."

She unhooked the microphone from the stand. She pushed the stand out of her way and it fell. Rafael was very thankful that looks weren't capable of killing people. The amount of bile found in her brown eyes made it perfectly clear exactly how she felt about him in that moment.

"Everybody's waiting up to hear if I dare speak your name
Put it deep beneath the track, like the hole you left in me
And everybody wants to know 'bout how it felt to hear you scream
They know you walk like you're a God, they can't believe I made you weak"

As she belted out the line about making him weak, she unbuttoned the first two buttons on her blouse. Barba couldn't help but follow along with her movements. She sank down and sat on the edge of the makeshift stage.

"We wrote a story in the fog on the windows that night
But the ending is the same every damn time, no, no, no
We wrote a story in the fog on the windows that night
But the ending is the same every damn time

They think I'm insane, they think my lover is strange
But I don't have to fucking tell them anything, anything
And I'm gonna write it all down, and I'm gonna sing it on stage
But I don't have to fucking tell you anything, anything

That's the beauty of a secret
You know you're supposed to keep it
That's the beauty of a secret
That's the beauty of a secret
You know you're supposed to keep it
But I don't have to fucking tell you anything, anything

These days I can't seem to get along with anyone
Get by with anyone
These days I can't seem to make this right
Well, is this fine? Will it be alright?

They think I'm insane, they think my lover is strange
But I don't have to fucking tell them anything, anything
And I'm gonna write it all down, and I'm gonna sing it on stage
But I don't have to fucking tell you anything, anything"

Once she finished singing, she dropped the microphone, hopped off the stage, and headed behind the curtains that were hanging around the stage.

Clarke pulled out some cash and handed it to Carisi, "Sonny, go get my cousin. Take her out back through the door in the kitchen, get a cab, and see her home."

The detective started to make his way towards the stage, but Andrea stood and grabbed his arm, "She's not going anywhere before I talk to her. Besides, she's not your problem."

Clarke stood and pulled her cousin's grip off of him, "But she is your partner. She trusts you with her life and, right now, she's going to be feeling pretty open and exposed. Go protect your partner. Get her home, safely. Feel free to text me later and tell me how it went." She finished with a wink. After Sonny left, she rounded on Andrea and Rafael, "You do realize, Andrea, that this is your fault, right?"

Andrea scoffed, "I refuse to take the blame for her actions."

"How are you so smart and, yet, so stupid?"

"Excuse me?"

"Maybe if you stopped referring to her as a problem then none of this would have happened." She briefly stopped addressing Andrea to speak to Barba, "Yes, she was upset to learn that you had a girlfriend, and if that little performance tells me anything, it's that you two have definitely slept together in the time that she has been back. Probably while you were with Laura. I'd be upset too if I learned that I slept with a guy without knowing he had a girlfriend. If I'm going to be a home wrecker, I want to make that choice. Not be duped into it." She then pointed at her cousin, "Then in comes the oh-so-perfect Andrea. You got angry at her for having a human moment and escaping the crowd to try and calm down. Not only that, but you also insulted all the hard work she as put in to improve herself over the past few years. You never visited her in Boston. You didn't see the people she was around. You didn't see the positive choices she started making. Hell, as happy as I am to have her back, I'm starting to wish she would have stayed there instead of walking right back into the heartache that comes from being around you two."

"After that little performance, you honestly want to argue with me about whether or not she's finally grown up," she argued.

"Yes. Do you know her exact words before she got ready to go do that? They were all about giving you exactly what you expected of her. You don't see her changes because you keep treating her like the girl she used to be. Keep setting your bar low and overlooking how good she's doing and she'll eventually give up and behaving in the manner you assume that she is going to," Clarke defended.

Barba finally spoke, "She's got a point, Andrea."

The other lawyer was indignant, "After all that, you're defending her? I guess you have been sleeping with her."

Lucas tried to calm her down, "Darling."

"Lucas, thank you, but I can speak for myself." Barba addressed his former best friend's last statement, "I have. I make absolutely no excuses for it. But, I'll tell you now like I told you all those years ago. What happens between your sister and I is absolutely none of your business. You'll know what she wants you to know because you are her sister. As for defending her? I work with her, day in and day out. You know how she was. Almost always in trouble for something. If her Captain hadn't like her so much, she wouldn't have kept her job for very long. She's refined all the things that make her a great detective and cut off all the things that made her a risk. We've had our run-ins but she hasn't responded to our disagreements the way she used to. She's become someone I can actually debate with and if you give her a chance, you might just find that she's become someone you can be proud to call your sister." Done with the conversation and the party, he sat his scotch on the table, "I'm going to leave. There's no way all these people haven't figured out that that show was personal. "


River toddled to her door. Without looking through the peephole, she answered, "Clarke, I promise, I'm f-"

She stopped short when she realized that it was Barba standing at her door and not her cousin. Before he could speak, she started to slam the door in his face. He stopped her.

"I really don't want to do this in the hallway," he said as he angled his body so she couldn't close the door all the way.

She scoffed, "I don't want to be the girl who screwed someone with a girlfriend so I guess no one around here is getting what they want."

"I shouldn't have slept with you and I should have told you," he yielded. "River, let me in."

While the detective had sobered up considerably in the hours since she had left her sister's party, she was starting the feel the incoming hangover and was too weak to keep pushing the door. She backed up and let Rafael in the apartment.

Barba looked down at the floor, "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'm so-"

Before he could finish his apology, River shoved him, "NO! You do not get to apologize and assuage your guilt. You do not get to try and make yourself feel better for being a shitty person and a shitty partner. And to think, I thought you had changed too. For the better. You've just gotten smarter about not getting caught."

"Can you stop acting like I would have slept with anyone other than you? I didn't cheat on Laura because I'm not happy. I didn't cheat on her because we're having problems. I cheated on her because it was you." Barba crossed his arms as he continued his tirade, "Because you have always been able to get under my skin in ways that absolutely no one else can. If any other woman had done what you did tonight, I would be absolutely done with them. Work be damned. But because it's you, I'm here. After defending your actions to your sister, by the way."

"Oh, how noble of you," River spat.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Barba released a long sigh, "What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing," River answered, "I want you out of my house. I actually want you out of my life, but I plan on sticking around at SVU so I know that's not happening. This," she motioned between the two of them, "is done. I don't quite know what to call this, but it's over. I want off this emotional roller coaster with you. I've made an ass of myself over you for the last time."

"If that's what you want."

"It is." River ran a hand through her hair, "And it's what you should want, too."

Without another word, Barba exited the apartment. After she locked the door behind him, River slid down to the floor and dissolved into tears.

But the ending is the same every damn time