Everybody has a Ghost
By JuniperHeart
Summary - After dynamic shifts in the world's politics and set 5 years after the battle with Ultimecia, Squall reflects on his loves and losses and what he truly needs to live again. The challenge is in doing something about it.
Warnings - Contains homosexual relationships, sexual situations, angst, sappiness on occasion, and may contain swearing. Oh and no Rinoa-bashing.
Pairings - Squall/Rinoa (reminiscent), Squall/OC, Squall/Seifer
A/N - Things start to get interesting... The inspiration for this chapter is Late Night by Foals.
Chapter Five – Late Night
Oh, I hope that you were somebody, someone I could count
To pull me to my feet again, when I was in doubt
Now I'm the last cowboy in this town, empty veins and my plastic broken crown
They said I swam the sea then ran aground
They said I once was lost, but now I'm truly found
Squall did not sleep quite so well the second night. For some reason he could not find rest, even though he was incredibly tired. Seifer's words were rolling around in his head. How did he feel he could be so easily and quickly trusted again? He was barely trusted to begin with, really. When he Squall did eventually fall asleep, it was fitful and restless. Needless to say he woke up on the wrong side of the bed at six in the morning and decided that there was no point in sticking around. He didn't want to wake Matron at this hour and he most certainly didn't want to encounter Seifer again after what had gone down previously. After arranging his clothing onto his naked form he realised that he wasn't filling them again. His jeans were starting to just barely hang on his hips. He needed to do something about this, like getting back into sculling down raw egg again or something, even if he didn't want to. He knew he was wasting away. His face was starting to look hollow too, when at the tender age of 22 it didn't suit him. He had lost the full face of his youth. Breathing a despondent sigh, Squall threw his belongings into his rucksack and crept out of the bedroom. He had always been rather stealthy, but none of that mattered if Seifer were involved. He was hoping lady luck would be on his side this time.
The sun was just peaking over the horizon as Squall escaped the house unscathed. Feeling rather positive after that, he strode out through the fields to where Ragnarok was sitting waiting for him, glistening in the morning sun. He had barely thought about the state of the nation while he had been away, and he was reluctant to start now, but he knew he had to get back to it all. Running his hands along the tall grass, he took in all the sights and smells of his surroundings that he had to leave. It had been good for him, regardless of the Seifer factor, he decided.
He had thought too soon, however. Squinting his eyes, Squall noticed a figure standing by the entrance to Ragnarok and cursed his luck. Leaning against the back engines of the craft was Seifer, dressed in black slacks and a casual white shirt. He seemed to be enjoying the environment they were in, also.
Squall strode through the field and looked downward. Even though he knew he couldn't just ignore the other man, he was going to damn well try. Closing the distance between himself and Ragnarok, he kept staring at the ground and walked up to the entrance.
"I knew you'd be up early." Seifer remarked and pushed himself off the exterior of Ragnarok. "You always used to get up early."
Squall huffed in annoyance and his eyes flicked to Seifer briefly. He no longer looked like a boy in those clothes, but somehow he had refused to believe that Seifer was no longer a boy. They were all adults now. Not that he felt like he was one yet.
"Do I need to ask you what you want every time I see you?" Squall muttered and undid the hatch to open the boarding ramp.
Seifer chuckled under his breath. "Well, this time it has little to do with you, and more to do with the fact that I have business with garden. It is convenient that I don't have to go by boat."
That sentence painted a smile on Squall's lips. "So this trip was really just a ploy to get me to pick you up?"
"If that's what Matron decided on." Seifer shrugged, his bright eyes shining. "I really didn't know you would be here until I saw Ragnarok, and even then I didn't know it would be you specifically."
"Huh." Squall replied dismissively and climbed up the ramp into Ragnarok, Seifer watching him as he did so. "Well, are you coming or what?"
"Yes, sir." Seifer quipped under his breath, really noting now that very little had changed about Squall's personality, in particular, towards himself. But underneath that cold exterior, he worried that the fire had died out and could never be reignited. What a shame and a loss that would be.
Why was he even thinking about that, he wondered? He did know, but it was something he never really wanted to think about, let alone admit. There were a lot of 'why's and there had been a long time to consider how he felt about them.
Seifer held his breath as he made his way into the cockpit behind Squall for two reasons. The first was that he was extremely impressed with the Ragnarok, having not been within it before, and the second was that he was rather concerned about Squall's physical wellbeing. It was obvious that he was thin and borderline malnourished and it was, he admitted, painful to see. Seifer had been through his own kind of hell, but not the kind that could be visible on the surface. If he could help Squall in the way he had helped himself, he would then maybe consider his debt to Squall and the rest of humanity somewhat repaid.
He wouldn't even have thought himself capable of thinking things like these 5 years ago, but the ordeal and the aftermath seemed to really have done a number on him.
Squall ignored the man behind him and sat in the pilot's seat, flicking on the engines.
"Hey, you mind if I fly her back to garden?" The blonde piped up behind Squall and stared out toward the open expanse of the plains. "It'd be nice to have a go."
Squall could feel his annoyance steadily rising. It was bad enough the Seifer was coming back to garden with him for Hyne knows what, but flying his precious Ragnarok was another thing entirely. "Are you sure you can handle her?" Squall peered up at Seifer by his side.
Seifer smirked with the look of his face that meant 'are you kidding me?'. But there was something else there, behind that look. He had always smirked so infallibly, but it was wavering. Maybe he shouldn't let him have a go.
Seifer just laughed as the brunette stayed fixed in the pilot's seat, obviously giving it some thought. "If I can fly the bloody Lunatic Pandora I can fly this thing, so move over."
And with a swift shove Squall was no longer in the main seat but on the edge of the one by its side. He was surprised, given the force Seifer had exerted, that he was silent and not retaliating. Maybe it was what Seifer had just said about the Lunatic Pandora and how comfortably he had said it. Had he really made peace with his past? Squall was stumped, because he knew he should feel hatred for what Seifer had done on the Lunatic Pandora before he fled, but he was also considering all the other things Seifer had brought up. Was he getting soft?
The brunette looked out the main window as Seifer gently pulled the Ragnarok up from the ground with ease. There was something about watching Seifer concentrate that had always riveted him. He had always tried not to care, but the inquisitiveness had always been there. What was Seifer really thinking about?
"Ragnarok really is a marvel…" Seifer trailed off as he boosted the main engines and the craft shot off across Centra. "I heard you fought aliens in this thing?"
So he really wanted to talk for no reason? Squall looked up through the cover his longer hair was giving him and saw that Seifer was looking directly at him. Shocked, Squall sat up straight and looked the other way. "The propagators, yes. They had previously inhabited the ship, and were probably the downfall of the previous crew."
"So…" Seifer paused, as if not sure what to say. "You got Ragnarok after rescuing Rinoa, right?"
An icy cold fell over Squall as he remembered floating in space with Rinoa, not knowing if they would ever get back home again, but feeling happy that he was there with her even if they didn't survive.
"Yes." It wasn't as though he could conjure up anything else to say.
Seifer sighed. "I guess I haven't apologised fully yet so I suppose I should. I'm sorry for everything."
It all happened a long time ago. They were children back then, capable of having foreign passions and motivations and not knowing how to deal with them. Some things they still couldn't deal with, and that was what was keeping Squall from accept his apology right now.
"Thanks, but no thanks." Summed up what Squall was thinking quite well.
Seifer knew it wouldn't be easy, but he hoped that his new assignment would ensure that they could at least get back onto equal footing again.
"That's okay," Seifer said, switching Ragnarok to cruise control, "I know you don't want anything to do with me after everything that happened, and there's not much I can do to change that. It's all up to you."
Fuck. Not another thing that Squall felt he had to have power over. It felt like, even though it was only Matron at this point, the whole world was trying to get them to be best buddies and all he had to do was just drop his guard and let everyone walk all over him. Well, he didn't give a rat's arse if he wasn't like because of it. He was in self-protection mode and people shouldn't blame him for being that way.
"Whatever…" Squall said out of habit and crossed his arms. Maybe they could pass the hours without saying anything to each other?
Seifer guffawed beside Squall, finding the situation quite hilarious. "Man… you really haven't changed one bit, ice princess."
The brunette's jaw could have fallen on the floor after that. "Ice princess?! Ice princess! Where the hell did that one come from?"
"You know that's what all your classmates called you behind your back, right?" Seifer grinned widely and slapped Squall on the back. "You were a loner, cold to pretty much everyone. It was no wonder you had the highest affinity with Shiva."
"Oh fuck you Seifer. At least I wasn't a selfish prick with a 'romantic dream', which turned out to be with Matron!" Squall needed to get out of the cockpit before his anger escalated higher, so he climbed out of the co-pilot's chair.
Seifer's jaw could also have fallen to the floor. Astounded, he shook his head. "Wow, I guess I deserved that one. Now we're even."
"We're never fucking even." Squall spat and stormed out, leaving Seifer up to navigate and fly the Ragnarok himself.
Seifer knew he had work to do, but it was progressing well considering, he thought. That fire within Squall hadn't died, much to his elation, and due to the adrenaline pumping through his veins, he knew that the chemistry hadn't died between them. He was already thinking about when he could get his next fix.
Squall spent the rest of the trip in the passenger room, gazing outside the large windows and trying to figure out which piece of land in the distance was what. Why couldn't Seifer just get off his back? It was too much for him to really think about now as he knew he wasn't in his right mind. What harm would come to him if he really did forgive Seifer? What was Seifer going to garden for? There's no way he would be there willingly so maybe he was going there to meet up with someone else? But there wasn't anyone there other than Xu and Zell that he knew of, and their relationships had probably been worse than his and Seifer's. If you could call it that. Mutual animosity, maybe. It was a little suspicious that Seifer was so willing to bury the hatchet now, after just meeting again.
Stop thinking Squall, he thought to himself. It was easier thought than done.
It was late morning when Seifer touched Ragnarok down successfully behind garden. Squall wasn't surprised that he had flown Ragnarok expertly. He had always done everything very well, apart from social graces. Resignedly, Squall left the passenger room and made his way to the exit ramp, just knowing that he was going to bump into Seifer again. Past events had made it a statistical certainty.
Like clockwork, Seifer was waiting at the bottom ramp.
"Where are you headed?" Seifer questioned, falling in behind Squall as he dismissively walked past.
Squall wished he wouldn't. "My office."
"Ah, just where I'm headed."
Squall whirled around and glared at Seifer almost comically. "Just what is your business with Garden?"
The blonde managed to stifle a chuckle at Squall's overdramatic expression. "Just summon Xu and get Quisty on the monitor and then we'll talk."
Squall huffed, like so many times before. His nerves could only take so much.
It was a quiet stroll through garden, though. However, this time, the comments from the students were more astonished and obvious, probably due to Squall's entourage. Seifer had not been back in garden since he ran out to chase his romantic dream and it must have been a bit of a shock to see two people who were once enemies, in the same vicinity together and not tearing each other apart. Seifer just goaded them on, waving to the huddled groups like he were here yesterday and watching with particular delight as they quietened and averted their gaze.
In little time they reached Squall's office. Squall tiredly slouched into his desk chair, paged Xu and dialled Quistis' number.
"Here we go. I wonder what little surprises you three have in store for me. I just love surprises," muttered Squall sardonically.
Seifer chose to stay standing, but moved behind Squall so he could see the monitor. "Nothing too painful, I promise," he reassured, as if he could.
Xu quickly entered the office, as if on call, greeting Seifer pleasantly. That was something Squall would have thought would only happen if hell had frozen oven. Quistis' beaming smile appeared on the monitor and the discussion was underway.
"What is the meaning of this?" Squall asked plainly.
Quistis looked to Xu to explain. They were both used to Squall's frankness.
"Well," Xu began, "As well as a battle trainer we will need someone with more specialised knowledge of magic and GFs. Since the banking of the Guardian Forces we have not been training our students, and they will need to be proficient with them."
"And that's where I come in," Seifer said smugly, enjoying the look of horror seeping onto Squall's face.
"That's right," Quistis interjected. "We've decided that Seifer would be a great asset as a GF and magic instructor after the students and SeeDs retrieve their GFs, considering he has kept his the whole time."
Silence descended into the room, Squall's look of horror converting into one of contemplation. "Why were his not taken off him?"
"It was set in his sentencing that he was not to use them again in any case, and we could not risk trying to get them off him because of his…" Quistis looked to Seifer for permission to continue. He let it pass. "…mental state at the time. Since then he went to exile and we didn't bother getting them off him at a later date."
Silence again.
"So, let me get this straight." Squall slouched deeper into his chair. "You're telling me that garden is employing him because he has more current experience with GFs and magic?"
"Yes." Xu said frankly. "I think over time he has become suitable for the position."
"Quistis. You recommended him, didn't you?" Squall spat accusingly.
Quistis just laughed it off like Matron would have done. "I did. And in the end, even though you're commander, Xu is the headmistress and is responsible for the students, so it's her decision."
Squall clenched his eyes shut and rubbed them a bit too roughly. Exhaling loudly, he stood up. "Fine. Have it your way. Xu, Seifer, if you don't mind, I would like to talk to Quistis alone for a while."
"No problem, commander." Seifer winked and followed Xu out towards the elevator.
Seething, Squall strode up to the monitor and scrunched his hair in his hands. "Are you trying to make me go even more insane? Why him?! Just… why? Why would you even do this?"
"Oh Squall, calm down," Quistis soothed, "we hired him because he will do the job. He has a lot to prove, a lot to give, and a big debt to repay. What better way to integrate him back into garden than to hire him? He will be an excellent instructor, and you'll barely see him. I will be communicating with him more than you will be."
Squall felt like screaming. The world really was against him.
"Just give him a chance, Squall. He'll be a good boy. He's been through a lot too, and has a larger burden to bear than you do. So let him be." Quistis kissed Squall virtually and waved. "I have to go. Let me know how you get on, okay."
Squall didn't… couldn't say anything. He just let the screen go dead.
Time to blow off some steam in the training centre.
