A/N: I rewrote this chapter again and again and again, but I always knew we'd inevitably end up here, ever since Will was in the dungeons with Gaius and Gwaine. This is quite an emotional one again, I'm afraid, and I have a feeling the person for whom it is written simply is myself, because this is what I needed 'the end' to feel like. Just wanted to sent some warning ahead, and again remind you of the epilogue still to come.


Chapter 30 – Failing

When I woke up, I tried to open my eyes and failed.

I tried again and failed again. Then I found that I couldn't move any other part of my body, either. My breathing quickened, but nothing else happened. I could smell sweat, metal and, overwhelming above everything else, blood, so I figured I was still on the battlefield. Then I became aware of a burning pain in my right arm, shoulder and side that became worse as time moved on.

I dimly remembered how I left Guinevere and went off towards where the hidden path must be. It had been as good a guess as any to where Gwaine might be, and I had known I was running out of time. On my way there I had decided to sit down for a few minute s, and then – just blackness.

I only realised I had slipped back into unconsciousness when I woke up again, still completely paralysed, sweating despite feeling cold, strangely tired and weak, my left side hurting even worse than before. But now I could hear people moving around, calling out to one another, and the sound of hurried steps, coming from all directions. It was a long while until someone kneltdown beside me and checked if I was still alive, then this someone lifted me up carefully, but it hurt like hell nonetheless.

A lot of moving followed while I slipped in and out of unconsciousness again, then I heard the man carrying me calling out to someone: "I found Will! She's alive!" and I recognised Percival's voice.


Time had passed.

I was still unable to move and therefore blind, all I could do was listen intently when I was awake. There were other wounded people close by, and persons moving around, obviously tending to them. It smelled of blood and herbs, and when the wind got stronger, I could hear a rustling of fabric, so I figured I was in Gaius' big tent, which also explained why the pain in my left side had subsided: He had given me something for it.

The fabric rustled, and someone hurried in: "I only just heard! How is she?"

It was Gwaine, and I fought again for control over my body and tried with all my strength to prymy eyes open, but nothing happened. Meanwhile I felt a light pressure on my right hand being removed, and realised that someone had been holding my hand.

"When is she going to wake up again?", Gwaine added, now nearer, and I felt calloused fingers gently touching my right cheek.

The physician's voice was hoarse when he spoke, and he was just as close as Gwaine was, so I figured it must have been him who had sat beside me before: "She's not. She won't make it through the night."

"What?", Gwaine asked incredulously.

What?, I echoed silently, but that can't be. Not so fast, not like this – I have a promise to keep!

"But her wound was minor, Percival said! He knows what a fatal wound looks like. It's supposed to be a mere cut!", the knight protested in my stead.

"It is."

"Then why...?"

"I can't stop the wound from bleeding, no matter how much or what method I try", Gaius said, and his voice sounded unbelievably tired. "Also, infection has already begun to spread and she's burning up with fever. She's too weak to withstand it for long. This is not an ordinary wound, I'm afraid."

"That can't be right. Not now! We need her. We've found Mordred's body, the hills are crawling with fleeing Saxons, Arthur is still missing..."

Gaius sighed and I heard him sit back down again: "So is Merlin. I assume they'll be together."

There were a few heavy moments of silence.

"But she can't be dying", Gwaine murmured, and I felt him grab my hand fiercely.

"She will be missed", Gaius said, and he meant it. His voice was heavy with emotions. Then I heard someone from farther away call for his assistance, and steps moving away from where I lay.

The tent's fabric moved again and someone was brought in who was screaming wordlessly out of sheer pain.

I heard Gwaine move abruptly. He lifted me up and this time I felt almost nothing: "Not here", he said, and I heard tears and anger mix in his voice.

He left the tent with me and carried me for quite some time, until the sounds of the camp behind us died down. I could no longer smell blood and was unfathomably thankful Gwaine did this for me – he knew how much I hated to have to stay in confined places.

While he carried me, he didn't say a word, and his breathing was laboured, though I wasn't sure if that was because of my weight or because he was fighting down his emotions with all his might.

When he finally stopped, it had begun to drizzle. Typical.

"I think this is a good place", Gwaine said quietly and laid me down on the ground. "I'm not sure if you can hear me, Will", he carefully brushed away a strand of hair which had fallen over my face, like I had, such a long time ago, for him. "But I really, really hope you do. You'd like it here: It's just on the edge of the wood, a big, grassy stretch, with quite a view. Or so I think. It's a bit misty now... There's a stream close by, can you hear it?" His voice faltered.

I heard Gwaine moving and then felt his arm around me, lifting me up a bit, resting my chin on his chest. I could hear his heart beating, fast, but strong, and if I only could have, this would certainly have been the moment to start crying.

I'm so sorry for the mess, Gwaine, I thought, and I really wish I had time to tell you... so many things. I was looking for you to say goodbye. I didn't mean to leave like this.

The pain in my shoulder was returning, burning, searing, getting worse with every passing moment, and despite the rain getting heavier, I felt hot and sweaty.

"I'm so sorry I broke my promise", Gwaine continued, his arm still around me, holding me in place and I tried to listen to his words and forget about the pain. "I promised you wouldn't have to do this alone."

But you wanted to help Leon and Percival. That's what you do. That's what I had done, if I had had any choice.

"I should never have left your side. I failed."

Oh Gods. Don't ever say that.

"They are save, by the way", he added absent-mindedly, unaware of how much his words had startled me. "Leon has been knocked unconscious, but he'll be all right. And Percival hasn't been harmed at all."

I felt relief flooding in, relief, and something else: Exhaustion.

"I just wonder if you ever found Arthur – did you two save him? Have you succeeded in taking away Morgana's magic? Where are Merlin and Arthur now?"

Gwen'll tell you. She knows.

The knight sighed and pulled me closer: "What are we supposed to do when it's all over? I'm sure you know, and if you didn't, you'd find something..."

I felt like my whole left side was on fire, but fought against the darkness coming in, a darkness which had nothing to do with having my eyes closed.

"You know, I had somehow hoped all this would end with you being able to stay in Camelot. You're my... friend, and I can't – I don't want to loose you. I don't even know your real name...", the knight whispered, "I need you to fight, Will, you hear me?"

I don't think I have a choice about that any more.

All the while the buzzing in my ears got louder and Gwaine's voice seemed to fade away gradually. I had to really concentrate on his words, and understanding their meaning got harder with every moment that passed.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time, but there never seemed to be the right moment, and it took me so long to realise it. And when I finally did you were gone, and after you came back, you needed to concentrate on saving Arthur. It meant so much to you, to us all, and I didn't dare distract you, so I tried..." He paused for a moment, then said pointedly, "tried to distract myself – but now, there won't be another chance, so..."

I never heard what he'd wanted to tell me, and he never got to hear what I had been meaning to tell him.

Suddenly my ears popped, my breath caughtin my throat, my heart beat wildly, then stopped, and then there were a few seconds of absolute darkness, a feeling of numbness, shock and regret, and I felt being ripped out of one universe and was mercilessly thrown into another.

It hurt when I came back together again.

It hurt even more when I realized that I had, again, lost everything.


Not quite the end yet.