A/N: Hey guys! It's not been too long this time; I had exams though so of course they were my priority. Then I had a whole problem with my Microsoft Word, and I nearly lost all my work (Cue Heart Attack) but it's all okay now hopefully (Touch Wood). If I'm totally honest with you, I can't think of a big idea for a case at the moment, I have one in mind, but I know when I want it to take place in the story so I can't use that. Until I figure something out, it will be a fluff fest with some drama. Is that okay with you all? As usual, I own nothing recognisable.
Thursday 24th November 2011
AmeliaPOV
I had never wanted to move. Never in my life had I been so content to lie in one position forevermore. My first Thanksgiving eve had been full of laughter and love; the whole night was spent talking and laughing, reminiscing about happy times past and speculating about happy times to come. We played games, drank wine, I couldn't ask for a more perfect time with my surrogate family; no case, no unsub to chase, no fear of death, just us all together celebrating happy times.
Then that night, when we had went to bed, Spencer and I continued to celebrate Thanksgiving Eve, though this time we found that actions and movements spoke louder than words. As I fell asleep in his arms, I had never been so happy.
Then the nightmare came.
It started the same way it always did; I was back in that warehouse in Cambus Cross, with the unsub running his hands over my legs as he pushed up the ghastly wedding dress. Usually, I screamed and screamed but no one came and then I woke up. Though this time there was one crucial difference. This time, Spencer was there; the dream him had ran in, but the unsub was too strong and beat him. Now, he was making Spencer watch.
I would give my life one thousand times over to never see that look on his face again.
I screamed and screamed Spencer's name, kicking and thrashing, I couldn't end the dream, I couldn't wake up no matter how hard I tried. Then I woke up.
I was drenched in sweat and tears, my heart racing so hard that I thought that it would fly out of my chest. Spencer's tshirt that I had worn to bed was sticking to me like a second skin.
I finally opened my eyes and the first thing I saw in the room was Spencer. He was sitting on top of me, pinning my arms down in a technique that we had perfected long ago when my nightmares were frequent. He was wearing nothing except PJ bottoms.
It was then that I noticed that the light was on, and that people were talking. It turns out that my nightmare had woken the whole team, who were in the room looking worried and sympathetic. I couldn't handle their pity. Not now.
I pushed Spencer off of me, running into the en suite bathroom and locking the door before anyone could follow me.
I ignored their banging on the door and their pleas for me to come out. I even blocked out Spencer's voice as I cried on the bathroom floor. Was I ever going to be myself again? Every single time that I began to feel like I could put the situation behind me, another nightmare came to rear its ugly head, reminding me that the situation would never go away, and that I would always be haunted by the ghosts of that night.
SpencerPOV
How can one night change so suddenly? One minute, we're having pillow talk and falling asleep in each other's arms, the next I wake up to the sounds I never wanted to hear.
I knew she was having a nightmare instantly; she began to thrash and mumble my name over and over. I tried shaking her awake, but it wasn't working.
Then she began to claw at my skin, probably leaving marks, shouting my name now. I climbed on top of her, pinning her arms down, using the all too familiar technique. Usually if I shouted her name enough now she woke up.
But she didn't this time.
She was screaming, just like she had that night she was kidnapped as that bastard ran his knife over her skin. I was crying now, begging her to wake up, to stop screaming. But she didn't.
I heard the bedroom door open behind me, I turned and saw everyone except the kids, Will and my mom. I was glad that this hadn't woken her; it could've set off an episode if we weren't careful. Suddenly there was a flurry of voices asking what was going on.
"I can't wake her up, she won't wake up. She won't stop screaming." I cried out as she broke free of my grasp and started clawing at my skin again.
With the help of Morgan I pinned down her arms again, then I heard something that broke my heart more than her screams.
"Please don't make him watch. Please don't make Spencer watch. Just kill me please. Just let me die." She cried out.
That was why her reaction was so bad. The dream had changed. The dream wasn't like the others she had had.
Then she woke up, and before I could even open my mouth to express my relief, she had locked herself in the bathroom and began to cry. No matter how many times I banged on the door for her to let me in, she wouldn't.
It was then that JJ approached me.
"I think we should give her some time. Come downstairs, we'll make some tea for her." She said, helping me up.
I nodded, heading downstairs, wiping the last of the tears from my eyes. It was going to be a long night.
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"You guys don't need to stay up." I said as I sat on a kitchen chair, steaming cup of tea in my hand.
"We're a family Reid, and family's talk to each other when the times get tough. How long have the nightmares been happening?" Morgan asked
"Ever since the incident happened, it used to be all the time, but in the last few weeks there had been none. This is the worst it's ever been; I'd been trying to wake her up for 20 minutes before you guys came in. Usually I can wake her straight away, but this time it was like she was paralysed." I said, staring into my tea. "She's never shut me out like that before. I don't know what to do." I added, my voice breaking at the end.
"Just keep doing what you're doing Reid. That's what seems to be working. You know in trauma cases like this that the nightmares will still happen infrequently, all you can do is be there for her. Why didn't you talk to us sooner?" Hotch added.
"She didn't want anyone to know; she wanted to seem strong and resilient. She wanted you to think that there was nothing she couldn't do. She doesn't like exposing her vulnerability. I'm going to go back up, see if she'll let me in. thanks for the talk guys." I said tiredly, feeling much older than 22.
I walked into our room, knocking on the bathroom door, "Amy, I brought you some tea. Please let me in, you're scaring me. We don't need to talk about it. I just need to know that you're okay." I pleaded through the door.
She finally opened it and I bundled her into my arms, never wanting to let her go again.
AmeliaPOV
I collapsed into his arms, beginning to cry again. "It was just like before, but then you came in to save me, but then the unsub beat you up and chained you up and then he made you watch as he-" I couldn't even finish the sentence without crying, "Your eyes Spencer, I'd die a thousand times over to never see that look on your face again."
"Don't talk like that. You're safe, he can never hurt you again." Spencer said, his eyes wet with unshed tears.
"Don't you get it Spencer? I'll never be the same girl you fell in love with. I'll always be broken. Part of me died in that warehouse. I'll never be free from him." I said, "I don't want you to be with me if you're only doing it out of pity. I don't need pity."
"I'm with you because I love you, do you honestly believe I would do that?" he asked, sounding hurt.
I knew in the back of my mind that I didn't really believe that, but I was scared that he would end up leaving me because I was too much of a burden. "You didn't sign up for this baggage. I won't think any less of you if you want to break up." I added, the thought of that bringing on a fresh wave of tears.
He was silent for a moment, and I feared that he was going to dump me, but then I was surprised.
He stood bringing me to stand with him,
"Amelia Botecelli, never in my life have I heard you say anything so stupid. I'm not going to leave you; you are the love of my life, and I don't care how much baggage you carry with you. I'm with you, for better for worse. I love you, and everything that comes with it." He said, stroking my cheek.
I smiled, hugging him tightly, "I love you too Spencer, so so much. I'm sorry I didn't let you in, I just got so embarrassed that the team had all seen me at my most vulnerable, and the only person in this world that I would want to see that side of me is you. I don't like people knowing my weaknesses." I said, examining his arms, "I can't believe I hurt you."
"Just scratches, they'll fade really quickly. Don't beat yourself up about it" he said, kissing my head, "now let's go to sleep. There's a long day of cooking coming up." He said, pulling me back to bed.
I feel like we've made a lot of headway; I've addressed my fears of never getting over the attack, and it felt that my last hurdle had just been jumped. Maybe now I can finish the race and move on my life.
I've never slept better.
A/N: some well needed drama for this story me thinks, but it is all resolved now. I'm trying to showcase Amelia's lesser seen vulnerable side, so I would really appreciate some feedback for this chapter. As always reviews make me work quicker so au revoir for now my dears!
